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Crazyaboutdogs

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Everything posted by Crazyaboutdogs

  1. Crazyaboutdogs
    Yes, you have been cheated on in the past and that will colour your perceptions a bit. However, don't totally discount your gut feelings. Your wife has been divorced twice and she is only 35. Do you know if cheating on her part had anything to do with the failure of her last two marriages? Only you know her track record. Her stories sound a bit fishy to me, especially if they are out of character with what she is normally like.
  2. Crazyaboutdogs
    You have only been together one month. Give it time. The problem with relationships nowadays is that people think you have to see each other constantly in order for the relationship to fly. Not so. When my parents went out, they saw each other once a week, spoke once during the week, were married in just over a year and have now been happily married for 46 years. Everyone is rushing with relationships. What happens is that in the beginning the couple sees each other constantly, can't keep their hands of each other and have stars in their eyes. When the relationship slows down (because naturally it can't keep that pace, we all have lives to lead) then one person starts getting uptight that the relationship is fizzling, when it is simply going at a more realistic pace. Relax and don't discuss it with him. Let the relationship run a natural course and don't push things too fast, too soon.
  3. Crazyaboutdogs
    Judging from the tone of your post, I am not convinced that you are over this guy. I know a lot of people, who out of frustration, say similar things about not wanting to be married, giving up on relationships, getting too old, very content in life etc, but it is said as a defense mechanism so that they won't be disappointed....yet deep down, they want all the things they say they don't want. I don't know how long you went out with this guy. If it was for a long period of time, two months is really not a long period of time to get over a breakup unless your feelings for him were not really that strong and more on a friendship level. I had a friend who claimed to be over someone within a few weeks of the breakup but it was obvious she wasn't. She ended up initiating contact with him so that they could get back together. Does he want to be friends with you as well? Do you think that if you see him as friends it might stir up warm fuzzy emotions which will be difficult for you? Plenty of people are friends with their exes...but it only works if neither party harbours any lingering romantic feelings. Also, be careful that this doesn't turn into a friends with benefits situation because more often than not, those situations end up stirring up feelings in one of the parties involved.
  4. Crazyaboutdogs
    I believe a lot of people who behave like your partner does do the grand apologies and the woe is me behaviour to tug at the heartstrings. It is all part of the manipulation. Good for you that you set him straight this time. I wish you well whatever you decide. Enjoy your holidays.
  5. Crazyaboutdogs
    It sounds like you are very unhappy with him and that he doesn't treat you right. I am sure your children can sense this unhappiness. Have you thought of leaving him. Although you aren't married, there could be common law rules with regards to "alimony" and since you are the one earning more, you might have to give him money. I have never been married and my only dependent is my dog. I would like to have a lifelong companion but I definitely would rather be alone than with someone who feels they are superior to me. Counseling would be a good idea for you as it might give you some insights into yourself and why you choose to stay in unsatisfying relationships. As someone who is single I can assure you that while it may be lonely at times, I am still very happy, successful and have a very full life. My parents are still together after 46 years so I have never been impacted by divorce. Just as divorce has an impact on children, so does negative dynamics between the parents who choose to stay together. It is something to consider.
  6. Crazyaboutdogs
    Okay, 21 is definitely not a late bloomer. She is only 17 and is already bouncing back and forth sleeping with more than one man at a time. She is not exactly good relationship material. She sounds pretty messed up and you are far better off without her. Just make sure you get yourself tested for STDs. Don't stay home and feel sorry for yourself. Get out there and carry on with your life. Remember what she did...she slept with you while she was still with her boyfriend and then slept with her ex-boyfriend while she was with you. Not a very reliable or nice person. One day you will meet someone who will value who you are. Please don't waste any more time crying over her...she is really messed up.
  7. Crazyaboutdogs
    You have not provided much information about your relationship and why you feel he is not the best for you so it is hard for me to comment on that. However, what I will say is that while it is always nice and to get validation from others, the best person to get validation from is ourselves. What do you do in your spare time that makes you feel happy and proud of yourself? What are your strengths. Perhaps start building on your strengths, doing things that interest you and feeling proud of who you are as a person and your accomplishments. Once you are happy within yourself, you might see your relationship in a whole new light.
  8. Crazyaboutdogs
    Aside from the fact that you say your ex has no personality and you can't converse with her, it seems that she is not well-liked by very many people. That says a lot about a person if your family AND friends don't like her. If the only thing she has going for her is that she is drop dead gorgeous bombshell who can go at it like a porn star....big deal. Those "attributes" don't get a person very far in the real world...a person has to be able to get along with others. Your current fiancee, on the other hand, seems to have the attributes which are important in the long run. As the other posters have stated, you are doing her a grave disservice by cheating on her and continuing this charade. She deserves a man who will appreciate her for who she is. Perhaps her lack of interest in the bedroom may even stem from some vibes you are giving off that she is just not good enough. If you are comparing her to your ex-fiancee who is as wild as a porn star, perhaps your current fiancee senses this and that is why things are not so rosy in the bedroom. I think it would be a good idea for you to end things with your current fiancee as well as your ex-fiancee and take a good long look at yourself and how you define love. Love is so much more than mind-blowing sex...it is about respecting your partner. Not only are you not respecting your current fiancee by cheating on her, you are also don't seem to have much respect for your ex-fiancee since the only thing that you have praise for with regards to her is her body and her sexual prowess. I hope you wait before thinking of marriage to anyone...and in that time, read some books on relationships.
  9. Crazyaboutdogs
    Weepingwillo, I am 43 and have never been married. Nor do I see myself being desperate for marriage that I would just take anyone just so I won't be single anymore. I have seen people of all ages desperate to be married that they find someone they like but don't love in a romantic way...it turns out to be a pretty empty life. Just look at some of the posts on this board from people who were not in love when they got married. They often regret their decision. True, having love does not guarantee that a marriage will work, but marrying someone you don't have romantic feelings for, just to say that you are married, in the long run will not lead to a happy marriage.
  10. Crazyaboutdogs
    Do you know if she is depressed or feeling down about anything? Perhaps that could be a reason why she doesn't feel like dressing up, doing her hair, personal grooming etc. Perhaps you should talk to her and see if this is the problem. Sometimes when things are weighing heavily on someone's mind, they just don't feel motivated and in the mood to dress sexy etc.
  11. Crazyaboutdogs
    I think there are no hard and fast rules. You saw other things in his character that you liked so you decided to see how things would play out. Sometimes people who cancel dates in the beginning, change their attitude as they get to know someone. I don't think you did anything wrong by giving him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think it is fair to say that if someone shows unreliability in the beginning, this is the way it will always be....that is like saying that someone, who at the beginning shows keen interest, is always reliable and runs after the woman, will always be like that. As many posts on this board show, sometimes it is the real keeners who end up bailing over time. I think it is always important to try so that this way you never have regrets of "what if I had tried".
  12. Crazyaboutdogs
    That is a horrible and misguided way of looking at love. Yes, there are those who use people. But there are many people who do really love their partner. Love is when not only you are happy and satisfied with your partner, but you also want to make him/her happy as well. You feel that their needs are as important as your own. Love is about valuing the other person's attributes and strengths and also recognizing and accepting the fact that they have faults as well. We all use people to a certain degree...we want people who makes us feel good. But to sum up love as simply people using people is a somewhat jaded attitude.
  13. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am definitely puzzled by the fact that you can't find a fit, attractive woman in her late thirties/early forties. There are tons of single women in that category, at least where I come from. The physical activities you go to tend to attract the younger women. I have never been attracted to older men and I remember when I was in my twenties and thirties, I would not be pleased when forty-somethings would hit on me. Just because a person looks young and acts young, their chronological age is their chronological age and biology will eventually win out (your internal organs definitely know their age and can eventually slow you down while your 15+ younger partner is raring to go). Just something to think about. Most women in their late thirties and forties complain that they can't find single men because they are all running after the twenty something year olds.
  14. Crazyaboutdogs
    I know they have clinical trials to test medications for PMS but I somehow doubt if people on the pill would be eligible. I thought the Pill was supposed to alleviate PMS symptoms. I am not on the Pill and I have pretty bad PMS so I can relate to what you are going through. In fact, this week has been pretty bad with it.
  15. Crazyaboutdogs
    I don't believe you can necessarily say it is over. Nobody knows that for sure, probably not even him. This was a really ugly fight and it will take some time for things to simmer down. The fact that he called you back to come to the reception even after the big blow up, says that the blow up was the heat of the moment rather than the end. However, your reaction to his invitation was wrong. You should have gone with him and then perhaps things would have simmered down rather than escalated further. Your comment of how you sometimes want to go over to his place and MAKE him want to talk to you but you won't do that because you respect his parents and don't want to worry them...shows me that you still have a lot of work to do on yourself. You can't MAKE someone talk to you. It has nothing to do with respecting his parents, it has to do with respecting your boyfriend and his need for space and not "MAKING" him do anything. It is you trying to impose your will on the marriage issue that was causing problems...now you still want to impose your will by "MAKING" him talk to you but the thing stopping you is not the issue of doing right by him, but simply concern for his parents. Since you have already called and left messages, you need to back off and let him simmer down enough. He is probably processing everything at the moment. You wrote that you left messages saying that you were there for him if he wanted to talk. However, did you apologize for your behaviour and tell him that you know you were wrong for instigating the fight. Yes, he may have been over the top with anger, but sometimes when people are pushed and pushed and pushed, the eventually blow. You have acknowledged on this forum that you pushed too often and too hard which resulted in this blowup, but it is important to acknowledge it to him. I also agree that you really need to determine if you want to marry him because you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, or you are simply in love with the notion of being married.
  16. Crazyaboutdogs
    The details of the divorce are really none of his concern. You don't owe him an explanation about your infidelity unless you are actually in a relationship with him. However, to meet with him entertaining the notion of a future relationship with him but still in love with someone else, is definitely not fair to him. There are lots of people who are still in love with someone else but that person is not available so they embark on a relationship with someone but never give all of themself because their heart is tied elsewhere. When the current partner finally realizes that the one they love is in love with someone else, they are devastated and think of the relationship as a lie. Unless you can give 100% of your love to someone and have nobody else you are pining for, it is not fair on the other person.
  17. Crazyaboutdogs
    Karma...she was vulnerable...you used her for sex and ended up falling for someone who was using you as well. You used her, she used you and you both ended up getting hurt. My philosophy on life is that you don't use people and that you consider other people's feelings.
  18. Crazyaboutdogs
    I agree with Blender. Sure there are those people who feel comfortable with one night stands and those who don't. You clearly are not comfortable with the idea so if you did it you would probably feel very rotten about it afterwards. Yeah, yeah, lots of people will so 'you need to get laid'. Well, getting laid is not the answer to life's problems. You need to sort yourself out, get over the pain of your broken marriage. Just because your wife did this, doesn't mean you have to...not that you owe anything to your wife....but you owe it to yourself to maintain your dignity and self-respect and that can only be defined by you and your comfort level.
  19. Crazyaboutdogs
    Okay, so you are aggravated that he didn't want to pay for the wrap at the diner but would pay for the less expensive soup. On the other hand, you didn't seem to keen on paying for the more expensive wrap either, because the minute you realized he wasn't going to foot the bill, you decided to go for the cheaper option! Sounds like a double standard to me. I unfortunately see a lot of women like that who expect the man to pay for everything but the minute they have to pay for something, they are looking for the cheapest thing possible. You may earn less than him, but it is unfair for him to pay all the time. In fact, you should be treating him once in a while and should be going 50/50 most of the time.
  20. Crazyaboutdogs
    You did not screw up her life. I am glad you had enough backbone to walk away from this. You have only known her 10 months (less than that when you started paying her living expenses). Be very careful out there in the dating world because there are a lot of women who are looking for financial handouts from a man and will take them even if they don't love the man. I read, so often in these forums that men are so eager to dole out their money to women who just want to take but really don't care enough for the guy. She is responsible for her own life. You are not responsible for her life and her financial well-being.
  21. Crazyaboutdogs
    "Smoking pure cannabis is more harmful to lungs than tobacco, a health charity is warning. A study by the British Lung Foundation found that just three cannabis joints a day cause the same damage as 20 cigarettes." The above was taken from a 2002 BBC article online. I don't know what the latest information is but the bottom line: bringing smoke into your lungs is not a good thing. He should quit both.
  22. Crazyaboutdogs
    If he doesn't like it then he doesn't like it. I am sure there are books out there on how to make oral sex more appealing to the man but in the end, you have to respect his feelings.
  23. Crazyaboutdogs
    Cheating is never justified. Cheating doesn't magically happen when you are working late or at a bar. Clothing doesn't just happen to fall off the body, the person makes it happen. It is a conscious decision. If a person is unhappy in a relationship, they should talk to their partner. If that doesn't work, then the relationship should end before embarking on another one.
  24. Crazyaboutdogs
    Be careful with IVF. I knew of a single female who had that done (years ago) and she ended up with twins! Being a single parent of twins must be really difficult. Yeah, I hear you. I also have the same thoughts as to why it hasn't happened for me yet. I never wanted children so I never felt the pressure of the biological clock. I would just like someone to spend my life with.
  25. Crazyaboutdogs
    From what I have heard, Vancouver is the the San Francisco of Canada with regards to the gay and lesbian population. In fact, a simple internet search on gay and lesbian AND vancouver brings up the following site: link removed This might be a good place to start to get some information.
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