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Crazyaboutdogs

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  1. Crazyaboutdogs
    8 pages of comments, some of them quite shallow, and the original poster has not even had sex with him yet so doesn't even know how things will go! My sympathies to all men who have a small penis. People should be judged on who they are, not the size of their genitals. Do all men with an average or above average penis give great sex...I doubt it. Women are upset at being objectified by the size of their breasts, but yet it is okay to criticize and make assumptions about men if they have a small penis and say that is a dealbreaker? That is really unfair. If there is such terror to some women that a small penis means bad sex and that is a dealbreaker, I feel sorry for any man these women are with when they get older and for health reasons a "normal" size penis is just not functioning well. Is this grounds for a breakup?
  2. Crazyaboutdogs
    My advice is to run the other way. She plays too many games, wants men to run after her so that she doesn't have to do any work. She is seeing one guy and making out with you at the same time. You can do a lot better than her. How old are both of you? Are you both sexually active. If so, I would be very concerned about that because if she is going after several guys at once, who knows what you will catch from her. She is trouble and there are women who are much more worthy of your time. Don't concern yourself with impressing her, she is too self-absorbed to pay attention. Find a woman who will appreciate you and not feel the need to have several men at her beck and call.
  3. Crazyaboutdogs
    I re-read your post and there are some things I need to add with regards to my story. I too read up on things which I knew my guy was dealing with....such as men who are painfully shy when it comes to dealing with relationships and children of Holocaust survivors and how the experience impacts their relationship with others. So what happened was that I was busy reading stuff to understand him (which is why I hung on for four years), but he did not take the time to do any self-analysis and figure out what was wrong and how he could work on himself and overcome his issues. When you talk to your boyfriend, he may or may not be receptive. Be prepared just in case your talk doesn't go over very well. Don't push yourself on him because you will only drive him away.
  4. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am going through my own turmoil with a man who has self-esteem issues and gave mixed messages. I was patient and understanding thinking that by being that way, and being there for him, he would eventually feel comfortable enough to work things out together. He would try to get close but then withdraw. I would keep getting mixed messages. It was very clear he really cared about me, but despite this, he could not work on his hangups. After four years and him continually withdrawing more and more, I finally went no contact at the end of April. I did not bother to tell him because for four years he was so hung up on his feelings, he didn't bother to consider or understand mine...yet I was putting my feelings on hold to try to understand where he was coming from. I can't begin to tell you how painful this is and how angry I am for wasting four years trying to be patient and understanding to someone who was clearly a train wreck and was a work-a-holic in order not to deal with his feelings of low self-esteem. I know you want to understand him and be there for him. Only you will know when it is time to throw in the towel. I had many people tell me to forget him, he is a lost cause, but I soldiered on until I knew I had done everything possible and there was nothing left for me to do. Although I am angry at him and also at myself for putting up with it so long, the rational side of me says that at least I left knowing that I did everything I could so I will never have any thoughts of "what if I had done..." If you stick around with him, be prepared for the rollercoaster, sometimes being confident that things are well, other times being hopelessly confused.
  5. Crazyaboutdogs
    You have only known him for a week. Much too soon to tell whether or not this will go anywhere. If you want to be sure he likes you for who you are and wants to continue seeing you for who you are, my advice would be to slow down and not have sex with him again until you are sure that he will stick around because of your great personality and not just for sex.
  6. Crazyaboutdogs
    He needs to help himself and you need to step back and let him sort this out. He has too much to drink and then wants to have sex with you but then wants to break up with you all the time. Don't have sex with him, don't see him, go no contact or limited contact until he makes up his mind to really sort through his feelings of depression and low self esteem. The longer you hang on, the more he will drag you down and confuse you. Yes, he may love you, but unfortunately love does not solve the problem. You can be there as a support to him but in the end, he has to work on his problems and overcome them. He has to make the effort and realize his actions are hurting you.
  7. Crazyaboutdogs
    Where do you go from here? What do you want? If you want to continue being with her, you have to find a way to put this behind you as hard as it may be. Do you know about her previous history? Has she had many casual partners? Was she sexually molested growing up (often women who have been sexually molested as a child are more promiscuous as adults because they feel that is the way to get affection). There could be some underlying emotional issues. Who did the break-up, you or her? Why did you two break up? Have you talked about why you broke up and how things can be fixed? If she runs and sleeps with several men to deal with a break-up, how would she deal with things if she was in a long-term relationship (several years) and there was a really rough patch? When people are together for many years, problems come up. Sometimes there could be times when a couple drifts apart for awhile even though they are still together. It takes a lot of strength on both sides to make things work. If things don't work, both parties need time to think, reflect and heal. Running out with other partners right away is an escape from reality to prevent the person from thinking and dealing. How would she face those trials if she was in a long-term relationship? These are things you must think about, not only for your emotional well-being but your physical well-being as well. Her actions were very reckless. Does she regret what she has done or understand that it was not wise?
  8. Crazyaboutdogs
    How long were you two going out before you broke up for a month? I think your feelings are perfectly understandable. You two were only broken up for one month and she slept with 3 different people....either she was majorly hurting and trying to forget you, or her feelings for you weren't deep enough so she got over you quickly and moved on to others. But 3 people in the space of a month....that, to me, is a red flag about her character. Yes, she may be nice person and you get along really well, but sleeping with not just one, but three people in a month right after a breakup (okay, even if she had been single for a long time, sleeping with three people in one month is not very wise) is pretty excessive. Did she use protection? Are you using protection with her? I would say she should get tested so that she doesn't pass anything on to you. If I was broken up with someone for a month and found out they slept with even one person, I would have serious reservations about the depth of that person's feelings for me. As far as I am concerned, if you really care about someone, you can't move on that quickly.
  9. Crazyaboutdogs
    Not every guy is out to "rape" women even at a party. Not every guy just wants to get laid. I know you said that you are over what happened with your girlfriend cheating on you, but sometimes the subconscious just doesn't forget past hurts and it comes out in other ways. Your overwhelming distrust of the "average guy" could perhaps be your subconscious never quite forgetting the fact that your girlfriend cheated on you. Just a thought.
  10. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am not so sure if it is really "rape" you are worried about or the inhibitions which get loosened up when some people have too much to drink. Too many times I have seen written on these boards..."I got drunk and one thing led to another and we had sex". Having sex is a conscious decision even if you have had too much to drink. Does your girlfriend get really flirty when she has too much to drink? Is that what you are really worried about? Do not only blame the fact that the guys will be there and they may "rape" her, she has to make the conscious decision of what she herself will do. Will she get very flirty and things will progress and she will allow it to progress. If both a man and a woman are drunk and they have sex and then the woman regrets it afterwards, she can't call it rape because she was drunk and the guy took advantage...because he was equally drunk. If she is not to be held responsible for her actions because she is drunk, then why should the man be held responsible for his actions if he too was drunk? The bottom line is that you have no control over how your girlfriend will behave, how much she will drink and how far she may or may not get carried away as a result. It is up to her to make decisions about how much she wants to drink, and if you don't like her decisions then you have the option to leave the relationship. You can't dictate how she should conduct herself. Sometimes people have to make mistakes before they learn.
  11. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sometimes things happen in people's lives that gives them pause to reflect on their behaviour in the past. Perhaps some crisis has occurred in his life (illness, death, brush with death, trauma, bad news, somebody not treating him right etc).
  12. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am 2 months into no contact. I had spent 4 years trying to be patient and understanding. He is an emotional trainwreck and did not want to help himself. Because of his self-image issues, it made him feel superior to play mindgames and the last one in mid-April was the last straw. This time, I didn't even let on that I was angry. I just stopped all contact, no explanation, nothing. He has not contacted me and I have not contacted him. I trusted him, I respected him and I thought he was a kind and gentle person (at least that is the face he showed the world). Mr. Responsible, Mr. Hardworking, Mr. Generous, Mr. Kind. Unfortunately it only skin deep to make a good impression to the outside world. The real him was stubborn and self-absorbed....couldn't really understand the feelings of others on any deep level. I feel angry and stupid that I believed in him. I am angry at the way he treated me. I did not deserve that. I am not depressed that I have not heard from him, I am more depressed that I trusted and believed in someone who did not deserve my good opinion. Realizing that is what is getting me through NO Contact.
  13. Crazyaboutdogs
    Okay, I think there is a difference between NEEDING someone in our life as a significant other and NEEDING people in our life to help us through the rough times. In light of all the trauma you have been through, it is quite understandable that you reached out to your previous ex....as a friend who knows what you have been through. Life can be tough and we all need people to lean on. Of course we also have to take care of ourselves and not only lean on others. It is okay to lean on others as long as we are also helping ourselves. It is great that you are now going to counselling and sorting yourself out. If you and your current ex are meant to be together you will. You have to focus on healing yourself. Perhaps you might also want to check out meeting groups that deal with coming to terms with the loss of loved ones and/or meeting groups that deal with people who have had traumatic experiences. If you meet people who have gone through similar experiences, it might help you feel less lonely and alone. Sharing feelings with people who really understand can be extremely helpful.
  14. Crazyaboutdogs
    Don't feel ashamed. He should feel ashamed for the way he treated you. It is not shameful to love someone and feel panic and grief as they slip away from you. When you see him, hold your head up high because you are an amazing person capable of love. You are better than him and have nothing to feel ashamed of.
  15. Crazyaboutdogs
    Hi Lanty, Your situation has struck a chord and maybe you can help me understand what is going on with my situation. I fell for a man who seems to have the same problem, he has never gotten over his fear of emotional risk. I have been patient and understanding since I understand where he is coming from. It is very clear he cares about me and over almost four years, has made several attempts to get closer to me (all very subtle, not putting his cards completely out on the table) but then he gets scared and retreats. From what little I know about his past, this is his history. He seems to be petrified of being in a relationship. He is in his forties. I have opened up to him, and he knows how much I care about him..... Here I am, someone who is reliable and safe, someone he wouldn't have to worry about rejecting him, and yet he still can't go that extra step to finally let the walls come down and allow the relationship to develop into something more emotionally fulfilling. Perhaps you have some insights, as someone who is struggling with the fear of emotional risk. Have you had anybody head over heels for you? Did you let your guard down or did you let them go? Did they give up on you and you let it go and didn't try to get them back?
  16. Crazyaboutdogs
    Hello LillieBelle, I am very sorry to hear that your boyfriend has not been supportive. The fact that he has threatened suicide clearly indicates that he would never be a good role model for your child anyway. It is a tough decision to make, whether or not to continue with the pregnancy. Your family are not in the same city but since you are close, can you talk to them? If you want to have the baby, perhaps you can all brainstorm and come up with a plan regarding finances and support during the pregnancy and birth. Many married couples do not live in the same town as their parents and yet when the daughter gets pregnant, the parents come to visit for an extended period of time to help out. Could that be an option with your family? How old are you? If you choose to end the pregnancy, you still have a chance to start a family later on, with a wonderful man who will be thrilled at the prospect of being a father. Do you know any single mothers? Can you talk to them and find out how they manage work and being a single mom? Maybe they can give you some perspective and ideas to help with your decision.
  17. Crazyaboutdogs
    I have seen too many people get into relationships to fill a need, overcome loneliness, want someone to want them etc. They don't turn out very well. Relationships should happen when you are happy within yourself and satisfied with your life. Relationships should be about finding someone who adds to your already satisfying life. It should never be about finding someone to make your life whole and to fill a desperate need. People who latch on to others out of a desperate need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and to feel loved and wanted, do themselves a disservice as well as their partner. We all want to feel loved for WHO WE ARE AS AN INDIVIDUAL, not for what void we can fill in our partner.
  18. Crazyaboutdogs
    If I understand this correctly, she met the guy first, gave him her number, THEN broke up with you...obviously she wanted to date this guy so she figured if she broke up with you, then it is not cheating. I read a lot of posts on here that rationalize the fact that the other person goes out and sleeps with someone else while on a few week break-up with their girlfriend/boyfriend. Yes, technically it is not cheating but it is still a betrayal. If someone did that to me, it would make me feel that I didn't really mean anything to them if they could just block me out so quickly and have sex with someone else. The issue goes deeper than "is it considered cheating or not" it is a matter of how deep a person feels for someone if they can simply have sex with someone else so quickly. So, the bottom line is that you have every right to feel cheated. Doing it to try to get over you is no excuse (I hate when people use that excuse to sleep with someone else so soon after a breakup). Moreover she met the guy first, gave him her number and then broke up with you. I am sorry to be so blunt about this. I am sure it really hurts. As for taking her back, only you can decide. People do make mistakes and everyone has their own view on what mistakes can be worked through and which mistakes cause irreparable damage. Lots of marriages and relationships survive a betrayal, it depends on the ability of the person betrayed to forgive, and the remorse of the person who did the betraying. If you want this to work, you will have to overcome the feelings of distrust or else it will always get in the way of your relationship and things will deteriorate. Without trust, relationships don't work. Your feelings are perfectly understandable and valid, but if you want to be with her, you have to deal with them and move ahead.
  19. Crazyaboutdogs
    Okay, so he ended the relationship with you before, maintained friends with benefits with you until he met her and then married her. He says he likes being married and wants to marry again and that she ended the marriage because she never wanted to marry him in the first place. Something is not adding up. Has this man ever been without a woman in his life ("solid" relationship or friends with benefits). I would be very concerned about a man with his track record, in the midst of a divorce who is already talking about wanting to get married again. Perhaps there was a very good reason this other woman had reservations about him and then wanted out.
  20. Crazyaboutdogs
    Hello pixie, Be very very careful with this one. You had an on and off relationship with him in the past which eventually led to friends with benefits. His marriage only lasted for two years. Do you know the circumstances behind the divorce? He may have problems dealing with relationships and is only fine on a more superficial level. When you say that your relationship was intense, what do you mean? In the physical sense or emotionally? I would say be his friend as you have been but keep it platonic. You should not go back to friends with benefits again because that will just get you hurt. He is just getting divorced so you have to make sure you don't end up as rebound person. Yes, he may find someone else to date if you don't make your intentions clear, but he really is not in a healthy place right now to have a healthy relationship with somoene.
  21. Crazyaboutdogs
    Yes, I think it is definitely possible to fall in love through letters. That is how I fell in love. I did meet him a few times and we talked on the phone, but most of our communication was via email since we were long distance. If two people are very grounded and the letters have substance (not mushy gushy love letters), you can learn a lot about a person. You get to know their mind rather than focusing on their physical presense. People get too caught up having to be with their significant other constantly that it becomes an obsession..."when am I going to see him/her next". Love takes time to grow and it is the "I love you" declarations within a few weeks of knowing someone that leads more people down the wrong path. Love via letters takes time, but it can have much more substance than "love at first sight" or those declarations of love within a month of knowing someone. Love via letters allows you to process information about the person without the distractions and desperation to be with the person.
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