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About Me

  1. Me and my girlfriend have been going through a rough patch at the moment due to me developing health anxiety and minor depression and it has really taken a toll on us but she stuck with me through it all, I noticed a distance in her and we discussed and sorted it all out and we were on the road to being happy again. Last night I had an opportunity to read her messages as I knew she'd been texting a guy she slept with a long time ago (I know I shouldn't have gone through her phone but I was drunk and my anxiety got the better of me) there were some flirty texts there and I noticed when she wasn't replying or talking to me she had been chatting away to this guy in massive paragraphs and cheeky flirty messages such as talking about what she was wearing to an Ann summers party and saying she wished she was with him when he mentioned he wished she was there. I brought it up to her and she said it meant nothing and that was the way her and this guy had always talked to eachother, she acknowledged it was flirty and apologised saying she would cut all contact with him to which I said I don't want her to do that as I don't want to be the reason she loses a friend. Since this happened she has told me she thought nothing of what was said and she loves me and wants to do anything to make it up to me that she can and that the shady buisness stops here or our relationship does. The question is do I forgive her, I understand why she was pushed away due to our relationship troubles but I thought we were getting better, I'm just a bit confused and need someone to advise me on if I should end it now or forgive her and move on, If I trust her when she says nothing was going to come out it and she will never do it again I open myself up to being a pushover and it happening again and in my current head state I dont think I can do this again, somebody please help
  2. I know that everyone is different and what may be forgivable to one may not be forgivable to the another, But I am curious what things do you think are forgivable (whether that forgiveness comes right away or takes time) or is just so bad that no time can mend the wound, I recently lost a friend, I lost her for basically two reasons I overdid it and sent two many messages and texts and she blocked me, That may or may not be unforgivable, What I do think is unforgivable however is what I did AFTER that I was desperate to move on but I just had to make sure she at least saw a letter I wrote so I opened up an old facebook I closed and posted it on her wall (I said nothing bad but that does not matter) and she and I no longer speak to me. I did walk up to her after 3 weeks of no talking and told her that I am sorry (Nothing else I was afraid I would take away from the apology and I said I know you never want to speak to me again and I will leave you alone.(The next day something weird happened because she smiled at me and I awkwardly smiled back but said nothing and I am going to keep my promise and leave her alone; BUT MY STORY WHICH I POSTED ELSEWHERE IS DONE I used what happened to me (Well more to the point what I did wrong) as an example of things that are forgivable and not forgivable. So What DO YOU think is forgivable and what is not? Have a great day
  3. Post your most memorable movie quotes (or dialogue) here. I'm thinking not necessarily the most well known (Life is a box of chocolates), but those which stuck with you for some reason. If you wanna say why its memorable to you, even better. To start: From "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" (major paraphrasing) Mona Stangley : And Jesus went to a wedding where he turned the water into wine Sheriff Earl Dodd: He was a great man, and he knew how to throw a party Mona: Earl, I can't believe you said that, that's sacrilegious Earl: I know, I know. But God forgives me. Mona: Ain't it funny how God can for give you, but people can't? Earl: I suppose that's because people aint very God-like I was a teenager when I saw this scene. Growing up, we were taught that our parents' word was infallible. I was starting to realize this wasn't true, and they were often unfair. Seeing this scene brought it home that people truly aren't "God-lkie"
  4. From few days, I have been getting ill feelings towards every human being. I don't know what is happening to me. People just wanna criticize me. I try to help them but they don't wanna help me. I asked for some advice but only 2 persons helped me. Others just listened to the problem as if they are joining what is happening in my personal life. I feel as if they are so selfish. They just wanna take help but don't wanna help others. Even if they don't have anything to advice,at least words of comfort may help, isn't it? I literally avoid asking for help from people because I don't wanna disturb them but when i do, consider it a serious issue. Next i am tired of being criticized. Even if i help them,they don't take it seriously. They humiliate so much. It's as if they slit your neck into two and say"Oh sorry,sorry.. I didn't mean that." Yet i forgive them even before they ask for it. Please help me. I have so many hardships and i just need words of comfort to be least but they don't understand what one is going through. I can't discuss my problems with anyone, they would consider it a burden ,i am sure. I am tired of keeping them within myself. I don't know what is happening to my heart. It's getting filled with filthy feelings, I don't know what should i do?
  5. I’ve been dating a guy for 5 months, the relationship was really good and healthy, he treated me with respect and I did the same for him. He was always there for me, being a loving boyfriend, listening to my problems and giving me advice. The relationship I had with his family and friends was pretty good too. One day he dumped me out of the blue. He just woke up and told me that he didn’t see a future with me, and that he felt something off with the relationship for some time. Now he is back and asking for another chance. Should I forgive him or should I say no and walk away. Help please
  6. We are in relationship for more than a 1,5 year, we are living together for 1 year. We are truly in love, she is always smiling when I get back from work ,has happy tears when I do something nice for her, I really care and look after her, she knows that becouse she often tells me that i am a great men, perfect one… but i had a problem, when we were at some party and I drank Too much i started arguing with her without any reason, one time I hurt her so deeply that she basicly broke up with me but after two days she forgave me and from that situation i promised to her that i will work on myself, and it wont happen again, an amazing year just passed, i have kept my promise, we had very few small fights but nothing serious just normal relationship stuff and 99% of them was while we were sober until now , becouse 2 days ago it happened to me (and her) again - I Lost control over how much i drank on new years eve and at about 3 am I started arguing with her without any reason - again, I dont know why I did it and there is no logic in my behaviour - i blacked out. Next morning when i woke up with a Hangover she told me that I need to move out till the end of the month, and thats Too much for her, that she doesnt let me treat her like that her friend was still with us so i didnt have a chance to talk to her than. I bought her favourite sweets and meal few hours after and left a card with my apology ( begging for forgiveness)the next day i bought the flowers and big teddy bear and I asked her for forgiveness personaly, I was basicly begging her to not leave me and trying to show her that i did changed but i have failed this night and now I will basicly throw alcohol away from my life so It now wont happen again for sure and i know i can do this ( i was crying telling her that) but without any satisfying result, she accepted flowers i think becouse they are standing on a main table in our home. Today i made a dinner for her but becouse I knew she doesnt want to eat with me I just told her that i made it and its ready on the table. 1 hr later i recieved a message on my phone that she thanks me for the dinner but I can stop trying as it wont change anything… i went outside for a walk and texted her my asking for forgiveness again and my will to change, and how much she means to me etc but she said she doesnt trust me no more becouse i said same thing last year and it happened again and that she doesnt want to be with a person like me no more… I know she loves me and i love her Too , she means world to me and I cant imagine life without her, she didnt remove our pictures from home walls or Instagram or relationship status from facebook i know I can completely remove alcohol from my life becouse its the only reason i acted like this, and only reason my relationship is broken now - ( i am not drinking everyday, just some weekends) should I give her more time since its been only 2 days ? (We never had a longer „fight”) and than ask her again ? do You think she will forgive me ?
  7. I left my husband almost 2 years ago. We were quite different but the trigger was me having a transplant in hospital over Christmas and he didn’t come visit. Not because he didn’t care but because he was working on the practicalities of moving house and looking after our son etc. However, at the time I needed him there and it summarised just how different we were- me being emotional and him being practical. So I left. I met my current partner 18 months ago and we are expecting our first baby at the end of May. But I can’t stop thinking about my husband. I’m overwhelmed with guilt. He is such a good man and an amazing father to our son. I know so many people would kill for a partner like him. I hate myself for hurting him and I can’t forgive myself for not working on the relationship. I love my current partner and we are a lot more compatible but every single day I hate myself for ruining my marriage. I don’t know how to move on and try forgive myself for my mistakes. Any advice would be appreciated!
  8. I met a guy, the most amazing, kind, fun, like minded person I have ever met. He gave me everything, made me feel like the most important person in the world.....and I ed it. I deceived him by messaging someone else. I told him the truth, but this one lie has ruined everything, he can't even look at me anymore. He thinks I've lied about everything, he thinks I'm lying when I apologise, and no matter what I try to do to fix it, it only makes things worse. Is there any way he will ever forgive me or am I just clutching at straws in hope.
  9. Me and my bf have been together for 5 years. He is a reay great guy and loves me a lot.He cheated on me once with my close friend where they exchanged texts for a few months... But he felt v.guilty came clean to me... After lots of fights and time... I forgave him... Its been 4 years now and he has always been extremely truthful and goes out of the way to make me happy... But two days ago he has a beer. He promised he will never consume alcohol and even if he did,he would tell me...He dint tell me and told mr only because he got sick. I feel so betrayed again... He said he was forced to take at his work... I m v.scared and hurt that he lied to me. He says he has been building the courage to tell me for 2 days.But it really makes me sad and i love him so much and i know he regrets it. but i m finding it hard to accept it. What to do?
  10. Me & my significant other are currently going through some things that are veryyy complicated! .. to make it sort of simple.. We were having disagreements & arguments like no other for the past 2 weeks straight.. the arguments stems from him turning down my advances for sex .. again! at first it was the "I'm tired from work" "I'm to stressed out" to a blatent "I just don't want to" & him not wanting to do any bonding activities (it's fair season) so.. I can admit I have been giving him a hard time because I was frustrated. Things ended up getting physical. & I broke his windshield :( It was my fault , offered to pay for damages but he says "we're okay , I forgive you" sounds like good news right? (Under the circumstances) nope! so he then decided basically that since the relationship went left we can be friends until things get back right.. but the Break is not mutual.. & his reasoning for not wanting the relationship seems like things we can work on from within & he just doesn't agree.. I'm at a crossroads sort of because I love him so much but I feel as if he's trying to leave the door cracked open ya know? Or like you know how you can bond with a car but without the title it's pointless? That's how I feel.. I may be processing it wrong but what do you guys think ?
  11. A few months after breaking up I had a discussion with my ex in which I somehow indirectly accused him that he had hurt me during the relationship. I said that “I hope you will understand one day how much you hurted me. And how much I gave for you”. (The relationship with him was very hard for me because I was the crazy in love one, ready to do everything, while he was detached and I felt he never really cared for me.) He said it was never his intention to hurt me and that he knows how much I gave for him and also he somehow pointed at the fact that I should have learned to forgive and forget if I was a good person. So it was kind of an accusation that I still hold grudges. Now, I really do hold grudges on him. I mean I really felt hurt during the relationship and I got out of it with such a low self esteem(to which he also “contribute” with his behaviour). Maybe the reasons for my heatred are not serious enough, but personal frustrations only, but I can’t say “I am chill about the past”. This resentment makes me feel bad in the same time. And I feel guilty especially because he put that in my face. And most important I somehow use this bitterenes inside, to make myself totally forget about him and to tell myself it was not worth. Because I still have feelings that I hide behind the heatred. Anyway now I am NC with him and I go on with life but I can’t let the grudges go. I still didn’t get over past. The best would be to forgive and be at peace, but I don’t even know how to do that. Are my feelings normal? How to decide wether you are fair in your feelings or not? What’s the solution to get rid of them? Thank you!
  12. Long story short. It was a very healthy relationship, the night before we were in the cinema and had a lovely dinner together and woke up arm in arm (we lived together). The next day we had an argument - I was upset and told him Im leaving. The same day when I returned home he packed up my stuffs and asked me for the key. When I got home he asked me: are you hungry? Should I cook something? And I saw in the living room my stuffs were packed in luggages. I flipped out. I destroyed our photos. I threw my beloved soft toy in the bin which was his gift for me, I was broken. He yelled at me: this is my home. The next morning I received a call from his mother and she told me to leave....I was even more mad that he got his mother involved...Then he threatened me with the police and he actually called the police on me to make me leave the common apartment. (he is the one who has the contract with the landlord). I went homeless. A week later I couldn't stand this situation after we texted to each other...I went to "his" apartment, for me emotionally also mine at 11pm, a bit tipsy. He locked the door from outside and came out. I just wanted to go home...It happened so suddenly with this stupid argument. We are both not mature and both lack of communications. It was wonderful even the day before. I didn't open me the door and I gave him a smack, I left the house. I know he loves me very much, he told me I was his first love and we had future plans (two vacations booked) and marriage plans. He never lived with a woman before. We never had any arguments before living together. I do love him. He sent a common friend a day after her wedding day a message that he wishes thing would have worked out differently and he could attend the wedding alone with me. That common friend told him that I left the wedding earlier because I was sad too. I am not an aggressive person he knows that and I always took good care of him. It was that moment I wanted to go home... my heart broke to see him not letting me to go home. I wanted go home and cry. We were both acting like kids. He knew I would never leave him (maybe he did not in that moment), he called my bluffs and packed up my stuffs... So would you as a man to forgive?
  13. I just wanted to share this story quick and honestly I forgot about it until reading some other posts on here. I first signed up on this site some, heck 7 or 8 years ago now when my ex-girlfriend dumped me. She turned out to be a closet lesbian and it just absolutely destroyed my life for years. It really caused me a lot of problems with dating ever again. Especially because I felt like this girl was the one and I felt like a sucker for falling for her and not seeing the signs. I am still dear friends with one of her family members. In early July he invited me over for a gathering and my ex was there. I had not seen her in years since the breakup. I did everything I could to avoid ever seeing or talking to this person again. I was shocked and at first almost didn't even recognize her. I always wondered what would I do or say if I seen her again. My friend and his family were kind enough to invite me to their place that day, and I didn't want to make the day miserable or anything try to avoid her in this very small house of theirs. I ended up talking to her face-to-face very briefly. It was a positive encounter. I just talked to her very briefly, asked how she was doing, told her about my mom passing away (because she got to know her when we dated). Overall it was a positive experience and me not acting like a jerk came off as a sign of forgiveness from me. If anyone had a right to be pissed off or make a scene it was me, but I didn't. It turns out that this poor woman, besides being gay, had deep psychological issues over the years I was told (including schizophrenia and bipolar disorder I believe). That may be the reason for why it felt like I was talking to a different person. And, I just couldn't be mad anymore. After learning that. After all the time that has past, after losing my mother. I just couldn't care to stay angry or upset anymore at this person. I just wanted to share with you people on the breakup forum here; eventually that time comes when you forgive these things. I haven't forgotten, but I do forgive. I still feel pretty doomed with ever finding love again. I just don't feel like that's in the cards for me. But, I don't carry around all this resentment anymore for this person.
  14. Disjointed thoughts, rambles and some cliches in the middle: Many years ago I was in an extremely abusive relationship. It was a few years during my most formative years that took decades out of me. This person degraded me on many levels and I went through hell. My closest friends and family know parts of the story, but what I think no one really knows was that I forgave what this person did to me (on an emotional level, not on a "lets get back together/lets talk" level I blocked and deleted this person from my life ever since and don't want to ever interact with them as I know he's toxic not only to me but to everybody. It's not important to me that he knows that I've moved on from the pain and don't hate him) much quicker than I forgave myself. What is there to forgive? There is the pain and sometimes "shame" of our choices to be with that person and not having self respect, it's the pain I caused to my family and friends with how self absorbed I was and how I treated them. It also took me a long time (and I'm still on my way) to forgive other things that came after when I took I deep look at myself. I had times in my life where I was selfish, self absorbed, had victim mentality and was even manipulative towards other people to get what I wanted. No, I don't consider myself abusive nor have I used people for material purposes, BUT I used people to feel validated. I used people to get attention. I helped people expecting something in return from them (love, attention, validation) instead of being truly selfless. I did things that weren't honest to myself just to put on an image. I fished for compliments. I strung people along just because I wanted to feel loved. I used my past (the abuse and other things that happened) to justify some of my bad actions or to play the victim expected to be coddled and excused. I was toxic to myself, I hurt myself, I didn't respect myself. I'm not proud. I many times didn't value the people who really valued me and were there for me, because I wanted to get love and attention from other sources. I "used" people to either fulfil my self prophecies and prove my "woo me" points or to re-enact situations of my past and try to rectify them in the present with people who had nothing to do with it and were unaware that they were "re-enactments" to me. I blamed people for not corresponding to my expectations or to not treat me as I wanted them to treat me. I blamed others for my shortcomings. I was immature pretending I was mature. I guilt tripped people on some level. I pretended to me a certain way expecting to please people. I was (and still fight not to be) a people pleaser not because I'm genuinely nice, but because I wanted people to like me. I wasn't following my truth many times. My path to become a better person had (and has) many twists and turns. Of course much of this I did unconsciously of what I was doing and it was things that I did over the years. But taking conscious of our actions and specially, our true intentions behind our actions is a brutal process. It's painful to see yourself for real, the beautiful and the damaged. I didn't know better, or even when I knew, I didn't have the strength to do better. But when we go through that process we gain great power... the power of truly gaining control over ourselves and our actions. But "with great power comes great responsibility" they say. And it comes... because now we really have to put thought into our true intentions and it hurts on a deeper level when we fall back to these patterns or when we don't act truthfully. Conscience hurts but at the same sets us free. It's brutal... it's uncomfortable. And only more recently I truly began to forgive myself and to try to be a better person just for the sake of being a better person and not because I want to SHOW I'm a better person or make people like me. Something that the user catfeed wrote in one of my threads struck me forever. It was about not letting the "hurt/traumatised child" of our past take control of our adult self. Regaining our control and truly take responsibility. It took a while to put it into practice. It takes effort and sometimes I slip. Forgiving is hard and even if we can't right now it's ok, it takes its time. We're all on different paths with different obstacles and lots of ups and downs. It's ok not having done better or known better in the past. It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to try many times until we get it right. It's ok to have twists and turns along the way. It's ok if what was important in the past is not important anymore. It's ok if it hurts too much right now. It's ok not to be perfect and realising that opens our heart to true compassion for others and their struggles. You already got here, whatever "here" is for you... and that's amazing. We cannot change what happened in the past, only what we do with it. Never think you "got there", we're always evolving, but also realise that sometimes you've got much further than you thought. Every repetition of our patterns is a chance to learn the lesson, to see the same core situation through different perspectives, to do what we know best to get to the next. Do I always practice what I preach? Not always, but my goal is to do so more and more. One of my favourite movie quotes is "There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path" (Matrix)... it hits me because more and more that's my life mission. I want to truly be more genuine day by day and to forgive myself little by little.
  15. Hello, Here is my little story, i am in love with a man that recently broke up with me, we lived together 3 years and something.. Our relationship has become extremely toxic after a cheating event. i keep getting angry at him whenever he does something that annoy me, the reason why i get so angry is that i never forgave him for cheating on me once at a party while he was drunk, he thought it was a great idea to leave the house party sit in the garden and kiss another woman, i was there watching them, i got so frustrated, left the party, but he followed me running explaining that he didn't know what happened and it wont happen again. 2 years has passed since that sad event and he has been so good to me. The problem was me being aggressive and mean whenever he did something wrong. I wanted his attention 24/7 he felt like a father looking after a baby. Anyway 2 months ago he told me that our problems should end, that he didn't love me anymore. I told him that i understand the issue, i understand i have trouble forgiving him and i am planning to get better if he only gave our relationship another chance, he didn't want to and he left. I moved to a friend's house and left him in our apartment and i stopped contact for 2 weeks. He found out that i was not leaving the room, not eating properly and taking drugs to wake up in the morning, i would stay 3 or 4 days without taking a shower, i was feeling really bad like my life was ending. My best friend called him and asked him to call me sometimes, when he called i didn't want to reply, i didn't want his pity. He came around the apartment and asked me to move back with him. After some talk, i did move back, i am feeling much better but 2 months in i feel that something is lost, something has to be done to win his heart back. He says it is all fine but i think he is with me just because he thinks i can't live without him, but sure i can, i know i can, but i also know i would feel bad for a while before i pick myself up. I dont to leave to prove that to him, because i love him more than anything in my life right now, i just want him to love me back, i feel guilty for not been forgiving and not knowing how to release my tension and anger some other place than on him. I tried to talk to him so many times, but he just shuts off and tell m dont worry it will be ok. But it is not, he doesn't love me and i am just here waiting for something to happen... :-(
  16. Essentially got left by fiancé of five years together, with her quite quickly going into the next relationship. At this point in time, this relationship has gone pretty official, though I know they were hanging out pretty early into her bringing up issues with us (December-ish). I’ve wished my ex fiancé well, and have told her I forgive her for all of this, though it really doesn’t seem to matter at this point in time. From my understanding, we had a good relationship that wasn’t really bogged down with fights or any sort of big issues (cheating, verbal abuse, etc.), though I had been taking my stress home too often from work over the last year. I guess at this point, there doesn’t really seem to be any recourse I can take to fix things, though I’m plagued pretty often by regrets over things I didn’t do well enough in the relationship such as spending more time with her on a consistent basis. I asked several times if anything was wrong holding up our engagement but didn’t want it to feel pressured at all either with any deadline for a wedding (pretty chill with all that). From my end, how do I move past regrets of things I didn’t do well enough? I’m able to forgive her for everything and believe she is a good person, but continue to have so much self doubt in my own worth. I don’t mean to sound too depressed, I’ve gotten in the best shape of my life, am hanging out with friends, and am actively pursuing my Masters degree since all this. I just know there are some really good posts in previous forum topics I’ve read over the past several months and am open to suggestions:)
  17. Hi , my fiancé and I have been together for a year. We originally started talking online (Instagram) while he was overseas in Nepal. We talked and talked for a month and when he got back we went on a date and hit it off straight away.. we were together for 2 months when he told me that while he was away he had a one night stand (while we were talking) I was really hurt at first but forgave him and thought I had moved on.. I had also kissed a guy before we had met in person. We are getting married next month.. and I am reallly struggling with what he did :( we are really in love.. it’s just my mind is going crazy, is it possible to get over this? Am I overthinking it?
  18. I have been with my partner for three years. We have lived together for the past two years. Last year I bought my own flat with the inheritance money that my dad left me and we moved out of our rented flat into it. We have had issues in the past with his money problems. He is a recovering CG and racked up a lot of debt before he met me. He tends to hide his problems from me and eventually I discover, he promises not to do it again and I forgive him. Besides that our relationship has been great. However I started a new job 7 months ago which has been extremely stressful and requires quite a lot of travel. My new manager has been horrible and bullying me, so I have been coming home stressed and upset every night. A few weeks ago I discovered some debt letters (opened) in the flat and found out he hadn’t paid his employment tax or his car insurance (meaning he was driving around uninsured for months). I was so upset with him and I said I didn’t know if I could be with him in the long run if he kept hiding things from me. Fast forward three weeks, my job situation gets increasingly worse and comes to a head. We are having dinner one evening and he turns to me and says I’m not happy, I’m not sure if I love you any more and says he wants to move out. I’m obviously shocked, hurt and angry but I say if that’s what you want I can’t stop you. He then starts back tracking and saying maybe we could start dating again in a few weeks but he needs to move out. He is crying his eyes out over it. The next day he packs a bag and leaves, still crying and very upset. He texts me the following day and says how sorry he is and that he hopes we can meet in a few weeks and see what happens. I don’t reply until the following day and tell him how much he has hurt me. I suggest we have a call and lay all of our cards on the table (I suspected it could be money). He agrees and we speak on the phone and he says he wants us to work, that we deserve that and that we can meet up in a few weeks. He also says he wants some space but he doesn’t want us not to message each other and if I need him for anything then to please contact him. The following day he comes over to the flat to collect all of his belongings. He is crying and keeps hugging me and saying how sorry he is. When he takes the tv (his tv), I ask him if he will use it and he says no it will go in his mums loft. I said maybe I could buy it off him and he says “If all goes well it will be back with me at some point”. I agree to give him space and he says he will message me later in the week and set up a date for us to meet. It’s been two days and I haven’t heard from him and won’t contact him myself. I am so hurt and upset. With everything I am going through with work to, I feel like I am at an all time low and he is leaving me in the middle of it. If he wanted to break up with me why not just do it but he keeps saying we can meet in a few weeks and try to start over. He also hasn’t changed his relationship status on social media. I am so confused, I love him so much but I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for this. I mean he has cleared all of his things out of my flat and it was all so sudden, not a word of warning.
  19. My rule in the house and my wife knows this is no drug use at our house (in or out). We each have kids from other marriages. My step-son (he's 17) has been drugged up many times and my wife does little to deal with it. One night the whole house stunk of it and when I went to the kitchen he was drugged up. Now I had my kids at the house as well (teenagers) and I don't want them to think this behavior is acceptable. My wife said she will deal with it in the morning which to be honest would be nothing or not much. I started telling him to not smoke that stuff etc. My wife came out and was angry and wanted us to drop it and wait until the morning but too late cause I'm upset and have to deal with this. My wife was upset that I was yelling at his son (and I'm sure it wasn't the best time to talk to him on this but again I'm upset) and she starts hitting me. Her other son comes in to see what's going on. The drugged step son threatens me like "you want to go" and comes at me but his brother pushes him away twice so he doesn't get to me. I call the kid a loser which angers my wife and she starts hitting me again. Note I don't touch anyone. I take her to the bedroom and tell her he needs to leave. My thought is I don't need this drugged up disrespectful kid in my house - who knows what he will do. My wife says if he goes then I go. I have no choice cause I don't trust this kid and just want him out. So she leaves with the two sons. The next day she is upset because I don't check on her. I couldn't because I was so in shock that my wife didn't back me up on this, hit me, and acted the way she did. I knew she ok with her sons. She was also upset because a few days I didn't want him at the house but after about a week he came back. Of course he never apologized to me at all. That was 10 months ago and my wife is still upset and says she may never forgive me for this. She knows she has to goto a counselor and wants to she says but she was given counselor names 3 months ago and has done nothing. She made it clear she loves her children more than me etc. But I'm thinking she can't forgive me and why do I even to be forgiven - didn't I do what a father should to protect and address the situation...shouldn't I be able to hold up the rules of the house. Thoughts? What do you all think? Seems like she's going to throw away our marriage on this? Anyway I'm going to see a counselor to help me on this but would like to know your thoughts. Thanks J
  20. I just posted about a situation that opened an old wound. Now, as part of my healing I'm trying to come to terms with my thoughts...forgive and move on instead of ignore and move on. Part of this process, for me, is to understand the other person and how she views me - for my ego, so I can practice viewing her the same way, etc. I know I should not be analyzing her, but I want to ask this once and get it over with. Here it is: She explicitly says I am one of the closest people in her life, says she cares about me deeply, etc. How is it that you can view someone in all these ways that are the same as when we were dating but have no unlinked romantic feelings from them? when we hung out many months ago (once for dinner and once for something i cant remember) she would rest her head on my shoulder or want to sit next to me as if we were together. i ask because when I view her - I, too, care about her and her family but these feelings of concern are not platonic. How do you view someone in a platonic way but still act like its romantic?? she does not treat me like her other "friends". I'm asking the girls because I know how a guy thinks I will admit that before Saturday I didn't care about any of this. I was still angry at her but in every other way I didnt care...how she viewed me, what she was up to, that she would text me, and even while I was hanging out with her..I wouldn't care. but there was still anger. and for a different time, I'm still having trouble forgiving and not being aangry at her. But from my last post I learned from some of you that this, too, will fade with time. thanks again for helping me.
  21. Hey everyone, I have been with my Fiancé for almost 2 years now, things happened very fast for us and we have a 6 month old baby boy who absolutely adores him. The problem is, he does not trust me and it hurts. I don’t have anything to hide I am not doing anything and he has access to anthing he wants, me computer, phone whatever. He has accused me of the maintenance man, says I’m looking at men when we are out and about, one time there was a food stain in my car and he said it was a sex stain, he checks the sheets for things, he had my phone hacked and paid somebody well obviously this person was a scam artist that literally just pulled a random contact off of my facebook and said I had been talking to this person, this person is the father of one of my friends! So what happened after that I was accused of messing with a married man and when I plead with him its not true i just get called a liar. I am currently being evicted because he has harrassed the maintenance man but the landlord said she wouldn’t put it on blast and would say I left on good terms. I would be so DONE if evertime he didn’t come to me crying begging for my forgiveness and saying he thinks he has a sickness and needs help. I have to literally get to the point where I tell him I’m done throw all his stuff out and cut ties before he realizes he’s wrong and starts to panic and cry saying he believes me. I have tried the gentle approach to this also in the beginning I would say, I have not done anything baby why do you think you are feeling this way its ok to be scared but I’m not cheating on you, this never worked with him, he would just keep calling me a liar. It has happened so many times now that I literally just tell him to get out anytime he starts accusing me. We have tried counseling, do you think he may be bipolar and maybe needs meds? He goes through cycles of paranoia, anger, accusing and regret and panic. My last day in the apartment is next week should I go to CA where my mom and sister are and get away from him or is there a chance he can really stop doing this to me?
  22. Hey, Trev here. This is going to by my first and long post, any tips and help is appreciated - let me start by saying that I’ve always been the shy guy and I have enormous commitment issues, my main priority has been to confirm myself since I need to work before letting anyone in. I talked to a girl for 2 months after a trip in LA that I met at a coffee shop through a friend this year and we had amazing chats and I liked her, at the same time I talked to other girls but it felt good having her to talk to - I didn't have any relationship thoughts since I’ve been living alone for quite some time, you meet someone and go on and it has worked well – I also have things I need to work on with myself before letting someone in and I was unsure about our future as well due to some reasons like not wanting to have kids etc. We met only 3 times but talked almost every day – we didn’t knew each other that well yet other than that we had fun chats and I started to get some feelings that I wasn’t ready for. I'm also currently battling an ongoing depression and I abruptly had to end it - she wanted exclusivity and I wasn't ready for that, I hadn't had the guts to speak out about my insecurities .. until we had sex which was a big mistake since it was a big trust thing for her and I’ve been very pushy since I didn’t thought it was a big deal, before the sex we agreed to see eachother more - but the day after i broke down. I was scared and depressed at the same time. I felt that i promised something i couldn't keep. I feel worthless for not realizing how I’ve hurt another person by not being clear of what I want or how i feel. I wanted to stay in touch since I really liked her but couldn’t offer a relationship right now.. but that wasn't an option and since she already had problems trusting guys I feel more like - this wasn't a girl that was used to dating and I had started it all off with the wrong reasons. It's in the same city with some mutual friends. I haven’t been able to forgive myself just yet and feel bad for my actions towards a really nice girl. I did everything after to say how sorry I was and explained my past and how I feel and she seemed to understand but I still feel like , it’s been almost 2 weeks now – I just couldn’t keep being unsure and stay with her for another 3-4 more months and slowly drift away i had an urge to end it after 3 months - it didn’t seem fair since she wanted a relationship and I wasn’t ready to commit yet. I’ve talked to friends and family and everyone says that I should go on and learn something from this but it’s not easy. I have mixed feelings of guilt and that I miss talking to her - but I think that I made the best thing (but not in the best way) of ending it since it would of been harder for both the longer it went on. I still don’t feel ready for a relationship since I want to find myself first. Has anyone gone through something similar and how did you deal with that? How can i forgive myself?
  23. Hey there everyone, I'm new to this and I am really in need of some help and support. I have been with my partner for over 5 years now. It isn't a very healthy relationship, in fact it's been quite toxic. It's a lot of hard work and we fight all the time. He has two kids (18 and 15) and I have four children (7, 10, 12 & 14). We don't fight in front of the children, but it can be tense at times. A lot of our issues are based around my lack of trust for him. And during the times I am feeling vulnerable and I confide in him by telling him things (as partners do)... but later on, he will only use it "as dirt" during a fight to get at me. He says the nastiest and most personal things to me. They are so hurtful and he will bring anything and anyone into it just to get his point across. It hurts so much and to be honest, doesn't sit well with me at all, so much so, I do find it hard to forgive him as it sits in my mind and replays over and over. He also plays rough physically. He pretends he is mucking around but he's really rough and he hurts me. He has been physical before during fights but nothing serious, until last November when he hit me that hard he broke my rib. I didn't want to forgive him but I did. (although I hate myself for doing so) Why you ask? Well, I know this may sound low, but we had already booked a holiday and we had already both paid for it. It was a dream holiday and it was something I had saved so hard for. I couldn't bare the thought of letting my children down once again. So I chose to stick it out to at least after the holiday. However, we are only one week away from the holiday and we are fighting. He is holding my money ransom and won't pay it back. I am an emotional wreck because my kids think we are going away and I don't know what the hell is going on. I just don't know what to do as everything is organised. Please help - what would you do?
  24. Hi all, So I am really working though my emotions since my breakup and two things this has made me realise. I dumped my boyfriend for a combination of reasons not just one (see my posts) to sum it up drugs, lack of efforts, touch of emotional abuse and prioritising friends. The fact all these issues bugged me caused me to nit pick some things and it's only now I realise what I was doing. However, I am really struggling with something at first I wanted my partner back but now even though I loved him dearly (so it seems now) I couldn't even if he wanted to get back with him like I can't allow myself to. 1) in the past I was cheated on so I came into the relationship with some faith and knowledge that I'm not going through my partners phone and becoming that person! So I gave him the benefit of the doubt even when he would be out without calling or phone died or whatever. However one thing I can't get past is I a story he told me about his friends stealing our sex toys and honestly don't know how to forget, forgive or believe the story it's really bad. It put so much doubt in my head given his character that my trust seemed to be broken in him - I realised my Prince Charming wouldn't let his friends steal our sex toys and compromise my trust or my Prince Charming wouldn't use them on someone else and lie to me. It's really messed with me and he didn't offer a full sincere apology so I felt I had to leave the relationship. 2) I know I will never get a full apology now and am just trying to accept what has happened, if he apologised properly and tried to make amends with me instead of cancelling my requests for talks I guess I may have a different view but it feels like I was dragging a dead horse He did still want to see me all the time but I think he just hates being alone - does anyone have advice for my foggy brain
  25. I had a strange feeling that my partner was hiding something from me. He would spend long times on his cellphone and would put it down as soon as I approached him. Because of this I looked through his phone one night and found that he has a porn profile with intimate pics of me. He used images that he would take of me naked, sometimes without my consent, and images form my FB profile to upload them to a porn website pretending to be me. He also had another account where he uploaded videos of his ex getting naked. She sent these to him while they were dating, way before he met me. I confronted him about it and he admitted that he has a porn problem. He asked for forgiveness and he said that he wants to solve his porn issue but doesn’t know where to seek help. He said that regardless if we stay together or not he will solve his problems because he knows he has a problem and he wants to overcome it. He deleted all the content he had on that porn profile in front of me. He also affirmed me that aside from his porn problem he never cheated on my with anyone because he truly and genuinely loves me . I don’t know what to do. Should I forgive him? Should I walk away? I thought our relationship was going well. I know he loves me and I love him too. But I just don’t know if I should forgive him. He broke my trust, he shamed me in front of thousands of online users, he didn’t think or care about the consequences this may bring to me later in my life. Before we started our relationship, I always had doubts about wanting to be with him. He’s not exactly everything that I want in a partner. But I know he is a person of good and honest feelings. I just don’t know how to deal with his porn problem. Should I stick around and work with him through this together? Should I walk away?
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