Jump to content

Crazyaboutdogs

Platinum Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    25,671

  • Joined

  • Days Won

    82

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Crazyaboutdogs

  1. Crazyaboutdogs
    I forgot to add: Read some of the threads from the married people and the problems they deal with. Getting married doesn't mean you won't face the same problems you face in the dating world ie. rejection, lack of committment to the relationship, etc. Whenever I get down about not being married, I read some of those threads and realize wow, those problems you deal with as a single person in a relationship can come up when you are married as well. Nothing is ever guaranteed.
  2. Crazyaboutdogs
    I have never been married but then I look around at all the people my age who got married, had the fairytale for years and then it all crapped out on them...divorce, single parenthood, anger at the ex, etc. They are back to square one, trying to find someone to spend the rest of their life with. I remember saying to one of these people that at least she had a chance to experience marriage. Her response was that she still feels empty because it didn't last. Don't be in a rush to get married just so you can be married. I have seen enough people do this and it ends up a mess. Just relax about it and look after yourself and your interests. Marriage does not necessarily make people happy and content. With marriage comes a whole other set of problems.
  3. Crazyaboutdogs
    I was basing my answer on this sentence. I agree some questions need to be answered, but not necessarily details. It is unclear from the post what questions he has asked that she refuses to answer. It is also unclear why she cheated 3 times, what was going on in the relationship between the two of them at the time of the cheating (not that that excuses cheating, but it could shed light on where she was coming from which could help in the healing process). Understanding the other person's side of things and what was going on in their head can help. Have both of you discussed this or is this one of the things she refuses to discuss. Getting at the root of the cheating rather than the details of it, will help you make a decision as to whether or not you can trust her in the future.
  4. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sometimes chemistry takes time. You may not feel it initially but as you get to know a person it builds. Conversely, sometimes the faster a relationship starts, with chemistry, long talks etc. the faster it fizzles. Relationships don't often make sense. You see on this forum, people in long term relationships where everything is going so well and then out of the blue, someone bails, no warning, everything seemed so grand, they got along so well together. Who knows what goes on in somebody's head. The best thing you can do (easier said than done) is put it out of your head. Chalk it up to one of life's mysteries where there will never be a definite answer, and move forward. He is not worth it.
  5. Crazyaboutdogs
    From what I have been reading in these forums, asking for details actually doesn't solve anything, doesn't re-build trust and in fact makes the situation worse. Healing and trusting is a conscious decision you have to make on your own. Knowing the details will just make it more vivid for you and harder to move forward. To give an analogy: You hear about a shooting incident on the radio and it is horrifying....you want more details so now you choose to watch it on TV in all its gory images. The gory images then get imprinted on your brain and they haunt you. There was no need to actually see the horrific images because intellectually you know that if there was a shooting, it is not going to be a pleasant site.
  6. Crazyaboutdogs
    You can't make him take care of himself, only he can do that. You have to go on the assumption of this is who he is and he won't change until something within himself makes him decide to change. The only thing you can do is change yourself and how you view things. Can you spend the rest of your life with him as he is or is this such a turnoff that it is a dealbreaker for you. Only you can answer that. Just bear in mind that every single person on this earth has a down side to them. Even if you broke up with this person and met someone else, they could also have some other quality that is a complete turnoff to you. Instead of focussing on the bad quality, why not focus on all of his positive attributes, the things that make you go all soft and mushy inside. Sometimes just making the other person feel like a million bucks will boost the self-esteem and their willingness to start fixing their problem. You have to stop reminding him of this issue and just be there for him showing how much you love his other qualities.
  7. Crazyaboutdogs
    I think it is your pain talking more than who you are as a person. Despite the pain, you have to remember that your daughter is innocent in all of this. You have to be connected to her because if you walk away from her, she will always wonder why her natural father didn't want her. No, she may not remember you, but the thought of her natural father walking away from her and not wanting anything to do with her, can cause scars and impact how she views men later in life. Your actions now will have a tremendous impact on her. You may be hurt and angry at your ex, but don't let that interfere with being the best father you can be to your daughter...which means being in her life.
  8. Crazyaboutdogs
    Just because two people don't talk for a month, it doesn't mean the relationship is over. You and your ex of 2 years had not actually ended things when you met your new girlfriend of a month later. So, I can understand why your ex would be very upset. Basically through lack of communication and simply looking out for your own needs, you hurt two women. I agree with the other posters. Your latest ex needs to figure out in her own time frame, without any pressure from you, whether or not she could trust you again. In that time, I might suggest that you read some books on communicating effectively with your partner.
  9. Crazyaboutdogs
    No matter how many people do or don't get back together, it is irrelevant to your situation. Every situation is different and you can't base what will happen in your case on what happens with other people.
  10. Crazyaboutdogs
    Don't change who you are unless you feel you need to change for yourself. I often think men view the really screwed up and selfish women as relationship and marriage material. I have no idea why....but then they come on to this forum complaining that their girlfriend/wife doesn't treat them right. Go figure. You seem to have your act together so don't worry about it. If you think you might be too abrupt or too opinionated, maybe work on that for yourself to make yourself a better person. Being abrupt and opinionated wouldn't discourage someone who really cares about you. There are lots of abrupt and opinionated people out there who get married. Don't second guess who you are and whether or not it is a turn off. Somebody will eventually find your combination of personality traits a wonderful thing.
  11. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sigh. I wish someone can explain to me why nice guys always run after the selfish and troubled women and ignore the kind and sincere women. This woman is using you. It is okay for her to flirt but she would retaliate if you did it. This is not a nice woman. There are a lot of women out there who latch on to men for the free ride. She sounds like one of them. You can't fix her because she doesn't want to fix herself. She wants you on a string paying for her meals etc, while she plays the field. I would say keep her out of your life, she is trouble.
  12. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sorry, sex is all of the above...ie sexual activity. Penetration is called sexual intercourse. If you give oral sex to your boyfriend but not vaginal sex, you have still engaged in sexual activity even though it was not sexual intercourse. People have oral sex all the time without vaginal sex. That is still sex no matter how many people (including a former US President) tries to deny it.
  13. Crazyaboutdogs
    1. 2. I would agree with the second quote not the first one. In fact, if we look at the definition of sexual assault it is any "sexual activity" that a person does not agree to, including inappropriate touching, vaginal, anal and oral penetration and sexual intercourse that you say no to. Foreplay is part of sex. To be technical, sexual intercourse is vaginal penetration while the others is sexual activity but they all are part of sex. Masturbation, even though it is solo, is sexual activity as well. Sex shops sell vibrators. If vibrators were not considered part of sex I would think you would find them in main stream stores rather than just sex shops!
  14. Crazyaboutdogs
    I absolutely agree with this statement. If women are hitting on him, bully for him...he should not be telling you this. It should be a non-issue because he shouldn't care who is hitting on him because he is with you. Women hitting on him should not really compute. He is telling you to get a reaction out of you...to make you feel insecure....to boost his ego. If I were you, when he tells you these things, just say "oh" (in a who cares kind of tone) and then start talking about something else. Once you don't give him the reaction he is really seeking (you getting upset), he might stop this nonsense. In the meantime, you might want to get on with your own life and start distancing yourself from him. If he cares about you, he will come to you.
  15. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sounds to me like you don't want to look like the "bad guy" so you are waiting for him to initiate it so that he can look like the "bad guy". If you are that unhappy, you need to have an open discussion with him. Maybe you can fix the problems if you talk about it. Maybe not. But at least you bring it out in the open and then YOU can bring up the option of divorce. If you want out then it is up to you to initiate that conversation. To do subtle things to make the spouse leave is not right and is hurtful...and in the long run you will probably feel worse about yourself than if you just initiate things.
  16. Crazyaboutdogs
    So he cheated on her. I have a suspicion that her desire to sleep with other men has more to do with not getting over the cheating. She might feel that he had a chance to sample someone else so why shouldn't she. I think she needs to really address her feelings for this guy and whether or not she has forgiven him. It doesn't matter that it was over a year ago, people heal from betrayal at different rates. Having sex with others just for the sake of getting more experience is not going to make her feel any better, and in fact, might spell the complete end of this relationship. The question should not be about having SEX with someone else before fully committing to marrying the guy. The question should be about whether the two people are ready for a committment or if more life experience in general and dating others would allow for better growth (not simply to sample sex with others, but to see other personality types and do things with other people). The fact that this person feels that having SEX with others is so important before getting married shows that is not yet mature enough emotionally to get married. Having sex with others is not going to do the trick...a change in attitude will.
  17. Crazyaboutdogs
    I know of lots of women who don't put much stock in the sentimental value of gifts from the ex. They just see it as Jewelry. Sad really. Some people are just more materialistic than others. To your ex, the jewelry is simply that.
  18. Crazyaboutdogs
    I commented on your last post as well. With this new information, it seems to me that she is very unpredictable. I don't think you are being too sensitive, I think she is being too INSENSITIVE. You are walking around on eggshells with her and that is not healthy. I think she is not making you feel secure in this relationship.
  19. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am having a hard time getting my head around the fact that you had a friends with benefits relationship with two women at the same time and are upset about the fact that one of these women (the one you now have a relationship with) may have had a friends with benefits relationship with somebody else while you were not yet officially with each other. You are looking at the timing of her escapades as compared to the timing of your escapades when in reality, you still weren't exclusive at the time she had her escapade. Just because you were with her a lot, doesn't mean that she viewed you as a sure thing. Although I am not a fan of this friends with benefits thing, even less so when the arrangement is with more than one person, I will say that there shouldn't be a double standard. If you have done it, to say that she shouldn't have is just a double standard. Maybe she knew about your friends with benefits situation and just figured, why should she be hanging around waiting for you. You need to let go of the past. Of course, if she is still having these types of relationships with other men, that is a whole different story because that would be cheating.
  20. Crazyaboutdogs
    I have no idea what to say about this last post so all I will say is that perhaps you should stop thinking only of yourself and your own needs for a while and start thinking about how you have already hurt your wife and your mistress. Your mistress is 20 years younger than you! Thou shalt not commit adultery.. comes to mind. You clearly have no guilt about your actions and continue along the same path. I wouldn't inject religion into this because religion is all about doing right by others and correcting mistakes we have made. She is no longer a virgin so that is irrelevant at this point. If you truly care about her you will let her go and find someone who is truly available to her and can give her a future.
  21. Crazyaboutdogs
    How old are you? I think what concerns me is the fact that he wants a break from you and in no time at all, you are over it. Not only that, but you are developing "feelings" for someone else. If a person really loves someone, they don't get over it just like that and say "next". I know a lot of women (and men) who settle because they want the whole marriage and children thing. So if one relationship doesn't work, they are immediately into the next one without taking a breather, because it is not love that is driving them, but their desire to get married and have children. If this relationship doesn't work, you need time to sort yourself out and not embark an another one immediately after. And certainly, while you are still living together you shouldn't be starting up with someone else. Really think about your own motivations. Right now the internet guy is appealing because things are sour in your relationship...but it is not the real deal...it is just an escape.
  22. Crazyaboutdogs
    There are plenty of men who have never been married in their mid forties. There is nothing strange about it. Far better to have a man who is in his forties who has never been married than a man in his forties who has been divorced, with kids and lots and lots of baggage.
  23. Crazyaboutdogs
    He is in his forties and you are 18. Be very careful with that because many men who go after much younger women are looking at boosting their own ego. Love does not enter into, it is about showing off to other man about the "young thing" on their arm. Was he married before?
  24. Crazyaboutdogs
    Something to think about: I have read many posts on this forum about men who are in relationships with women and then they learn about the woman's past and have problems dealing with it. Yes, a person's past relationships should have nothing to do with a current relationship. That is correct in theory, but what should be in theory, may not be reality when people's emotions, insecurities and values come into play. If, in the future, you meet a man you are head over heels for and your past relationships come out in the open, he may be okay with it, or he may not. Although your friends with benefits relationship is okay with all three parties involved agreeable to it, the fact that you were involved in such a scenario might be difficult for a future partner to deal with. You are posting here because your friends think it is creepy and you are a bit unsure. There are a great many people who will find it creepy and that is why I am giving this scenario of what could happen down the road in a future relationship. Unless of course, you meet someone who is also into this kind of thing. Another thing to think about: So, you yourself would not feel comfortable having sex with him if you were in a relationship. That means to say that you do think there is something inherently off about this kind of scenario. Just because his girlfriend is fine with it, doesn't mean to say that you have to be a part of that scenario. It still boils down to you "crashing" someone else's relationship, something which you would not want if you were in a relationship.
  25. Crazyaboutdogs
    I find her reasonings rather suspicious. Okay, so after seeing you for many many months and knowing your status, she all of a sudden decides it is not right to be dating a man who is not yet divorced. If those are her values, where were those values several months ago. There are many people who choose not to embark on a relationship with someone who is separated and not yet divorced....key thing is, those are their values right from the beginning. How convenient of her to decide that it is fair game to contact you when she needs something. So on the one hand she tells you that it is pointless to continue in the relationship until you are divorced, but on the other hand she readily acknowledges that she entered into the relationship figuring you would never get divorced! With all of these contradictory messages and the fact that even after bailing on you she contacts you when she needs help, I would be a bit concerned that her declarations of love have something to do with the fact that she is going through a rough time and needs support. There is nothing wrong with supporting someone who is going through a bad time, but just guard your heart, because once she is on the mend, she may bail on you again.
×
×
  • Create New...