kerrio

In my entire life, I've always been against cheating. I've been faithful in every relationship that I had. I believed that if a person wishes to be unfaithful, they should initiate a breakup in order to save some pain for their partner. My whole belief system has gone down the drain and I am a hypocrite. No, I didn't cheat on a boyfriend, instead, I got together with a friend who is currently in a "committed" relationship for 3 years. I know we are both at fault and I've never felt so horrible in my life. I would appreciate some words of wisdom for those who have been in similar situations. Thanks

For all you that don't know my story, you can read my earlier posts. In short, I struggled through a breakup after a 4 year relationship. It has been almost 6 months since and it is nearly impossible to express my relief and joy in words. I am Happy The funniest thing about being happy is that 6 months ago, I thought that I would NEVER make it through this. I felt like my life lost all meaning and there basically wasn't anything left to live for. I became a zombie. For weeks I barely ate, slept, and worked. I can honestly say that the first 3 months were the most miserable time of my life. Well...why am I so happy now? I am estatic about finding myself again, about being the great person that I was before the relationship. I have regained confidence, self-esteem, and laughter. Moreover, during the time of my relationship, I was a heavy duty smoker who tried to quit many times but failed, yet I was successful on my very first try after the breakup (Ironically, it was the stress caused by the ex that kept me smoking). As time passed, whenever I thought about my ex, I would make or add to a list of qualities that I disliked about him. These not-so endearing qualities made me realize that my ex is not perfect, not even close. I am looking forward to meeting someone who will closer meet the criteria of what I want in a partner (and this is possible). For the many of you that have suffered a breakup, believe me when I tell you this....it WILL get better. No matter how dark and lonely your world may be, know that one day, at the snap of a finger, you will be able to say to your ex..."I'm over you". At that moment, the world will seem the brightest and you will feel hopeful. When that happens, you will be where I am, looking forward to explore the wonders of the new world and experience realms of love that just wasn't meant to be in your old life.

I hate this feeling. Just a few days ago, I was happy and enjoying life as it is. I realized that I wanted more, I wanted better, and I was set out to reach that. I decided that breaking up was the best for me and my ex. I saw myself with other men, even went on a date. This afternoon when I was walking home, I saw my ex with his new "friend". I saw them kiss. I went home and had a cry-fest. The thing is, I don't know why I was upset. I couldn't tell why seeing them bothered me. I thought that maybe I was upset because I didn't expect him to find someone so soon. My friends suggested that maybe I wanted to be the one who found another partner first. Maybe it was because she was beautiful, maybe I'm not over him, maybe I wanted revenge on him for hurting me, but he's a step ahead of me. Maybe this would be different if I had someone in my life. I don't know why I'm upset. Help anyone?

Well, it has been over 3 months since the breakup and I can safely say that I am happy. Getting over this relationship was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do in my life and the main motivation for me (and this might sound stupid) was to find myself again. I wanted to become what I had used to be, a fun, energetic, and happy person. For all of you newbies who have recently been through a break up, believe me when I tell you this.....it does get better. At the beginning, you will feel like your life has lost all meaning, that you will never be happy again. All I wanted to do in the beginning was to stay in my pajamas and cry all day. Everything will seem bleak. However, with every passing day, I realized more and more that my ex is the one who lost something special. I've started doing activities that I used to do and lost some excessive weight (25lbs and still going!). I started to feel attractive again. The best part about finding yourself again is that you start to think about how good things can be without your ex. I can say now that I am grateful that my ex broke up with me because it allowed me to explore greater opportunities that I would have never tried had I still been in that relationship. I haven't cried since that last time I posted here and I've even begun picturing myself with other men. Occasionally, I still speak to my ex, just very casually. I would like to remain friends with him because that was how we started out. This whole event has made me think in new ways. I now believe that everything happens for a reason, and although it may not seem like that now, eventually everthing will work out for the best.

I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to care. I try to keep myself busy so I would stop thinking about this whole thing...but I would start crying in the middle of nowhere. Last week I was fine, but now I just feel miserable. I don't know how I could go from fine to where I am right now. Even when I'm writing this post, I can't stop crying.

Well, I didn't end up emailing or calling my ex, even though I still really want to. He didn't call or email me today to ask how I was, so I'm basically assuming that he doesn't really care that much anymore. Maybe it was a mistake to ask him for a favor. I'm having another big cry spell today and I don't even know why. I don't want to be like this and I hate myself for crying. What is wrong with me? I thought I have gotten over the hard part of the break up and that I am really getting over him, but right now I feel almost as bad as the first few days after the break up. Now, I'm not a genius or anything, but the fact that he didn't check up on me today shows me that perhaps he doesn't even want to be friends. Maybe he feels that I'm a burden and that he's only doing things for me because he still feels guilty. The worst part is that I still want to contact him, just to say hello.

The thing is, before our meeting today, we hadn't spoken to each other for at least 3 weeks and I don't think he's the type to cave in. Like I said before, I think he'd feel too guilty to call me. At the same time, I don't want him to think that he's got me wrapped around his fingers if I did call or email him. This is hard. All of this is so conflicting to me. On one hand, I want to contact him, on the other hand, I don't want to push him away. I have resisted tonight, but I know that when the weekend comes, its going to be the same boredom and loneliness again. I can just see it, in a few weeks time, I'm going to feel alone and have another dramatic cry spell. This would be much easier if I had other friends in this city, but the harsh reality is that I don't. I left my family and friends from another city to be with my ex. Meanwhile, during the time of our relationship, people that I met were all friends of my ex. Back then, I didn't see a need to make my "own" friends (now I know better). So now, I've got no one.

I saw my ex today. I have been sick for a couple of days and today I called my ex to see if he can purchase some medication for me (Since I can't go myself). He came by my place and dropped off the medicine. Although he didn't come in to my apartment, we chatted for a couple of minutes at the door. After seeing my ex, I've been thinking about emailing him to tell him that I miss his company (as a friend) and that I would like it if we could hang out sometimes. (Ok...I really want to tell him this....particularly because I'm lonely.) Now there are a few issues. Should I email him or not? Will I lose my dignity by contacting him? Will he look down on me? Will he say no? (Keep in mind that I don't have many friends where I live and I really need company...I think I might go crazy if I have to spend friday/saturday nights alone. I think boredom can be harmful.) Another issue is whether or not he has a new gf. How can I tell? Should I ask him? Are there ways you can tell if he does have someone else? I bring this issue up because if he does have a new gf, then I doubt that she would support the idea of me hanging around him. All these thoughts are flying through my head and I have no idea what to do. Help.

I don't think that my ex will call me, not because he doesn't want to talk to me, but rather because he feels guilty about breaking up with me. I think my family members and friends are getting tired of me calling them all the time and always complaining about the same things. What sucks the most is that he's got a handful of friends in this area and I'm sure he goes out all the time. I don't know what else to do, I have no one else to talk to and I really want to hear from him. I keep having conflicting thoughts about calling or not calling. What if I don't call him, but write him an email? Is that as bad?

Hi everyone, Well, it's been almost 2 months since the break up and I feel the same as I did a month ago. I've been doing well for the last month, but yesterday, I had a major cry spell. I realized that I don't miss my ex as a boyfriend, but I miss him very much as a friend. I don't have many friends in the city that I live in and I'm finding it very hard to meet new people. The worst times are on friday and saturday nights when I'm sitting at home alone. I have promised myself that I will not contact my ex unless he contacts me first because I don't want to appear desparate, but this is MUCH harder than I thought. I don't want to bottle up my loneliness, I need a friend to hang out with, to go to the movies with, and etc. My co-workers are all older and have their own lives. I don't feel comfortable meeting friends on the internet. Hence, I've got no one. I wish I could go back to my own city and be with my friends and family, but that is not an option because I have to finish school here first and that will take another year and a half. I want to call my ex, just to see how he is, but I know that if I call him, the ball will be entirely in his court. How do I resist the urge to call him? I try to keep myself busy most of the time, but there are always a few hours every day (especially weekends) that I have nothing to do and I end up thinking about calling him. What do I do? How do I stay strong?

Love is a word attached to a feeling, that can be felt, but not understood. That is the best definition I've ever heard. To me, love can have many effects. Love causes us to have butterflies in our stomach every time we see our significant other. Love causes us to smile, out of nowhere and for no reason at all. Love can be bliss, but it can also be harmful.

Okay, I'm also afraid that he's going to find another girlfriend who is prettier, smarter, nicer and etc. I know when that happens, I'm gonna feel like crap because I want to think that I was the best thing that ever happened to him.

I recently called my ex a month after our breakup because I needed his help for some computer problems that I've been having (Trust me, I could NOT find anyone else). He had promised to do it, but kept putting it off. After a week, he agreed to come over on Monday after work, but when I called him, he told me that he was too busy. Now, I'm not an idiot, so I can take a hint (Especially when he lives two blocks away). I asked him what he was doing and he said that he had to go grocery shopping and then meet some friends in a pub to watch a hockey game. At that moment, I felt really sad because I was at the bottom of his priority list. I thought about this for a few hours and I think I have figured out what's bothering me. Since he is the one who broke my heart, I want him to suffer. I want to see him being miserable, just like I was, rather than him partying with his friends. Is this normal? I've decided not to contact him anymore because he obviously does not wish to talk or to see me. Also, if he is seeing someone else, I don't want to play the role of the annoying ex-girlfriend that keeps bothering him. This is how I feel: He's not allowed to get over me until I'm over him

Well, it has been a few days over a month now and I feel like a different person. To recap, I cried for 4 days straight after the breakup and on the fifth day, I just stopped. Its hard to explain how the cry spells just halted, but it comes to a point when I would look in the mirror and see myself saying "Enough!". Luckily, my co-workers were very sympathetic and were quite helpful in cheering me up at work. Every once in a while when I go home, I still feel a sense of loneliness and sadness because I'm returning to an empty house. My ex-bf and I would chat on the phone sometimes and he even came to fix my computer problems. I know that I still care for him and I wish that I didn't. I want myself to be happy and get over him completely and start anew with someone else. When we get a chance to talk, he seems so sweet and that gives me hope of us getting back together, even though I don't want to think that way. The only thing I need now are friends because I do not have many friends, especially close ones and I find myself having a hard time to try and make new ones. I feel really lonely sometimes. So here I am, 20 lbs thinner, and 10 times emotionally stronger and I feel better as each day passes by. I haven't the slightest idea of what the future holds for me, I just hope that I find the happiness to replace the loneliness that I feel. Kerri

I'm glad that you sort of got your closure. But I would have to disagree on your gender takes on breakups. I think it all depends on which person does the breakup. If a man breaks off a relationship with a woman, who will handle it better? I don't think my ex (who broke up with me) feels as worse as I do right now because he was the one who decided to end things. So I believe that its a matter of the situation and also mainly on who ended the relationship. Another question for the guys out there. If you were ever in a long-commitment relationship and decided to end it. Did you suffer any emotional heartaches or cry spells? Did you ever think about the decision that you made and then later regretted it? I have no idea how the male mind works, so I would like to have a man's opinion on it. Thanks