kdreger
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Everything posted by kdreger
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She didn't touch his penis, she said she "tried" to "flick" it. You don't know the relationship she has with the guy either. She might have know the guy she was joking with for a while. If my girlfriend did that I wouldn't care because I would trust that she was merely goofing around. Just because we're in a relationship with someone we don't turn asexual. If it were a woman flicking another woman's breast would it matter as much?
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Don't get depressed because you're alone right now - this is one moment in your life and doesn't reflect your future or who you are. I've been where you are. It's a matter of choice. Sounds to me as you're associating your lack of connection with other people (friends, women) as related to your sense of worth and thereforeeee your level of confidence. You may feel that your lack of friends reflects your lack of worth. Not so. You can choose the number of friends you have by merely choosing how you spend your time. Many people join clubs and do activities just for human contact and make friends that way. Finally, everyone in life needs an "addiction". Something that defines who they are and gives life meaning. Some people collect things, other people write, paint or work out. You need to find your "thing" as you can't live for other people.
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Relationship Paradox.. hard decisions
kdreger replied to AzurePhoenix's topic in Relationship Advice
There's a lot of possibilities in your writeup. Her control issues can be the result of her childhood (sexual abuse, alcoholic parents etc). She can't help it - it's a form of protecting herself. That said, it's making you miserable. It also sounds as if you're going through a midlife crisis - starting to question your age, physical appearance, and future happiness. You have a few options: 1) Talk to her on how you feel - maybe she feels the same or will understand - communication is important 2) Counselling - get it all out and see what an independent third party says - we can't say much because this is your side of the story - what's hers. 3) Take a break - move out - get some time to youself - see how your relationship goes from there You really need to start getting control of your life to help you feel better about it. It really sounds like you feel that you have no power and no hope. Not a good place to be. You have to regain a sense of identity, power over your life and hope for the future. -
I just wanted to add something: Think about why your g/f told you about it... there's a reason she told you. Does she want a certain reaction or does she honestly not think it a big deal? So far: Overreacting - 1 (man) Not overreacting - 3 (women)
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Your sister needs to dump this guy. This is not a healthy fetish. Look at the basis for the fetish - doing it with women who are not aware. That is paramount to doing it without their permission. Hell, it's close to a fetish of doing it with a corpse. Freak!
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Maybe the problem is that you smother her. I mean, jesus, buddy you're still having great sex, she talks about marriage, shares affection and spends time with you but you're stuck on the fact that she says "you're on a break". It's possible she wants some space to feel like her own person for awhile, I mean she is 21. Maybe she just wants some time to be an independent person before really getting serious. That's actually very smart of her. So many times you hear about people getting married young and then making a break later on. Stop wallowing in self-pity and worrying about "downgrading feelings". If you love her, you love her. If she loves you then she does. Worse thing you can do is over-think this and shoot yourself in the foot. I don't want to see a message in two weeks from you wailing that you gave her an ultimatum because you're too insecure to trust her and you chased her off. Don't screw up a good thing.
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You're overreacting. It's a matter of trust. Do you trust her? If you do, apologize to her and say that you reacted that way because you're a lucky SOB to have her. If you don't trust her, it begs the question: Why don't you? A lack of trust is based on insecurities. It's more about you then her. If she's going to stray - she'll stray no matter what you do or say. If you react like you've done so far you'll make it a bigger deal than it is and ironically push her away and she will stray BECAUSE OF YOU. Better you're cool about it as it implies confidence - jealously just looks pathetic IMHO.
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He's stringing you along. Be realistic - if he really cared would he disappear for periods of time? As well, if this is the beginning, what's he going to be like over the long term. If I had to guess, I'd say you two have slept together and everytime he wants some he comes over and plays you to get the goods. Once he gets what he wants he takes off again.
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Your email is your own answer. You shouldn't care either way.
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Your friend has self-worth issues. He is like the classic bully in the playground, in an attempt to cover their lack of self-worth, they draw attention to someone else's negative aspects. Through this they feel the center of attention, in control of the situation, and better about themselves. Yet, it's a short term solution and, ironically, they feel even worse about themselves after it (as you have seen). Actually, the fact your friend felt bad afterwards is a plus - it means he has a conscience. I suggest you tell him that he is verbally abusive and you do not appreciate how he treats other people - you wouldn't stand for someone treating him like that and you won't stand for him treating people like that. He's a bully and needs to look inside himself to understand why. As well, always remember that people will judge you based on the people you choose to spend your time with.
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What direction your life takes is totally in your control. Complaining or worrying about it is non-productive. A quick solution is change your attitude. Even if you don't feel confident, don't show it. Done wander around all depressed, whinning and complaining. People hate that and will avoid you like the plague - you will be your worst enemy. Connected with this is that obviously you care too much about what people think. EVERYONE is insecure - EVERYONE. Some just fake it better than other people. The easiest way is to love yourself inspite of what other people think. This isn't easy to do. It will take years but you need to start today working with the reasons why you feel the way you do and what you can or can't do about it. Change what you can and accept what you can't. All that said, as an option = Although you have no control over your looks (beyond your hair or contacts, if you have glasses) you have complete control over your physical build. If you want to improve your self-confidence, consider working out (weightlifting etc) to improve your physical appearance. After 6 months to a year, people will start to notice. Anyone, rich or poor, average or good looking, can build their body to a point where they are respected or envied.
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Sure, just put pressure on the prostate gland.
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We broke up, I'm crushed
kdreger replied to Esprit's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
You felt special and now you don't. On some level you liked the attention she gave you. You don't have to be a lesbian to enjoy being with a woman and enjoying her attention. Yet, if you're not serious and she was, it's better off it's "over". -
Need Help ASAP messed up situation
kdreger replied to confusedlady's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
Errr... Two things: 1) It's not your problem he called your name in sex with someone else 2) If you have feelings for your ex you shouldn't be with the other guy until you get over it (honestly, how fair is it to the other guy) You have to work through this and do it *alone*. You're using the other guy and that's hardly fair to him. -
if you can't say it at christmas, when can you?
kdreger replied to hairybda's topic in Dating Advice
I agree. It's all right to tell her she's attractive and be a support base but you're walking a fine line. If anything ever happens, make sure she's the one who instigates it. Anything else and she'll feel uncomfortable and it will go down hill very quickly. -
I agree with Avman. Either she thinks you're not hurting and would get a laugh out of it OR she's insensitive and is trying to hurt you. Either way it was dumb of her. You could always return the favor. Take the gift bag she gave you and go to your local park filling it with dog feces. Leave it on her step with a card saying: "Thinking of you."
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Ask any educated person and they will tell you there are no such things as spells. More likely is that you're insecure. When a good thing happens you question it and punish yourself by driving the person away. Possibly you're afraid of being dumped and so by undermining the relationship you "destroy it before it destroys you". Better that you look at past relationships and try to come to an understanding why you feel this way rather than blame it on something else. It's easier to cast blame but it doesn't solve the problem.
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Feeling ashamed is normal. A lot of people who are abused feel this way, as if it was their fault or that people will look down on them because of it. What you have to remember is that you were a child and the person who did this to you was in a position of trust. You were victimized and you had no control over the situation. It's sad that your mother did nothing and it's important that your Uncle understand what you're going through. You don't have to tell him. Instead, you should talk to a counsellor at school and start to see someone about how you feel. Then get the counsellor to talk to your uncle - that way you don't have to say the words and he will have a chance to help you as well. Don't allow yourself to stay a victim by not coming to terms with this. Unless you do, it will haunt you your entire life until you make peace with it.
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You know although she laughed she probably loved it. I think your response to her laugh was perfect. Next time she might not laugh and instead take it in .
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I agree with dophar. I'm in the 140-150 range and success or failure in life rarely has anything to do with that. Dophar experienced the inadequecy of the school system to appreciate individuality and complex minds - they just churn you out like sausage. It only looks at one aspect of your mind (usually the mathematical). Good if you plan to be in that line of work, not if not. As well, those tests are written by rich white men. If you're non-white, you don't score well.
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Don't feel that one person dumping you defines you as a dumpable person. Did you ever tell you why he "dumped" you? Right now it sounds as if you don't know and you're guessing at it, thinking it was because you were "assertive". What it sounds like to me is that you were merely more into the relationship than him. In time you will see this and be thankful it's over and moving onto someone who's equally passionate about you. The cat and mouse game is a metaphor for a messed up relationship. The idea that our interest is based on how much interest the other person shows us - when they are indifferent we chase them and vice versa. It's merely the sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you want closure. Contact him and ask him why. Tell him that you want to let go and the only way you can is to grow from this and understand what went wrong. He might tell you and it will give you a measure of peace.
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I think your mistake is thinking that your "independence" is the problem. I mean some men might not like it but there's ALOT of men who'd be happy to be with an independent woman. It takes a lot of the pressure off knowing that she can take care of herself. Based on your post, I think you might be a little... intense. You're 24 and you think you're going to die single. Sheesh. Patience. You're solving the weight issue, which I hate to say matters to men. Yet, a lot of men just want someone who's fun. Start going out on the weekend with friends just for the hell of it. Don't go out with the expectations of meeting someone and if you meet someone don't talk to them with the expectations that they're interested in more than friendship. If you date them don't do so with the expectations that they will be a future husband. See the theme here .
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Do you know about Taoism? The basis for the belief is that when you perceive that you are in control you are wrong. Life is like a river. It flows around us. We can move slowly through it but we can't stop it or direct it's flow and it will continue to flow when we are gone. You never take control, people give you control. There's a big difference as people can take that control back. Control is a facade. It's ok to be assertive but it's not ok to be controlling. You cannot control anyone in life, you cannot demand them to act a certain way or expect them to. Each of us is a individual with needs, wants and feelings distinct to each of us. People are complex in that they change and grow. Any relationship needs give and take to survive this growth. Relationships end when one or the other does not allow or accept this growth. It's not a male or female thing either. A person who wants to be controlled or to control is weak. What they really lack is the confidence to stand on their own and say "This is me, love me for who I am." Wisdom is knowing how to tell someone what you want without making them feel as if they have to give up something in themselves to give it to you. Go ahead, tell him that you like him but then back away and give him the opportunity to decide if he wants to return the compliment. Anything else and you are trying to control the situation and you are going to discover most people, even if they like you, will not stand for it.
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define lesbian sex please
kdreger replied to Meanie's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
Sex means many things to many people. Each sexual culture (bi, homo, trans, S&M etc) has their own view of "sex". You appear to be using the term penetration in a hetro context and it can't realistically be used in that context in a different sexual culture. You have to ask the right question with the right mind set and you can't ask a question about one sexual culture with a different sexual culture in mind. It would be like asking a question about black culture based on white culture - it doesn't work. That make any sense? So anyways, what is penetration in the lesbian culture? It depends as like any culture there are varying mindsets within that culture. Where are all the lesbians to answer this question? -
It sounds more like a fear of being hurt or her not being interested. Since you're in reality and know that you don't truly love her then that's a good start. As I mentioned, the best way to approach it is without the expectation that you're going to get anywhere. It's important that you have that sort of attitude as it will show in your body language and you won't scare her off. The worst thing you can do is get too intense too quickly - it's just too much pressure. If you fear asking her straight out or expect you won't be successful, try to approach her from a friendship angle. If it's meant to be (as in if she finds you attractive too) then it's meant to be. Final note: Don't let it get out of hand by fantasizing or punishing her if she's not interested. Remember, she has friends and those friends are potential dates. Worst case, you increase your circle of dateable friends.