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About Me

  1. Oct 23 /2019 I was diagnosed with diabetes. And before that with hypertension. I still have time to turn this around. Right now my A1C is 6.9. And on meds my blood pressure is 105/75. Monday night I am joining a diet support group. I want to lose 50 pounds by next Christmas.
  2. Greetings! I have read several articles and seen YouTube videos advising to NOT reach out to an ex on Christmas or the Holiday Season. However, my goal is not to get my ex-wife back, but simply to re-establish a bridge of communication for a potential friendship in the long-term. I absolutely have no intentions in a long-term reconciliation. A bit of history: my ex-wife left me 5.5 years ago to ''find herself'' after a 6-year marriage (she has been single since then). We have been divorced now for 3.5 years and have been in No Contact for nearly 2 years. She is still single, bitter, and her heart is full of anger towards me and life in general. Our mutual friends and myself, including therapists I spoke with in the past, suspect either bipolar disorder or narcissist (cops showing up in restaurants asking her to leave because she is yelling and lashing out at the server or a waitress, etc.). Our last conversation, nearly two years ago, was not a very pleasant one. I simply called her to tell her the good news that I finished university, and instead of congratulating me, she was raging, rehashing the past, and slammed the phone on me. She checks out my Instagram from time to time but never writes, which is odd. I have never seen this level of anger or animosity before. I sometimes reflect and look back with some level of sadness and nostalgia, and I sometimes ask myself, ''how did we get to this point?'' Sine I have decided to write her on December 25, I would like to have advice from female dumpers: if you ex was to reach out to you on Christmas Day, after a long period of no contact and years after an ugly divorce, how would you feel? Happy? Upset? Sad? What kind of e-mail would make you smile and prompt you to respond? A short note? A longer e-mail to update her on my life and the highlights of the year? Asking her about her goals for the next year? All I'm asking is for a positive and healthy, respectful interaction or communication. Thank you in advance for the advice and kind regards!
  3. So I (35M) met a very nice girl on Tinder 1,5 months ago. We already knew each other from over 10 years ago but have not talked since we were younger. Our conversation was awesome from the very beginning, she initiated conversations, shared pictures of her daily life etc. After the first date she said she definately wanted to meet again and so we did. I spent a evening and night with her (no sex) and it was wonderful, I actually think I let myself fall in love with her at that point. I thought we were moving in a good direction but I started to get other thoughts very soon. After I spent night at her house, I noticed she did not initiate any conversation anymore on WA but she replied to me anyway. I asked her out to a restaurant and we agreed to meet in a few weeks time (before christmas). Because I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, I also asked how she felt about us right now. She said she has had very nice time with me but it is too soon to say where we are heading as couple and wants to take things slow. I was somehow devasted because I had misread the situation so badly and let my guards down too soon and my heart was again taking a hit. I never knew it was possible to get hurt after such a extremely short period of time but here we are. What is interesting that we have not even separeted our ways (officially) but I still kinda FEEL she ended things there. My head is a complete mess now. We have not talked for a couple days (never went this many days without contact before) and we still have booked a date in a few weeks time. What should I do? Should I totally forget about her or maybe be there for her and text her every now and then? I also fear that I will grow resentment and that would destroy everything.
  4. This is a follow up to an earlier post, end of last year. I've been with someone for three years+, we were very close , went on holidays, looked at moving in together. It seemed to be cooling a bit because we both had new jobs, then at Christmas it ended - not finally and obviously, she just said she didn't know what she wanted any more and broke contact except for a few texts. It hurt me really badly. We talked a little after Christmas because of practical things (I still have a lot to of stuff round at her house.) the long and the short of it is that she says she's dealing with changes at work, and with the fact that her youngest daughter has moved out to go to university. So it's not that she doesn't want to be with me, just that she wants to be on her own for a while. Part of me is thinking 'OK, I get that.' But another part of me is saying 'so the what? Being alone is one thing - it's understandable and I would have been supportive. But just ghosting someone after three years is really selfish and callous.' Obviously, I've not moved on, and I'm still trying to get my head around what's happened. But - do people here think that her way and of dealing with the changes in her situation are - well - odd? I get a bit quiet when I'm going through a bad time but I'd never say 'let's just be friends until I figure this out' to a truly significant other. For the record- I've sort of given up on the relationship anyway and started looking to date other women. It wasn't what I wanted but I think at least talking to other ladies might make me feel a bit more human again. Just trying to get some perspective here.
  5. Me and my boyfriend have been going out since we were 14 and we are now 21 so 7 years. He is in his 3rd year of uni and studies french and Spanish however for his 3 rd he had to live abroad for a year. I thought this would end up being fine, yeah I would miss him but I never expected anything to happen to the relationship. Before he went in September everything was perfect and I’ve even asked him this and he thought the same. We went on a 3 week family holiday together, everything was how it normally is. But before he came home for Christmas I had only seen him once when he came home for my birthday in November. I wanted to go out and see him but I could never get the timing right before my uni course is so full on. Things were fine before and while he was home for my birthday, yeah we found it difficult only talking on the phone but we didn’t argue that much, I just got annoyed at him because I felt he spoke about himself a lot and I felt he almost forgot I had a life aswell. When he came home for my birthday I could tell he was happy to see me, when I picked him up from the airport he couldn’t stop staring at me because this was the longest we’d gone without seeing each other. When he was home (he was only home the weekend) it was planned out because I had my party on the Saturday and then on the Friday we had my birthday dinner and he was trying to see his friends in that time aswell so we barely had any time together. Anyway, after he went back things began to change, he wasn’t putting that much effort in in terms of making me feel better (I lost my gran last November, and my uni work was seriously getting me stressed, and I had also moved closer to uni for 3rd year so felt quite depressed aswell). And in turn I would then moan at him for this, we would argue quite a lot, he would say I’m being quite negative. The conversations weren’t great because it would always be the same thing like what you doing then I’d say uni work like it would always be the same. Whenever I would say I feel his response would always be however many days it would be till I see him that’s it, that’s all he would say in trying to make me feel better. Anyway that was what got me through, the thought of seeing him so a lot of excitement built up. We had discussed that we needed to see how things went when he was home because we both couldn’t stand the arguing anymore, but although I was like yeah don’t want to loose you I wasn’t extremely worried. So he was due home the 20th December and the plan was that he would fly to where I stay for uni we would have a day/night there and then I’d drive us home. When I first seen him I knew there was a bit of tension there but he did hug me and stuff so it’s not like he was completely off. When we got back to the flat it didn’t take long for us to have sex and I felt things were fine like they weren’t going to be perfect it was the first time seeing him in over a month. After that he was hugging and kissing me on the sofa like things felt normal. We had planned to go out for dinner but when we were walking there he said something like I can see myself moving around a lot, and I said something like with me? Or something I can’t remember just to see what he would say and to stuff like that he always kinda says well we’re 21 so who knows what will happen like that kind of attitude and obviously that’s fine but there it least has to be a want there, like a want to have a future with me cause in the past we’ve talked about our future, like we’ve been together 7 years like of course you’re going to think well what can break us now ? So anyway while out for dinner i think the conversation got brought up about how we’ve been feeling the last couple weeks and how we feel about it and he just had this attitude like if who knows what will happen if things aren’t the same while he’s back and I think things just escalated because he started saying some worrying stuff that didn’t sound hopeful for us so I just had this horrible feeling, I kept asking him did something happen and eventually he said yes so I wanted to leave the restaurant cause I felt sick. Eventually got back to the flat and he tells me that it’s a Spanish girl (he told me about her before but he just said there was a group of them that were all friends so I didn’t even know I had to worry) that his flatmate was friends with because they met each other through his job in spain (his flat mate is gay and is from near us) so he tells me he’s kissed her a few times and that they both like each other. Not even a random girl, it doesn’t mean anything, no like full on said we both like each other. So from that point on he says stuff that I wouldn’t of even dreamt he would ever say to me, like I didn’t miss you as much as I thought I would, when I think of you with another guy it doesn’t effect me that much like so much stuff. He’s sitting crying telling me this saying how sorry he is etc and I’m just shocked, like I kept saying to him I honestly don’t know who you are, never once has he ever even kissed anyone like we’re both each other firsts. I think I should probably also say that when I was 16 on a girls holiday I kissed someone and that completely devastated him like last new year he cried to me on the phone saying he tried to kill himself because I made him feel so low about it. So anyway I let him stay, because the hard part is he’s my best friend and I had missed him so much and also I didn’t want to be alone even if it was him. Before we went to sleep he said I do want to try with you and I do think it’s a mistake but when we woke up it was still ‘I don’t know I don’t know how I feel, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and even being here with you I still don’t have an answer’ but after an hour he comes to the conclusion again that he does want to make things work. So I say to try and enjoy the day and show him that we can still have a good time together (because in my head I was giving him an excuse saying it’s just because we’ve not had proper time together in months) so we went to the Christmas markets and I did feel on edge which is normal surely but I did still feel hopeful. So before I dropped him home he did say ‘I’ll phone the girl and tell her it’s over and that we can’t continue’ so I said fine and that’s how we left it. That night I was supposed to be going out for my friends 21st so I did think that would take my mind off it but from speaking to my friends (one of them is very tough and takes no ) I felt I was worried more because I was still shocked by the full thing and they seen it for what it was. So getting ready I was just constantly thinking about it, he eventually tells me he calls her and explains everything so although I felt better about that I was still thinking so it was obviously serious if he had to call her ? Anyway I decided i wouldn’t go out I felt horrible but I honestly felt I wasn’t in the right head space and I would just ruin it for everyone. So he was at the pub while this was happening and I was texting him saying I don’t think I’m going to go out and if I could see him after he’s finished at the pub. Sounds stupid but I had missed him so much and he’s literally always the one to comfort me whatever I go through so I was just trying to get that normality back while trying to figure out what was going on. I picked him up and he was drunk so his words weren’t the best but he was saying stuff like he’s messed up so bad and has ruined our relationship and was willing to make it up to me. He also said he felt a weight had been lifted off his shoulders after he told that other girl it was over. So that night I stayed because again I felt hopeful and I just wanted to because I really wanted a goodnight sleep (previous night I didn’t have any sleep and I’m bad thinking about stuff when I’m on my own). That morning which was the Sunday he said he’d take me out mini golfing and that we’d have a really nice day so again although I was shocked at the situation because I couldn’t get over all the stuff he had said to me I still felt hopeful. The day was weird although I was happy I was with him he was being off, he said he didn’t feel well so I was kinda annoyed like if he felt sick then fine but he was the one that should be being nice to me not the other way around. So anyway after that went back to his and things were normal. Next day he came over and he felt off like he was hugging me and stuff but I thought he was just like that before he felt weird being around my family so just felt on edge. That night while texting him the topic of the holiday we had been planning to go on came up, and I asked him do you still want to go on it and his reply was obvs and I got annoyed at that because well obviously it’s not obvious? Anyway I phoned him and he basically was saying stuff like well if we’re still together then obviously I want to go and just stuff in general about giving the relationship a try while he’s home but not promising anything because he might feel different at the end of it. Next day he was in town buying my Christmas presents so i thought well it is a good sign he’s still buying my presents you know. Texted for a bit during the day and then I had asked to come over and see him before we go to the pub for Christmas Eve. Things were fine but we had sex and it felt awful he was so rough like it really felt he was trying too hard. That night at the pub was awful too when I arrived he was drunk, he told me I looked nice and was being touchy feely but way too much like kissing me every 2 mins which isn’t normal for us at all we usually don’t kiss each in public. And whenever I’d say right calm down he’d get so annoyed at me. When it got past 12 his friends had gone home so wanted to go home (the plan was that he would stay at mine have Christmas morning with us and then go see his family) but my friends were still there so I didn’t want to leave yet, so he sat there sulking but he is an annoying drunk anyway. Eventually I said right let’s go home cause he was annoying me. When we were walking home he was being very short, he would tell a story and in the middle of it I’d say oh yeah did blabla not happen like trying to be engaging but he kept on saying stop interrupting me and just being horrible. Then when we got home we were in the kitchen and he was on his phone and I could just see that he had sent 3 love hearts to someone but he quickly put it away cause he could see I was looking so I freaked out and asked to see his phone (pretended I wanted to see pics or something) and I went onto his messages and the message was to that girl, I couldn’t see what it said cause it was in Spanish but he wiped the phone off me and I screamed at him and asked what it said but he just stared at me and said I’m not telling you so I was just shocked like he is not the type of person to be horrible like that. So eventually he burst out crying and said that he can’t do this anymore he’d been trying so hard but every time he kisses me has sex or whatever it feels like he’s doing it with his best friend and it doesn’t feel right. He then eventually told me that he had sex with this girl and the message said merry Christmas Thankyou for being part of my life im sorry things didn’t work out, which is really weird like why wouldn’t he of just said that at the time? Anyway I’m sitting shaking ing raging like how could he of done this to me knowing fine well he’s been through it himself and how it’s made him feel, and even when he knows how I’ve been feeling he still went and done it. So we spoke and felt the best thing would be to go on a break, but while he’s home we still see each other because i do think if I don’t see him it’s going to be so easy for him to go back to Spain and think there’s nothing I want from that relationship so I wanted to show him that we can still have a good time. Anyway I let him stay because I knew if we had left it on a bad note I wouldn’t of gotten any sleep and it was Christmas the next day. Next day I cried multiple times, he left early afternoon and I had such a day because where he was spending Christmas there wasn’t good reception so I couldn’t even speak to him or ask him anything because we didn’t talk about how this break was going play out so I had so many questions. Anyway on Thursday night I went to go see my friend to tell her what’s been happening etc and she really put things into perspective for me so I left feeling a bit better but mostly angry. I phoned him that night asking him different things and I said that when he goes back to Spain I don’t want to speak to him so that’s it’s a proper break, and he agreed but I also said I don’t think it would be a good idea to go back to this girl because there’s feelings involved I said if he honestly does see a future with me but not right now he would know not to go near her. I said this and he was so hesitant saying that he can’t promise that nothing will happen ? So I just left it. He also said that he messaged her updating her on us and I was so annoyed at the because it has nothing to do with her but he said she messaged him asking how he is. I then said we’ll I think it’s more than fair that you dont text her when you’re home, he said he doesn’t message her really anyway but yes that’s fine. I then went to see him last night and it was weird like he kept laughing and I said yeah I know it’s awkward then we started talking about stuff again, we went to go lay down in his room and we were getting on well like it finally felt like it should. Then his pals came round and we all had a drink and things we just like we were all pals. I stayed so I didn’t have to get a lift home, at first he was like is that not a bit far and I said well I’m going to stay with you when we go see your family for newyear (I’ve decided to still go cause I’m really close with his family and love his little brother, his friend is coming too so it’s not just us) and he’s staying at my flat the night before he goes, and also we’re fine hugging and stuff so I said well why not ? So we hugged a bit (was mostly me asking because I was cold) but apart from that nothing happened. This morning I phoned me friend again to update her, and she said she just thinks he’s wanting to do the break rather than filling saying he wants to end it with me, that really he knows what he’s doing. I also have thought that I’m not going to tell him to not see that girl or stop him from doing anything Because he should be doing what he thinks is right, like I really have this fear that if I don’t let him just do want he wants he’ll always have the idea of what if in his head. A part of me things that yeah when he goes back and we don’t talk for ages surely it will give him a fright because I won’t be there anymore like we haven’t gone a day without speaking for the full 7 years we’ve been together. But then another part of me is thinking that when he does go back he’ll think it’s a free pass to get on with whatever he felt bad about doing before. And that after 2/3 weeks I’ll get a message saying he doesn’t think it’ll work out and it’s not worth and the feelings he has for this girl are stronger than the ones he has for me. So now I’m thinking is it right to carry on seeing him because it will let him realise what we could have and he’ll have more of a chance of missing me when he goes or am I just letting him have his cake and eat it ? He’s got her over there and me over here ? He’s still getting to spend time with me, he’s getting everything he wants ? Hard thing about this is we’ve grown up together it’s more than just a relationship. So I need help on what to do I have never been in this situation before. Thankyou for reading I know it’s a lot
  6. Some examples, and no they weren't all said in 1 day Jokingly saying he put money aside for wedding [don't really think he did?] Oh we should get married and come back and tell everyone! Talking about what the wedding would be like. Jokingly saying "we should just get married" Drove past a ring place and he was like "oh I need to go there to get your ring!" Joked saying I don't know what hes getting me for Christmas and it'll be a real knee jerker, and joked about getting down on his knee. Brought up noticing a wedding dress place. Joked about proposing for Christmas and that's what I get for Christmas. ….THEN TWO DAYS before Christmas made a joke about this place that says plaques and said Oh you get best girlfriend, best fiancé award. A WEEK before Christmas he asked my ring size. Why wouldn't I think he was going to do it?? Soo of course I expected a proposal today and nope. that's my own fault, but is it? He keeps hinting all this and making comments and I cant lie but feel disappointed. Yes, I know talking about it on the internet isn't the way to go but right now im not ready to talk to him about it. So am I overreacting? How to handle this? Yes we've been together 2 years, have a kid together, and yes we've discussed marriage before. I feel like he built me up...and then nothing.I'm not the one who continually joked about it. Judge if you must, but i'm slightly upset..
  7. So, what time does everyone go to bed Christmas Eve, and what time do you get up to open presents? My Son still likes to stay at his Mom's because the get up at 5:00 AM! He's 16! LoL - I'm happy sleeping in!
  8. I have never liked the fall/winter season, I miss the long sunny days and warm weather. Any tips on how to enjoy winter? I'm looking forward to my birthday and Christmas, but I feel like all my friends stay at home and watch Netflix. I do have a busy routine but the short rainy days are not fun.
  9. First a bit of back story. Got married at 18 in 1999 to my high school sweetheart( so I thought). He was controlling in school but once we got married it stopped, for a year anyway. Then got worse. I was isolated from my family, had to get his permission to spend over $100 of my money from my job ( we had separate bank accounts) I was only allowed to have friends that he was friends with first. It was never physical just emotional and mental abuse. I kept thinking it would get better. Fast forward to 2009 and I got pregnant. Thinking things would change I was happy. Mental abuse continued. Fast forward to 2012 I finally get the nerve to leave but what to do about my daughter? I didnt have a guarantee I would have a roof over my head since I had been isolated from my family so I chose to leave my daughter with my husband. I wanted her to have a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food in her belly. Many people have told me I was wrong in that decision but I felt it was the best for her. Especially when I became homeless just a few months later. Fast forward to 2014 and I was living with my grandmother and according to divorce court I was getting my daughter 2 over night visits every week. About a month before she started school she starts telling me she doesn't want to stay the night anymore because "daddy and grandma cry when I'm not home" so I gave in when she started crying and stopped having her over night. Then the ex starts only allowing me to have her every other Sat. I can't afford a lawyer at this time so I argue with him, without her present, and fight trying to get her more often. She comes to me crying telling me she doesn't want to come with me more often. Again I give in to make her happy even though its killing me inside. Then the ex husband starts dating his now current wife. My daughter loves her. I notice my daughter pulling away from me more. I'm no longer being told of school plays and events. I keep asking and am told my daughter doesn't want me there. This past year I got my daughter on mother's day and Christmas Eve. I went to every lacrosse game I could which wasnt every single one being that I worked every other weekend. When she started hockey I was told an hour prior to the game that she was having a game that was at least a 2 hour drive from me. When I couldn't make those my daughter started saying guess something else was more important then me. Instead of them telling her the truth that they didnt inform me till it was to late for me to make the game they just shrug it off. My daughter started asking me to give up my rights to her so her new step mom can adopt her. It breaks my heart every time she asks and I tell her no its never going to happen. She gets mad at me and doesn't want to spend time with me now because she thinks everything else is more important then her. Every time I'm around her I tell her how much I love her and how it breaks my heart to see her upset with me so now she just refuses to see me. This year she asked me not to get her anything for Christmas or her birthday which is the week before Christmas. All she wants is for me to give up my rights so her step mom can adopt her. I refuse to force her to spend time with me. I know it will make her hate me more since she literally is a mini me. All this on my mind is hurting me and my new marriage as well as her. So my question is this... Do I keep hurting her and myself by not giving in or do I give in and let her step mom adopt her but destroy myself in the end? I can't see any healthy way out of this.
  10. when I found out that they are going home for Christmas to see their families together. He, again, kept it from me but I figured enough. I felt betrayed and lied to all over again. I was angry at him for not being able to tell me the truth about them. He would still insist that they are not getting back together. We did not speak for the 3 and a half weeks they were there and it was the lowest point of my life. That was when I felt the real feeling of loss as if he had died. I felt empty and cried almost every night. I tried so hard not to text him during that time but he did during Christmas. Leading up to his return, I was slowly feeling better and have accepted that I can never have the answers to the many questions in my head. I was determined not to speak with him ever again. Then the day he comes back, he almost begged for another chance to meet. He wanted to explain in person. I stupidly gave him another chance to. In fairness, he did explain but still did not admit anything about his and his wife's status. He said they flew there togethe but only spend Christmas together, the rest of the days they were in each others' families. He would still deny they were working things out and would only tell me that he owes it to their families (who were nothing but nice to him despite his mistakes) that he ensures a "smooth transition". I respected that and kept my distance. For another few months until recently, he would still send me sweet texts and when we would bump into each other at work, he would come to me acting cute and would hug / kiss / look at me with love. But we knew better to go back to the loop so it was clearer it was just that, a hug / kiss / look. So we spoke again last week to finally put serious boundaries in place because we need to stop this stupidity and completely let each other go. And we said our goodbyes. Few days later, I find out unintentionally that they are travelling together to a country we always wanted to see together. It broke my heart all over again more than angered me. How could he say they are not working things out but now spending 2 weeks in a romantic place (which was significant to the both of us) together? I confronted him once more. Initially he denied it but I told him I know for sure they are together until finally he admitted it. I asked him multiple times if they are getting back together, and if he could just tell me the truth so I can finally find peace and move forward. I told him that of course, deep inside I would be happy for them but asked him to at least do this for me, to tell me in my face and then resign once he is back from his trip (which he said he was going to do anyway since he has been unhappy at work). But until then, he told me they are going as friends and there is no romance there. I told him I was smarter than that and if he refuses to be honest then the least he can do is to respect my boundaries and just leave me alone, for good. I even gave him advice to stop being selfish and also regard his wife's feelings. Poor woman, until now she does not know the lies he has told and keep telling her. She thinks we have broken up the day she left their house. We ended our "final" talk calmly and said goodbye. He cried again and thanked me for that talk. We wished each other well and that is it. They fly out in 2 days. I am writing to you to ask for advice on how to move forward and maybe to find more clarity on what has happened to us. I have multiple questions in my head, lots of doubts that he was ever true to me at least about his feelings or if he is just a liar and a cheat. Sometimes I feel angry and have a stupid thought of texting the wife, apologizing and warning her about his lies. But then, at the end of the day, I know I am not like that and it is best to just let them be and move forward. But, it hurts so much. I feel used, defeated, sad, hurt, etc. etc. I hope to read some advice and encouragements. Especially that the next two weeks would be the worst I would have to face..
  11. I received an email from my ex boyfriend (7 years) during Thanksgiving and Christmas. He moved out when i returned from an overseas military deployment - he was supportive but grew very angry in my absence that I volunteered to deploy. His adult children, daughter especially, re-engaged with him during my absence and encouraged him to leave me. They were angry and mostly cut ties with him when he began a relationship with me (live-in). He became regretful after moving out but I was too shocked and hurt to respond to any attempts to see him and soon separated items. It was a very dignified and decent separation. I believe he has begun a new relationship with a female that lives out of the area (based on a comment made by a mutual friend a just gut feeling). It is likely a rebound relationship to fill the void - he suffered with loneliness while I was gone - more than I knew at the time. I began No Contact during thanksgiving after receiving a thanksgiving text but no respectful call. When I called him he did not answer and this was a change for me. For Christmas he sent: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. My phone crashed, and I lost 75% of my contact information. That's why you didn't get a Merry Christmas earlier. Sorry. I hope you had a nice Christmas. How is George (my son-they were close)? Your mom? Mike My thoughts are his phone did NOT crash but rather he may have removed my number at the request of someone else. He HAD to contact me via email to be descrete. would you agree? I am in NC mainly for myself-so I can take time to assess me and move forward. I accept the breakup and have just a small hope of reconciling - if we were both better down the road.
  12. So, my boyfriend of almost four years, me being 21 and him 22 are supposed to be saving for a house together. I am constantly saving putting hundreds away each month and he is supposed to be doing the same. However, he is constantly ‘lending’ money to his mum and she now owes him around 3000 pounds. The problem is his mum doesn’t work and I know for a fact that he will not get this money back. I have constantly told him to stop lending her money but I know it is difficult because it is his mum. He never has any money because she keeps having whatever he’s got. This means he can not afford to move out of the family home and subsequently means I’m not going to either. The other day I had a bit of a break down in front of him because it was getting me stressed because he had no money to buy Christmas presents because he had given £250 to his mum. This made me upset as I like to be organised especially for Christmas and it meant that other members of his family might not have a nice gift. I wouldn’t mind if she used the money for things she needed but instead is shopping every day buying things she doesn’t need. After having a cry in front of him he said he would try to stop but then I found out he leant her another £50 just days later. This made me slightly upset due to the fact he knew how stressed it was making me but still continued to give her money anyway. He doesn’t know how to say no. All I want is for us to get our own place but I feel like this is never going to happen. Am I being selfish because it’s his mother at the end of the day or does it make sense why I’m upset? I don’t know if I’m overreacting. Any help appreciated, thanks.
  13. Hey all, just wanted to get some opinions on this: I bought my boyfriend tickets to a concert of a band we listen to a lot and will be in town after Christmas. They were pricey (ish, for me at least they were, I'm not doing sooooo well financially), but I thought I would treat him for Christmas. So I bought them and was getting really excited for Christmas so I could give them to him. Then however like two days after I had bought them, he tells me he is not all that into the band (even though he is the one who showed them to me!!) and that he would go to a concert with me if I wanted to, but it wasn't something he would go out of his way to plan just for himself. Well. Now what? I can't return the tickets but I'm not sure they are a very good Christmas gift now either... What do you think I should do? Give them to him anyways? Try to sell them online? Honestly I don't even know. My spirit is crushed :(
  14. I feel like my gf invites me to way too many events she wants me to go to, like dinners with parents and family, and relatives, and things like that, as well as work events. We first start seeing each other in March/April around, but I feel that maybe she considers me to be a boyfriend to show off sometimes, cause if I don't want to, she will say things like everyone wants to meet me, family and a couple of co-workers so far. Why? Is going out since April long enough for the everyone wants to meet me stage? She wants me to go to Christmas dinner for her work and told me to book off a couple of days, cause apparently Christmas dinner for work, is a three or more hour drive away in another city, and I have to stay overnight in a hotel. Now maybe if she were to have asked me, I would have responded more positively, but she sends me a text saying book it off cause we are staying over night, at a hotel, and everything is paid for, without even asking, like as if she expected to me say yes, and get right on it, especially when I have a new job, and not much days off yet. So I dunno, do you think that maybe she likes showing me off, or am I just making too big a deal out of this perhaps?
  15. So I’m struggling and am curious what you guys think...my Partner and I have been together for about 14 months and are madly in love. We are very affectionate with each other, tell each other we love one another many times a day and all that gross, relationshippy stuff. My big issue is that he never really does anything for me in the way of showing me he appreciates me. It started when Christmas time rolled around and I got him 7 gifts that cost me $350. He got me nothing...DESPITE me telling him I wanted him to make the effort and get me a gift for Christmas. We had a long talk about how I felt like he didn’t care enough about something that was important to me and he apologized, felt bad and said it was apparently a misunderstanding. Fast forward to Valentines Day...I said nothing to see if he would do anything and nothing. Not even a card. I made him a wonderful dinner and got him flowers and a balloon and all that and he just says thanks babe, you’re the best... Fast forward to my Birthday...nothing again. Then our 1 Year Anniversary...nothing again. Now I have noticed from his Families comments that they were never big on gift giving, it just was not a priority for them growing up. But my issue is that I have made it very clear, FOUR times now how I feel about it and how important it is for him to make the effort. It’s not about the material aspect of it, but the fact that all 4 times he has apologized, said he would make an effort and just hasn’t. His reasoning is he doesn’t have enough money. Yet I see him spending all his cash on weed, cigarettes and booze. I should add that I do things for him very frequently whether it be leaving love notes for him, or buying him his favourite snack, surprising him with flowers or a nice dinner. I cook for him almost every night. I make the effort and I don’t know what to do if I have already spoken to him about this 4 times and he still is clueless. I feel like if he really cared he would make these things priorities, especially after our discussions. I even said none of these things HAVE to cost money, little notes or surprising me with dinner made or something is super nice and would make me feel appreciated...anyways, sorry for the long post. Let me know your thoughts. I should also mention I have a pretty severe anxiety disorder that causes me to overthink and stress a lot, so this could be contributing to how I feel.
  16. So I'll try and keep this short. I'm just a bit confused and unsure of a situation. Last Christmas a work colleague who I have never met before (he moved to Canada before I started in 2015) came back over for a holiday and came to our Christmas night out. We got talking and he asked for my number. We went out before he went home and told me a few times he liked me. So 5 months down the line we still talk, but he's so hot and cold. We've tried calling each other a few times but because of the time difference always seem to miss each other. Sometimes he'll message me asking if I miss him. Other times he'll say he misses me and "needs me here". A few weeks ago he asked if I was going on holiday this year and told me to go to the same place as him so he can see me and then he'll completely ignore me for days. If I message him randomly saying sweet things he'll just ignore me. Increasingly it seems he only messages me when he's drunk. Except from last Friday - I had an important work event and he randomly messaged me wishing me luck which was quite nice. He told me he was sober that night and messaged me the next morning too. On the other hand, he ignores a good few of my messages weekly and I put on Facebook that I had just passed an important qualification and he never even mentioned it to me, no well done, nothing. But an hour later he messages asking what my plans for the weekend are. I know he was on Facebook because he tagged two people in something so must have saw my post. I also tagged him in something on Facebook today that he would have liked but he never even acknowledged it, yet he replies back to everyone else. Can anyone please shed some light on what they think is going on? Does he like me or is he playing some sort of game? What should I do? I know I'm probably stressing too much over someone who lives in another country and I'm not even sure he'll move back but it's so frustrating. He's so hot and cold and I don't know why. It constantly makes me feel like I've done something wrong. Can someone give me some advice please?
  17. My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months, and I have a worry I can't seem to shake. Here's some background: Before we started dating he had a big crush on a girl he shared a flat with, but I assumed those feelings had subsided as we started getting closer. 3 months in to the relationship (since the first date) he went on a night out, had a lot to drink, and made a move on his old crush. By 'made a move' I mean danced with her and grabbed her butt. A couple days later, after debating whether to tell me or not, he told me about what happened. He assured me he didn't still like her and saw her as just a friend, he was just 'blackout drunk'. I was devastated, and we took a break over christmas. After the christmas break, I decided to give him another chance, accepting it as a mistake he'd made. We've been happily together since. The reason I'm writing is because he recently drunkenly revealed to me that he did in fact still have feelings for her when the incident occured, and it was only over Christmas and when we got back together that he completely stopped liking her. This deeply hurt me, as I realised that the whole 3 months at the beginning of our relationship he'd liked her the whole time. He gave off the impression he was only interested in me, and asked me to be his girlfriend twice (which I replied I wanted to wait before an official label as he was the first guy I've dated and was unsure when to become 'official'). I feel betrayed and sick at the thought of him not caring about me enough at that point to allow him to make a move on his old crush, when he was the only one I was interested in. Since then we have been great together, my friends all agree he is in love with me (which he says he is) and I do love him too. He has deleted her on all social media and is not in contact with her anymore (he's moved out from living with her now it's the end of the school year). The problem is I can't forget what he did, and I can't shake the feeling of betrayal and pain that he caused me. I love being with him, but don't know how to move on from these feelings, and I have a small worry that he may still like her. Back before the incident he said he only liked me and was loyal to me, which proved to not be true. How can I trust him when he says those things now? Thanks, and sorry for the long post!
  18. I apologize in advance if this is kind of a long post. They usually are, and this one is more of a venting thing than anything, although I would be curious to hear other's experiences on this kind of thing. I have this really good friend who I worked with for a few years and we got along fantastically. I'm a pretty shy person and while I have friends from when I was a kid or teenager that I still tell everything to and am completely myself around, it's rare that I find someone to open up to and show all of me to since I reached my 20s, but she was one of the few. I told her so many of my secret interests and just crazy stuff that not many people know about me and vice versa. It hasn't always been perfect though. She has this habit of "dropping off the face of the earth" so to speak, and in the time I've known her (about 5 years now) she almost never answers her phone messages within 24 hours of my sending them. She's like this with a lot of people so it's not personal, although it seems like with certain people she responds right away ; I only know this from knowing her so long. It's something I've unfortunately had to get use to which my being an anxious person is not fun, when I send her a message, whether just asking how she's doing or if she wants to hang out and I don't hear back for days sometimes. I've asked her why she does this sometimes and she always just resorts to "I'm busy" and me not wanting to be a pushy person, I let it go. The other thing is, she's kind of all over the map. In the time I've known her, she's had a couple different boyfriends and claimed to love them enough to marry them but then dumps them shortly after. She's with a guy now who she feels the same way about. She's also been a vegetarian for a few months before switching back and dyed her hair crazy colors, etc etc. I support her in all these things, don't get me wrong. I'm just using it as an example of ways she's flip flopped on things and I feel like I'm just being completely forgotten about. I know it happens in life. I've had friends move away or just fall out of contact plenty of times. This just feels so abrupt and while I knew it may eventually happen (she's mentioned wanting to move away several times but so far nothing's come of it), I didn't expect it to feel so random or out of the blue. I'm someone who doesn't like to jump to conclusions and so I've given this a long time to kind of simmer. She's had her periods where she's M.I.A. for a long time but something about this has felt more permanent. I basically haven't seen her in 4 months ; I saw her once during the holidays and that was usually our thing. We're both big Christmas nuts and do all kinds of shopping and decorating stuff together but because of her new job, she was too busy to do most of that. She even wasn't able to show up to my annual Christmas party that she was just saying the month prior she would definitely go to and is the one time a year we all get together (her and the rest of my friends and I). That kind of hurt (not because she missed it because I know work comes up but just how careless she seemed about it) and was kind of a signal to me that something was amiss but again, I don't want to pry into her personal life or "make" her tell me what's going on so I gave her more time and space. I asked her to hang out a few times in the past couple months and got several excuses like she's broke, or isn't feeling well, or is working, but unfortunately, her instagram tells a different story. To be clear, I don't stalk her or anything, her instagram story just pops up on my news feed a lot and i see things, like a lot of these times she's "broke", she's out with other friends, and the same with the other excuses. I don't mind, but I wish she would just tell me that instead of making things up. It makes me feel like I did something wrong but if I ever ask, she just says she's been busy etc. etc. Even reading some of this as I write it, I realize how insane I may look, but I really thought we were close friends. I don't expect to see her all the time, I don't expect to see ANYONE all the time but we use to hang out for breakfast, or see movies or do stuff together and it seems like she's just cut me out and I don't know why or if there's anything I could or should do about it. I try not to bother my other friends about this because I'm usually the one who tries to steer clear of "drama". I don't want to bother anyone else with the problems I may be having with a friend but I still do want to get it out of my system which is why I made this post and I realize people grow apart sometimes and they may just be what's happened here. In time, I may accept it. Knowing her though, she could call me next week and ask to hang out sometime, she's just so unpredictable and as I mentioned, I'm an anxious person (which she knows and has usually been understanding about) and that kind of stuff just doesn't help. It doesn't help that recently after asking her to hang out and her not being able to, she made it sound like we would hang out soon, but then I see (and hear from friends) that she went out with a bunch of our mutual friends and didn't think to invite me... that also hurt my feelings a bit but I didn't bring it up because again, I don't want to seem pushy or over sensitive. I apologize to anyone who made it to the end of this post but thanks for listening. It's something that's been bothering me for a while but I shove it to the back of my mind because I realize it's kind of out of my hands at this point. I hope somebody can understand what I'm going through and maybe offer some of their solutions for how they handled it in a tactful way
  19. I (26F) have been spending a lot of time with this guy (32M), and things seem to be going well. We were acquaintances until around May of last year, when we started hanging out regularly as friends. Right away I knew I was interested, and, you know how it goes, I spent months wondering if he liked me back. It seems to me that at this age, there’s really only one reason for two people of the opposite sex to start hanging out regularly (to find out if you’re interested and if you see it going somewhere). The thing is, we’ve both been single for a looooooong time, and we both know exactly why; because we’re incredibly shy. Last month he asked me to be his +1 to his work’s Christmas party, and, despite our awkwardness, it was really fun and we had a great time talking and getting to know each other better. Afterwards, he walked me to my car and then invited me to a party he was having the next week. When I got there, we got away from the crowd and talked deep into the night and he brought up the topic of previous relationships, and we both shared our emotional scars and our hopes for the future. So now here we are. It’s been a few weeks since the party, and Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching. I’ve come to the realization that if I wait for him to ask me out, I’ll be waiting forever... and I’m thinking of using V Day to my advantage. I figured that if I ask him to spend Valentine’s Day with me, he’ll figure out that I’m interested. If he doesn’t want to spend it with me, I’ll know right away that he’s not interested in me and I can stop wasting my time. But if he does want to go out, I’ll see what the general vibe is throughout the day, and if I think he still hasn’t figured out that it’s a date, I’ll nut up and tell him how I feel (at the end of the night, just in case it doesn’t go well haha). And, if the feeling isn’t mutual, we’re both adults and he’s a very kind man so I’m not worried about anything worse than a polite declination. Thoughts? Encouragement? I have NEVER asked a man out before, but it’s something I think all women (even shy women) should do once in their lives. If you’ve ever tried to make the first move and it went well, I’d love to hear about it! I could really use some motivational words to help me get over my fear and nervousness!
  20. been awhile since i needed to post on here. feels bad having to return. i have been with my girlfriend for 6 months. while we have only been together 6 months, we have together been through what feels like a couple years worth of experiences. overall, things have been pretty great. we have been very happy together. only recently, things started to feel like they're falling apart. in a series of terrible events, we both lost our jobs around christmas (she has since found another) and then spent the week of christmas together. all in all, despite the circumstances, things were still feeling okay. however over the past couple weeks since then, we have been arguing a lot (like every couple days) and things just felt tense. now we have had bad arguments in the past, nothing has ever been over serious subject matter, and they always resolved themselves. this time has felt weird and different though. even though we talked and resolved the issue, she has felt pretty distant and lackluster with me. her persona with me has seemed to almost do a 180. the normal silly, fun, affectionate, cant-wait-to-see-me girlfriend of the past 6 months now feels detached and forced a bit. i asked her about it and she says that ever since the last fight, she hasnt felt close to me, even though the air has definitely been cleared. i have been home for the past few days since then and we havent really talked too much and the communication we have had via text and a phone call or two, seemed pretty unenthusiastic on her end. before this past fight, and an underlying issue i had suspected from previous fights, (it's never about what it's about) was that for a couple weeks before i lost my job, things had been a little boring and routine/apathetic i guess, even though we both still had fun and she seemed genuinely happy. the intimacy was sparse because of issues i was having, but everything else was in place. i truly feel like me dropping the ball with that made her feel undesired and disappointed in me and started a slow downhill spiral. it fueled her frustration with me i know as well as added to her own stress in life. i feel so awful about this and the fact that i may have inadvertently ruined our recently great relationship. i am so in love with her and this would eat me alive to lose her. is there any advice on here from anyone or has anyone has similar experience? thanks in advance.
  21. Ok... I will give it a go: I met this guy online (we have been speaking for two months prior) we met up finally at Christmas and had a great time, we went on a second date two days later and spend 4 days together for New Years. He messages and calls during the week but at the weekend he seems to go off the radar. He is keen and enthusiastic to go on a third date but I live 3 hours away from him so it isn't easy. I will be free to see him again in 2 weeks. We Skyped last week and have arranged to spend a weekend together in 2 weeks (I will visit him and stay with him) but again this weekend he went off the radar. I know he has been multi dating prior to us meeting up and I don't expect that he has stopped that but it freaks me out that he couldn't be bothered getting in contact over the weekend especially if he is spending it with someone else.. But then again he has a right to really as we are single and we have only been on 2 dates.. He messaged me this morning to see how I am and part of me is happy he has but part of me is annoyed if he has spent it with someone else and then expects me to visit him in two weeks. I would like to spend the weekend with him and get to know him better but not if he is doing the same with someone else?
  22. My dad has prostate cancer and has done for years. He's been on chemo this week and during it, he's contracted sepsis. I live away from them, and am visiting for Christmas. And I've found out while here that because he's stubborn and doesn't like hospitals he's been hiding symptoms of an infection from my mum for the last few days. This morning, he collapsed, couldn't breathe and I had to call an ambulance. He's got serious sepsis and because he's left it, it's causing multiple organ failure so they don't know if they'll be able to treat it without his organs shutting down. I just had to have conversation with the registrar about him agreeing to a DNR and they can't get his blood pressure up. I'm weirdly calm right now, and I'm guessing soon it's going to hit me and when it does I don't really know what to do.
  23. So my ex and my sister are best friends and have been since before her and I dated. I haven’t heard from my ex, nor have I reached out since the day we broke up—-last Halloween 2016. Since the break up, she has slandered my name, spread our business, trying to poke at me through my sister and friends by asking if I wanted little s*** back like my community college student id a few days after I graduated from the university I transferred to. She’s had a boyfriend since our break up; they recently broke up and she had to move out of his and his mom’s house. So obviously, like anybody who has loved, she is going through the motions of a heart break. Well, Christmas Eve, my sister and I got into this huge fight that led into Christmas morning not being a Christmas morning. Later that evening, dinner was ready and I had asked my mom if she needed anything from the kitchen before I began making plates. She responded no but my ex and sister were about to come in and eat. In short, I told my mom hell nah, she isn’t welcomed in this house. My mom goes onto say she may not have anywhere to go or to eat for the night, let’s be decent people, blah blah blah. Had I not walked down stairs prior to, I would have run into my ex in my kitchen eating with my sister after not seeing or speaking to one another for a year and some change. She hasn’t been over here and hasn’t wanted to be over here since we broke up so idk why she would be oh so comfortable with wanting to be here on Christmas knowing I’d be home. What tf is up y’all? My initial reaction tells me everything I needed to know on my behalf—-I’m through and I don’t want any parts of it. But why would she be cool with being in a situation like that?
  24. Hi ENA, I don't know where to turn. I am a 49 year old female. I have a 12 year old son. I have been dating the same man for 11 years. He is the only father figure my son has ever known. He dumped me on Christmas eve. I am so distraught, I don't know what to do. Not just for myself but for my son. He was really fond of my boyfriend and now he will never see him again. We had a fight on Christmas eve because we were having a party at my house for all HIS relatives. There were 3 kids there, my son and his two granddaughters. His relatives, invited themselves, came over with gifts for his granddaughters and nothing for my son. They gave the presents to the girls in front of my son and were making a big production out of it. I got upset, I though that was very rude. He said I was wrong to get upset - that they were under no obligation to give my son anything. I felt very hurt for my son. We continued to fight back and forth throughout the night. Things seemed to be calmed down and then after everyone left he brought it up again and became very nasty. He left and said he was never coming back. I was supposed to have him and his parents over for Christmas. So Christmas was ruined. I text him a few times on Christmas and he told me to leave him alone and never text him again or he would call the police. This is kind of the pattern when we argue - he storms out and says he is never coming back and then I have to apologize for the argument and he eventually comes around. However, I am not going to apologize this time as I don't feel I did anything wrong. So being that he will never apologize because he thinks he is right - I'm guessing this is the end. I'm so heartbroken - I'm going to be 50 and now I have to start all over. I don't know how to be single. My whole life was wrapped up in his. We did everything together. I'm in so much pain. I feel like there was a death. I've got to get it together for my son's sake. I could barely get out of bed and come to work today. I've never experienced a loss like this. I don't know what to do to feel better. Any help is appreciated.
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