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  1. I am a 24 year-old man who has never had a GF and has only had two sexual experiences. I think I am not attractive to women and that no woman will actually like me. I have always been socially awkward and never been attractive. I was always told that "Women won't like you now but once they get older they will settle for somebody like you!" Every story I hear about a woman with a partner like me is about the tension between wanting somebody more traditionally masculine or exciting and their desire for stability. I have never heard about a woman just dating somebody like me because of her organic attraction. That means I will be more attracted to her than vice versa, and that is terrifying. Is that the best I can hope for, that some woman just decides to learn to like me? All erotic stories aimed at women involve dangerous, exciting, masculine men. SO not only do I fall short in terms of my looks, but also my personality. I have tried changing my appearance via weightlifting for over a year but I have seen barely any difference. As for my personality, I can't be somebody I am not. Yet according to shows like "Outlander" and books like "Fifty Shades" )both of which are very popular with women), any woman paired with somebody like me are going to fantasize about my opposite. I don't want to be with somebody who is that bored of me. Virtually every woman I have liked has turned out to be interested in these men. Recently I was walking with two women friends. We passed by a rugby ground where a woman's game was going on. One friend quipped that if it were a men's game, she may stay and watch. When I asked, both said it was because rugby men are attractive. I have been depressed ever since. Rugby is obviously attractive 1) The players are behemoths who are more beasts than men. 2) The game is the direct application of toxic masculinity, with steroidal men acting like violent apes giving one another constant concussions. If rugby were created today, no insurer would cover the injuries. By the way, this is in Ireland, which has the incredibly dangerous game Gaelic football. Again, not only do I look nothing like these men (I am short 5'9, bespectacled, not muscular or toned, and wears jumpers/turtlenecks and blazers), my personality is nothing like theirs. Incidentally, I have been casually going out with a woman. I am not sure if she likes me romantically but I do and think the feelings may be mutual. Ever since I heard what that other woman said yesterday, all of my insecurities returned. Should I just give on this woman I am going out with?
  2. ...then does that mean he's fantasizing about other (and hotter/sexier) women or porn he's seen or any other kind of fantasy??? Does that mean he doesn't want to see you when you're having sex because he's trying to fantasize about something else so he can get off? Something much more interesting than you? I ask this because yes I'm insecure and feel like I've gained some lbs recently. I'm not ugly at all (people tell me I am attractive all of the time) but I know my body isn't as great as it was. And I see girls all the time that look so much better, even if their face isn't as pretty. It kind of seems to me like my guy looks away when we're having sex, even if we're in the dark, which usually we are. But if we do it in broad daylight (which we've done) he still looks away. He puts his face in my shoulder or neck and closes his eyes and does his thing. At night he does the same thing. Last night I was on top and he did look at me a few times but for the most part, he turned his head away from me and closed his eyes. What does this mean??? Am I overreacting because I'm insecure? I mean, he does try to get sex from me all of the time, but.. still.
  3. I'm in the thick of trying to make sense of things after being dumped 2 weeks ago. Of course having the common issues with closure and accepting the rejection. I'm hoping that writing my situation out will help me process and hearing from others might also provide some comfort in my time of need. I started dating this 34(M) back in January 2021. He worked in data analytics, super smart, super educated, good nerdy type. (We dated for a total of 5 months and the last month was a long drawn out breakup) We met on Hinge and we had a pretty great first date. He was really into me it seemed. ALOT. I wasn't quite at that level just because I wasn't initially physically attracted to him. (However, I'm 30 and looks just aren't what I'm looking for now days at least not one of the main factors and I just really wanted to take things slow.) I wanted to do this differently this time 'round. He wasn't the usual type of guy I go for-- but I've realized over the past year that I have been single that I need to open my heart and eyes to other possibilities, personalities and people different than my go to. To be quite frank the really good looking ones just have really ***ed me over in the past. He had a lot of great qualities and I grew to become more and more attracted to him. In the first month I was a little taken back by the amount of interest he had in me and the level of priority and his availability overall. Not something I was used to at all. It scared me a little. I was on the fence whether I truly met a diamond in the rough or if this guy was love bombing me, or being super co-dependent. I will say we both come from a past. He came from a marriage that ended about 4 years ago where his ex wife apparently cheated on him on their honeymoon. 😮 I also came from a 3 year relationship about a 1.5 years ago who had cheated on me and done lots of shady ***. We both are very pro-therapy/working on mental health and identifying our roles in the past relationships we've had and really working on ourselves to heal that trauma. Over the course of the 5 months we would see each other 1-2 times a week, but talk/text everyday. The past year has been tough on me work wise because I really struggled to find something that I was really passionate about and one that didn't require me to work remotely due to COVID. I had accepted a job in January 2021, however it came apparent that it really wasn't something I wanted to do, so I was looking for something else in April 2021, interviewing here and there. My ex knew I was interviewing but I never really revealed how much I despised the job and literally wanted to quit everyday. I mean we had just started dating and I didn't want him to think I'm a quitter/unemployed. WELL.........the day came and I quit before accepting a new job. I didn't tell him I quit my job. I just wasn't comfortable revealing that information at the time. (Would you feel comfortable revealing to a NEW romantic partner that you REALLY liked, that you were a crappy relationship candidate? (in terms of being unemployed at the time) (again I hold a decent amount of my worth tied to my job, not ideal/balanced--I'm aware of that and trying to work on my identity being more than my job. However, I do think it's hard in today's overall culture -- "hustle culture" and "extreme productivity mindset" Well that proved to obviously not be the best thing because on the next few occasions we hung out I ended up drinking more than usual because I was hiding from the shame and guilt of being unemployed. For just a few hours I didn't want to think about it. Being unemployed is stressful and I know I'm not the only one out there that has experienced that type of "unemployment depression" if you want to call it. I feared telling him because I thought he'd leave me. In my mind my self confidence and self esteem was pretty low (as I hold a lot of my identity through what I do for work)--I really shamed myself and put him on a pedestal. Mind you, he never brought up me getting drunk the first time as an issue or that it bothered him. We never had established any conversation or boundaries around drinking. After the second occurrence where I drank more than usual (which was on a holiday/memorial day) the next morning I knew something was wrong......he didn't text like he usually did in the morning and I apologized remorsefully for maybe embarrassing him. Apparently, he was super super super hurt by it. He proceeded with a cold text toward me saying he needed to process what happened. When he sent that, my alarm bells went off and it triggered me into "fear of abandonment" mode. (I know I'm still in therapy to work on that) Nonetheless, it was something that put me into a downward spiral/self - fulfilling prophecy that he was indeed going to leave me. I gave him some space and asked if he would call me when he got a chance as I wanted to talk about this and have a discussion. Well.... he never called me or asked to see me later. Or the next day, or the next day, or the next week. I finally revealed to him over text that I had quit my job and that my behavior was due to my extenuating circumstances and trying to do my best in my time of uncertainty with employment. (I'm still trying to understand how I hurt him so much by having a few drinks (and on a holiday) -- please understand I am not an alcoholic. My friends and family can vouch for that) I just had a few bad days where I was really feeling crummy about my situation. You might think that one you really care about and really like would show understanding and compassion toward a circumstance like this --- maybe feel more concern in ways to console those thoughts/feelings rather than throwing them back in your face. Unfortunately, THIS did not play in my favor by telling him the TRUTH. He eventually told me at the end of a long excruciating break-up month of him processing his feelings after I told him that---Well, He just couldn't get past the fact that I lied to him and hid that from him. He revealed that He's been lied to by friends, family, ex-partners, and that it hurts. He said, "All I've known is hurt" he went on to ask me "Why?" Why me, MiKayla?" "What did I do to you?" "What did I do to you to make you think I would leave" I apologized remorsefully over the course of the month. I sent an edible arrangement to him, I sent long chain texts messages trying to convince him to trust me and that the reason I lied and hid that from him was simply due to my own embarrassment and insecurity. This was not something that I was trying to intentionally inflict pain onto him or out of malice. I told him I wanted to fix this. "What can I do to fix this?"..... Days went by where he said he wanted to see me and talk this through, but then when it came down to it and I planned for it and expected to see him......he would ghost me and wouldn't hear a word from him the rest of the day/night. I'm brokenhearted....because I feel I truly lost a good one due to my stupid mistake and it hurts because I feel he's projecting all his hurt from his past relationships on me and I don't get a second chance to prove myself. Some of my friends say that he will continue to have issues if he shuts down every time a prospective lover makes a mistake. It's like as soon as things got serious/ there happened to show a little bit of conflict he ran. He ran fast......and I'm left feeling so confused and hurt because I fell for this person and I was blindsided by this. I wish we could have talked about this in person/on the phone since we were involved in each others lives for almost 6 months. I feel so unheard and unseen by him-- I never thought the one person I truly thought had strong feelings for me, understanding and compassion, just decided that morning that he never wanted to see or talk to me in person again. It ***ing hurts so bad. I really fell for him, I wanted to communicate with him and talk this through. I wanted to learn more about him, understand him more, be there for each other in hard times and at the 5 month mark I couldn't help but think of more in the future with him. So I'm grieving those expectations/once potential future..... Is it just me or is he having some really strong opinions to some small issues? (I didn't lie about being married, having children, or cheating)....Then again I am aware a lie is a lie..... I guess we could also just chalk it up to the 'ole, "He just wasn't that into you" and that's that...... move on..... He's just really made me feel like *** about this whole thing.....One of the last texts messages I got from him was, "This isn't just an issue between you and I MiKayla, but, rather how do I not bring this into future personal/intimate relationships in the future?" --Ouch..... I guess I really really did him dirty.
  4. Here is the story I have been in this relationship for a year and a half for the last four years he hasn't been in a serious relationship the last relationship before me he fell head over hills for this girl although there relationship lasted less then a year she was the one to end it and break his heart. he has remained in contact with her over the four years my concern is I dont think he ever really has gotten over her and for the most part he calls her often and texts messages her little notes saying how much he misses her and other similar texts. I have questioned him about it, he assures me that there is nothing to be jealous of and that its just an insecurity. But on Valentines Day she was the first person he called not me and last night when he went out with his friends he text messaged her kinda drunk miss you unbearably. shouldn't I be concerned. need advice what would you do.
  5. Okay, here's the deal. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and I have not ever had a boyfriend. I'm starting to become really impatient. I know it's because I'm shy. I'm not insecure about my looks; I don't want to brag but I consider myself attractive and have been told many times. I almost never start up conversations with anyone new. I do have friends, just not a lot. I like to be alone more often, and like it better to just sit by myself than get involved in a conversation with someone. So recently I went to my friend's party, where I only knew like one other person, and this guy approached me asking what my name was and telling me I looked like this girl he knew. Then he came to sit next to me...I know he seemed interested, yet I couldn't really strike up a conversation with him. A few hours pass when I don't see him because I'm hanging out with this other girl, and then he comes up to me and says, "You're not very talkative" and then asks me if I'm uncomfortable. And I just felt so insecure right then. I know that was my last chance to talk to him, but I just couldn't think of anything to say at the moment. I'm so upset cuz I know that maybe more could have happened if only I knew what to say... I feel like I could be dating but my shyness is keeping me from it. Please help me, I'm really frustrated and annoyed with myself.
  6. Okay, well, as the title says, I'm very insecure with girls. Truth is, I'm good at attracting girls, it's easy for me, but I never can seem to take it further than that, just because I don't trust them. I'm always constantly wondering about things like "what if she's just using me for an ego boost?", "what if she's just playing with me?", etc. And I'm also very insecure if a girl has had a boyfriend before. I have no idea why, but I do want to be the first guy for a girl. I don't understand it myself, it's just a kind of male pride thing. This line of thinking has kept me away from ever getting really intimate with a girl. I think I'm a very attractive guy, because I keep on attracting lots of girls, very attractive girls, even girls who had serious boyfriends already (which has disturbed me). And the only way I've been able to be comfortable when having a girlfriend is when I don't really care about them that much. I focus on all their negatives, just so that if I ever lose them I won't feel bad. And I've been like that up until a few weeks ago, I don't know why I did, but I decided to make myself vulnerable to a girl, and because she responded positively to me, I've suddenly realized what I've been missing out on. It was an overwhelming rush, it feltlike I had risked my life and barely survived. Anyway, I do want to be able to be in a relationship with a girl that I'm not scared to like. I don't always envisioning the worst case scenarios, and end up doing nothing at all around a girl. The way I made myself vulnerable around this girl was just a small gesture, but it had a huge effect on me. I guess it's kind of given me hope. But it's also scared me to death even more, because now I'm thinking on the level of "okay, she likes me, but she'll probably lose interest in me if I make myself more vulnerable" So, if anyone, anyone here has any advice, suggestions, on little progressive steps I can take to become a less insecure guy around girls? And it's pretty much just girls in particular, I don't know why. I usually am a risktaker with everything else. Cheers.
  7. Let's just say that after discovering this the hard way, it helped me to become a much stronger individual, and of course, I don't show my emotions as much anymore. I was with a girl I cared deeply about for quite some time (it's already in the past), and she had an obvious inclination towards hiding her emotions. I don't know why, but I've come accross several girls that seem this way. I would be very expressive about my emotions with her, but she didn't seem to reciprocate that - sometimes I felt like she kept things bottled inside. This was a major reason why it never worked out with her. I like for girls to show their emotions, but I guess some are so insecure about getting hurt that they prefer to put up a rather cold and aloof front. I also learned that a guy being "emotional" leads him to come accross as being rather wimpy, insecure, or clingy. Guys, it's ok to say you miss her and you love her once in a while, but don't overdo it. Girls seem to get tired of it real fast, because remember, being "too nice" gets you nowhere.
  8. Here's the story ... I met my ex in a grad class. Even though I initially approached him, I was totally uncertain about him, since I had been hurt before, and didn't want to deal with it again; however, the more he talked to me, the more I wanted to talk to him. He created such a comfortable environment that I totally fell for him. After 2 months of spending 4 - 5 nights a week with him, I really feel like he is the one for me. We are so similar, yet so different, that I feel like he is the perfect match for me. Since we were both finishing up grad school, during the time of our relationship, we both came under a lot of stress. Also, I was really insecure of myself sometimes, since, as I mentioned, I have been hurt before. thereforeeee, sometimes, we would agrue over small things. However, we would make up, and that would be the end of it. I wouldn't think twice about the agruments. One Friday night, we spent the night together, and everything was fine. Then, Sunday night, he calls me to tell me that he thinks we are too different to live with each other forever, and he think we should end this now before it goes too far and we are both hurt too much. Right now, he is in a different state for work-related training for 12 weeks (gone 4 weeks now). Last week, I told him that I wouldn't call him, and he could call me whenever he felt he needed to talk to me or missed me, and left it at that. Haven't heard from him in 9 days. He is from India, and that he has never had a girlfriend (he is 24 and i am 23) -- I am Indian American. I think his perception of "love" is all roses and wine ... and when arguments came up, he thought them as "irrepairable differences". I know I am doing the right thing by establishing a NC rule for myself, but just wanted some positive stories and support out there. Can a man be uncertain about things and then revert back? In the meantime, everyone enjoy their weekends ... I'll be trying my hardest to enjoy mine! Thanks for "listening" (reading)! Blue
  9. why is it so hard to get over someone. why does it make us do stupid things ? i was with a guy who was awful to me so controlling and talked to me like dirt, forced me to do things and was so insecure he thought i was gonna run off. yet he ended up leaving me and i cant take the fact he has always had control, all thro the relationship he had to have control and now hes moved on like i meant nothin to him. i prob didnt. on his profile hes already put himself as "single and looking". why am i so weak??? i keep doin stupid things like txtin him and the other day i wrote him a letter and sent bk a ring after 2 weeks of no contact and he txt me today and was so mean i wrote really nice things yet he was jus blaming me for the break up and told me to basically get lost. i jus want him to know how much hes hurt me! i want him to jus once feel guilty about how hes made me feel! its like i suddenly meant nothing yet he told me he loved me in the first 2 weeks and brought me an eternity ring, let me into all his family (who he was very close to) lives etc etc but jus was so insecure. when we broke up he had to come over to drop off a cd instead of posting it to me whcih opened all my wounds and i guess i never recovered from that. i feel so weak cos id still take him back! how much of a fool am i? why cant he jus be hurtin so i know im not so stupid its whats stopping me moving on the fact its like i meant nothin to him
  10. I really like this girl but I'm insecure about asking her out, Nerves always seem to get the better of me. Does anyone have any good tips to help with asking her out? (alcohol not permitted) Thanks in advance guys.
  11. I don't know whether mine is a story. I am 24 years old, and have been alone for the past two years. I was very very hurt with my previous two relationships, went through a depression after each break-up. I don't know whether I had been too harsh with myself, but my first boyfriend committed suicide, which made me feel insecure and striving for attachment and those were the reasons my second relationship ended. (I had other relationships but these two seem to the ones that were trying to make me learn something about myself.) Consciously or not I decided to refrain from seeking healing in relationships, and have been looking after myself for a while. I don't know whether I learned anything or something..or not. But I need to know how long it takes one to get ready for a new relationship in my case. Since I don't know if I refrain from meeting new people, or that just the right time has not arrived yet. Sometimes I think that I messed up with my only chance of having a good relationship, and that this was the end, thus the end of any romantic possibility in my life. I feel lonely, smiling in the face, strong and so...but lost and insecure and just expecting something to happen.. This is not something to ask of advice, but I will be happy if you could share some thoughts..
  12. Yesterday was the first real time I've seen my ex since he broke up with me on Labor Day (two weeks ago tomorrow). I saw him briefly on Thursday because I asked him to come over so I could just say a few things to him and get one last hug from him, since I didn't know if I was going to see him again. We hugged twice that day, and I kissed his cheek twice, and he let me hold his hand while I explained to him what was going on with me, but then he had to get to a funeral, which was fine. He said he just wants to be friends for now, that he still has some feelings for me, that some part of him wants to be with me, but that a bigger part of him doesn't want to be. He says he still misses me, but that he needs time to himself. I KNOW he isn't seeing anyone else. He has a stressful job and just wants to go home and relax. So that's fine. We're still friends, because we have a common activity that we're both involved in that neither of us want to give up. He told me on Thursday that he wanted to see me at this activity, which was yesterday, and I said I probably would go. Now, for the past two weeks I've been doing NOTHING but crying, not sleeping, not eating, and just hating my life completely, and doing nothing but asking our mutual friends friends about what I should do about him, etc. So everyone expected me to be very mopey and depressed yesterday at this activity, and I wasn't. I made myself look really nice, pulled my {Censored by Moderator} together, went and was as outgoing, charming, funny, friendly, sweet, and pleasant as possible. Basically the way I am when I don't let my insecurities get in the way. I was just myself, but let go of all my worries before I went. Our friends were blown away, as they've never seen me like this before (usually I'm defensive and insecure), and they thought it was a pleasant surprise. My ex was still somewhat distant to me at first, but he really warmed up to me, and we're going to see a movie on Friday (just as friends, I'm sure) apparently. I asked, but he accepted right away. He said he'd call me on Thursday to confirm, just because the next three days at work are going to be really hectic for him. He touched me on occasion, although just seemingly friendly, yesterday, and I'm trying not to read too much into it, but he doesn't touch anyone else. So I'm hoping this is a good sign. So....I'm being outgoing and happy, and letting him contact me, although still being friendly to him. Am I doing ok so far? I'm not desperately trying to get him back, although I wouldn't mind at all if that happened. I'm just trying to be me and let go of my insecurities and defensiveness.
  13. i have been with my bf for nearly 17 months and i couldnt be happier but jus recently he tells me hes going to another country for a couple of months for his career,i should be happy for him but im not..in fact im worried,scared jealous and feel really insecure about it and its making me ill,its not even goin to happen for ages but i jus cant live for the moment and stop thinking forward. one of his mates did the same thing but cheated on his gf and was away for nearly 3 months,now hes a really nasty guy and my boyfriend is fantastic,wer so in love but im just so worried travellin will change him or he will get influenced or this that the other,basically im an emotional wreck.some people dont have a clue why im so worried,they say he aint like that n is infactuated with me,which i know is true but i cant help my insecurities. how can i stop being so paranoid? im scared of losing him cos hes the best thing to happen to me ever,im dreading the emotions ill go through just missing him,and ill also be worried about wat ppl hes meeting and if hes met a nicer girl than me.can anyone help me with this? am i to be worried that living elsewhere will ruin things or am i being stupid? please help xxx thanx
  14. I'll try and keep this relatively short. Ok, well my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We are talking about moving in together and eventually getting married. This past weekend he decided to show me some video footage from some gigs he played with a band he was in back home (he moved out to this area about 3 years go). I was really enthusiastic about seeing it because I know its something that is important to him. Anyway, at one point in the video he rewinds the tape and says 'I'm only going to ever do this once but this story is sort of funny'...so he stops the tape and points out some girl in the background and says 'that was my old girlfriend and see that guy behind her? he was totally trying to hit on her...'. Um...WHY would I want to know that? Is this ridiculous but I felt totally jealous that he would even talk about her (he NEVER talks about past relationships) and for some reason I just felt really bad after that. I got really quiet and didnt want to say anything to him about how I was feeling because it seemed so petty. Has anyone else ever experienced this sort of jealousy? I mean none of his ex-girlfriends are present in his life....so it isnt that kind of jealousy. I just have this thing where I really dont want to know anything about his ex's...what they looked like and so on. I also started feeling insecure...wondering if she was better then me and so on. Can anyone relate? I just dont even see why he would want to point that out to me anyway....why would I care that some guy tried to hit on his ex at one of his gigs? Can someone PLEASE give some insight into all this?
  15. my fiance is having real problems getting along with my family. the thing is, my family likes her, but she doesn't like them. my family are the type of people who have a sarcastic, somewhat ridiculing sense of humor. She's use to her family who don't crack jokes about one another, so she's very sensitive to my family sense of humor. Plus my brother has a girlfriend who my fiance says "rubs her the wrong way". What it is is my fiance sees this other girl as competition. The other girl bonds well with my mom and gets along well with me and my family, so my fiance feels threatened. I also think my fiance feels insecure, because this other girl is blond, 19 (so she has a 19 year old physique) and can be somewhat racy sometimes (ie. way she dresses, makes out with my brother in fron t of everyone, etc). It's getting very difficult, cause my fiance now says she won't be around if this other girl's around. She says if this other girl ends up marrying my brother, my fiance will never come to family events, cause she doesn't want to be around her. An honestly, this other girl isn't doing anything wrong, cause if she was I would see where my fiance was coming from. I just think my fiance is feelings insecure and angry cause she's not the girl who's the center of attention which I think she's use to being. So her solution is to avoid it completely. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this?
  16. There´s a guy I´ve known for a long time, we went to the same highschool, my mom´s knows his mom but they even talked to each other, cuase his parents work all day in their family bussiness, a cafeteria that is near our neighborhood. we are neighbors, we go to the same college. He´s (22 or 21) 3 or 2 years younger than me. We´ve never talked to each other, but we make eye contact when we get to see each other on campus, (the only place I can see him, cause, even though he lives near me I never see him!!!). He will finish college in one year, but this will be my last semester. I never see him on the neighborhood, and I barely see him on campus buuuut I really like him, I´m so insecure, cause I´m a little bit overweight, and I don´t know if I should approach him, I don´t need another guy to reject me, I´m not an ugly girl but my weigth make me feel insecure (of course I´m working on that, you know, diet, exercise, etc, and I´m doing it for me=)!).Last week we bump into each other three times and made eye contact, I didn´t even noticed he was there until I had him in front of me but not very close, all the three times he was looking at me first but I got so nervous that I turned my eyes to the other way. One of those times, he was standing on the oppositte direction to the place I was heading to, talking with his friends, we made eye contact, and again I looked the other way and kept walking. When I left the classroom after 10 minutes, I saw him sitting looking rigth into the direction I was standing. The next day, we were walking in opposite directions, and as he passed me by he was smiling, I don´t know if he was smiling at me, so I didn´t smile back. What should I do? Does he look at me just because he knows we are neighbors, or beacuse he is interested in me?How can I let him know that I like him without being to obvious?I need help, please!! I have no clue about this guy!!And no time to wait!!
  17. Quick info about me to better understand my problem. I'm a 22 year old handsome man. I live a full life. I have a small group of AWESOME friends. I am popular in my circles. I am a lot of fun, I flirt/interact with a LOT of women. Kissing/sex with a few. But there is one HUGE problem, I have never been in love. Everytime I grow close to a girl (which doesnt happen too often anymore), she exhibits something that really turns me off (ie. insecurity, stupidity, instability, negativity, insanity, odd perceptions, to name a few.) This is happening in my friendships with men and women now too. So now, basically I have only a few people who I truly enjoy hanging around now becasue I have "outgrown" the others. ITs really quite depressing. This is really starting to hit me hard because as I grow in maturity (I am very mature for my age), I am becoming more and more disillusioned because I have yet to find an available girl that I really connect with and who is on my wavelength. *note this is not due to me acting needy and hopeless when I do find one*. SO my question to you all is, HAS ANYONE EVER BEEN HERE BEFORE!!?!?!!?!? Because im starting to lose touch with my life because I feel like im missing out on something, despite all the wonderful things I already have. God, this is terrible. If you understand my position please respond with words of wisdom, I appreciate advice from people who are more mature then me and have been through my current life experiences already. And if youre going through it now too, well darn it! lets talk!!!! - P
  18. My girlfriend broke up with me , because i believe she was afraid of commitment. I also feel that she is very insecure about herself. Do these two traits commonly go together?
  19. Hey All, I've come out of two long term relationships. The last one broke my heart, but 4 months I started feeling better about myself and doing my own thing. Recently I rekindled a relationship with an old friend who lives in Holland (I live in the UK), she was really supportive especially in the aftermath of my last break up. Anyway she came to visit me - and honest to God I never expected anything to happen - it just did we clicked. This was in Septmeber, we kept in touch nearly daily by txt message, phone and email. I came back from visiting her last Monday and I had a fab time. However, before going there she said not to expect too much of her she was badly hurt in her last relationship and believes I also need to focus on myself and my life. This I know is the right thing, she has really grounded me and taught me not to throw myself totally with my emotions into something, as an excuse not to focus on myself (which is true I have made the same mistake in the last 2 relationships). She wants to see how things go, but is rightly adamant that we should keep the situation as it is for the time being and see where it goes. I have come back though feeling anxious, needing confirmation from her that something will come of it. I am worried I may become to intense again due to my insecurities and scare her off - which I do not want. She's saying she wants to move away with me and tells me she is thinking of me and looking forward to seeing or hearing from me, she also called me her boyfriend a couple of times, introduced me to her parents and her niece. Has my picture at work and home. We even have a scary connection, I pick vibes off her and know when something is wrong, similar characters and experiences bind us together. Even with all this positive evidence I get mixed messages. For example, before my trip and after coming back she sounded cautious, not wanting to give too many emotions away, or open herself up too much. Actually while I was there she said I had been a bit intense with my affections. I am so scared I will become too intense and drive her away, worried she may meet someone else. I hate feeling like this, I want to feel confident and secure, but my own insecurities and self-esteem are driving these emotions. When I was with her she would have moments of great affection and other moments of real distance, I don't know how to read them? Is she scared of being hurt again? Do you think she is serious about me? After all she's already planning her next trip to be with me in a month or so! Am I being paranoid, maybe I should just relax and see where it goes? I just need that reassurance from her, which she is probably giving me, but I don't take it as being enough? Please help me, suggest what I should do, I really do not want to screw this up. I guess part of her still feels I am hooked on to my ex, which I am not! I am in love with her, but I haven't told her this, because I believe it will add to her uncertainty. Please help me guys? I have for the first time met a woman who is independent, grounds me and makes me feel so exceptionally well when I am with her. All suggestions and advice are welcome and guarantee a place in my heart for all of you. Thanks, as always David
  20. Asking all guys out there… Could someone explain what is so appealing in checking out other women? And I mean women walking down the street, girls on TV, … mags… porn … everywhere… (Are there any difference between those?) Cause you guys do that, don't you? What I would like to know is what kind of pleasure you're getting from that, where's the kicks in it, what exactly do you feel and how does it affect the way you look at your girlfriend? What do you feel when checking out absolutely gorgeous women – who looks so much better than you girlfriend? Don't you wish your gf looked like that? And, how important is someone's appearance to you? (The fact that you're looking at girls regularly suggest that it is pretty important – is that true?) And please, don't take me wrong, I am not trying to criticize you, I'm just trying to understand it! My boyfriend really enjoys looking at other women – and I know he finds some of them more attractive than me, he told me so himself when I asked him. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. But it really bothers me. I, on the other hand, feel totally inadequate, ugly and unattractive because of him doing that. I know it might have something to do with my own insecurities, but please, help me to understand HIM better… Thanks heaps P.S. He always sais he adores the way I look and compliments me all the time! When other men look at me, he commets how they would like to have me and things like that. Does that mean that he wants all those women that he admires?
  21. This isn't an post looking for advice, just wanted to share some thoughts tonight. You know, it seems like a lot of people feel insecure - including me sometimes. And insecurity makes people do stupid things, like when a woman hangs on to a bf only because she's afraid of being alone, or when someone who has a s.o. flirts with someone else anyway. I was just realizing that I let other people's behavior bug me when I myself feel insecure. But you know what helps? Saying affirmations about yourself. Then it matters less what other people do or say. AFfirmations help you realize what is the truth about yourself - like you're a loyal friend, or good at putting on parties, or someone who is creative. I'm big into respect, and when someone is selfish it bugs the heck out of me. (Not like I'm perfect, but I'm just saying...) But by focusing my strengths, then it's like a friend's disrespect doesn't matter as much. Then it's not like a reflection on me, but it's their problem. Anyway, I was just thinking about this stuff. Hope maybe it helps someone. Anyone else have thoughts on how to feel more secure, feel free to add 'em!
  22. I just met a new man the other night at an outdoor concert. Just got out of a long term relationship so this is new to me. We were sitting next to each other and started talking. We spent the rest of the evening talking and having fun. Listening to the music and walking around town. When the evening was over he asked if I would like to see him again. I said yes. He took my phone number and gave me his business card with his number on it. Who calls who? The chemistry was immediate. I felt at ease with him and we had a good time in each others company. He kissed me good night and it was amazing. He did mention an x girlfriend. I asked how long ago. He said 2 months. I thought that was nice of him to let me know and I mentioned to him that it was pretty new. I didn't mention that my 3 1/2 year relationshp also broke up 6 weeks ago. I should have but didn't even think of it. He had mentioned another concert this Friday and I plan on going. He mentioned this at the beginning of our conversation. I figure if nothing else he will probably be there. If he hasn't called I will be friendly but cool. So, shouldn't I let the guy make the next move? He did seem a bit shy but if he is interested he would be the one to call. Right? Not sure why he gave me his card unless maybe he was feeling insecure too. Well? What do you think?
  23. hi. I need some advice. I've only been with my boyfriend for a few months and he treats me really well, but i am an extremely jealous and insecure person who tends to let her imagination get the best of her. I've been a little fearful and somewhat suspicious the whole time we've been together but in retrospect i think maybe I was just suspicious out of fear because there was never any concrete evidence. but now, recently I found a couple of girls' phone numbers in his house. i wasn't actively looking to find anything, but i noticed a couple of numbers folded up on his desk and opened them. I don't know who these girls are, but one of them is in a girl's handwriting and it seems to me that it's a girl he met out or something. Ever since I found the numbers I've been looking for other signs that he's cheating, but i'm not sure now if I'm being paranoid or little things I've been suspicious about are actual clues. his actions have been consistent with his words., but sometimes I get a feeling that the days we're not together he is with someone else. he continues to tell me how into me he is, and how when we're apart he misses me. but I mean, he could still be cheating. it's not like we are together all the time. he makes future plans with me and isn't really distancing himself or anything, but i just can't get over finding the numbers. also, he cleaned his house the other day and all the papers on his desk, but the numbers are still there...he didn't throw them out. he actually placed some papers over them like he was hiding them or something. i don't wanna be the paranoid girlfriend who looks through his stuff all the time, but it's killing me to think he's seeing someone else. does anyone have any advice for me? i mean, if i try to take a leap of faith, do you think eventually I'll find out if in fact he is cheating????? i wish I could just ask him about the numbers, because he's very responsive when i tell him what's on my mind or what's bothering me, but I can't because it would show my distrust in him and that I was snooping. also, i've expressed my fear to him that he will cheat on me and have shown insecurity by my jealousy and I fear that if i bring it up anymore i will drive him away or actually drive him to cheat if he isn't already doing so. I am very confused. I can't tell at this point what is in my head or real clues. so, if anyone has advice, it would be greatly appreciated.
  24. I think that everyone has some minor insecurities but I do not think I have a huge insecurity problem.When ever I bring one of my female friends around a guy that I am interested in she immediately starts overly flirting with them...For example. I was dating a guy that was a bartender. I went to visit him at the bar one night. We were all having a nice time so I decided to invite my girlfriend. She told me that she thought he was attractive and I thanked her. It went all downhill from there. She kept staring at him and even removed her sweater to reveal a very skimpy top that she had on underneath. I just sat there wondering what the hell was going on as she told a these elaborate lies and and gyrated her ass and hips in front of my man and the people at the bar...The more inebriated she became the louder, overly sexual and obnoxious she was. At one point he even told her to remove her LEG from the counter at his bar....When we all stood up to leave she had on very tight jeans and squated all the way to the floor in a legs wide open position and her arms stretched forward.. She said she had to "stretch"..Everyone (mostly men at the bar) thought she was funny....Which I think she is also but I also think there are limits. I don't wan to sound insecure by saying something to her... I'm not sure exactly what I should do to resolve this problem. If anyone has every been in a similar situation or just care to add something PLEASE DO SO..!!
  25. Hi Guys!its my first post here,I like a girl whose one of my best friends,we both are 20,i know her from college for a couple of months know I was almost sure she likes me,i asked her out couple of weeks back,she said i'm one of her best friends and thats all,and we'll remain friends,and she said if she goes into a relationship it'd be a very serious one,then she said she likes somebody,and she is not gona tell him,but she is telling me,(???)later the same day i called her and we had a long conversation in which i ended up asking her whose the other guy who turned out to be a very good common friend,(the same guy who advised me to ask her out)We still hangout together,have a great time and i feel she is insecure about girls around me,but after i asked her out,i feel she is trying to hide it and trying to show that she is insecure about the other guy(Jack),We still talk almost everyday,infact litrally everyday,her body language say she likes me,but she says she does't.. I'm in hell lot of confusion,her jumbled mind(GOD)she is intrested in everybody i am related to or close to,she shares all her stuff with me,her sister says she has no idea whats in her head,should i just move on?Wait?Continue as friends?Ask her again?Why is she acting like this?I asked her if she wants to go out with jack,but she said NO,She is scared to go out with him,(scared of Jack),at times i get a feeling she is just playing.. Where on earth do i stand??
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