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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. Deepest of wells, black where the night billows its inky plume I search for the glimmering of something farther away than I can calculate within their shadows Perhaps I will find it beyond looking Perhaps I must blind myself to see the very Core of them Arcs of the moon, chipped and swallowed, drowned in the lowest bottom of this underground sound, Do you hear me? Invisible words blaze white in the waters of your forge A fire someone forgot to tend long ago when they closed their gates and left hinges to rust in overgrown weed Now is it for me to glimpse into those blinking trenches where everything happened and an umber grave was dug? Soft mirrors of me, do you know what I see within? Soft mirrors, music, chambers and windows Stained with unbearable silence You ran dry and filled with groundwater all at once. Flooded while no one was guessing. Is the rain coming? I want to cover you from the sky but you are the sky I won’t be far but I know I am too small for You. Urchin wanderer, shivering, sunken down in the mossy cistern, your crystalline irises bathed in hiding. Will you yield a cupful? With pulleys and ropes and buckets broken as the stones... I drape myself over them over the wall over the jagged edge and lean in Will you let my lips touch your surface? Soft mirrors of me, I cannot see. But in you I taste eternity.
  2. Loves Lost. Loves can grow and some will fade against the curve along the grain I will pull myself from death I will long to be myself I wont be your mattress to lie on, lay on, ignore I wont be your heart cold, tore, and bored I'm not your perfect world I've got flaws like every man But appreciate the human spirit that lies inside us men I wont change for anyone not anymore, for you Appreciate me for who I am or I will forget about you. oh wait, who are you? -------------------- Eternal My love for you is like a spring a flower without a weed it grows and grows so beautiful ever blossoming Eternal is the sunshine that I see over your face the way your eyes they sparkle as I see the clouds fade The sun begins to dry your petals so beautiful they fall but what happens when their all gone your nothing at all, your nothing at all.
  3. well my gf and i broke up a month ago after 11 months of going out cause she grew apart from me...i went no contact with her for about a month and each and everyday i loved her more and more....and then i asked her if she liked me at all and she said iw asjust a friends to her now/... what do i do??i love her soo much...im jus a big mess now and i feel all depressed all the time...ive been smoking weed more and more everyday cause it helps me forget her and i cant think of anything without her...nothing i do is the same with out her....ineed a reason every morning to get up and i wish i would jus fall asleep and never wake up....please help me
  4. Hello. My Situation I'm right now in a relationship for 2 months. I know it's not that much. I mean we're both 18 years old. Anyway, we used to be friends and then we started liking each other and we decided to go out to see how it'll go. At first we both thought it would be like a Friends With Benefits relationship, but no, we started to like each other more and more every time and now we can call this a serious and official relationship. I'm the kind of girl of mind over heart. I don't like falling in love and getting hurt, and I'm not dumb and stupid in relationships meaning that I do not let a guy do whatever he wants with me. My dignity comes first than anything. I think I've never fall in love because I've never let it happen. Every time I feel I'm liking someone very much, I usually block myself and try not to feel anything more for the person. And this is what happening to me right now with the guy I'm dating. I'm scared, I guess. He's just like me in a guy version, me being much more in defense on falling in love. He usually tells me he's just letting things happen by its own and that he won't block himself and he wants me to do the same. But it's hard for me. Even more if he disappoints me and hurts me. His intentions are not hurting me or disappoint me, I think. He's really honest and he won't lie to me to make me feel better, and I like that, but I guess truth hurts sometimes. The Prob I've never found any problems against those who smoke weed or do drugs. I'm very open-minded about that, until now. I knew my boyfriend smokes weed and does drugs before I went out with him, and I didn't care at all. It's his life and I like him how he is and I'm no one to try to change him. But it's affecting me. He's smoking too much now and I found it not acceptable anymore. In fact, it disappoints me so much, HE disappoints me so much. It's a big let down for me now. And I'm trying so hard to accept him how he is, and accept his habits of smoking weed because I like him, and I want to be comfortable with everything he does, but it's so hard and it hurts, it hurts so much knowing he won't ever change for me, not that I would ever ask him to change for me because I don't want him to change, I mean, I would love for him to stop smoking but I know he won't and I won't ask him to stop. I don't want him to change for me, He won't change for me. He already told me he won't change for me and it hurts. VENTING It hurts because I'm not enough for him to change? I've told him few times this, about the disappointment and how it affects me, and you know? he tells me that if I don't like him for who he is, then I shouldn't be with him and this hurts me because I'm trying so hard to accept him how he is even though it affects me sooo much, and he tells me this and it hurts, IT HURTS SO MUCH. Am I not enough for him? Doesn't he care about my feelings? about how much harm he's making me? About how much he hurts and disappoints me? It hurts! How can I let myself fall in love with him without being scared, if he doesn't even think of me. I'm not saying he has to stop smoking (I wish, though) because I know he won't, but maybe he could talk to me and tell me he'll try his best to lower down or anything, but instead he tells me that if he slows down he won't do it for me, that he'll do it for him. Maybe he's right, but doesn't he think of me and how I feel? If he does it for him, he's doing it for me, too, but that isn't his intention. Doesn't he care about me? I'm so sad lately, and hurt, and disappointed, and I know I'm the kind of mind over heart strong girl with invisible barriers to protect myself from getting hurt, but I like this guy, I like him so much and even though it hurts I don't want to leave him, but there's always a limit. And sometimes I think I'm too much for him, and why should I be with someone who depends on smoking weed? That cares more about his weed than about his girlfriend's feelings? Bout how his actions hurt me? How his words make my heart break into 1000 pieces just when he says "I won't change for you, so if you don't like me then leave me." Someone who cared about someone wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that to him, because I wouldn't want him to leave me. If you say that it's because you really don't care about being or not being with the other person, because maybe I could've answer him "I don't want to be with you and I want to leave you" and he wouldn't mind. I shouldn't be with him, but I am, because I care about him this much and knowing he doesn't care about me as I do, hurts me. It breaks my heart.
  5. I just wanted to post a little bit about what I went through with my addiction. Maybe it will help somebody out in the long run if they hear my story. I think the first time I smoked marijuana was at 12. My mom always told me that "weed is a gateway drug" Yeah right whatever!!! HAHA.. boy was she ever write. I moved to Ohio when I was 14, my dad is an alcohalic and I felt I had to take care of him. WRONG CHOICE!!! When I was 17 I met a boy. At first it was soo good, nothing could go wrong. Well, I was always wondering why he would nodd off, or be really itchy at times. I finally asked him like 3 months later, and he's like do you want to try this pill? Well yeah. I mean who wouldn't. Then I started to get addicted. From Vikadin to Delatdids. That went on for about 3 1/2 years. I was so hooked, I wouldn't even get out of bed unless I had something. My back always hurt, I was just always in pain. I began to notice I was just like my father. That sucked! Pulled myself in even deeper, and started shooting up. I was shooting for about 1 year. My boyfriend was just absolutly insane. He was sooo bad on drugs, and sooo mean. Abusive, physical and verbal. But I was so hooked I didn't want to go anywhere, because those drugs were for free. Well I finally broke up with him in Feb. of 06'. It was like the BIGGEST relief off my shoulder I have ever had. Well, I moved in with his step dad and sister at their apartment. Started smoking crack. To this day I would never think I would be that person. I always said I will never do any other drug besides Weed. HA Forget that... Ive done everything under the sun. Like when I would look in the mirror at myself I would just want to puke, I hated myself. It got to the point where I didn't want to look anymore. Staying up for days, running around looking for * * * *. Just crazy how my life was. My X boyfriend and his sister went out one night on a 4 day crack beinge. That was it for me. I called my mom from a payphone and told her "Look mom I need you so bad right now, Im smoking crack, shootin pills and coke...PLEASE SAVE ME" She sent me to rehab. May 18, 2006 I got clean. That was the best and most scariest time of my life. I was sick of being sick and tired. I was scared to walk through those doors, scared of change, scared what it was like not to be drugged up, scared of everything. Rehab changed my life in more ways than I can count. I have been clean for 4 months TODAY, and Im a totally different person. If you would have known me BEFORE the drugs, you would have never thought I would be that type of person. I love my life now. I can look in the mirror now, and not be ashamed of seeing myself looking so deathly skinny. I love myself for once in my life. Life was hard, I always seemed to put myself in a situation where it would be difficult. But one thing I learned "God will never put anything in your life you can't handle." I attend N/A meetings regularly and they are great. They do help you. Well, that is my story. Just wanted to share, maybe it will help somebody. If you want to know more, cause' that was just a summary, just ask. Im not ashamed of what I went through. It only made me stronger. Thank you guys, Abby
  6. my boyfriend has quick temper as well as anixety disorder. He has been taking zoloft for 8 years, meanwhile he is also a heavy pot smoker. Now he is quitting smoking but really having difficult time. He is quiet depressed, bored and having bad dreams almost everynight. He quit smoking before and he said that wasn't this hard, because at that time he didn't take zoloft and he felt pot burn him out. But now, since he is taking zoloft, he doesn't really get the high (as high as before) and he doesn't feel burn out either, he doesn't have negative feelings toward pot,which also makes him feel less motivated to quit. To understand how pot affect our behaviors, I tried once and did get the high. It made me really don't care about anything, I felt I was disconnected from the reality, I had nothing to do with whatever happened around me. However, my boyfriend could talk, think logically while he was stoned. His emotions and responses seem quiet like a sober person while he is stoned. The only thing I could feel is he is lazy and lack of memory. He has not been smoking for about 8 days now and he felt really unhappy and started thinking about going back to smoke. His excuse is zoloft cancels some bad effects of marijuana. I don't know what to say, I really need some help here... Thanks...
  7. believe it or not i learned how lol,its great,i did something not many guys are able to do. And it was persistent i mean it was GREAT!.Most people dont think its possible but it is,its hard to achive it on a normal state of mind...wish brings me to my dilema,i learned this wile being on weed... to make it short >.> i dont knwo if this good or bad,if i should practice this or not couse well only way to do it is on weed! AND NO I DINDT WROTE THIS ON WEED!
  8. You see for the past two months I have felt very strange and after looking over what Dissociation disorder is, it seems to be the case of what I have been feeling. Now Dissociation to me is probably the worst thing I have ever felt. I mean there is things like immense pain etc but the problem with Dissociation is that it feels like your a cyborg you cant feel and it seems as if you have no soul and also theres the fear that it gives you. So I am wondering if anyone has Dissociation or has had it, I mean what should I do, can it be cured is this a long process (I certainly hope not). But just to make sure this is how I feel: I feel as if my feelings, emotions, memories have been dimmed somehow. It seems as if the world is warped as if its in a different state. Peoples faces seem strange, if I watch TV sometimes everyone seems different. This feeling has seemed to be enhanced after I have done Marijuana or Alcohol. Thanks for your time
  9. My bf supposedly has quit smoking pot... And I do believe him.. but there are just a few things that have happened that make me doubt him (something I hate to do). He still talks highly of weed. Says he misses the days he used to smoke with his friends. One time he even begged me to let him smoke one more time. Should I drug test him or trust that he is telling the truth?
  10. Here's the thing. My boyfriend doesn't treat me bad; it's more of him treating himself bad. He has very low self-esteem and it tends to rub off on me and turn the majority of our conversations with each other into a therapy session. This happens because I can't help but care about him and I want him to appreciate himself like I, and his friends and family, appreciate him. However, one of the things I found completely disrespectful was when he had invited me over and I discovered him high on pot. Now, it's not the problem that he has marijuana in his life; it's that I had told him over and over again how uncomfortable I'd be around him while he was high. I deliberately pleaded him to do it out of my presense and when he outright did it and then had me come catch him, I felt disrespected and bolted out of there while he was using the restroom. We both really want to be together, so that makes it hard for me to just dump him over that mistake. I'm sure he'll do it again because it seems to be more important to him than those who care for him, so would I be compromising myself if I stayed with him and let myself get let down once again by this? I don't want to compromise how I feel about certain things just to stay in a relationship, but I also want to attempt to "accept" this fact and try to look past it. It's already tiring enough to handle him while he's sober, but I know he's got his heart in the right place and I couldn't stand breaking it.
  11. IF YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMORE...THIS POEM FOR YOU ----------------------------------- Haveing a ishy day. Wanna have somethin to put me in a Daze. Walk threw a cloud of Haze. I just wanna chill with my girl. Her skin is green. Her name is ganja queen. And she said To Me. Dis will ease your Problems. Dis will Make You Forget. And say F- IT & All The rest. Haveing a Ishyer day then the one b4. Wanna have something thats gunna make me relax. So i think of where to score. I go to my girl house. I hear nothing but reggae playing . ganja girl comes and says here you go gal. dis will put a smile on your face. dis will make you laugh. dis will make you for get the crappy day you had. I smoke and i get high. I puff i get higher. And I'm stuck. Have you ever got stuck? And said F---!!! LMAO. To those That got kids. To those that work with idiots all day. To those that have dumb g/f's and you feel like You wanna choke the liveing ish outa them. To those that hit ther heads on the wall. Smoke some Marijuana....And see how those feelings change...and poof like magic it all gose away.
  12. During the 5 days after I moved out of his house, suprisingly I only felt exhausted instead of being devastated . Had a few down moments but that was it. I thought I really loved him, how come I don't feel that bad after break-up? Anyway, last Saturday I went to his house to pick up the rest of my stuff. We were quiet friendly and he hugged me a few times. Then I mentioned that I wanted our sex tapes to be erased. He refused and told me he wanted to keep them. So we started fighting but he just wouldn't do it. I know he had a sex tape of his other ex gf and one time he even said if I would like to watch it. I was like "are you sick? I like to watch female bodis doesn't mean I like to watch your naked ex gf!!" (don't get me wrong. I am not a lesbian. I just think women are more beautiful then men. they are art) and I asked him he needed to get rid of it at certain point of our relationship. He said no way. Now he has my sex tape and who knows if he would show it to his next gf or not. He told me that's how he remembers his past. It's his memory. and I am making too much a big deal out of it. howeveer, to me it's very disrespectful and I don't think he has the right of doing so. Later on, he told me he still loves me just as he did seven days ago when I left him. He said he sees me as the person he can spend his whole life with. Now things are not going well and we should take a break from each other to see how we feel. He will quit smoking one day because he wants to. If I move to some other places for my new job, as long as it's in FL, he will consider moving with me. My emotions are so messed up...how someone could love you and do those stupid disrespectful things at the same time? I am so confused..
  13. Something I'm beginning to wonder about y'all. Even though I've known my 'ex-friend' shall we say for 5 years, who IS she for real? What did she do to earn or keep my friendship? Why did I believe that she deserved MY friendship when she offered next to nothing in return? In short, Who is SHE to deserve ME? Now wait a minute here..let's go with this for a sec. I'm a HELLUVA guy, not that ugly, big loving heart, strong family values and morals, lots o' muscles, intelligent, have a GREAT career with a bright future and can WAIL on guitar! WHY in the world should I even THINK she deserved me??? Man, She lost out BIG TIME!!!!!!!! I have issues ( as y'all know) like anyone else, but nothing to keep me from regaining my dignity and getting ME back from that 'situation'. Here's the thing: SHE'S THE ONE THAT LOST OUT, NOT ME!!!!!!!SO here's something else I'm beginning to realize..A good loving heart deserves a good loving heart. TRUE Love isn't love unless it's returned and nurtured. We can adore 'em until the end of time, worship them, put them on a pedestal, give them gifts and attention. They LOVE it- people love attention.....But it ain't real unless it's returned. I know I know, DUH!!!! Y'all are saying "this boy ain't right"-that's ok, I'm learning..Better late than never huh??? So she was the cutest little gal I ever laid eyes on-I realized today that I thought the same exact thing about a girl I knew 10 years ago, and for that matter, every gal I ever had a 'thing' for was the absolute most drop-dead gorgeous thing I ever saw!!! I digress... Just WHO is this person after all? In reality, she's a STRANGER...She's done NOTHING to deserve the warmth and love in my heart. She may have a good heart, but there was little effort to return the love and attention I gave her. I look at love like this now...It's sort of like a fresh, beautiful flower that just blooms and grows as long as it's cared for. If it's neglected, it wilts and dies, leaving an ugly twisted weed. I ain't no weed...I thought I'd bloomed, but I haven't even been planted yet In essense, I'm realizing what the whole situation REALLY was. I have a ways to go, including getting REALLY pissed as another poster has..But this is the FIRST day on my way back to me... Ok, well don't know if that'll help anybody, but I think I'm beginning the road back, and just wanted to keep y'all informed on my progress. There's some really special folks here that get ya thinking...
  14. A week ago, my 2 year relationship finally ended. We were living together, but she liked to party a lot, and I couldnt handle it. She would get drunk 4 or 5 nights a week, and I mean really drunk. She has also done coke and used to be a heavy weed smoker. She was still very cool when she was not drinking though, which is probably why it worked for so long. I just could not deal with this though, since in the relationship it felt lot a lot of my affection was unreturned. I am still very sad about everything, but I think I know what I need to do to recover. I am starting to work out, and am trying to keep myself busy. I just dated and hung around heavy drinkers for long, that I do not want another one, so I am wondering if there is any place that is good to meet women besides the bar. I do not want to have a relationship or anything, but I think getting out there and flirting and talking to girls will help me get some of my "mojo" back, lol. I am a pretty emotional guy, so I know it will take me a while to get things together in my life. I am only 22, and everyone keeps telling me that I'll find someone else, I just hope they are right. Thanks for reading the whole post if you did, but if not, where can I go to meet girls besides bars/pubs? Thanks for any advice anyone can give
  15. Hi, today i used my vibrator (again) and i dont know if i've orgamsed/cum before. normally i get to a built up stage where i can't go any further cos it feels too good. but today, it felt a slightly bit different and then all of a sudden water came out, more than usual, like i had just had a wee, and i dont know if it was wee or not, it was like i had just weed. but in a panic, i went to the toilet but i didn't need one. please help me find out what it was!!! Thanks. x
  16. I was having a conversation with guy that I like (I am a female) about doing rebellious things. He said that everyone should do some 'rebellious' things in their lives (just once) like: go to a gay bar, drink too much one time, smoke marijuana once, and go to a strip club. I told him that I would tell him the things I did only after what he told me he did. He said that he has gone to a gay bar and smoked pot, but never been to a strip club. I found it strange that he would have been to a gay bar (he says he is straight) but he has never gone to a stip club. I don't know if he went to a lesbian bar or gay bar. Question: My is: Would a straight man ever go to a gay bar, even once?
  17. Okay about 2 months ago I had a real bad habit, i smoked alot of marijuana, well basically my girlfriend knew this and I didnt know, but anyway we had sex regularly.. Then she went out of the country.. Ever since she came back the first two days she came back we had the most incredible sex.. and for the last 2 months she hasn't given me so much as a stroke, or a passionate kiss since two months ago when she got back. I haven't smoked weed in 2 months, I have been paying more attention to her, when I smoked weed I would assume less attention would of been given.. She told me "I am just not interested in having sex" I love her, and she claims to love me, but thats it, she only says she loves me other then that she treats me like a friend, snuggles and gives me pecks.. What's the deal? I can't figure it out, and what should I say, and or do about this? Please help, thank you in advance. (I've been with her for 2 years)
  18. recently iv had a very big change of attitude. just want to know what kinda thinga could cause such a change. for the past few months iv been really interested in this girl she but she was bi and wanted to be with a girl. this got me depressed so much and it was really anoying. then suddenly almost over night it just didnt bother me anymore. im now happy that she has found a relationship she is happy with and am happy to be single and able to do whatever i like. iv always been very against drugs of any kind and even tell my mum off for smoking 2-3 cigerets a day. but a few days ago i tried weed my self and didnt feel the slightest bit guilty or regret it. it also wouldnt surprise me if i did it again. im not complaining, like i said im happyer now i just wanna now if there is anything in particular might cause such a sudden change.
  19. Gonna make this short and sweet... My bf has a problem with marijuana. It's getting to the point where it's affecting our relationship SEVERLY. He picks weed over me. So...to symbolize my frustration and my pain for losing the one thing that I care about most in my life to a stupid drug...for a stupid habbit...I have come up with a plan. My goal is to once and for all show him how much pain he causes me by not being there when I need him most, and to show him that I hate his "habbit" for coming between us. I hate it for ruining what we had. My 17th birthday party is coming up. Some friends and I are planning on going to the beach to celebrate. I am going to tell my bf that my best friend, call her Susie, want to finally give weed a try and that our good friend, call him John, is coming along and is also a pothead. He then will bring his drug paraphanalia along. We will first stop to pick up Susie. I'll tell him to show me and susie his glass blown pipe. I'll "admire" it...then in a fit of sudden anger throw it to the grown to smash it into pieces to show him how much I HATE what he's doing to himself and to me.[-( I'm sure he'll be very, very angry with me...but I'm so sick of being second to weed that I don't think I'll care much. Do you guys think this is a good idea and that I should carry on with my plans? Do you think it'll make him see my frustrations? Do you think it will change him?
  20. I came accross this article online and I think it makes some very good points: link removed With MySpace being so popular, many people don't think twice about what they put in their profiles. Employers & law enforcement are starting to search sites like MySpace. I recently had a problem with a family member who thought it was "cool" to post photos of himself drinking and smoking weed on MySpace. Even more recently, a "professional" person I have worked with in the disability field has a MySpace page with photos of himself drinking and with comments that degrade people with disabilities.... calling them "retards". We are still trying to figure out what to do about it at work. People really need to think twice about how they present themselves to the world. I hate to sound like a conservative old lady: But being half naked and portaying oneself as a party animal or drug/alcohol abuser is probably not a good idea. Neither is disclosing your favorite sexual positions.](*,) I'm astonished at how many people have MySpace accounts that do just that- and you can find them so easily by searching for their name and location. Don't put anything online which you would not want your boss to see, especially if your page is so easily found. I can't believe how many people have their first and last names on their MySpace, and want to advertise such things about themselves. BellaDonna
  21. So Ive been seeing someone for quite a long time now, and I knew at the outset that she used to smoke weed. Her past is of course, her past, but after being off of it for for months, she wants to start again. I had thought that this was over, and it bothers me because I am very uncomfortable with drugs. To make matters worse, she has mentioned interst in trying LSD and ecstasy. Now I grew up with a drug- counselor for a father and I know the dangers of those drugs. How do I communicate my worries without seeming like Im trying to control or change her? She hasnt been defensive or angry about the topic, but it really upsets me. thanks in advance.
  22. So Ive been seeing someone for quite a long time now, and I knew at the outset that she used to smoke weed. Her past is of course, her past, but after being off of it for for months, she wants to start again. I had thought that this was over, and it bothers me because I am very uncomfortable with drugs. To make matters worse, she has mentioned interst in trying LSD and ecstasy. Now I grew up with a drug- counselor for a father and I know the dangers of those drugs. In fact, he’s the manager of a drug rehab facility. And she has made it clear that before she does anything she would do her research, and that shes not sure how badly she wants to try the drugs. I know that if I told her that she had to choose between me or the drugs she would stop and never bring it up again. The this is that I dont want to put down ultimatums on her even if I could. I have a strong belief in the idea that relationships arent about forcing people into things. I also feel that in a relationship as good as ours (And we really do have a strong bond and great trust) I know I dont want her to do hard drugs, but Im nout sure if I should do anything about the marijuana. Before the other drugs came up, I was ok with her smoking weed. Although I am uncomfortable with it, I know that the dangers arent that frightening and that she never does it in a situation that might endanger her relationship (She does in it a circle of girl-friends, not parties) and she has never been an intense user. I think I forgot to mention that since we have been together, she has remained clean. She has only expressed desire to do these things, and I didnt really get distresseds until she mentioned LSD and ecstasy. I may not be comfortable with weed, but I'm mature enough to look past that to an extent as long as does it responsibly (hey,we all have to make small compromises) but the fact that she is interested in harder drugs freaks me out, because I know those are dangerous, even if I realise that my outlook on weed is more of a prduct of my environment growing up. She is not trying to fight me on this, but I just dont know where to draw the line, because I know that if one person smokes weed in a relationship with someone who doesn't, it can cause problems.How do I communicate my worries without seeming like Im trying to control or change her? She hasnt been defensive or angry about the topic, but it really upsets me. thanks in advance.
  23. me and my girlfriend have been together for 11 months. our 1 year anniversary is on January 6th, 2007. i love her to death and i never want to lose her. we've talked about our future and how our wedding is going to be. she really means a lot to me... here's some brief backgroud on me and her ME- Before we met, i was into a LOT of heavy drinking and i used to smoke marijuana about once every 3 weekends or so. so we finally met and she made me promise to cut down on the drinking, and completely stop smoking any kind of substance. i was cool with this, because i really wanted to quit smoking before hand, but never really had a reason not to. and drinking...well, i could still drink just not as much, and that was a small sacrafice i could make for her. HER- Before we met, my girlfriend was what she called her, "boy crazy" times. basically she was looking for love in any guy and gave herself up very easily. she was very flirtatious and LOVED to show off her body. (she once wore a mini skirt and tank top to the mall 2 days before christmas in OHIO). so when we met, it was my rule that she'd have to stop revieling herself like she had been and to stop being so "friendly" to guys. and for the most part, she dresses very conservitive now and really watches what she says to other guys. so like i said, we've been together for 11 months, and ive kept true to every promise. but then i was over at a friends house 2 nights ago and he had a joint on him. this was no big deal because i had even handled the bags of marijuana before all of this during my 11 months, but never once was tempted to smoke any of it. but it had been a very long day and i was just really stressed out over some stuff and we were walking to a friends house and he was smoking the joint. so then like he usually does, he offered me some, i said no i quit, and he offered again, asking if i was sure. i dont know what came over me but i took it from him, looked at it and took 1 hit off of it. i then blew out the smoke and handed it back to him. i instantly slumped my head towards the groud in resentment. i got a small buzz off of the marijuana and i couldnt have felt any worse about it. i sat at my friends house and didnt say one word, i just sat on the couch and had my face in my hands, regretting what i had done. i feel as if i have cheated on my girlfriend. she trusted me with her whole heart and i went behind her back and took advantage of her trust and smoked anyway. i just think back to her promises, she promised me she wouldnt flirt or show off her body as i promised never to smoke again. this is just like her going and wearing a bra and thong and hitting on 10 guys behind my back. i feel so so terrible about this, but i dont know what to do. should i tell her? im so scared because christmas is coming up then our 1 year. i dont want her to leave me. she has always told me, "i would never date someone who used or sold drugs." and playfuly id ask, "what if i said i smoked some week last night?" and she always says something like, "then we'd be done". i feel awful but i dont know what to do, i wouldnt want her to keep anything from me, so i feel it's not fair that im keeping this from her. so what should i do? should i tell her now? should i wait and tell her in a few months? or should i just not mention it and swear on my life to never touch the stuff again? im so confused and so sad about it. i just wish i would take it back. any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. thank you...
  24. We are all looking for love, right?? The great quest we all seek........it is a fact that we have to weed through the bad to find the good.....to find that "connection". Correct me if I am wrong here, but it seems as though most of us miss out on the "fun" of dating, and get right to the bad/scary parts a little too fast.......does he/she like me?, or why hasn't he/she called? And we seem so good at picking out all the flaws, but have we forgotten that we are all different? I recently took a step back, and told myself that this is "dating", and it's actually pretty fun! We end up with great stories and adventures........sometimes heartache, yes, but that is part of the risk we take, right? Any thoughts or opinions on this? I always look forward to the wonderful diversity here on ENA.
  25. My best friend, O, and her husband are expecting their first child in March. I've been noticing lately that he hasn't been treating her with the utmost respect and I wonder if I should step in and say something. I've known her since we were six years old and she's like a sister to me. I don't like knowing that her husband may be mentally/emotionally abusing her. I'm really confused about what to do. I don't want her to think I'm prying into her personal life. I'd appreciate some advice. Example: A few nights ago, my boyfriend and I hosted a poker night at my house and invited O and P over. Before the game, I brought out some refreshments for everyone and noticed that O was eating very little. "Aren't you hungry?" I asked her. She nodded slowly and darted an almost fearful look at P, and responded, "Yes, but I don't want to eat too much because someone called me a fat whale today." I was shocked. I looked disbelievingly at her husband and asked him why he would ever say such a thing to any woman, much less a pregnant woman. He insisted that he'd been joking, but I shot back that obviously she took it pretty seriously if she wasn't eating. He changed the subject and the game soon began. Now, O's husband, P, is very competitive and a sore loser, especially when it comes to poker. At some point in the game, he made a lousy bet and O called his bluff. She ended up winning half of his chips. Just a game, right? Apparently, P didn't like it at all. He exploded. He screamed at her in front of us all. "DAMMIT, PREGGERS!" he shouted, "WHY'D YOU CALL IT? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUTT IN?!" He sounded like a raving maniac. I told him to calm down- that it was just a game and that she hadn't broken any rules. He continued right on shouting. "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY! SO WHY DO YOU BOTHER?!" At this point, my boyfriend was getting annoyed and boomed, "You must suck pretty badly at this game if you just lost to a person who doesn't even know how to play!" That shut P up for the rest of the evening. The whole while, O looked as if she wanted to cry. I felt awful. I have no idea what's going on with her husband. He never used to be this way. Is this "father-to-be" type pressure that's unhinging him or is it something else? O had recently told me that they've been getting into arguments over the fact that they can't have sexual relations due to doctor's orders and that P recently took up his old marijuana habit again. Is it the weed that has him acting out, you think? I'm just worried that one day he'll snap and hit her or something. I hope it never comes to that, but even so, no one should be made to suffer through all that mental/emotional abuse he's throwing at her. What do you guys think I should do? Talk to O, or back off and mind my own business?
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