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About Me

  1. Oct 23 /2019 I was diagnosed with diabetes. And before that with hypertension. I still have time to turn this around. Right now my A1C is 6.9. And on meds my blood pressure is 105/75. Monday night I am joining a diet support group. I want to lose 50 pounds by next Christmas.
  2. This is a follow up to an earlier post, end of last year. I've been with someone for three years+, we were very close , went on holidays, looked at moving in together. It seemed to be cooling a bit because we both had new jobs, then at Christmas it ended - not finally and obviously, she just said she didn't know what she wanted any more and broke contact except for a few texts. It hurt me really badly. We talked a little after Christmas because of practical things (I still have a lot to of stuff round at her house.) the long and the short of it is that she says she's dealing with changes at work, and with the fact that her youngest daughter has moved out to go to university. So it's not that she doesn't want to be with me, just that she wants to be on her own for a while. Part of me is thinking 'OK, I get that.' But another part of me is saying 'so the what? Being alone is one thing - it's understandable and I would have been supportive. But just ghosting someone after three years is really selfish and callous.' Obviously, I've not moved on, and I'm still trying to get my head around what's happened. But - do people here think that her way and of dealing with the changes in her situation are - well - odd? I get a bit quiet when I'm going through a bad time but I'd never say 'let's just be friends until I figure this out' to a truly significant other. For the record- I've sort of given up on the relationship anyway and started looking to date other women. It wasn't what I wanted but I think at least talking to other ladies might make me feel a bit more human again. Just trying to get some perspective here.
  3. Me and my boyfriend have been going out since we were 14 and we are now 21 so 7 years. He is in his 3rd year of uni and studies french and Spanish however for his 3 rd he had to live abroad for a year. I thought this would end up being fine, yeah I would miss him but I never expected anything to happen to the relationship. Before he went in September everything was perfect and I’ve even asked him this and he thought the same. We went on a 3 week family holiday together, everything was how it normally is. But before he came home for Christmas I had only seen him once when he came home for my birthday in November. I wanted to go out and see him but I could never get the timing right before my uni course is so full on. Things were fine before and while he was home for my birthday, yeah we found it difficult only talking on the phone but we didn’t argue that much, I just got annoyed at him because I felt he spoke about himself a lot and I felt he almost forgot I had a life aswell. When he came home for my birthday I could tell he was happy to see me, when I picked him up from the airport he couldn’t stop staring at me because this was the longest we’d gone without seeing each other. When he was home (he was only home the weekend) it was planned out because I had my party on the Saturday and then on the Friday we had my birthday dinner and he was trying to see his friends in that time aswell so we barely had any time together. Anyway, after he went back things began to change, he wasn’t putting that much effort in in terms of making me feel better (I lost my gran last November, and my uni work was seriously getting me stressed, and I had also moved closer to uni for 3rd year so felt quite depressed aswell). And in turn I would then moan at him for this, we would argue quite a lot, he would say I’m being quite negative. The conversations weren’t great because it would always be the same thing like what you doing then I’d say uni work like it would always be the same. Whenever I would say I feel his response would always be however many days it would be till I see him that’s it, that’s all he would say in trying to make me feel better. Anyway that was what got me through, the thought of seeing him so a lot of excitement built up. We had discussed that we needed to see how things went when he was home because we both couldn’t stand the arguing anymore, but although I was like yeah don’t want to loose you I wasn’t extremely worried. So he was due home the 20th December and the plan was that he would fly to where I stay for uni we would have a day/night there and then I’d drive us home. When I first seen him I knew there was a bit of tension there but he did hug me and stuff so it’s not like he was completely off. When we got back to the flat it didn’t take long for us to have sex and I felt things were fine like they weren’t going to be perfect it was the first time seeing him in over a month. After that he was hugging and kissing me on the sofa like things felt normal. We had planned to go out for dinner but when we were walking there he said something like I can see myself moving around a lot, and I said something like with me? Or something I can’t remember just to see what he would say and to stuff like that he always kinda says well we’re 21 so who knows what will happen like that kind of attitude and obviously that’s fine but there it least has to be a want there, like a want to have a future with me cause in the past we’ve talked about our future, like we’ve been together 7 years like of course you’re going to think well what can break us now ? So anyway while out for dinner i think the conversation got brought up about how we’ve been feeling the last couple weeks and how we feel about it and he just had this attitude like if who knows what will happen if things aren’t the same while he’s back and I think things just escalated because he started saying some worrying stuff that didn’t sound hopeful for us so I just had this horrible feeling, I kept asking him did something happen and eventually he said yes so I wanted to leave the restaurant cause I felt sick. Eventually got back to the flat and he tells me that it’s a Spanish girl (he told me about her before but he just said there was a group of them that were all friends so I didn’t even know I had to worry) that his flatmate was friends with because they met each other through his job in spain (his flat mate is gay and is from near us) so he tells me he’s kissed her a few times and that they both like each other. Not even a random girl, it doesn’t mean anything, no like full on said we both like each other. So from that point on he says stuff that I wouldn’t of even dreamt he would ever say to me, like I didn’t miss you as much as I thought I would, when I think of you with another guy it doesn’t effect me that much like so much stuff. He’s sitting crying telling me this saying how sorry he is etc and I’m just shocked, like I kept saying to him I honestly don’t know who you are, never once has he ever even kissed anyone like we’re both each other firsts. I think I should probably also say that when I was 16 on a girls holiday I kissed someone and that completely devastated him like last new year he cried to me on the phone saying he tried to kill himself because I made him feel so low about it. So anyway I let him stay, because the hard part is he’s my best friend and I had missed him so much and also I didn’t want to be alone even if it was him. Before we went to sleep he said I do want to try with you and I do think it’s a mistake but when we woke up it was still ‘I don’t know I don’t know how I feel, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and even being here with you I still don’t have an answer’ but after an hour he comes to the conclusion again that he does want to make things work. So I say to try and enjoy the day and show him that we can still have a good time together (because in my head I was giving him an excuse saying it’s just because we’ve not had proper time together in months) so we went to the Christmas markets and I did feel on edge which is normal surely but I did still feel hopeful. So before I dropped him home he did say ‘I’ll phone the girl and tell her it’s over and that we can’t continue’ so I said fine and that’s how we left it. That night I was supposed to be going out for my friends 21st so I did think that would take my mind off it but from speaking to my friends (one of them is very tough and takes no ) I felt I was worried more because I was still shocked by the full thing and they seen it for what it was. So getting ready I was just constantly thinking about it, he eventually tells me he calls her and explains everything so although I felt better about that I was still thinking so it was obviously serious if he had to call her ? Anyway I decided i wouldn’t go out I felt horrible but I honestly felt I wasn’t in the right head space and I would just ruin it for everyone. So he was at the pub while this was happening and I was texting him saying I don’t think I’m going to go out and if I could see him after he’s finished at the pub. Sounds stupid but I had missed him so much and he’s literally always the one to comfort me whatever I go through so I was just trying to get that normality back while trying to figure out what was going on. I picked him up and he was drunk so his words weren’t the best but he was saying stuff like he’s messed up so bad and has ruined our relationship and was willing to make it up to me. He also said he felt a weight had been lifted off his shoulders after he told that other girl it was over. So that night I stayed because again I felt hopeful and I just wanted to because I really wanted a goodnight sleep (previous night I didn’t have any sleep and I’m bad thinking about stuff when I’m on my own). That morning which was the Sunday he said he’d take me out mini golfing and that we’d have a really nice day so again although I was shocked at the situation because I couldn’t get over all the stuff he had said to me I still felt hopeful. The day was weird although I was happy I was with him he was being off, he said he didn’t feel well so I was kinda annoyed like if he felt sick then fine but he was the one that should be being nice to me not the other way around. So anyway after that went back to his and things were normal. Next day he came over and he felt off like he was hugging me and stuff but I thought he was just like that before he felt weird being around my family so just felt on edge. That night while texting him the topic of the holiday we had been planning to go on came up, and I asked him do you still want to go on it and his reply was obvs and I got annoyed at that because well obviously it’s not obvious? Anyway I phoned him and he basically was saying stuff like well if we’re still together then obviously I want to go and just stuff in general about giving the relationship a try while he’s home but not promising anything because he might feel different at the end of it. Next day he was in town buying my Christmas presents so i thought well it is a good sign he’s still buying my presents you know. Texted for a bit during the day and then I had asked to come over and see him before we go to the pub for Christmas Eve. Things were fine but we had sex and it felt awful he was so rough like it really felt he was trying too hard. That night at the pub was awful too when I arrived he was drunk, he told me I looked nice and was being touchy feely but way too much like kissing me every 2 mins which isn’t normal for us at all we usually don’t kiss each in public. And whenever I’d say right calm down he’d get so annoyed at me. When it got past 12 his friends had gone home so wanted to go home (the plan was that he would stay at mine have Christmas morning with us and then go see his family) but my friends were still there so I didn’t want to leave yet, so he sat there sulking but he is an annoying drunk anyway. Eventually I said right let’s go home cause he was annoying me. When we were walking home he was being very short, he would tell a story and in the middle of it I’d say oh yeah did blabla not happen like trying to be engaging but he kept on saying stop interrupting me and just being horrible. Then when we got home we were in the kitchen and he was on his phone and I could just see that he had sent 3 love hearts to someone but he quickly put it away cause he could see I was looking so I freaked out and asked to see his phone (pretended I wanted to see pics or something) and I went onto his messages and the message was to that girl, I couldn’t see what it said cause it was in Spanish but he wiped the phone off me and I screamed at him and asked what it said but he just stared at me and said I’m not telling you so I was just shocked like he is not the type of person to be horrible like that. So eventually he burst out crying and said that he can’t do this anymore he’d been trying so hard but every time he kisses me has sex or whatever it feels like he’s doing it with his best friend and it doesn’t feel right. He then eventually told me that he had sex with this girl and the message said merry Christmas Thankyou for being part of my life im sorry things didn’t work out, which is really weird like why wouldn’t he of just said that at the time? Anyway I’m sitting shaking ing raging like how could he of done this to me knowing fine well he’s been through it himself and how it’s made him feel, and even when he knows how I’ve been feeling he still went and done it. So we spoke and felt the best thing would be to go on a break, but while he’s home we still see each other because i do think if I don’t see him it’s going to be so easy for him to go back to Spain and think there’s nothing I want from that relationship so I wanted to show him that we can still have a good time. Anyway I let him stay because I knew if we had left it on a bad note I wouldn’t of gotten any sleep and it was Christmas the next day. Next day I cried multiple times, he left early afternoon and I had such a day because where he was spending Christmas there wasn’t good reception so I couldn’t even speak to him or ask him anything because we didn’t talk about how this break was going play out so I had so many questions. Anyway on Thursday night I went to go see my friend to tell her what’s been happening etc and she really put things into perspective for me so I left feeling a bit better but mostly angry. I phoned him that night asking him different things and I said that when he goes back to Spain I don’t want to speak to him so that’s it’s a proper break, and he agreed but I also said I don’t think it would be a good idea to go back to this girl because there’s feelings involved I said if he honestly does see a future with me but not right now he would know not to go near her. I said this and he was so hesitant saying that he can’t promise that nothing will happen ? So I just left it. He also said that he messaged her updating her on us and I was so annoyed at the because it has nothing to do with her but he said she messaged him asking how he is. I then said we’ll I think it’s more than fair that you dont text her when you’re home, he said he doesn’t message her really anyway but yes that’s fine. I then went to see him last night and it was weird like he kept laughing and I said yeah I know it’s awkward then we started talking about stuff again, we went to go lay down in his room and we were getting on well like it finally felt like it should. Then his pals came round and we all had a drink and things we just like we were all pals. I stayed so I didn’t have to get a lift home, at first he was like is that not a bit far and I said well I’m going to stay with you when we go see your family for newyear (I’ve decided to still go cause I’m really close with his family and love his little brother, his friend is coming too so it’s not just us) and he’s staying at my flat the night before he goes, and also we’re fine hugging and stuff so I said well why not ? So we hugged a bit (was mostly me asking because I was cold) but apart from that nothing happened. This morning I phoned me friend again to update her, and she said she just thinks he’s wanting to do the break rather than filling saying he wants to end it with me, that really he knows what he’s doing. I also have thought that I’m not going to tell him to not see that girl or stop him from doing anything Because he should be doing what he thinks is right, like I really have this fear that if I don’t let him just do want he wants he’ll always have the idea of what if in his head. A part of me things that yeah when he goes back and we don’t talk for ages surely it will give him a fright because I won’t be there anymore like we haven’t gone a day without speaking for the full 7 years we’ve been together. But then another part of me is thinking that when he does go back he’ll think it’s a free pass to get on with whatever he felt bad about doing before. And that after 2/3 weeks I’ll get a message saying he doesn’t think it’ll work out and it’s not worth and the feelings he has for this girl are stronger than the ones he has for me. So now I’m thinking is it right to carry on seeing him because it will let him realise what we could have and he’ll have more of a chance of missing me when he goes or am I just letting him have his cake and eat it ? He’s got her over there and me over here ? He’s still getting to spend time with me, he’s getting everything he wants ? Hard thing about this is we’ve grown up together it’s more than just a relationship. So I need help on what to do I have never been in this situation before. Thankyou for reading I know it’s a lot
  4. Some examples, and no they weren't all said in 1 day Jokingly saying he put money aside for wedding [don't really think he did?] Oh we should get married and come back and tell everyone! Talking about what the wedding would be like. Jokingly saying "we should just get married" Drove past a ring place and he was like "oh I need to go there to get your ring!" Joked saying I don't know what hes getting me for Christmas and it'll be a real knee jerker, and joked about getting down on his knee. Brought up noticing a wedding dress place. Joked about proposing for Christmas and that's what I get for Christmas. ….THEN TWO DAYS before Christmas made a joke about this place that says plaques and said Oh you get best girlfriend, best fiancé award. A WEEK before Christmas he asked my ring size. Why wouldn't I think he was going to do it?? Soo of course I expected a proposal today and nope. that's my own fault, but is it? He keeps hinting all this and making comments and I cant lie but feel disappointed. Yes, I know talking about it on the internet isn't the way to go but right now im not ready to talk to him about it. So am I overreacting? How to handle this? Yes we've been together 2 years, have a kid together, and yes we've discussed marriage before. I feel like he built me up...and then nothing.I'm not the one who continually joked about it. Judge if you must, but i'm slightly upset..
  5. So, what time does everyone go to bed Christmas Eve, and what time do you get up to open presents? My Son still likes to stay at his Mom's because the get up at 5:00 AM! He's 16! LoL - I'm happy sleeping in!
  6. I have never liked the fall/winter season, I miss the long sunny days and warm weather. Any tips on how to enjoy winter? I'm looking forward to my birthday and Christmas, but I feel like all my friends stay at home and watch Netflix. I do have a busy routine but the short rainy days are not fun.
  7. First a bit of back story. Got married at 18 in 1999 to my high school sweetheart( so I thought). He was controlling in school but once we got married it stopped, for a year anyway. Then got worse. I was isolated from my family, had to get his permission to spend over $100 of my money from my job ( we had separate bank accounts) I was only allowed to have friends that he was friends with first. It was never physical just emotional and mental abuse. I kept thinking it would get better. Fast forward to 2009 and I got pregnant. Thinking things would change I was happy. Mental abuse continued. Fast forward to 2012 I finally get the nerve to leave but what to do about my daughter? I didnt have a guarantee I would have a roof over my head since I had been isolated from my family so I chose to leave my daughter with my husband. I wanted her to have a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food in her belly. Many people have told me I was wrong in that decision but I felt it was the best for her. Especially when I became homeless just a few months later. Fast forward to 2014 and I was living with my grandmother and according to divorce court I was getting my daughter 2 over night visits every week. About a month before she started school she starts telling me she doesn't want to stay the night anymore because "daddy and grandma cry when I'm not home" so I gave in when she started crying and stopped having her over night. Then the ex starts only allowing me to have her every other Sat. I can't afford a lawyer at this time so I argue with him, without her present, and fight trying to get her more often. She comes to me crying telling me she doesn't want to come with me more often. Again I give in to make her happy even though its killing me inside. Then the ex husband starts dating his now current wife. My daughter loves her. I notice my daughter pulling away from me more. I'm no longer being told of school plays and events. I keep asking and am told my daughter doesn't want me there. This past year I got my daughter on mother's day and Christmas Eve. I went to every lacrosse game I could which wasnt every single one being that I worked every other weekend. When she started hockey I was told an hour prior to the game that she was having a game that was at least a 2 hour drive from me. When I couldn't make those my daughter started saying guess something else was more important then me. Instead of them telling her the truth that they didnt inform me till it was to late for me to make the game they just shrug it off. My daughter started asking me to give up my rights to her so her new step mom can adopt her. It breaks my heart every time she asks and I tell her no its never going to happen. She gets mad at me and doesn't want to spend time with me now because she thinks everything else is more important then her. Every time I'm around her I tell her how much I love her and how it breaks my heart to see her upset with me so now she just refuses to see me. This year she asked me not to get her anything for Christmas or her birthday which is the week before Christmas. All she wants is for me to give up my rights so her step mom can adopt her. I refuse to force her to spend time with me. I know it will make her hate me more since she literally is a mini me. All this on my mind is hurting me and my new marriage as well as her. So my question is this... Do I keep hurting her and myself by not giving in or do I give in and let her step mom adopt her but destroy myself in the end? I can't see any healthy way out of this.
  8. I have a small problem. I really like this new girl thats a great friend and I know we would be together for a long time, but then theres the girl I had recently "broken up" with. After we "broke up" (ill explain the quotes later) she told me she she felt empty inside after I left her house that night, but she also told me that we should still talk and hang out more, even though things had just "ended". Ok so with the quote thingys, the girl and I were never officially going out, due to schedule problems, and co-corricular activites, and other things, such as the holidays. I was hanukkah, she was christmas, and I didnt want to mess with her family on Christmas. But at her new years eve party, we just wanted to end it, seeing how it was unfair to both of us. I felt it was fine, cuz we only kissed like twice, more like once, cuz her brother broke us apart. But she is gorgeous, and smart, and everything I could have asked for, but she is just out of my reach. We both felt that we acted like just friends, even when we were together. We had both come out of fast relationships, and wanted to go slow. I never really got "over" her. I can still listen to songs and just start thinking about her. Heck, one time I just started going on and on about her to one of her friends. But the girl I can promise things with, shes just amazing. But IF I have a chance with the ex again (Grace), I would take it over anything. I am perfectly fine right now being friends with the other girl(Megan). But I can tell she likes me a lot. And if I dont act fast, I may lose both Help!!! S'il vous plaît Zaids
  9. I am new to posting here though I did register a few days ago and have been an active lurker for quite awhile. I really need some advice/help and honest opinions please! I have been extremely attracted to a guy for over 2 yrs now. I wanted to be with him/get to know him better 2 yrs ago but when I found out he was involved with someone else I backed off. We still flirted whenever we saw each other which left me frustrated but again I just didnt want to be the third party. Over Christmas I saw him at our gym and we were talking/flirting around and he told me he wasnt seeing the girl he had been for a few months...that they had broken up. I had heard this but hadnt seen him until the holidays for this to be "confirmed". Well I decided to just go for it and told him I was really interested in hanging out with him. And he said likewise. Since Christmas we have only still been flirting and talking about making plans..that was up until 2 weekends ago. We made plans to meet somewhere and confirmed the "date" twice by phone and twice more at the gym. On the night I was to meet him I went at the time he said and stupidly sat in my car and waited for him to show up for almost 30 minutes and gave up and left. He didnt call me on sunday to say anything. When I saw him on Monday he was pissed because he thought I stood him up.....turns out there was a miscommunication as to the time. I had the right time and he didnt. So we agreed to set up for this past saturday. Made the meeting place and the time and this time we confirmed it FOUR times through the week and on friday he saw me and once again said "See ya tomorrow night at 630" Now we were due for some snow and he also said that if the storm came that we didnt need to be out in it and that would be the only way or reason we wouldnt hook up. It didnt snow or storm. In fact it was a beautiful night. He also told me that whoever got there first had to wait at least 15 mintues before leaving to give the other a chance due to traffic or whatnot. Well I left to go meet him at the confirmed time and once again sat and waited for him for 30 minutes. My cell is totally dead so there wasnt a way for me to call him or vice versa. He never showed up. And he hasnt called me today either and I refuse to call him. I just cant believe this and am still hurt and shocked that this has happened AGAIN in two weekends. I would think that if someone is interested as much as he seems to be and says he is that he would have at least shown up or had the decency to call me before I had left my house. I really thought he liked me and wanted to hang out with me. He has always told me how pretty and attractive I am and our flirting led me to believe we could have had a pretty good thang goin on........I just dont get this at all. I dont know what I am to say to him or if I should be a fool again with him......I really am so incredibly attracted to him, not just physically either but I cant be a fool either. Have I been played?
  10. Ok here's my situation: My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago after 8 months of being together. He's in another province right now working, while I'm at school. We were planning on going these couple months long distance (cuz we did it at the start of our relationship) but now we're broken up. We've stayed good friends, and today he told me that his work offered him to stay there for 12 months instead of just these 4 months til Christmas. I'm a little upset about it, even though he hasn't decided what he's going to do yet. I know I shouldn't be upset because we are broken up, but he said that he wanted to see how this time apart went and he wasn't shutting the door on us, and how our "status" is kinda up in the air right now. I guess we're both kinda hoping he'll work out his life and we'll get another chance, but I got upset at the thought of him not coming back at Christmas. I know it's not good to have hope of getting back together with him cuz it makes things that much harder in terms of moving on... but I can't help it right now. And I have the hope that this time apart will be good for us (we'll both learn, and just take some time to think, and be happy with our individual lives) and then when we see each other in person, we'll want to get back together. Is it wrong for me to be thinking about this, and being upset at the thought of him not coming back? I just feel like we're meant to be and he'll realize that when we see each other again and spend time together... and now there's this possibility of him not coming back, so we won't even be able to sit down together and talk about getting back together. What should I do??? Other than this, I have been really good at not talking to him all the time. I wait for him to contact me, and I'm moving on... I'm more happy with my life now. I just still have that little hope in the back of my mind - and now I'm thinking, if he doesn't come back at Christmas, what will happen??? Any advice PLEASE!! I just don't know what to do... thanks guys
  11. I see so many people asking about it.. I see people who have accomplished it.. but the ex has to want to come back.. my ex left me this past Christmas day after 12 years together.. said he met someone at work, wasn't in love with me anymore and wanted a fresh start.. 85 days later, I haven't heard from him.. I haven't contacted him either.. there's no plan that's gonna work for someone in my shoes.. he's gone and that's that.. am I right? I think so, and yet I still see these posts about how it CAN be done.. any advice for me?
  12. Since I began my college course in September 2004, I have been befriended by a delightfully-pretty divorcee named Vanessa. She is 10 years younger than me. Our acquaintance become friendship in three months. She first sat behind me in class, and sat next to me in time. She even asked me for my phone number - something of a rareity for me. She said that I give her motivation, something which I never thought was possible - so I am flattered on that count. She even phoned me about approximately 20 minutes on the phone on two occasions before/around Christmas. We even went out on Christmas Eve, with three of her friends, which was a good night all round. After the arrival of this year, she invited me over to study and socialize with her. I enjoy(ed) and value(ed) the time and company I have/had with her. During that time, she was having problems with a man, who she was introduced to, before Christmas, and in time was emotionally blackmailing her - i.e. waiting at the bus station for her, writing love letters. Any time she dumped him, he'd pretend to say, he was in hospital, i.e. had an accident, fell down the stairs etc. What she told me of him, I began to show that I do care about her, and think about her constantly. I began to have feelings for her, but kept them in secret. I let my cards out on the table a few days ago and let her know how I feel about her. I told her, I want to progress our friendship further without a timescale and didn't expect a decision until the end of this decade and know to well things could change somewhere along that period of time. I felt that in past relationships, she hasn't been given a good length of time to be with a man. I also stated I didn't want to loose out on her too and also demonstrated my patience, tollerance, kindness, understanding, humour and sympathy to her. I told her I offer myself to HER. But I think I have shot myself in the foot. I should not have kissed her when we met for a coffee and chat yesterday. She did say she likes me as a friend, but I don't want to make things worse because I may loose a friend, let alone any chance of a first proper girlfriend too. If Vanessa suggests something - meet up for a coffee/study at her home, I am expected to attend. But if I arrange something - pizza/day out somewhere, she won't. I can't get her out of my head and want to keep a lid on my feelings for her. I may never meet another woman if she and I are history. Any helpful advice will be very greatfully appreciated with thanks.
  13. Just my luck to meet a great guy when he's leaving for iraq in 2 weeks! And he'll be gone at least 14 months. Anyway.... I met this guy at a Christmas party Saturday night & we totally hit it off. Today we met up for lunch & again had a great time. He even called me 5 minutes later after our date was done to tell me what a great time he had! It just sucks that I always seem to have really bad luck when it comes to dating..... Ok, sorry, but I guess I just need to vent a bit here....
  14. I haven't visited the forum in a while, but I figured I'd check back in. It's great having this forum-I've described it before as one big group-therapy room so to speak. I won't rewrite my story-I've written it before. Basically, I was with my last gf from November-February last year-so "only" 3 months-but long enough for the breakup to be painful and still painful now. I think it's the intensity of feelings for someone that determines how hard a breakup is, not really the length of time together in the relationship, and I loved my ex-it was amazing how much we had in common and I thought she was the one I was waiting my entire life to meet. I've thought about her more recently as it's now the one year anniversary of everything that happened-I cried a bit on Nov 21 since that would have been an entire year together, and it's a little hard going through Christmas now seeing my family and knowing how much I wanted to bring her home-I remember last year at Christmas seeing my family I was so excited about the prospects of eventually bringing her home. I had hoped she would meet me for coffee sometime to make peace, but it won't happen. I recently e-mailed her and sent her a Christmas card-maybe I shouldn't have. The whole one-year anniversary thing is hard. I'm hoping that next Christmas I'll be better as I'll be in another state. I know I'll never be able to completely forget her though-there's no way to wipe your memory like Eternal Sunshine-that's been the subject of many other threads here. That leads to my current situation. I've had a new gf for the past 3 months-same length as I was with my last ex-and things are pretty intense now-we have a very intense sex life and we're talking for hours and spending each weekend together. Even now though, I know I don't love her the same as I loved my ex-I just don't have as much in common with her. I almost feel like I'm settling-but I can't expect to find someone else who has all the same things in common with me my ex did-nobody else can possibly exists who is Catholic, a Yankees fan, a classical musician, a video game player, Transformers fan, fantasy novel reader, etc. After the breakup, I went 7 months without a relationship and it was difficult being alone and lonely-I went on tons of dates before finally finding my current gf. Now, at least I have someone, but I wonder if I'm in a relationship because it's a rebound, or something to fill my need for companionship. My current gf has said that I have this emotional wall around me and that I'm not opening up to her and she wants me to. I'm just unable to open up still-since I never made peace with my ex and most likely never will since my ex won't talk to me. I'm also not sure if it's right for me to be in a relationship now, as I'm finishing up dental school in 6 months and I will be moving back to my home state-my current gf does know that I'm leaving town in 6 months, but we're not really discussing that too much yet. I've told my current gf very little about my last ex-it's just not something I want to share with her too much-I don't want it thrown back in my face and used as ammunition in an argument or something and it's just something very painful that I don't want her to know about. I guess I'm not sure what to do. I'm not angry with my ex anymore, I'm not bitter-I've forgiven her, but she and I never talked and made peace, and I don't expect that to happen since she won't talk to me. It only takes 1 person to forgive-and I forgave her, but it takes 2 to make peace. I wonder if I should stay with my current gf-I don't know if it'll work after I leave town and go back to my home state, but I guess I'm too scared to break up as well, since I know how hard it is to find a gf-it took me 7 long and difficult months to do that after my last breakup. I know everyone will just say I need to just forget my ex, accept that she won't talk to me, and move on without making peace with her, but that's much easier said than done, but I know I have to do it. I'm not too sure what to do about my current relationship.
  15. Hi guys, I desperately need advice on what to do about an ex. We were together for five years, and lived together for three. I broke up with him nine months ago, and he took it very hard. There has been little or not contact for seven months now, but I've heard through mutual friends that he is still in a depression over the breakup, he is not doing well in school, etc. I feel terrible and just want to see him happy again. The last few times we did talk, he was very sad and begged me to come visit him for Christmas (he is living in Europe right now with his family). I gently told him I didn't think it was a good idea, and that we both needed space to heal and to move on. Recently, he wrote me an e-mail saying he had sent me a small gift and letter for Christmas. I'm not sure how to respond to this. On one hand, I am deeply touched by the gesture, but on the other hand, I know how expensive it is to ship from Europe over into the States, and I know he still has hope of us getting back together someday. If anyone can offer any advice, I would deeply appreciate it. I am really torn on whether to maintain contact with him or not. I am very worried about his well-being right now, but I also don't think us staying in touch is helping him find acceptance. I do care about him very much as a friend, and want to take any steps I can take to help lift him out of the funk he's currently in.
  16. My former boyfriend and I broke up at the end of the summer. He goes to school in Massachusetts, I live a few hours away. He started dating another girl shortly after we broke up, a girl that he's been friends with for years. His reasons for the breakup were: I can't handle you - You're too good for me - I have to grow up. Very true reasons, in all honesty. We've been in contact these past few months. He never brings up the other girl, not even to his family. I'm not threatened by her in the least, but you know, it bugs me. He gave me his phone number, asked me to call. I told him to call me, and he did. We've spoken on the phone several times, we play a lot of phone tag, he texts me, and has expressed an interest in seeing me while he's home (for a mere week) on his Christmas break. He's also not bringing her down for Christmas. His sister is my friend and she told me that originally she (the girl) was going to pick him up from his house and drive him back up, but he asked her (his sister) if she would please drive him back up to school... I dunno, just a little thing to throw in there. He's been ridiculously weird lately. He's constantly on my website (he doesn't know I know that), looking at pictures, etc. Also, he contacted me on a screen name I had used a couple of years ago (before I met him) the other day, and it threw me for a loop. I'm looking forward to seeing him, but I'm nervous. I'm sure he's a bit nervous, too, but to what extent - I have no idea. While I don't have any crazy expectations, a huge part of me really wants something about "us" to come up when we see each other. I dunno if I should initiate any talk or what... I would assume not to, but I feel like I deserve a little more clarity on what happened, and some truth about how he feels about me and about how I feel about him. Any advice? I'm nervous!
  17. I received two christmas cards from my ex (together 1.5 years, split up 3 months ago). I sent her one, but didn't say "love" or whatever. She has said she would like us to be friends and we have met a couple of times socially but everything was light hearted and good humoured, no mention of "us". She was adamant that when we broke up, that was it. She signed her christmas card to me "Lots of love" x I feel pathetic for reading anything into this, but if I had a new gf, I would expect her to be upset at such a sentiment, would that be fair ? I know I would be well angry if my gf got a card from her ex boyfriend saying that. Is it just what girls put ?
  18. My ex and I had a rough breakup, but a great relationship. It ended without much notice, and a few mean words from him ( he fell out of love with me... my words) He is still in the possesion of my stuff too. It has been a month since I have tried to contact him.. his last response was impolitely " your stuff is in the mail". My problem is we have a mutual friend who has an Christmas eve party, and she doesn't want to count one of us out...but he doesnt want to have anything to do with me, an dI don't think I am ready to see him. If I don't go to this dinner, I will be left out.. and the night will suck... all because of my ex. But if I go and he shows too, things will definitely be uncomfortable. He may even go as far as treating me disrespectfully. I can handle being nice to him.. seeing that I was the dumpee, and I am a bit older too. I will say merry christmas and smile, then move to someone else.. hopefully. But since the breakup.. he is nothing but disappointing surprises. What should I do? Should I just bail on the dinner? How can I talk to my friend and make her feel better about being in the middle? I mean there is no real way... to feel good about it. But what can I do so she isn't in the middle anymore? What do you guys think the right thing to do is?
  19. Hey guys. Basically my ex-gf broke up with me and wanted to remain friends. I tried for a month but she kept playing headgames telling me in chronological order: week 1. that she wanted to get back with me but needed more time week 2. she wasn't sure cuz things could happen in the future or new people might come in our lives. week 3. that she maybe wanted to get back but after she finishs nursing school(in April long time away). week 4. that she was talking to someone now(her best friends brother). She's known him for 8 years and never been interested in him in that way PLUS just by looking at them no one would even think they're compatible whatsoever. I think it's more of a comfort thing. But I really don't know if she's even being serious. Anyways I was getting hurt by all her mixed signals and so one night I finally told her that if she was interested in working things out(which she said she eventually is willing to do just not yet) to call me. But if she wasn't then not to call me. AND I told her that in the meantime not to call me for Christmas or New Years and that I wouldn't call her for her birthday(Jan 19). She said it'd be hard not to call for Christmas but I told her to not do anyways and she said fine. THE REASON I told her these things is cuz I had tried to initiate NC once already a week earlier but she broke it the next day by calling me to ask a stupid question. And then she came up to my work with her friend to eat and to see me just 2 days later. Basically she didn't respect my decision the first time that's why I took that attitude the 2nd time around eventhough I still love her and would like to go out with her again. I know I've done everything in my power to show her that i'd be a different person a second time around in our relationship but she keeps saying not yet cuz she needs to work out her personal problems. BOTTOM LINE: I left things in her hands, whether to call or not. And I WILL NOT call her. So there won't be any slipping up on my part like some other people that give up after a month or so. Question is did I initiate NC in an alright manner or did I make it seem too much like an ultimatum by what I told her. The one thing I may do is send her a b-day card on Jan 19, but I assure you guys that it's not to make contact with her. It's just out of generosity. And if she calls to thank me, I may or may not answer. But this is really looking too far into the future cuz I don't know if she'll give in and call before then.
  20. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years: all these three years we have been at university, which means that every Christmas, Easter and Summer we go our separate ways and see each other once a week or so. I'm getting sick of this though: I can't wait for him to finish university (I already have), so that we can finally be a normal couple - is this mean? I moved to the city he studies in just to be closer to him. He knows I don't get along with my family, so it's very likely that I will be spending Christmas alone in my house. He gets along with his family brilliantly, and loves spending time with them. There's no point in suggesting that I spend Christmas with his family: seeing as we're not living together or engaged, he doesn't think it would be appropriate. Am I completely out of order for wanting him to be with me all the time? He wants that too, he says so, but I just want him here. I sacrificed a lot to be here, I could have lived with my parents (grudgingly, yes) rent-free, but now I'm stuck in this cold lonely city alone, whilst he's five hours away with his family. I'm scared that this will always be the case: that whenever it's a vacation he'll go running. Does anyone have any answers? Thanks so much for reading, I really appreciate this.
  21. I'm so happy, I just have to tell someone!! Ok, before school started earlier this august my best friend decided that she wanted to go to a different school than the one I'm at. Well, she just recently learned that she has the opportunity to transfer back to the school that I'm at!! So next semester, she's going to be at my school!! After an entire semester apart, we're going to be able to be with each other again everyday!!! I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy!! This is the best christmas present I've ever gotten!! Of course, now the entire Winter Break I'm going to be dying for school to start again...
  22. Hi, Well I asked out the girl I like tonight. The way it went down was we were out for lunch sitting and talking. I started a conversation about christmas lights and she was like yeah I havnt gone to see any in a while. I said well I would be happy to take you sometime this week if you want to go. So later that night we were talking about movies and she was like we should go see one on Wednsday after we look at lights. Now that all sounds good an everything. But...when we were on break before I asked her out we were talking about another guy that she liked. I didnt let this effect me asking her out I'm just worried of what to make of it. What should I do on this date to let her know I'm really interested or is there a good chance that she already knows?
  23. Hi everybody, I guess u all must have notice a newbie like me in here, offering my little elf helping hand this coming xmas. I guess i have miss some people posts in here, as the forum refreshes. Let us say u are looking for me for a reply and i am not there. Would u send me a thread, let us say i miss ur post, and u wan me to post? Or pm me, if u wan to keep things secretive. I have been trying my best to be creative in providing solutions to u, so as my motive IS to make u FEEL BETTER, LOOK BETTER, THINK BETTER, AND BE BETTER! If there is any current offence i had made this christmas, my apologies to everybody. And yupz! I hope i have given u the BEST service i can offer. Haha! best of lucks.. Hmmz Advanced merry christmas then. Be naughty and yet nice, santa sends a double gifts for us treating the nasty kinds...
  24. Hey All, In case you arent familiar with my situation, my gf since high school (5 years) and I broke up a couple of weeks back. This is the second time we broke up (pretty much teh same reasons). She said that she wanted space to experience things by herself and with other people, because we are young (21) and our relationship is pretty serious. We both knew that there was no chance of marriage until i graduate med school, which is still about five years away. She is still open to getting back together in the future, and I can tell in her eyes how much she loves me. She is seeing another guy right now (about a week after we broke up, pretty much the same thing that happened last time), and she really likes him. At any rate, this guy is graduating soon. We have been doing the no contact thing for the last four or five days because I could tell it hurt her and made her anxious when we talked. I stopped talking to her because I felt it was what would make her happy. I think the break up was a good because it showed me how much she meant to me, and also realigned a lot of my priorities. However, now I really want things to resume. Today she text messaged me and broke the silence saying "I am watching fantasy fb." (We had a fantasy football team together.) After much thought and discussion with one of my friends, I messaged back saying that I was studying for orgo. Later on I found out that she went out to a nice dinner downtown with this guy. I am really confused at why she broke the silence. She is the one that wanted the space, and she broke it with some little thing about fantasy football (whihc i thought was really random.) THe message really surprised me and confused me. I am not reading anything into it because I don't think her decision could have changed so quickly. I am not sure what I am supposed to do about this, she knows how I feel, and so its pointless to talk to her about it. I am fairly confident we will get back together, and I think I am showing that by not talking to her right now. She is a very independent girl, and part of the break up is she just wants to refind herself outside of a serious relationship. She is going to Cali next quarter for an internship, and so I will pretty much be forced not to see her. I was thinkin about visiting her while she was over there. One other thing, I was thinking about still getting her Christmas presents and going to give them to her on christmas day (something we have actually never done before, because I always viewed the major holidays as nuclear family time). I was thinking about writing her a note explaining some of the things I have been thinking about and some of the changes i have undergone. DO you think that is a bad idea? I know I am supposed to wait until she contacts me, but isnt that a bit childish? Is it really taht important?
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