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Simulacra, As you go through life we are going to met people who let you down who you never thought would and it toughens you up and makes you strong and unfortunately angry sometimes. I never deserved what happened to me and all her friends and my friends know that and she knows that now. I made the mistake of giving my body and soul to this woman and looked after her pretty well. So the "getting her back" was to prove to her and to myself that I could get on with my life without her. I didn't do it to hurt her. I did it for me. This world is survival sometimes of the fittest. I know it sounds horrible and crude and shouldn't be like that. But I learned not to look through this world with rose tinted glasses. Cos as soon as you do life gives you a kick up the backside. I know I sound like a pig but the only person you can count in your life is you end of story. Unfortunately what has happened to me has scarred me deep inside and I know there is women that I will let go cos of this

Still there, Your right about every situation been different and your also right not to talk to her when ever she feels like it, that isn't fair. Let her have her new boyfriend. Just do the no contact for a while and see how it goes. She wants her cake and to eat it to by been friends. She's not suffering but you are. You get yourself a girlfriend and at least pretend to move on. I played a trick on a woman in a bar one night to see what reaction I would get. I was walking by her and I told dont worry I'm not trying to chat you up. For the rest of the night she kept looking over at me. At the end of the night she came over to me and demanded to know why I didn't chat her up!!. She then tried to chat me up!. Again she wanted something that she couldn't have.

I went out with this girl for 4.5 years (engaged for 3 months). Last December she finished with me cos she wasn't sure anymore about us. (we started going out when she was 21) Didn't seem to be a whole lot wrong but then again if doesn't feel right it doesn't feel right. Anyway as you guys know this was a bit of a shock to the system. So much so that I the only I could describe it as the same feeling I got when my friend committed suicide a few years back. I couldn't sleep eat for weeks, riddled with guilt about what went wrong mistakes I made. Coulding concentrate at work. I Never thought it would have effected me that much. Friends were throwing out the usual clichés you'll get over it, or if its meant to be its meant to be. Move on but how the hell do you move on from that??. I actually rang her after 3 weeks to see how she was getting on and she told me she was having a great time and was seeing a few lads. When I got off the phone I was back to square one again. Life was tough. About a week later the hurt turned into angry. And I wanted to pay her back for what she had done to me. First thing I did was started playing squash, soccer anything at all during the week to just keep my mind off things. I joined the local gym and started doing weights. This was a great way I releasing my angry. Every weight I lifted I thought of her. I'd said to myself next time she sees me she'll get a shock when she sees my body. My next action was to go out with a girl for a while (distraction), and to have my needs looked after so that I wouldn't be ringing my ex looking for sex. Of course at the same time I was starting to bond more with my friends and going out and trying to enjoy myself. Still killing me but not quite as much. Main thing here is not to contact the ex at all which I didn't. My next plan was for my ex to see me with this new girl and her friends. I went to the bar we used to hang out and funnily enough she walked in when I was talking to my new girlfriend and her friends. At the end of the night my ex was standing about 10 feet away from me as we walked out together. And you know something for some reason it didn't feel great just guilty and silly for doing this. She had a right to live her own life the way she wanted and to be happy and here I was trying to upset her. A few weeks later she emailed me and wanted to go for lunch, (this is were the mind games really start). I didn't email her back. she rang my mobile phone for 3 days I didn't answer (this was killing me not to answer). The 4th day I replied saying I was busy and maybe some other time. One week later she emailed saying she had to met me. I agreed but on my terms. A week later I said we could go for a drink. I was after buying some nice clothes a few days before that and cos I had done alot of weights at this stage I bought a nice tight short sleeve top and tight jeans and before I went out I looked at myself in the mirror and I kept saying be strong and confident cos I know women like that kind of thing so I was told. Of course my heart was racing when I met I give her a peck on the cheek. So we started talking and I knew she was looking at me in that wow kind of way. When I went to the toilet I'd look back and catch her looking at me all over, the plan was working. We talked about how we were getting on I said I was doing great and having a good time and that I getting over things. The BOMBSHELL. She wanted me back she realized how much she loved me and she wanted me back in her life. She seen what we had was alot better than the relationships out there. I was the only one for and she wanted to marry me. Now I was taken aback by all this, I didn't expect this. I found it very hard to say no cos I still loved her but the trust thing wasn't there which is so important. I told her maybe in 3,6months, a year that maybe we could give it another go but I wasn't sure. We did kiss and the attraction is still strong but deep down I knew I was doing the right thing for me for now. I wasn't ready. Moral of this story No matter what anyone says it's all mind games. Women are far better at breaking up than we are cos they can control there emotions and they know we are going to chase them. We cant control our emotions and we do and say silly things trying to put things right. Its in our nature. She saw that I was moving on without her and she couldn't handle that. Guys don't chase them or they will move further away from you. Try not to see them for a while. Occupy yourself. If you see them play it cool. Smile and pretend that your happy. I realized that there is more to life than relationships. I want to see what other women have to offer not just going out with them but becoming friends and learning what type of woman suits me. We have our whole lives for settling down. Smell the rosies guys.. The world doesn't go around your ex. Maybe she is the one for me but right now I like the fact that I can do whatever I want when I want (I have 2 holidays booked with my friends this year). If we don't get back together so what. I have learned alot from the relationship and have memories. Its now time to have some fun and for me to take time out. Guys be strong and confident in yourselves and before ye start another relationship be happy within yourself ( I finished with the new girlfriend cos I couldn't handle her emotional baggage as well as my own problems) Don't depend on no one only yourselves. Its hard I know but its your life not her life that is the most important thing when you break up. True saying what you cant have you want and when you have it you dont appreciate it. Human nature is a funny thing. Hope it helps some of you guys out there.

Thanks for replying to me its helpful and I appreciate it Well there is only one way to look at this and that is she's not the one for me matter how hard it is or how much I want her I know (hope)these feelings will go away some day and I'll find someone else someday. Funny thing relationships she could'nt find a fault with me and I see couples who 2 time each other, treat each other like sh.. have big fights, mood swings, jealously, possessive and there is me who did none of the above and I'm left holding the can. Life sucks when you know you dont deserve it. I have gone out on dates with a few women since and it helps that they see things that my ex cant see which is strange but nice. I think to myself why couldn't she see these things. She is right to consider her options but she should of thought of that before we got engaged and it would have made things a bit easier. I am supicous about how she will feel in the future, I got closure but I'm not so sure she did she just kept saying I dunno how I will feel in 2,6,8 months. I hope that I'm strong enough to say no if she ever does come back but I'll be trying to move on in the mean time and hopefully we wont bump into each other for a while. I suppose the one thing I am dreading is seeing or hearing she is with someone else that would be hard and I think about that alot. Its like I brought her to where she is today and now somebody else is going to get intimate with her that I so crave from her but I suppose that's life I'll get used to it and hopefully one day I wont care.

Well here goes I'm not one for writing messages but I feel the need to. I feel very down at the moment. I had been with my girlfriend for 4 years up until few weeks ago, we both seemed to be in love for the first few years and then we broke up for 4 weeks a few years back but we got back together. We both felt that we were meant for each other, so much so that we got engaged last August and everything seemed fine, then a few weeks ago she dropped a bombshell that she wasn't sure anymore. She had been out on her own a few times and she got alot of attention (she also lost some weight)and she had the urge to be with these fellows. She wanted the buzz and excitement. Then when she was down home with me everyone was asking about when we were getting married and about houses and she just felt pressure. So we broke up. I feel that I have giving alot to this relationship (she was in her early twenties when we started going out)over the years helping her through the bad times making her the person she is today. Always being there for her. I feel cheated that I gave so much and now its over. I know you look back at things and just a few short months ago she was saying how much she loved me and talking about the kind of house she wanted. It doesn't make sense to me. I feel she let go to soon and we could have tried to work it out. I suppose if she loved me she would have. Anyway last week I decided to get the ring back we sat and talked I was calm. She wanted to keep the ring cos she just time to herself to work things out and that it was staring her in the face and she couldn't see it and that in time maybe she would want to come back to me also that she feels numb, and hasn't really thought about it cos she has been to busy????.I dont think it has sunk in with her yet. She also wanted to keep in contact is always wondering how I'm getting on and it was nice to see you kind of thing. But I feel I deserve more than this after giving so much maybe she needs a few men to treat her badly for her to appreciate me as she said herself. Anyway I took the ring back and told that it was for the best and that I wasnn't going to wait around. I left her crying the car. I dont think she knows what she wants and that is no good for me even though my heart was breaking. I'd told her that if she ever felt the need to come back and then ring me or whatever but that I couldn't promise her anything after the way I have been hurt. Life goes on but its tough. I hope it starts to get easier sooner rather than later but I still think about her every minute and about taking her back. I know I have to let her go and not get in contact with her again which I will do. Maybe some day she will realise that the grass wasn't greener on the other side and hopefully we will try again but I'm not holding out much hope. Funny thing is she said she was happy but that she needed to get this out of her system, to see what it was like to be single. She said she still likes to think of me as the "one" but that she was doing this for us. As regard problems we didnt have any I treated her very well, always there for her, looked after in everyway of course we had or up and downs like any couple but nothing thats worth mentioning.