toddb

So...this saga continues...Sunday, after we had talked about this kissing the guy thing, this I love you and how her actions went down, this is how it went: We started talking about this guy and how in my mind he's the total opposite of me. I go "hey, this guy may be bigger, taller, faster, but ya know, I kick his ass in every other area except for those three. Every other area. I KNOW THAT I'M ONE OF THE BEST OUT THERE for guys to date, I know it. There is no best as thats different for each person but K(my girl) I am one of the best. (she smiled a lot a lot when I said that). And maybe it'll take u seeing me w/ another girl, maybe it'll take u seeing me kiss or hear about me go out to a restaurant(that is K's favorite) with another girl. Maybe it'll take you hearing about me stayin over at another girls house till the wee hours of the morning. (at this point she's balling her eyes out). But I dont want that other girl. I want you(smile by her). But K, I think u are afraid, I think u are afraid of how yoru ex (from three years ago but still talk or whatever cause they grew up together) treated u and how u are afraid that how u got cheated on will happen again. So I dont think u give me enough credit. I think u are petrified that what he did to you, how bad he hurt you, will happen again. I think u are so so so afraid that u cant give half as much as what u can or want to because you hold back. Because you cant give it yuor all because u still hold onto this fear. She's BALLING, I MEAN BALLING HER EYES OUT at this point. I havent see her act this sad since we broke up for the first time in July. After she calmed down she goes "You're totally right. I am so so so afraid that I"m gonna get hurt again. Whenever I've even gotten close to you, I've pushed myself away. I did it in July because I was so close, and I'm doing it now because I got close to you...you didnt get as close to me as I was to you(which is good in my book...let her wonder!) and I got scared beause my feelings for you are so strong, are so real. Todd ever since then I havent given 150% of me to anything. When him and I were dating, it was cake. I gave him everything. I gave him everything I had. And he burnt it. He burned it up. And it hurt me so so so much. So much. So i havent given you, or school (even though she is a 3.8 student) half as much effort as I did in the past. You're right Todd, I havent been able to let go of that fear. But I want to. I'm afraid of how strong I feel for you. Its sorta scary to me. But its so good. And feels so good. I havent felt this way about a guy since him and now I"m pushing myself away and its so stupid and this is a huge reason why i'm doing what i'm doing..." I then tell her that now its time to let go of those feelings, to stand up to this dude(i used other choice words) and to let you be you K. I told her that I would help her when I could, I would hold her hand, but she would have to walk through that door to take care of it. Told her I would support her through it and help her work her way through it." She goes "Todd Ive cared about u ever since we broke up, that never changed. I care about you so much. So much in the BEST way. I dont want to lose you. But yes, I'm pushing myself away." So skip ahead to last night...calls me while i'm at funeral, I call her back obviously and she's upset, i can tell. So i was on my way up to school for the evening to load the rest of my stuff and to pick up a Christmas present for my bro and asked her if she wanted me to call when I got into town...she was an energetic "yeah yeah do that." So I did, she was stoked to hear from me, and she asked me if i wanted to go to Best Buy with her. I said yeah, I was goign there anyways. So I walk in the door, and she runs up to me, gives me this huge hug and kiss on the cheeks and on the lips and we hold each other for like five mins. We then gather up our stuff, go to Best Buy And Borders BookStore. Inside Best Buy, I let her do her thing, keep my distance to a degree, and she comes up behind me and hugs me. In borders she's really distant, weirdly so, and I ask her "whats the deal?" And she goes "just thinkin.." and I go "about me?" with a smile on my face and she goes "yeah...really good things." So we leave, go get dinner, go to Target where she hugs me in the aisle and goes "you are soooo cute" We then go back to her place, where she gives me a Christmas card that "only I can read, nobody else" as she says it. So I say sure, we kiss, a long hard kiss and then a kiss where it lingers long enough...but she cuts it off to make ya wonder...one of those sorta dang good but oh so close to being great but then she cuts it off sorta kisses... And here I am now.

Interesting point...I guess I didnt finish my story. So we are not in a committed relationship...true. Which sucks from my point of view. And YES I know that she is very very attractive, and my actions (actuallly only one of them) were out of spite...that comment. But it was a good one. She's playing the game...she's playing me for a fool. Why? Because Sunday when we talked for six hours...she told me that yes, she has kissed this guy, yes, she has hung out w/ him the past four nights instead of me, and yes, it is fun, but no, she does not want to be in a relationship with him(or so she says). So thats why I may come off as jealous and insecure...wouldnt you be too If your girl had said "I love you but I kissed and made out with another guy." ????? Sorry if that was blunt but thats how I see it....just wondering what to do? I can play the game, thats not hard, but is it worth it to live in limbo? I gotta be strong I know that but how is one supposed to move forward(as she told me she wants me to, in terms of her feeligns, she goes I want you to love me as much as I love you, and when I know that, that will change everything about all this) when she's dating/going out with other guys instead of me? I guess it does come down to how much stock to put into the "I Love You" is what my big thing is...those are huge words I dont take lightly at all. I told her that "when You love somebody, you want to be with them, hold them, kiss them, and not think of anybody else right?" and she goes "yeah, but being 21 doesnt work with that." Uggghh now I hope u all see a lil more and a lil more... Bummed T

So I had huge tests this past week(it was finals week) and she was done Wednesday. AFter that talk Sunday night, we barely spoke save for an hour monday night and some on Tuesday. She calls wednesday, and calls me thursday to wish me good luck on my final on Thursay. She tells me that she's getting wasted Thursday night cause its the end of the semester. I said thats awesome, have fun, cause I have a huge huge test Friday morning. We're supposed to go to something Saturday night, something she's told me about for over a month, but she wont tell me what. I saw "wedding" on her calendar but she woouldnt ever tell me what was going on. So here goes.... Thursday night, go over to her place at 5AM to talk about some things her friend had just told me on the phone: such as she's dating this other guy, I deserve better than both my girl and this friend, and that my girls a player. Well I go over there, get that all straightened out (she hasnt been on dates) and then she drops this: Todd U are the best guy...and goes on to list 10-15 things that "I love about you Todd, that I lvoe that you do, that drives me so so so crazy!" She then stands me up and goes "TODD, I LOVE YOU." eye to eye. Face to face. Lip to Lip. She then goes "Todd, I want to be with you...I dont think u get it, I want to be with you for a really really long time" And then she goes "I dont want to be in a relationship with anybody else but you." BUT!!!! She goes "I want to be 21 still, I just turned it this summer, and even though I'm a senior, I"m still 21 yrs old. I want to live and do all this stuff....I guess I just need time, and its so stupid! Because I love everythign about you, I love you! But this is so dumb and I dont know why I'm feeling this way." So we went on and talked about how I'm not just gonna wait around, or be the fifth speed dialer on her phone to call for guys, and Loving a person means they want to be with them, want to hold them, and nobody else! And she's like I KNOW I KNOW, AND I DONT WANT TO BE WITH ANYBODY ELSE...BUT...BUT...and I go "but u still want to go out on dates and stuff?" And she didnt answer. Went to take my test, w/ my mind on other matters, go back over there crash w/ her for a while friday, went to referee friday night, never saw her out, she never called me, etc. Heard she was out w/ friends and w/ this one guy "Franny" (thats his name) that my girls' friends told me she was seeing/talking to whatever. Saturday, its 8PM, and I went home to get my dress slacks. She doesnt call me till 830, tells me that "I guess we couldnt take guests to the wedding or the reception(which is so much BS at least for the Reception!) and asks "what are you doing tomorrow?" ALL THIS AFTER SHE HAD ALL BUT PROMISED WE WOULD SEE EACH OTHER THAT NIGHT! GRRRRRRR! Well so I went skiing at a nearby ski area that was open late till 1AM, did some huge tricks and conquered one of my fears of this trick I've been trying for a really long time, and finally did the trick so I was pumped. So so so pumped. WEll she calls me, tells me she's going to this bar, tells me what time, and pretty much thats inviting me to go there (she goes I hope I see ya later). So I go there, after skiing around 1215AM, and I see her there. Walk up to her give her ak iss on the cheek and I could tell she doesnt like it. I see this franny dude(he's 6'4, bigger than I am...I'm 6'1, thin, but athletic and skier and stuff) so pretty much he's everything I'm not. So i ask her to dance, she goes I dont know, maybe after she gets back from the bathroom...so she's walkin out, and I'm ballsy that night cause I'm so pumped and I go "hey babe, what are you going to do now that there are two guys, in the same place that you are, that both like you an d want you, but one of them u told u loved them two nights ago. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?" Well she hated that, got all pissed, i tried putting my hands on her hips to talk to her and she knocked them away, so I just went out ont he dance floor and had fun(as much as I could) I kept watch over her sorta, & she hugged this guy I saw, and that hurt a lot. So after all this, I went up to her and asked if she was alright, she said no, said we definitely have to talk and see each other tomorrow(Sunday) I said yes definitely, but I am even down for talking tonight. She goes no, I"m just gonna go home I think. So i go to the gas station, get my pop, and am driving away and she's on the phone w/ PROBABLY this franny dude w/ this huge smile on her face and I am just raging mad and sad and upset and I just smile and wave and drive away.... WHAT IN SAM BLAZES IS GOING ON? THIS IS ALL SO RETARDED! AND I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING PLAYED WITH TO THE T! BUT IF I WALK AWAY I'M THROWING AWAY HER LOVE IN HER MIND, BUT DA** IT I CATN JUST BE IN LIMBO! DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO W/ NOT SETTING RULES? SHE GOES ''WE'VE NEVER BEEN EXCLUSIVE" AND I'M LIKE 'UH WE HAVE BEEN DATING EACH OTHER FOR TWO MONTHS' AND SHE GOES 'I KNOW, BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN WE'RE EXCLUSIVE...' GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WHAT AM I TO DO? TO THINK? TO ACT LIKE? TO BE???? ANYTHING!! I'll finish my Sunday after people respond to this... Lost & Stranded on Love's Island in....Iowa Todd

Gotcha.....so is this truly just a "warning" or are these walking papers? My buddies say dump her a** and make her realize what she's missing out on...but I guess I know I've probably given a bit too much, a bit too soon. So Its my fault...so what are these? Walking papers, or simply "hey Todd get your head out of your a** and realize that I want to want u as much as u want me but u gotta let me do that..." ANY TAKES?

from enotalone.com: Well thanks for the congrats on the 4th quarter Comeback...But its the 2 Min Warning and i'm in trouble... After doing what I needed to do, had the "talk" with her about stuff, we didnt put a "label" on things due to...well she didnt want to, and personally, whats the rush? So we didnt, but we did agree it was a relationship. We talked about "how she wants to do things for me, take care of me, and that hasnt happened in a really long time. I want to make u happy, I want to do things for you that are not expected." So We were doing things bf/gf do, having fun, getting our sh** done at school, and doing our thing. Our weekends were normally spent out and usually ended up together at the end of the night, if not spent the entire night together. Now, after Thanksgiving, after she wanted to see me Thanksgiving and the day after, but only could the day after, we spent all night w/ each other and had a blast, had a great time, totally. Well in the three weeks since then, I've stood up to her actions in the bar(out of line for having a guy she's dating) and crashed at her place quite a bit. We've made out, gotten a lil freaky ;-) and had and done the bf/gf things that we do. In reality, this is month 8 of our relationship, not just month two due to the fact that we're ex'es but now back together. WELL...Friday she had a job interview. She called me three times to let me know it went great, to ask where a good place to eat lunch was at (really just to talk) and AGAIN on the ride back up to School just to "talk and say Hi cause she's in a really good mood" as she put it. So saturday she was sorta sick, and I was over for a while and asked her if she wanted me to come back over later after I went otu to a buddy's graduation party. She said "no, do u mind if I have some alone time tonight?" And I said "sure, thats awesome." So earlier that night She said she "forgot" that we were going to the Nutcracker(she just said it slipped her mind for a sec cause it was dead week and so much stuff is/was going on and cause she had a heacache)So on Sunday I took her to the Nutcracker. We had a great time, but I could tell something was on her mind. So we went to Perkins afterwards and had a bite to eat and started talking. This is how it went: My girl: "One of the things I love about you is how you care so much, and do so much, above whats expected, for those that you care about the most. However, when you do that ALL THE TIME, they are wonderful, and great, and from cookin me pancakes to getting me nyquil if I have a cold, its awesome. However, because its there all the time, BUT I LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU, It takes away some of the surprise, and the fun out of it. I see us STARTING TO GO DOWN THE ROAD WE WENT DOWN THIS SUMMER AND I DONT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN." Me: "So are you closing the door on me or what? Cause if you are, well then..." My Girl: (CRYING IN PERKINS) "NO NO NO, I'm not at all, You are though arent you?" Me: "No, no no no, I'm not at all." My Girl: "(sighs with a smile) Ok(hug and kiss)...I'm just saying that I still want to do the things for you, the door has not closed, I am just lookin' at it a lil differently because I know that if i do something great and fun for you, that you'll do it back, and try and do it better than what I did. Todd, I love what you do and how u do it, I just want to make it as much fun as it was a month ago. It doesnt have to be ALL THE TIME THAT U DO THESE THINGS, you know? It doesnt have to be that lil extra every time because you're so good at it without trying in the first place. SO CONSIDER THIS A WARNING THAT I AM/WAS SEEING US GO DOWN THE PATH THAT WE WENT DOWN THIS SUMMER, AND I DONT WANT IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN. " Me: "So you're sayin this cause u dont want this to happen again, cause u care and cause u want to do what we've done in the past, hang out, spend all weekend together, or just go to the movies and be alone in the woods or whatever, again?" My Girl: "yeah, yes totally. This is just a warning as that I dont need u to make 110% of my life happy, even though u do try and its so good. I love that about you! But I'm pretty good at making my life outside of us happy as well. In a relationship, people are on their own and do things together as well, and both make each other happy." Me: "So this is finals week, and I was gonna give you your time and space anyways, and this will just add a diff twist to this all...Its doable, and I will do it to make myself happy, and it makes yourself happy as well. And as long as u trust in me that I will do that, then its all good" My Girl: "Yeah I know, I do trust you, I do know that u will do it. Space is good and I am just worried that you're gonna fly off the deep end or something...(worried look in her eyes) (long kissing, holding each other, lots of hugging) Your eyes todd...they look sad" me: "Well yeah they are a lil, you're tellin me that what I do is too much and that who I am is...is not exactly whats needed. But I guess I am going to thank u for bringing this up because if this is just a warning,and I"m trusting in u that it is, then its just in time and it will be taken care of." Me: "I"m not gonna fly off the deep end, or try and do back flips on my skis, or go sky diving w/ no parachute...THIS IS NOT THAT COMPLICATED and you're just going to have to trust in ME that I will take care of this AND GIVE YOU YOUR SPACE and not go too far too fast." My Girl: "Todd, I want to care about you as much as you care about me, I want to do the things for you that you do for me. I really do want to do that." We hug, kiss, say goodbye and go from there. SO I'M PISSED AT MYSELF THAT I'VE PUT MYSELF IN THIS SITUATION AGAIN. So i asked her what to do during finals week and she goes "WELL PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP(AGAIN ANOTHER OBVIOUS MENTION OF US AS A COUPLE) would call and ask about how it went, how the projects were going, whats going on, and care. Just dont be a di** Todd, I know its not you, and it hurts when you are one. Me: "I know, I wont be one, but I'm gonna give the space and time WE NEED to get our stuff done" and we hugged, kissed and then left. she gave up getting her final project done on time monday to tell me all this and talk to me about this and THATS HUGE ya know? Called her monday night(she had tons of stuff due) and we talked for an hour and she goes "well u can call me on the walk back from the library" Well i called her after I was back for 10mins, and left it at that. She IM's e before she goes to bed and goes "Todd, i'm off to bed but just want to say I'm thinking about you. g'night" yesterday she im's me asks how my tests went, i im her back and tell her well and i'm tired and what not, we talk for an hour, and at the end after I go "i oughta get going to study" she goes "WELL CAN YOU STOP BY LATER?" and I'm like "well if i dont go to late, yeah I can do that." Keeping it vague and mysterious and all... so i stop by, not planning on staying the night and we hang out, she bundles up in my fleece, falls asleep for a few, talk about her project due, and I kiss her once, on the forehead, and thats it. I get my coat to leave, and she goes "thanks for stopping by" comes up and BARELY BARELY kisses me on the side of the cheek...and i give her a lil salute(its an inside thing) and I say "good luck with your stuff and have a good night" NO KISS BACK FROM ME, NOTHING. So here I am, and have NO IDEA what to do. I'm supposed to go to a wedding w/ her this Saturday (she asked me to go with her three weeks ago) And that went from an all day affair to simply at night("I just really want to see u that night, and see u all dressed up" she said). SO.........you've been my personal coach, and I could use a LOT of this in the last two mins of this Game. I want this girl so badly, so so so badly, and I'm afraid I already ruined it, although she said 'its just a warning." SO WHAT DO I DO, HOW DO I DO IT, WHAT DO I ACT LIKE(she's going out to the bars tonight in celebration of being done) AND ahhh... In need of A LOT OF COACHING AS I'M A ROOKIE IN THE SUPERBOWL... Todd

Good Ideas...definitely good ideas... Lets fill ya'll in w/ some more info Went over there last night after studying around midnight...she hugged me when I walked in the door, and I ended up helpin her out w/ her project due today. We ended up walking to the gas station to get some pop (it was 2AM) and both her and I had to study and finish up some stuff. Upon returning, we're just chillin and we're "gazing into each other's eyes" and she goes "I really really like being with you." And she snuggle up against me and we kissed really "hard" and knowing and then went back to work sorta... After that we're just chillin after studying and I go "ya know, I really liked how u referred to you and I as "us" or as "T & K" together" I really LIked it." And then later I said something to the effect of "well you are my girl so I do have to watch out for ya and make sure that you're safe and happy." Well she gets a smile, almost Mona-Lisa'ish on her face and doesnt really say much...so I'm left hanging. Well we finally went to bed around 4AM and she goes "Does It feel weird to you sleeping with me?" AND I'M DUMBFOUNDED, plus really tired so I gave her my honest answer "no." And then I go "weird is definitely not the word I would use to describe it." So we went to sleep, and I wake up early to go study some more and she kisses me twice on the cheek(now this is after two hours of sleep) and...here I am.... any suggestions as to what in sam blazes is going on???? Thanks T

I agree with both of your posts, and you're right, this relationship does need a name...but lets see...we hooked up on Nov 1, its now dec 1...and we've crashed at each other's places, been shoppin for Christmas presents w/ her mom and her brother, we've done the making out and the gropin and all that stuff....is it time to give it a name, or to give it another week? Also, I would like for her to bring up the "naming" relationship thing...I dont wanna rush thing, however, it seems that she almost wants me to bring it up...but there is always that " challenge" thing that girls DIG. So...as BEEC stated, how to state what I need to say w/out being too vulnerable...and you're right BEEC, I dont want her if she wont meet those standards. So...those two questions (is it time to give it a name?) and separate, but connected w/ that is, how do i bring up the "rules" w/out being too vulnerable(BEEC) and w/out using such words as "rules, bylaws, standards..."etc cause this is not a baseball game...its a game yes for sure, but a game w here threats(as in if u wont meet this then i wont see you) while I agree is IMPLIED...you all knokw that cant be said...girls hate threats! I"m not asking for SPECIFICS as to what to say, but some good starters after I saw "well i was thinking about wha tyou said the other day, you goof...and I know that you wouldnt say it if u werent halfway serious about it..." and THEN WHAT DO I SAY FROM THERE? Not confused about how I feel, or how she feels...but where do I go from here.... T

Well I've gotten back together with my ex gf...but we have not had yet the "talk" about being bf and gf again, even though she's referred to "her and I together" or "me and you together" again and again... Well the other day she busts out "why dont u get mad at me so we can make up?" Well I understand how girls like to make up( i mean who doesnt like make up sex!) and I also somewhat understand the concept of being " a dude" or "manly" by showing anger when its warranted. Now whats thrown me for a loop is where did this come from, and is this a way of a girl saying "set guidelines, set rules or else!" I will fight when I feel its warranted, and I feel that good arguments and "fights" are CRUCIAL to a relationship, as long as there is something behind it, and not just fighting to fight. But the situation has arisen, and will in the future, where a guy, one in particular, has and is being "forced" upon my girl by one of her friends, but not her best friend. And my girl hasnt well...been very good towards me when it comes to that, but that was a few weeks ago, just right when we were "starting to talk." So I couldnt say much at all, but what I did say is "i'm not gonna lose u to this guy, and I trust that u will do the right thing." Well, on top of that, and what my girl has told me about "making up", I get word from her best friend that "your girl wants you to set rules, to set guidelines, either that, or she's gonna do whatever she wants." SO....HOW DO I BRING IT UP? WHAT DO I SAY TO BRING ALL THIS UP! and how do I set "rules" when we havent had the talk? I've rationalized that by making "rules" but by not using that word, it will IMPLY that we are a "thing" (something she has already done) and thus will allow our relationship to progress at a good rate, and be solid in the future. And I would like to bring up that something that happened two weeks ago to use as an "example" but i'm afraid that that would doom that conversation by not leaving things in the past...in the past( i did get mildly mad then...but I wouldnt get mad at her now because of it cause its happened). so that all comes back to, how/what do I say to make rules by not using the words such as "rules, guidelines, baselines, if u do this then this well happen." Everybody Knows I cant use those words, and also dudes in the know, know that they cant ever bring up "How is this relationship going" because it will look too needy, too much like we're pushing...and you ladies out there know how much it sucks to be pushed!. So....I'm in need of some help! And Quickly.... T

after the long must needed vacation to colorado(and getting snowed on and almost hit by lightning!) I am back Driving back from the mall last night, and LOW AND BEHOLD my ex called me on the way back from the Twin Cities. WE havent talked in over a week and a half....Of course she only calls me when she has time(and probably exhausted her other friends to talk to) so WHY DID SHE CALL? I dont wanna be friends with her, so how do I let her know that I dont want to be friends with her and ONLY want to talk to her if she wants to get back with me? I understand that that may not happen right away, IF AT ALL(which is fine!) but I dont want to be TOO blunt and push her away IF she's thinking about coming back to me...but thats only if she's willing to work for me back, not the other way around. I've already moved on so to speak and fell for another girl(but it was in colorado so like it matters!) but still...I know i'm capable of pulling wool so to speak

what about an enticement? Tell her on friday night that "hey, if you want to pick up your money, stop by in my hometown and I can give it to ya..." OR SHOULD I MAKE HER ASK ME IF SHE CAN STOP? just a thought... toddb

Personally, its a lot easier to not be friends w/ an ex and THEN get back together, rather than being w/ them all the time. MAYBE she really is confused and has no idea what she wants...that could explain her being flirty and telling u a week ago that she didnt think of u in the same way anymore(read my post, SAM Blazes) and you'll udnerstand what I'm going through when it comes to that. But on her flirting...go with it, but keep it fun. I would say though, that in my experience, she wanted u/dated u in the first place NOT because u were friends first, right? At least thats how it works w/ me and most of my boys...I think its really hard for a girl to go from a friend to a boyfriend in a few beats...so my advice is to STOP hanging out w/ her so much, and see if she starts to call you...maybe that'll be a first step to getting back with her and goin from there... IF SHE DOESNT CALL and u stop hanging out w/ her, for one, it doesnt mean that a friendship is gone(we are all very busy ;-) ;-) ) and two, it makes it easier for u to get over her as you're not seeing her and three, there are others out there(go out to the bar/different schools/differnt friends) and see WHAT OTHER girls out there offer. If u stop hanging out as much w/ her and she doesnt call, and the next time u two do see each other and she asks "why havent u been hangin out w/ me? " U can say "well I've been really busy working out/pumpin iron/going out on other dates/having fun/finding myself and what I want/or just spending time with other friends I havent seen in a while..." SHOWS THAT YOU'RE PROACTIVE, YOU'RE NOT LETTING THIS GET U DOWN, (even though it may be...a lil acting never hurt anybody!) and that you do have a life outside of her... thats my take. T

Well…she called yesterday around 5 o’clock my time. I had honestly forgotten what her “ring” on my cell phone sounded like it had been so long we were talking about our jobs, talking about what she had done in the past few days, talked about how her time in Cleveland had/was dwindling really quickly, and had a really good conversation. I never once brought up us, or me and her, or us as a couple…nothing! We talked about me going on my vacation out west, on seeing Nelly and O.A.R in concert here this week, and we talked about her having fun and stuff. Asked her about her birthday, “if she had a good time?” NOT “what did you do” … to me that is less intrusive and more conversationalist So we talked about all that stuff for a while, and talked about working out and school starting and a little tailgating/college football talk…also about her trip to Cedar Pt Amusement park and how much fun this one roller coaster was...just relaly good convo... So after about 20 mins of GOOD conversation…just fun and light and I could tell she wasn’t liking it that I was bettering myself and doin all this fun stuff w/out her and w/out second thoughts of her(even though I am and think bout her all the time!) and goin to Colorado and stuff w/ my cousin and HER friends(aka girls) And then she goes “I have some bad news to tell you.” I’m thinking “I cant get anymore bad news from you girl, u broke up w/ me…what is it?” I must not have reacted the way she wanted and she goes again “I have some really really bad news to tell you…I haven’t even told my parents yet,” To get my attention. I’m thinking “If somebody died, u would be crying, if something bad happened, you would be crying…has to be one thing….MONEY” So she goes “I got three more phone bill charges on my credit card today from Italy(from her calling me!!! To her benefit she had no idea how much they would be, but SHE called ME! Plus, I HAD OFFERED to pay some of it WHILE we were together…BUT NOW LOOK, WE ARE BROKEN UP…AKA NO OBLIGATIONS! Not to mention I've driven three times to see her, dropped numerous amts of money on phone cards while she was in Italy and cell bills!) And they totaled $150.00(her charges) I knew what she was goin to ask, and she didn’t get the nerve to ask it right away because I KNEW that she wanted me to pay some of them just by her tone of voice…so we talked about how much BS it was, how expensive it was and what a rip…and I was NOT going to say “well…I’ll help u take care of some of it…”I MADE HER ask me…AND SHE DID!!! She goes “I know you’re going on your vacation(grrrrr she had the nerve to ask me to take away some of my vacation money!) but I was wondering IF YOU COULD THROW IN 10, 20, MAYBE A LITTLE MORE MONEY to help me cover my phone costs cause I’m paying rent for my apartment for a month and for my school apartment for a month…and I haven’t gotten my loan yet…” I WAS ENFURIATED!!!!!!!!!!! I go “I’ll see what I can do about it.” After that, we talked for another 10mins, asked her what was new, whatever(I was boiling inside! And wanted to ask her “is this why u called me to ask for money?) But I didn’t. So w/ all this, we talked more about her job and I heard her getting ready and she goes “well…I have to go to my kickboxing thing soon so…” I go “well I’ll let u go then, so have fun getting all hot and sweaty and working out…” and she got sad. Really sad on the phone. I could hear it in her voice and in her actions and demeanor. It hurt to hear her sad actually. And I don’t know if its from what I’ve said or whatever…but she goes “ok…” and I go “well I’ll tal to u later this week or something maybe, after Colorado or whatever…” and she goes “ok…yeah…” perked up a bit, we said our goodbyes…and hung up...I dont like her sad, and the fact is my feelings for her are still pretty strong(albeit a lot pissed right now but the inner stuff is still there... thats a sad and happy face at the same time) Two theories on the money thing: 1: She took a MAJOR hit in pride because I’m not calling her and groveling at her feet like how of her other ex’s have been and STILL ARE and I’m standing out from that crowd! nd maybe a lil bit asked me to give up some dinero because her pride is so low BUT it takes A LOT of a person to ASK A RECENTLY BROKEN UP EX to borrow money…maybe someway trying to get back with me? 2: Wanting to see how deep her claws are still in me, and seeing if I’ll “come back” to her and see once she gets me back IF she STILL WANTS ME…well toddb IS NOT playing that game! So now what do I do? Besides the stuff I’ve mentioned in the other posts, the other day she was at Cedar Point Amusement park and they have those signs w/ names on them…u know, little license plates? Well her name and my name ARE NEVER on those signs…NEVER EVER and she even told her best friend that…WELL GUESS WHO’S NAMES WERE BY EACH OTHER, AND OUT AND IN THE OPEN? As well as the only ones left!! MINE AND HER’S right NEXT to each other. My ex called her best friend all “beside herself” as my ex said and told her “what does this mean? What is God trying to tell me? What the hell is going on?” All the friend did was go “maybe u oughta think about somethings that you’ve done in the past..” & so she calls me two days later and tells me this…excuse to call or begging? I’m spent. Help.

Alright lets get pro-active, NOT retroactive What do I want? What do I need to do to get what I want? She's going to have to win my heart back, and its going to take time...I know ONLY MYSELF can determine what that is... but, what SHOULD I NOT DO? You say play off my true emotions...to me, that means dont show them...to others, play off means to expand on those feelings and emotions...mine throwing me a bone here? T

Well its monday, so here goes.... nothing happened over the weekend, but questions came up nonetheless...AND I remembered a few things....first off is when her best friend was in cleveland, my ex made a point of showing her friend where I took her out to eat, and talked about how much fun, how nice and fancy it was...also talked about how much fun she had when i was there... 1--What to do/say when she calls, ESPECIALLY if she brings up the relationship? 2--How do I remain the three C's (cool, calm, collected) when/if she does call? 3--IF she asks for me back, whether now or at the end of august(again big IF!) how do I retain my sense of "mystery" yet still show her that I want her back(IF I DO AT THAT POINT!) 4--do i tell her how bad she hurt me the next time we talk "seriously" aka at the start of school? 5--What to do if she asks to "see" me when she drives through on her way back home? Assuming I do accept that she stops...how do I act, what do I say(obviously she wants to see me if she's asking) I'm only asking somewhat positives because I already have the "negatives" worked out---AKA MOVE ON LIKE I AM AND KEEP A SMILE ON MY MELON AND MY SHOULDERS BACK AND have fun and check out all the dam fine ladies out there t

well her friend got back today from Cleveland, and I picked her up at the airport. INSTANTLY her friend brings up how "they met some guys in the airport and they took my ex and her friend out w/ some of my ex's other friends and bought EVERYTHING...drinks, etc." She goes on to tell me how much fun they had that night and everything....I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU... BUT I SMELLED A TRAP! So I played it cool, played it off, didnt say anything, didnt get pissed...just asked if they had fun and stuff...her friend said yeah, they had a lot of fun. I said cool, sweet, thats awesome... Well her friend goes on and tells me how "i didnt think u would ask, but yes, she still does have your pics up in her room and in her office. and when I saw your CSU sweatshirt you gave her(my fav FAV sweatshirt I gave her before Italy to wear..and to Cleveland I let her borrow it too...it meant A LOT A LOT for me to give that up! and when I was there this past weekend I took away my CSU t shirt cause we broke up, but left the sweatshirt to make her look at and think about what she's giving up!). So her friend goes "yeah, i saw your CSU sweatshirt sitting out(meaning she had been wearing it and/or cuddling with it) & I asked her wow, u still have that. My ex said excitedly yea, she did, but then sadly goes "but he took his csu t shirt back and that sucks." So...that made me chuckle a bit, we talked more about the trip, asked her if my ex had said anything about me callin her on her birthday, (she said yes my ex did mention it out of the blue) and then we talked about the birthday and all that jazz... I kept it cool, and just said thats so awesome u had a good time, blah blah blah. I then told my ex's friend that "i was hoding my breath mon and tuesday...but from wednesday on, I cant, and I wont, because if she chooses to come back to me, SWEET, RIGHT ON, FRIGGIN AWESOME...all she has to do IS WALK accross THE BRIDGE HERSELF...but if she doesnt, life goes on, I live it awesomely and have the most fun and will be totally alright." then told her how i went to the college town we live in last night, and am going out again tonight(i'm sure her friend will say all that to my ex...) so I dont want to come off as a pu**y whipped dude...good or bad? We got to her friends place, dropped her off, and go "did my ex mention anything else bout me?" Her friend goes "yeah...she said u were a cool guy." I go "yeah duh..." and she goes "Well that was a given already then." and that was it. so now....any analysis onwhat to do next? the friend isnt talking, my ex isnt talking, I'm obviously not calling my ex....what to do? what to do w/ the friend? Thanks for everybody pulling for me! It means a lot that people actully give two s**ts that we get back together....thanks so much for the advice and keep it coming!