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kdreger

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Everything posted by kdreger

  1. kdreger
    The problem is her wanting a break (that's ok - it happens). The problem is that she's sleeping with someone else. That's where she disrespects you. I'm sorry to say that even though you love her, by sleeping with someone else she's showing you she doesn't feel the same way. Cut your ties. If you truly want her back, you have to give her time to fall on her face and regret leaving you.
  2. kdreger
    Men! Wait that's me. Anyways, to play devil's advocate. Why is it that men are all or nothing? Why do you have to have her 100% or none at all. Why can't you just enjoy the time you have. So instead of enjoying what she's giving you, you're going to drop her and have nothing to do with her. Really, it's an issue of control. You want her on your terms - not hers. Is this going to be about who is in control or giving someone space to decide. You're getting her attention, it's just not as often as YOU wish. So decide. Is she your dream girl? If so, give her space, let her enjoy this time - you have all the time in the world. If you feel there are many fish in the sea, let her go and find someone who will fit into your view of what a relationship should be.
  3. kdreger
    Now I'm not saying I'm a cruel person but I'd torment him. Have fun at his expense. Don't consider it being mean, just getting even. I'm serious Instead of wasting time doing some chit-chat email that really means nothing, email him how you're dating someone new now. Furthermore, that thing you wouldn't do in the bedroom, we've done it twice! Rave about this new person being incredible especially in things that your ex was insecure about. Have some fun with your ex. I mean really, based on what you've said, he has it coming. If you follow this advice, please post your email
  4. kdreger
    6 weeks for me and I'm happy to say that after a weekend of mourning I'm starting to feel anger! SWEET! Horrible weekend as I discovered she went off to rendevous with some guy and jump his bones for the weekend while I'm stupidly sitting here grieving. Well *beep* her! She ain't all that! I hope she falls on her ass and wakes up to the fact that she lost out when she dumped me. Wait for it, anger feels good
  5. kdreger
    Wait for it guys... Soon will come the anger stage. I'm in it right now. Forget the *beep*! If she thinks she can do better than you... *beep* her! Karma, baby, it exists. Maybe not right now but eventually she'll be where you are now and then she'll look back and think about it. Watch "Swingers". It's a show about a guy who is dumped and has to come to terms with it. Best thing you can do is act like you don't care, even if you do.
  6. kdreger
    That's where I was over 2 years ago when I got a seperation from my wife. I had to leave my home, my wife and my two boys. It took me 2 tries before I finally got the strength to leave but I had to leave. I wasn't happy there anymore. We all only have one life. You have to do things that keep you happy and healthy. If that means leaving, then that is what you have to do. It's not about being a bad or good person. You are no use to anyone if you are not happy with your life. You will never have friends if you can't be a friend and you can't be one if you're miserable. 6 months after I left, my wife thanked me even though she hated me for months because after she finished grieving she saw how our lives changed and how we were better off in the end. We don't fight anymore and I consider my ex-wife one of my best friends now. As well, my boys see us happy together and that is far healthier then staying and them seeing us miserable. You have to think like that and you have to have the courage to stand on your own. At some point in our lives, we are alone. It is unavoidable. Be alone and use that time alone to make peace with it. You will be a stronger person in the end. Good luck.
  7. kdreger
    First question, why do those women page him? If I was with a woman and she had a pager where guys were paging her all the time. Forget that! I'd tell her to lose the pager while I'm around or I'm gone. That's incredibly disrespectful to have women paging him while he's with his woman. Geez.
  8. kdreger
    Welcome to breaking up with someone who doesn't want to seem like a bad person. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Basically, she wants the excitement of the new relationship but you sitting in the background in case it doesn't work out. She's playing you the same way my ex played me. What you have to do is get your pride back and show her that you're not going to be her pigeon. Take control because right now she's in control. Tell her that if she wants to be with someone else, fine, you're not waiting for her. Start being seen with other girls, even if they're just friends. Show her she's wrong, you won't be played. It's hard because you love her but she's showing that she doesn't respect you.
  9. kdreger
    It sounds as if she's avoiding you. Possibly because she doesn't feel the same way and doesn't want to hurt you. Don't push but you may want to talk to her in a non-confrontal way.
  10. kdreger
    Yoga and kickboxing. Sweet! You'll get a guy no problem if you keep with that - all men like fit, strong, confident women. Don't give up hope!
  11. kdreger
    I hear ya. It's been a month since my ex broke up with me - a month of hell. I kept telling her I could just be friends but it's impossible so I cut of contact. Now days last forever and life is plain and boring. I just exist. I take it day by day and wait for the pain to end. Someday it will, we all just need to be patient at times like these and have hope.
  12. kdreger
    Do you hear the two of you? Fire and Ice. You two need to spend time apart and have absolutely NO contact. After a month of not seeing or talking to each, meet. At that time tell each other how you've been and if it's worth salvaging. One or both of you might have moved on but that will answer the problem. All I see otherwise is you two making each other miserable until one of you snaps and does or says something that will keep you from even talking to each other again.
  13. kdreger
    I hear ya! All I can say is ride it out! Don't give in. I know you probably hear "It'll get better" but that doesn't seem to help when you feel empty inside. Like there's this huge hole and you can't ever see it being filled. I'm there too. My ex went off this weekend to spend time with guy(s) she met online - dancing, laughing, kissing and sex. All I'm doing it sitting at home, watching TV, missing her and wondering if I'm ever going to find love again. Life sucks and all I or you can do is get up each day and hope eventually it gets better.
  14. kdreger
    It all depends on the person who did the break. They felt the need to leave the relationship - what could convince them to return to it? I would say, rarely. People are like shoes, you try them on and some don't fit. If it was meant to be it would be, if not... maybe someday but until both the parties overcome the reason why the relationship failed, there would be no point in returning to it anyways.
  15. kdreger
    Part of the problem people still love someone after a breakup is because they didn't want it to end. Did she break with you? I'm in the same boat. My ex broke up with me and now is off dating and who knows what else with other guys. I still love her. The only solution I can give you is what I'm attempting to do - go cold turkey. You're just punishing yourself otherwise. You hold on to a false sense of hope when she's around. She's moved on and you will have to as well. You just have to give it time. How long depends on you but it will be a struggle, it'll be hard, but one day you will be ok again.
  16. kdreger
    Ok, the paranoid side of me has kicked in. 31-18 and you've got champagne... watch it. Don't get her drunk and get her doing something she's going to regret as it'll come back and bite you on the ass. She might enjoy it in the moment of drunkeness but feel bad after. Why don't you just ask her if you can kiss her. Simple as that. Get up the courage. If she says, yes, there there you go - the icebreaker. If she says, no, then she just wants to be friends. You have to make sure it's a definite answer so that both of you can relax. It seems to me that she's told you, no. The problem is that she doesn't seem to know that she's subtley leading you on by spending time alone with you. Tread lightly dude.
  17. kdreger
    "I know I have some things to fix in myself. When I look in the mirror I don't really like the person who looks back. I am doing thing to help this problem. I know that it will help me and Wendy" Based on that comment I would say that you have co-dependency issues. In order to properly love someone, you have to love yourself first. You have to feel that your life has purpose without this person being a part of it. As well, your fixing yourself for the wrong reasons - you have to want to do it for you not her. That said, it's hard to do. I can't even follow the above advice. Don't do what I did - I smothered and drove her away. Basically, you have to be able to live without her to properly live with her. When women want space it means that they aren't happy. The only thing you can do is give her that space and hope that after being alone she likes being with you more. It's a raw deal. I know as that's what happened to me (and she's moved on). You have to come to terms with the fact that you have no control over what happens now. All you can do is wait. I feel your pain and wish you happines.
  18. kdreger
    Agreed. First thing first, diffuse the situation. He must stop contacting her as it is putting her in harms way and if he truly loves her he must understand this. Secondly, you must make sure she is willing to talk about this abuse. The worst thing you can do is try to solve her problems without her wanting you to. She'll deny it and it will cause her more grief when they try to force her to admit to it. It's a tough situation. I agree there is some responsibility to not allow it to go on but as whitelilly said, the best is to mention it to someone you can trust will be understanding of the sensitivity of the situation.
  19. kdreger
    First off, you don't have to take it. No one, no matter who they are, has any right to abuse another human being. Tell someone you can trust. Either your mother, a teacher, another parent or even a cop. If you're afraid of him hurting you or him getting in trouble, tell someone you can trust will be careful and sensitive to the situation. I suggest someone who has enough sense to see the larger picture like a counsellor or someone who knows your dad, doesn't hate him and respects you. You want to solve the problem without causing you more grief in the solution.
  20. kdreger
    Lord, if only I had that sort of problem. Since you don't know if either is completely serious yet, don't decide until then. Be friends with both and see if one is more serious as well you may decide you like one more than the other or fate will make that decision for you. Remember, if you like them as friends, take care as a relationship that goes bad will kill a friendship as well.
  21. kdreger
    I don't want to sound shallow as I loved my ex but my ex was awesome in bed. There's a part of me that wonders if I'll find that again. The willingness to try things and have fun. Instead of one of my other ex's where it was a job getting her to do anything. They say we grieve for ourselves - I'm definitely proving that right
  22. kdreger
    First off, I'm sorry this has happened to you. The loss of trust in a relationship due to a betrayal like infidelity is something that takes ALOT of work to overcome because a part of you will always distrust her. If she is serious about making things work, she has a long road ahead of her. That said, affairs don't just happen. There is some reason she did what she did. What did she get out of the affair? If like you say, you had made the last 5 years special, it's not as if the relationship had stagnated. Did you ask her why? Why was she willing to throw away the marriage and her relationship with you and the kids over a fling? You really have to assess if you want to save the marriage and if she is truthful in wanting to as well. It's not easy and both have to be dedicated to saving it.
  23. kdreger
    I've started chatting with a girl I met online and I really enjoy her wit. The only problem is that I'm still grieving so I have lame moments when I feel unfaithful (ha! What a riot!) and a sort of fear that by meeting someone new that that makes the breakup real. What a mess. Even though my ex says nothing will ever happen between us in the future - I still have moments of denial / hope. Thankfully, we have cut off contact so I'm getting a chance to really grieve and distance myself. I do find talking to other women helpful in that it lessons the self-loathing and low self-worth. One thing I really regret doing is connecting songs with my ex while we were together!! Of course, not obscure lame songs that you never hear but popular ones so everytime they play I'm reminded of her! What a fool I was!! hahahahah
  24. kdreger
    Be friendly but play it cool. The worst thing you can do is make a fool of yourself - if you're wrong you'll never live it down. Be open and welcoming but not forward. Let him make the move if he's interested - just make sure to meet him half way. If he holds your hand, let him! Just relax. The worst thing you can do is make it uncomfortable. Pretend you don't know he's interested and you're there as a friend - it'll take the pressure off of him (which can kill any courage he builds up).
  25. kdreger
    I like your comment about wanting to puke hahahah I remember trying to chat up some girls right after the break... all I did was feel like puking. It's a double edged sword, jealousy. Even if you're right you're screwed.
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