Just stumbled accross this board and have to say how very helpful it is reading other people's stories. I don't usually use forums/message boards so bear with me! Right now I am so sad I will try anything to get over this situation. I guess then i probably should just tell my story.
After a previous messy break up which took a year to get over, I was ready again to get into a relationship and when I was least expecting it, met the girl of my dreams. That is how it felt for the 18 months we went out. We fell in love after about 3 or 4 days and we both admitted that it really was the real thing. After 6 months though, she had to return to Sweden to finish her study and we made plans for me to move over after a while, though she planned to return to the UK after a year to do a masters degree. We both were very upset, phoning/texting/emailing constantly, and managed to see eachother about 6 times in the coming year, but the pain was real hard having to say goodbye to eachother those times, and it took a while to get back to normal each time.
We decided to keep this up though for the year, due to her work commitments, and still managed to be in touch all the time...we had a LOT of love and our feelings were running high just about 24/7. We were both aware that it was a very hard thing we were doing...keeping up a LDR, but were trying our best to live our own lives at the same time. Not once did we think about ending it and I had no idea she was thinking along those lines. I trusted that she was always open and honest, and I still believe that this may have been the only exception to that. She had told me stuff about previous relationships of hers, that for some strange reason she often gets 'cold feet' after about a year and a half, but also told me she had never been as close to anyone as she had me and never felt so strongly so I did the sensible thing and put any worries over our splitting up well to the back of my mind. I knew how busy she was and didn't think she would be thinking about us as much due to her heavy workload.
However, about a month ago, we hadn't been in touch for about a week, VERY unusual, so I emailed her asking her if everything was OK and did she have the 'cold feet'...stupid idea in retrospect. And I got the reply back saying she was still in love with me loads, missing me and that YES, due to her work she has had no time to do anything much but that everything was fine and NOT to worry. Then about 3 days later I get a very urgent sounding message asking me to call her and suddenly, BAM...out of the blue, it seems that this relationship is not working because of the distance thing and she is not sure if she will be returning to the country to study afterall. Great timing. And I feel gagged and tied up because I can't see her, all I can do is eventually admit that "well, if that's what you wanna do..."... what else can I do?
She came to London for a week just after the split but I decided not to go see her even though she wanted to see me...I don't know why exactly she did, I assume she cares about me loads, but that is confusing in itself. We spoke on the phone loads for the first 2 weeks which was was a big commitment and VERY hard, but since then I have emailed her a couple of times and sent her a letter, I cannot bring myself to call her. She is desperate to do the whole "friends" thing and says she is SO glad to still be in touch, I guess I just have to make the best of that but you guessed it, I want her back SO much.
Someone said I just have to leave her to get on with her life and maybe she will realise her mistake. I am absolutely 100% convinced and always have been that if we had a chance to be together we would have the most intensely beautiful, loving and fantastic relationship as we did in the first 6 months. Neither of us have changed and that's what really hurts...the fact that we never got a chance to give it a real go, there is still SO much for us to do together, places to go, people to meet, basically so much for us to discover together and about eachother. That feels really bad to think about, and I want to tell her all of this but she is a very strong-minded person and I fear I would be completely wasting my time.
So now I don't know what to do, I am so confused. I have read SO much on the internet and in books and heard so much wise words from friends all saying the same things, and I really do believe that I may get over it and the horrible horrible pain and all the tears will die down. But at the end of the day it feels like there is only two people on the planet who really understand just what has been lost, me and her. Ofcourse I understand that she is probably hurting too, I just wish we could get over it together and perhaps that would cement our "friend"ship, or something??
But before I write a whole book about this, I would REALLY REALLY appreciate any feedback or sympathetic replies or ANYTHING, or if any girl reading this could perhaps explain how my ex might have been thinking? Maybe that is a tall order. I miss her so much and wish we could have been together and talked it through before she made her decision. I feel SO lonely not having that connection with her anymore. Please help!! I bet the answer is real simple, I just cannot see it. Thanks. Take care people.
