Max1

Thank you so much for your support. I'm sorry it's taken so long to write back, but I've been swamped at work and with my dogs lately. I do think that there is a reason as to why I am going through so much, and that things have to getter better. Scout, your posts are so helpful. Just knowing that someone, who I don't even know, is concerned and understands where I am coming from makes a huge difference. I even had to laugh when I read that you are an advocate for animals. You seem to be a very compassionate person. I am most happy making animals lives better so I know that that is what I am to do in life. Ever since I finally figured out what direction I want to head in things feel a little smoother. I plan on taking a course this spring and hope to be around some interesting people. Oh, and my holiday was okay. I got a chance to sleep in and do absolutly nothing. I'm always on the go so sitting around and watching the old christmas movies was nice. I think my dogs knew that mom needed a break so no one bothered to wake me up at 5 am. I didn't see any family because things are not great between us but just being home with my "kids" and relaxing was great! I hope that your holiday was just as nice for you. And as for you, Puff..., I would gladly be your friend. Just because we don't live in the same state doesn't mean we can't still write and talk. Your comments have been helpful also, it's nice to know that someone is thinking about you and how your doing. So I hope everyone had a good Christmas or what ever it is you may celebrate! And if I don't talk to ya or hear from you I hope you have a great New Year also!

First of all, thank you all so much for reading what I had to say. I think it is amazing that so many strangers are so interested and care so much as to how I feel and what I have to say. I am slowly starting to feel better about myself and life, at least better than I did a year ago, but I still have a difficult time. A year ago, I had moved in with the first guy I ever loved, had my heart broaken and no where to go. I was homeless with my dog and had a very hard time. When I went to my family they told me (and I'm not kidding) to get over it and move on. It hurt so much to not even have my families support. I have since stopped speaking to them. I got sick of chasing after people who clearly didn't want anything to do with me. I can't remember the last time my mom or dad called me. I would only ever find out about family event or anything family related by stopping by and over hearing. I am very lucky to have my dog though. Some people have absolutly nothing, but I just so desperately want the company of a person. It's difficult for me and I'm just taking it a step at a time. I am jelous of the people that seem to have an easy time making friends and having people in thier lives such as their family. I don't know life seems so unfair at times yet I know that I have it much better than many. I have to say that I would trade anything for one good and true friend.

So Christmas is just a couple of days away and so is the new year and I have found myself falling back towards where I was a year ago. A year ago I found myself broken hearted and completely alone. I've been thinking about the past year and how I wish I could forget it all. Everything outside reminds me of my loneliness. I don't have any friends, and I'm not just saying that either, I haven't hung out with anyone in more than a year. I haven't gotten any phone calls and stopped trying to call people. My few family members have left on vacation for the holidays and left me with their responsibilities such as their pets to care for while they are celebrating christmas and the new year with each other. I hate this time of the year. Everything is grey, everything reminds me of hard times, and there is no one to talk to or at least share space with. I'm young and I wish I had friends yet i don't feel as if I belong where I live. I feel uncomfortable being surrounded by the sites, sounds and smells of good times gone bad. I feel as if people that I have met find me to be uninteresting. I feel as if I have found out who I really am. I have given up trying to be like others or the girl others expected me to be in order to be accepted. I'm happier with myself now yet I can't find anyone who I share many interests with. When I do they are always the same people, in the same group, and I can't escape this scene. I feel as if I am stuck while everything around me is going on merrily almost like the penguin in the snow globe that I'm looking at right now. I feel so alone. While I am out walking my dogs it's hard to not notice the families together, the couples holding hands and the groups of friends laughing their way down the street. I don't feel as if I truly exist. I feel like the homeless guy that I see every now and then who people walk right by with out even seeing. I feel like that is how people react to me. I find myself talking to my dog as if he is a person. actually having a conversation. I also find myself having conversations with myself, outloud, as if speaking to a friend. And I am, I'm speaking to myself, my only friend. I feel out of place and lonely. I just wish I had a friend or two to go out with, to talk to and just be around. I wish I had a family also, I do but they don't care. I wish I had someone to say "happy new year" to, and I wish I could hear my phone ring from someone other than a miss dialed caller. I don't really have any questions for anyone, nor do I expect a response from anyone, I just needed to vent. So thanks for reading and listening to anyone who did.

I want to make it clear that I am not judging you. All I can tell you is that I have been the "new girlfriend". My ex lied to me about his ex girlfriend and his feelings for her. He took me away for my birthday and broke the news that he had been speaking to her agian during dinner on my birthday. Yes I was hurt and upset. Later I found out he was making plans to see her and he started distancing himself from me. I wish he would have broken up with me. Even though we ended up breaking up before he left town to visit her it still hurt that he wasn't honest and "snuck around" to speak to her. I loved him and still do. If she has such strong feelings, yet you still care for your ex, you should end things with her. You don't neccessarily have to tell her that its because of your ex but tell her that things are not working out and leave it at that somehow. I wouldn't lie but I would be careful. She will hurt but she may feel as if you are throwing it in her face if you tell her it's because you want your ex back. Just be thoughtful of her feelings. You don't have to love her but you should treat her with kindness and respect. She has feelings just like you, imagine being in her shoes. Hope all works out.

I am sorry that things are so difficult for you right now. I can completely understand. I have had a very rough year, or life for that matter, myself. For a period of time I was extremely depressed. I still am but I feel it's getting better. I can sleep, eat and actually function. Slowly things are falling into place. They will for you too. I know that things are hard. I too work and go to school. I don't have any family or friends to help me out or to just be there for me. I work full time and make $8.75 an hour. It's hard to pay bills and my car needs some work. I also have a cat and dog to care for and it's difficult. I'm young and would love to go out but I have no money or friends for that matter. I just walked my dog and it hurt to notice that it's Friday night and i was just walking my dog. No plans except to watch a show and go to bed. I saw tons of people going out and it hurt. A, because they are going out and B, because they have friends to go out with. I know that life hurts right now but slowly things are getting better. I don't mean to tell you my little story to try to out do yours. I just wanted to let you know that someone out there understands completely how you feel. And a walk in a park isn't a bad idea. I take my dog on my day off to a park a little ways away from home and we get lost on trails for a couple hours. It makes me feel good and happy, I forget my sorrows for a short period of time. Not to mention it's good me and the pup time seeing that I'm not home as much as I should be for him. But in a couple of years I will have my degree, make more money and atleast be a little more comfortable with life and so will you. Good luck to you and if you ever need to vent just remember that I am here and I completely understand. Max1

Thank you for all of your replies. My ex was my first love. I've cared about guys before but not like the way I felt for him. The break-up was a complete surprise. One minute I was happy and getting ready for my birthday dinner the next I was being told that he wasn't happy and that he was talking to his ex and that we needed to "take a break" so that he could "think about things". What a jerk! I miss the guy that I got to know. Not the guy he turned out to be. He was my family. I've never really had a family so I was happy as can be. The two of us, the cat and dog. A great little family. I've always wanted to be part of a true family. I had it and then it was taken from me. But I guess I have learned a lesson. I moved too fast, I listened only to my heart and disregarded my logical thoughts. I know that over time I will make friends, I will be happy and then I will be loved by someone. No matter how lonely I am for companionship that a boyfriend may give I have to work on myself and my happiness. I do miss the nights were you order in, get a movie, and hang out alone together on the couch. I miss being able to talk to someone and getting the loving comfort from your best friend. I've been going through a fase since this break-up occurred. I haven't been able to look in the mirror and feel beautiful. I used to even before him. I used to have good self esteem. I'ts gone now. I'm trying to work on myself so that I can have good self esteem. The only way I will be worth while to people, not just with physical beauty, but as a person, is if I am truly happy with myself. Not to say I am not allowed bad days but for the most part be happy with myself. It helps so much to hear what all of you have to say. I have hope that things will be okay someday. Right now I'm just in a rut. School, work, guys, friends, family, it's all driving me nuts. I just keep hanging on to the thought that someday something will work out for me. Thanks again

I do not think you are selfish at all for wanting a pet. Cats and dogs are some of our best companions. They offer us unconditional love. They are always there for you and never judge you. As long as you are good to them they will be good to you. I don't know what I would do with out my cat and dog. The only time I could think that it would be wrong for someone to get a pet is if: a- they can't afford it (emergencies ect.), b- they are in school, or c- the person is the type to "just get over something" rather quickly. A pet is part of the family and as long as you know that you can be responsible for a life and commit to them for as long as they are around (alive) then I don't see the problem. And if you want a pet I would suggest adopting one from a shelter. There are many great animals wanting homes. I always feel for the guys penned up in shelters. They need to be loved just as much as the rest of us, sometimes more. I think that adoping an animal is one of the least selfish things one could do. You are saving an animal and giving it a loving home and a life outside of a cage. As long as you know what you are doing having an animal is great.

It's been a while since I've posted on here, but I've been needing to vent and honestly I have no one else to let it out to. Today I've been wanting to go out to the middle of no where and just let out a gut wrenching emptying scream. I have been so frustrated with the way my life is going for me. Last year around this time I was moving in with my ex. Needless to say I've been lost in memories that havent been making me cry just making me angry and bitter. My birthday will be here in 3 short months and that is the anniversary of him breaking up with me for his ex. Not looking forward to it. And ofcourse the lovely lonely holidays. I've been angry well, because I'm lonely. I only have 1 friend, who is the best, and well I have my dog and cat but thats it. I don't want to overwhelm her with everything. I know I can count on her but I wish I had a couple more friends to lean on. To hang out with, go out with and have some fun. I wish I knew how to meet people but I dont. And my dog and cat. Well ofcourse they are my loves but I can't exactly communicate with them like I can a person. I don't want my ex back but I want some company. I would like my phone to ring or to hear a knock on the door. I want to be included. I feel like my world has shattered since our break-up. I lost all of my friends for many reasons. But mostly because they were his first. I moved to town, befriended him and his friends, then we got together. He told them his nasty side of things before I could say anything. In a way I am glad I distanced myself from that crowd. It wasn't were I belonged to begin with. I'm not sure where I belong, just around decent people I guess. I think things have been harder because I've decided to go back to school to further my education and Im nervous. I atleast hope I do well in school and make some friends. But I've also been dealing with my family problems that are just getting worse. My family story is one of a soap opera fairy tale. I hadn't spoken to my mother in years and when the ex and I started dating we actually were hanging out alot. Things were good. But I think she liked the person who seemed to have no problems (when with the ex), now that I have been depressed and battling it for almost a year over him she has been treating me as if I am a child. She tells me that I am a failure and yells at me constantley. I don't appreciate it what so ever. I am an adult who has done it all on her own with some setbacks but I've done pretty well. I feel as if she was living through me and now I'm worthless and have let her down. She is always telling me that I do nothing but screw up. It makes everything so much harder. I want to let the ex go, I want to make new friends, a new life, and I want to have my mother. She is my only family. But I can't be treated so cold heartedly. I feel like I'm stuck. I know this has been a long venting post and kudos to those who made it to the end! I just needed to let that out and trust me it feels like a 5lb weight was lifted. But I wonder what you all think about this one, what you would do or if anything similar has ever happened or is happening to you? Thanks

I am mostly posting here to vent. I have been having an extremely difficult time with my brakeup. It happened almost 3 months ago. I am just so angry over it. i'm partially angry with myself for getting back together with him and believing that he loved me at all. I had to move my big furniture out of his place and he had put up pictures of his ex who he left me for everywhere that there was once a picture of the two of us. He left out her v-day card to him on the counter. And I got an e-mail from him with a link to his myspace account where there are now pictures of her everywhere and and he talked about how in love he is with her. I hate him but I am upset and hurt. How can someone do this if they "love" someone? How could he do this to me? I know it wasn't the smartest move going to his myspace account. But honestly how many of you wouln't be curious when someone, especially the person you love, writes to you and says that there is something he wants you to see? Part of me knew very well what I most likely would see. the other part of me was hoping that I would see something nice. I don't get how he could do this to me. I've never been so hurt and furious. I feel very much alone. And how is it that I can't let go. Why do i have feelings for him still? Why can't I just hate him completely and move on? I want to forget him so badly. He was the worst waste of time. I feel like he has taken my life away. For now he has deffinitly taken my heart and happiness. I just want this to stop.

I hope I am posting under the right topic. I have been going through a lot in the past 3 months. My ex ended everything on my birthday by admitting that he was talking to his ex again. I've posted many times on it but I feel to tired and drained to talk about it right now. I just moved yesterday. I don't make a lot of money and can't afford to go to school so it has been hard trying to find a place to afford. My family has not been supportive at all. For one, I know it was a while ago, but I never received a phone call for my birthday or the holidays. I live in the same city but was never invited to spend time with them. They never call me or answer my calls. My brother helped me but I feel as if he does these things to make himself look better. He in my opinion is very arrogant. My family has done everything for him. He is 26 and my parents still pay for everything. I am on public assistance because I don't get any help from them. He yells at me all the time and really makes me feel quite bad. He tells me that I need to get over everything and grow up. I know that it has been almost 3 months since everything has happened to me but I feel as if I am trying my hardest. I don't understand why my family won't help me and why they act as if everything I do is wrong. I try so hard but lately I feel completely overwhelmed. I can't move, I feel so alone, and I feel as if every move I make is wrong. I couldn't get out of bed today. I have a lot I have to do, I have to finish moving but I have so many thoughts in my head and I feel weak. I don't know where to start. I wish I wasn't completely alone through all of this. The reality is, is that I am and i have to deal with it but I don't know how. I feel like a horrible person and just wish I knew what it was that I did wrong. Sorry for the ranting, I just needed to vent and didn't know where else to go.

I have posted many times on my breakup. It has ben and is very difficult to deal with. I feel very much alone. I have been seeing a therapist for 2 months. I started the week we broke up. I have finally found an apartment but I just feel horrible. I don't have any friends. And quite honestly I don't know why. I'm trying to figure everything out one step at a time and now I'm trying to figure this one out. I don't have a family who is helpful at all. They haven't been their for me through out this. I have been very depressed and today I am as angry as I can get. He went and visited the ex girlfriend before me for a week. I found out by, not being smart, and looking at his myspace page. I know I shouldn't have but Its something I can't help but do. My gut tells me and has been trying to make me listen for a year that he never loved me. He may have cared about me but he still loved her. He has just forgotten completely about me. And it hurts so badly. I wish I could figure out why this happens. I want friends and I want to love someone so badly but it never works out. this has been so painful for me and i'm so angry that he seems to be okay. Why can't he be the one suffering? Do you think he hurts at all? I don't. I know it's not nice for me to wish that on someone but with him, at this current moment, I don't care. He has his love, his home didn't change, he has his family and many friends. I have an apartment I can't afford, my dog, my cat and somehow I have to get all of my furniture out of his place and into mine. I just don't know how to start over again. I want new friends, I want to move away and I adventually would like to find someone to love and who actually loves me. I feel absolutely pathetic, and no offense to anyone, that i'm always on this site everyday, that I look at his myspace account like I will find something that will make me happy even though I know chances are I will be hurt. I'm 22 and can't afford to go to school. I'm looking for a second job and I don't have any friends to begin with. I want a life. I want people to call me, I want to go out and i want someone to talk to. I feel like a failure and wish that i could be happy like he is. He knows what is going on too and doesn't care which makes me that more imbarrassed and upset. The one person I had destroyed me. The part that makes me really mad is that I knew this would happen somewhere deep down. I just refused to listen. (sorry for the long rant)

I do work at an animal hospital and have looked at the idea of putting up flyers there. I've also talked to co-workers and clients. I don't want to let go of my dog. I took him for a reason and I love him more than anything. I hope I don't sound like I have just skipped to this option. But I had to consider it with how he is. He is very aggressive in a lot of situations. I favor pitt bulls and similar breeds over anything else, so I'm not blaming it on what breed he is, but most people think of his breed or a mix and automatically see a horrible animal. In fact they are very sweet and loyal pets who are more apt to be aggressive due to breeding but can be controled and the dogs are taken advantage of by horribly cruel people. I hope I don't sound as if I am complaining about anyone's posts to me. I'm glad that people are so open to share their opinions. It's just very hard to place a breed that is so missunderstood. He, his name is Fox, is a one person dog. I have no idea of what his life was like before I took him. Something horrible must have happened to him because of his reactions to certain situations he faces. He also has many health problems that are expensive to deal with but are able to be dealt with. If I didn't work at an animal hospital then I would not be able to afford it. so that too is a factor. I am still trying my hardest and won't give up until there is nothing left but that. Sometimes letting them go can be the most humane. But I will try my hardest as I have been. Thank you all so much for your input in my situation.

I am so upset right now. I just need to vent so this isn't exactly asking a question or anything. My boyfriend and I split 2 months ago, not even, and he is already going to see the girl who he ruined it over. He used me to get over his ex but it didn't work. I don't know why I ever thought he cared about me. Now he is going to spend 5 days with her on the other side of the country. I love him and I miss him but at the sametime I absolutely hate him. I hate that my life has been ruined and his life is fine. I hate how they are back together and I wasted my life. I have a month to get all of my stuff out of his place but I am currently homeless and I don't make enough money to pay for a place to live and all of the bills that come along with it. I had to put my dog down and get rid of my cat too. I hate everything that is going on and when I had people in my life they told me everything would get better. Things are getting worse. I had to drop out of school too. I'm just so depressed and nothing is going right. I can't sleep very well because I sleep in my car and I spend my free time at the library online looking for jobs or just out looking. I have a full time job but I get paid the worst amount. I only get $6 an hour. Its' not much. I've tried to go home but my family doesn't want me there and I have no friends. I'm sorry to sound so pathetic I just need to vent once in a while. I hate my life completely and i just want to buy a plane ticket and fly off somewhere far from here.

I'm sorry I didn't leave much info as to why the split occurred. On my birthday I he told me that he had been speaking to his ex again. I wasn't happen with that at all. I would have been somewhat okay with it if I hadn't had reasons to doubt this "friendship" of theirs. I found pictures of her that I found to be unnecessary of him to have. They had been apart for a while but they were not of the two of them or her in the best "situations". I never minded pictures to keep the memories but I thought it was rude for him to have these still. I asked him to get rid of the ones I found insulting atleast and he put up a huge fuss over it. Adventually he supposedly did, but things had gotten somewhat tense between us since he started talking to her. Even before he told me I knew something was off but he always said it was okay. But he didn't show the same affection for me as he used to. He became very distant. I had a horrible day on the day of our breakup and he was upset with me for my attitude. I admit I wasn't the greatest person to be around that day but he had to keep making little comments. He said I was misserable being there, living with him, and something was wrong with me. He wanted to take a break and thought I should get my own place. I felt that I was taken completely off guard and like my world was spinning out of control infront of me. Adventually anger took over and I yelled at him and told him of how horrible he was to me and how he used me to unsuccessfuly get over his ex. I truly felt and still feel that way. He would bring her up so often and compare us, and the way he acted with not wanting to get rid of certain pictures and how he snuch around verified that all for me. It hurt so badly and still does. So that is it in a nut shell. I hate thinking about it more than anything. If I could erase my memories of him and that night I would. I feel in love with him and miss him than very suddenly to completely bitter towards him. I feel alone, hopeless, desperate and altogther awful. I'm sorry I am rambling, I just don't know how to easily explain things and get everything out.

I've never really had any friends. I don't really understand why either. That's something I'm working on trying to figure out. Instead of another guy in my life I would rather work on the friends issue, thats one thing I know for sure. But my friends were his friends. All mutual. Mostly of course, met through him during the past 3 years. But they were still counted as friends. They all just, I guess you could say, took his side. I don't like putting it that way, but once the break-up occurred no one called and no one has answered phone calls from me. I moved around a lot during school and never had any friends for more than a few months growing up. I never really got any after high school either. I've tried but I've gotten tired. I feel as if I've always been the one making the phone call and never recieving any. I'm sure I did but there was always a reason to never talk to the particular person. I guess now I'm paying for being so rude to people in the past. Now that I truly need someone I have no one.