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Crazyaboutdogs

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Everything posted by Crazyaboutdogs

  1. Crazyaboutdogs
    Nobody knows what the future holds so I wouldn't make a blanket statment that relationships which break up don't get back together. I will, however, say that you are your own worst enemy. You basically hurt your wife in order to prevent yourself from getting hurt, but in the long run you hurt yourself. Your ex is also hurting as she is dancing back and forth between two men, both of whom have hurt her deeply. It is a very sad situation. I think you need to tell her that you love her and want to be with her but that you will need to cut off ties with her because it is too painful watching her with another man. Leave the door open for her to contact you if she knows for sure it is you who she wants to be with.
  2. Crazyaboutdogs
    He is on vacation with his new girlfriend but sending you photos of them...Rest assured he misses you. If he didn't miss you, he would be so into his new girlfriend he wouldn't even have time to think about sending you photos of the two of them!
  3. Crazyaboutdogs
    Good for you to resist the temptation to call. Keep a list handy of all the rotten things he did to you. Whenever you start getting misty-eyed and feel the temptation to call, read that list. You are too young to remember this song but it really did help me: Linda Ronstadt sang a song called "you're no good" Feeling better now that we're through Feeling better 'cause I'm over you I learned my lesson, it left a scar Now I see how you really are You're no good You're no good You're no good Baby you're no good I'm gonna say it again You're no good You're no good You're no good Baby you're no good
  4. Crazyaboutdogs
    I would have to disagree with this statement. I think as a person gets older, they are more able to dismiss putdowns from their parents because they have a clearer notion of who their parents are and who they themselves are. At 20 years old, you are still finding your way and nasty comments from your parents can be very hurtful. Even if you are truly comfortable with something, having someone, anyone, especially a parent, treat you like crap for your decision, is very hurtful. Also, some people are just more sensitive than others. As far as whether or not the relationship will fizzle. Only time will tell. Once you start having sex with someone, it is very difficult to go backwards and "slow things down" because expectations are there. Things will get boring if there is nothing else binding the two of you together except for sex. That is why it is often wiser to wait before having sex...to see if there is much more that will bind you together and to make sure two people care about each other rather than being in love with the notion of being in love and having a boyfriend/girlfriend. The bottom line is that you can't change the past and it is no point fretting about it. Just continue along building the relationship. If it is meant to last, it will, if not, it would not be because you had sex too soon, it will be because there is not something deeper binding you together.
  5. Crazyaboutdogs
    While I am very much a proponent of waiting until you get to know someone a lot better before having sex with them, I would say that your mother was way out of line. If you are over 18, you are an adult and can conduct your life however you see fit. You do not have to answer to anybody else about when you have sex. If it felt right to you at the time then it is pointless to second guess yourself because you can't change the past. If you feel things are going to fast, you can slow them down. But whatever you do, do it because it is what you want, not because your mother or anybody else is telling you how to think and feel.
  6. Crazyaboutdogs
    In light of what you just added, I would really caution you to be very careful. I wonder if your new found feelings for this woman is really just the relief talking. It is great that you are making positive changes but make sure this whole relationship thing is about loving the woman she is and not simply about gratitude or the notion of "wow, I am really free now to love a woman so she is here I may as well love her". There are plenty of good women out there, women who would not be dating a man for three months while still engaging in a sex with benefits relationship. Also remember that she has three children....if your relationship moves beyond what it was, you will now be in contact with them. How do you feel about that?
  7. Crazyaboutdogs
    Personally, I don't think this woman is very healthy (emotionally), reliable or loyal. I would like to know if how she is conducting her life regarding men is how she would like to see her daughter or son regard relationships. I think you are feeling vulnerable right now and I wonder how much of your feelings are love and how much is it that you got used to a regular sex partner. She had sex with you the same day someone else proposed to her. That is pretty gross. That she would even consider marrying someone just because he gives her a luxerious lifestyle shows you how shallow she really is. Yes, she may not have gone through with it in the end, but the fact that she even thinks that way is a big red flag.
  8. Crazyaboutdogs
    I think you need to give her time to heal. This is a horrible blow to her and she will probably start re-thinking your whole relationship and whether or not it was sincere (yes, you may have been sincere but when someone has been betrayed, their mind goes in many awful directions). Having myself experienced betrayal and watching others betray their significant other, I have noticed that while the cheater may feel badly for what they have done and for having hurt the one they love, they still don't have a clear understanding about how deeply and horribly the betrayed party feels. I know someone who cheated on their partner and she still kept the very nice piece of jewelry that was given to her by the person she cheated with. To her it is simply a nice piece of jewelry and she doesn't seem to understand that to her partner it is probably a reminder of the cheating. The bottom line is that you need to step back. Perhaps reiterate how sorry you are, write her a note, assure her that your feelings are sincere and that you will leave her be and let her decide whether or not she wants to come back.
  9. Crazyaboutdogs
    When you are just friends with someone (platonic), as time goes on, it is possible that love can grow...that happens in many cases. However, in your situation, the scenario has been all about sex, not really about enjoying each other's company. Sure, you may have done stuff together, but in cases of Friends with benefits, it really is all about the "benefits" rather than the "friends". The being "friends" is really only about doing what it takes to get the "benefits". It is not a true friendship.
  10. Crazyaboutdogs
    Okay, this guy is going after a married woman. Think of it this way, the misery he caused you will come back to haunt him 10 fold more as he has gotten himself tangled up with an unavailable woman. Count yourself lucky that this homewrecker is out of your life. He doesn't have much in the way of values.
  11. Crazyaboutdogs
    Classic abuse signs: The person with anger management issues blames it on the other person for making them angry. This guy is going down a bad road and it seems to be unravelling your self-esteem so that you are blaming yourself for HIS issues.
  12. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sometimes in life we have to sacrifice what feels good at the moment in order to do what is in our best interests in the long run. You may be getting great sex from him, but I doubt if that is what is really driving you to want to stay with him so badly. I think deep down you are hoping that the longer you stay, the better chance you have of him "seeing the light" and seeing what an amazing person you are. That is just not going to happen. The longer you stay in this arrangement, the more it will be obvious that you care for him and either he will end it because he feels uncomfortable or he will continue on and really lose all respect for you. Respect yourself and get out of this situation before you cause yourself even more heartache than you have now.
  13. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am so sorry you are hurting. Don't be surprised if when her new boyfriend cheats on her and she is devastated, she will suddenly come sniffing around you again with a lot of regrets.
  14. Crazyaboutdogs
    Self help books can be great but not everything applies to every situation. That book 'he's just not that into you" is a bunch of overhyped garbage written to make money not to really be of any serious help. There could be many reasons why a guy doesn't pursue someone. Just ask the shy guys on this board how they sometimes don't pursue someone even if they like her A LOT. Also, if you read the book Living With the Passive Aggressive Man, by Scott Wetzler, you will find out about a whole other dimension to human behaviour which has to do with internal demons rather than him "not being into you". People are complex and can't be lumped into some book written by Hollywood types.
  15. Crazyaboutdogs
    It is not impossible to go from friends to being a couple. Many people do. It is not only about how the person is with YOU, what is equally important is how the person is with others. Sure, you don't want someone who is the all around nice guy to everyone else and behaves like a jerk to their girlfriend or wife, but equally bad is someone who treats their girlfriend like gold but with everyone else a bad attitude. Because if a person exhibits a bad attitude towards everyone else, it is only a matter of time, when the novelty of the relationship wears off, that the bad attitude will be exhibited to the girlfriend. Perhaps your friend realizes this. That is not to say you are an evil person, but perhaps not someone that this particular woman feels comfortable with long-term. I am sorry you feel so badly about this. There is nothing you can really do. I think we have all experienced the awful feeling of caring about someone who doesn't return the same depth of feeling. Eventually we meet someone else who does return the feelings.
  16. Crazyaboutdogs
    That's a bit irresponsible of the secretary to say. I would think that if someone wanted to take someone's wallet, they wouldn't bother to return it! I am not sure there really is an answer to an accusation like that. If someone made that accusation to me, I would probably just look at them funny and walk away.
  17. Crazyaboutdogs
    Having a boyfriend or even husband does not necessarily guarantee that you will have someone all the time, no matter what. Support comes in all forms from various places...work colleagues, friends, significant other, family and even strangers. Each of these people individually will not provide you with all the support you need all the time, but collectively someone at some point will provide you the support you need at any given time. Plus you need to be able to count on yourself for support. A friend of mine is dying of breast cancer (metastasized to the liver). She has an ex-husband as well as two children in their twenties and yet none of them have offered the support she needs. It is her friends who are doing what needs to be done for her. Rushing into a relationship so that you can feel secure is the wrong reason to be in a relationship. You must feel secure FIRST and then go into a relationship. Otherwise you will come accross as needy and will scare away the person. Also, as soon as they you perceive that they have failed you, you will react from emotion rather than logic. With regards to what others have posted about friends not always being the best people to get relationship advice from, I agree. They often don't know the real intricacies of the relationship and the positive stuff that goes on between two people in a relationship. Mind you, you can't totally discount friend's advice, especially when it is very clear the significant other is not treating the person right.
  18. Crazyaboutdogs
    I read your previous post as well. If you really really cared about her, the excema, your family, and having more sexual experiences would not even be an issue. It sounds to me like you are more in love with the notion of being in love. I think it is time for you both to part so that you both can find more meaningful relationships.
  19. Crazyaboutdogs
    I guess I am not quite sure why someone would accuse you of stealing stuff or doing certain things if you have no prior history of doing such things.
  20. Crazyaboutdogs
    People will believe what they want to believe and there is not much you can do about it except go on with your life and know in your heart what intentions you had. I know someone who I believe has Borderline issues and many times (not all the time) they do things for selfish reasons and then when called on it, deny it and twist things around to distort reality. So what happens is it becomes a scenario of "the boy who cried wolf". It becomes harder and harder for other people to see what has been done with honourable intentions and what has been done for selfish reasons. So the bottom line is that there is not much you can do about the way other people think.
  21. Crazyaboutdogs
    Just being desperate to have someone around is not a reason to be with someone. People get hurt that way. In fact, this woman is hurt enough from previous relationships that she doesn't need someone who is around just because he is lonely. Be with her because you like her and want to see where it goes, not as a crutch because you are lonely. With or without sex, people still get hurt if they fall for someone and the other person is just there to ease loneliness.
  22. Crazyaboutdogs
    Age has nothing to do with it. There are lots of guys who might not TELL you they think it is sleazy to have sex on the first date, and will in fact continue to see the person....but that doesn't mean that deep down they are not thinking that if you put out that quickly for them, how many others have you put out so quickly for. Not that I think the man has a right to judge when he is engaging in the same activity, I am just saying that if you look on the boards here, the double standard is still very much alive and well.
  23. Crazyaboutdogs
    Translation: We have great sex so why complicate things. This is doing your head in. He just wants sex, plain and simple. If you want a relationship, leave him and find someone who is looking for the same thing, and hopefully learn from this experience.
  24. Crazyaboutdogs
    I wouldn't make a blanket statement that if he doesn't call while he is gone, then that is the end of that. People just get busy, and it is only one week. What I will say, however, is that there are screaming red flags: You have only known him a week and he says you are similiar to his girlfriend. What does that mean? Are you a substitute? Was he having wild sex with you and thinking of his ex-girlfriend? Was this wild sex just something to get out of his system? Why in the world would a man who has just met you be calculating how many babies you can have. Did you have protected sex? If not, is he feeling his biological clock and wants to impregnate someone. This whole situation sounds very bizarre. Personally, I think the situation has now been set up to be all about sex and I wonder when the lust factor dies down, what will be left. Will you even like each other as people?
  25. Crazyaboutdogs
    Equating waiting to have sex with cheating on your partner is comparing apples to oranges. Cheating is morally wrong. Waiting to have sex is just respecting the fact that your partner is not quite ready yet.
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