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  1. I know this is a bit of of a weird and unusual situation but bear with me please. Just right before the COVID pandemic started, I went to a friend's Birthday party and I met this engaged polyamorous couple. I'll call them Rick and Jodie. They added me on Facebook and I started chatting to them mainly on Facebook Messenger. They weren't really friends but more like acquaintances. I only hung out with them once at their place watching horror movies and went to a couple of their parties. I think I also saw them at some events or other people's parties. They also invited me to their engagement party but due to many strict COVID lockdowns in my city, they had to reschedule the engagement party three times. This may also be kind of relevant to what I'll say later. Jodie really struggles with some mental health and physical health issues. She was sexually abused as a child by her Uncle and has Disassociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities), depression, anxiety. Rick is on the autism spectrum. A bit over two years after meeting Rick and Jodie, I met Colin* who is now my partner of a few months. I did know him in the past a long time ago but briefly and then lost touch. So one time I was scrolling Facebook even before Colin and I were dating and I saw through Facebook photos on Colin's profile that he actually used to be married to Jodie. I saw their wedding photos and so on. I talked to Jodie about it and she said that Colin is such a good guy, she only has good things to say about him and now he's like a brother and good friend to her. They separated five years ago and Colin said he sees her as a good friend and family too. They were together for quite a number of years and I know through Colin that they had a lot of issues due to Jodie's bad mental health and she also cheated on him. I didn't care though because it's nothing to do with me. I wasn't jealous they're friends coz I could see it was well over and I'm friends with one of my ex's as well. Anyway this brings to the current issue. Jodie and Rick just recently had their engagement party. Jodie actually invited Colin to come and said we should go together as a couple. She asked Colin on his way there to pick up two of her friends/guests and also to drive them home at the end. Which he did and it added like at least an extra 45 minutes onto his trip home. Which was already at least a one hour drive. I wasn't actually able to come to the engagement party because I was really unwell. I'll also add that Colin and Jodie weren't officially divorced because Jodie had promised to pay for the divorce and do the paperwork, but she never did. Recently she did finally put it all through, with push from Colin and Rick's parents. Anyway so the other day I get this message on Facebook from Rick: "Just need to bring something up. Hope you're doing okay, we missed you at the engagement party. We would still love for you to attend our wedding if available. However, if you want to bring a plus one, we just want to ask you not to bring Colin. Because of his history with Jodie, I feel it may make people uncomfortable, as it did make a few people uncomfortable with him being at the engagement party. So you are welcome to bring someone else, but yeah, it might be for the best Colin doesn't come to the wedding. Sorry to make things awkward, we just think it's for the best as we want our special day to be drama-free as possible. Colin was telling people at the engagement party that he is Jodie's soon-to-be ex husband which made people feel uncomfortable. And it really upsetted one person who wanted to confront Colin after he said that. So that's why it's best for Colin not to be at the wedding. We are happy with you coming but we don't want him there. Hope you are doing okay and Jodie and I are sending love and support your way." I asked what should I tell Colin? And Rick just said: "Well you can tell him whatever but we don't want him there". I want to add also that Colin also has high functioning autism but he's the sweetest and nicest guy. In fact he's too nice and soft. Colin's perception of the engagement party was that it went really well and he said he had a great time and everything was good. He also gave Rick and Jodie a nice card with a really nice message. I agree maybe he shouldn't have said he was Jodie's ex husband but a very large number of people already knew. Jodie's parents and a lot of Jodie's friends and family who were at their wedding knew anyway. Of course this is their wedding and it's their choice so all I said was: "OK I will tell Colin this" and I told him. I'm going to be honest though, I'm feeling really angry. Jodie is meant to be Colin's good friend and like family still but she didn't even message him herself. Also they put me in a really uncomfortable position, making me tell Colin and putting me in the middle. This is also after Colin had been wonderful to Jodie throughout their marriage and even afterwards. And he picked up some of their party guests and drove them home. I'm feeling like I should just not go to their wedding? But Colin also told me that Rick's parents are traditional and they're paying for the wedding, so Colin thought maybe it was the parents that also felt uncomfortable about Jodie's ex husband being there. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention to question or challenge their decision. I'm just wondering if I should do what I have control over.. And that is not to go to their wedding.
  2. This is a followup on a post I recently put up.. I met this very attractive girl Saturday night at my sister's wedding. Towards the end, I approached her and we had a good conversation. She asked plenty of questions and seemed very educated and polite. I asked for her number and she gave it to me. I waited until Monday night to call and she didn't answer. I called twice Tuesday night, no answer either. I said it would be my very last attempt tonight (Wednesday), and that's precisely when she picked up, finally. She told me that she doesn't pick up when unknown numbers call her, and especially does not return the call, so obviously she never knew it was me calling. Anyway, she was very nice, but apparently I caught her at a bad time - there was a lot of racket in the background. She was in her cousin's house and they were packing for a cruise they're going on this weekend. She still saved my number. She asked me if I could call her back tomorrow, or that she'd call me. I said great, nice talking to you, and that was it.. So the question is.. should I call her or should I wait for her to call me? I'm starting to think she isn't much of a phone person or something, but this girl seems very nice and attractive and I have a gut feeling I should pursue this. It'd be nice if she'd call - that's a reassuring way to know she's interested. Thanks guys
  3. Hey there I am gettin married on the 3rd of Sept My periods is due around that time...ouch My last cycle started on the 6th of Sept. I usually have a 30 day cycle...and have a slight pain in my right breast. But unfortunately, I got my pain today. Is there a way I could postpone my period naturally. I have tried some drug before and the subsequent cycle was very painful. So I would like to avoid drugs if possible. Also, if drugs is the only choice, do I get one OTC? Help me!!!!! Thanks, Mia
  4. Okay I'm just gonna kind of ramble here, so I apologize if this turns into something really long! Over the holidays I got engaged. Some of you know my situation: Long distance relationship and all that. It's been really amazing and we are EXTREMELY excited! But I don't know... for some reason in my mind I thought that this was going to be easy. There's so much! I've been engaged for two weeks, and already we've started planning, even though the wedding isn't for... what? 18 and a half months? We already have so much done! It's crazy! I'm not stressed about the wedding, really. I think my stress lies in the fact that I'm using it as an escape. Focusing on the planning is what is keeping my mind busy. It's keeping me from thinking about the fact that, once again, we're separated by thousands of miles. I haven't dealt with it like I should. He cried twice the day he left! And he isn't an overly emotional guy! I haven't cried at all. While I'm not STRESSED about the actual planning, there's also a lot to be done, and so much of it has to get put on the back burner until I get a new job so I have money! We have a lot of details nailed down, but there's a lot of work still to be done. Which is fine because we have so much time, I know. I guess I'm kind of freaked out that, even though we have 18 months, we have so much to do that we need to start doing things NOW. That, in itself, is overwhelming. The good thing is that we went in a totally different direction with the ceremony than I thought we would. All my life I've envisioned the classic wedding: big hall, huge dress, and everyone in the world that we know attending. And of course it would cost an arm and a leg. That would have taken a lot of planning and there would have been a ton of tiny details to figure out. But now we're going with a very small ceremony- a themed wedding, actually. And the venue is sort of all-inclusive, in a way. And while I know that should take a load off as far as details go, in a way it makes it more difficult. I've spent my whole life deciding how I would handle those little details, and now they aren't there. Having that "unknown" adds stress more than it relieves it. I won't have the familiar around. The wedding is in his city, 2,800 miles from where I live. It's at an annual Renaissance Festival that he has attended many times but I have never been to. We are making the outfits for almost the entire wedding party, including my fiance and his three attendants, all of whom live there in Pittsburgh, making it hard to get a proper fit for their clothes..... I love this idea for our wedding, don't get me wrong! It's very unique and it will be incredibly memorable. I just have no clue how to handle a wedding! LOL! I truly believe that all of this just comes with the territory of being a bride-to-be. I just have no idea how to handle it all in stride. I guess I just need encouragement... Advice... ANYTHING anyone can offer to help me survive! ..... okay... I'm done venting now.
  5. Can anybody help me make a sexy, erotic and funny wedding anniversary toast? It's my friend's 8th Weding Anniversary. Tipu link removed
  6. So here's the story. Exgirlfriend and I broke up after having arguments a lot and her basically looking for other guys on the net at the very end of our relationship. We broke up and she immediately started dating other guys she met online (we live together by the way ) For the past 2 months she has been living at her parents house since she is student teaching while I am living in our apartment at college. She called me yesterday saying how her weekend was horrible because she went to her best friends wedding with her new man and her Ex (previous to me) was there and his gf was being mean to her. So she says she doesn't want that to happen between us and she wants us to be friends. I just don't understand how that is possible. She treated me like dirt at the end of our relationship. She complained all the time that I work too much (I work saturday and sunday and well someone has to pay the bills and save up money for a wedding) and she basically didn't work at all. I just don't know how I could be friends with her after all this..... oh yeah background info (we still live together because we have a lease signed until december when we both graduate and I get the heck out of here )
  7. Hello all. I am ashamed even asking this, as i feel it is somewhat pathetic that i am relying on a man to fulfill me, but here goes.. I am 24 years old and I have been with my bf (24) for 4 years and we have lived together for 3 1/2 years. After living together for almost a year he proposed to me. I said yes and for a month and a half we were engaged. After that, his parents began to fight with me and him about it. they even refused to come at one point. It got intense and I moved out. We got back together a week later and decided not to talk about the marriage again.... Well that was 2 and1/2 years ago and he still says that he isn't ready. The fights with his family were bad. they did not like me and told him so. I tried very hard to get them to like me...homeade bday cakes, homemade presents etc... It peaked and now they appear to like me or at least tolerate me. As a couple we are very happy, but when a wedding is on t.v or a friend gets married(as is happening more) he freaks out still! He doesn't even want to associate with friends that are married now! I know he feels really bad about hurting me and I also know he really cares for me. I just feel like I have been demoted. I have told him my feelings, but it gets us no where. as long as a wedding isn't brought up we r ok. I love him and I want to get married like we originally planned. Will he ever ask me again???? Please help!!!
  8. Okay, please respond a.s.a.p. I really could use you help! A couple weeks ago I found my boyfriend cheating on me, this forum really helped me out. Well, I stayed with him and we are working things out. I am away at college and I am trying to do more things on my own and find myself. WEll, I called on this volunteer opportunity and they called me back today! It sounds REALLY interesting and I want to do it. This weekend they have a retreat for all of the volunteer leaders and it is a weekend event. I really want to do this because I think that it would be GREAT for me!! A chance to make new friends and actually do something for myself for once! The thing is is that this Saturday I told an old friend from high school that I would go to her wedding! I rarely ever talk to her and I was basically invited just bc her fiance's family is good friends with my boyfriend's family. I told my boyfriend this and he said that I should do what I want to do, but I can NEVER make up my mind! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but at the same time I am hurting myself for not participating. Please help me make the right decision, should I go to the wedding or have a weekend of fun without anyone I know (which is really brave for me!!!) Please reply if you read this, THANKS!
  9. I am in university and everday i see many amazing girls who i could date, but i have no idea if any of them (or which ones) are single. Often i talk with some and they seem so friendly and nice and then i think they must be single if they talk to other guys like this...and then i find out they are already with someone. Anyway, is there any way of knowing if someone is single, apart from looking for a wedding ring???
  10. I just met this beautiful girl last week. and she likes me and i really like her i had seen her once before at my cousins wedding, and the day after my cousin said that she liked me. well its been a long time since the wedding and i finally got to meet her. on new years eve she gave me a call and she was crying. me and my cousin spent like 2 hours talking to her and trying to comfort her. then she said "i barely know you but i think your Ok" I was gonna say something like " i think ur really nice and i want to get know u better and be more than friends." something like that i would have said something better cuz my cousin was there to help. so the next day i go over to her house and bring her flowers. she liked them and she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. it wasnt one of those that you get like just to say hi. i wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend but i just didnt know how to say it. and my cousin was there too. i need sometihng to say that i want her to be my girlfriend that i can use on the phone or when i am with my cousin. i only see her when i am with my cousin
  11. For those who have read past post this might make a little more sense. Ok, I went to the wedding, everything was cool I had a really great time. My ex and I where in the wedding. But hardly spoke at all, just nice hi's and bye's and small talk. But her best friend was all up my a** with qustions like; am I bringing somebody, do I have a girl friend, and so on. Any way, by my ex's actions I was guessing she really didn't care much about anything any more so I was on the phone with this girl I'm seeing and she wanted to come by. So as I was talking with her some other girl on the couch (who I think was there just to take pictures) looked at me and said "not a good idea". This through me off, so I got off the phone and asked why. (She had been in the back room drinking with all the brides maids and came out to get something when she herd me on the phone) I guess my ex had been talking about me cause no one knew this girl.) I stated how it seems like she dosn't care any more, and she replied with "she cares". This took me off guard. This whole time for the almost 4 monts we've been apart, I started to let go, and now this... If a girl thinks and or wonders about her ex, why do they send the friend to scout for info? Why can't they just talk to us? It's kinda a turn off. Though my heart did jump when I herd she still cared. But it would have nice to hear it from her. So sense where still playing this game to act like we dont care any more. What can I do? Should I call her and see if she wants to go somewhere and talk for a while? I'm lost, but happy.
  12. I have a few important marriage questions, I'd like to see some opinions from both the men and ladies, and please feel free to elaborate. 1. Should the woman have the right to have the wedding exactly as she wants it? It seems to be of common opinion that the wedding is "her day", and the woman should get to decide how it should be (and the man just saying, "yes dear, sounds lovely"). 2. Should the wedding ceremony be according to the woman's religious beliefs? Say you have a Christian woman marrying an agnostic man (or Hindu, Buddhist, Native American, Wiccan, or Shamanism), should the man participate in a ceremony not quite according to his belief system just to please the woman and her family? 3. What is a realistic, acceptable relationship timeline? From first meeting, to going steady, to the promise ring, to the engagement ring, to the wedding, what sort of timeline is recommended? Thanks
  13. One of my bridemaids Sarah whom I've been friends with for about 16yrs and always lived around the corner from pulled out of my bridal party last week She had to. Her brother decided to get married on the exact same day ... so of course she has to be in her brothers wedding. I'm so upset, even more so at the fact that she can't even come to my wedding at all Now my dilemma ... who do I choose now? Will the person I choose get upset cause they are second choice and I only chose them cause Sarah pulled out? There are two girls left in my main circle of friends ... Suzi and Olivia ... one of them will get upset for sure if I don't choose them. What the do I do?
  14. Okay. My old boyfriend and I are on friendly terms, but he does not know I am dating someone new. Frankly, I didn't tell him because he hasn't asked, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Now, I am going to a wedding with the new bf and the old bf is going to be there. Should I warn the one about the other? HOW? Is it okay to do this via email?
  15. Ok, this is a confusing situation. I have been best friends with a guy for nearly 6 years now. We have been very close, we use to stay over night with each other and just hang out. I would share my guy probs with him and his girl probs with me. Our mutual friends always thought we had a secret relationship and always thought we should get together. And I actually had a pretty good crush on him for the last 3 years of our friendship.. but I wouldn't ever try to push for more than friends b/c I am very shy about doing that. (although, I am pretty definite he knew) So, anyhow, about 2 years ago, I moved 2 hours away from him. I met a guy up where I live and after only 6 months of being together, he proposed. And I accepted, he is a really great guy. But my feelings for my best friend never went away. Anyhow, I would go back home probably once a month and I would see my best friend. once I was engaged and went home, I saw my best friend with a bunch of my other friends. He asked to talk to me alone, and we went outside on this beautiful boat while the sun was setting and he told me about the feelings he had for me and he said he had to tell me now before I was married. He said he wanted to be with me and the 2 hrs distance didnt mean anything. I was pretty much in shock, b/c I think i have been secretly in love with him for several years now. But I did love my fiance as well, he is a really great guy. but beinghonest with myself, I knew I was missing that "tingly" feeling for my fiance. Which is scary. Well, anyhow.. i tried to forget about my pal telling me this and tried to go on with my fiance, b/c after all it was too late, right? So, then I tried to stay just friends.. but I still saw him about once a month. And I made the biggest mistake of my life once, I cheated on my fiance with my best friend. And I don't regret being affectionate with my best pal.. but I regret the timing and that I would do that to my fiance. I told my fiance right away, and he actually forgave me and offered to stay together. I still didn't feel right about it and we eventually called off the wedding and then a few months later called our entire relationship off. It was probably a 8 month long process since the timing of our engagement and our breaking up. And there is nothing wrong with my ex fiance at all, he is a great guy and I am scared I will someday regret this. But that isn't my prob. My prob now is that my pal is moving farther away now, and we will soon be 6 hours apart. And I am scared to get in a serious relationship right now anyhow after this hectic year. We have dated some here and there since then, and we always get along great, but it wasn't what he made it out to be. Plus he isn't exactly consumed with the idea of starting a relationship between us. he still says that he considers me as a possible wife in the future. He says I have everything he wants in a wife, but there is one thing missing that he cant place. he continuously says we will just see what time tells us.. and that if we are meant to be.. we will be. So, i am kinda upset about this all. i mean i called off my wedding with a good guy and everything for my pal. and now he is just so laid back and whatever about it. like, well if we are meant to be, we will be. and he is talking a couple of years down the road. so my question is, do I do my best to forget about my best friend and I ever getting together?? do i waste anymore time on this whole "possibility"? what should I do? try or not try? forget about him or try to work things out?? any advice would be great!! thanks!
  16. ok me and my fiance have august 14th,2004 as our wedding date because we wanted to have a backyard wedding. no my man wants to get married this oct nov but i am a little concerend about 2 things one being the weather it will probably be too cold for a backyard wedding that time of year and also i want to move out into our own place because at the moment we live with his parents and we will prob be stuck there if we get married right now.... what are my options
  17. I have already posted my story in the breaking up section. It has been 7 weeks since my last contact with my ex. I am still very hurt by our breakup. I am sure she is the one for me. Anyway, I am having trouble moving on. I still hope and pray that she might come back to me. I don't really have any reason to believe that this will happen. I just got back from my brother's wedding this weekend. Although it should be a happy time for me - this was a horrible weekend for me. When we were still together I had been looking forward to that wedding as a chance for me to bring her to my hometown and let her meet the rest of my family. I was so sad the entire weekend. I think I did a good job being there for my brother and sister in law. All I could think of during the weekend was her. It didn't help that some of my family members hadn't heard about the break up and kept asking me questions about her and if we would be getting married. I still don't know what happened between us. The end was very sudden for me and I don't understand what went wrong. She never did explain the reasons for her leaving me. She just said that she wasn't in love. We were so close when we were together and now she just ignores me. I just don't get it. How can you tell some one that they were the first person that you had ever fallen in love with and then just drop them like they meant nothing. I still love her and I am still in love with her. How can I shut these feelings down. I will not be able to move on without some form of closure.
  18. Hello peeps, I would really appreciate your advice. I'm from London, UK and I met a girl on holiday last year in Zagreb, Croatia. I fell in love with her immediately. As the economy in Croatia is poor, I always paid for the flights to Zagreb or for her to visit me in London. I thought she was wonderful. As I always wanted to live and work abroad and because she made it clear she wouldn't move to the UK, I proposed to move to Croatia and was offered a job with a Marketing Consultancy. She used to be model is is obviously very good looking. She lives a healthy lifestyle which I like and the sex was amazing. However, the relationship took a turn one evening. We was invited to one of her friends wedding reception at a hotel in Zagreb and to be honest, I found it very difficult. Everyone at the dinner table looked as though they had just walked off a catwalk, including one of her friends who had collagen lip implants, a guy who also had collagen lip implants and implants in his pecks, a male supermodel and a TV presenter. Although the conversation started in English it soon turned into Croatian. I felt very insecure and I panicked. I stood up and told her I had to go outside but I soon returned. The next day I was so upset because I felt I had let her down and I had to go home the next day. The next time I saw her was on the south coast of Croatia where she works in the summer months and the place where I initially met her. I was really looking forward to seeing her but as soon as I arrived, I didn't recognise her. After the first two days, she showed no interest in me. She didn't like me wearing a baseball cap. She hated it when I hung my towel over the wardrobe door instead of out on the balcony. She told me my snoring wasn't sexy and I shouldn't eat with my mouth ful. She commented on how dirty my brothers stereo was which I borrwoed for the holiday. She observed some grime on the shower floor for two days to see if I would clean it up and observed the way I packed my suitcase. After much debate, we still decided that I should take the job but a week after I handed in my resignation she told me she wasn't in love with me, the relationship was finished and that she had met another guy on holiday whom she has had sex with. As I thought the fact of living together had put too much pressure on her I offered to find my own accommodation and live by myself, which made no difference. Up until four days ago, she sent me an SMS every day. She would wish me good night, ask me what I was doing and to tell me she wasn't happy if I she doesn't hear from me. I told her she finished the realationship and I had no reason to write to her anymore. I still feel very sad and I feel sick in my stomach because I loved her that much. One thing to bear in mind is that she was brought up through the war and left home to live by herself at 16. Apparently, she suffers from depression, gets very nervous, has personality changes which are all common symptoms from living through a war. I can accept the relationship is finished but I can't stop beating myself up because of what happened at the wedding reception and that everything is my fault. Your thoughts would be truly grateful. Thanks.
  19. My ex broke up with me on October 14th. For the full story you can search JustaFool. I'm 24 and she's 19. Our relationship of a year and a half was the best part of my life. The last month was terrible though. She works 2 jobs and is a very demanding academic program. I was always competing for her time. She broke up with me because she said I did not support her. Anyway, that's all in my last post. Recently, she believes that people are saying bad things about her to me. She call the other night crying that she didn't do anything, hook up with anyone, etc. She said all she does is work and go to school. I told her I changed and that things could be very different. She said, "I'd give you two weeks and things would go back to being the way they were." She was very concerned that I believed what someone said about her. I don't believe what those people said. Also, I was invited to a wedding this weekend by an exgirlfriend from college. She lives 5 hrs. away. My recent ex went to school 5 hrs away for a semester and I only went to see her out there once. She drove home every weekend. Anyway, when I told her that I might go out and go to that wedding, she freaked. She was upset because I never went out to see her, but I would drive out to go to this wedding. Of course, I'm not going to the wedding, and I made that clear to her, but she said that it hurt her that I would even consider it. Believe me, I never even considered it. I told her I was not going. She screamed and cried and told me she hated me. Two hours later she texted me saying, "I'm so sorry about my outburst before. I lied. I don't hate you. I'm just hurt." She keeps saying that she can't be with me "right now" because she's so hurt about everything. The outburst happened two days ago. I have had no contact since. She also told me that she went out on a "date" as friends and she paid her own way and there was no physical contact at all. Why would she be so concerned that I know she has not been with anyone else and that she is not partying and stuff. She always makes it a point to let me know that she studies and goes to work all the time. Why is she so concerned with what I think. I'm not initiating the contact either. We have had none in 2 days. Any advice on this like what I should do, shouldn't do, or what she's thinking? I love this girl more than anything and I want nothing more than for us to be together. I know space is the best option here. It's just that the hurt is there every morning when I wake up and it clings to me until I go to sleep at night. I pray to God that she sees what we could have before its too late.
  20. Hey, Here's my deal, I started seeing a girl who was a friend of my brothers girlfriend..get that? lol...well i've known her for a while and the whole time i have known her she has had this boyfriend..they broke up so I seen my opening..and we hit it off bigtime. We started seein eachother pretty seriously...almost every day. Well after about a month, she had a wedding to go to, and she had already invited her ex to go with her before they split up, when she came back from the wedding she was confused about things...so I just told her to be alone, well the next day she came back and we started seeing eachother again...almost the same thing happened about a month later, he started callin her tellin her he still loved her, and she got all confused about things...so I let her go again, she came back again..only this time she tells me she is so in love with me and she would never go back to him. Well now she goes away to school, and all of the gittery I love you I miss you stuff has just dissappeared after only a week of school. I came outright and asked her if she just thought she loved me and she said no, thats not it..i Love you. She also will not be "together" with me, by that I mean commit and actually say she is my girlfriend. She said that she has only been broken up for 4 months and is just not ready, but if she loves me, shouldnt she be ready? Well I told her im not dealing with it anymore, but now im doubting if I should have....any advice?
  21. I'm in a very tough situation. One of my best friends, who I have known for almost 10 years, invited me to her mom's wedding. She only got to invite a few friends. The same weekend is my boyfriend's college graduation. Although we have only been together a little over 4 months, we are very serious and we both know that this is going to be a very long term relationship. I know that it would mean so much to him to have me there. I would not want to regret missing his graduation. However, I did tell my friend I would go to the wedding, before I knew the date. Another issue is that the wedding is far away so airfare will be very expensive and i don't know if I'll have the money by then. What should I do? I love my boyfriend very much and he is wonderful. I know if I told him I was going to the wedding he would be disappointed and very upset but would understand. On the other hand, i don't know how my friend would react if I told her I could not make the wedding. I also know that it would mean more to my boyfriend that I was at the graduation than it would mean to my friend that I was at her mother's wedding. If I could go to both I would but that doesn't look like a possibility. Please help, any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
  22. Here's my situation: I've been in a new town for one year. I recently became engaged and moved in with my fiance. We bought a house. Her lack of enthusiasm about our wedding plans confused me. When I asked her she said she has unprocessed grief, loss and depression related to her first marriage. She apologized and told me that she has been "willing" herself to adopt a happier state of mind, but it's not working. Aside from the unprocessed grief, we both agree that we have fundamental personality differences. I'm low key, she's lively. I like quiet, she likes to "stir things up" (her words -I'm not trying to use pejorative descriptions). I have not formed a network of friends. The subject of friends and their importance comes up a lot. She told me she defines herself by her relationships with friends. I told her I don't, but that friends are important to me and I am looking forward to making friends here. I encourage her to go out with her friends, and we go out with other couples frequently. She is disappointed in my social interactions with her friends. I am happy with the interactions. My work is pretty easy. Hers is hard. She doesn't want much engagement when she comes home from work. She says her work is emotionally exhausting. Even a hug can upset her. She says I have an air of expectancy that is off-putting. I think I am just expressing joy at seeing her. She says my lack of friends and easy job leave me too focused on us. We agreed we can't marry in these circumstances. Our wedding, which was set for shortly after my move-in is now postponed indefinitely. She told me she was dreading the conversation about postponement and she was visibly relieved when the discussion turned to move-out plans. I told her I didn't want to act rashly. I felt some relief in knowing the causes of her lack of enthusiasm. She says she will see a counselor about the unprocessed grief. I have a deep investment in this relationship. We have dated for two years. A few days have elapsed since our wedding postponement and I can feel myself detaching from her. Given all the issues I have mentioned I am beginning to think I need to break up with her. I am lacking the desire to address the personality issues together with her because her sadness attaches to our relationship in a way that makes looking forward together impossible. I am trying to imagine possibilities other than a break-up, but the idea of suspending my hopes and plans while waiting to see what happens with her counseling makes me sad for myself and makes me question my self-esteem. Should I wait around to see is she will heal and be able to marry me? Is breaking up with her selfish or self-affirming?
  23. My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over two months. At the beginning everything was wonderful but I've noticed things changing over the past little while. At first she seemed very happy with who I was, but now she does things that make me wonder. Now if we make plans to go out she'll often tell me that I what I'm wearing isn't "stylish enough" and that I should change. She herself admits that she is somewhat shallow and that appearance is very important to her. By the way, I'm no slouch and dress very well - I'm always being complemented about it at work, I'm just not "trendy". An example - to wear shorts with sneakers is apparently a faux pas - I should be wearing sandals. ???? Also, she arranges for us to do things which she really likes but knows I won't enjoy - example: I'm fairly reserved and a bit of an introvert, but she likes putting me in situations were I'm not comfortable - the last time it was going to "Tony and Tina's Wedding" - an "interactive" comedy where you are accosted by the actors and made to feel like a loser if you don't want to join in. She loves this type of thing, but I would much rather not be involved. The are lots of other things that we both enjoy doing, but she seems to get a kick out of seeing me in an uncomfortable situation. I'm really confused about this because I believe that if you love someone you want to do things to make them feel good about themselves, not make them feel uncomfortable. Am I taking this too seriously, or should I simply be honest and say I'd prefer if we could do something else instead?? The problem is that she's always buying tickets etc without asking me first. Help!
  24. Okay, Heres the story. I have alot of sexual trauma in my past, plus I was raised in a very strict pentecostal religious home. When I moved out at 17 I was out to do what I wanted.(Seeing how I never even got to play outdoors.) After some financial struggles I ended up dancing in a topless club. You can only imagine what kind of old demons that brought up. That is when I met my husband. Over the course of our three year realationship it was always my desire to quit dancing, so much so that after a while I got severe depression. All the while I keep telling my, then somewhat lazy, husband I have to quit I can't take it anymore. He never said I had to but if I quit he would have to do something to help. A lot of our money at that time went to his hobby, racing cars. I am talking well over 10,000.! After he proposed we were planning the wedding and I decided that I could not wait so we moved the date up. I knew that this action would warrant me working ALL THE TIME. About that time he quit his job and decided to open his own company. Which is fine, but it did not bring in any income, it actually took some away. True I made the decsion to move the date but only because I did not anticipate him not having a job. I worked sometimes weeks in a row to pay bills and pay for an entire wedding alone. He actually gave me trouble about things he thought I wasn't doing right. Anyhow the business is doing well know although money is still very unreliable. I finally got to my breaking point after starting this new job as a loan officer and I am not able to go to work as a dancer anymore. I am not making a lot of income and I have no idea how I will in the NEAR future. We are buying a new home, I have a new carrer, we are still newlyweds,and we do not have a lot of money. Lately I have noticed that he has been downloading a lot of porn and I normanly and historicaly have not minded (we have watched together). I expressed my concern and he blows it off. He has been comparing me, and how I work, or how smart I am to my best friend. (we are competitive) He has also been tearing me down emotionally with the arguing, cynical comments, telling me, and acting like I am stupid and the list goes on. I am so insecure with my self and seeing that he downloaded 6 or 7 videos just while I was folding a load of laundry. Last week I was so out of it and deppressed that I do not even remember a lot of the week. In this last week I found out after the fact that every time he approached me for sex it was after he watched porn. What am I doing wrong? I am still attractive I think. Please help! I feel so worthless!
  25. Well, I really don't know where to begin. I don't even know if I am looking for advice at this point. All I know is that in one hour, my fiance will arrive home. She will be misserable, and I will either do one of two things. 1. Hide, watch TV, read a book, go out, something or 2. Talk to her now about what is happening to us, and why we can't get married. I am 30 years old, when I met my fiance I was 27. I was on vacation on the other side of the country and staying at some friends of the family. They had a student boarder from a foreign country staying there. I spent a couple of days with her, we got along really well, and we stayed in touch for a while after that. About six months later, she decided to visit me in my hometown. She stayed for a week, and on the second or third day, while we were watching TV, she grabbed me, kissed me, and from there we were intimate. When she left back to her home country at the end of the week, it was very difficult for either of us to leave each other. For months we stayed in touch. A few months later she returned for another week. This visit was a lot different. I think she got a lot out of it, but looking back at it, and I actually remember at the time thinking this, it was getting a little eerie. We were intimate a couple of times this time. She is a little homely, but cute, but still has a bit of a weight problem. Very clear complection, good teeth, doesn't like the taste of mint, so there's sometimes a breath issue. I'm getting really detailed here. I'll stop. The weird part of this trip, I was lying next to her, and she was asleep. I could tell by her breathing, or so I thought. I looked at her, and very very quietly whispered "I love you." She darted up and kissed me like she had been waiting for it. That freaked me a little. I don't know about anyone else, but I felt a need to "try it". I wasn't necessarily meaning it at the time. The reason that's important is because after that, the words I love you, were used pretty easily, and how it came out was just not the way I thought it would have. Let's skip a little, so she decides she's going to move to here. She wants to, not necessarily for me, she has always wanted to. So, I'm game, she moves in with me. I think that might have been the first mistake. We had assumed that because of the time we had spent off and on, we could skip the formal dating and go to living together. Big mistake. We're very different. I believe in having a good time in life. I make pretty good money, and I believe in using it as you need to or want to. Yes, I do have savings, but it is not my life's energy. My life's energy is enjoying what is out there. As well, I am very social and active in sports, which (as I mentioned the weight thing) is not. She believes in totally saving her money and we'll get more into that in a bit. So, we live together for a couple of years. I haven't really been looking, but there really hasn't been any opportunity either, that anyone else is going to sweep me off my feet. I figured it was fate, a sign, she was the one. I was very comfortable with her, my family got along with her, things were good. We hardly ever had sex, as I really am not that physically attracted to her. And it's more than just the physical. Her whole attitude is that of a kind of big, doesn't really want to exercise or anything, just eat, person... not my real deal. I'm open minded, and I've dated different people, different types, but I do take care of my body. So, now I'm at the point where I figure we might as well go the next step. I'm 30 now, so I figure I'm ready, and my mom approves, so I ask her to marry me. She says yes, it was a really nice night. Her parents come from the foreign country to meet me. We get along, everything's fine. We're three months away from the wedding. We had always had some differences. She wanted me to quit going out and partying with friends (which comes naturally when you're involved in outdoor group activities, I'm sorry) and I told her that wasn't going to happen. She accepted it. She wanted me to give my paycheque to her and she would give me an allowance. I was totally against that, but this was one that I gave into, and said once we were married, we would work something out with that. Basically, I put it off, bad idea again. She is also a clean freak, whereas I am not really so much. I'm not a slob, but I don't go dusting every minute of the day. Then there was the big thing she wanted changed, my mother. My mom lives fairly close to me, and has been the only family in my life. My dad left when I wasn't even born. Lately, because of the wedding plans, I have been seeing her about once a week, but usually I see her about 2 or 3 times a month, usually on a Sunday. It's usually 3 times a month, and I'll take a weekend off. Nothing big, just go there for dinner. For some reason, she doesn't like my mom. My mom drives me crazy sometimes with her old style opinions and the way she deals with things, but I realize that's just a generation gap. For the most part, except when I'm really stressed with things, I have a good relationship with her. I wouldn't have met the girl I am with if it wasn't for her, and we wouldn't be getting married if it wasn't for her. She wants to cut out visits to once or twice a month, but that's really not what bothers me about it. She's constantly bad mouthing my mom behind her back, and it's starting to piss me off. So, the fiance. The last couple of weeks, I have been getting a little depressed and actually have been more of a slob than usual. I wasn't bathing every day, I wasn't picking up after myself, and just generally not caring about too much. I know now what it is. This relationship, from the start, has been out of my control. I've just followed. I've had a little input, but it's mostly been her and my mom. Thing is, here's where I make headlines at least in two countries. If I call off this wedding, everything has been done for it. Trips have been booked, halls have been rented, we're talking a lot of money. I can afford to pay it back slowly, and my mom can afford to take it back slowly, but I know I'm going to have to deal with all kinds of crap. What I'm really trying to figure out is, I have all of these reasons for leaving, why do I want to stay? I mean, there has to be some sort of balance. I guess I will miss her. When I wake up in the mornings, I always like her next to me, cuz when she sleeps she can't be depressed, I guess. She is a little depressing, did I mention that? She whines and complains about things that are totally out of her control. Boy, this is not easy. Is anyone still reading? I do miss the idea of getting married, and I had fantasized in many ways how we would be togehter and have a family. Except we can't have a family until she feels that her career is where she wants it (a few years)... and I want one soon. But then again, if I break up, I'm going to have to go through the dating scene again, and by the time, and if, I meet someone, and ever settle down, that could be years too before we're ready for kids. I know no one is reading anymore, so I'm almost analyzing my own writing here. I really don't want to hurt her. I don't know how that can be avoided at this time. The thing is, I really don't know how I am going to have this conversation, my main problem is I'm a coward for emotional confrontation. So, if anyone is still there, shoot me.
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