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Crazyaboutdogs

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Everything posted by Crazyaboutdogs

  1. Crazyaboutdogs
    There is more to life and people than whether or not they run marathons, go to the gym regularly and are into athletic activities. I tend to find people like that use it as a badge of honour and turn their noses up at people who don't fit into that lifestyle and view them as unhealthy slackers. If people want to be athletic, great, do whatever makes you happy. But don't think you are so special and great just because you do and others don't. Other people may choose intellectual pursuits, volunteerism etc. People who exercise constantly are not necessarily healthier than people who exercise moderately or don't go to a gym or climb mountains. Plenty of exercise fanatics die of cancer, heart attacks etc. Yes, people want to marry or spend time with others who share the same values and interests, that's only natural and there is nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is having a snobbish attitude towards others who don't share your interests.
  2. Crazyaboutdogs
    Wow! You are trying to force her to lose weight and wear makeup so she can be sexy to you. If you can't accept her for who she is then do her a favour and let her find someone who loves her for who she is inside, not just for the superficial outer packaging. What would you do if you got married to a bombshell who is a toothpick and looks like a hollywood celebrity, all dressed up and sexy and then suddenly she gets ill and no longer looks like a bombshell....or if she gets ill and has to start taking prednisone which causes weight gain. Is she morbidly obese or did she just put on a few pounds? Perhaps her attitude towards you comes from bitter resentment over the fact that you are devaluing her as a person and only seem to see her as a sexual being and trophy to be paraded around rather than who she is as a person. If you can't fix your attitude, she might end up dumping you first. You can't force someone to lose weight, love to run to the gym, and wear makeup. If she wants to do that, she should do it for herself, when she is ready and because she wants to, not because her boyfriend or anyone else thinks it is the best thing for her, and certainly not because there is a threat that you will leave if she doesn't comply.
  3. Crazyaboutdogs
    Yes, I think it is completely wrong to get in touch with anyone (be it male or female) you haven't really kept in contact with, for the soul reason of filling up time while you are on a break from your girlfriend. That is called using. If you have no intentions of continuing contact if you get back together with your girlfriend then I would say leave it alone. I always hated when women would cut their friends out of their lives once they get into a relationship and then suddenly re-appear when that relationship ends, only to disappear again when they either get back together with their ex or move on to a different relationship. Either you are friends for the long haul or you keep away and not use people and throw them aside when you no longer need them.
  4. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am a size 10-12 and have been for many years. I am very large chested and have the classic Marilyn Monroe, hourglass figure. My mother always saw me as overweight (I was even put on a diet when I was in grade 3). All the time I was growing up, I would hear comments about my weight from her or my grandfather (her father). My grandfather would see me and ask if I put on weight, how would I attract men if I was fat. Througout the time I lived at home, I was put on diets or told I was overweight. When I moved away from home, one time I went back home to visit and my mother told me "I want you to lose some weight". My response: I told her that I am living on my own now and that I will lose weight when I am good and ready to lose weight and that I don't want to hear about it anymore. After that, she never hassled me about it again, however, to this day I see her giving me the look up and down and making subtle comments about whether the clothes I am wearing suit me or not. I just ignore it. If your mother is ashamed of your weight, that is her problem. She should be proud of you and your accomplishments. When she insults you about your weight and says she is ashamed of you, you should tell her how hurtful and inappropriate she is and that your body is your business not hers. You can tell her that if she is ashamed of you because of your weight and she can't see beyond that, that is her problem to deal with, not yours.
  5. Crazyaboutdogs
    A woman who is worth your time will not care whether or not you have been in a relationship. Not all woman think only men who have been around the block are desirable. Showing selectivity is a desirable trait. Showing that you are not going into relationships just for the sake of having experience, is an admirable quality and one that people should practice more because it leads to less regrets. I disagree with the notion that only having a relationship lets you know what you do and do not want. Perhaps people who don't fly into and out of relationships all the time are the ones who really do know what they want and won't settle for anything less.
  6. Crazyaboutdogs
    I think your boyfriend has watched too much Seinfeld (I seem to recall an episode like this). That was a TV program, this is real life. I am not quite sure what this is trying to prove but it really is some kind of game which has no place in a healthy relationship. I would tell him you are not interested in playing this kind of childish game. If you are in a healthy relationship, there is nothing wrong with wanting sex. Relationship or no relationship, there is nothing wrong with masturbating. To make a pact not to have it for 30 days just to prove whatever, is ridiculous.
  7. Crazyaboutdogs
    Going through adversity can really help someone grow and mature. As a result of going through Katrina and losing everything, she may have developed a whole new perspective on life and love. No matter what she will say or do, including a polygraph test, you will only be able to trust her once you yourself have let go of the past. This is your issue to deal with. If you feel you will never be able to trust her, then you have to let her go. Your continued distrust will poison the relationship. I understand why you wouldn't trust her, if it were me I would be having doubts as well. Under normal circumstances I would say that with her history, she could do it again once your relationship becomes routine and safe. HOWEVER, as I said above, the fact that she has gone through such a traumatic experience, may have totally changed her outlook so that she would never repeat the same behaviour.
  8. Crazyaboutdogs
    Do they not provide CAT scans for people who can't afford them? It sounds to me that you really should get one done. Without your health, everything else is meaningless. When something feels wrong, healthwise, it is always important to get it checked out. Bloodwork doesn't always show everything that is going on in the body. A CAT scan will really help to find out what is wrong. Even it shows nothing, the money is well spent because then you have peace of mind. Good health is the most valuable thing you have and it is worth taking care of.
  9. Crazyaboutdogs
    Okay, I am confused. Did you just start dating this man and he mentioned getting married in a year and right away you are going full force into planning a wedding? How long have you actually known this man? What makes you think he is actually serious about marriage. If you just started dating, it is a bit premature to be planning marriage. It also strikes me as odd that if you just started dating, he says he wants it a year from now and then comes up with 2009. Are you sure he is not taking you for a ride? It sounds very suspicious to me.
  10. Crazyaboutdogs
    I did not mean to offend. I wish you all the best in your quest.
  11. Crazyaboutdogs
    The fact that he is so pointed and making it very obvious that he is staring at you can also be taken as intimidation. When someone really stares at someone, being blatantly unashamed and obvious about it, that is not about missing someone, it is about intimidation. He did that, you contacted him to get together and he said no. This is all about control and nothing more. Stay away from him until he grows up.
  12. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am always amazed by women who say they just want casual sex but then get upset when the guy doesn't call. You won't die if you don't have sex. If you go out looking for casual flings remember the following: 1. you may end up getting more attached than you expected. 2. He may end up getting more attached. 3. Unfortunately double standards are still alive and well so guess what....he will be considered a stud and your name will be bandied around as "for a good time call..." The caution to men of thinking with their head not with what is between their legs, holds just as true for women. You have only been broken up for two months. Heal from that first and have a fulfilling life and then you might find a more fulfilling relationship with great sex.
  13. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sometimes detaching from a relationship is the best way to figure yourself out. When you are still in the relationship, you get side-tracked by the "relationship" stuff, both physical and emotional. Sometimes a "time out" helps you put things into perspective, get a fresh view on things. Relationships are not always about working on problems together. Sometimes people have to work on their own problems and issues alone to in order to sort things out. Giving space is not necessarily the death throes of a relationship.
  14. Crazyaboutdogs
    People do crazy things when they are unsure about a relationship. Plenty of people break up, get back together and live happily ever after. I wouldn't make a blanket statement that people who really care don't need to break up and know right away that this is the one for them. Sure, there are lots of people who go that route, have never broken up, know this is the one.....marriage....and guess what, it falls apart afterwards (but hey, they never broke up while they were dating). Breaking up could mean the relationship is and never will be solid....but it could also mean that it could ultimately strengthen bonds. It is when people go through rough times that they become stronger. I would just ignore the profile for now. If you do end up getting back together, it may come up in the conversation and it may not. Just go with the flow and carry on with your life.
  15. Crazyaboutdogs
    What your male friend said is just as ludicrous as saying that most women are gold diggers and just want a man to take care of them financially, and will thereforeeee lie through their teeth and say anything to get this guy's money. You can't make generalizations like that. Everyone is different. Maybe men are not answering this because they find the comments so preposterous. Just because he is a scientist, doesn't make him all-knowing. I am a scientist as well and have certainly seen my fair share of very arrogant scientists who think they know everything about everything. As a previous poster wrote, just look at the pain expressed by many of the male posters on these boards. Women do not hold the monopoly on deep and sincere emotions.
  16. Crazyaboutdogs
    I disagree. When I read that reply I thought it was quite rude. I think it is always better to take the high road. A simple, short "Thanks for the good wishes" would have sufficed. Regardless of the fact that he left you for someone else, the fact that your email was definitely dripping with hostility showed him that you still really care. Had you responded with a simple "Thanks" it would have shown that you are indifferent and have moved on. This just gave him ammunition to feel smug about himself and to know that he still gets to you. Also, it is quite possible that he was really just wishing you well in your new professional phase of life, with no ulterior motive.
  17. Crazyaboutdogs
    Perhaps needy men are not what women want, but it sure seems that being needy and insecure as a woman, is your ticket to having no problem finding a boyfriend! I have seen plenty of desperate and insecure women having absolutely no problems finding a man. Men seem to flock to these women. It is the independent women who would like a man in their life but are not desperate and carry on with their own life, who can't seem to find a man who is interested.
  18. Crazyaboutdogs
    "He makes me feel like an idiot at times because he is never on my side. I don't know what to do to get him to treat me with respect and admire me the way he does all the eduacated folks that he is talking about." Sorry, I don't know how to do the quotes. Can you be more specific on how he makes you feel like an idiot? From the way you have written your post, it sounds to me that you do indeed have self-esteem issues, feel insecure about your past and the fact that you didn't finish high school. Reading more is not garbage, it is how you learn and how you can contribute to converstations. Do you want to go to college for yourself or to prove something to him? If you don't get a grip on your own insecurities and fix yourself, you are going to drive your husband further and further away. He married you for your wonderful qualities. Let those qualities shine through and don't let it get poisoned by your own self-esteem issues.
  19. Crazyaboutdogs
    Why did you and your ex break up in the first place? If you want to get back with your ex, you should not be seeing another woman. It is not fair to this other woman. I notice that you mentioned that this new woman is more attractive than your ex. Is that why you are dating her? You just broke up a month ago and you are already dating someone else....who happens to be the same person you dated during the last break-up with your ex. You need to heal yourself and not go running to other women for solace. If you get back with your ex, you will have played with this new woman's emotions yet a second time. That is not fair.
  20. Crazyaboutdogs
    Based on my experience with shy guys and the reading I have done on the shy people part of this forum and from articles, I would say this guy is interested but just very shy. The fact that he talks to everyone else but not you but yet catches your eye and smiles, and wants to see you but can't seem to make the move, is a clear indication that he is shy. Since you have already asked him out, the ball is in his court. If he can't overcome his shyness, there is nothing you can do.
  21. Crazyaboutdogs
    Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include: threatening or intimidating to gain compliance destruction of the victim's personal property and possessions, or threats to do so violence to an object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) or pet, in the presense of the intended victim, as a way of instilling fear of further violence yelling or screaming name-calling constant harassment embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends criticizing or diminishing the victim's accomplishments or goals not trusting the victim's decision-making telling the victim that they are worthless on their own, without the abuser excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends and family excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they are at home or where they said they would be saying hurtful things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and using the substance as an excuse to say the hurtful things blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels making the victim remain on the premises after a fight, or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to "teach them a lesson" making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship
  22. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sounds to me like she has control issues. Be very careful about this one. She is emotionally abusive. Typical behaviour of emotional abuse is devaluing the person's interests, job, friends etc, every situation being all about them and there needs and wants, being antagonistic so that it drives the partner away and then they cry and beg for the partner to come back. The list goes on. The longer you stay, the worse it will get. You are absolutely right about steering clear of marriage with her.
  23. Crazyaboutdogs
    It sounds to me that this guy just wanted to get laid (he was definitely setting the stage and doing the sweet talk, hand stroking, etc). He was using all the lines and strategies in the book. "he could easily have feelings for you". Talk about classic pick-up lines. Count yourself lucky that you didn't go back to his place. His strategy now is to make you feel jealous so that you run to him and are ready to give him the booty call. Stay away. A nice guy would not behave like that. I am sure he realizes you care and he is just trying to make you feel so insecure that he gets what he wants. Sorry to be so blunt. You really deserve better than that.
  24. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sinead, aside from the issues your boyfriend has, I agree with rnorth, you need to think about your own actions as well. Case in point, how incredibly defensive you got in response to rnorth's post. You insisted that there is nothing about yourself to think about. Your actions are very hasty...hence continually breaking up in anger and then wanting to get back together. That is enough to drive someone away. Just because he chose to play golf, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. I myself have a PhD and know just how difficult, time-consuming and stressful taking courses and writing a thesis is. If you find you are giving too much and he is too pre-occupied with other things, back off but don't break up. Just do your own thing and have your own life and interests as well. That may alleviate the resentment which then builds to hostility and the repeated breakups and then remorse.
  25. Crazyaboutdogs
    Don't feel bad about yourself and don't feel embarrassed. The fact that there was talk about getting back together means that he was interested. When people give mixed messages "come here, go away" more than likely they are interested but have their own issues that block them. Issues that have nothing to do with the extremely overused and simplistic "he's just not that into you" crap. Not every relationship that doesn't work out falls into the neat category of "not being into you". People have all kinds of baggage that sometimes prevents them from trusting, letting go of past hurts and moving on to a healthy relationship. It is often very difficult to talk to friends because they don't see the interaction between the couple so they can't really judge. They don't see the body language, the words, the tone, the little nuances. The person directly involved does and can thereforeeee make judgements that outsiders can't. I have been in this situation before and it is really frustrating because you see things others just can't, so they regard you as being blinded by wishful thinking when that is not the case at all. Right now you are dealing with the hurt and frustration that comes with a reconciliation that just doesn't pan out. The frustration built up to a point that you needed to vent. There is no shame in that. Let your friends think what they want. You know the truth and that is all that matters.
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