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  1. Hello all, I am new here so sorry if this is too long or if I mess up on something. I’m hoping I can get what I’m saying across lol. So I have been in a casual relationship with a man for just over a year, about 13 months. I met him initially 6 years ago when I was 19 and I was instantly attracted to him but he was my boss so I didn’t say or do anything the entire time I worked for him. The day he quit that company, he confessed that he liked me and he took me out for dinner that night and we slept together. On his end, it seemed like I was just a one, maybe two time thing, and I honestly didn’t care because I liked him so much, it was worth it… but we ended up continuing our causal relationship for the next year and half. Although it was causal, and mostly sexual, he eventually referred to me as his girlfriend and he always made me feel special and important, which is why I stayed with him for so long. But since it wasn’t going anywhere, I eventually got a real serious boyfriend and he completely respected that and we went out separate ways, but ended on good terms. This was in 2016-2018. So fast forward to Summer of 2020 and we’ve reconnected (my bf and I split). Initially it’s friendly on my end but he quickly regains attraction to me and eventually I do as well. We hit some road bumps at first because he wanted to jump into sex and I felt I needed to get to know him again (he’s the only casual relationship I’ve ever had). Because of this we ended up not talking for 2 months but in February 2021 we finally had sex again for the first time since we split years ago. And again, this seems mostly sexual for him which I wasn’t necessarily into but I was ok with us being casual again, but he’s the ONLY casual relationship I’ve ever had and despite it being casual, I’ve always had feelings for him. I’ve always known that but I never expressed it too much to him and I always kept in my mind that it would only go so far, so I accepted that and handled it well.. but since I had gone though this with him before, I figured although it’s casual, it would hopefully be like it was before. Like he would make me feel special and important and cared for like he did before. But since we’ve gotten back together, it just doesn’t have the same feeling anymore. Our relationship has evolved since we first had sex again.. like we talk more, we express more to each other than before, I feel like we both can trust each other but I just don’t feel special. Before, he would call me his girlfriend. He never calls me his girlfriend now. Before, he would kiss me hello or goodbye or both. But we haven’t kissed ONCE since getting back together. We lay together, we cuddle/snuggle, we have the most wild sex… We do all these other intimate things yet it’s lacking intimacy. Because of the lack of intimacy, I feel like I can’t be completely comfortable with him physically because I’m not comfortable with him emotionally. A lot of times I feel like just a friend or just an employee.. We’ve talked about this a bit before. I told him once that I don’t believe in “friends with benefits” relationships because To me if your having sex with a friend, they most likely aren’t just a “friend”. And There was a time where he would always refer to me as “friend” and it really bothered me. I didn’t tell him how I was feeling but one day he was a bit worried about my “friends with benefits” comment and he asked me how I saw him and I told him I saw him as more than a friend but that I had limited expectations of him (meaning, I’m not expecting him to marry me, have a baby with me, etc). He was relieved to know I was getting all crazy obsessed on him… and When I asked him the same question, “How do you see me?” he agreed he saw me as more than a friend as well. This made me feel better and I took this as a good sign but that was back in October or November. It’s now March and I still haven’t gotten that feeling from him that I got before.. and he STILL hasn’t kissed me. I don’t know why I’m so intimidated to talk to him about this.. I guess im worried about behind vulnerable and making him aware I have some deeper feelings towards him. I think im worried he doesn’t feel the same way, or that I’ll scared him off. If he doesn’t feel the same way as me, I couldn’t continue this with him. As much as I like him, I just can’t have sex with someone that doesn’t feel for me what I feel towards them. It’s a deal breaker… part of why I’ve been scared and hoping he’ll just do all this on his own like he did before. And it’s unattractive to me that he doesnt kiss me at all. I don’t want to come off desperate but not sure if I should say something or just let it go.
  2. Hey All, they say 'it gets better in time'. It's been well over six months now, and I can still drop and cry at the flick of a switch. I miss her so much, it's eating me inside. I cry almost everyday... To make it worse, the end of our relationship was all my fault. We were a 'friends with benefits' relationship for over a year and a half. However, we were each others confidants, best friends, and lovers. Soul-mates for a time, if you will. We have so many things in common, it's uncanny. But life is about choices. When she demanded 'more' last summer (becasue she was being courted feverishly by a new guy) I balked/hesitated...I guess I thought I could continue this immature behavior a bit longer. For a week straight, she begged, pleased, cried for me to be exclusive with her, and I foolishly/nervously denied her. While she was being courted, by her now live-in bf, she would tell me about her 'sex' with him...as if I was just a guy-friend...for some reason I let her tell me these things...I knew when she pulled an all-nighter with him...and dammit it's eating me ALIVE even today. I loved her but never told her until it was too late. Because he was first, she suddenly chose to date the new guy. She tried to make small-talk with me at first, as if nothing had changed, and could remain friends. But I was crushed (I knew I'd made a life mistake) and commenced NC. Apparently a month later (October), he dumped her because she was so sad, and missed me so much. She told him that it felt like she was cheating on me. She told him that she'd slept with me while he was courting her...but he forgave and took her back...and I know she'll never leave him. Now that the dust has settled, I can see more clearly my error in judgment. I'm mad at myself, which is worse than being mad at someone else...I screwed up and am having a terrible time forgiving myself for: 1. letting her go 2. not making an honorable woman out of her She is such an awesome person and has such a kind caring soul...and I took her for granted. All she needed was a chance, and I'm guilt-written. She wants more than anything to be my friend again though the bf forbids her from talking to me. Deep down I'm HAPPY for her, and I know that her bf is an awesome guy. In many ways, as it turns out, he's even better than me (for her)...so my pride is shot to hell. But I cannot be her friend. She moved in with him and is very happy...and I feel so petty and jealous. And I feel like no one will ever again understand me like she did. The word 'idiot' keeps bouncing in my head..over and over. I will move on in time, but not just yet I guess. Thanks, I needed to get this sap story off my chest... G
  3. Hi All, Well this is my very first post. I've been dating my neighbor for 15 months. He's 25 and I'm 45. (I look a lot younger than my age and I'm in great shape.) At first it was just FWB but like a dummy I ended up falling in love with him. Well in January he tells me he's met someone new and she's married! After he left I started the whole breakup, mourning thing. I started working on NC right then. 3 weeks later he comes back over and expects to continue seeing me! Told him no way. A few days later I saw the new chick - she's fat and ugly! Sorry to be so crude but there it is. It hurt so much to see him with her. I went a little crazy and yelled some nasty things at them. I tried talking to him last Sunday and he was SO ANGRY with me! I have no idea where that came from - we were always loving towards each other - never an angry word between us. So I started NC again. This morning while getting ready for work I saw them together. He must have taken the day off because he usually leaves much earlier. All the pain is back again! How do I handle this when he lives so close to me? I feel rejected all over again...I'm moving but not for another 50 days and counting! Why do guys take up with married women anyway?
  4. Recently broke up with a girl who I'd been seeing for about a month. We called it off because I was looking for something more serious and she's not at that place right now. So I'm thinking, this should be pretty easy but I don't want to up the friendship. We're still on really good terms. Is this something I should even ask about beforehand? Should I just be honest and say exactly what I think without dancing around it? Is there some other way of putting it that doesn't sound so... blahy? Or should I just avoid talking about it until after the next time we hang out and I have a chance to make a move? Thanks folks
  5. Okay, for those of you who may have remembered my situation...Here is an update: My FWB and I got into an argument on Feb 3rd, and had NO CONTACT until the 19th. We got into an argument because one night while he was out with his friends and I was out with mine we had gone to the same bar and he had noticed a male trying to "talk" to me. Me and the other guy walked out at the same time but I swear it was coincidental. I would never mess around with someone else, my FWB means too much to me. (we have a unwritten contract stating that we cant have intercourse with ANYONE else). Anyways- Okay well while we were arguing the 3rd we said some pretty upsetting things to one another and cut off all ties. Well on Monday the 19th me, him and his 3 year old son went to lunch. His son said that he missed me and gave me a picture he drew for me...HOW SWEET! So we went to lunch and I was laughing and smiling I missed them. Then as our food arrived he said " I see you got your nails done, and your hair cut and colored...you look real good, who you trying to impress?" I said "nobody"...and he said you look really good and very happy I was going to say we should work things out and get back together...and I said oh yeah? And he said yeah, but I dont wanna ruin your happiness...I would LOVE to be with him. I love him- it is no secret...but I didn't tell him that. He has been joking around alot telling me that he loves me. Do you think he could mean it? Or do you think he is just tryin to cut the tension??
  6. So…Here’s the deal. I have been best friends with Amy (I’ll call her) for the last 6 year. We met at a pet store we were both working for. About 3 years ago, Amy was casually dating/sleeping with my current Boyfriend for about 4 months. My boyfriend ended up breaking up with her for some reason, and she soon started dating his best friend, and has been dating him up until a month ago. My boyfriend and her ended up being “friends with benefits” at one point in between when her and her now again ex boyfriend were broken up. Amy was still friends with my boyfriend and actually set him up with me about a year ago. She was fine with me and him until more recently, when her boyfriend dumped her. Ever since she has been broken up with her boyfriend, she seems to be trying to “sabotage” our relationship. She is my absolute BEST friend and I love her to pieces… but its just that when me and my boyfriend are having a small fight or anything and I go to her for advice, she just tells me to dump him… or tells me that he is probably cheating on me… its always negative… I am under the belief that she wants to sleep with him. It’s a long story, but their history was mostly just sex… and my boyfriend gets the feeling that’s what it is to. I feel bad for her because she just went through a really hard break up. Her boyfriend had cheated on HER while she was pregnant with THEIR child at least 3 times he admitted to. I don’t want to lose Amy as a friend. I understand that she is going through a tough time, but at the same time, I don’t want to ever second guess my boyfriends intentions with me because of what she says. I don’t have a lot of other girlfriends and I miss talking to her about stuff like this. Any ideas of what I can do?
  7. This girl that i have been crushing on for 2yrs + broke my heart! We went through so much, found each other after our own relationships fell apart, progressed as much as we could and than finally we made it official... 4 days in and she gives me the i have to be honest with you i feel like i rushed into this, i have been nervous and didnt know how to break it to you, i think i need time to be by myself, im not mentally ready to be serious with anyone... WoW!! Im so hurt, and to add insult to injury she led me to believe the entire 4 months leading up to the 4 days that we could make this work, she loved me so she said all the time and wanted to marry me blah blah blah....what happened here i don't get it... Did i mention the ex wrote her some emails recently that he wanted to talk to her, get some things out...did i also mention she became depressed after her breakup with him, with friends and school etc....is she that dumb to ruin a great thing to get sucked back in by the ex and his emails? He played her royally and i never let her down ....now she is doing what he did to her to me...what do I do? Wait it out? Never look back? NC for sometime? Did i also mention she wants nothing to change, go back to friends with benefits basically but without the title to see what happens from here...wow again am i missing something or is this really F-D up.... I just cant get this empty feeling to go away...im utterly shocked at this and dont know how to handle it.... Update 1 we talked and we talked some more and what i realized is that she has just turned off like a light bulb with me, now not even thinking being intimate without the relationship is a thing anymore, which makes me feel even worse...it was the intial attraction, the wow factor of how we clicked, how we jumped into something and now the reaction afterwards, well she doesnt know if it was lust she doesnt know if she really loved me, she admitted to holding back for the sake of fear from the past of getting hurt or being the one who hurt me, she wanted to do the right thing.... She made it very clear that the future will hold all the answers that she needed time to find herself again (if anyone is counting this would be the 2nd time)...but this is what happens and than she comes and finds me and round and round we go...do i just let it end for good here? How do i act when i see her? Its very hard for me and yet for her right now its not a thing anymore like it once was, how can females be so cold? If i did this to her it would be the end of the world, why doesnt she see it like that with me.... Im slowly coming to terms with all this and realizing that she has some soul searching to do, she also has alot of committment issues which stem back to her childhood i am sure and her not having parents to mold her .... Why is it so hard for me to let go? Yes she was beautiful and the girl made me laugh but she also broke my heart twice now, ....I need enotalone support now more than ever!! Update 2 Talked to her friend, not close friend but close enough, she thinks she used me as rebound for her ex without realizing it, and now that she realizes it might have turned her off from all the great things we experienced, whateverr that means... As well as hearing that i actually saw the girl in the parking lot and guess what not even a budge to look at me or say anything, wow so cold.... Its so F-D up to think after everything she said to me through the months we had together means nothing now.... Did I mention im getting emails asking why I never said hello to her that day? Does this make sense to anyone? You dont want to be with me, walk away from pretty much everything we had but you get annoyed when i see you and dont say hello? and make it a point to write me and tell me this in an email....
  8. This girl that i have been crushing on for 2yrs + broke my heart! We went through so much, found each other after our own relationships fell apart, progressed as much as we could and than finally we made it official... 4 days in and she gives me the i have to be honest with you i feel like i rushed into this, i have been nervous and didnt know how to break it to you, i think i need time to be by myself, im not mentally ready to be serious with anyone... WoW!! Im so hurt, and to add insult to injury she led me to believe the entire 4 months leading up to the 4 days that we could make this work, she loved me so she said all the time and wanted to marry me blah blah blah....what happened here i don't get it... Did i mention the ex wrote her some emails recently that he wanted to talk to her, get some things out...did i also mention she became depressed after her breakup with him, with friends and school etc....is she that dumb to ruin a great thing to get sucked back in by the ex and his emails? He played her royally and i never let her down ....now she is doing what he did to her to me...what do I do? Wait it out? Never look back? NC for sometime? DId i also mention she wants nothing to change, go back to friends with benefits basically but without the title to see what happens from here...wow again am i missing something or is this really F-D up.... I just cant get this empty feeling to go away...im utterly shocked at this and dont know how to handle it....
  9. Hello. My Situation I'm right now in a relationship for 2 months. I know it's not that much. I mean we're both 18 years old. Anyway, we used to be friends and then we started liking each other and we decided to go out to see how it'll go. At first we both thought it would be like a Friends With Benefits relationship, but no, we started to like each other more and more every time and now we can call this a serious and official relationship. I'm the kind of girl of mind over heart. I don't like falling in love and getting hurt, and I'm not dumb and stupid in relationships meaning that I do not let a guy do whatever he wants with me. My dignity comes first than anything. I think I've never fall in love because I've never let it happen. Every time I feel I'm liking someone very much, I usually block myself and try not to feel anything more for the person. And this is what happening to me right now with the guy I'm dating. I'm scared, I guess. He's just like me in a guy version, me being much more in defense on falling in love. He usually tells me he's just letting things happen by its own and that he won't block himself and he wants me to do the same. But it's hard for me. Even more if he disappoints me and hurts me. His intentions are not hurting me or disappoint me, I think. He's really honest and he won't lie to me to make me feel better, and I like that, but I guess truth hurts sometimes. The Prob I've never found any problems against those who smoke weed or do drugs. I'm very open-minded about that, until now. I knew my boyfriend smokes weed and does drugs before I went out with him, and I didn't care at all. It's his life and I like him how he is and I'm no one to try to change him. But it's affecting me. He's smoking too much now and I found it not acceptable anymore. In fact, it disappoints me so much, HE disappoints me so much. It's a big let down for me now. And I'm trying so hard to accept him how he is, and accept his habits of smoking weed because I like him, and I want to be comfortable with everything he does, but it's so hard and it hurts, it hurts so much knowing he won't ever change for me, not that I would ever ask him to change for me because I don't want him to change, I mean, I would love for him to stop smoking but I know he won't and I won't ask him to stop. I don't want him to change for me, He won't change for me. He already told me he won't change for me and it hurts. VENTING It hurts because I'm not enough for him to change? I've told him few times this, about the disappointment and how it affects me, and you know? he tells me that if I don't like him for who he is, then I shouldn't be with him and this hurts me because I'm trying so hard to accept him how he is even though it affects me sooo much, and he tells me this and it hurts, IT HURTS SO MUCH. Am I not enough for him? Doesn't he care about my feelings? about how much harm he's making me? About how much he hurts and disappoints me? It hurts! How can I let myself fall in love with him without being scared, if he doesn't even think of me. I'm not saying he has to stop smoking (I wish, though) because I know he won't, but maybe he could talk to me and tell me he'll try his best to lower down or anything, but instead he tells me that if he slows down he won't do it for me, that he'll do it for him. Maybe he's right, but doesn't he think of me and how I feel? If he does it for him, he's doing it for me, too, but that isn't his intention. Doesn't he care about me? I'm so sad lately, and hurt, and disappointed, and I know I'm the kind of mind over heart strong girl with invisible barriers to protect myself from getting hurt, but I like this guy, I like him so much and even though it hurts I don't want to leave him, but there's always a limit. And sometimes I think I'm too much for him, and why should I be with someone who depends on smoking weed? That cares more about his weed than about his girlfriend's feelings? Bout how his actions hurt me? How his words make my heart break into 1000 pieces just when he says "I won't change for you, so if you don't like me then leave me." Someone who cared about someone wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that to him, because I wouldn't want him to leave me. If you say that it's because you really don't care about being or not being with the other person, because maybe I could've answer him "I don't want to be with you and I want to leave you" and he wouldn't mind. I shouldn't be with him, but I am, because I care about him this much and knowing he doesn't care about me as I do, hurts me. It breaks my heart.
  10. My computer has gone weird and I can't break this up into paragraphs so its easier to read, sorry................................................. I have a male friend at university. At the start we went out on afew dates but I told him I just wanted to be friends. This was because I've never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never actually done anything... but I didn't tell him this. I'm really really shy. Anyway, that was last year. This year we went out again and started being more than friends.. kissing etc. but no sex. Next thing he says to me is "Are you sure about us because I don't think we are ready", so I say "I agree"; and then he says "We can still meet up as mates though, I'll let you know when I'm free". So he wants friends with benefits? He always tells me he doesnt have time for a girlfriend but can 'make time' for me. I guess this means sex. I don't know what to do. I mean I like him but I don't want to have sex and I think he is just using me for that even though he knows I am really shy, maybe he is trying to conquer me or something? I would rather we got to know each other more and took it slow but he was going so fast the last time I saw him, he even asked me to stay over. I don't know what I am asking you but I am going to see him everyday this year so I can't do no contact but also I can't meet up with him if all he wants is sex. He is really confident and popular at university and I am the shy girl that doesn't say much. I don't know what he sees in me other than looks if he doesn't know much else about me.
  11. I just need some objective advice. I have been dating this man for four years now. Actually, we dated for one year and spent the last three years being friends with benefits. He would tell me that we were not dating. However, we did everything together..from family events, to workplace events, etc. Everyone considered us dating all this time and we truly were! But, he just couldn't handle the whole "dating" label. Stupid, huh? I guess it is even more stupid that I would put up with that! I recently turned 29 and I really wanted to get a committment from him...but that didn't happen. So, I told him that we needed to stop doing whatever we were doing if it wasn't going anywhere. He said that he understoo because I deserved to have the best. He told me that he loved me but that he had of issues still from his previous divorce. He has been divorced now for almost 6 years and he just can't seem to shake it. He says that I don't understand because I have never been through it. But, he was married to his high school sweetheart and when she up and left him after 14 years and 2 kids...he was devastated! And, he just doesn't want to go through that again. I understand that fear. But, I can't sit around hoping that he realizes how much he wants to be with me. Can I? I don't want to wake up one day and 10 years have passed and I still don't have the committment. That would really suck! So, anyway, this summer we broke up and just recently started talking again. But, I can't do it! We are such good friends...and get along so well. But, that just kills me. I want to be with him and his boys! I don't want to hear about all the things going on in their lives. I want to experience it with them! I'm having a hard time making sense of it all. I love them..but right now, I want to have a "real" family....not a pretend one where no one has made a comittment. You know what I mean?? It is a hard situation...I just hope that it will turn out for the best....
  12. 5 years ago I met a girl that worked with me. She was 12 years younger than I and it was not OK to date people you worked with. I had just gotten divorced recently at the time and we fell in love and moved in together. We had to hide our relationship from almost everyone. She took me to meet her parents and they (mom) didn't like me. Dad was OK. She didn't tell them we lived together till we were over. After 1 year I told her I was moving back into my ex-wives house and was going to re-address that relationship. That never happened. I moved back to my own room and whenever the ex asked if we could work on things I said I was still emotionally attached to the GF. I was also seeing the GF as friends with benefits. This lasted 3 years. The GF has been dealing with some serious depression over the death of a loved one and had been pulling away from anyone she loved for several months. She started to pull away from me and this is when I realized how much she truly meant and that I wanted to be with this woman. She also told me the only reason she stayed around this area for 3 years was for me. She also said she was now 27 and needed a title and wanted a child. When she first asked I said there was nothing I could do but 2 weeks of real deep thought and knowing I wanted to be with her forever I bought an engagement ring and asked her to marry me. Now I was not yet out of the ex-wives house and promised the GF that I would be out as soon as I could. She said no that the timing wasn't right and then changed her mind to maybe. That was 7/10/06. I am now out of my ex-wives house and the GF has backed almost completely out of my life. She calls 3 -4 times a day and we talk but she never wants to see me. She had claimed she was overwhelmed and confused. Now she keeps saying I will go back to my ex again. I have been in my new place for 2 weeks and she has not even come to see it. On 8/6/06 she had my buy a 2700$ couch for us and the place? I don't understand. She says she loves me more than anything and that she cannot picture herself with anyone else. I am lost and do not know what to do. I have posted other places and they say just give her time and no pressure. I also try not to make things about me when we talk. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I know I hurt her and the living with my ex was tough for her, but I truly love her and will never leave or hurt her again. I think I originally ran back to what she calls my comfort zone because she was very young and had many of the same issues my first wife had. I also think I was kind of mourning over my divorce and that I broke it off with her because I felt being old and her not telling her parents she would dump me anyway. So I broke my own heart to save myself. Really lost and just looking for any feedback I can get. Thanks for reading.
  13. You have sexual urges for a friend. You once had a FWB. It ended. Friendship intact. You still have these sexual urges whenever you are around the friend. It is hard to control it. You like your friend's company and enjoy activities with them. Yet, there is the sexual tension when you are around your friend. Your friend does NOT have any sexual urges for you, but you have for them. The tension is there on your end. Friendship is important to you so NOT being friends with them is out of the question. How do you deal with the sexual urges and not act on them so you DONT look stupid?
  14. Hello. I've been "lurking" the site for a while and I finally got the courage to join. Perhaps I hadn't joined earlier because I was afraid of what I might hear. I honestly just want to heal and any insight from you all would be greatly appreciated. Here's the story, I'll try to make it short. I've been smitten with a man for the past two years. We started working together August of 2004. The job was a small school and everyone new everyone (about 50 people). We first started talking during breaks and at first I thought, "He's funny and interesting." Well, time went on and over a few months I started to develop a strong attraction to him. I had a feeling that he was in a relationship (girl's instinct) and I found out in February 2005 that he was taken. Okay, no big deal. He's taken. End of story. We got to know each other a little better and I found out she was Mormon and that they were living together. Hmmmm....I wasn't sure how that was working out since he was not a Mormon. Towards the end of the school year he suggested we take a class together to get credit for our teaching certificates (yes, we are both teachers). I was excited to spend some time with him, but again I knew he had a girlfriend and not to expect anything from it. We took the class on a Friday and Saturday and hung out for about 3 hours after the class on Saturday, his suggestion. We talked about history (both history majors) and if there was a God... It was crazy the attraction and connection I felt with him. Here's the weird part; he and I both lived in the same apartment complex...He hung out at my place while his girlfriend was at work. Nothing happened between the two of us besides talking and he went home... The school year ended and I knew that I would see him the following August. Well, the following August came and I found out his girlfriend moved back home to another state. He looked much thinner and again with my girl instinct, I had a feeling that it was about religion and that he couldn't convert to Mormonism. Anyhow, a couple months passed and we ended up going to a bar on a weekend night with another co-worker. We went back to my apartment (he moved away from the apartment complex after his breakup to live with his parents; it must have been difficult to come back to the same place he and his girlfriend once lived) and just talked to early morning. This hanging out lasted every other weekend until October 2005 hit. We went out to get some drinks one night and almost ended up hooking up. He told me he knew what he wanted physically, but wasn't ready for a relationship. I couldn't do it and we saw each other the next day at work. It wasn't too awkward... A couple more months passed by and we continued to talk on the phone but did not spend time together. At work each day, our eyes would briefly meet and I felt something. I could tell he did also. Well, one night in December 2005 we did hook up and it continued on until June 2006. Throughout the months, I truly enjoyed his company, but I felt I couldn't open myself up completely to him since I thought he was still trying to heal. He kept saying to me, "I'll be ready soon..." He started to call me babe and sweetheart and I began to feel that we were slowly getting towards a relationship. I didn't want to rush him, but I continued to sleep with him. Go figure. Basically, I cared about the guy and wanted to wait. I just didn't know where he was at... Summer hit and I started to look for a new job. He kept encouraging me, saying I couldn't grow at the place I was at. I loved my co-workers and students, but I knew in my heart I had to move on so I could grow professionally. The thing is, even though he kept saying I should go, he didnt' even try to get a new job. He said it was because he had a record (a DUI) and some school districts might not even want to look at his application. Low and behold, I got a new job at the end of June. He didn't return my calls for a week (I just called him twice and texted him twice after I got the job offer). I was hurt. Thoughts started to race through my head and I got very insecure. He finally called saying he had to get a new battery for his cell phone. He got my number from another co-worker. Okay, whatever. We played phone tag for the entire summer and I started my new job in August. It was very hard for me, since I was used to seeing his smile everyday. I really felt a connection with him on many things. I just got so damn insecure thinking the only reason he was with me for the last school year was because he was lonely and I was convenient since we worked together. I did end up seeing him 3 weeks ago. He told me he was thinking more about me lately. I asked if it was because school started and that I was no longer there. He said he wasn't sure. We slept together. I felt terrible after we did sleep together and he ended up leaving, saying he would come back later after he got some work done at school. He texted later saying that he was tired and couldn't come over. I freaked out. He couldn't even call me on the phone! The next day he called to apologize and said he felt disgusted with himself with what he did to me. I couldnt' believe what happened. How could I have been so stupid and let him into my life so easy after not seeing him for the entire summer? I was soooooooo angry at myself. He told me he couldn't be in a relationship right now. He said that we do have something and maybe later we can "plant some seeds" (yes, his exact words) and see what grows. Ahhhhh!!!!! What do I do? I want to move on and let it be. Is he acting aloof since I did move on to another place and left him there, alone to deal with all the stuff at the old job? I was his listening block for all last year. Someone to lean on. Or, was I just someone to fill in a void, someone to sleep with? My feelings are telling me that something is there, but I keep telling myself that he is only going to continue to hurt me if I keep in contact with him. I did tell him I couldn't be his friends with benefits and he said he respected that. Its wrong and I know in my heart I can't handle it. He did call me today (after 3 weeks) to tell me he was upset that I told another co-worker, Marc, we were seeing each other last year. Marc is a great friend of mine, like a big brother to me. It was in the middle of the summer and school was not in session. I was distraught that he hadn't called me after I got the job offer and I just wanted Marc's advice. They hung out this past weekend and Marc told him that he knew we spent time together. The thing is, last year he told me he was very private and didn't want people to know about his personal life. I'm a very trustworthy person, but I was hurting and wanted to talk to a good guy friend of mine about it. I didn't work there anymore and I thought it was okay for me to talk about it with Marc. Ahhhhh! I hadn't talked to the guy in 3 weeks because he's so messed up and isn't ready for a relationship, but he calls me and asks me not to talk about his private life. I see his viewpoint with not wanting another co-worker to know. BUT I do not work there anymore and I know Marc isn't going to gossip with other people. It just makes me feel insecure again and makes me wonder if the only reason he spent time with me was because he was lonely....he just doesn't want anyone to know we ever hooked up. I hope this post makes sense. There is much more to the story; other feelings I haven't described, other words that were said. I'm so sad right now. I've caught myself wondering if I stayed at my old job, would we still be seeing each other? Then I tell myself it's better that I'm at a new place and that the only reason he wanted to be with me was to fill in a void. The thing is, when he called me 3 weeks ago to apologize for sleeping with me, he said he wanted to do something with me. He wants to read a book by CS Lewis together. We've had the same tastes in books. We both read "1984" around the same time when we first started working together, not knowing the other person was reading it. Is reading the book his way to stay connected? Is it his way of keeping me on a string? Is he too damn pissed at me now since I broke his trust and told an old co-worker about us? I feel like I've been rattling on, thank you for reading this post. Again, there is a lot more, but my thoughts are all over the place!!!!!
  15. Ok im messing around with this guy who used to live downstairs (he had to moved out recently, coulnt find a roomie) he used to live with his gf but she found a job in a different state so tehy dont see each other that often anymore. he strted hitting on me since feb..and now even though he moved out we still mess around we see each other about twice a week and hes not all that nice but sometiems we do go to clubs and hang out with some of his friends and always end up making out...we havent had sex (pennetration)cause im a virgin but i give him bj and stuff i stayed overnight and he was an when he woke up...he says hes an ebcause hes cheating on his gf he says it to me but he keeps doing it and i am stupid because i cant stop it. she coming just for a weeknd to visit him and obviously i get screw off. i dont know what he wants..i asked him and he says he doenst know etc, i tried to tell him why he keeps telling me he has a gf and doesnt act liek he has one but he says he cant asnwer that because he deont know, he keeps talking to me and asking me to come over im confused too but i know its wrong i shouldb have more respect for my self we are in our early twenties. he said once too that if he ddint have a gf he would date me i know im pretty "hot" too btu i dotn know why i keep doing this to myself i almost had sex but i dont want to give it up to him because he has agf and he desnt act liek a bf more like a friend with benefits and he certainly hasnt done anything nice to me...i do have fun hanging out etc any thoughts??
  16. okay so we broke up 3 weeks ago. he told me he couldnt ever have anything with me on a romantic level again. he said he wants to just try to be friends. so i was like okay whatever & i went out & did my own thing that weekend. on that sunday HE asked to hang out HE kissed me & intiated the sex. then later he said he doesnt know what he wants. then he said he cant be friends with me. so the next weekend he said he doesnt want to see me & we just ignored eachother at school. but then we started talking again last week & talked on the phone every night. but then we werent really going anywhere with deciding if we can be friends so i hung up on him & didnt go to school the next day. Then HE calls me & says hes coming over he apologized & asked to be friends. then we hooked up again. it felt like old times. ahh. then we hung out yesterday & we just madeout & had sex. we didnt even talk about US. he told me he loves me thats pretty much all we talked about. he texted me last night he said "i wish you were here cuddling with me id sleep much better" i wrote back "me too" then i texted him this afternoon ii said "do you love me ?" he said "would yesterday have happened if i didnt ?" and "yesterday was the best day ive had in a month" what does this mean should i call him tonight & ask himwhats going on through he head or just wait a couple daus or i dunno i dont know if i can handle being friends w benefits thats never good i cant emotionally handle something like that ahhh helpppp !
  17. I've been seeing this woman now for a few months. So many issues concern this relationship. basically it started out sort of a friends with benefits arrangement. I told her I didn't want anything serious with her and that she was free to find other women but to just let me know before she goes and sleeps with them. This is the second time round with have tried to give our friendship ago. I feel like she is using me just for sex. I know thats what a 'friends with benefits' is but I would rather her companionship more then anything. I dont want to have sex everytime we meet which is what she wants. I tried to meet her the other day for just lunch. She came up with all the excuses under the sun why she couldn't come. If i was to ring her up and say 'hey lets jump in bed' she would be there in a shot. The reason why we broke up last time was because I told her a few truths she didnt like about how she needs to get a job etc. Plus I ended up telling her I dont want to sleep with her anymore and just be friends. She didn't want friends and proceeded not to talk to talk to me again until now. I dont have any friends, thats why i don't really want to lose her but I dont want to be used by the same token. I feel like she is avoiding me again because I tried to talk to her about all this the other night. I go on msn and suddenly she goes off. I try to talk to her on msn and she is too busy playing cards online to talk to me. I guess I stick with it because I have no one else. I dont know what to do. I probably know what I should do but where does that leave me?
  18. So earlier, about an hour ago, you could technically say I had unprotected sex with a "friend with benefits," for lack of a better term. But, I honestly only penetrated her for a measly thirty-seconds, before I finally realized what I was doing. Here's my question, what are some possible consequences of my idiotic actions? I didn't ejaculate in her, and I'm pretty sure there was no pre-cum. Thanks in advance.
  19. You see let me tell you the situation.. Me and my girl went out while I was in school in NY and she lives in NJ. She is a junior in highschool and i am a sophmore in college. We went out while I was a freshman in college and she was a sophmore in highschool, we even talked a year before that... It seemed good at first and it was. Then problems started to happen, girls that liked me in highschool called me and told me that my girl was messin around but when i confronted her she told me she wasn't. I started to have trust issues with her and that grew. We constantly broke up and got back together. Then, one time we broke up she told me that she can't handle it anymore and if it happens again then it will be really over. So, we went out again for like a couple of weeks and the conversation came up again bout not being together, i brought it up, she flipped out and said "thats it, im stickin to my words on this". So, a week past and she messed around another boy. I told her that I was sorry and I wanted to get back together but i know she is hurt by me. I started to ignore her because she said she wanted to be friends with me. I told her I had to much love for her to be friends, she says im being immature. I again started to ignore her so I could get over her BUT she STILL calls me and wants to talk to me for HOURS... She says she doesn't want a relationship with anybody but she DOES want to talk to other boys but doesn't want a commitment with them but she THINKS she wants to be with me later on in life.. But wants to remain friends now with benefits also. She says she can't do Long Distances but she plans on going to college where I am goin when she graduated from highschool. It has been two months since OUR break-up and still calls me everyday for hours and I KNOW she isn't talkin to anyone but i have a feelings that she might like somebody else. I have made a mistake but I have changed, i know that i will never act like i did before. I just want her back because i think we belong together. How do i get her to realize this?? Also, should i let her go ahead and have fun in highschool?? Im just confuse, please help on ANY advice Do you think i should respect her decision and remain friends with benefits until she is ready and graduated. Or should I leave her be and be friends later on??? OR ANY ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE ME!!!!
  20. I broke NC with a guy. I thought we could be friends. I knew it could never work so i followed enotaloner's advice and did NC but it's hard to drop off the face of the earth when the other person still thinks everything is great. He tried calling me, texting me, emailing me, and leaving notes on my door when I was at work or out of town for the last month and a half. He sent me a text Friday night saying "Need 2 talk. Important." I agreed to talk to him because I wanted to tell him not to contact me. When we met up he tells me how our mutual friends have seen him with this someone and I may have seen them in public since we go to the same places. He wanted to know how I felt about it. Why does he care about my feelings now? Does he want to tell me because he thinks he can hurt me? He tells me the details about their relationship and how they both want to be FWB because they don't have time for anything serious. He got a promotion at work and she does something with international marketing and she's always leaving the country on business. I didn't care because I'm finally getting over him I smiled and told him "I'm very happy to hear you found someone who wants the same things you want out of life. You 2 sound like a perfect match." He nodded and avoided eye contact. I asked if he was ok. He says He's so happy he can talk to me about how things are going in his life. I regrettably broke NC for this??? Go figure. I don't think he'll be contacting me anymore because he looked so unsettled after my happy reply. 2 months ago I would have been happy he was thinking about me now I don't care. Why would he care how I felt? Why did he think it was important for us to talk about his love life? I didn't mention anything about mine. I don't understand why people do such things.
  21. My G/F broke up with me maybe a few days ago i dont know when. Its been all a blur. She said she didnt love me etc and wasnt happy. Well yesterday she contacted me and well instead of me doing the NC thing i wanted some answers i asked her why she left me, why she doesnt love me so many things, and her basic answer was because she wanted to be free.... and didnt want the worries of being in a relationship. This hurt me alot, i thought if i ment anything to her shed stil want to be with me atleast. She then tells me she doesnt love me and will proberly never ever love me again. Another piece of my heart breaks. I am so very hurt. But the thing that confused me was not all this, i had figured everything she had said out already. What confused me was, well she said she wants to be "friends With Benefits". She said she wants to be with me but not be serious. Just have fun. Okay so i want to be with her but i dont just want to have fun i want her to love me like she used to. Well she said she wouldnt look at no other guys or nothing shed only want me. She wants to be with me but wants to be like we were when we first got together, the first few months when all you do is have fun nothing serious. So i kind of agreed, which i now regret, because i asked her will you ever love me again and she said NO, but i said "you dont know that you could love me right?" and she replies "I could love you again but I dont think I will". So i can do this, be with her and hopefully make her fall in Love with me again, be like i used to be the person she used to love. Or i can tell her tomorrow, NO. You cant use me, if you want to be with me you have to be with me properly. Tell her how much she has hurt me, tell her how much i loved her. And that NO we cant be together. But this way when i see her college everyday it will be so hard, when i see another guy try it on with her i will end up killing them and go jail and also hell. And i actually mean that i will kill them. What to do? Say NO to her, or give in to being with her them last few momment. ?? Sorry it was so long, just venting i suppose. any advice would be apreciated. Thankyou.
  22. i've been told im hot, im sexy, and just amazing...that i can get any guy i want...well its not true...its the guys i want that continue to tell me i can get any guy i want...but i want them, but they wont take me... i constantly get myself into a FwB situation...i fell for one guy and now i never hear from him anymore..and now im finding myself fallin for another guy...and im scared im gonna lose him... like why? why do guys tell girls they can get any guy they want? but they don't want them...and continue to tell the girl how hot, and wonderful, etc etc she is... Why?
  23. Ok im going to make this short. Basically, I was VERY good friends with a guy at work. I work as a waitress but stuyding to be a nurse. He is a chef. We were friends for about 4 months and we would talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. It was great. One of our co-worker kinda got us together. we started to date VERY briefly (it only lasted 3 weeks cos he is 'career-orientated' and he loves cooking etc etc and he can't commit himself to a girl') i was sad about it, but i respect him and his decisions so i let go. He is so career orientated that he hasnt been with a woman for 7 years and when we were together we slept with each other and it was just great... I havent been in a rship for 2 years because i don't want to just go out with 'anybody' I want to go out with someone i know i could go long-term with. And finally after 2 years, i found 'M' but it was just bad timing. The problem is, after we broke up things have been awkward at work. He would treat me hot and cold. I cant even look him in the eye sometimes. I mean im happy with just being friends, i wish to be more... but i won't force it. HOWEVER, i want to have sex with him. And i mentioned it just after we broke up... what he thinks about us being FWB. And he said hes cool with it, but he thinks its not a good idea cos i might get hurt... And i was like "ur right" and i KNOW he is right But the thing is... we are both travelling at the dame time. Same 'path' if you like where we both dun want commitments. but both want sex. So i want to know whether i should mention wanting to sleep with him again or not. I mean i KNOW it will happen if i just come over his place... but i just dun want to look 'cheap'. Like the reason i want to do it with him is cos im comfortable with him. I know i can get it elsewhere... btu i dont want that. i dun wanna open my legs to just 'anyone'... U knwo what i mean erghhh this is really bothering me... Pls help
  24. Since my ex and I broke up about 2 1/2 months ago she continued to look at my "myspace" profile, I knew because I actually had trackers that worked. A few days after the breakup she started to take all the pics of me and "us" off her profile. I continued to look as well and was just waiting for the day for her relationship status to change from "single" to "in a relationship". Finally I cancelled mine because my brother told me that she couldn't miss me if she could look at it and my life was an open book. She actually asked me why I canceled it and I told her the truth, because I couldn't bear to look at hers anymore (even though I still could regardless of me not having a profile) and was just waiting for her relationship status to change and that would have killed me. So when I told her that I actually took some things up to her work on a Friday two weeks ago and had a 7 page letter in the box with her stuff (I know I shouldn't have). Well she later texted me that day and said I looked really hot, I'd lost 22 pounds and had been working out and so on. So a mutual friend also texted me and said they had spoken and it was "all good stuff". The mutual friend knows I want to get back together. So then the mutual friend calls me the following monday and says that my ex wants to call me everyday and wants to hang out but she is afraid of getting hurt. The mutual friend also mentioned the new guy is "up her * * *", which led me to believe he was pressuring her or what not. So I'm on cloud nine and call her the next day at work and she rips my head off on the phone and tells me that we'll never be together again, but in the same conversation she tells me that she can't hang out with me because she's afraid we'll get back together. So the next day I look at her myspace profile and sure enough her relationship status changed to "in a relationship", and she added some more pics of the other guy. I panicked and called her and left her a long message accusing her of playing games, because I'd just told her before the weekend that that was my biggest fear. She called me back and was mean on the phone again and said she changed it because she was getting weird people contacting her. So then she tells me that she doesn't love me, and about that time my doorbell rings, she gets all jealous wanting to know who it was and hangs up on me. the next day she calls my best friend and tells him that he needs to tell me to leave her alone. That was 10 days ago. I got the hint and have not contact since then. He knows what I'm going thru and gave her a guilt trip and told her that I have changed for the better. He asked her if she was dating anyone and she said she was and was "happy". So then the following Sunday I talk to the mutual friend for about 30 minutes and she said that her and the new guy split up, my ex supposedly told him that she wasn't 100% whole yet (i'm assuming over me) and that the guy would only hang out with her on the weekends and she wants someone to hang out with during the week as well. So this makes me think, who dumped who? Today I have one of my friends who is a "friend" on her myspace profile look at it for me, because she has changed it to private. She said that it now says "single" and that all the pics of just the two of them together are gone, including one she had of his dog. There are some new ones of them with other people, which I can't help but think have been taken since I last looked 10 days ago. So what I'm wondering is if they aren't together why does she still have pics of him and possibly hanging out with him. He lives literally 5 minutes from her and i'm about 15 or 20, i know that shouldn't matter but If they are still friends I can't help but think they will eventually get back together or are just friends with benefits. I have to do no contact now because she had to tell my friend to tell me to leave her alone. I just can't help that she was playing games and wants me to suffer like she did. It's been 10 days and the longest I held out was 2 weeks since we've broken up. Does anyone know what to think of this? Any advice would be appreciated. She knows how I feel because I did the flowers, the begging, telling her I'd change, pining, etc. I just wish she would call me.
  25. I starting dating this girl named stephanie my sophmore year of high school. I lost my virginity to her when i was 15 (she was 15 too). Everything went well for us for about 10 months. After that, i got tired of having to deal with her ex boyfriend. I felt like i was giving myself to her entirely and i was only getting half of her. Call me selfish but i find that in a relationship, it has to be all or nothing. At one point, she had a mental breakdown and attempted suicide by swallowing a bunch of advil. She went to the hospital and stayed as an in-patient for a little over a week. The day she got out of the hospital, i broke up with her. I don't know what happened to me. I was completely numb...i felt nothing as i heard her crying to me and pleading for an explanation. I didn't know what to do so i completely shut down emotionally. And i stayed that way for the next 2 years: no emotional changes...no ups, no downs...just...content... about a year after we broke up, we started talking again and she came up with the idea of becoming friends with benefits. I said ok...because i was thinking with my penis and not my brain. So we did that for a few months and i started to feel that same connection that i had with her when we dated the first time. But i couldn't bring myself to uncover it...it was like it was ok for it to be there as long as neither of us noticed it or said anything about it. But one night, i accidentally confessed to her that i slept with her best friend the summer before (during a long period of time when i had not spoken to her). This ultimately ruined their friendship but brought her closer to me...somehow. She confessed her love for me and i shut down again. We were going to go to prom the next week and i said i couldn't go with her. I told her to get another date and that i wouldn't go. I stayed home and drank with my parents the night of my senior prom. Anyways...after a while...i started feeling like i had this huge weight on my shoulder like i had done something so horribly wrong that it was bad enough to banish me to hell for eternity. So i wrote her a letter...explaining to her why i acted the way i did and what was going through my mind as i did them. She reacted to the letter and said that it was very thoughtful. Since then, i cried for the first time in 3 years and have seemed to re-open my emotions. And perhaps in spite of that, we have started dating again. I am happy with where we are, and she couldn't be happier. the twist to the story is that she has been diagnosed with depression and bi-polar disorder. Both of her parents are alcoholics and she's been abused by them emotionally for years. To make it even more interesting, we are leaving for college next month, we're both going to the same college (by coincidence) and she couldn't be more afraid of it. She's afraid of her roommates, her teachers, explaining to everyone that she has depression and how they'll react to it. She's afraid of being on her own and not having someone there for her. And since we've started dating, all i want to do is be there for her and be commited to her and make her happy. To do this, i will have to sacrifice many things. I'll have to sacrifice any curiosity that i may have for girls at college (ohio university, if you're wondering...and it's a big college too...) I'll probably have to sacrifice certain friendships. For some reason, these seem like minute sacrifices to...basically save her life...because if she doesn't have someone there for her, she'll drop out, be too afraid to ever come back again and ultimately live her life as a stripper. I'm prepared to make these sacrifices, that's not to say that i won't slip up once or twice...i'm only human...but am i doing the right thing?...should i let her fend for herself? or should i show her that she can be strong and that there is so much that she CAN do...? The aspect of this relationship that drives me to support her is the fact that i am convinced that i will never be able to find a girl that cares for me and loves me and has a connection with me like she does...but...at the same time...it's like this relationship is standing on a pair of stilts at the top of a cliff...We've been through so much and we know eachother so well and we're so good at communicating, but yet...any little bump could send her and me tumbling down the jagged cliff in a future destroying heap...but then again...maybe it won't...maybe we'll be happy and everything will work out fine...but i don't really find myself to be a very optimistic person. but yet...i'm willing to take the risk. I know this entry is long...and i thank you for taking the time to read it...any advice or suggestions or motivation will help me cement this decision of mine into place. Thank you, again. ~Mike.
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