buzzerfly

Okay you are right reading more is not garbage. I was very emotional when I wrote this. I guess I want a short term solution to the algebra. And yes I do believe I may be insecure about my past. But as far as my husband goes and him pointing that out to me I just don't see the relevence in that. I never thought of my short comings so much until we got married. I want to go to college for many reasons. I wanted to go to school before I met him but I would definitely say that he is one of the reasons. Why I don't know. I guess I am envious of his admiration and respect that he gives others that have a degree. Does that make me right no I know. I also want to be able to have a better job. I have been working for the same company for six years and I feel stuck. My company will pay for me to go to school too. When I say I don't know why he married me is more out of frustration. He knows who I am. You can't hide from your boss your education and of course he knows about my children. I am just saying that if that bothered him and he doesn't respect the person that I am then why? Your right if I keep nagging him we may not work out. That is one reason I am posting here. I told him I thought that we should go to counseling and he says that he doesn't have time. He's right I know that he doesn't but it would mean a lot to me if he made the time. Yes I am fairly happy. He has this way of making comments that make me feel bad. For instance I will say I am tired I need your help around the house then he says well my mom took care of three kids and did all the work and had a job just like you. I am just tired of that. I mean I mow the lawn and he says my mom did that too. If he is not making comments about my education level then it is about something else. I just want to be able to talk to him in a way that he will listen and not feel under attack. Thanks for the help!!

My problems sounds like some of the others on here but unique in that I brought two children in to the marriage and he didn't bring any. Also, he was my boss for two years and then we started dating. I remained in this department for another year and then switched because it was too hard to keep our relationship a secret any longer. And plus I was no longer a fan of him bossing me around so to speak. Now three years later we are married. He is ten years older then me and has never been married before. My life compared to his seems a little messed up to talk about. I was pregnant young and I dropped out of high school. Then needless to say five years later I fell in love with someone else and had another baby. I know wise move for me but hey I admit I am not exactly great with my decision making. Well this guy I was with him abosolutely adored him dumped me when I was pregnant. That is where my husband comes in. He was my boss and I was pregnant and no one else knew until a month before my baby was born. I was torn up (emotionally) and he was there for me after my son was born. I feel like I was very vulnerable and in an awkward position but I continued to pursue the relationship. I don't understand what he would see in me. I mean really because now I always feel so darn dumb around him and I continuosly hear him refer to this person or that person and blah blah college. He makes me feel like an idiot at times because he is never on my side. I don't know what to do to get him to treat me with respect and admire me the way he does all the eduacated folks that he is talking about. Sorry I know this is long. but here is the main part. I have been attempting to go to college for quite sometime now. haha! I do struggle in a subject and I tell him this and tell him my fears and I just don't know what to do he doesn't help me much. He tells me that I should read more and all this garbage. By the way I struggle with algebra. He is supposed to adopt my youngest son and for the longest time I was really not that sure. It is the whole biological thing that bothers me but he has bothered me about getting the paperwork for the adoption and I did a month ago and filled it all out and he won't even make the time to sign the darn thing so I can send it in. Then I told him last night that forget it because this is the fifth time I have asked you about it and I am not begging anyone to adopt my child. He said I am not sure now that it would be a good idea . SO what now he is mad at me because I don't want to read the world news to become educated in algebra and I blew up at him. I resent him I know and he thinks that I am insane in desperate need of a constant prozac IV drip. I just don't think he believes in me and if he thinks I am so dumb I just don't know why he married me. When I talk to him about that he says I have low self-esteem. I am like what ? Really I think everyone else is wrong and I am all that. Just kidding but I am sensitive at times and I think I could definitely improve in some areas but I am also proud of who I am. I just don't know what to do. I want to be equal to him and not beneath him and I don't know how to get through this. I just worry that he looks down on me for the decisions that I made in the past. What do I do? He takes offense and feels like he is under attack if I talk to him about this. I try to remove the blame words when speaking to him but he is offended. Please help thanks!