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About Me

  1. I have literally faced 4 rejections. However I do not have the strength to face the fifth one. I am tired and I am sick of it. In fact I literally become frustrated. How do I go through the fifth one? How do I deal with it if I am rejected the fifth time?
  2. Hello, I've had two close online writing buddies in the very small fandom I have belonged to since 2017. The first one really brought me down in a lot of ways, and randomly stopped talking to me a while back for no reason, and so I suppose good riddance I guess as she was constantly trash-talking others and it wasn't sustainable. The second friend I made recently is fantastic; we have SO much in common and really enjoyed talking to each other about fic and writing etc, but now she is ghosting me and not really engaging anymore. Leaves me hanging after I message her. I am not pushy at all and won't message her again unless she messages me first, but I just can't help but feel really sad now about it, and can barely get up the motivation to write this week. This keeps happening to me where I make these awesome fellow-writer friends, and then they always end up ghosting me, even after an amazing connection is made between us. It was so nice, having someone to talk to about our WIPs and comments and the struggles of writing. I was always so encouraging to her, and she encouraged me right back. We would tell each other our word counts and motivate each other, things like that. I thought it was great, and now that she has stopped messaging me, I feel kind of empty. If this friendship really does end up dying like my first one, I don't think I will have it in me to make any more fandom friends. It hurts to go from talking to them about writing and our fandom all the time, and really having a connection, to nothing. Getting treated as though my feelings do not matter really hurts. Writing is such a solo activity and I really enjoyed having someone to talk to about the joys and pitfalls that go along with this (sometimes stressful) hobby, but I don't think I can handle this again. It hurts too much. I don't have anyone IRL who writes or is into fanfic, and so I suppose I will end up crawling back into my shell and live for the rest of my fandom life as a hermit whose only presence is the occasional AO3 update. I don't want it to be this way, I liked having someone to talk to who really understands, but I cannot deal with this again. Anyone have any advice? I don't even feel like writing now. I'm sure I'll get back to it in a few days, but right now all I can think about is this feeling of being rejected, and also the fact that I no longer have anyone to talk to about this stuff. I don't think I said anything "wrong" to her and always made sure to compliment her work, so I am not sure why this keeps happening to me. Anyone go through something similar? How do these people go from excitedly chatting all the time about writing and each others work to nothing? Like it never even meant anything? We talked a lot about our lives, too, and I thought we were really connecting. :( I just feel really rejected and my anxiety is through the roof wondering what it is I have done wrong.
  3. Hi, About a month ago I asked for advice on the best way to get an ex girlfriend back. A couple of weeks ago I then asked for some more advice in regards to blocking my ex. This will be the last bit of advice I ask for. If you are interested you can read back on my 2 previous posts. I'm going to summarize. Basically, me and my ex broke up at the end of January. We spoke quite a bit and near the end of February I asked her to rekindle things which she rejected. Near the end of March I told her that It would be best if I were to block her on social media so I could get over her which she agreed. It's been just over a month and I have unblocked her because I felt a little better about the situation and I felt like seeing her with someone else wouldn't faze me. She's not currently seeing someone else. A small part of me would still like to rekindle things. I know I have gotten a lot of advice which mostly advised to keep her out of my life. I'm looking to see if anyone has some advice in relation to starting a conversation about starting a new relationship. I understand people will advise against this but I guess I'm looking for someone with advice on how to try to fix things with this girl. I really do love her and I haven't stopped. We were together for nearly 2 years and I know she had strong feelings for me.
  4. So my girlfriend one year and six months has proven for the most part that she is loyal. Unfortunately she doesn’t tell me important things like how one of her friends just got sweet with her over text, and that has me worried. Allow me to explain. My girlfriend and I are on completely open terms with each other as far as our relationship goes. Even to the point where we know all of each other’s passcodes to everything. One day however I’m scrolling through her phone waiting for my own to charge because I’m curious as to how a conversation between her and her sister went about moving in with her sister. That’s when I notice the preview of a text with one of her friends that I already know talking about drinking together. So I click on that because it worries me. Lo and behold, there is an entire conversation about drinking one on one with each other in this guys bedroom. But even worse is the fact that he low key gets sweet on her when she tells him she gets flirty when she drinks. He responds, “flirty or y?” And she barely shuts him down by telling him “just flirty.” He continues to egg her on in the conversation and it clearly feels sexually charged, and somewhere along the lines she brings up a story about making out drunk and he tells her she should come over in that case but she closes the conversation by saying she couldn’t make out with him because she “still has” me and that he wouldn’t like it if she did that to him while he was still in a relationship. But the biggest problem I have with this conversation is that despite him getting fresh with her initially she still insists that they should drink together—not in her bedroom but his. She just insists that she “knows her limits.” On top of that I don’t know if I can fully get behind her rejection of his coming in to her because it doesn’t feel like a rejection. Just that she “still has” me like in an obligation to be loyal to. Not completely shutting down the whole idea of drinking with him, putting ideas in his head that there’s still some chance, knowing how she gets when she’s drunk, knowing how I’d feel about her throwing herself in that kind of situation. Not that, she doesn’t like him like that because she likes me, no, just because she still has me. The big problem here is this friend of hers is, first of all, freshly broken up with his girlfriend. She he’s clearly lonely and desperate. But this is a friend she’s known since before me. But this is also a friend she’s sent nudes to before she knew me as well. So I don’t know how to feel about this. I’ve told my girlfriend to tell me about situations like this in the future and she still hasn’t told me about this yet, as I wait day after day for her to be honest with me about this. Because this isn’t the first time a serious situation like this happened that she decided not to tell me about. In fact this isn’t the first time someone has said something about her that I’m uncomfortable with that she’s treated like attention.
  5. Hi, I have posted about my ex before here (for some background story: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=555116 ) I thought that as several people said I maybe didn't show enough interest to him when he last said he was in town (please quickly read my first post as it explains what happened), and also for me to feel some closure (by opening my heart and knowing I did the best I could) I would send him a message saying I was thinking of him and that I'm grateful for the time we had together. I didn't do it expecting a reaction but rather to open up my heart and be better able to let it go that way. I let go of the fear of rejection and just did it. I really felt the need to be open as I'd never done that before with him and I wanted to do it for myself too. I also did it because I thought that if he was interested in me it would nudge him that I am interested, and that if he wasn't and I got "rejected" that that would be a bit of clarity in itself. He replied really quickly and asking questions like how I've been, when I said a lot's been happening he said he wants to know what's been happening; where I'm planning on going travelling in the future (I talked about travelling soon). Then, as he has done in the past, he stopped replying or even reading my last message, although he's been online. If he doesn't care for me then why didn't he just ignore my first message, why did he ask me questions? I truly don't understand him. Although, I know I've done the best I can now and there's nothing more I can do, and I'm glad I sent that mesage.
  6. I met this guy on a dating app, he texted me a little everyday for a few days and was always the one to start texting, then he asked to meet, so we met on Saturday, he seemed very serious about finding someone, and I really liked him. I thought the date went well, we even both took a popular personality test and got the same result. We spent the first half of the date at a coffee shop, then I had to respond to a text from my mom so I apologized for texting, he said "oh do you need to go or something?", so I said "yes" because it had already been 3 hours, and then while we were walking back to our cars, he said "it was very nice seeing you, find us some activities to do the next time we meet" then he said that he has an exam soon, so next weekend he will be studying, so he said "we will see eachother again in 1 or 2 weeks maybe, but we will continue texting in the meantime" then he said "do you have time today to stay a little longer and get dinner?", since I knew I wasn't going to see him again soon because he will be studying, I said "yes, sure", so we went for dinner, and he paid for it despite me offering to pay, and after it was over, he said thank you for your time and he said we will find a time to go out again. When I came back home, I didn't send him a thank you mssg since I had already thanked him during the date and wasn't sure if sending him a message as well would make me come off as too eager/desperate, but now it's been 2 days and he hasn't texted/called etc..! Today, he was off due to labor day but he still didn't text, should I take this as a rejection?
  7. Hi, I have a guy friend I met a summer ago at an internship. We used to eat lunch together along with other interns so we became friends. After the internship we didn't keep in touch. This summer I was in a place where he happened to be there for university. I reached out and we hung out multiple times. We had a lot of fun and there were times when he indicated that he was interested (held my hand interlocked fingers). Anyway, I was going to finish summer work soon so I took a chance and told him about my feelings. I thought I was prepared for either answer. He however said that he thought I was great and enjoyed spending summer time with me but doesn't want to lead me on. He said, He isn't in a place where he would be able to prioritize a relationship because of his personal goals and wouldn't be able to spend enough time which would be unfair to me. He also added that he would still want to be friends of course because he likes spending time with me. I felt very hurt but I replied by saying that I valued our friendship and that he can forget I ever told him anything. I didn't contact him after and feel that I shouldn't until I'm over him. I feel very hurt though and can not focus on anything. I don't even know why I told him in the first place. I knew he was very busy as whenever we tried to schedule something, it was hard but he would make time sometime. As I'm go to a university which is two hours away, I know I would be able to get over him. But I feel hurt and sorry. I have never felt as hurt even in relationships that didn't work out. I don't know what's wrong.
  8. Hey all. I'll just get to the point. Before I say anything, please do not think I'm bragging and trying to sound cool. If I wanted that, I wouldn't even be here. I'm a 20 year old male, 188cm in height(6 foot 2). I'm also a bit underweight for my height, but I exercise regularly so I look good. Anyways, I'm mentioning this because I do not think the issue is with my looks. As a matter of fact, taking into account looks, people tell me that on a scale of 1-10, I'd be a solid 8, leaning to 9. The problem is as follows. Girls get attracted to my looks, but it is probably the way I talk to them that makes them lose interest in me after around 10 days or so. When I was little, I was incredibly shy. I think I have learned to overcome that problem to a certain extent, but I'm definitely introverted and not the outgoing type. When I talk to girls, I feel as though I play the nice guy too much and they lose interest in me because of that. I get that this is wrong, but the reason is unknown to me. I mean, how can I balance between being the good guy and the "bad" guy?(please do not laugh, I'm being serious right now) I do not drown them with messages, I have my own time, but I simply feel like I'm boring to a girl. I seriously do not know how to help myself. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks! -F
  9. I am a girl in late high school. I haven't been on a date before, but I have been flirted with. There are times that boys in my class come up to me and try to start conversations. I freak out, and accidentally reject them. I feel bad about it because it's always boys that I like, but I don't know how to play it cool. Just a couple days ago a boy tried to start a conversation with me, but I shut it down without realizing until it was too late. How do I not get freaked out and reject boys when they talk to me?
  10. I was just ghosted. Unexpectedly. Without any warning. After dating for 5 months, I thought we had a real connection. Though we both know this relationship isn’t the “one” for us because of our many incompatibilities with what we want for our future, I thought that at the very minimum, we respected each other enough to have a proper ending. It hurts. I feel abandoned. I feel rejected. I feel humiliated. I’ve been crying a lot and dealing with a lot of restlessness and anxiety. I just need to know I am not alone in the world.
  11. Alright, here's the scenario... Approximately 6 months ago, I met this girl through her friends who had just moved to my home country (they had become my friends upon moving). She was visiting them, and at the time we all hung out. We had a lot of fun, but I didn't really see or create any chemistry with her at that time. She left, but was planning on visiting again in a couple of months. During this time, we talked a bit here and there through WhatsApp, but nothing major... Then within a few weeks of her returning, we starting talking more and getting a bit flirty. Eventually some pictures were exchanged and sexual tension built up. When she finally came back to visit for four days, we hit it off and slept together the first night, followed by hanging out everyday and sleeping together every other night (I stayed with her at her hotel room the 4 nights she was here). The sexual chemistry was amazing, and I enjoyed being with her for the time we had. Now at this point, this was just something fun... We had both acted on sexual attraction and that is all I thought there was. Don't get me wrong, this girl is smart, funny, and fun to be around. She has a lot of good qualities a person should have. But I was being realistic - she's from the other side of the world. I mean, yes a bit of a crush started, and I began to see something more there... Here's the kicker: she was initially coming here to not only visit friends, but contemplating the idea of moving to a nearby city. A little while later she ended up getting her visa and set a one-way flight date a few months afterwards. This sparked an interest in me. I began to desire getting to know her more, and I saw her as a potential girlfriend... So, I started talking to her more. We were texting over WhatsApp every single day, and sending the odd voice notes and pictures etc. These "conversations abroad" were gaining more depth, and feelings were being expressed. She was non-stop telling me how excited she was getting to come back and see me... Then the day came - she arrived at the airport and I picked her up. After a whole lot of kissing, I threw her stuff into my car and off to her airbnb we went. I spent the weekend there with her. Her friend came a couple days later and they were supposed to stay there, but ended up coming to my place (I live in the mountains and we thought it'd be a fun experience for her friend). One night she got a little upset about her job searching, and I, while hesitant, suggested she stay at my place for awhile until she figures out what she's going to do. She was having a hard time finding Airbnb's and worried about spending all her money on them while job seeking. I thought I'd help remove the stress of it by having her stay at my place. Again, I was hesitant AF because we had only just started being more involved in person and I felt like I was having her move in. But it actually turned out to be amazing having her over. It was really nice coming home to see her and plan days with her. During this time, she got an offer for a promising opportunity but on the other side of the country. Keep in mind, during this point I'm into this girl, we're having a lot of fun, her staying over turned out to be great, but I don't know what's really going to happen. She's not situated, and so I'm (trying) to not get too involved. I mean sure, we've developed a bit of what is very similar to a relationship, even now practically living together, but again I'm still holding back on becoming emotionally involved... So, she was given this opportunity to work across the country, but through consideration she tells me she's not going to take it. She declines, telling them she wants to stay on the western side of the country. But, they get back to her and give her an offer (she can work remote, but would have to fly there every month for a week or two each time). Once she received this news, she locks in a lease at an apartment in the city nearby where I live. And my whole mindset towards this changes... Now that she's more secure and actually going to be around, I start feeling like I want to pursue her as a girlfriend. I want exclusivity. Things have been going AMAZING. Our time spent together is really fun and I feel so happy around her. So why not? We already hangout all the time and have been having a blast. Still, she hasn't even been here a month yet. It feels a bit early, so I'm a little hesitant...except we've been communicating with depth and expressing feelings for each other for months before she arrived. Then we practically live together for a few weeks... So, I decide screw it, I'm just going to tell her how I feel about it... She had to leave for her new job, the first two weeks on the other side of the country. I drive her to the airport. I jump out, help her unload her stuff and tell her: "Look, I'm really happy with the way things have been going. I don't plan on seeing other people, and I would like to be exclusive, to call you my girlfriend." And to my surprise... she rejects... I felt as though we were practically in the scenario, acting as boyfriend and girlfriend. We're going out, always touching, cuddling up and having very passionate sex... she's telling me I should get this and that to leave at her new apartment... things are going so well it seems... but then I get rejected. It was not what I expected. Her reasoning was that she wanted to establish herself in the country, and not have me as the only reason she was here. To make her own friends, not have just me and my friends, and then if we broke up she would be depressed and leave the country with a bad image of it... Truthfully all I heard was "I'm not interested" out of all of that. I unexpectedly took a blow to my confidence with it. But I don't know, I kept my composure and said alright sure... She then kissed me for a bit and said she'd see me in two weeks. Then the shock wore off and I begin over-analyzing things. "Does she want to see other people?" "Is she perceiving me as not good enough?"... Essentially I'm going through this roller coaster of emotional feelings over this rejection, while putting her on a pedestal. I'm feeling jealous, anxious, upset, uncertain, confused, sad, angry and so on... Just insert annoying feelings and they're probably going on here... Of course, I don't want to show her this. So later, she text me and said that she hoped she didn't upset me. I simply said "Nawwww not at all. Let's not complicate things and just focus on what we've been doing, which is having a good time together". But there's definitely some upset here and I'm feeling cloudy towards my next steps. We're not talking like we usually do, even though I said let's just focus on what we've been doing. I've definitely withdrawn a bit. I feel massively guarded, and avoiding initiating the conversation. I haven't called her or bothered to ask her how her first day at work was etc. which is something I probably would have normally done. We were very open with communication...but part of me feels like I opened myself up wide and got rejected, and now I'm pulling back. What should I be do/be doing in this scenario?
  12. My boyfriend isn't officially diagnosed with OCD, but he has admitted he has an obsession with contamination and additionally he has vocal/motor tics and Aspergers traits. All of this he managed to hide until about 4 months into our relationship, but since then they've been getting worse and worse. I try to be as understanding, accommodating and caring as possible, but his problems put a lot of strain on me and they affect our relationship but it's only me that sees that and although he concedes that he can be very difficult to cope with, there's no understanding or compassion for my feelings or for me getting upset about anything. What particularly hurts is when he gets obsessed over something and then shuts me out, even though I'm apparently the only person who knows about his problems and sees the tics etc. Last weekend he tried to show me a perceived stain on his hand, but I couldn't really see anything. He wrung his hands almost constantly all weekend (a tic he's been doing more and more), but was in a good mood, maybe because we were doing activities he chose and so was distracted. However, I normally go over to his after work on Tuesday evenings and this Monday he told me he didn't have the energy to even put a jacket potato in the oven for me, yet suggested we drive into town to a restaurant instead. He said it would be better to meet later in the week, but gave me no indication of when that might be and he's claimed today that he's feeling no better. He said, as he always does whenever he experiences any kind of negative emotion, that he is "fatigued" and "drained". However, despite feeling such apparent fatigue in these situations, he still goes to work, interacts with colleagues, visits his mum, goes shopping etc - in other words, every other part of his life carries on like normal except he doesn't want to spend time with me, the one person with whom he has admitted his OCD and Tourette's and has shown so much patience and care towards him. He knows I am fearful of rejection and I do feel rejected and shut out, but there's no point in telling him. I try to just carry on like nothing has happened, but inside I feel sad and wonder why no-one and nothing else gets shut out other than me. If/when he pulls himself out of the obsession he just carries on like nothing has happened, without any acknowledgement of the impact it's had on me. I really don't know what to do - suggestions, please?!
  13. Hi guys, Yes, I have been recently rejected by this wonderful woman at work. I will cut the chase and will admit that my way of approaching was out of the blue. However, she was the one sending me all the mixed signals and I just reacted to them. You guys might be wondering maybe all of these mixed signals were just in my head. I also believed that at first but then my friends told me, ''Oh no we saw all of that and she definitely was open to all of your advances and was also flirting with you''. So she basically was sending me mixed signals without even realizing it. I get it. We were at this bar, dancing, and I just came clean and told her that she looks absolutely gorgeous, to which she replied I like you too but I didn't even let her finish and went in the for kiss. That was a bad choice from my side. She backed away and I realized from that moment that she was just not interested. She told me that, its not appropriate since we work at the same place and have the same group of friends (who saw everything going on). I accepted my defeat and told her to take it as a compliment. I decided to move on from this and then she started sending me 'pity messages'. In her head when she saw me she might have been thinking, ''Aw I broke his heart and I feel so guilty about it''. However, I am still moving on with this in my head, ''So this specific woman rejected me out of billions and billions of other women out there, no big deal and I will get over it''. I want to move on but to me it seems like that she wants to buy me that ticket to board her ''friendzone train, which I will never do ! My intentions were never to become friends with her but to ask her out on a date so that she could get to know me better from there. But I kind of screwed all of it up. I have only known her for a month or two. I just don't want to pretend to fake our friendship so this is what I wrote to her after she sent me one of those pity messages once again, ''I think you are an amazing person but I just can't pretend to be your friend while in reality I want to date you. Give me a call or text me if you ever get interested in that, I'd love to see you again. I just can't pretend to be a fake friend, take care''. She replied back saying, ''Take care'' Was this the right way ? I mean I can't just sit around and let her force all of this into a friendship. She is not into me, I get it, but that doesn't mean that I have to force myself into a friendship that I had no intentions for in the first place. How should I behave now in front of my group when she is around ? I mean I will be polite and friendly to her (Just going to be hi and bye) I respect my self value and won't settle for less in life...
  14. Half the dating advice on the internet and even on here is always this attitude that you should just go for it. It's a strange part of North American culture. I'm assuming most on this forum are from the US or Canada and if you're native language is English, most of the dating articles out there originate from the US. American culture tends to be more optimistic than the other cultures of the older world. This is a good thing. Don't get me wrong. It's partially the reason for the prosperity and innovation that occurs on these shores and why people around the world want to immigrate here. However, as with anything, it has its dark side. This default reflex of just telling people to go for it can be detrimental to those who have difficulty dating. Internet and digital culture makes everyone want a quick fix to their problems. Instead of investing in time learning skills or improving yourself in some way to become a more attractive dating prospect, this is often too hard and most of all, it takes too long, for most people. I don't necessarily mean just physically unattractive people. When you express your desire for someone, suddenly it's not just your problem anymore. It now involves two people. When was the last time you enjoyed rejecting someone who put it on the line and expressed their desire for you? Not just romantically rejecting someone but any kind of rejection where you have to refuse someone's friendship or even someone's invitation to a party because you just didn't like that person for whatever reason. Unless you have a dislike for that person or you're a psychopath, most of us don't enjoy rejecting others. Because we know how it feels to get rejected, we don't want to do the same to others. What's the alternative? Well, doing things the hard way. Like learning to read people. Becoming socially more confident and self-aware. Learn good conversational skills and how to present yourself in a charming way without appearing fake or approval seeking. Seek out hobbies/interests that you enjoy and can occupy your life which will make you more interesting to other people and also give you something to talk about with complete stranger and who knows, maybe even make a genuine connection with someone who has similar interests. The key word here is genuine connection. These are far and few in between. But when there is a real connection between a man and a woman, often just "going for it" becomes a much more easier and natural process. For those who have difficulty dating and who simply haven't put in the work, telling someone you barely know and haven't formed any kind of rapport/connection can only lead to multiple failures that will only reinforce their belief that they are unworthy and unlovable. Both men and women are guilty for giving each other this kind of advice. How many times has a guy heard his female friends to just "go for it and talk to her" or "just ask her out?" Men do the same thing with their female friends. The problem isn't that they have bad intentions. Most likely, they do want you to be happy. The problem is, these friends of yours already know you. They already like you (hopefully) and trust you. That person you're interested in who doesn't know you doesn't have the same mentality. Also, often the men and women who tell their friends to just go for it are just living in their own heads. In their own heads, they're imagining an ideal scenario where a girl or guy who is their "type" approaches and asks them out. Well of course if its someone you're already attracted to, you'd want them to just come over and ask you out. You already like them! But what about in the case where a young woman is asked out by a much older, unattractive male colleague? What if a woman who is the academic, career-oriented type and is very accomplished is asked by a guy who is barely employed and has no career prospects but is only interested in her cause of the way she looks and dresses? Some situations and circumstances you have with others will just never work. It's not your fault or their fault. It's just how life is. The stars just didn't align. When I lived in the UK and parts of Asia, I notice the people were much more cautious and conservative with regards to dating. They just seemed more self-aware of both themselves and other people. It's not that they were less friendly and open. It's more that they preferred to feel out the situation and circumstance and get an understanding of the other person before making a "move." Not saying these cultures are superior but when it comes to dating, I think more genuine connections are likely to form. After all, you wouldn't tell someone who grew up in a tropical country and has never seen ice before to go out there and strap on a pair of ice skates and go out and skate amongst people who have skated for years. So why do we tell people who lack experience with the opposite sex and are socially awkward or simply just haven't developed the self-confidence yet to just "go for it"?
  15. Hi All, So i am just looking to see how long its taken over people to get over a breakup? My worst one was from a 5 year relationship and it took me 3 years to fully move on, i became a recluse really but i think its only cos i still tried to remain friends with a wishful thinking we would end up back together. I have been the dumper once and it didnt take me long at all to get over this person as i felt they just wasnt right for me. I dated a girl for 2 months, kinda went to friends with benefits sort of thing, she ended it or just vanished from my life and not going to lie it took me 6 months to fully get over her. Currently going through NC after being with a girl for a year....i have no idea when i will get over her, but i do not cry over her anymore and its been 3 weeks since i last saw her, just feeling rejected and angry that she had someone in the line up during our relationship. Be interesting to read other peoples experiences.
  16. So this is a post about a narcisisstic, immature ex. Not an ex boyfriend, not an ex boy, but something in between. It was something in between because I wanted it that way, for which I was later on punished. He's 22, I'm 26 and at the time I was looking for something casual but not just meaningless sex at 1am, without conversations, affection, some level of connection.. Also, we were exclusive. It was great at first, I liked him a lot, he was greeeat in bed, funny, very, very affectionate and always available for me, worked hard to impress me, we texted all day every day, there were „good morning“ and „good night“ messages everyday, updates on how our days were going and so on. He had everything I wanted at the time and was ok with keeping it secret and casual. Or so I thought. It was kind of like a relationship, but it wasn't called that. He started showing great affection, kept on asking what we were and why we arent more, why I'm not considering realtionship with him etc, but after just 2-3 weeks. He wanted all of our friends to know about us (we have some people in common and that's the reason it was a secret), wanted to go on summer vacation together, public dates etc. I'd say he was in love, as much as he could be, concidering he's immature, superficial, narcissistic and deeply sensitive. The clues were obvious – asking if he was the best in bed, the biggest, the strongest, if he had everything I was looking for in a man, boosted a lot, talked about himself and only himself, undermined other people's achievements, couldn't stand me mentioning other men, he got offended easily, never admitted to some obvious flaws and mistakes he made, wanted to appear like nothing could get to him, showed no empathy. In his eyes, he is this great lover, great in bed and with the ladies, has a good job and is from an reasonably wealthy family, very entitled and self comfident, someone every girl wants to be with – and I rejected him every time he said he wanted something more – Him, who never had to try hard or try at all when girls are in question, but did it for me, was caring and gentle, he opened himself to me, stopped pretending. I admit, we really had a connection or something. I was swept of my feet at the beginning also, I developed some emotions for him, was eager to see him, loved spending time with him, got used to his love-bombing and affection and I got really confused with it all but I was very clear from the beggining to the end about one thing – I wanted a casual thing at the time and I wouldn't change my mind no matter who I was seeing then, but also, I saw him for who he was from day one and knew I wanted nothing serious with a guy like him. I was conflicted between emotional and rational side and by the end, the emotional side won. Also, i'm out of his leauge, I'm older, smarted, more intelligent and sophisticated...a great supply. So, when he had enough of my „rejection“, he started being cruel to me, blowing me off and saying the never cared about me, that he was the one who wanted things to stay casual and i was the one who fell in love. Sometimes, he copy-pasted my messages back to me or said exact same things in those short moments when I was the one who wanted him, when he got me to a breaking point by reversing roles and distancing himself, denying me affection, contact, his time etc. I lost perspective and allowed myself to be hurt by his words and actions, and what was worse – to react. I broke it off 3 times and all three, he crawled his way back in just so that he could hurt me more and reject me instead of me doing it to him. He was a whole another person. The most important thing to him was to make it clear he was in control and that HE was the one who didn't want ME anymore, not the other way around, that he could mess with me easily because he thought I was doing it to him. I believe he percived the whole thing as this great, calculated attack on him, something that made him feel threatened, undesireable, insecure and not worthy. He thought I was doing it on purpose so he wanted to get revenge, or so I believe. We lost contact for 6 months, but a few days ago he contacted me (I'm over him, definitely and irreverseably). I can assume how big of a risk it was for him. He was very careful not to sound interested, tried a few times to ask me out but not in a direct way, asked if I met someone better than him (he mostly meant sexually). He is going away on business for four months and wanted to see me. We texted for two weeks and saw each other once. Nothing happened because I rejected his moves, we watched a movie and talked. He contacted me again with some nasty sexual messages, I turned him down but he contacted me again! Then, I decided why not, I wanted to see him on the last night he was here (to have sex, which was clear to him). He said he was going to get back to me later that day to comfirm the time ---but he never did. He left me on „seen“. Of course, what was I expecting. He felt threatened for a secong and his instincts kicked in – he had a chance to turn me down, to show me I had nothing on him and that he didn't want me, not even for sex and he couldn't pass it up. So, my question is – what are your thoughts, is he a narcissist or just and immature, vengefull little and how to level the playing field, to make him give in again? Not for romantic reasons but to show him he's not messing with me again.
  17. My boyfriend rented out his flat to rent a house with his ex after they'd been together for 8 months. We have been together for over a year and I had the feeling that we will never move in together or get married, so I asked him. He admitted that he can't ever see us living together because he feels uncomfortable when he's at my house. He said he feels that I watch how much water he uses. I was bemused by this because I've always offered him whatever he wants and have never said anything about him using resources. I've always switched lights off when I'm not in a room but I was raised not to be wasteful and didn't think that was unreasonable. I'm kinda sad that if I stay with him then we'll never do more than just date, but at the same time I like my own space and he has habits that would probably drive me crazy if we lived together, so maybe it's OK. However, what I'm having trouble getting over is how he obviously must have loved his ex more than he loves me to have wanted to set up home with her, and that she didn't make him feel uncomfortable. In my mind I feel rejected and second rate to his ex. How do I stop feeling like this?
  18. So I was talking to this girl for 5 months. We started it off very slow because she told me she was scared of commitment and I told her I was willing to take baby steps with her. 3 months time, talking and texting became consistent and she started to call me babe and everything was good.. she told me she was ready to take bigger steps and a few days after that she started acting funny. I wish I could get everything into this text to thoroughly express myself but there's so much to write. 4 months into it we were still talking and texting daily. I did everything I could to show her I was worth the risk of committing. Treated her like a Queen and also treated her son very well and he absolutely loves me. There is nothing more in my head that I could think a man should or could do for a woman. Loyalty, respect and consistency toward her at all times. I was so good to her.. motivated her when she was down, supported her if she felt flustered or stressed, listened to her when she wanted to be heard.. whatever she needed I was there showing her I'm really down for this like I said I was. Late September to these last few weeks. It's been very off.. I try and talk to her and she's much shorter. She talks to me whenever she feels like it, when I ask to go somewhere there's always a reason she can't. She ignores my text messages and snapchats much more often. I would say goodnight and then she wouldn't talk to me the next day unless I said goodmorning or anything first.. I eventually felt like I was talking to myself. The last time that I talked to her was October 22nd. I had texted her the night prior and asked if she wanted to grab a bite, she said she was meeting up with one of her girls.. okay no problem. Next day I text her goodmorning.. and then after a few messages asked what she was doing that day. She responded with "Cleaning, Dinner, Movies and possibly a sports bar". I responded back telling her "Oh you have a busy day. Sounds like fun". I really sat and thought to myself after that... what am I doing??? I have done everything possible under the sun for this girl. Anytime something is wrong the finger is pointed at me, I'm always the issue. I'm getting ignored and rejected left and right. I've never put this much effort into a person before.. I feel so drained. So I decided that I wasn't going to text her the next day, she never text me. I haven't heard from her since. So my question is, did I do the right thing? Did I do the right thing by just cutting it cold turkey after she has ignored me and rejected me for so long? Should I have explained to her why I decided to not speak to her or does she even deserve an explanation? This is really grinding on my brain. Apologies if this is all over the place, I'll answer any questions more thorough. I just need some help!
  19. This is the first time i've ever written on a post, this is all very new to me so please bear with me haha. I guess i've wanted to get something off my chest i've had with me most of my life, it has to do with my mom. i'm not writing this because I've recently had a falling out with her, recently there have not been any tension between me and her, but its a feeling I've had for a very long time now.To make a long story short, i sometimes wish i had a different mother. when i was little my mother was diagnosed with a mild case of paranoid schizophrenia, on top of that she is extremely over-religious and very immature. she sometimes had delusions that People on the internet are out to get her and its made my family's life harder. these delusions have even made it difficult to hold down a job; in 2009 she got fired from her job, putting a lot of stress on my dad financially. i wouldn't say that we are poor but most of my life my family has struggled to afford the bare essentials. she has tried numerous times to hold down a job but she would only last moments before quiting due to her paranoid delusions. on top of that she is a very difficult person to deal with, she constantly picks fights with my father and siblings along with me over the dumbest things. It almost seems like she is a shell of her former self. she isn't a terrible person however, despite her faults she does chores, makes food etc. its just over the years i have rejected her love and her affection and now that i'm grown up i just wish i could have had that kind of affection that only a mother could give. every time she has shown me any kind of affection, i would always reject it, i just could never see her as a motherly figure. every so often i would just sink into a depression and think how i was never really able to feel that kind of love from a woman who loves you unconditionally, mainly because I've rejected it and maybe i deserve it, she is only a human after all. i just wish i could have had a mother who was normal, who was smart, intelligent, beautiful; a mother that is strong, who knows how to lead a family and who isn't a complete Jesus freak. know i should accept her for who she is but it feels like something i just simply cannot do. i guess i want your thoughts and opinions, whether you agree or not.
  20. So my boyfriend last night told me that about a year ago, he was in a dark place and he didn't feel very good about himself (low self-esteem) etc, and to make himself feel better, he got into contact with his ex-girlfriend, in hopes of her falling for him, to put her down and reject her. (We were together at this point). Back then, he told me he was in contact with her because her father died, and he was messaging her to see how she was. However, he started to like her Instagram posts with her cleavage showing etc, and I told him back then that I did not feel comfortable with it, in which he responded that he liked the picture by accident. However, he told me last night that he lied about it, and in fact, he did it in attempt to get an ego boost to see if she liked him back. After I found out about it, he blocked her on every social media site, and has not spoken to her since. I feel very betrayed knowing this happened, and that was his intention. I recognize that it was a year ago, but he lied to me all this time about it. I don't know whether I believe him in the fact that he was in a 'bad place', so in order to get some satisfaction, he wanted to reject someone... especially not his ex-girlfriend, who at the time was grieving over her father passing, it is a cruel thing to want to do, regardless of the circumstances of the death. I inquired about it, and he told me that it wasn't exactly about his ex-girlfriend, and that he wanted to reject a girl by going in a club, flirting with her, and then rejecting her. Which, in my mind, does not make any sense. I do not know why someone would want to hurt an innocent individual. I feel like I cannot trust him, and despite the fact that he has told me he has changed (he has in many ways), and that he does not feel this way anymore. For example, we see each other most nights, we go out on dates a lot, he does not ignore me, he has stopped talking to other girls and liking their pictures. I can genuinely tell he cares about me, and all of my family members absolutely love him. I just cannot shake off the uneasiness of the situation. I am not sure whether he is telling the truth, and in fact, he did want her to like him so he could reject her. Yet, I cannot see his logic in that, especially as he had a girlfriend, and at the time they broke up over two years ago, so surely he was over the breakup? Or, he lied to me again, and in fact, he wanted to test the water to see if she had feelings and if so he would break up with me and go off with her. I am just confused as to whether I should let it go as it was back in October 2016 when he was talking to her, or if this is a sign of bigger things, and I cannot, in fact, trust him. What are your thoughts on the situation? Thanks in advance:nightmare:
  21. My crush rejected me saying he has been seeing someone else at the moment (when I confessed my feelings to him, telling him I wished we could be more than friends), and now I think we're in awkward terms. We will still bump into each other in college, this puts us at a difficult situation as there are gonna be a number of activities in which we're both involved in. What I don't get is this: It's funny how he was the one who rejected me, and now he's ignoring me as though I do not exist. Is he trying to avoid eye contact with me? Like why? I could act and be completely cool and normal around him, but it's weird how he seems like he is the one feeling very awkward around me. I hope we could like at least still talk like normal friends, like before I confessed. We used to talk (before I confessed) for a while with good chemistry. I'm sure he felt comfortable expressing himself out when he was with me when we were on friendship term before. He was really nice to me when we were talking before I told him I liked him. What should I do? I may bump into him anywhere in college. Should I just avoid him when I see him so he will feel more at ease with me around (since he is ignoring my presence now)?
  22. we broke up. he is not the same person anymore. his ex is pregnnt with him, ad since she informed us he completely changed. i dont know what to say anymore. i supported him, gave him everything i have and i espected the same from him, but all i got was pain and rejection. i realise now how cruel and selfish he was. he said he wil change and i believed him, but this morning when we talked i realised how diappointed am i and that he doesn't care how i feel. i asked him to stay with me but he said he is so nervious hat he cant talk. then it came to me that he ALLWAYS does that when i wanna talk. i asked him to stay, told him i need him to hug me, i need to be sure that he cares for me, i just need him, but he said he is not in mood and he wants to run away from all of us. and i told him to go and that i don't want to see him anymore. i told him that i was there for him so many times why is he going now when i need him, but he still went. all day i'm wondering why this happened to me, when did i change, when did i let him to treat me this way. and i had to say no more, i couldn't stand so many rejections from him, cold words so many times i was in tears and i watched him closing doors and leaving me alone because he has a hard times. i'm just a pressure for him. i'm glad in a way. better now then later i guess. DAY 1 i'm trying to find my way back, i wanna be the person that i used to be. today i feel and look like hell. i know i did the right thing, it is the best for me. last 40 days i was just thinking about him and how he feels. i think i had enaugh.
  23. I have known a girl (i'll call her Katie) I consider as a "online friend" for the past few years or so. We have kept an on and off again contact during this time period, and I consider her a friend of mine. Katie has gone through severe periods where she has been depressed, and has told me over the years that she has contimplated suicide. I always tried to to offer her my support and suggestions on how to talk about getting help, which she seemed to acknowledge but I knew deep down she most likely didnt attempt any of them. During the last few years she has expressed her desire for something more then a friendship with me, and tells me that I am the only one who understands her and "gets" how she feels. She has told me that I am the only friend in her life, and the only one she can talk to. She has asked me numerous times to come meet her (she is 2000 miles away..) to "just hang out and stuff". Over the last few years I have kept up an illusion of sorts that perhaps a relationship is possible, just not at the moment. I have no romantic feelings towards her but I cant seem to bring myself to tell her this. I did not tell her my feelings in the beginning because I feared her reaction. I fear telling her the truth because in the back of my mind I honestly beileve she will hurt herself. Her latest email to me stated that if we met and I rejected her, she probably "couldnt take it". I can't even tell her about girlfriends of mine because from what she has said I fear she will take this as a personal rejection from me. So I am really torn here as to what to do next. As terrible as it sounds,I feel as though I have to keep lieing to her for her own wellbeing, which is just a thing to do and really puts my mind in a state of conflict. I WANT to tell her the truth in the worst way, but If she did something to herself I would feel as though it was directly because of me. On the other hand, I really am tired of of telling her half-truths as to how I feel about her, and I know personally I would not like it if someone did the same to me. I would appreciate any thoughts..thanks -Rick
  24. A little intro...my boyfriend and I have been together 10 months or so...crazy about each other -get along great, practically live together. No huge problems thus far. He's the kind of guy who is very cool, laid back, responsible but fun...in a thousand ways I am jealous of his relaxed and friendly personality, because me, whom used to be all of these things, in the last 2 years have spiraled into what I assume to be chronic depression...i've seeked help, i do have a medical condition (hypothyroidism), but medication has not helped...progressively becoming more anxious in social situations, and will for no reason burst into tears and have anxiety attacks...i have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day - they have been frequent lately.. I tried to avoid any contact with him today knowing I would either put him in a negative mood too or that I would get irrational and reject his attemps to make me feel better - but he tried to be sensitive, and after an afternoon of attempting to do "saturday errands" i ended up telling him I had to go home and by this point we had spoken about 10 words to each other, and he was depressed as ever. I hate it because I don't want to push him away, but I don't want to hurt him either - I honestly feel that somedays or evenings, I ruin everything..and I can't control it. Nights he's spent staying up till 5 in the morning with me because I couldn't stop crying for no reason...he's so sweet but he's getting sick of it because he can't understand and i can tell. I don't know what to do...I think I'm ruining my relationship...and unfortunately this has affected all of my relationships in life (friends/family) - i'm just not a very fun person anymore... ugh...can anyone relate?? and advice??
  25. Ok ive had enough of listenin to depressin songs. Its time to change my patern i have one tune lifts me rock wise but i need some sujestions. Heavy metal best but anything will do. THe one i am listenin to right now The all american Rejects - Move along *sorry can a mod move this for me to Break up thread lol*... *cheers was a post in totaly wrong thread heh*
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