Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'friends with benefits'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Relationships
    • Dating Advice
    • Relationship Advice
    • Infidelity
    • Cyber Relationships
    • Friendship and Friends
    • Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
    • Abuse and Violence
    • Long-Distance Relationships
    • Age Gap Relationships
    • Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
    • Trust and Relationships
    • Marriage/Long Term Relationships
  • Breaking up and Divorce
    • Breaking Up Advice
    • Divorce Advice
    • Getting Back Together
    • Healing After Break Up or Divorce
  • Personal Growth
    • Personal Growth
    • Career, Money and Education
    • Grief Loss and Bereavement
  • Families
    • Parenting and Families
    • Pets
  • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
  • Sex and Romance
    • Sex and Romance
    • Pregnancy
  • Emotions and Feelings
    • Emotions and Feelings
    • Jealousy
  • General Forums
    • Forum Assistance
  • Journals's Journals
  • Journals's Private Journals
  • Off Topic's Topics
  • Book Talk's Topics
  • Travel and Culture's Topics
  • Poetry, Prose, Art & Photography's Topics

Categories

  • Articles
  • Career & Money
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Breaking Up & Divorce
    • Marriage
  • Personal Growth
  • Parenting and Families

Blogs

  • Articles
  • Youtube

Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


About Me

  1. On thursday last week I hooked up with a guy I have been flirting with for a while. I already knew he was not into a serious relationship and I was very aware of what I was doing. I have been single for over a year now, with no physical contact with anyone what so ever. I'm only 21 years old, and when I got the opportunity to sleep with him I just grabbet it, with full knowledge of what i got myself into. So when I got there, his and mine intentions was clear. We also talked about it abit before it happened. It was really nice, and I'm happy that I finally broke my over one year "break" from sex. He is also a guy I somewhat trust, that is why I did it with him. I do not want to sleep with anyone random. We have known eachother for half a year now, and will without a doubt meet eachother several times in the future. I know this because we work together (part time). And yes, I know what you think, you should NEVER sleep with someone you work with. But it's not that big of a deal, and I made a choise, so did he. And that's not a problem, in my opinion. Before we had sex we did not talk with eachother all the time, we did not have an instant connection emotionally. We had fun together and definivly had a physical attraction towards eachother. So I always knew that this is not someone I imagine forming a romantic relationship with. Yes, I do like him, but I know the differense between lust and love. And this is lust. So my point is.. I want to sleep with him again. I want to have a casual relationship with him, friends with benefits. But after we had sex I have heared almost nothing from him (I have sent a few snaps, but just casual). But then again, we did not talk all the time before either. It's only been a few days, but I don't know what to expect. I suspect he is scared that I have developed feelings for him, but I know I did not do anything wrong. I know it's typical for a guy to pull away when you have sex, and that most likely it has nothing to do with me. But I want to be with him again, I really had fun. And I know the risk - I know the feelings can develop, but then I will just end it. I'm young and I want to have fun. What should I do..? Should I just forget it and move on with my life? Should I just wait and see what happens? I really don't know because this is the first time for me. I have only been in a long serious relationship before. Sorry about the errors.
  2. Im soo confused, i dont know what to think or do. He was a friend of mine for 8 years although i didnt know him that well, hes been married 13 years and has 2 kids, im married also with kids. One night we were out and he kissed me, things moved fast, i knew his wife hit him and also cheated on him with her ex.. we talked alot, we fell in love, this carried on a year, but the year was hard even though he said he loves me i felt i always come last, obviously i understand he has a family but certain things and times my feelings didnt matter, we decided we would leave to be together, i saved up as his wife delt with their money. He then told me he wanted to stay with his wife and kids a bit longer and he wanted to buy a house with his wife so he could leave the kids in a permanent home. I wasnt happy but i understood his kids come first.. Weeks passed he then told me he couldnt leave yet. after alot of heartache i let him go.. We didnt speak for 11 months then all of a sudden i got a message. I wanted to tell him to get lost but i knew my feelings were still so strong. I still loved him, he had bought his house and things were settled for him, i thought maybe he had come back for me and he was gonna leave, he also admitted that 8 weeks after we ended he was seeing someone else, he said he was seeing her to get me out of his head, He says hes going to leave the end of this year 21 and wants to be with me, but do i wait.. he only messages me once a week because if we message alot it gets to much, its been 10 months since we started talking again, yet again his wife comes first no matter what, i dont expect him to drop anything for me but i expect a little in return. We once had a bit of an argument, i was so upset to which he knew i was but told me i had to wait 3 days until we could talk again because both him and his wife were off work together, i felt so angry and selfish, i know its hard for him to talk but wasnt i worth the risk, even if it was just a little message to make me feel better. Im at the end of my teather
  3. Just a bit confused about a friendship with an ex...We were friends with benefits for a year ,we had a row this was August this year and he was so angry he blocked me, then 3 weeks ago he unblocked me and we had a few chats and cleared the air, he did say during our split since August he did meet someone but there was red flags so he ended it but they still talk...Anyway since last week hes been calling everyday about 3/4 times just like how it used to be, but hes clearly stated theres no going back and I agree, but I'm confused and not sure I believe hes suddenly ended things with this other person, I have told him if there is someone I cant be his friend yet...So what's his motive if any...?
  4. Long story short. I have been dating and living with my girlfriend who i really love for almost 8 months now. My only issue is that she is good friends with her ex "friends with benefits" friends. To top it all of, she seems to be getting along with them ( 3 in total) really well. she has more common interests with them then she has with me. It makes me question why she chose me instead of them, I guess it may be the fact that we have common values and that we want the same things in life. I keep feeling that she made a mistake and that she will soon realize and let me go. We have spoken about it and she keeps saying that she loves me and that she wants to marry me. But that insecure feeling I have wont go away. I can't ask her to stop being friends with them because that would be unfair. I feel like everytime she talks to them, I keep getting images in my head of what they did together and I can't let it go. Is there a way to feel less insecure about this? Thanks..
  5. A little bit of a background. This guy that works at a store I always go to, started kinda of seeing each other. We're not together or anything but he asked if I wanted to hook up from time to time. He said I'm gorgeous and that I'm a good person. We get to talking about random stuff one morning and he mentioned that he gave up on relationships. He said apparently he's not a catch(though I think he is). He talked about how he wants a relationship and the intimacy and companionship but that the closeness might also freak him out because he's been single most of his life and had only a couple relationships so not really experienced. He said relationships are also a lot of work. A couple weeks goes by and I start to catch feelings. I told him so we stopped the hook up thing for a little bit. We've been back at it now for a few weeks since the feelings went away but not sure if they're starting to show up again. Ive never done a fb or fwb before so this is all new to me. But I just wonder why that if I'm so "gorgeous" and such a good person, why wouldn't he give it a shot? I know I should ask him but if I did, the hook ups would probably stop again and I honestly don't want them to. Just need some advice, perspectives, or just some ears to vent. Thank you :)
  6. My husband and I have been together 2 1/2 years, we have a beautiful daughter together! I recently caught him pegging himself in our bathroom, which wasn't so surprising to me as he did tell me he did that when we started dating! anyways recently we been getting into arguments because I was being the bread winner when he was making mire money than I was! found out he was doing drugs and that did not sit well with me, we have a 18 month old daughter, and I have 2 boys from my previous marriage! He started segregating himself and locking himself away in the garage/mancave! I started getting suspicious and went through his phone, there were tonnes of gay porn, tranny porns on his devices! there was also gay apps to which he was trying to get hook ups with men! he told them he was a closeted bi looking tor FWB & PNP! I confronted him and he says he has never been with any other than me and that he would never cheat on me! technically he cheated when he started putting himself out there
  7. So this might be a long one but I'll try and get everything in as briefly as possible. I met my ex about a year ago at a party in a club. At the time I was single enjoying life and had been seeing a few different girls off and on and was open to something serious but not really looking for it. I went on a first date with her after getting her number and found her very sweet and nice but wasn't sure if it would lead to anything. The second date however we got a chance to spend a longer time together and I realised I felt a connection with her Id never experienced before with anyone. I was really blown away, but the only problem was I'd committed to go travelling for 4 weeks and was leaving the following week. I told her this but she said she really liked me and we agreed we would see eachother again when I returned. I'd planned the holiday as a chance to do some solo travelling and meet some other travellers and just have fun. I'd booked it while very much single and I started to feel some doubts about everything, but I told myself I couldn't jump to conclusions about a girl I'd only seen a couple of times and that I should keep in touch with her and go ahead with my plans. So I went away, had fun and while I was travelling did meet other girls, but felt a little empty and a bit guilty when I thought back to her. When I got home I was dying to see her, but the fact I had been with other people was playing on my mind I was worried it might ruin things between us. In the end I met her again and we spent a great weekend camping, during which she didn't ask much about my time away. I maybe didn't feel quite the same head-spinning attraction to her I had before I went away, but I put this down to those feelings of guilt and not having seen her in a few weeks. I have a bit of a history of running away when things get too close and had never previously had a serious relationship, and I knew that I had a great connection with her and loved to spend time with her, so I probably very prematurely asked her if she wanted to be exclusive. There was a big problem for her in that she only had a few months left where I live before she had to go home to her country, which is thousands of miles away. I said we shouldn't worry about that now but from the beginning she was preoccupied about whether I would come with her or not and asked me if I was sure a relationship was what I wanted. I told her that I felt something really strong between us and wanted to give it a chance. After this we met up several times at parties and to hang out and I met all her close friends and flatmates. I was excited to share my life with someone in a way I never had before and felt good about the future. It wasn't long after this though that some problems started. I'd explained to her from the beginning that I'm generally very busy and like my space, and that I'd never liked the idea of being in a glued-at-the-hip relationship. She agreed and said she didn't like that either, but when I told her a couple of times I was tired and maybe another day would be better to meet up, she said OK but seemed very disappointed. Throughout the relationship she told me I seemed very cold and distant every time I was with her, and that it seemed I didn't want to be there. This was far from true especially at the beginning but I also felt she very much wanted me all for herself whenever we were out, and I wanted a chance to get to know her friends and for her to know mine. Though we had a good clear the air conversation about this fairly early on, it was something that kept coming up and I eventually started to feel like I was walking on eggshells a little bit every time I saw her, waiting to get asked why I was so distant or my mind seemed elsewhere. I thought maybe issues from my past were affecting things. I was very open with her that I'd had a tough childhood and a difficult relationship with my mother, which had caused a few anger issues with women and sabotaging of relationships. She was incredibly supportive of me when I talked about this and seemed to really appreciate that I'd opened up to her. I felt loved and listened to in a way I never had before by anyone and it brought us closer together. Despite this, jealousy seemed to start to play an increasing part in our relationship. She told me that I talked a lot about my ex (I brought her up once or twice about fairly innocent things) and asked me if we were still in contact claiming she had sent her a friend request on Facebook (which I highly doubt given my ex had told me she didn't have space for me in her life and clearly wanted to move on). She became paranoid about co-workers and female friends and I had to repeatedly tell her that I didn't have any feelings for them. The first big issue arose however when I showed her a picture on my phone through Facebook and she saw that I had made searches for a few girls. I'll admit maybe I was in the wrong there but sometimes bored and home I'd look up people I used to know or see just to check what they were doing with their lives (male or female, though probably mostly female). She took this as a sign I was talking to other people and decided to look through my phone without my knowledge, which she admitted and apologised for, but shed gone as far as looking at timestamps and claimed I was searching for other girls even when we were together, which I don't think was true. We made up and that was that for a while, but after a couple of weeks she told me that a male friend was coming to visit her, and would be staying in her room and they would spend a couple of nights alone together. She also told me he was single and also that he got around, so I found it absolutely bizarre that I would think it was fine for him to stay alone with her without knowing anything about the guy. Again we talked it out but I was starting to feel there was a lack of self-awareness and some double standards on her part. After that, we had agreed to go on holiday together, and just as everything was booked she began crying and said I would want to break up with her. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she was actually 7 years older than me. She'd told me originally we were the same age but shed felt scared if she was honest I wouldn't want to be with her and had hidden it for 4 months. I couldn't believe she wouldn't tell me something so basic for so long but we made up and I made a resolution to rethink things after our holiday. We went away and things went great, I felt closer to her than ever but there were a few moments where she would get extremely jealous about something or someone. One night she decided to ask out of the blue if I had been with anyone while I was travelling before we got together. I was honest and said I had and she went cold and barely talked to me for hours. In spite of that on the last night I told her I felt closer to her than ever and I'd had a really good time. She agreed but as we were going to sleep she started a monologue about every time she felt I'd looked at another girl and maybe I didn't want her and we shouldn't be together. It felt really bad but I said we should talk in the morning. When we got home I mentioned what she had said the previous night, I intended it as an honest discussion to work things out but the issue of plans and moving away came up and she ended up telling me there were too many "buts" and we abruptly broke up. The truth was that I was in love with her but they way she had behaved in some situations was giving me serious doubts about moving thousands of miles away with her and leaving everything behind, in addition to not being sure if it was compatible with career/study plans. I was devastated and felt like my heart had been ripped out but gave it a week to process things. After this I decided to contact her and try to work things out, on the condition that I'd have to work together on the things that were affecting the relationship negatively. She agreed and we gave it another go. I tried to be less distant with her and more conscientious about what she was feeling. I also agreed I'd probably avoided the issue of whether I would move away with her and I'd try to be more open about this. For a while things went great but eventually jealousies started to creep back in and she became fixated that I was continually checking out his brothers girlfriend, something which was completely untrue. We eventually broke up a second time when we went away together for Christmas in a big group, including her mother who had flown over and I was meeting for the first time. It was my first time away from my family at Christmas and I tried to make the best of it but I found things hard. I found her mother to be completely manipulative and difficult to talk to, and thoughtout the Christmas period I felt my girlfriend decided to take her side in everything and accuse me of not making an effort rather than try to accommodate us both. One evening for example I woke up alone and discovered she had gone to sleep with her mother. She didn't want to explain this initially but eventually told me her mother was feeling lonely and felt she was getting in the way of us, so she decided to spend the night with her. The final straw was when the day after Christmas we decided to play some drinking games, and they group decided to play a game where you could take a shot or tell the truth in answer to a question. She was asked if she would marry someone for a European visa, to which she answered yes. She had told me before she had considered this with her ex so I wasnt too bothered, and she knew I wasn't ready to think about something as serious as marriage. However when we were next alone together she asked me if the question had upset me. I said no as I knew she had thought about it before with her ex. She then asked would I be upset if she married someone for a visa while we were still together. I said of course I would and she said her ex had offered her again within the last month, and if we weren't together she would think about it as it was a really good opportunity. The whole thing felt totally manipulative and designed to shame me into making a decision about our future. I couldn't believe this was the same person whod been so supportive of me and who I shared such a deep connection with, but in hindsight I know it was borne out of frustration. Some days after this she announced a string of travel plans to her family while we were having dinner, none of which she had mentioned to me. It felt like a very manipulative "take it or leave it", and I said nothing but calmly took it on board and arranged to meet with her alone a couple of days later, where I told her I didn't seem to be in her plans and we should break up. Her immediate reaction was to say that she hadnt expected it, but this proved I'd never cared and just wanted a friend's with benefits situation, that I had been more concerned with other girls the whole time and never had any intention of moving away with her. I stayed calm and told her that defintely wasn't the case but if she needed to think that I understood. Eventually she came round and we had a very emotional goodbye where we talked about all the good thing we'd shared and we said we'd stay in touch, which proved to be a mistake. Our only contact after that was when she asked me for some holiday photos and didn't respond when I asked how she was doing. A few days later she deleted me on social media. I told myself I should give it some time, but couldn't avoid constant checking of Facebook, Instagram etc. It didn't really allow me to let go, and I continued to miss her and wonder if I'd done the wrong thing. The current lockdown situation ramped these feelings up and I decided to contact her again. She told me she was upset that she hadn't contacted me sooner after we broke up and didnt think we should meet again. I've since seen her on a clue of occasions on the street and waved hello as we live close, once holding hands with another guy which was very difficult to see. Its been over 4 months since we broke up and I finally took the long overdue decision to block her and her friends on everything, partly not to have to see photos of a new relationship but also to get her out of my mind. I've started seeing someone else recently also but have no plans to start anything remotely serious soon. Despite the troubles we had there's a nagging feeling that I've lost my soulmate and will never have that connection with someone again, someone I felt deeply for and is still on my mind a lot. There's no doubt there was something really powerful there and it's very difficult to imagine finding that with someone else or leaving her in the past, though I've now accepted I have to move on. There's also a nagging guilt and self-criticism that maybe I was a bad partner or its all my fault, and that I've lost her to someone else because I was too stubborn or took things the wrong way, and that some of these things could have been easily worked out with a little bit more communication. Something I've never really figured out is that especially after the initial couple weeks of seeing her I felt a bit apprehensive when we met up rather than madly in love, which made me question if her fears were right and I did just want someone else. Thinking back on our time together and judging by how I've felt since the breakup though I know that's not true, but those feelings maybe weren't as promiment as I'd expected or shed wanted. If you've made it this far thanks for reading. I know it's a long post and maybe there's no use over-analysing it but I'm trying to figure out what I can learn from it that might be useful in future for myself and how I can eventually move on. Cheers and Id appreciate any and all advice/thoughts.
  8. Hey... I suppose I already know the answer, but would appreciate some gentle opinions. I met a guy through a charity we work with, we chatted for a while, long story short, had lots in common etc. We agreed on a date...met, had a wonderful evening...But we slept together...I think it was to soon, now thinking about it..and I’ve never done that...it just felt right, and was an amazing night. We carried on talking and agreed to see each other again, we have lots in common, and he’s always saying things like, you really get me, I’m flattered to be around you, proud when we are out, love what we have etc. I like the guy. And am starting to feel really connected to him. Problem? I think he’s in it just for sex... I asked him before meeting him again, that I can’t do just sex with someone..and that I feel I can’t open up with someone I’m just sleeping with, so I don’t do it...I told him I like him, but he’s emotionally unavailable...he said he understood and agreed, and sorry for the confusion etc. I deleted his number, and straight away he asked why I did that! I told him that I don’t want the temptation of calling him. He was pissed off with me for that. When we do agree to meet, the week or so leading up to it, it’s lots of messages until the meet, then, nothing, and then a couple. Sometimes it’s been two weeks, no contact! So that’s why I stopped. A few weeks ago, he messaged...saying it’s a shame we can’t meet...we started talking... I asked why he got in contact, he said, he tried to draw a line under us, but it didn’t feel right. So we agreed to meet for dinner. ( before lockdown) Before that we was chatting and he was saying how he couldn’t wait to hold me..kiss me lovingly, he’s missed me etc Lots of lovely stuff... Invite me to stay at his place ( although that was 3 in the morning and him drunk) So I took that lighthearted I suppose I got a little scared and said is this just a sex thing again, as I can’t do this.. He replied ok, how about we stay friends and nothing more, I enjoy your company, So I agreed. Next day He was pissed off, he messaged “ how can I go from wanting to rip his clothes off to friends” I said, I like you, and I don’t want this to be friends with benefits, I know what I’m worth and I can give so much more..but I’m wasting my time if you just want sex. He replied fine. And hasn’t spoke to me in two weeks..he removed me from Instagram the day after that message. I’m just confused, he comes as he likes me..but just puts sex in the way.. And I don’t want to be someone’s fwb, I’m 42, I know what I want.. Was he just using me?
  9. My fwb wants to stop hooking up because I confessed my feelings for him. He says he doesn’t feel the same yet he says he feels attached to me and gets jealous of other men that try talking to me. Can you really be attached to someone without having feelings for them?
  10. Long story short, a girl and I were in a pretty confusing situation. We were friends with benefits but as it commonly occurs, it got confusing and we decided to stick with just being friends. We got really close over a short amount of time and ended up hooking up 4 more times after that. After we finally drew the line, she would still continue to cross boundaries. I was going to a party that a couple of her friends were at, and she told me "don't get swooped up by my hot a** friends". Another night, she randomly texted me and asked me if I was talking to anybody trying to make her jealous. Once again I just didn't know how to respond. Yes, I did like her, and I liked her a lot. She knew I liked her, and I was so thrown off and confused as to why she was saying that stuff. I wasn't wishful thinking, but I didn't know why she would even consider saying those things if she didn't like me. It just didn't make sense. So last night, I texted and asked her why she was doing this, and that it was confusing me. She said she was saying those things as a joke. She was like 'I didn't know it was that confusing for you'. The way she was responding was like she was trying to make me feel stupid. But I had no idea she was joking. I've never had a girl joke about that stuff, let alone send mixed signals for such a long time. Is it just me, or if a girl says that to a guy like in my situation , isn't that a little confusing? Why would a girl do that? I'm just kinda surprised and caught off guard. What do you guys think? I really want to wrap my head around this...
  11. Hey there, it is going to be very long so let me start with a thank you for your time. Me and my friend (we know each other for like 7 years or so) started having sex recenetlly. I never had an FWb before and i started having sex with him cause i trusted him and knew that i wont fall for him. He's very handsom, funny, caring, it is not just about the sex.. we cuddle a lot, sleeps together (he wont let me go home after the sex lol) and i tell him everything. I never text him cause i don't want to bother him but he text me everyday, replay on my IG storys, etc.. I asks his opinions about my dating life and he helps me out (and always say "i allow you to date him for a year and then we'll get married") He's very jealous about me, and he tries his best to make me jealous as well. Let me get to the point.. We are very close friends, i trust him and love him with all my heart (as a friend, and a bomb sex) but he's a boy. I got pissed off the other day cause for the last week i feel like he's taking me for granted, i always give him attantion, compliments, stuff that he needs (smoking etc..) but he nearly never says something good to me, always says that i'm weird and difficult. I told him that i want to know if im importent to him and if he cares for me as a friend and that i feels that he's taking me for granted and all he has to say was "i really love you, i really do, but i can't understand what you want, everything was fine an hour ago, you're to difficult for me and i can't understant you, you're a freak. You need to find people like you, we won't work and we'll harm each other, you're amazing and i love you, you're one of the most fun girls i ever met, you're the first that i call, but we need to end this." Please help, is he bipolar?! I don't get it..
  12. Hi everyone, It is my first post here and a bit long, sorry about that. To summarize, I was attracted to my best friend but kept it to myself. We are both in our late 20s and have been best friends for a couple of years, and known each other for 7 years. He started flirting with me after his on again off again 4 year old relationship ended. Theirs was mostly a long distance relationship, me and her did know each other much. After about 2 months of flirting, we talked about it and decided to try dating. After two weeks, he told me he loved me but was not in love with me. He did not know why he started flirting with me, just found me attractive and wanted to act on it. He wanted to see if it would be more but did not feel committed after we started. He still wanted to go on dates or vacations with me, and sex was great between us, but he did not want to risk our friendship by entering a relationship when he was not in love, and did not want to stay monogamous to someone he did not love after getting out of a loving relationship. He also did not feel ready to flirt with anyone yet, said I was the only one he could approach. He did not try to meet anyone, and felt cold when someone flirted with him when we were together. I think he is still like that. I should have stopped it then but it evolved into friends with benefits with exclusivity which lasted for 4 months. I was the one who finished it. Now I know it is great that he told it before I got more attached, and I can even understand him a bit but I still feel hurt and rejected. I am angry that he acted without thinking, that he thought his nonexistent feelings would change only after sex when we knew each other so much, that he thought only a relationship would risk our friendship and sex or dating would not. Am I right to insist he had to really think on his feelings before approaching me? Or am I overthinking about it? We talked about my emotions and my feeling hurt, he apologized sincerely but does not think he mistreated me, or it was a rebound for him. It has been 3 months since we went back to being just friends but letting go of my negative feelings is hard. The initial pain is gone and I sometimes feel totally fine. But sometimes anger and hurt comes back. My attraction to him is gone, but unfortunately my respect and trust for him as my best friend also have diminished. I don’t even know how I will feel when he gets a new girlfriend, I am afraid I will compare myself to her. I sometimes feel annoyed with him and bitter, but sometimes I have no problems with him and feel normal. It feels tiring to have these mood swings. I just want to let it go and stop being this bitter or resentful. Would appreciate advice on how to achieve this because obviously I am not very good at it. Thanks very much.
  13. Im a 21 male and he is 37, we've been in a fwb situation for the past year and we're thinking of taking our relationship to the next level and start officially dating, but we are trying to figure out the logistics to see if it would even work. Some background info, he works at the college I go to (not a Professor/TA) and lives pretty close to me as well, so seeing each other/spending time together isn't a problem, as I can pop on over anytime. We really love each other and want to make this work, but we have been trying to figure out if it'd work and have gotten stuck and could use some outside advice. The main 2 questions we've been talking about are being what's the best way to be introduced to each others friends and family and what to do about work events. Like he has a pretty high standing for his job and obviously there are events where he's been asked to bring a plus one. And by bringing me, it would be a little out of place, as I'm currently a student at the school and I would hate to ever ruin his reputation. So if anyone has any advice on how to ease into these things, that'd be great because we've each never done an age gap relationship before.
  14. I wrote a previous post will give a quick summary. Dated this girl for three months. We’d decided to be exclusive. On the last month I was dating her some bad/dramatic things happened in her life. She became depressed and kept blowing me off, so I only saw her once in the month. At the end of it she dumped me and said let’s just be friends. I rejected the friendship. And told her to take her space. Then unfriended her on Facebook. But creeped her page and she’d instantly gone into a relationship with another guy. They dated for two weeks. Then she dumped him and came back to me apologizing. I thought that I could have a fwb relationship with her. But we started talking all the time, going out on dates, cuddling, etc. So it started feeling like a relationship. She updated her Facebook profile pic and she was looking good, and I noticed that the dude that she’d previously dumped me for had liked it with a heart emoji. I looked as some other of her posts and noticed that he was liking everything that she posted. This kinda sent me off the rails and I just called her out on everything that she’d done. She turned it around on me and said that if I had a problem with any of this I should’ve brought it up when we first started dating. So I told her that I have an issue with this guy still being in her orbit. She said that if I have an issue with it, it’s a me problem. At which point in time I told her that I’m done and blocked her on all channels. She messaged me on her friends phone telling me that I’m a moron. And I blocked her friends number too. Then I was talking to a mutual friend and she was telling me about how heart broken she is etc and that I should talk to her. So I spoke with her and she was just like “I’ll be fine”. So I was like okay then have a goodnight. Anyway. I know there’s a whole bunch of drama here. And I just want to vent a bit about it. The way she turned things around on me made me second guess myself for my decision to dump her. She acts like she did nothing wrong and that I’m a crazy idiot for even bringing any of this up.
  15. We met a year and a half ago at work. We pretty much immediately started hanging out as we had the same circle of friends. We then started sleeping together. Neither Of us was wanting anything serious it was purely casual. We both had recently gotten out of long-term relationships. We have created a strong bond between us and I consider him a good friend. To the point where when we both needed a new place to live we decided that we would move in together to help each other. (Que the alarm) it was originally going to be three of us in the apartment. Him and I and one of his friends. That is not what happened. We ended up getting a two bedroom just me and him. We have had numerous discussions on how we both wanna keep it professional if we will be living together. I completely agreed not knowing How i really felt at that time. Easy peezy lemon squeezy right? The sexual relationship ended a few months before we moved in together. Since moving in at the end of January (so not that long); there of been some extremely awkward and sexual tension related moments. Which I completely ignored knowing full well that this could end badly. I know I’m not crazy, I know he felt it too. He can be extremely flirtatious at times and I get mixed readings on certain situations. Anyways cut to tonight where he brings a girl over to the new place. they are all ***ing over each other immediately in front of me. That’s when it hit me. I tried to act super casual and nice to the girl. I’m literally sitting on the couch and they’re all ***ing over each other next to me. He would kiss her and look at me. *** is that? I felt like a ***ing idiot. I got sick to my stomach, which is when I realized that I have feelings for him. She went to the bathroom and he was asking me how I felt about her. Asking me for advice?! ***! Then they went upstairs and I died inside. I know that I cannot say a word. He clearly does not see me as anything but a friend and roommate and that’s ok. I know that there is absolutely no way in hell I can ever tell him or anyone how I actually feel. It will ruin everything and we just moved in. So please don’t say break the lease cause that’s not an option. I know I need to just move on and push these feelings away. Idk why he is asking me for advice and this ain’t the first time he’s done that either.
  16. So I posted here the other week. I dated a really close friend for a while. We broke up at the start of the year but soon after decided to start seeing each other again as friends with benefits which has lasted all year until the last month when she very quickly distanced herself and dropped me for someone else. I've been moving on from the situation and been feeling good about things since. I've thrown myself into work and socialising but it's still a constant reminder in the back of my head. I get it but it really sucks. It's the fact that we were so close for so long. Even before we started dating, we've been close for 10 years. I just feel so hollow not being able to talk to her. The last time we spoke was last week. We'd argued a lot but no matter what she kept messaging me back to talk as friends and see if I was okay and to apologise about how crap the situation is and I hoped we could go back to being close friends which she insisted she wanted more than anything. And then she told me her new guy isn't happy about us talking. She gave a short apology and stopped messaging. I missed her but understood but what really hurt was her messaging again a few days later. She told me in a very cold way that maybe in the future we can get along (she didn't say friends) but right now she needs space. She then reiterated that she needed space even after I said I understood. Then she said if I need emotional support (?) then let her know which felt demeaning. She ended it with hopefully I can meet her new guy some day... Since then I've left her to it. I feel like I've lost a massive part of my life. For 10 years we've talked regularly and the last year and a half she's been the person I turn to about everything. But it's gone now and I've lost my best friend. And it's the fact that she just doesn't care about me. What's worse is I know I'll have to see her soon through mutual friends. That or distance myself from them which I dont want to do.
  17. Maybe some of you have read my previous posts and whatnot but the summary of it is im 18 and he is 19, we dated for three years and broke up almost 6 months ago. At first we became fwb but i broke it off in august/early September. Yesterday night my ex and I were talking (we have been in regular contact) and I asked how his party was on friday night and he said it was okay and admitted that while he was out at a party he realised how ungrateful he was. He has jokingly said “can i be your boyfriend” or maybe seriously im not sure but usually I brush it off. Yesterday he asked if we could go out for dinner and movies I havent exactly gave him an answer as I am getting ready for an event. During this time we both have not seen or spoken to anyone new. Does anyone have any tips on how i should take this on. I don’t exactly want to get back without easing into it. I do still have feelings for him.
  18. Its a long one so here goes..... My ex and i had been together for 2 years. Engaged for 8 months of that. We have known each other for 5 years. The first 3 years we were FWB. Ive always had feelings for him. I ended up pregnant and we had limited contact during the pregnancy. Once the baby was born he was always there for us. When she was a few months old he decided he wanted us to give things a proper go, and that he had been thinking about it for a while, that DD put everything into perspective for him. We had an amazing relationship. Very few disagreements and next to no arguements. I fell pregnant again when DD was 10 months old. Everything was great. We were looking to move in together and at christmas he proposed. We would take the children out on day trips and weeks away and just have family trips to the park and things like that. We went away at the end of june and i became quite ill. When we returned home i had my illness to deal with along with helping out with my mum who had become sick following complications of an extensive operation. This meant that i got caught up in family problems and didnt make as much time for him as i should of. We didnt see eachother for almost 2 months despite him asking every week if we were going to stay at his. He was always telling me how in love with me he was and that he missed me and couldnt wait for our future together and that he wanted us to have another baby once we we're living together. Then out of nowhere he suddenly ended things. He said that his head was a mess and he didnt want to lose me but thought that not being in a relationship might be good for him. He said he needed a break to work out of he still loved me or not because he thinks he had fallen out of love. I asked if there was anyone else and he said no. He said he still cared for me and always would and that we never know what the future will hold. He said that it was best we didnt see eachother for a little while as he didnt think seeing me would help him right now. 2 weeks later (last week) we met up for him to see the children. It was the first time we had seen eachother since returning from holiday in june. Things were great. Like nothing had changed. We laughed and played with the children in the park before taking then for a pub lunch. We talked, not about the relationship or the break up but just about general things. He kept the conversation flowing, asking questions. There was no awkwardness at all. I noticed he was still wearing his ring but half way through meeting had taken it off. A couple of times he seemed abit down, bleary eyed but when i asked if he was ok he just said yes and shrugged it off. I text him later that evening to say it was good to see him and that the children had had a great time. He never replied I have since heard through a mutual friend that that night he got into a relationship with a girl he had slept with at work after our break up. He suffers with anxiety and depression and can be very insecure. I think this played a big part in him ending things as he probably wouldve felt like i wasnt interested anymore because we hadnt seen eachother. Plus obviously not seeing eachother also means not having sex. He hasn't taken down anything on social media apart from his relationship status so the last fee photos on instagram are of me with quotes like my world and things like that so anyone looking would assume we were still together. And he posts things on facebook about over thinking and hoping for better times, and how bad times show you whos always been there for you. Along with quite a few quotes about depression. Could seeing and spending time with me like old times have made him think maybe he had made a mistake and thats why hes suddenly jumped into a new relationship?
  19. I had just gotten out of my first relationship at the time and wanted to hook up with someone I know I wouldn't get attached to. I'll admit I wasn't in the best state of mind the few weeks after my first breakup. But anyways at this point in time my bf and I were in the "talking" phase, texting pretty much everyday, he did confess his feelings to me but at the time I only thought of him as a friend. In his mind though, we were dating/together when I slept with this guy. That is not true, we were only in the talking phase. We didn't become official until 3 weeks after I slept with the guy. Anywho, I started to fall for my bf later on, so I stopped seeing my FWB. He would sometimes message me to ask me how I am while I was in a relationship with my bf and I'd respond half of the time. One day, my bf saw his message notification on my phone and asked me about it and I thought that being completely honest about who he is would be the best thing to do. I was wrong. I asked my bf if it would make him more comfortable if I block and delete this guy on all social media. He said yes so I obliged. I've had this guy blocked and deleted for months now, I no longer talk to him. Fast forward till now, we have been together for 9 months now, and my bf brings this same issue up every. single. week. He obsesses over the little details about my encounter/relationship with this FWB, and asks me stuff like "did he F you good? did you love his muscles? is it because he's way better looking than me?" "why'd you have to sleep with him first before deciding you wanted to be serious with me?" "you should go F him since you care about F-ing him more than me"... the list goes on. He told me he evens imagines me having sex with this guy and gets disgusted with himself. It hurts me so bad and I start crying when he explodes on me like that, because I've been nothing but loyal to him and I make sure he knows that I love him and only him. I don't give him reasons to think otherwise. I don't know what he expects me to do at this point, I've done everything I can. We fight about this nearly every week and he tells me he doesn't want to break up and that he'll always love me no matter what. I don't want to breakup either because I'm in love with this guy. We have a great relationship aside from this. We are so compatible and I have never met someone I could connect so much with... it just pains me so much when he brings this up every week and I feel helpless. I guess my question is do I break up with him because he can't move on from the past or do stay with him, be patient and let time heal everything?
  20. I met Nate in high school and was instantly smitten. We were best friends and a couple for two years -- we laughed, cried, and adventured together. We agreed on important life views and our chemistry was explosive. We made each other happy and went above and beyond to make sure the other felt loved. I trusted him implicitly and thought I'd truly found my "forever" person. I knew that we were really young, but I hoped that we would be one of the rare "high school sweetheart" couples to really make it -- we agreed on everything important, had an amazing time together, were supportive of each other, and only had eyes for each other. We were truly "in love" -- it was a real, forever kind of feeling. But Nate had a lot of baggage. I knew about it from the beginning, but he seemed amazingly well adjusted for someone who had gone through that much. He had a rough upbringing and an unstable family. He never knew where his next meal was coming from, and his mom was constantly working to support them. His dad was a deadbeat drug dealer who had stalked them for years after his mom left him, assaulted them, and was an absent father after he lost track of them. He was hit and killed jumping in front of a semi trying to get insurance money. Despite all that, Nate was always genuinely happy (I could always tell if something was bothering him), and was grateful for anything positive that came his way. He wasn't going to go to college after high school, but after some encouragement from myself and my parents, he finally started applying himself in school. He was so smart, and after my mom helped him with scholarships, got in to college with an amazing resume. He was a humble, kind, handsome, polite, and chivalrous young guy. I was so in love with him and all the good things about him. He did have a few quirks that I thought were cute/not bad at the time, but looking back, they were more insidious than I thought. He was irrationally jealous a lot during our relationship and was extremely threatened by my ex-boyfriends. He was hurt if he knew I found anyone other than him attractive, and he was always asking if my exes were "better than him" in bed. He was extremely attentive and we talked nonstop beginning, which at first I loved, but began to be stressful to me. He would want to know where/who I was with a lot, and if I was out with friends, he would get jealous. He would say things like "I wish you were with me instead, I miss you". We both began isolating ourselves from family and friends to spend ALL our time together. He would often ask me to cancel long standing plans to spend the day with him, and I began to inadvertently lose myself in this relationship. He showered me with compliments in the beginning, but when I deflected some of them (I have body dysmorphic disorder and have struggled with anorexia and he knew this) he would get extremely irritated and say "fine, don't believe me then" or "I've tried convincing you but I guess my opinion doesn't matter". Sometimes I found myself apologizing for upsetting him when I didn't do anything wrong -- it felt off to me, but I just wanted him to be happy again so I ignored my feelings. These are all observations in hindsight, however -- I assumed all of these things were just because he was a "passionate" guy, that Latinos are notoriously "jealous" people, and that his complete lack of control in his childhood (he lost his dad, had to move around constantly, was abandoned by his mom for several years, lived in poverty his entire life, had no control over food, shelter, or clothes) made him a bit overly-controlling now, so I accepted the jealousy and temper. It actually began to rub off on me-- since I had isolated myself, I now grew jealous when he went out with his friends (I felt like I didn't have any anymore because of him) and asked where he was all the time. I grew jealous of past ex girlfriends and insecure about myself. I started to lie compulsively to keep him happy. But I make it sound like a horrible, awful relationship--in reality, I had a lot more GOOD times for two years than bad. In all, I was very, VERY happy and still wanted to spend the rest of my life with this person. I didn't think that these things were deal breakers at the time, because I loved so many other things about him--he was kind, caring, giving, sweet, attentive, and loyal. He was supportive and funny, and we clicked on so many levels. We were head-over-heels for each other, and we talked about our future all the time. It all changed when he came to college, though. He withdrew from me bit by bit. He became distant and cold; I didn't know what was happening to the person I fell in love with two years ago. It was heartbreaking to know something was going on, but I couldn't get him to tell me. He was indifferent to my tears, which was a shocking change from someone who used to shower attention and support on me when I was upset. He just kept skating around my questions and treating me oddly. We began fighting a lot because he kept denying something was wrong, and our sex life plummeted. It seemed mechanical, and it wasn't the sweet, caring kind of sex anymore -- it was distant. Barely any kissing or anything, and then just sleep afterwards. Sometimes he would just wake me in the middle of the night, we would do it, and immediately go back to sleep. I spent so many nights crying, with my back turned to his, wondering what I had done wrong. What was wrong with me to turn him into this distant, irritable person I didn't recognize. Eventually, it all came to a head. One night, he said he was studying and would be back around 11. I went to bed, but woke at around 12:30. I called, and he said he would be a little late, but something felt weird. I stayed up, waiting for him to come home, but he never did. He didn't answer any of my calls. I felt completely destroyed, because the old Nathan would NEVER do this to me. I paced back and forth, shaking, completely distraught -- I even went on a run at 4:00 am to try and calm my nerves. Nothing worked. He called me in the morning, and tried to sound "chipper". I was pissed, and I let him know. He apologized and said he had "fallen asleep", but I wasn't buying it. After awhile, he called back and said we needed to talk...and I knew it was over. Another girl had kissed him, and he let her. In fact, he kissed her back. Although he insisted she made the first move and he never would've made a move, it didn't matter to me. The old Nate never would have put himself in that situation anyway. We drove to the parking lot of Bed Bath and Beyond, and this is where he broke up with me. I was devastated beyond repair. I thought this was the person I would marry, have children with, and grow old with. I thought I would spend the rest of my life waking up to his smiling face. I thought that I would tell our grandchildren our story, and be blissfully happy forever and ever. But instead, he sat there, awkward and silent, while I sobbed so hard I began to dry heave. I was disgusted with his actions and astounded by his lack of emotion. I could tell he was genuinely sorry about cheating, but he was so detached from it all and trying to make excuses. I told him to get out of my life, and he did for awhile. But of course, he couldn't for long. He came crawling back, saying "it was a mistake and I miss you". Thus started a very toxic cycle of getting back together and breaking up. Last summer, I tried to end it for good, and even went out on a date. He became desperate and begged me to give him another chance in earnest, so I did. Of course, that didn't last--my best friend sent me a screenshot of his Tinder profile a few weeks later. Heartbroken and enraged at my gullibility, I texted him pictures and told him not to talk to me. He didn't even bother responding the next day, and even got angry with me--he said, "You're acting like I ed your best friend, or something--all I'm doing is snapchatting a few girls." This ignited a fuse in me and we started a very nasty argument. He began to use my past against me, and threw things in my face. I was so shocked and hurt that I told him to never speak to me again. I walked to his house (I didn't have a car) to drop off a gift basket for him, where I heard a girl giggling in his bedroom. When I knocked and shoved everything in his arms, all he said was ""thanks, anything else?" I stormed out, completely enraged. He came back a week later, saying he missed our friendship and couldn't live without me in his life (platonically speaking). So, I went into a friendship with him for all the wrong reasons. I still loved him, still hoped that the "old" him would come back, and thought if I hung out with him all the time, he wouldn't have time for another relationship to blossom. Of course, this situation was even MORE toxic than the first one. This is where a lot of the borderline emotional abuse red flags began popping up (and yes, I still stupidly ignored them). I don't think he behaved this way on purpose, but subconsciously, he knew that I still had strong feelings for him. He still doesn't realize how much he needs to be in complete control, and control was definitely was a driving force behind his inability to let me move on. I was still his therapist, best friend, study buddy, and eventual sex buddy, but out in public, we were "just friends". He was so hot and cold -- attentive and happy one minute, withdrawn and uncommunicative the next. We would talk multiple times a day, and then not at all for days at a time. He tried to hide it from me, but I knew he went out with other women and even butt dialed me once on a date. He sent me such mixed signals--"I miss you", "come over", "I want to hang out"...he would cuddle me, kiss me, and tell me how much he enjoyed/appreciated me as a person. When I expressed that I was confused by our ambiguous relationship, he would dismiss me like my feelings were invalid or "crazy". He would gaslight me over certain situations when I'd call him out for sending mixed signals--it was always "I don't remember it that way," "I'm sorry you saw it that way, but it actually went this way," "I never said/did that", "Give me an extremely detailed example of when I did that" (If I didn't have a ton of details about what happened apparently it just didn't happen at all). He knew what pushed my buttons and sometimes did them to be "funny", and when I got irritated, he would be flabbergasted (and then angry that I got angry). I began to doubt my own judgement and wondered if I had a completely distorted sense of reality. I wondered if I was a drama queen or "crazy" for feeling the things I felt. I didn't trust myself anymore, but my common sense still knew not to trust him either. I became the "crazy " that I vowed never to be -- snooped through his phone, got upset over things I shouldn't, obsessed over where/who he was with....I regret everything I did, because I should've just taken my lack of trust as a sign to leave. Red flags began to pop up everywhere in my mind, both from the past and in the present. I began to realize that our previous relationship was far from perfect and we even bordered on emotionally abusive at times. But we were still best friends; thick as thieves--we talked on the phone every day, told each other everything, studied together, and still had so much fun together. I worried about him, too, because after coming to college, he became extremely depressed. He felt like he lived a life of blissful ignorance in high school but college exposed him to the cold hard facts of his life -- his past was messed up, his brain was imbalanced, and he hated himself. I wanted him to be okay and to make sure he didn't feel alone since I was his only lifeline. A couple of weeks ago, we got drunk at my apartment. I can't remember how it started, but we started talking about our relationship. I said that I thought it was unhealthy for me and he feigned innocence--"we're just friends, though." I had told him repeatedly through our friendship (with benefits, I might add) that I still had feelings, so it's not like he didn't know. I asked him why he couldn't see us being in a relationship together ever again, and he made some valid (but still hurtful) points about my lack of assertiveness and confidence. He said my self esteem was too low. This made me angry, because I don't think he ever realized just how much his cheating took a toll on my self confidence -- I doubted myself so much after that night and what was wrong with me to make him stray. He also said that I was "too much of a doormat", didn't call him on his enough, and changed myself constantly to impress him (he even said I became an Orientation Leader JUST to impress him). We got in a huge fight, and as usual, he tried to turn the tables on me. Being drunk, I didn't back down like I usually did, so this upset him. I told him he made me feel like my feelings were crazy or invalid, and he started to shut down. I knew the conversation wasn't going anywhere constructive so I told him to leave. I blocked him on social media and called my friend Amy to hash things out. The next morning, he called and said last night was really bad; we should talk about it. I told him I didn't think it was good for my mental health to continue being friends while still having such strong feelings. I needed a break to heal. He suggested we do "no contact" and actually stick to it this time, so I agreed and said I would reach out IF I was ever ready. We didn't speak at all for a few weeks, and I started to feel a lot better in a surprisingly short amount of time. Of course I missed him, but I felt a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders--I could move on with my life! I started working out again (I had been so stressed I had been sleeping too much and barely eating), going out with friends, talking to family, flirting with boys, and just pampering myself. I was finally getting to a good place. I had time to reflect on just how many red flags I should've been paying attention to during our and how much it had torn me down as a person. I had become completely codependent on this person. I sacrificed my needs and wants constantly for him. I blew off friends and family constantly. I had constantly been seeking his approval and desire, even though he broke my heart over and over. I was constantly sacrificing things for him--plans, alone time, things I wanted to do, where I wanted to study--to do whatever he wanted. I would drop everything for him, and it definitely wasn't reciprocated for the last two years of our "off and on" phase--I let him call ALL the shots. At first, this was okay--we both couldn't get enough of each other. But now it seemed like I was the one giving up everything to make him happy and he did nothing. I had such a hard time standing up for myself, because he would be so insistent on persuading me otherwise it made me feel guilty for not feeling the same way. I don't know what to do now because he called me a few days ago. He said he was having a horrible time in school, had no motivation, didn't "click" very well with his other classmates (he's in a competitive nursing school with only 15 others in his class), and that he missed me. He said that he felt horrible for the things he said that night, and that he's treated me so badly over the last few years. He told me that if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't even be in college, or alive for that matter -- and that scared me. I asked him if he was still suicidal (he had been the year before, but had seemingly gotten better), and he said yes. He said that it comes and goes--that he has good days where he feels normal but other days where he doesn't want to be alive anymore. He said that he misses talking to me and not being in my life, and begged me to stay in Bozeman for my nursing school (I'm probably moving to another town since Nursing is so competitive in Bozeman). I felt horrible that I hadn't been there for him, and I sent him a link to a counselor. He wants to set up an appointment together on Tuesday this week and has been reaching out more and more regularly. Now, I feel like I've betrayed myself in opening up the lines of communication again. I feel like if I keep talking to him, I'll let the same unhealthy cycle we were stuck in will start all over again since I'm not over him yet. But at the same time, I feel like it's my responsibility to make sure he's okay and won't do anything to hurt himself. I still love him a lot, but I know that he has a lot of baggage to work through. He's a 19 year old boy, and has a lot of growing left to do. But I've spent too much time and energy trying to make him see just how much I love and care, only to have him walk all over my heart. I'm tired of waiting for him to go back to his "old self" -- who knows if he'll ever come back? I just don't know what to do. I want him to be okay and not hurt himself, but MY mental health is important too. I can't spend another year crying and begging him to tell me "what we are". I can't take another "we're just friends" speech, and I can't handle the awkward distant silence when I try to make him understand my feelings. I care a lot still and am worried about his suicidal ideations, but don't know how to save myself. What do I do? I still really care about him, but I'm afraid of falling back into something toxic. I realize that I shouldn't feel bad or responsible, since he's the one who hurt me and gave up, but I still feel a strong pull to help (or get him help). He had a horrible, unstable, abusive childhood and I think a lot of his abusive tendencies stem from it. I know that I exhibit some abusive behavior as well that stem from this relationship and my own insecurities. What do i do to help him without falling back into the toxic cycle we were in?
  21. First off, I always state I am just seeking friendship so there should be no confusion because I have yet to find a "make a friend" app lol. That being said, everytime I dip my toe back into the dating pool, I find the same problem. After moments of conversing it always turns sexual. I get it, we are adults. You are attracted to me in a sexual way... but why does it happen so fast now a days??? It's like they are chomping at the bit and I feel like I have no value other than sexually. It doesn't matter that I'm an amazing partner that would do anything to make him happy, it's more like... do you wanna be fwb and see where it goes? Yuck, no thank you🤮 🤣. OR they are super needy and message like non stop. I honestly just want to make new friends and usually I get along better with guys. Are there sites to make friends? Craigslist had strictly platonic but now that is gone. Maybe if I had a true guy friend... I wouldn't have wasted as much time as I did in my current situation; which I am working myself out of. Baby steps🤞
  22. My ex and I dated for three years, we broke up three months ago. I initiated this breakup out of momentary anger because I felt like he no longer cared about me after he promised to call me when I was having a really bad day and ignored me to play video games and messaged me hours later like nothing had happened. It sounds childish but in the moment, I felt like he no longer cared. Obviously he did fight for me but i ignored him out of anger. The next night we met up and he agreed to breakup to which I said that i initiated a break out only our of momentary anger. That night he said he no longer loved me which does not reasonate with me since everything felt fine and he still fought for me the night before. We have been talking since (usually im the one initiating contact) and he responds with very short answers as he does not usually talk to people in general (introverted). He said that the notion of a relationship tired him. It’s been three months and we have been sexting and have met up three times to have sex. If we continue this friends with benefits relationship, is there a way for us to connect as lovers again and get back together? I’m also thinking of cutting off contact until he messages me first as I have been initiating contact all this time.
  23. I can get long winded, so I'm going to try my best to keep this short. Plus, I don't want to give away too many details, in the off chance that he reads this post. (I did put a TL;DR at the bottom.) I met a guy via an online game, and I'm not sure what to think of our relationship. We haven't met in person, but I've seen his photos and Facebook profile; and we've done voice chat a few times. I'm going to call him Guy. Guy and I first started talking because we are both in the same guild. The guild has a Discord channel, so we mainly chat in there. (I've known Guy a little over a year.) Initially, I bantered with Guy...but we ended up creating an ongoing joke between us which led to chatting more often. I never considered it to be more than casual talk. Side note: I never spoke on a mic in Discord. I would just text chat. He would joke all the time that I needed to get a mic. (Sometimes, I wondered if he was slightly obsessed about it?) Fast forward, Guy ended up private messaging me that he enjoyed talking to me and wanted to chat more than casually. Somewhere in the conversation, Guy confessed that he was lonely and hadn't been in a relationship for several years. It began to feel as if he were looking for a girlfriend. I wondered if Guy was only taking interest in me out of convenience (being one of 4 known girls in the guild) and desperation, so I asked about both. Guy said no; he said he didn't love me or anything. I explained and made it clear that I wasn't looking for a relationship since I couldn't handle one at the moment. Guy said he was slightly disappointed; but honestly, he just wanted to get to know me better. We agreed to be friends. Since then, Guy and I have been talking as friends for over a month. We've really spoken a lot within the last 2.5 weeks. Since we became friends, Guy has told me a lot about himself and past relationships. He's even sent photos and shared his Facebook profile. I told him I didn't feel comfortable adding him or sharing photos of my face and explained my reasons. He was fine with that, but hoped I might show my face in the future. He did seem to push about voice chatting though, and I gave in. I finally started voice chatting with Guy a week ago. Not only that, we have flirted and teased with each other. Guy sent me some sexy photos, I sent him some sexy photos (no face), and then he sent me some nudes and UDPs...he's even done a few video chat "shows." I haven't done any "shows" or sent nudes. I prefer not to do that. (I've told him this, and he said it was fine.) My problem: I'm really confused about what this is anymore. Is it still simply friends? Sometimes, I'm not 100% sure that he's really interested in me as a person; I tend to carry the conversation often. I've spoken about it a few times with him, and Guy has told me I need to trust and have more faith in him and that he is interested. What's more, I feel like he enjoys sending nudes lately. More confusing...Guy will send me messages that he misses me. He's asked if I've fallen for him yet. He will often joke about me coming to live with him (since I have a not-so-great living situation right now). We've even gone into the details. And he once joked about marriage...at least, I took it as a joke. I can't figure out if Guy is forming a fantasy, getting serious, or using me to get off. A few days ago, I tried to get clarification about our relationship. I asked if we were still just friends, online friends with benefits, or e-dating. He put a laugh face and said we are "strangers that cum together"; since he hasn't seen my face, video chatted with me, nor spoken to me much via voice chat. I said I'd rather "online friends with benefits" since it sounded nicer...but later, said I changed my mind and preferred e-dating. He never replied about it. Today was odd, since it was more like a getting-to-know you/first date type of vibe. Odd, but nice. Guy said he missed me, made more of an effort to carry the conversation, and didn't mention anything sexual or send any nudes (they were starting to seem like an everyday occurrence.) TL;DR: Guy that I've known from game wanted to get to know me more. He was bummed I wasn't ready for a relationship, but said we could be friends. Has it changed into something more? I am interested, but not ready to do anything about it. He sends mixed messages. With text, he doesn't talk a lot unless I initiate; with voice chat, he talks more; he sends nudes and likes to cum for me (is he just using me?); jokes often about me moving in with him; sends me cute emoji and messages that he misses me. What's his game? Should I dial it down?
  24. Here's the shortest way I can describe my situation. I dated a guy for 2 and a half years, a time that included 3 or 4 major break-ups. The last one was huge, and it was promised by him to be the last. That was back in June. Then in December, after months of no contact and what seemed like absolutely no chance of rekindling the relationship, he called me on my birthday and we started talking on the phone again. We proceeded to hang out on new years eve as well as new years day (the first time seeing each other in 6 months) and now it has gotten to the point where we hang out every weekend he is home from college and we act like a couple..cuddling, kissing very passionately, joking just like old times. THe only problem is that we haven't discussed where we stand relationship wise, and i just want to make sure we are both on the same level. I am more than excited at how things are going because I have wanted to get back together since the day that he left me, but at the same time I don't know how to bring up the subject of "getting back together" or our "relationship" without him feeling pressured or scaring him off. I am really happy with the way things are but I don't want to just be a friend with benefits to him but I don't want to mess things up either. Does anyone have any good advice as to what would be a good way to approach the topic in a way that won't scare him but will let it be known that I am not okay with just hooking up and that I want to move towards starting a relationship again? THanks in advance for your time. .. BTW...The reason I need help with this is because he asked me to come visit him at school this weekend which I know will lead to things happen physically between us. I don't want to leave not knowing where we stand because I feel like that is very violating to myself if we hook up but aren't together. It's weird because this weekend just happens to be what would of been our 3 year anniversary...
  25. Well, my ex and I are friends and have been since we mutually broke up last July for issues I needed to fix (which I did). She was very in love with me and claimed she was still in love with me last Dec. I don't know if she still is because I haven't asked her. We have been friends with benefits until a month ago when we just stopped I think because she has been with someone new. She said she wanted me to date others last Dec. when I asked her back out because I was her first serious relationship and she claimed she wanted to make sure she was the one. She has been dating up a storm recently and I haven't found anyone I like yet. We talk on the phone and she hasn't asked me who I am seeing like she usually does, nor have I asked her. We talk about everyday or every other day. I do want her back but everytime I try "no contact" she calls and makes me feel guilty for not calling or she will sense I am distancing myself and call to borrow something or ask me a dumb question. I am 26 and she is 21 by the way. She does want to be friends as she trys to remain friends with all her ex's. Should I remain friends with her since we've been so close since the breakup and keep talking to her on the phone and maybe she'll come back, or should I really distance myself from her? What is the best thing to do in this situation if you really want her back?
×
×
  • Create New...