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romantic sweetheart

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romantic sweetheart last won the day on November 1 2007

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  • Birthday 11/12/1975

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  1. I am touched that she appears to you with laughther--it is so hopeful, healing, and sweet. Love never dies. Her laughter bubbling over from the spirit world shows us how thin the veil is that separates our two worlds--There is no separation, and yet, while here, we must live this physical life, and understand its lessons. The most beautiful thing is....love is the common lesson of both worlds. Your poem speaks of this so gracefully.
  2. Give yourself over Over to passion How tender is the unseen hand That unfurls the baby leaf? More tender is the hand That caresses you now with wonder Give yourself over Over to wanting Remember the night That cloaks and makes the unbearable, bearable? More forgiving is the love That beckons you now with patience What is the passion, what is the love That discerns and separates The false self from the holy self? That removes blemishes and Like the sun Reveals two lives, the shadow and the man And loves them equally? It is the love of old scrolls Of tapestries that hung on castle walls Of books covered over in mold But whose words still murmur In chambers of hidden vaults It is my love, given over Over to passion It is my love, given over Over to wanting It is a baby leaf unfurling It is the night that cloaks It is the waves turned to wings It is the sun that kisses all And beckons all to live
  3. You are beautiful like a polished stone Turned over and over in my gentle mind If you want, I will become sea foam And kiss you with waves and sand If you want, I will become a torrent of time I will stop time, and you and I will be young for always If you want, I will become red and dying leaves I will garland you with my leaves I will be a hidden pool for you to splash your bare feet in I will be a railroad that clangs in the night Taking a soul to its home If you want, I will go now I will leave as you said I should Rivulets of tears, rivers sluice the land If you want......
  4. I moved here thinking it would be closer to more activity--Eugene, Portland, etc, and because it is a college town. But these positive attributes are not outweighing the loss of social support. Hi Wimpy--Yes, I can move my business with me, luckily. It's a pet sitting business, so it would be a matter of building up a client base again. I do have several contacts in Ashland that could help me again, so it might not be too hard. But it would take awhile to build up what I have here. Thank you for your help!!!
  5. I understand why you would feel confused--The situation is difficult because you do not have an opportunity right now to be completely separate in order to reflect on assess your emotions and thoughts. I would take each moment as it comes--Is it possible to move out sooner? This would provide a little distance and allow your mind and heart to clear a little. When things move fast, sometimes people become a little bewildered and overwhelmed. I think women especially have a strong need to be courted and romanced, and sometimes when people move in together quickly, this bypassess all those little nicities that come from taking romance slower--Picking someone up and dropping them off with a goodnight kiss that hints at wanting more---Requets to go out on dates, separation which creates longing to see someone and allows feelings to blossom and be nurtured by reflection and desire----Mystery created by not immediately seeing someone in their more "natural form"...brushing teeth, leaving the toilet seat up, early morning grouchiness, etc..........Courtship allows for slow creation of love and passion....Gives people some space......Moves feelings along at a careful pace.......Builds desire, friendship and trust....... I think that perhaps your girlfriend is seeking the space she did not have a chance to get when she moved in with you so quickly.........I know that when love feels strong and right, our desire is to spend all of our time with that person and progress rapidly to close living...........But romance is tender and fragile and requires time........... There might be a chance that living apart may improve your connection, or at least ensure a solid friendship. The best thing to do now is to respect your girlfriend's wishes, as hard as this is now that you are still living under the same roof. Chances are, your girlfriend had some concerns early on, but since things moved so quickly, she did not have an opportunity to ponder these thoughts and feelings. Sadly, many times people have to backtrack and revisit these feelings in the middle of a relationship...which contributes to breakups and strife. I would continue to examine and write out your feelings, acknowledge your confusion is normal given your circumstances, and perhaps try to find a way to separate sooner than August, for the sake of both your hearts.
  6. Six years is a long time--The soul becomes intertwined with another soul--Layers of love, feelings, passion, joy, ups and downs....swirl together and form beautiful memories, painful memories.....Hopes are structured and nurtured, and then hopes are dashed. Six years is indeed a long time to love, to want, to need......So the language of the soul is TIME...... Feelings are meant to be given and expressed, not controlled..........It is your feelings which define your love and devotion, and subsequently your decision to break away..........Trust the natural flow of your heart...... It is very difficult to suddenly become dry and formal with people you have shared your life with for so long---I know it is a coping mechanism, but it's so painful for the soul to endure....This jarring change......... I think it is best to express sorrow in an honest way......"This is painful....This is hard........I still care so much for you....And yet we have made this decision together, because we do want what is best for one another" I have found it helpful to bless a person silently with warm wishes and thoughts if I cannot or am unable to tell this to them in person...Especially during a sorrowful parting........I believe that our intentions and feelings are carried to that person in a gentle way....... And it is good that you have support with you, friends at your side....Break-ups are a serious matter---A tremendous loss, and a deep wound that takes time to heal.......Do not be afraid to say, "I need your help." I know in this culture, grief is a very misunderstood, and sometimes even taboo emotion....We are told to "get over it and move on." The human soul, eternal and vast, cannot comprehend that sort of severe reaction---- I have reflected on and studied many ideas about emotions....Romantic love, one of the most powerful, carries with it massive amounts of light and energy that envelope our lives......And the other emotions are equally important to express---Do you ever notice how little children immediately express what they are feeling, making no apologies for their uncontained joy or sorrow? Emotions flow through them readily....It is only later in life that we learn to control and suppress them, hiding them until they cause us sickness and mental distress...... So it is good to talk with others about your feelings..Acknowledge them, appreciate them...embrace them...Honor the love you shared with your boyfriend, and then, through your tears, be healed and cleansed.....And know that the cycles of life, as steady or chaotic as they seem, carry you, uphold you, will never let you fall...........Love shines again......
  7. I have panic attacks regulary, and they are frightening. I like the little mantra above--I will have to remember that. The way I tend to calm down is by focusing on my breathing and repeating in my mind that the feeling will pass. But I know how unpleasant these attacks are--I went to the emergency room once with such a bad attack that I thought I was dying!!! If the attacks are severe and persistent, I would definitely talk to your doctor.
  8. Thanks for the reply--There are a few people I know here through my work, but we just don't seem to have that "chemistry" to become good friends. Somehow, friends came to me a lot easier where I was previously. I am a little shy, so it's not always easy to meet people, but I am friendly and warm to others. I understand it takes a long time sometimes to break into a town. I have moved to other places and had easier times than here--Could just be where I am in life--Most people are settling into marriage, family, etc. It's not quite as easy as it was when I was younger to find people who are in my sort of "social bracket." Things have changed in that respect for me. However, I was able to meet many nice people in Ashland, where I was living before. I am pondering this decision heavily---I want to make the right choice.
  9. I have been living in Corvallis for over a year; emotionally it has been rough. I came here in the hopes of healing from an abusive relationship, but the isolation and lonleiness I feel here have seemed to intensify the pain. I have sought counselling and alternative healing therapies, as well as many self-help techniques, but I am hurting a great deal due to minimal emotional and social connections and support here. To cope, I launched full force into my business, thinking this would soothe some of the severe emotional distress I am experiencing. Unfortunately, it has not. I have been in contact with several women in my profession, hoping to strike up friendships, but so far, nothing has "clicked." Since it has been a year, I have been thinking seriously about returning to the place I lived previously---There has been no contact with the person there, for my health and sanity, and he has moved from that town. I knew many people there, including a woman who quickly became an angel for me. The loss of these people's warmth and support has been the cause for considerable turmoil in my soul. I am nervous about leaving my business behind, as I have worked so hard to establish myself here, and yet I try to imagine remaining here, and there is a great despaired feeling in my heart. If anyone can give me their adive or opinions or similar stories, I would be so happy to hear your input.
  10. Hi MissyJ. You will be fine, but of course, it will take time. The one blessing in disguise is that you found out sooner than later the true character of Simon. Thank God you weren't married to him after discovering the truth. But I am sure that is cold comfort at a time like this--You are hurting, and it's real. The pain lessens with time, but the soul needs lots of nurturance to mend. Most men are not like Simon. There are some bad seeds in this world, and strangely enough, the kind souls often to find them--That's because we see the best in people--Love wants to see the best in people---You truly loved this man, and you were taken advantage of. It seems Simon callously used your affection and companionship to get him through a rough patch in his life. His actions were damaging. His behaviours have no excuse except for immaturity and selfishness. These are not the qualities that make a man marriage material, or romantic interest material. It's best that he has left your life. And that's because you are worth more than the suffering these kind of men cause. Your heart was meant to be comforted and your soul, body and mind were meant to be loved and adored, not lied to and used. Remaining true to your kind and good nature means you leave space in your life for a right and true man. Simon is only one man out of billions of men--He doesn't have the power to ruin your life. He is ruining his own life, and let him do it. You, on the other hand, have the chance he does not--The chance for a REAL relationship, based on love, trust and honor. And that is something to be hopeful about. As the pain subsides, as the tears dry, as the smiles return, your soul will have cleansed itself, learned some new things about life, worked through the trauma, and now can emerge a little wiser, a little deeper, a little brighter---Because when we have seen the worst in people, we instinctively hope stonger for the best. Drop Simon's cold and selfish presense from your mind--He was only a temporary blip in your full and rich life. No one can own your happiness except you! And that's good news, because your destiny is ready to provide loving people for you. REAL friends. REAL love. There is a lot to look forward to. The hurt will lessen. The wounds shall heal. Love cuts through the pain. Blessings flow again.
  11. I was very glad to receive everyone's responses--Because now I know I am not abnormal for thinking the way I do sometimes. I decided to help myself today and bought a meditation CD, which I am listening to during the night as I sleep, and for ten minutes each day to meditate on positive things. It's not easy, but neither are these troubling thoughts, so I'd rather struggle to help heal them instead of just struggling period. You all were so kind and supportive--And that makes a tremendous difference in my life----
  12. In the past couple of months I have had an incessant fear and worry about losing a loved one to death. I am in a long-distance relationship with a man who will be flying to the U.S. to be with me on December 9th. This should be a time of joyful anticipation, but instead I am crippled by severe anxiety and fear about his plane trip over here. In the wake of terrorist threats and all these constant reminders that "You are no safer flying than before 9/11" I have become riddled with fear about his trip. Above all, I am terrifed that he will be taken away from me because....I don't know....because I am creating my own terrifying reality, and the universe will agree and fufill my fears?? I am afraid of loss....I have always been an anxious person, and as a child I was saturated with deep fear about losing my mother---Whenever she was just a bit late picking me up after she got off work, I assumed she was dead. At recess I would think about her death, and sob to myself. I also worried about my own death, and always was afraid I would die in my sleep. My anxiety has intensified to debiliating levels, and I really feel like my worries will become reality. I know it seems ridiculouors, perhaps, to think that thoughts can create reality, but people have been telling me that our thoughts do create our reality.......I know this is comforting concerning positve manifestations, but conversely, what if I have these awful fears....Do these fears become true? Ever since I was achild, I also have had terrifying dreams about plane crashes, which amplifies my crushing anxiety. I now must sleep with my light on all night--I know it appears silly, as I am 30-years-old, and should be able to sleep without the light on....But in this past year, I have felt out of control with my depression and anxiety. I have gone the antidepressant route, but do not wish to do that again, as I am seeking natural therapies. However, I admit, I am struggling to control my depression and anxiety this way. Does anyone have any advice as to what I can do to stop this worry? It may seem morbid, but my mind is so entrenched in this fear, that when I talk to my boyfriend, I have an "outside" view as if I am looking back on the conversation (while it is happening), from the viewpoint of knowing he has died...And I am remembering his words......I already feel like I am grieving.....I know this isn't normal, and I need to stop, but I don't know why these thoughts intrude. I keep reading his emails as if I am reading them after he has passed away. It is awful. I feel like I am preparing myself....I don't want to think like this. I know something in my mind is broken. There's a lot of pain. So much pain, I really don't know what I can do to cope. Any advice would be warmly appreciated.....
  13. I always reply to posts about this specific problem because I have dealt with it in the past, and it hurts. Like you, I found on my ex-boyfriend's computer evicence of porn. I first found a file of pictures from local college girls posing nude. I then found in his internet history hundreds of adult sites to which he was a member. This was one of the most painful things I went through with a boyfriend. And like you, I felt our romantic life suffered greatly from this. After a year of being together, I no longer felt like he was interested in my physically. And when I discovered all the porn, I felt deeply betrayed. I am going to tell you that it is wrong for a man to lie to a woman about his viewing of porn. If he is upfront about this habit and gives you that honest opportunity to decide what you can and cannot accept, then that is one thing. But if he does not tell you about his habit, that is quite another. The thing is--sexuality and the accompanying morals we have attached to it based on our upbringing and experience--is an important component of a healthy relationship, and honesty is required. Couples need to be direct with one another how they feel about certian issues regarding sexuality--one of these issues is porn. Time and time again, I see women posting on here, obviously upset about their boyfriend's porn habits. And then I conversely see women who do not have a problem with it. Although I personally feel pornography is harmful to all involved, and the easy and private access people have to it these days has made it a serious problem for many families, I do not wish to impose my views on others. I am here to say you must do what is right for you--You must do what your heart feels. You should not try to overcome feelings of hurt and upset just to appease your boyfriend or try to maintain the status quo in your connection. His lying is harmful. His behaviours are hurting you. You have a good reason to feel upset and hurt. Many of us women hope and wish and pray that a man will change his ways if he sees how much they have hurt us, but sadly, this is not always the case. We cannot force anyone to change, but we can change our own actions. We can make choices that help our hearts and souls. If your boyfriend is unwilling to talk with you about this in a mature, caring fashion, then he is not investing any of his emotional self in this relationship, and is instead withdrawing through his passive viewing of porn. I can say stronger words about pornography, but I will stop here. I know many have a different opinion than me. But from my experience, porn causes pain, especially for those of us who have romantic ideas about being a man's sole object of desire and all-consuming passion. I think it is safe to say that most women cherish the idea of being put on a pedastal in this department. And it hurts us when we find a man has been looking at other women in a sexual way. Simply because it is on a computer screen does not make it any less painful to the soul, which sees through a different set of eyes than the mind. The soul tends to see things in the eternal realm, the kind of realm that idealises things, and makes us strive to accomplish our dreams and soft longings. My relationship with the boyfriend who, after awhile, admitted he was addicted to porn, took a hrad hit from that, and eventually ended. I was closer to him in the physcial/emotional heart connection that to anyone, and so I was devestated when I found out how much porn he had been viewing. It's not a light moment for a heart full of love. I hope you can talk with your boyfriend in an open and honest way, and I hope he can find it within himself to listen to you, because he loves you, and that is the reason any of us do what we can to cherish, honour, and lift up our lovers to their greatest heights. I always ask this simple question: in all of our daily experiences, do we involve ourselves in pursuits with the intention of bringing joy to another heart? If we cannot answer "yes" to this question, then someone, somewhere, will be hurting. How can we spend our time? In enriching our minds and hearts, so that we can better love ourselves and those who mean so much to us.
  14. Hello gracelove. I want to express my deepest care and compassion for you at this pivotal and soul-changing time in your life. I have not been through a rape, but I completely, and heart-deeply feel your emotions. I will not patronize you and say "I understand exactly what you feel," but I will tell you, with gentleness and grace, that I can relate to your confusing, tumultuous feelings. I can see from your writing that you are not dead--you are far from it. You are alive, and you still feel, even though your mind is keeping your heart from feeling too much now. You see, the heartmind is so fragile. It sometimes closes its doors for a little while, so it can mend, so it can rest, so it can prepare for the future. And this is what you are doing now. It is good that you wrote down your experience, and it is good that you went through it detached. This is your soul's way of protecting itself. Sometimes we cannot experience the appropriate emotions because it would be too much; it would not be safe for our soul. Sometimes our soul waits until it is in the company of someone else; sometimes it waits until some time has passed. But there is a wisdom in our hearts and souls that directs how we react, even if we cannot understand it at the time. Like you, I have looked into the mirror and not recognized myself. I know this cannot compare to your trauma, but last year I found myself in an abusive relationship. When I think back to some of the things that happened, I feel sick. And just like you, I feel that a part of me has died. I used to laugh all the time. I used to be silly and make up funny stories. I used to dance around my living room. I now seem to live in the "used to" realm. I look at my face and see tiredness and sorrow. I do not know where the old me went...I ask this everyday...Where is she? Will she ever come back again? I can relate so stongly to that feeling..to all those feelings...suppressed rage, anger, despair, numbness, fear, hopelessness, confusion, betrayal...... What is happening for you now is a period of recovery--Your soul, your heart, your mind....they will be working together, sometimes separately, sometimes in uniosn, but always connected...They will be working to help you through this darkness, help you naviaget the rough tides of pain and loss. Your attacker may have taken your trust and peace, but he could never, will never, be able to take away your soul, your grace, your heart, your love, your uniqueness, your beauty, your innocence.........He only got his own empty experience. The you, the you born into this world of passion and light, was never destroyed. More than ever, you are coming to life, being born anew, each and every day. Did you know that every seven years, our bodies are completely remade? If physical material can re-create itself, just think of the limitless possibilites of the spirit, of our souls and hearts...! Even if we feel we are dead, we are only feeling this through the filters of our pain. Yes, this pain, this memory, will always be with us, somehow, someway, but it will not destroy us. Pain is like a gate we must open, walk through, and then close, containing things we keep in a confined area. We can revisit this area of our mind from time to time, but we are always free to leave. There are more areas of love and peace than there are of these "bad" areas that we all of us hold in our souls. All of us enounter bad as well as good. Some of the bad is horrific, and we suffer greatly. But in turn, our broken soul is unsealed, unsealed to let in even more love, more light, more passion, more beauty, more joy. The deepest sorrows can give rise to the greatest joys. Time is the key that turns slowly; time is the wind that tends to our grains of sand, gently blowing them about until a castle is built--out of chaos, beauty, out of fear, love. Do not worry about where she has gone. She is only sleeping. Do not worry where your feelings lie. They are sewing up the wounds of the self. Trust yourself, for you are the greatest physician of your own soul. Trust the process, for you are guided by ancient wisdom of the heartmind. What you measure now is not what you once were, but what you are becoming. Firey storms, peaceful winds....the turbulent and the gentle shape the world, and shape our very selves. Each kind of event is important. Pain and peace. There is am Afgahn proverb: "Joy and sorrow are sisters." We are kin to the extremes of our emotions. Do not be afraid. You are always and forever....you.........A soul of infinite beauty.....held up to the light of what you are and shall be.......A source of life.....and love.....
  15. You are not being petty at all, and your problems are not silly--they are worthy of attention, because they are a concern for you. Many people feel the same as you about adult magazines. I am one of those people. Several years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who was addicted to online porn. This habit was instrumental in the demise of our relationship. Like you, I was deeply hurt, and I felt I was not enough for him. I felt betrayed. There will be some people you meet that will chuckle about pornography and say that it is not a problem for them. For them, perhaps it is fine and acceptable. But for many of us, it is not okay. Please do not feel ashamed or troubled for feeling the way you do. You do not need to "learn" to be okay with something that truly offends you. Your distaste of your boyfriend's habit is not a character flaw on your part--it is a indication of what you feel morally/psychologically to be wrong for you. You have confronted him with your concerns. His reaction has been to have no reaction; he has chosen to continue looking at these magazines. While it is true that we cannot tell others what to do, we can, however, make decisions that will benefit our hearts and souls, staying true to what we need in a loving, caring connection. The question becomes whether or not you can accept this habit of your boyfriend's. Ideally, we would hope that someone would stop behaviours that hurt us. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. In the end, we are in control of our own life and our own reactions, even if we cannot alter another person's behaviour. Personally, I feel that pornography in any form is harmful to romance, and is disprespectful of both women and men. I know many disagree, and feel that pornography is acceptable. I understand that opinions differ. I just know what is right for me. I know that you are trying to maintain a loving and close relationship with your boyfriend. There are other issues of which you spoke--namely that he does not compliment your appearance or make you feel attractive. He also is not affectionate, and does not express his feelings for you. Of course you would feel doubly threatened and hurt by his interest in adult magazines. Any thinking and feeling person would. I think you need to discuss your feelings in depth with your boyfriend. In a realtionship, our feelings are part of a union--Problems that arise must be solved together. You mentioned that you would like to figure out ways to help yourself. But this is a problem that is not your own--it is shared with your boyfriend because it is a direct result of his actions. And so it must be addressed with him. Do not feel that your concerns are trivial--All problems are valid. There is no judgement on whose problem warrants the most sympathy. The heart feels as it does--pain is felt no matter the source--pain is real no matter the source. Do not worry that your matters are not important--they are. And I understand your upset. It makes perfect sense to me--I sympathize deeply. It is okay to be unhappy with your boyfriend's habits. It is okay to feel as you do. It is okay to ask for what you need. The soul knows what it desires; the soul knows what it needs to find its home in this world.
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