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Crazyaboutdogs

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Everything posted by Crazyaboutdogs

  1. Crazyaboutdogs
    She sounds like a classic abuser (yes, plenty of women are abusers). Divorce may actually be a good thing for your peace of mind, however, be very careful to protect yourself financially. If she is the way you describe, a divorce could get ugly with regards to custody and money. Make sure to get a good lawyer. She sounds like a very cruel woman and a very unhappy woman. Some poeple are just like that. Maybe she has a personality disorder...who knows what really happened in her childhood to trigger this kind of behaviour. You are not the only person who gets caught up and stays with someone who is this way. It becomes easier than rocking the boat. However, now that she is talking about divorce, maybe it is time for you to take the "bull by the horns" and take advantage of this opportunity to get out of this unhealthy and damaging situation.
  2. Crazyaboutdogs
    Galaxy, the other side of the coin is that there are actually nice women who want the nice guy...problem is, the nice guys are not actually interested in the nice women...they are too busy running after the "sluts and * * * * *es" as well as the women who like the bad boys. I see it all the time on these threads and have seen it in my experience as well.
  3. Crazyaboutdogs
    Oops, somehow that last post ended up in the wrong thread. Sorry about that.
  4. Crazyaboutdogs
    I knew someone who said she would never approach a guy because it was too forward and then they wouldn't think much of her....on the other hand, she acted like a skank so plenty of men approached her!
  5. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am not so sure you can save it unless she wants it to be saved. You are who you are. Suddenly changing things to salvage the relationship will only be a bandaid solution. Her excuses sound a bit lame. There is more going on than meets the eye and she is not telling you the whole story. You might want to sit down and have a real heart to heart talk with her to find out what the real issue is.
  6. Crazyaboutdogs
    I wish I had a dollar for every woman who says they just want some fun and sex, no strings attached....but lo and behold they get hooked on the guy. It is a very common mistake. The longer you have sex with him, the more your feelings will grow and the more hurt and frustrated you will become. As time goes on every time he leaves after sex, you will feel very empty and alone. If you find out that he is seeing someone else, it will devastate you. Better to get out now and find a more meaningful relationship.
  7. Crazyaboutdogs
    Well, some people are more sex-oriented than others. Live and let live. If someone wants to respect the comfort level of the woman they care about, that is amazing. If someone else thinks that is stupid and sexual gratification is all that counts, well, that is their life and I guess they will choose women who are more appropriate for their sexual needs.
  8. Crazyaboutdogs
    It sounds to me that he has not properly healed from his divorce and you were pretty much rebound. That is why I always hate when people write in on this forum that they are jumping back into the dating pool when they are not properly healed from a relationship. There is always an innocent person who gets hurt...they are looking to ease their pain without thinking about anybody else. I am so sorry you went through this. I have a funny feeling that as he got more affectionate and the sex became more caring, he would get scared of his emotions and do the disappearing act for two weeks in order to avoid falling into a situation where he would risk getting hurt. I don't think he purposely set you up to end it. I think it is just that he is so emotionally messed up that he simply sabotaged the whole thing unintentionally. This has nothing to do with you and is all about him and his unhealthy state of mind. Hopefully he chooses to wait a while before embarking on another relationship.
  9. Crazyaboutdogs
    Do not ever feel stupid, weak or vulnerable for having those feelings. In my opinion, the people who should feel that way are the ones love someone but are too cowardly to acknowledge those feelings to that other person. Your ex may not have felt the same warm feelings about you, that is life. But you have the capacity to feel love and that is nothing to feel ashamed of. Somebody else will be only too happy to have you feel that way about them and will return the feelings.
  10. Crazyaboutdogs
    It sounds to me that you are very needy and need to chill out. He called you twice on Christmas Eve and was probably tied up on Christmas day. Be careful about how intense a relationship is in the beginning because it will never sustain that level of intensity long-term.
  11. Crazyaboutdogs
    I agree and disagree with that statement. Sometimes it is very hard to find someone and there are plenty of people who haven't had a significant other for 7 years, not for lack of trying...things just didn't work out. It seems to me that the OP is feeling lonely and just latched on to someone in order to have someone in his life. This is not good. Please do not take just anyone in order to have a girlfriend. It is far better being alone than with someone who is very screwed up. This woman will really drag you down emotionally and could also mess up your life with her irresponsibility and illegal activities. My advice would be to run the other way.
  12. Crazyaboutdogs
    This is how you describe yourself. You also had quite a colourful sex life before she came into the picture, which she is having trouble with. A person doesn't become what you describe above, just because of a rejection, it has to be within that person as well. Perhaps she sees good in you and that is why she is with you to some degree, but there is also this bad side of you which was there before when you were engaging in colourful sex and probably had the same kind of center of the universe behaviour. I don't think we are getting the whole picture here about what you were like before you met her. It is not just the sex issue that has pushed her away, but the attitude and behaviour you exhibit and likely exhibited before. Personality issues are the sole responsibility of the person, nobody can make you behave a certain way unless you want to. Christianity may be all about forgiveness, but that doesn't mean people have to accept and condone certain behaviours they don't agree with.
  13. Crazyaboutdogs
    I feel sorry for your ex's fiance. That is really a ticking time bomb because the truth will eventually come out and when it does, he will be really devastated. It is very difficult to know if someone is lying about their past. Even if a relationship starts out honest, you never know if at a later point, there will be lies (just check out some of the posts on this board). I think if you start asking loaded questions right from the beginning, there could be a possibility for lying, especially if a person is not proud of their past and wants someone to get to know who they are today before divulging information about their past which has no bearing on the present. Perhaps you are getting too hung up on this and need to just go with the flow.
  14. Crazyaboutdogs
    From a moral standpoint, telling her your feelings while she is with another guy is wrong. You will be attempting to split them up. That decision has to come from her. At the end of the day, it is better to live with a clear conscience.
  15. Crazyaboutdogs
    Relationships that are started on lies may or may not be doomed, it depends on the poeple involved and the strength of their relationship once the truth comes out. I guess when it comes to past relationships, drug use etc, I can see why people wouldn't want to divulge this information to someone they are starting a relationship with but do not yet fully trust. Trust works both ways and someone's deepest secrets should not necessarily be told right off the bat (unless we are talking about an STD). Just because a relationship starts, doesn't mean it is going to continue long-term, so some things about a person's past are best left unsaid until the relationship has a chance to blossom. I think misrepresenting yourself is wrong, but refusing to answer questions that are too personal or too uncomfortable is perfectly okay. If the other person doesn't like the evasiveness then they can choose to walk away. However, outright lying about your past is not okay and I can see how that would cause problems later on.
  16. Crazyaboutdogs
    This mindset would work very well for the woman because then she would be free to find a man with much deeper feelings, one who thinks with organs above the waist.
  17. Crazyaboutdogs
    I remember I had a friend who talked the talk about no longer wanting sex before marriage etc. That talk seemed to fall by the wayside anytime she started going out with a new guy. Just because she says it, doesn't mean she will follow through with it. I wouldn't take it at face value. Right now it is a defense mechanism. Nobody should rush sex, it should be when the time is right for both parties.
  18. Crazyaboutdogs
    Years ago I went to New Zealand and Australia with a tour company called Contiki Tours. They specialize in the 18-35 year old age range. It was a lot of fun. I also did a Contiki tour of England, Scotland and Wales.
  19. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sex is not about how long you have been together, it is about readiness. If two people are together from the time they are 14, 3 years later puts them at 17, does that mean they should start having sex because it has been long enough? Absolutely not. She is only 20 years old and may not yet be at the point where she is ready to give up her virginity. It is a big decision to make because you can't go back. Some people do take that decision seriously.
  20. Crazyaboutdogs
    The way you treated your ex is the way my ex treated me....so I am someone who can give you an idea of how your ex is feeling. He is probably feeling so hurt and betrayed by you that he no longer trusts you. You running back to him with grand apoligies doesn't fix the hurt that he is feeling. It probably just makes him feel more manipulated. Leave him alone for a while and let him process the information. Maybe at some point he will feel more like talking but it now needs to be in his time frame, not yours. Try to understand his point of view and his pain.
  21. Crazyaboutdogs
    She is only 20 and clearly not ready for that kind of physical intimacy. Nothing wrong with that. Relationships are more than just about sex. If this is what you want and you feel sexually frustrated, then break up with her and find someone who is more compatible with your sexual needs (you should have no problem finding that because they are a dime a dozen...and, there will be plenty of willing partners on your trip). If you choose to break up with her over this, please do not ever tell her it is because of the sex issue, even if she asks. The last thing she needs to feel is that if she doesn't put out, guys will dump her or won't be interested in her.
  22. Crazyaboutdogs
    How about being single and unattached for awhile until you have a chance to get over your ex. If he comes around, great, if not, continue with your life and don't embark on a new relationship until you are not with someone else but thinking of him. Don't just jump from one relationship to the next because you are hurting and just want someone to pay attention to you. This other guy may care about you and want to marry you, but he is being a bit foolish pursuing you that intensely when you just broke up with someone else. As tempting as it is to fall into the arms of someone else to relieve your pain, in the long run it will hurt you more and you will end up hurting the new guy. Stay single, develop your own interests, get on with your own life and figure out what YOU want out of YOUR life completely separate from having a man in your life. If the new guy really loves you, he will have to understand that you are in no position to start a new relationship at this point. If you really love your ex that much, you would not even be making out with another guy so soon after the breakup, or even be entertaining thoughts of moving on so quickly. And, if you have hopes of reconciling with your ex and re-building a healthy relationship, making out with other men so soon after a breaking up will make him second guess the depths of your feelings for him. Furthermore, maybe he is dealing with such heavy duty stuff that it became too much for him. So, he hadn't called you for a week....if he is having business problems and family issues, maybe he just couldn't cope with relationship issues as well. I think you jumped the gun breaking up with him. Sure, he may have seen other friends, he is entitled to do that. I think you should have been more understanding of the troubles he is going through and you should have cut him some slack. Longterm relationships are not always about being totally into each other all of the time. Sometimes real life issues come up that results in the relationship taking a back seat for awhile. That doesn't mean the other person doesn't care, it just means they need time to cope with whatever problems are going on.
  23. Crazyaboutdogs
    I think your girlfriend is over-reacting and being kind of childish. If you have always been faithful to her, then she should be living for the present and should trust you. If she doesn't trust you what good is the relationship. I think instead of being apologetic to her, you need to tell her that you have tried to explain things and if she doesn't trust you and doesn't want to listen to you then the ball is in her court to contact you when she feels she is ready to listen to you and trust you. Then cease initiating contact and running after her. Don't let her control you like this.
  24. Crazyaboutdogs
    Many women who have been rejected by their fathers, look for the love of a male to fill that gap. That kind of search for love is unhealthy and leads to women having sex with random men (equating sex with love), having serial relationships, or in your case, demanding those words "I love you". You did not do anything wrong. She has not recognized that she herself has the problem. Many people say the word love and don't mean it. I give you a lot of credit for not saying something you didn't mean. She should not have pressured you like that and should have gone with the flow and let your actions prove your love. She is hurting so badly from her childhood that she just wants a man to say it to her. If she really cared about who you are, she would not have kept pressuring you....in the end, it was really all about her and she did not take into account your feelings.
  25. Crazyaboutdogs
    I don't think any relationship is totally healthy. Everyone has issues that they take into a relationship which makes the relationship unhealthy or unbalanced in some respect. The key is finding out what works for you and what behaviours you can or can't live with. Obviously some behaviours are worse than others and shouldn't be tolerated (physical abuse). I have seen couples in a marriage of convenience (they like each other, don't love each other, but are together because it suited their needs such as not wanting to be alone, having the "image" to suit career aspirations etc). I have seen couples very much in love but one is more domineering than the other. Relationships are all about taking the good with the bad. Sure independence is good but there is a certain amount of co-dependency in relationships...it is a matter of the degree of co-dependency. If people in a marriage are too independent, that is not healthy either.
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