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  1. First off I would like to thank everyone here. This forum has been more helpful than anywhere else on the internet. I used to have a very low self-esteem and used to think girls would never like me. In the past they used to give me these dirty rejection looks... sometimes even disgusted stares. This slowly changed this year as I started to get more and more dates sporadically... with young, attractive women... But so far only through dating apps. This meant that my appearance wasn't the issue. It must've been something else. These women wouldn't even want to text me if I was actually ugly. But the hurt of being mostly rejected by them through the years took a heavy toll on my self-confidence and security. So, even though now I know I am actually attractive and that if I tried to actually approach girls in "the field" more often I would -- indeed -- be able to get some numbers and dates... There's still this lingering, hampering fear of hearing a "no". It's a heavy blow to my ego still. But then I also know that's how the dating game works, I know I will be rejected many many times before hitting it off, but it will happen. I just have to put myself out there and keep trying. How can I get rid of this paralyzing fear 😞 ???
  2. Hi this would be my first post here. I had an issue I’m not sure how to sort out with a girl I have feelings for so here I am I guess! 😅 I’m a 26 year old guy and have unfortunately lost a very close person in my life and don’t know what to do.. Basically right at the start of the pandemic I went through a lot of painful depression and a rejection with a girl I really liked in college and I got really depressed and felt terrible as 2020 kicked off. But a few months later with the encouragement of a female friend I got a particular dating app and matched with a girl I’ll call Alice. I got her number and we talked sometimes and we always got along well and enjoyed talking to one another and eventually ended up being good friends the rest of the year. She thought I was cute and really liked my personality and vise versa and wanted to go on a date, but we couldn’t actually hang until 2021 because she worked a lot of hours as a manager at a warehouse and could barely afford to live and had a very stressful life which I completely understood. We really bonded, talked on the phone and texted and we were very close. She always was there for me and it was like we’d known each other our entire lives, and she said she felt the same as well. Things were good and we always planned to finally meet one day. We were so close and it was the most amazing thing in the world because I understood her and she understood me very well, and we both admitted to each other that we both felt like soulmates. The world made sense with her there and she told me she felt the same way too and it was genuine. She wanted to see me and get to know me in person. A little while later one day she told me she had to let me know she already had a guy, and that she still wanted to talk to me. I was upset but I told her we could still talk and be friends. It’s funny because even after she told me that it’s like we both grew even closer and I got the feeling she still liked me and we shared our hopes and dreams together. She always told me she had no one in her life who supported or helped her and I was the only one, and she was so happy I was in her life. I know some people might think she was just leading me on but I can say for certain she wasn’t. She legitimately cared about me and liked me. All her words and actions confirmed it. She was always there for me and helped me out when I had nobody and I always did everything I could to help her. We got very close and she always helped me and told me how grateful she was I was in her life, and how I was her one and only because I was the only person in her life that supported or cared about her. She always told me she wanted to see me and didn’t want me to go or be gone from her life. She told me she was very unhappy with everything in her life and that I really helped her feel better whenever she was sad or upset for any reason. It was amazing having someone like her there. Like somebody who understood you, who thought like you and who was always saying they were there for you and wouldn’t ever go. Like somebody could be the only thing you’d ever need, someone who could take all your sadness away and replace it with happiness.. she did that for me and I let her know she did. And she was very happy she could do that for me. Alice was really an amazing person.. I prayed for someone like her and my prayers were answered. Then finally we met. We went to a carnival and when we finally met it was amazing, like she was the lost love, the soulmate who was always out there for me. We had an amazing time and got to know one another, but it was like we already knew each other (aside from texting and phone calls) all our lives. It was amazing and she told me so much about herself, even her deepest feelings and secrets. She wanted to hang with me again and told me she was so happy I was in her life and we planned to hang out again after that wonderful day. It was like two people destined for each other meeting, it was truly amazing. Well, after a few weeks of talking like we always did and everything being perfect, out of the blue I got a voicemail from her. She said she had some news that wasn’t good, and that she only liked me as a friend, and that she didn’t wanna cause an issue in her current relationship because of us. She said she appreciated everything I did for her but that she felt like we had to stop talking. She said she was sorry things had to end like this but she felt it was the best thing for her to do at that time... I haven’t heard from her in a couple months and I am beyond heartbroken. I guess I just want some advice on what to do, because I feel in my heart we were soulmates, and I don’t use that word lightly. I know it’s hard to communicate all that happened between us in just a few paragraphs but I can assure you all that we were indeed very close and she had feelings for me. I just wanted to know if there’s any advice that could help me sort this out, help me to know if there’s a chance things could go back to the way they were, or if the feelings she had for me could be rekindled? I thought as a last resort I could go to see her in person and try to talk to her, ask her what went wrong or if we could even be friends at least again. I’m just feeling very lost right now, not knowing if she’ll hate me for going to see her or what.. I just need some advice on how to sort this all out. I pray for her and for things to work out everyday, I just feel so bad that someone I was so close with could just abandon me like that. I know some people might say to just move on but please understand we were very close. Despite having somebody already and having a difficult life she made room in her life and her heart for me. We both meant a lot to each other. I can’t just write it all off as being all for nothing. If anyone has some advice to offer me some hope or encouragement to try to see her again please let me know, and please keep in mind I’m a sensitive guy. Thanks for reading this and thank you for leaving any advice. I greatly appreciate it!
  3. by Greggie The tiles beneath us, black and white Contemplations, strategics, left or right The clack of heels, a board of glass Foolishness, egos and all that jazz Are you a child? Are you insecure? Are you unattainable? Is that your allure? Am I only a body, a source of relief? My intellect shunned, your ego in grief Wounded and bleeding, it goes in attack I rejected your flesh, so you rejected mine back My presence disabled, ghost-like I sway Resistance dumbfounded you, chess we must play Sexless and intimate, tickled and pleasured Reluctant, oblivious to scores that you measured No ego, no pride, no Great Wall to crumble Withstanding refusal to be none less than humble But you never realized on the ground which you tread I rested comfortably, your feet at my head You saw only the physical resistance of charm Never the spiritual twisting of arm And I could've built you, like statues of stone Like Michelangelo's angels, like Colosseum of Rome Timeless and grand and made to stand ages Missing out stupidly, for chess games and wages So tell me who won? And what poor soul did lose? I never did notice, perhaps you called truce? I walked off the board, white flag in frantics Remained unimpressed with child tactics and antics And my time lay wasted, disappointed and used Queens, pawns and bishops - none were amused Heavy breath of ego, wounded but alive We had to kill both you and I to ensure it would survive
  4. Here's some random poetry I wrote The Greatest Theory A flicker-fade of flame touches like a candle to the hand Reminds that we are still alive reminds that love can still survive Beaten, broken and beautiful like a picture tore from the walls over time love rebuilds love from friends, always mends A heart can be broken pieces can be scattered but we always come back love will always bring us back. ------------------------------------------ Dedication Beauty cant compare to the words I have read the words that make a heart, swell and explode. Beauty can't compare to the thoughts that have been thought the thoughts that make a man smile and gloat Beauty can't compare to the idea of perfection the idea that isn't shown in normal reflections Beauty can't shimmer like the stars in my skies the stars that are formed from the heart deep inside Beauty can't compare to anything all except only you, who makes me smile ------------------------------------------------- Broken I've been destroyed. Frayed and worn, pushed from the depths to re-enter the world. I've been broken. Put together wrongly, only to re-break again. I see the errors of my ways I hope I have time to mend. ----------------------------------------------------------- Reflecting My life is one of joys, of pains, and sorrows of mistakes, of fires, of life, and soul My life is a life that rejects the new and often times rejects the old I've transitioned through ages in a year or so. I've dreamed more than I probably should. My life isn't perfect. Connected, collected. my life is judge-able, reflected If I died tonight I'd be alright wherever I went, at least I'd have time. ---------------------------------------------- Alone with Rice I cooked the rice at a quarter to ten sat in the chair and began... to slowly eat, chomping and chewing thinking of what else this rice could be doing. I could be married walking along, rice tossed around. I threw that away and my head began to pound. I felt lost I chew a bit more, and think to myself at eleven I could have added a bit more spice to this, maybe spices times seven. My life could have used a bit more spice as well Sitting here alone, I could be out at the bar, but instead here I dwell. I sit and think depressive thoughts its now about twelve, I begin to snore . I wake, and then I eat a bit more, and then decide I don't want to eat rice anymore.
  5. Gateway To My Heart My heart apparently is a reinforced steel wall A place that nobody can or wants to get into I try to open it up and let someone in Most just keep walking by and never take notice Some stop and take a peak on what’s on the other side Yet the result is always the same It’s the same look, the look of rejection What is so bad on the other side of the wall Is everyone right about what they see Or are they just all blind to what it has to offer Hopefully what everyone says is true Someday someone will come by This someone will have the golden key that opens this door Once it is opened they will be happy with what they discover A heart that is ever giving and ever loving They will experience euphoria More then any drug or any drink They will have found the gateway to my heart
  6. Guys, which are you more comfortable with? Approaching her in real life or online? As for me, I'm more of the go get out type of guy in real life. It just natural to me to find a girl that sparks my interest when I see her in flesh. To go up to her even if she surrounding by many of her friends, I just love that feelings. And I dont care if I get rejected, at least I tried. LIke in baseball You have to swing to hit. lol And ladies, how would like to to be approach? Online or real life?
  7. In the following I will use the term person to indicate men and women. Guys as on observation I have noticed that people always want something that is of value. If it is not of value then it is not wanted. Now in the arena of attraction (subconsious emotional, instintual reactions) Contorversial bit ! For discussion. Everyone of us is attracted to the Very good looking people. Men to supermodels and women to hunks. Now there have been countless studies done that verify that poeple responce totally different to attractive people as opposed to unatractive poeple. (harsh but true) Each one of us would if we had the chance date a supermodel or hunk ! (if you think of your ideal person, who you really fancy it will not be an unatractive person... that proves that point). So I would say from observation and discussions that starting from the bottom up, so to speak. A bad looking person will be very responcive to the emotional interest of a very good looking person. Good looking man gets bad looking girl to bed easily. Good looking girl get bad looking man running after her. Same applies for a medium looking person and a good looking person. Now in reality a bad looking person appears to be of no value to a very good looking person, or to a good looking person, or a medium looking person. But these people are of value to a bad looking person. A medium looking person has no value for a bad looking person but has value for a good looking person and greater value for a very good looking person. And so on for a good looking person. ====== Now since we alwasy want something that is of value to us, a bad looking person is looking for a medium looking person, a medium looking person is looking for a good looking person and a good looking person is looking for a very good looking person. Another convtoversial bit for discussion. Now women will always be of slightly higher value than men because they have what men want sexually and dont need it as much as men. (they obviously want it as much as men). So take a bad looking guy, trying to connect with a very good looking girl. He is of no value to her and because he is very far down her acceptable value scale she will reject him in a harsh way ! as will a good looking girl and a medium girl, but they will not reject him in such a cold or harsh way as they will appreciate the interest as shown. Simaraly take a bad looking girl, trying to connec witha very good looking guy. She is of no value to her and because she is very far down his acceptable value scale he will reject her in a harsh way ! as will a good looking guy and a medium guy, but they again will not be as harsh as they will appreciate the interest shown. (Note also that the guys may use the interest of the girl for sex. It is still rejection just a harsher way). This is why Very good looking people are total * * * * *es / bas....d to less good looking people (opposet sex or not, as the same principle aplies to social conections as well as emotional, romantic connection) ==== Now if a medium guy tries to connect with a bad looking girl, he will quite often be able to sleep with her (hense the view unatractive girl are easier to bed). Because he is of value to her, as he is higher on her value scale. But if he tries to connect with a medium attractive girl, she will instictivly be looking for good looking guy. But will not disreacard the medium guy totally because he is near her value scale. So for him to connect with her, he then has to demonstrate personality and value that will raise his value and his atractfullness to her to a point where she sees him as good looking. Now if a medium girl tries to connect with a bad looking guy, she will quite easily get of with him because she is of value to him, she is higher up his value scale. But if she tries to connect with medium looking guy, he will be instinctivly looking for a good looking girl. But he will not disreagard the medium girl totally because she is near his value scale. So for him to connect to her, she then has to demonstrate perosnality and value (sexual or not) so that will raise her value and her atractfullnes to the point where she sees him as good looking. -=-=-=- So a woman will only instinctivly iniate an emotional connection (relationship) with someone who is of value to her. She will only respond emotionaly and be receptive to the emotional interest of someone who is of value to her. Better looking on her value scale, or equal in looks, but high degree of personality demonstrated. The same applieas to a guy. -=-=---=-= So if a guy aproaches a girl and she does not consider him of value. Ie up her emotional value scale then she will not entertain his emotional interest in him. The greater the gap the harsher the rejection. A very good looking girl will fain disgust at a medium looking guys aroach, but not at a good looking guys aproach. But a medium looking girl will not fain disgust at a medium guys aproach. A bad looking girl will be open to a medium guys aproach. Hense good looking people, whilst not necisarily better in relationship, have more opertunities for partners than do less atractive people. -=-= Summ: I hope I have not offended anyone with these obeservations, or my spelling..lol. I believe that the process of attraction is an instinctual emotional responce and that women and men both go for looks, even thought they may not think it, simply because they have not stopped to think about it. Now of course other factors do matter ! status, personality, abuse, weath etc. the list goes on. But if all other factors were excluded and a guy aproaches a girl or a girl aproaches a guy then the value of appearance is the overiding factor. -=-=- Questions: What makes a husband run of with a younger model ... Looks. What makes a girl humiliate a geek but go for a hunk who will sleep with her friends.... Looks. What makes a guy think ugler girls are an easy lay.... Looks. Why are good looking people used to sell products !! A product is a product, your being asked to buy the product not the good looking person, so why is a good looking person used. Why as phycologal epxeriments have show do we offer aid to good looking people but not to bad looking people. -=-=-= So I put it to all of you, that we all instinctivly go for looks above personality and we are only open to personality once the looks are acceptable. *** Point to note: this changes as people get older and their own looks naturaly deteriate, so they view others on personality rather than looks. But we all should view others on perosnality not looks. Perhaps this is natural selection in progress ! But for a person to say looks are not considered or are not more important than personality in selecting a mate, i believe they are lying to themselves. ( From my own personal experience, I would say I am medium looking, good looking women snub me, meduim looking women will fall for me, but with an effort from me and bad looking women will hit on me ). If looks do not play apart then all these women should view me near enough the same, I should be able to aproach a supermodel or an unatractive girl and get near enough simialar responces, since we are all human ! But none of us do ....Why..Looks matter !
  8. Thank you all for your replies. I hope I have not offended anyone in my previous posts. Of all the replies I think everyone including myself agree that personality and compatability of personality is needed for a relationship and the closeness of love. My point was that before you can establish the persons personality, each one of us will look at the persons appearance, yes this includes the full package of clothing, posture etc. Now based on this, A girl or a guy will only iniatate romantic conversation / ovetures/ flirting with a stranger if they are physically atractive to him. If an other person iniates conversation / romantic ovetures / flirting then if there is no physical atraction then the chances of the person being open to romantically connecting with this person is greatly reduced as oposed to if they were atracted to them. Of all the replies, I have not seen that men or women will be open to romantic ovetures or will initiate such actions with a stranger unless there is physical atraction. So based on this it appears that we all go initailly for looks. This affects how we respond to the person we are interacting with. (yes once conversation takes place and atractive personality trates are evident then, then attraction to the person can change... not disputing that). So women will reject a mans aproach or be more closed off to his approach becuase of her perception of his looks and whether she thinks he is atractive, all be it supconsiously. Same for a guy. So due to this perception of appearance which appears to be evident in us all, the only way that a guy (or girl in similar situaton of talking to a stranger they physicaly desire) can get the girl to like them is by demonstrating that they have an atractive personality. But my whole point was that if a girl does not find a guy atractive then she will not allow him the chance to show his personality. She will not talk to him and if he tries to talk to her she will be closed off, rude or other. (yes not all girls, a slight generalisation). But from what I have observed, the better looking, (generaly the girl who receives a lot of attention from the opposite sex) will dismiss a guy without giving him the chance. That can only be associated with looks, as she cannot gage his personality enought to know if she likes or dislikes him ! (Same observation for High attention received guy.. which I would deem, classed as the clasic good looking). So how does a guy or girl connect with a person if the other person has assessed their looks as negative and will not allow them the chance to demonstrate there personality. (if they try to connect they will be rejected). If they begin as friends to get to know the girl, then the girl will view them as friends (the friends zone). So she will not be open to the change to bf. And if the guy suggest this, makes attemps at this then end of the friendship. (works the other way as well). Also if the guy (or girl) fancies another and does not iniate romanctic connection, because the other person does not find him atractive, then the girl will not initate becuase of her lack of physical atraction. ! ((( The reason for the posts to try to understand this, is because this is the situation I find myself in. An average zoe, with good personality but judged on my appearance. The girls I like dont find me atractive so will not initaite. If I iniate connection, I will suffer rejection because of no physical atraction. If i am friendly then in the friendship zone ! ))) Now I go for the slimmer, younger appearance women ! ie the stero type good looking girl ! Not a case of conditioning, just my preference of atractiveness in a partner. Now I have lots of women who wish to go out with me but because I do not find them physically atractive then I view them as a friend ! It works both ways. Unlike others I have witnessed, and becuase I have been on the recieving end, if a woman who fancies me aproaches but I do not fancy her, I will tell her straight away, as opposed to being rude. Any idea how this can be overcome ! Both for me and others. Imagae of Shallow hall, but without the sleaze aspect of the charactor !
  9. A clique is a clique, It helps distinguish from the freaks. Working as a collective, So no one feels rejected. Except for the ones off standing to the side. But what of the freaks Who form their own cliques. To stand within a group of their own They become accepted as a former rejected Thinking and standing as one. So now we have the cliques And the cliques of the freaks, All serving as distinctive groups. But what of the ones, Who only stand as their ones. A group all on their own, Just consisting of one. They stand off to the side, Out of sight, out of mind. Just hoping to stay out of the way. Making subtle efforts, To gain entry through the centre, And join into a group that they may call their own. Hoping for a hand, Of guidance, to understand, Instead of the backs outside the circles. But as you keep trying, The sting of rejecting becomes confiding, And becomes all that you know. And with each passing step Of failed attempts, You realize you’re what you’ve feared all along. You’re not in a group, A clique, or a gang You’ve inherited the name, The one of shame. You are the loner, A group all to your own. And all you see are the backs, Now, even your own.
  10. You can not be completely sure if the person you are going ask out for date would say yes. I know this happens to most people of both gender. So please do give your advice. I have know this girl from work for a while. We have hanging out more than a little of late and I could see, through her actions, that she is interestes in me. She approachs me and starts conversations, she slightly punches my shoulder sometimes whenever I make her laugh. Even more interesting is that we went to eat a restaurant today, talking about our personal experience with being rejected and dating. During our talk she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Alriteeee.....-I could not restrain myself from being overwhelmingly happy. I know nothing is for certain but I do have sense that if I ask her out on a real date, she would say yes. The answer might be infront of me but I just need some reassurance.
  11. I look at the cuts on my wrists and see, the pain, rejection being hurt constantly. The emotional abuse, and same lines I hear, I feel so ugly it's perfectly clear. My heart's been broken, torn, ripped out and shattered. but who really cares. I walk in the shadows I cower in fear, but no one understands the pain that I feel, the pain that's so real. My cuts tell a story, but as you can see, the cuts on my wrists are just a part of me. Musicguy © Dec.2008
  12. Harsh title, but bear with me. This is a quote from a previous thread dealing with men who are afraid of rejection. I am always warm, friendly and approachable WHEN I AM INTERESTED. I have heard this so many times from women, they are FRIENDLY & APROACHABLE !!!!! FRIENDLY AND APROACHABLE !!!!!. Ie a Friend and if the guy approaches them, then they may go out with him. That is the whole problem. A shy guy, cannot pluck up the courage to ask a girl out due to the depilitating affects of shyness. Nor can he tell if she is aproachable if she is just being friendly. So he will look for indications of interest, ie initaition from the girl, so that he definatly knows she is interested. Now girls will be friendly to most people, just as guys will. If she is interested she will be aproachable, but if she is not interested she will not be aproachable..... !!!!!! NOT A PROBLEM AT ALL FOR A GUY TO KNOW IF SHE IS APROACHABLE (INTERESTED) NOT APROACHABLE (NOT INTERESTED). IF HE CANNOT DUE TO SHYNESS APROACH HER....... Oh I forgot, in school girls, they clearly tell you men are telepathic ! we will just read your thoughts, know your aproachable and then ask you out. You have to let the guy know you are interested ! or all you will get is the jerks who just want to use you and every other girl. The reason these guys can approach you with all their, sweet talk. Is that they have no emotional interest, feelings in you. Your another knotch on the bed post ! And then you complain about men being B****. Who's fault is it, if you only respond to jerks who can aproach you with confidence and bull. Instead of the guys who really like you but dont want to suffer rejection from you. As an analogy: If you go to buy a car that you just want to use for a while, you will buy a cheap banger ! You will not spend any time in deciding or thinking about the purchase. You will use it, show it no respect and dump it. It is easy to replace. But if you have your heart (emotions, feelings) set on a car that you have always wanted and spent a long time making sure that this is the car that you r heart is set on, then you will take care of it, value it, show it respect and keep it for as long as possible. It is that simple ! The only reason someone is afraid of rejection or shy is because they have emotions involved. Someone who has no emotions involved is not afraid of rejection because they were not very that interested and have little or no emotional attachment feeling to lose. I really hate women who bleat about guys mistreating them and then are * * * * *es to decent guys ! What i really cant understand is that if you find someone physically attractive then you have an emotional interest in them, this equates to the natural desire to talk to them. If you then like their personality, your emotional attachment / interest to them increase and their value to you increases and you ask them out. If you get along with fun times you will be in a relationship. Now what here Girls am I missing !?! You only seem to like a guy after he has talked to you, filled you full of bull, telling you exactly what you want to here. Then and only then do you seem to like him. Does not make any sense. !!! Women are from venus..lol Why not see a guy who you like and let him know, then get to know him ? Please dont take offence if this post apears blunt, but it is straight to the point.
  13. I am well into no contact with my ex. As far as I know she is with another, dont know for sure, but no point in trying to find out as this is irrelevent ! Trouble is i want to forget her, live a happy life without her in my thoughts. But that is not happening. I know that i need to replace her with something or someone of higher value so that her value to me will diminish and I will then not think of her. As i will have moved on emotionaly. But how do i do this. I cannot force myself to stop thinking about her, If i suffer rejection from another then this leads to value reversal for her ! So stay single and miss her, because there is something of high value missing in my life or aproach others, suffer rejection which makes me feel low and I miss her more. Being single is definatly easier for women as they are aproached by the opposite sex, so they do not suffer from the loss of emotional interest as much as guys do. Guys have to do the approach and face damaging rejection which makes us feel worse and want what we had that made us feel good. ie the positive emotional interest of the ex ! Any suggestion ?
  14. I met this girl yesterday and we only talked in person for like 3 minutes and exchanged numbers. I can barely remember how she looks. The only thing I can remember is that I was kind of attracted to her and that she really liked me within that 3 minutes. (I was at a bar and had a few drinks in me.) So as soon as I got home yesterday she called me....twice after I said bye. After that she showed me her myspace online. (I saw her pics and she is cute.) Next she called me today when she was "really bored" and then she said bye because she had to hang out with her friends. Ten minutes later she called me back and was like: "We want to stop by and say hi..." Being that she is about 10 minutes away and was about to leave in that instant and I havent showered or shaved today and my pits wreek, I told her that my friend was coming to pick me up soon and she could not stop by. Part of me rejected her because I currently smell bad, and part of me rejected her because I want to make her nuts about me. Should I have hung out with her so soon, or is it wise to wait a couple of days to make her go crazy???? My plan is to act completely uninterested for a couple of days and then hang out with her. Is that a good idea or am I being crazy?????? Im afraid that rejecting her might make her lose interest in me.....
  15. I know girls that I like, I am friendly with them, but look for indications that they like me in more than just a friend way. trouble is i do not apear to get these vibes, so I am reluctant to ask them out. Nobody likes to be rejected, not liked or their feelings not returned. It is showing another that they are of more value to you than you are to them. To my mind it should be 50 50. Any suggestions guys ? (I guess i do not like the feeling of not being wanted, especially if I want the person a lot). What makes this harder is that I do not just wish to go out with anyone, but look for someone who I am very attracted to and who's personality I like. Guess I have very high standards. The girls I go for, receive a lot of emotional interest from guys but you cant help who you like, can you ! ).
  16. I have noticed that a lot of guys for fear of rejection do not aproach girls. There is nothing wrong with these guys and these guys would treat the girls well. But it is the guys who just see girls as sex objects who will go out and hit on loads of different women a night that aproach the girls. Because the girls are waiting for a guy to aproach them, then they will go with these guys. Then this guy will just use her or cheat on her, because he always looking for another lay. My point is that because the girl will only go for the guy who aproaches her as opposed to the guy who perhaps really likes her, but does not aproach her because he is not recieving any signs from her that she is interested (because she does not aproach ) then she will be seeing a jerk who mistreats her and cheats on her. !!!! This happens loads and does not make sense ! Surly you would think that if a girl sees a guy hitting on loads of other girls it would put her off, but the opposite seems to apply !!
  17. Eh, not unusual for me. I've been depressed for the last 6 months due to work, my car and relationships. I only cut when like a girl and she rejects me or I get hurt by a girl and that happened last night. Apparently I was coming on to strong to her and she never told me. I'm sorry if I get emotionally attached to people quickly, it's just how I am. Sure, I can't blame relationships for my actions, but rejection heightens my depression. I just wanna cut everything away and bleed all over the place.
  18. Lately i have just gotten over my fear of rejection with speaking to girls. My next thing is i have a huge fear of getting rejected when leaning in to kiss a girl, for some reason i think that she is going to pull away and its going to be weird. So my question is whats a good line/action to slot in the conversation to suss out if shes keen or just being nice and talking to me?
  19. ive been single for 3 months now, after my ex dumped me of 2 1/2 yrs! i went out with some of my mates at the wk end, went to a club. there was this girl- absolutely awesome, she kept giving me the eye and accidentally nudging into me gently whilst on the dance floor.... i was dying to respond but just chickened out god she was hot,,, why the hell did i just shy away,,, i dont know if its cos i didnt want the possibility of rejection or what! if so how will i ever get past this point... looking bk i think it was just what i needed to help me but i blew it anyone else been in a similar situation!??
  20. well some old friend of mine invited me to some youth even that was going on in some church, i thought it would be boring cuz it was church, but i didnt wana let em down so i went.. and i saw alot of girls ... i got kina of nervous because sometimes when girls talk to me i dont know what to say or i studder.. well anyways when we all ate during dinner.. i happened to sit by some girl, shes was ok i guess, she didnt attract me that much..but i thought to myself might as well practice by chattin wit her, so i asked her name blah blah and finally i asked her if she had msn. she told me she did but that she hardly went on..then she didnt say nothing after that, so without asking again i took out ap iece of paper and pen and jus asked "so wats ur msn ?" and she gave it to me.. after that we kept talking, but then she left cuz she had to go to that bathroom. i felt sorta happy i took that step not knowing this chick, but i still feel like it was too easy because i wasnt quite attracted to her and i jus wanted to feel how it was to get a girls email... when a girl really is attractive i get nervous and the feeling of being rejected..i guess i have along way to go, what yall think ?
  21. No body likes rejection, even if it is done in a nice way. It makes you feel unatractive, undesirable and unwanted. Evan if only for a short time. So you see a girl you like, friendly to them, talk to them and get to know them. Problem is if you dont let her know you like her,she may see you as a friend, but if you do let her know you like her she may reject you. What do people think the signs are that she likes you in a b/f sense, so that you can gage this before you ask her out ? Any ideas ?
  22. I pour my heart out to you, Feelings gush, tears flow, emotions pour Like the flames of a raging fire A fire never to be slaked, to be put out, a fire that burns deep inside me, engulfing my soul, a soul destined for nothing, darkness, pain, suffering, a desolate wandering soul Destined to wander along, in the cold, dark desert of my emotions. I cry out to be wanted. Rejected I am always. Life is so dark, so bleak, Then why do I exist, why. What have I done to deserve this bleak existence, where no man, woman or child reaches out to me. Am I destined to walk alone forever. If so, take my sufferings away. For I suffer so, my thirst is never quenched, never slaked. Now, I lay me down to sleep. To forget this desolate, lonely life of mines.
  23. Not to mention that I'm a wonderfully insecure person. I've not had anything going on with a girl for a couple of years because I had a rough time with another girl I'd been with for three years and to be truthful I just haven't even bothered for a couple of reasons: fear of rejection and honesty not being bothered with pursuing a relationship. Until this girl showed up. So I actually bother and ask her to drinks a movie, that goes down, we have a good time, I get a kiss on the cheek as I drop her off. We hang out another time wandering around the city, I drop her off and her dad's in the driveway and I just get a hug. We hang out, see another movie, I get a kiss on the cheek upon dropping her off. She's insisted we hang out in the city again and wants to come by my place to watch movies one night. We're both shy quiet people but seem to let all of that B.S. down when around one another. We have similar personalities, actually talk a lot, laugh, all that stuff. I'm pretty sure then that I'm clear to go in for that dreaded first kiss, especially since she suggested she come by my place anyway but I'm honestly not sure and the fact that it's been years since I've actually liked a girl enough to even consider anything with her is weird for me right now. She said we've got a cool connection. I concur. She also smells really good, if that counts for anything, but don't all girls?
  24. hi everyone, im not sure if i want advice i guess im just venting as right now i feel very frustrated. all last week (and the last 2 days) my partner has been off work sick, noting major, he has flu, but still i have done everything around the house, cooked,looked after him and gone to work, today he seemed worse so i offered to stay off work, he said he would be fine he was going to get a nap. i went to work for 2 and a half hours, came home and put the computer on to see he had been downloading porn for the whole time i was working. im not upset he watched it, we both do, but when he has been rejecting my advances for over a week as he was "too sick" and me feeling evil for wanting it has kind of peed me off, am i over reacting, i dont want to argue with him but it has upset me
  25. I hear over and over that, if you're not interested in someone, it is best to reject him or her gently and honestly. I totally agree, because I know how much rejection can sting. But I'd like to know what exactly one should say? To be honest, I hear more advice of what NOT to say. Don't say, "You're a great person, funny, smart BUT ...." Don't say, "Let's be friends" or "I think of you as a friend." And don't say, "Sorry I'm busy." People consider those insults apparently. So give me some words. Tell me what to say. Thanks. P.S. This thread isn't a response to any other thread on enotalone, just a random question I've got. Apologies if this has already been asked.
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