For almost 3 and a half years I have been going out with Wendy. The way we met was different in my book. We met on the internet, emailed each other for a few days, than talked for hours on the phone for a week. Normally I hate talking on the phone, but Wendy made it easy. We talked about everything. We both told each other many personal things that would have taken months or even years to learn. When we finally met. I must say that I didn't feel a big physical attraction but knowing as much as I did about Wendy seemed to balance things out. Over the years this attraction has grown.
I am 42, divorced with 5 older children. The youngest will be 13 in a few months. Wendy is 36 with 3 children, 2 girls 6 & 9 and a boy who is 14. She divorced the father of her son and her two daughters have also different fathers. None of them are in their lives. The feelings I have for Wendy are much stronger than the feeling I had for my wife. When I married her, she was pregnant.
The only thing that bothers me about Wendy is she likes to go out to the bars and dance. I am trying to learn how to dance better because it is actually fun, I just don't do it well. In my mind two people in a relationship should not be doing things, like the bar scene, dancing with the opposite sex, when your partner is not there. I know Wendy has been on her own pretty much from her teen years. Her parents lived in a bottle and Wendy was allowed to do or not do what ever she wanted to do. No supervision. This is like the only thing about Wendy that bothers me. I have become attached to her children and I love her with all my heart. The thing that I know I do that is wrong is that I can be smothering. Just a few days ago Wendy said she feels trapped and she needed some space. Me being the smothering type find this really hard to do. But I am trying. I have not seen her or talked to her for days and it is totally killing me. My friends and even one of hers' tell me that I need to do what she asks. I really love Wendy and believe that we could be very happy together. I just don't know what to do.
I would do anything for this woman. I know I have some things to fix in myself. When I look in the mirror I don't really like the person who looks back. I am doing thing to help this problem. I know that it will help me and Wendy, I just hope it's not to late. I want to have a life with her. I want to grow old with her. I want to be a family.
I asked Wendy if she felt loved as a child. Her answer was "probably not." The men who fathered her children are skids. We both agree. I don't think Wendy ever felt really loved and I don't think she knows how to be loved or to love herself. She has admitted that she has problems showing love. Even to her own children.
More than anything I want a life with Wendy. What should I do? Does anyone have something to say or ask?
Bill
