Uncertainty Is A Killa

So ive been seeing this girl since my last post. (I cant use the term GF for now) Everything is going fine. im trying to rebuild her trust in me. this girl is great, everything about her personality is what i've always dreamed of and she is also pretty and turns me on all the time. We said we would see each other but take things slow but were still having sex. at one point i didnt feel right of having sex with her cause i didnt want to think this was a sex relationship but maybe in some ways it was. So i told her this and we started to take things slow. Even though at times i really wanted to do it with her we didnt. 2 weeks ago she said she was going to California to see family. that friday before she left i wanted to spend time with her and cause i had a Christmas gift to give her. She had other plans and i felt upset. i was surprised she didnt want to see me before she left. So she saw i was upset and changed her plans for me. I was happy about that and it showed she cared. That night she was surprised i got her a gift but didnt get the reaction that i wanted. i got her purfume then she says why didnt you get the one my roommate has. First off i didnt know what it was and i though she would like something different (I liked it). She didnt seem like she appriciated my effort. I was even thinking it was a mistake giving her a gift. But in the end she seemed happy. That night i stayed over and we had sex. We were not going to see each other for 2 weeks and we both wanted it. When she was in California we're texting each other. i even bought a phone card to call her. (im in Montreal by the way) Everything was good, we were saying that we miss each other and so on and so forth. Then one day she calls me at 4am which is 1am in CA but obviously i was sleeping. the next day i called her and asked her why she called me so late. She said that she saw a show on relationships and they said things never workout. i was so pissed about that. its like whatever we started to build again meant nothing (That was yesterday). i was so angry about that, that i text her not even to bother getting me a X-mas gift from CA if she felt this way. Later on i wanted to talk to her so we spoke. i told her i wanna make thing right again but she didnt seem like she wanted to talk and didnt care. Im confused. I know she is testing me or something. I know she doesnt want to get hurt but even now i have doubt about the way i feel about her. Maybe its the way she feels that is making me wonder. To be honest, i havent had too many sexual relationships and this one is the most that ive been involved. im scared to let her go and never fine anyone else like her but in the same time i want to sleep with other woman. In my previous post she wanted to have a NC rule but that didnt go down very well and the reason why im seeing her. I was going to respect it cause in a way i wanted to be with more woman but i also didnt want to go by that and have the possibility of losing her. I felt i really messed up something that i would regret for the rest of my life. Sometimes i wish she would have stuck to it but other times im happy im with her again. Sometimes i do feel she wants me to commit to her right away but i cant do that. Only time will tell if this is meant to be or not but in the same time she doesnt want to get hurt. Its like we cant be separated but being together is not always right. I cant let her go i feel strongly about that. Sometimes i feel like she has to prove herself to me to so i dont regret that im with her. In other words i wanna be with her but i want more sexual relationships and thats what is stopping me in saying this is the one for me. how can i base it all on her? It drives me crazy thinking about this.

Well the main issue is she has excema and that has always played in my head. sometimes its really bad i cant even look at her, i dont even want to be seen with her. (This is when i was going out with her) this is one of the reasons i doubt and the rest of my family sees this but does not know the person inside. its not about the exterior, well maybe part of it but she is a wonderful person. i really feel good when im with her and i want her to feel confortable with herself and make her feel good about herself. i could live with it but i doubt myself and im worried these feeling will come back after like 2 months. its not right this way. and my family not helping my feelings does not help either. i know she will get better in time if i make her feel wanted, loved and appreciated. it gets bad when she stresses out. i want to help her become a better person and she already does the same to me. exceptance is so hard sometimes. other than that we never had problems. like i said she is great and probably if i knew i could find someone like her later on i would probably leave her but i dont know if i will. i still feel the pressure to commit but becuase of her age i feel she wants to know if this is it and i feel that from her and i dont wnat her to waste her time with me. i told her that im looking pass those insecurities of her and seeing the person she really is. but i dont know if im fooling myself. i dont want to get involded fearing this and hurting her again.

Ive been with my GF for about a year and half. Im 25 and she's 29. I broke up with her early October. The reason i broke up with her in the first place is because i really felt pressure about having a life commitment to her and spending the rest of my life with her. then one day i was thinking about her and decide to call her (after about a month and a half). she seemed to be doing very well and she asked me if i wanted to meet her so i did. when i saw her i realised that i really missed her and told her what i missed about being together. its been about 2 weeks since this happened on a friday. during the weekend i was thinking about her so much. i was so sad that i made a terrible mistake and i wanted to call her back and tell her more about how i feel about her. She actually called me on Monday night and said that she was upset and she was thinking about me. this is when i told her that i wanted her back and that i loved her. the next day we had supper together and i just wanted to be near her and hug her and i really felt complete when i was doing this. kinda like what i lost was found. a few days later she called me and said that she was not sure about all this and wanted to give it time to know if this was the right thing for her and us. She wanted to give about 6 month between us. I wanted to respect her decison and agreed with her. the next few days i was really down and felt like i lost the one of my life. then later that same week on friday a week after i first saw her she called me and said she does not know if she can wait this long and invited me over to her place. we cook supper together and watched a movie and were really close to one another. i really felt happy again being with her, being next to her, touching her everything. that night we were just gonna sleep next to each other and not do anything (make love) but we ended up doing it and it was amazing. i was so happy being with her. the next moring we did it again and stayed in bed for so long holding each other and we finally left her place to have breakfast. when we got back we did it again and this time it was the best sex we have ever had together. probably the best i have ever had. we were like animals i swear. Durng this week we talk on the phone like we used to in the past but she is unsure about what she feels right now and what she wants to do. ahhh this is so complecated. I really really do care alot for her. I havent been in too many relationships and this is my first relationship that has lasted so long. when we were going out everything was always great and never had a dull moment. we get a long and she is everything i would ever want in a long term relationship and for the future. My problem is that sometimes i really feel she is the one for me and sometimes i doubt myself. My parents espacially my mom thinks i am doing a terrible mistake and will regret it in the long run. even my moms side of the family. My grandma even said to me a few times did you find a new GF. it just hurts. she dosent realise it but that is a very mean thing to say. maybe cause she is Philipino and im Greek. but its not what she or they want its what i want. but they still has an influence on me. i dont know what to do im scared of losing her and never finding someone as amazing as she is ever again. and if we give time maybe i will feel the same way but she wont and vis versa. i could totally see myself with her and having a wonderful life. but i am worried if this is my emotions feeling this way and if these feeling will change over time. i really do care for her alot and i dont want to hurt her again. Even when i first broke up with her i was in so much pain and was sad. i just dont want to let go and lose her but uncertainty is a killa and im not sure if she is the one for me. i always pictured myself with someone else which is from my background before but this girl is amazing to me. i dont know what to do. even writing this im feeling emotional. Any advice will be greatly appreciated Thanks in advance Eric