I dont expect you to read the whole thing, just tell me if its too harsh or not harsh enough. Advice would also be helpful. Thanks in advance.
Dear Mama,
I remember several years ago, when we were still in Tucson, I saw on the computer a different email address and when I asked you about it, you said that you "just wanted another email address".
I now realize you were lying.
I want you to be happy, but I also want Daddy to be happy. How could you do this to him?
I bet you're wondering how i found out about this. Well, I also saw that you had another email address from typing in a c into any email address text box (Internet Explorer records what you type in to those boxes so if you go there again, it is faster for you). Well, I was suspicious, because I reasond that the only reason for you to have another email address is if you wanted to hide something from Daddy.
But the final straw happened by pure accident. I remembered you talking to your "friend" in Rochester over AOL. A few months ago (almost 6) I installed a AOL addon called DeadAIM. That program has many features, such as ad removal. But the most interesting feature is logging. It records every conversation occurring on my computer. I was wondering what you had to say about me, so I went and read your conversations with you "friend".
I was appalled. I thought I could trust you.
You've been sneaking off to see this man havent you? Your constant "hair appointments" are really just a coverup. I was wondering how you could spend 4 hours getting your hair dyed.
But for now, lets return to the AOL logs.
On 5/4, I read this:
VLMDragon (9:33:14 PM): Yes, trapped at home with my family around, so not a good chance to talk
arepamama (9:33:25 PM): oh well
YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? It goes against everything you ever taught me.
That same day, you said this:
arepamama (9:45:09 PM): so I shall ponder and ask my therapist your question
You're going to a therapist. Nothing wrong with that, but what you really need is a marriage councellor.
Again from that day:
VLMDragon (9:53:45 PM): Suppose you had to tell you dad that I was in a business way out of field, that made me very little money, left me frustrated & disatisfied, but I was planning to find a new job, but had not yet filed a resume...what would Robert Londono think of Michael Mellish under such circumstances ???
So now I know his name. And, from fleeting glances of your email screen, I saw several messages with the Initials M. M.
If we go back to 4/4, I read this:
VLMDragon (9:38:22 PM): is that either these guys, or the ones in Charlottesville may be my only hope for quick re-employment
So your having an affair with a married man WHO HAS NO JOB? What are you thinking?
Again that day:
arepamama (9:55:03 PM): but he seems to like you..........or be concerned about your health and your impact on your new relationship (that is me).....is this real?
As if it wasnt already bad enough, HE HAS MEDICAL PROBLEMS! Even since we were little, you told me and my sister: make sure that before you get interested in a person make sure they have no medical problems.
Again more badness:
VLMDragon (10:56:32 PM): Should you want to understand, we can make a tour during Rochester
So you went to Rochester to meet HIM, or was that just a great side effect
Two days before that:
arepamama (10:41:59 PM): so I am wound up..........we got home close to 8pm.......the kids were so good....did not call us, figured we were still in the meeting......ate dinner, stuff....and since itis a warm night.....they took out the telescope to the backyard and were looking up into the sky......it was wonderful to see them......together.......sharing.........they were very curious to learn about how it went......and supporting us......
So what WERE you doing? (You dont have to answer) on the other hand, you may have still been in the meeting, your wording is hard to understand.
3/29:
arepamama (10:33:36 AM): may be going out tonight.......as in an excuse for me......so maybe I can call you
Ahh... now i understand, you only go out so often so you can call him. But how do you do it? A pay phone? A secret cell phone?
3/20:
arepamama (10:14:33 PM): you as the wrong person ........because your intentions and mine is to be married to you later on............but you may get scared about me......and my mental capability and strenght.......or personality if you keep hearing my current situation........as it is you are good at mimicking David......
Ahh yes, always working to redemm yourself... NOT! So you have no love for your husband, only for this thing who none of us know.
3/20:
arepamama (10:18:01 PM): i have decided that this relationship just does not make sense.........and yet.......I am trying to get to a position that I can get out without guilt........this does not mean that I am looking for a fight.....I am trying to be well balanced .......so when I say this is it..........it is.......I wont look back.......even if I have the kids........and also accept rejection, if temporary, from them
Oh, so you CAN feel guilt. I was beginning to think you couldnt. But wouldnt you feel guilt about exploiting your husband and your children?
3/20:
arepamama (10:23:16 PM): and i am getting better at understandig that it does not matter who is to 'blame'......because at the core.......it is just a personality difference.......view of life ..........goals
THANK YOU! If it wasnt for this, I may have just run away from home, changed my name and have gotten adopted.
The rest of that chat log made me want to throw up. I coulnt believe how many time you insulted David. Your previous statement made it a little more bearable, but I dont know a more spiteful person than you.
3/20:
arepamama (10:36:45 PM): sometimes my children........are starting to look like David.........in behavior and this bothers me to the extent .........that i am starting to wonder that if they are going to follow his path......then why should i bother.......waste my energy in time.......when he will try to dissolve whatever i try to do.........and he will oppose me......or try to say things to the kids that it is all in my head and problem......
So you DONT care? I really want to believe you do care.
3/20:
arepamama (11:02:01 PM): i think that one of my problems is that I actually hate David........or have so much built in.resentment.......and pain..........and hurt..........that i can not communicate well with him..........
TRY, please TRY! Dont ruin all our lives because of resentment. Since you seem to have so much drive in you, why dont you at least TRY?
3/20:
VLMDragon (11:23:01 PM): In the package is a book I want you to read. I want you to feel & understand the character "Ender"... then we talk about it..
Ah, so it was HIM that sent you the book. Thats why you read it.
3/20 (AGAIN):
arepamama (11:48:13 PM): she also would have kept Carmina in her marriage.........her husband was a PhD.........and they worshiped him for that........Carmina had to choice he left her for someone else........
If you leave, we will be the same way that Carminia is...
3/16 (the first day you talked to him on this computer):
arepamama (9:36:19 PM): anyway..........they are watching lord of the rings for the 100th time........i watched a little but left........and since they always ask where i am going i told i was going to read........but here i am
So you lie?
That concludes my summary of your conversations with Michael Mellish. I know this message may sound harsh, but I am too much of a coward to confront you in real life.
So.
What do I do now?
Even if you and Daddy get divorced (kinda unimaginable in my mind), I will be strong. I will always uphold te VALUES you taught me and Katherine, even if you have forgotten them.
-Your worried son
