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kdreger

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Everything posted by kdreger

  1. kdreger
    He just sounds like he likes to talk. Not to insult you but it probably doesn't matter who he's talking to. Have you talked to other people he knows? Chances are he's the same way with them. Honestly, I don't think he'd notice if you disappeared, he'd probably just call someone else. Your weakness has that you've been there in the past so he thinks you're willing to listen to him talk about himself. Call display is a great thing.
  2. kdreger
    Do you guys do enough foreplay? Lubrication is important and a lot of women need foreplay to get lubricated. Without lubrication there is too much friction and it'll hurt. So either increase the amount of foreplay (oral stimulation, finger play, kissing etc) or use some sort of KY jelly for lubrication until your body starts to generate its own.
  3. kdreger
    First off, don't feel guilty for wanting to have sex! Not only is it biologically important respective to procreation but it is the highest form of intimacy between two people. To be blunt, your woman need psychological help. Chances are there's more than the fear of it hurting. I would suspect that she's possibly been sexually abused (1 in every 3 women will be in her lifetime). This would explain her fear of sex more than the "pain" issue. No amount of romance, talking or arguing will help her - she needs professional help to overcome her guilt, fear and shame. Why else would she refer to herself as a "bad person"? She's saying a lot with those words - she believes that. The fact that you've lasted as long as you have is a biggy. Don't give up yet but you have to be strong. Tell her that she has to get help to work through this problem as you want a passionate relationship with her, not a friendship. You can't make her change but she has to be willing to take a risk for you, to show you that she loves you. I hope it works out for the both of you.
  4. kdreger
    Obsession is not a homosexual issue. Obsession happens to straight people as well. Having an obsession with someone is feeling that you cannot be happy without that person. This shows a flaw in your existing relationship and your perception of what makes you happy. No one person can give your life meaning. The solution with obsession is breaking off ALL contact and having the strength to keep it that way. You can get help from professionals but like any addiction, the strength to overcome it has to come from you. You have to make a decision as to if you are going to live your straight life or a gay one. You CANNOT have both. You are being disrespectful to your wife and child. It is better to be honest to them then have it come out by doing something behind their backs. You like every closet homosexual are in a tough spot. I don't envy you as any straight person couldn't imagine living like that. Just remember that, in having a family, you have to temper your needs against their well being. Making a mistake can have long term effects that will haunt you for YEARS.
  5. kdreger
    You can't let this relationship effect every future relationship. If you do, you're letting this jerk have power over you for years. So you were "used", take it as a learning experience, next time you'll be able to prevent it from happening. No relationship is a waste if you learn something. Also be proud of yourself. What is the long term damage here? You didn't have sex with him, all you did was a little oral. You should laugh at the SOB that he missed out on the best part! It's HIS loss, not yours. Don't make it an issue by punishing yourself. You're allowing your pride to make this a bigger deal than it really is. Look at it as a learning experience and move on. Anything else and you're punishing yourself and extending the pain.
  6. kdreger
    You know what the defining factor is? Your emotional stability. If being with her will hurt you in the long run, don't. Don't extend your suffering. If you want to "lose your virginity" to someone you care about and for it to be special. See her. Give it to someone who meant something to you and enjoy the moment for what it is. Don't grieve for what you can't have and rejoice in the moment that you do. We only regret what we don't do. Don't live with a regret.
  7. kdreger
    If you want a reaction you'll have to play a little. Do stuff to purposely get a reaction.... hehheheh There's a method to my madness... read on. [Graphic detail warning] Next time you're down there... see if she likes getting a pinky finger in the other hole... does she react? No, check her pulse!!! Yes, there the beauty of it now she is worried about what you MIGHT do. Have some fun with that... run your fingers around down there and tease her as if you're going to do it again. When you're moving your tongue down there, tease her as if you're going to go there with your tongue... As well, bring in objects: 1) Ice 2) Di ldo 3) Feather 4) Your buddy Steve! hahahha
  8. kdreger
    It all sounds like bad news to me. If I didn't know better she appears to enjoy tormenting you - she likes the feeling of "power" over you. Every time you tell her you're interested, she says she's not and then gets more intense. Get the hell out. All it will lead to is grief. Get a normal girl around who does what she means and means what she does.
  9. kdreger
    The problem Genesis is that you take things to the extreme. Your examples are extreme examples. If I brought kids into a relationship and my new wife said some nights she wanted to go out and party with the girls as a way to keep some of her freedom I would be ok with that. Is she dancing with other men? Possibly but it's a trust issue isn't it. As for switching roles, if we did then you would understand that a man is very much different from a woman and you can't apply how you feel about things to him (ie your view of porn).
  10. kdreger
    What the? Am I the only one who feels sympathy for the mother? What if she is feeling lost? Lost in a loveless marriage? I can't imagine spying on my mother... geez. Walk a mile in her shoes... until you do that you have no right to judge her.
  11. kdreger
    Some might argue that you should stay for this and that but honestly, only you know. When you're laying in bed, in the dark in the middle of the night, do you feel happy? Or do you feel lonely? Do you wonder: is this it? Is this the best my life is going to get? Do you wish you were someone else? Life can be so much better than that. Life can be passionate and beautiful when you're with someone that lights that inner fire. When was the last time that you thought of someone and your heart raced. Where you looked forward to seeing them and your heart ached. I think you know the answer to your question - you just have to have the courage to face it.
  12. kdreger
    Sorry to say this but how are you sure she isn't getting it elsewhere right now? I mean once in a year?!?!! The from a person who had an affair? It all sounds strange to me. If nothing works, it might be time to move on and learn from the experience.
  13. kdreger
    The point where porn gets too obsessive is the point where everything else gets obsessive - when it effects you living your life. Looking at porn is not bad and is quite healthy for a man but if you do it to the point where you're doing it INSTEAD of being with your wife, that's obsessive. See, you're making assumptions. She didn't say it was effecting their sex life. That is obsessive. A healthy porn interest is where it appeases a sexual need in the male. Some women do not understand what it is like to have a man's sex drive. If he's appeasing by looking at porn instead of flirting with women or having affairs etc... then it is a healthy solution for him. The problem is that you're not neutral on this issue . It has nothing to do with being competition for the woman. That is where the problem lies - when women take such things personally. I don't look at porn but I'm a minority. Most men do and also visit strippers (which many women have a problem with as well). I don't see anything wrong with either IF the man understands that it is an amusement. Men are fascinated with women and sex. It's biological. Why do you think strippers exist in every city on this planet? It is a characteristic of men. Porn is not the cause nor the symptom. When a man cheats it isn't because of porn, it's because of him. It's synonymous with the saying that a gun doesn't kill people - people kill people. Don't blame one when it is the other. Blah! An anal husband will fault you for getting a divorce. God forbid you have sex outside of marriage!!! You're wrong. He's married to the kids as well. The only way the kids do not effect his world is if they live in another city and he has nothing to do with them. She brought baggage into the relationship in the form of children. He loved her enough to accept that - she should allow him some things like a healthy interest in porn.
  14. kdreger
    I agree with Winkie. Your kids are a constant reminder that you've been with someone else, that you shared the intimacy of having children with that other person etc etc. He accepted you for that and rose above it to marry you, thinking you worth dealing with and raising kids that aren't his. Now he's doing something harmless like looking at porn (which ALOT of men do) and you're faulting him. Chances are a guy who doesn't look at porn at all would be so anal-retentive that he wouldn't be with a woman who has kids. In every relationship you have to take the good with the bad. Don't let your insecurities and issues with porn (IMHO harmless and healthy) ruin a great relationship and lose a special man.
  15. kdreger
    Geeez... get to first base first before you plan out the whole baseball season! Don't make the mistake of screwing this up by complicating it. Just have some fun and if something else happens while you're having fun, good for you. Don't go in with your heart on your sleeve hoping for marriage and 2.5 kids and scaring her off.
  16. kdreger
    Don't let anyone lie to you or tell you differently. We're all shallow. This follows the argument that everything we do, even if it appears to be selfless, is, on some level, done for a selfish reason. Even your guilt is based on selfishness. YOU don't want to deal with her being upset. See you're being shallow in you avoidance in telling her how you feel. Actually, staying with her would be shallow too since you really don't feel that way about her - doesn't she deserve better than that?!? In the end, no matter what you do, you're going to feel guilty. So buck up and do the right thing - tell her the truth... Tell her your gay.
  17. kdreger
    Question. How's the foreplay been? Have you been pleased orally for any decent length of time?
  18. kdreger
    The first everything should be a pleasant experience. Only thing I can suggest is don't force it. Gradual closeness is best to lesson the mood. Hold her hand first or hug her. That way when you go in for the kiss she isn't shocked by the intimacy. It'll be more comfortable and natural if you've got her relaxed with being close.
  19. kdreger
    The metaphor I like to use is that people are like shoes. Some fit, some don't. There may be a perfect pair of shoes out there that has everything you've ever been looking for but why miss out on some damn good shoes just because you don't like an aspect of them. We all have fundamental things that have to be there and we can forgo other things - you just have to figure out what they are.
  20. kdreger
    I have one word for you... FOREPLAY! It's the journey NOT the destination. Get your tongue and fingers ready, it's time to explore the woman's vagina. Remember though, it is very sensitive down there, you're not 10 pin bowling! First you want to get her wet so when you insert your fingers it's pleasant and not painful. That's what your tongue is for. The clitoris is a fascinating thing... play with it with your tongue... pretend you're writing something with your tongue, maybe writing a letter to a buddy commenting on how much fun you're having... her reaction will tell you how good you're doing and read her body language as well. Then insert a finger BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CLIP YOUR NAILS!! If you want to drive her wild - insert your index finger, palm up and rub the musle inside her vagina below her clitoris. Do that and use your tongue and you will be the golden boy.
  21. kdreger
    Hello everyone! It's Mr. Bad News here. You know what this sounds like to me? She curious about another guy or wants to date other guys. Grass is greener and all that. Women are an odd creature. Although she loves you, she is going to fight that love for the opportunity to explore dating other guys. Nothing you can do. So even though she crys and such... she's going to stay distant. What can you do? DO NOT GROVEL OR PLEAD. If you want this to, in any way, go your way. You have to both give her space and NOT get emotional!! This is very very important. All you will be doing by getting upset and showing this is make her feel like you're baggage and you were incredibly lucky getting her. NOT WHAT YOU WANT. You've cried once - THAT'S ENOUGH. She's seen you upset - now you have to appear confident and strong. She's made her decision and you in your manhood have accepted it and you're getting on with your life - her loss. By playing it cool, she will wonder about you. She will think... hmmm... he's pretty cool about this whole thing. She will start to wonder if you're getting on with your life and if she was lucky to have you. She will start to look at guys as not comparable to you as you're such a strong confident man. I mean don't be indifferent or mean but cool... you're happy to talk to her BUT you don't bring up the break or ask her any questions about her dating life. In essense, it's a battle of wills. Who is the weakest here. Will you break down and sob saying you want her blah blah or will she break down seeing you get on with life without her. Trust me, I've been there and I know from experience what happens and why it happens. You still have a chance but it's a tight rope.
  22. kdreger
    It's crap. What would he do if you were doing that? Maybe start talking more with a guy friend... make sure you laugh a lot and seem annoyed if he tries to talk to you while you're on the phone with the guy friend. What would happen? He'd lose it! Men are hilarious in wanting something that they wouldn't allow their mate to have. It is a well known fact that if you want a relationship to last you have to give up your opposite sex friends to some degree so that you can commit your attention to your mate. Your mate shouldn't have to compete for attention.
  23. kdreger
    I agree with the prior two posts. My ex and I are over and I'm happy for her finding someone new but I find it tough knowing that she has someone new and I don't. It's natural to feel this way. You made choices wanting your life to be moving forward and you see his as doing that and not yours. It hurts. Be strong though. It's all about perspective. Just because he's kissing someone doesn't mean it's a good relationship - she might be a freak! Better to move ahead in positive way when everything is right rather than force it.
  24. kdreger
    Do yourself a favour. Get out of the marriage BEFORE you have sex with the other woman. Remember, even if you divorce her, your current wife will be a part of your life until the kids are grown and move out. thereforeeeeee, it's in your best interest to get a divorce on good terms. Not only so that you two can be friends afterwards but she can rip you a new one financially in the courts and limit your access to your children. As well, if this other woman is important and you want it to last, get with her in a honest way versus doing it behind everyone's back. It may be exciting but it won't last. Don't be an idiot. This is HUGE! Doing the wrong thing can have a negative effect on your life for YEARS in many ways!
  25. kdreger
    Call her! Just don't offer information!!! You've been busy, having fun, etc etc. It really depends on what she has to say. I don't know her so I can't say the best way to deal with it but give her a call. Just make sure that you don't blow it by: 1) Whinning - "DON'T YOU LOVE ME!??!!?" 2) Crying - "SOB! OH GOD I MISS YOU!! GASP!" 3) Call her a liar and a whore within the first couple minutes 4) Demand to know what she was doing at 2:01am last Saturday as you drove by her place and you were sure she wasn't home! 5) Begging - "I'LL DO *ANYTHING* - PLEASEEEEE! 6) Act unrealistically happy - "I'VE GOT NEW SOCKS!!" 7) Call more than the once because you want to make sure that when you said goodbye you weren't saying GOODBYE but just saying I'll see you later and later could be whenever you feel like you want to call because you want her to know that she can call anytime although it's not as if you're just waiting around for her to call because you have a life now even though she's not a part of it but you are available if she wants to do something even though you're not waiting around for her... yeah
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