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About Me

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  1. Am I worth it to you? Am I still in your heart? Or has another man Taken my place? Is everything we worked for in vain? Was everything you said to me a lie? Did you even think of my feelings As you kissed another guy? Can we make it through? Will this relationship survive? Is there any chance of keeping the flame alive? Am I going to be alright? Will I make it through? And when I get to the other side? Am I still going to see you? Can I rebuild the trust That you callously tore away? Can I escape the memories of that shocking revelation That you and he revealed to me on that day? Will we still have our anniversary? Will we still have that wonderful day? Or has our chance to make this work gone on? Do you even have anything to say? Can we rebuild what has been lost? And go forth without malice or hate? Please, for the sake of my broken heart. Is it too late?
  2. My girlfriend cheated on me six months ago and we split up. After some time for NC, healing and attempted reconciliation, we cut all contact. A month after that, she came back to me as the girl I fell in love with, not the monster she was over the summer - for a couple of days. We cut contact again, that was two months ago. Before she got in touch again, I fell out of love with her and was doing fine. After we cut contact for the second time, I went through that process again (sort of). But for the last few days, I've been feeling incredibly sad again, crying etc. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because last week it was exactly six months since everything went wrong, and it would've been our two year anniversary (we split up on our 18 month anniversary). It doesn't seem like that though. In three months, I leave the country. And I've got this strange urge to make contact with her, even if it's just one sided and not wanting a reply. I don't know why or what good it would do. I'm just so confused these past few days and I don't know why. Anybody else ever have random days like this? Or maybe I never truly got entirely over her and I'm going through the motions now? Any ideas? These past few days have been so hard, even though I've been keeping busy. It seems so random that I should feel this way now.
  3. Just a quick question for you all.. I linger here a lot when I should be working I come in this section as well and I am wondering: When you meet someone Online and it's awhile before you actually physically meet. If you consider yourself a couple, when do you establish the anniversary? When you actually met? or when you first met online? (even if it started as a friendship) Just curious
  4. ill make it quick we went out for a year and it was very serious she broke up with my sunday (our 1 year anniversary) i do feel hurt but we broke up several times throughout the relationship and this time it doesnt hurt as bad as it did in the past i sorta expected it to happen again i have to see her tonight because we shoot pool together on the same team.....im scared that im gonna see her and feel all kinds of pain and get upset......give me some advice on how to handle myself tonight she said she wants to see if we can be friends but i dunno give me some advice please on how to handle tonight
  5. me and my ex have been on good terms lately, and our supposed 2nd year anniversary is coming up. We've never established NC so I kinda figured that "what the heck, I'll give her something special" for the occasion. She loves watching Dr. Phil and I looked around for an awesome gift that would make her happy, so I found this company that does singing telegrams! yes, singing telegrams. I'm gonna surprise her on our day with a Dr. Phil look alike and he's gonna bring balloons and will sing "you've got a friend, peaceful esay feeling and Leaving on a jet plane. for her. Just wanted your opinon on this... oh and yes, that thing was friggin expensive! 200 buckS!!!!!
  6. hello all! Not sure how to deal with this- Aaargh! My ex is giving me mixed signals and it's really frustrating... OK, so a few weeks ago we were barely speaking. I listened to all of your wise advice: gave him a VERY wide berth, lots of space, very low contact for about two weeks. It was hard, but it didn't kill me because I knew we'd see each other at the end of the two weeks when we had to take a long drive together. He doesn't talk much, so I was looking forward to the drive, because I knew that a few hours in the car would be just the thing to open him up. Well the time apart was great! It gave me a chance to work on my coinfidence and mend my bruised ego, and him a chance to miss the things about me that are fun. During the two weeks, I worked on making me happy, (thanks Superdave!) and had no expectations about him...well, actually, I expected the worst, and planned to start living my life (sadly) without him in it. BUT....As soon as I saw him again, he held his arms out for a hug and smiled at me the way he used to... My heart sang! I jumped into his arms and we had the MOST romantic evening. Happy Siiiigh. So fast forward to now, another two and a half weeks later. I had an anniversary to celebrate, and he took me out and showed me a really special day. He paid for everything, (he's never done that before!) held my hand and acted all cuddly in public, held open doors for me, was sweet and fun to be around all day. It was amazing! I haven't seen this side of him in months, because before he left town, he'd been under a lot of stress, getting moodier and more secretive each day. Now when he's around me he seems to genuinely enjoy himself. We've established that we aren't seeing other people, and that we're monogamous, and that we really care for one another....I pushed for none of this, it all came up and I let him do the talking. Why would he act this way, so sweet, loving and attentive, yet not want to be in a committed relationship?!?! I'm so confused... So the mixed signals: he genuinely enjoys my company, and acts like we are a couple when we're together, but doesn't want to be my boyfriend. What the heck is that about? I'm pretty, fun, not pushy, I get asked out enough to feel confident about myself...could there be something else inherently wrong with me that he doesn't want to be in a committment anymore? Or am I just being stupid, and missing something obvious? It seems like if he was as interested in me as he acts, than he wouldn't want me seeing other people, so is he just acting when he's all sweet like this? Help!
  7. Hi guys, My b/f and I broke up in January. We haven't gotten back together but we are still very good friends. He spent the day with me on my birthday and that really made me happy. I still do have very strong feelings for him and I know he has feelings for me. I haven't mentioned getting back together with him for a while because I just don't know what he'll say. Well, next month would have been our two year anniversay. I would like to get back with him by then but I'm not even sure if I should mention anything. At the same time I dont wanna rush anything either. Its been on my mind for a few days. I want to say something 2 him about it......but at the same time I dont know how to. To be honest I still love him, I really do. Do you think i should bring it up or just forget about it all together??? If you do think I should mention something I should I go about it??? Thanks guys
  8. Things have been hard for me this past year. Next week marks the one year anniversary of the day I left my ex-husband. It was a bad and emotionally abusive relationship. I'm not sad I left, but the closer the "anniversary" comes, the more I think about how not to repeat my relationship mistakes. I'm not taking the blame, he was abusive and there's no excuse for what he did to me. But there were signs early on in the relationship that I either didn't see or didn't want to see. I've recently gotten into another relationship. If I could pick the polar opposite of my ex it would be my current bf. But I keep thinking lately, "What if I'm repeating history?" (This whole freaking out started last week when my mother had a "heart-to-heart" with me; expressing her concern that I'd screw up yet another relationship.) Things with the new bf are becoming strained. And I think a big part of that is my fear. Do I talk to my bf and let him know what's going on in my head? Or do I "put on my big girl panties and deal with it"? Did my mother plant the seed of doubt and now I'm reaping it? Could all this doubt and confusion be because I'm getting my period next week?
  9. Just wanted to drop aline and sa hello to all my enotaloners out there..oct 3 will be the 1 yr mark of the most painful day of m life. The day i was betrayed by the one person i loved in this world more than myelf. Well as some of you know it was probably the toughtest 8 months of my life. Between humiliating myself to the fullest and continously picking the break up wounds I come with news and advice for all my old and new friends here. Things are great now..it took a good 8 months to move on, and i have. Cristina will always be soemone special in my life. She was the one that made me so happy and so miserable at the same time ! she is one person that will never be forgotten . I am well, found a new job got a new girl and bought a new car. Time heals all wounds...I am happy and back on my feet. I still wish we could of worked out but it was never meant to be. Here is the facts for all you whom have just broken up. Suck it up and pelase never chase someone that does not want oyu. I tried to make it work 3 times ... I HAD NO CHANCE!!! I begged i grovelled i humiliated myself. Please walk away with dignity...I dont care how long your healing will take I dont care how much you hurt .. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT..I saw her recently at a party..i was with my new girl..she was..well the same crstina i remember. I hope you are all well...life goes on the present will becoem the past faster than you think..and the future will be the present...so put on your seatbelts on..its going to be a bumpy ride, but in the end rest assured.. everything will be just fine...PETE told you so!!!!!
  10. After doing nc for over 3 months now, I received a text from the ex, just saying that date would remain special to him and for me to remain myself... that was it!! I have to say it threw me to pieces. I couldn't sleep after it and felt all emotional inside again. No Contact has been the hardest thing for me, taking alot of support and strength to maintain it.. What I really wanted to do was text right back, but I had to remember everything we had gone through and the way he treated me. It is his b'day very soon and it made me re think whether I should text him or not... I had decided no, and I think I'm going to stick with nc... but it just made me re question my decision... It takes so much strength not to contact, and I know alot of people understand what I'm going through here... why do you think he text me for? It has really upset me and I've been trying so hard... I am making an effort to really move on and think positively and really understand now that anyone who loved me would never, ever treat me the way he did. Thanks for listening.
  11. Hello all. My girlfriend and I are coming up on our 1st yr. anniversary on Nov. 12. I would like to do something special. I was wondering if anyone here could assist me with any ideas or suggestions. Thanks all!
  12. So this is an msn conversation, i edited out the names...its all one person talking, i split it up so ur eyes wouldnt bleed from the absense of paragraphs lol! enjoy! I dont think of valentines day as any more of any other day its an excuse... to force couples to show their feelings when really they should be all the time it forces a guy to make time for his gf when really he should anyways... it pulls a girl away from shopping with her girls, and a guy from spending time watchign the game with his friends to make them spend time together when really it should be anyways... it makes him do something for her, and her do sometihng for him... makes him think about her more, and her think about him more... when really... it shold always be like that Valentines day is just another day... thats all i dont knwo about you... but id rather get a rose unexpectedly on a random day from my princess than expect one on v-day i'd love a random card she made for me 4 weeks before my birthday than a card ON my birthday i'd LOVE for her to sneak up behind me and hug me from behind and hear her tell me she loves me and give me a kiss on the cheek when im just randomly walking down the hall instead of expecting it on our anniversary when somethings expected, its not as good but when that special person turns your regular normal day into a day that you cant stop smiling that really means something because they do it, just because they care about you
  13. He broke up with me three weeks ago on account of not feeling the same way anymore. Today would have been our two year anniversary, and he wanted to hang out with me, and I agreed. We spent about 5 hours together, just driving around and talking...and it wasn't awkward or anything, we talked about all kinds of things, both mundane and serious...There was a little bit of physical contact, nothing really sexual, but he put his arm around me a few times, we goofed around (like mock wrestling, pinching each other's noses, that kind of stuff), and overall it was a fairly good time. We talked a little bit about what next year is going to bring and agreed that with our loaded class and work schedules, we would not have time to dedicate to each other had we stayed together (the original idea was for us to live together, but that fell through), and that other people can't possibly enter the picture because our lives are simply too busy. He told me that I need to watch a couple of movies that he really likes, and I said that the only movies I watch alone are chick flicks (which is true). He then asked if I would be willing to watch them with him and reminded me that I still owed him a few episodes of a certain TV show (meaning I promised him I'd watch them with him). I then told him that if he doesn't watch Office Space, he's toast, so he put that on the list of things to see as well. Towards the end of the night we had a little sentimental goodbye, he gave me a hug, I put my head on his shoulder, and there were a few little kisses involved. I told him that I don't want him to kiss me if he doesn't mean it, and he said that he knows and kissed me again. I kind of smiled and said that old habits (goodbye kisses) are hard to break, and he replied that I don't need to break them. I know what some people might say here...but he's a very honest, moral guy and just not the kind of person who would use someone to help him through his kissing deprivation stage. During our goodbyes, he said that he wished we could've done more things today that _I_ wanted to do (but I wasn't planning on doing anything in particular, I'd probably end up wanting more than he'd be comfortable giving, so I let him call the shots) and that he hoped hanging out with him today wasn't too hard on me emotionally, and I replied that I was glad to see him and glad that he still cares about me enough to make plans. To that he said, "More than you know," and gave me a long hug. I thanked him for today, he said that I never need to thank him for anything, we agreed to make plans for a campus tour and textbook shopping later, and that was it. So now I'm confused. I had a good time with him and am definitely looking forward to the next time we hang out (I'm going against the whole NC philosophy here, but I love his company, we have fun together, he makes me smile and feel good about myself and life in general, it's important to me to know what's going on in his life, etc.). Am I simply overanalyzing his actions tonight and the fact that he wants to see me again? Or can I take things at face value? And the fact that we both have very busy lives...does that mean that if we make an effort to spend time with each other as friends, things might get better again? (I mean, he was talking about seeing each other on a regular basis after class once school starts, if only for dinner...) And the hugs and kisses? They were short (not making out by any means) but warm and felt real...but I have a hard time believing they were real. Then again, over the course of our relationship, the guy never lied to me, I mean never, so if he said he wouldn't do anything if he didn't mean it, does that mean he meant it? Am I being a complete idiot here? I should probably stop trying to analyze things and follow his advice of "wait and see." But interpretations would be nice...
  14. My bf Alex had been sick for the last couple of days, and yesterday was our 5 month "anniversary" (he likes to celebrate each month, honestly, so do I.) Last night I got home from working starving and grumpy because work is pretty lame without him, and he opens up the door, says "happy aniversary" and presents me with dinner, and he even made a special sauce for the chicken. It meant a lot to me, because when we first met he was totally intimidated by cooking, but I have been teaching him and he's getting better and his chicken was even better than mine lol. I just thought it was super sweet
  15. I'm a bit down. Today would have been our anniversary with my ex. I went to Coney Island where we met, and just looked at everything. Flashbacks immedietly came to my head, how I was so excited, where we kissed, etc. I remember everything as clear as day...and it's all I can think about today. Also whether or not she is thinking about it too(some of you are probably going to say "nope" and it makes me upset that she isn't). I was doing fine, it's just that I was looking forward to this special day with her.
  16. I can't take this torment my own mind punishes me with. 2 days ago would have made me and my ex's anniversary. As the hours float by, my memories of us 2 together come back as clear as day. Hour by hour, day by day, what we did when we first met. I was getting over it...I was happy, I was fine, but now I feel like crying everyday like I did when she dumped me and betrayed me. It's not even day dreams, it's literally I turn my head to my bed, and there she is laying there under my blankets looking at me smiling. I may sound insane, but I'm starting to miss her alot. I can't even move on like this. I've been on NC with her, and I know she's having fun, and doesn't give a damn what's happening to me. But I'm a disaster, isn't the "good guy" supposed to be the victor? Why is this happening to me?
  17. we were seeing eachother for three months...then decided to be official. Coming up on the third month...things are going great! He got me a teddy on the first mo (i forgot), and a rose on the second (i forgot)...I want to acknowledge the third month...but I have no idea what to get or better yet can't think of something i could do... any ideas out there??
  18. hey all: i'm a little confused about something and i'd like to consult you enotaloners before i confront my bf about it, so here goes: i've been seeing this guy for about a month now and our "anniversary" i guess you could call it is coming up on the 28th of august - we will have been seeing each other for exactly one month. now i'm the kind of girl who will celebrate any and every silly little milestone - the last day of school, the last day of summer vacation, moving day, and so forth - but i figured, hey, one month of seeing each other, that's pretty darned special. so i asked him if he wanted to "celebrate" with me on monday, and he said that it may be too early for that sort of thing, that, yes even though we have been seeing each other for a month, it's been a fast month, and that to "celebrate" a one month "anniversary" would be a little too soon for him. now what i don't get is that he is willing to move as fast as sleeping with each other, and willing to say that i'm his girlfriend and to stay committed and monogamous with me and all, but cannot move as fast as "celebrating" a milestone like being together for one month with me. i have no intention of forcing him to do what he doesn't want to do. nor do i wish to go any faster than how we're already moving - i only wish for clarity: what could possibly be the difference between moving fast enough to sleep with each other, say that we're bf/gf, and be committed and monogamous with each other; and moving slowly so as not to acknowledge our being together for one month? i really don't understand. hope some of you can provide insight thanks -H-
  19. I am just posting this to vent my feelings, that is all. It is approaching the six year anniversary since my late grandfather died. He had a long road leading up to this we new roughly about six months before hand that it was going to be a long road. Always taking time off school to help, and always being there. My father and he were not that happiest of father and son in their household. This was typically the household that favoured the first born, my father was not the first born in his house, and neither was I. Because of this my fathers and I were always treated second best to our sisters by him. He was always a good grandfather to me, but there was always something extra that he gave the first born's and not us. My dad and I both know it, and we have disscussed it on a few occasions solo. I remember your funeral, I stood up there and made my speech in my air force uniform. Turning to look at your coffin, tears began to come out of my eyes, controlling my emotions just became impossible... I beared all, and in front of many people, I soldiered on through my speech about you and your life and the effect that you had on me, and to this day I don't know how I did it, my mouth felt like it had been disabled and I was just saying words that had been pre-programmed. My father told me after that it was the most emotional and powerful speech I had ever given, even though it was slightly embarrassing at the time, it felt so good to do what I had done. I did not wimp out on you, although many times I thought about stepping down and letting you on your way to heaven. I hope you are proud of me for that. I respect you for what you did for our country, you fought for our freedom; and because of that we live in this wonderful and beautiful country today. Your spirit must have been so low while you were in the prisoner of war camps for those many years of driving around wheelbarrows and fetching the dead bodies of those that had perished, all while only being given a piece of bread and a can of water a day. I truly respect you for that, and sometimes I don't think I could ever stand a test like that, but you soldiered on through it. We had a lot of good memories together. Faintly I remember catching the old steam train up to Newcastle for the day. When the two of us were in England for that rainy weekend and we caught the train down to Portsmouth to do the inside tour of the submarine, that was a great day and I will never forget it. Although I didn't think you would ever let me lived down what happened that day. It sure as hell was funny though. There is so many things I remember about you, and some that I don't. I remember the day when I was walking home with mum and dad in the rain to return the video on Sunday afternoon and we had just found out that they had turned off grandma's life support machine. You died inside because you know how badly you treated her, and I believe that since that day and to the day you died... you didn't want to live anymore, you knew what you did was wrong and there was no way you could take it back this time. As dad always says "You never really miss something until it's gone" and he is so right. Somehow I am really confused to why I have tears rolling down my eyes right now as I am writing this. The emotional connection has gone, it will never be replaced. You left us six years ago... six years ago and it only feels like three. I know you wanted the best for me, and I don't know what you let the first born thing get in the way, maybe it was just your mental psyche or maybe it was just you... but I definitely got my stubborness from you and nobody else... remember the arguments that went on for weeks? I remember one particular instance when our family didn't talk to you for six weeks because you were so stubborn and in your whole life you only ever apologised for your wrongdoings once. Dad told me about the blood money. Mother spent all your money that you were given for the war before you had a chance to get to it, I understand that must have been painful. It was a few thousand dollars and I know now you hated her, and Alfred... with good reason, but not for that only. Too bad I never got to meet him. Maybe it happened for a reason. The sardine pin from the can that you brought back home from the war... you gave it to dad as a legacy on his 21st birthday and for something to be passed on down on our sons 21st birthday for future generations, he has fullfilled that role... and if I have a son... I will pass it give it to him in memory of you on his twenty first birthday. It may only be the ring of a can to some, but to me that is a symbol of what you went through for us Australians to have our freedom. You know what I am doing with my life, I know you are watching me from above... I am fullfilling a role and dream that you never got to. I am taking the legacy because dad never could. Why do I respect you? and I love you... and as much as you were a pig to us, as much as you treated my mum badly for being english, I still wish you were here with us today.
  20. Hello everybody, Me and my GF have been together for 25 months and tomorrow is our our 26th month's anniversary. I want to make it as special as I can afford for her so I went to this outlet mall that she likes and we go together usually that is about 60 miles away from her house tonight (of course without her knowing) and picked up a gift for her. We celeberate our anniversaries monthly and I know this is not like the 24th month or something very different but I just want to make it different out of the blue and tell her what she means to me so her it goes, Here is my idea that I need your help on to make it better: I will be calling her work tomorrow and talk to her friend, I arrange with her friend to take the gift from me and take it to her desk as she goes out for lunch. When she comes back, I want her to see the gift. What do you guys think? ALso, about the gift, I wanted to wrapp her gift into a complete simple white paper and with 26 roses write "4 U". I thought about "LOVE YOU" with the heart sign but that was kinda girly so I thought 4U would be good. Thank you everybody.
  21. This is basically just a vent. I need to get this out of me and move on with my day. Well, my ex and I began our relationship three years ago today. I woke up this morning, got ready for work as usual and everything was fine. On my way to work it hit me that today was February 8th. We have been sticking to NC (except for 2 non-avoidable instances) for the past week. I want to call her and tell her that I am still in love with her, but I am trying to stay strong. 2007 has not been very exciting so far, and the next couple of months will not be any better as we have a lot of "anniversaries" of different sorts and her birthday coming up. ANYWAYS, just needed a bit of a vent this morning so that I can get some work done without having this bother me all day.
  22. in the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me but we reconsiled and i attemted to get over it. i felt we loved eachother so much it was worth the fight. he attemped so much to show me how much he loved me. i just have had alot of trust issues i look at his emails and phone stuff alot. i know that its wrong but i just want to protect myself from another broken heart. well about half an hour ago i looked at his phone and found a picture of some girl in his car showing him cleavage. what do i do. i called him and asked him to come home so i could talk to him. he doesnt know. he is on his way home. oh yeah it will be our 2 year anniversary in 2 weeks. or would have been. im not really sure what im asking for but im glad i could vent this out somwhere. thanks. ill try to update you all...
  23. next week is mine and my bf's 6 month anniversary. things were great at the beginning. i care for him deeply, but we've been drifiting apart. Yes, i'm getting help and have been working through this, being patient, trying all i can to be positive (seeing counselor and naturopath), spirituality, trying to get my act together. he talked about marraige. he told me at the beginning, he's ready, he already owns a home, an apartment (where i'm living-he's never there) career on the way (prosperous) and now he's looking to settle down and wanted to find the one. all he talks about is how he's broke and stressed and too busy all the time b/c of the business that he's building and his other creative pursuits- i'm aptient and understanding. we don't have to have $ to have fun. we can do many free things, rent a movie, ice skating, etc... but he makes a very high salary and is in debt that much. he broke plans again this past sunday to work. we've only gotten together maybe twice in the past month (and for an evening) b/c of work. we haven't even had a weekend together since new years. this weekend, we're supposed to spend friday, saturday together (but at my request). we're supposed to go out tomorrow, but he basically hasn't planned anything-he hinted not to expect much as he's broke. it's not the $ i care about, but him being a creative person, i suggested we cook dinner together or go ice skating, something romantic that doesn't cost much. he told me to think about what i want to do... he was always coming up with ideas at the beginning. his actions are speaking louder than words. I am not a priority and don't feel like i'll ever be one. we argued again this morning. the relationship is making me ill. i really don't even want to see him tomorrow. i feel hurt and i think i'll just ruin the night anyhow. i'm still angry and resentful that he broke plans yet again on sunday. any thoughts?
  24. I'm giving my boyfriend a gift for our one month anniversary I've bought sex dice, lube, massage lotion What else would be good?
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