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  1. I've just met someone via a dating app and we've been on a few dates. We get on very well, have shared values and there is a lot of chemistry, but he happened to mention that he had just got out of a 6.5-year relationship (after ongoing issues for a couple of years in the relationship, she broke up with him a month ago and moved out of the city). We were both open about our dating history and I mentioned that I had been through a bad break-up last year and that I am keen to find the right person this time for something long-term. After that date, I sent him a message saying that I wasn't sure that we were both looking for the same thing and that I wondered if it was too soon for him, so perhaps we should stop seeing each other. I said that casual relationships didn't make me feel fulfilled and I thought that was perhaps more what he was looking for. He said he understood my being hesitant given my recent break-up, but that I shouldn't worry because he thought we were on the same wavelength: he isn't sure it's really "as casual as that," he likes me and the time we spend together is great. He said things are well and truly over with his ex and that if we cease being on the same wavelength, we can just stop seeing each other so we should "go with the flow." He has since gone out of his way to come and see me, not just for "Netflix and chill," but I'm unsure whether to take it slow and give it a chance, or to cut it off now to avoid any misunderstandings later down the line. Any advice please?
  2. I'm worried I might be rebounding... My ex and I broke up and I started seeing this guy at work shortly after who I was never really attracted to but had always really liked me and is super kind and sweet but not the typical guy I date and wanted to see. He likes me a lot. I think about my ex everyday still and we had a very connected albeit rocky relationship... I was talking to my ex alot still and sleeping with him when I was starting to date this new guy. I had also hooked up with my exes best friend right after we broke up and he forgave and tried to move forward, but he works a long way away and I was still hanging out with this new guy alot. I had told me ex to come and visit and we hooked up... but things got messy because I hooked up with the new guy when my ex was in town... I told my ex I hooked up with him and he finally had enough I guess, told me to tell this new guy what had been going on between the two of us... or he was going to do it himself. I had rejected this new guy once when I was starting to hook up with my exes best friend.... and then I had to tell him that I had been hooking up with my ex when we were first starting to date. I'm also the first girlfriend he has ever had. The new guy has forgiven me and we are now dating.... but I still think about my ex everyday. Mostly I am just curious... Do you guys think I'm in a rebound relationship? Has anyone ever had any good experiences with rebounds?
  3. Hello... I'm 34y old and I met a very cool and beautiful 31y old girl on a dating website, I really liked her a lot but I was emotionally unavailable due to my previous relationship, I was with a crazy person who were telling lies all the time, menacing me of suicide etc... I lost tons of weight, could not eat because of this bad person... So when I met this new girl, I let her know about the crazy relationship i had before, and I told her that I was feeling "empty" and needed time.. We started our relationship and It was awesome at first, we both loves anime, manga, movies etc... after a few months she even talked about our futur etc (and in my head I though It was kinda fast to talk about this). Well months passed but i still had some issues, "feeling empty" I wanted to be alone the week and wanted to see her only on week-end... (She didn't like that, and I agree with her). I was still feeling empty, and she was telling my stories that didn't help me like : "I got rid of my best friend because she said that and that, I got rid of this person too, My mother is lucky to be my mother because i'd like to get rid of her too, I got rid of the guy because he did that and that." She got also very angry at me one day because she was waiting for me in her car and i came 15mins late, she was really really upset that it almost killed our day. I was thinking to myself "wow, If I open myself too much, and she get rid of me..." Wasn't helping me AT ALL... And after 6 months, she decided to get rid of me lol ^^ We had an argument about a silly joke I made, I like to make jokes all the time and she said "too much jokes, not enough of love", saying jokes is sometimes a way to get closer to the people I appreciate, but it's another story. She said my jokes are getting annoying, I don't show enough and I don't see her enough, and we always pay half/half at the restaurant... I did my best to show her my regret, I told her I'll change, i bought her a gift, I said that I don't want to loose her, that I love her, I kissed her hands (I cried too, It's bad I know) but no... She said we should remain friends because she doesn't want to cut contact because she likes me... After 2 weeks chasing her, she didn't even want to see me in person she said she was not ready, so I said "ok I give up" she replied "ok 😞 sorry to be annoying, wish you the best" and she deleted me everywhere... I tried NC for 10 days and came back she replied to me but it was a bit cold, I tried NC again for 10 days more, came back, I just said that I was thinking about her and wanted to say hello she replied "oh 🙂 " "you can come saying hello anytime you want to", then we talked a bit, about some series on netflix, but it was just being polite, I was saying 3 sentences she was replying two words... So I stopped talking and i'm back in NC for 10 days now... and I feel bad again, I miss her... After all this chasing, i'm thinking myself that I should leave her alone and see if she decides to give another try with me later, but since she left because I was "neglecting" her, I always feel I should try to show my interest more and more... She is a military, and a VERY stubborn person, if many people tell her a movie is good she won't see it just to do the opposit of what people think lol If i still have a slim chance, what should i do ? trying again or let her go ? thanks...
  4. hey guys.... and gals... havnt done this before but i am a bit strapped for ideas lol... i'll start from the top its a bloody long story lol... Myself and my mates ex hooked up on new years eve this year... just a very drunken kiss nothing more and he caught us and wasn't too happy about it.. which is fair enough.. A few weeks later she came back up (she moved back home a cpl of hours away) to sort some sh!t out with him and met his "rebound" and wasn't to impressed so she messaged me and told me to go out that night... I did go and didn't do anything... they got into another fight that night and i messaged her the next day after she went home to make sure it was all good... apparently i had been used to just get back at him which i wasn't too happy about but i got over it... A month or so later we were still calling and messaging each other when she told me she liked me... which floored me to be honest.. but after thinking i came to the realisation i liked her too... She was absolutely certain she was over him as well.. We were planning on going to see one another without him finding out (mind you this is totally out of character to me.... i would normally never ever do anything like this) when she was offered a job back here to start ASAP... Before she moved back i asked her 5 or 6 times if she was 100 percent sure she wanted to keep going with it and she said she was... She came back... we were alright for a week or so ... seeing each other and that sort of thing and up until tuesday afternoon it was all sweet... not even too hours after i see her tuesday afternoon she says we cant do this and it can't happen.... I wasn't very happy.. .she came around and we talked about it a bit.... as much i could because i'm still pretty pissed off about it lol... she said that she likes me ... but it just cant happen that she needs to be single for a while and its not normal... we still kissed a few times but every time she kept saying it just cant happen and it wont.... We talked about it some more a bit later and she said that she doesnt want to be a b!tch by saying yes now and then turning around and saying no because i will only be her rebound.... I asked her if she even ever did like me at all or whether i was just a rebound ... .she said she does like me... thats why she doesnt want me to be her rebound... Hopefully someone can be bothered to read it and give me their thoughts... i got no idea what to do.. .or what she means....
  5. I posted the other night about my ex breaking NC after almost a month with a 5 am phone call. I told her to get a hold of me when she found my W2's and let me know when she could send them. Well she got a hold of me, here's the message I received on myspace a few hours ago... I can look today, but it would be easier if i could fax them from my office at the tax place i work. And oh yea, your girlfriend XXXX aint got on me !!! When do you know you are coming back to the west coast? And who are you moving in with ? well give me a shout. I love you. XXXXX LOL. Yeah, alright. The girl she is referring to, is not my gf, and the ex knows that. She's a girl I had a little "rebound" with last summer after we broke up the first time, and we've kept in touch. We comment back and forth every couple days. So I really didn't think too much of it, until this other girl. The rebound girl, send me a message saying "Why is your watch guard leaving me messages?" and sent me what my ex send her. Which said... You don't got on me XXXX! That's why he didn't have sex with you last summer when you guys met. Yeah, I know all about you! You're M's cousin right? So, I officially feel like I'm back in high school. We don't talk for a month, I'm sure she has a little "make me feel better" bf, because she hates being alone, and now she's trying to find reasons to start something? Seriously... !
  6. I haven't been on here for a while, but I wanted to update you guys who have been following my story and offering me advice. Brief Recap: High school sweetheart cheated on me and broke up with me after 2.5 years together, saying she didn't love me as a boyfriend anymore. Went through weeks and weeks of tears, depression, laziness, did NC for a month, wanted her back more than anything. After 2.5 months a former teacher of mine emailed me and said he had a student who wanted a date for Valentine's Day, so he wanted to set me up on a blind date. I still didn't feel like I was completely over my ex, but I had been doing better recently, so I actually agreed. The blind date was wonderful! The girl was cute, funny, smart, lots of similar interests. We've gone on two dates since then and we are going on another this weekend. I'm trying to take things slow (we haven't even kissed yet) because I don't want to rush into anything. I have so much fun whenever I am with her. The best part is, I think I have truly grasped that my ex and I were not meant for each other. NC was helpful in making me realize I could live without her. I tried to limit myself from checking her Facebook profile online, but I got weak from time to time and checked. As much as it hurt at the time (and believe me, I can't even describe how much it hurt) I think seeing her send messages/take pictures with other guys helped me move on. I still have the occasional bump along the road and lots of things still remind me of my ex, but I can now talk/think about her without experience all of that pain and hurt. The new girl has a lot to do with it, too. She has made me realize that there are other girls out there just as fun, pretty, and engaging as my ex. My relationship with my ex was my first relationship ever, so I'm not really sure how rebounds work ... maybe this new girl is a "rebound". All I know is that I am 100% okay with the idea that I will never be with my ex again and I can't wait to see where things go with this new girl. Thanks for all the help and support from you guys when I was going through the roughest of times. You guys are the best!
  7. My break up was messy. If you don't know it I will recap it quickly. It was a 4 year relationship. Last April she kissed my roommate a few weeks before I was planning to propose. We were working things out and right as things were getting better she met a guy at work and broke up with me. We got back together a week later but she never stopped seeing him like she said she would. She had an emotional affair with this guy for 4 months before I ended it with her in December because I found out, and she wanted freedom. We tried to work things out, but nothing worked, and she would not stop seeing him. I have been on NC for 13 days now, and am doing well. I only want to talk to her to yell at her. I don't miss her because she treated me so poorly. Anyway, since breaking up with my ex, I have gone out with a few girls. I have gone out with one girl 2 times, and am really starting to like her. I am very worried about this being a rebound relationship, but we have a TON in common and I enjoy spending time with her. I can do things with her I could never do with my ex, and feel like a whole new world has opened up to me. What can I do to prevent this from turning into a rebound? I don't want to hurt her, and I can't get heartbroken again this soon. I'm doing my best to take it very slow, and trying not to call her too often. We have already planed a third date, and I know we both see this turning into something. Any advice or examples on rebound relationships would help me. Thanks!!!
  8. Question: If you were on the rebound, would you hook-up with an ex or a stranger? With a stranger, there's no chance of getting hurt or attached, but sometimes meaningless sex can make you feel worse. With an ex, well, I don't know - never had the guts to try that (although I am on good terms with all my exes) .. comments, anyone? If this has been a previous topic, I apologize - I am a newbie!!!
  9. Hello all, Fist post here.. I've been reading a bit as a guest and thought I'd share some info and seek some advice. Kind of a lengthy story. Anyways, I met a girl in September. We got to know each other as friends and she had a boyfriend ... I was never real close to her ... just more of a fun acquaintence. In December, she ended it with her boyfriend of 5 years. I never ever considered dating her and was pursuing someone else, which didn't work out at about the same time. In January, we started actually hanging out and went on a few dates and things just sort of happened. After a few dates, we were getting intimate and I stopped her and told her the truth. I was a virgin and was waiting for someone special to share that part of my life with. She seemed shocked at first, but that didn't scare her away. We also talked about the fact that she had just gotten out of a long term relationship and how if I was going to be a rebound, I wanted nothing to do with her. After a few more times, we talked more about what sex meant to each of us and we had similar views. Then that's when I decided that I was ready... if it happened ... it happened. We had sex not long after... A week later, on a Tuesday, towards the end of January, she told me it was getting serious and she wasn't ready for that... it hurt, but I told her I understood. She then wanted to plan going out on Sunday. I agreed. On that Sunday, we went out and had fun. I ended up back at her place and that evening she said she wanted to date me exclusively. I was a little reluctant because she had just told me she wasn't ready and just got out of a long relationship. After talking for a bit, I agreed. After a little over a month, we spent more time together ... a couple of times or more per week. I got to know her more and she got to know me more and I have to say I fell for her... again. There were qualities I didn't like, but noone is perfect. I even sort of liked the qualities I didn't like haha We had our own interests, but shared common important ones like family, goals in life, having fun, a healthy lifestyle, etc. Anyhow, After a little over a month, we didn't see each other for a week. I went on a mental health trip and she went on a trip to see family. Her family had told her before that they felt it was too soon to be involved with another person. After I got back, I talked to her on the phone and she said that it wasn't going to work out because out personalities were different and we want different things. I had a gut instinct that she was lying... you know how sometimes you can just tell.... the way something is said?? I was devastated. I asked her if I was just a rebound to her ... and her response was when you are dating, you just don't know. so I haven't talked to her for a while and ran into her a couple of times and had a fun conversation with her. I haven't called her or plan on calling her. Anyone that has been in this situation or hasn't, if she called me and wanted to date again, would I be stupid for saying yes? if so or not, why? I thought about the situation, and feel I would end up saying yes. ... and no, I am not waiting around for her to call. I feel that it does make it more difficult because she was the first woman I have made love to. Thanks for your insights
  10. last november i started "talking" to this guy that had just got out of a long relationship. at first i didn't take it too seriously, and he even told me that he didn't want me to be a rebound girl. we had a bit of a falling out in march or april and in may til now we have been dating and seeing eachother quite a bit. the only thing is....i have no idea what our status is and i'm afraid to ask him because i know that a lot of guys hate talking about this. he never officially asked me to be his girlfriend but as far as i know, i'm the only one he's seeing and i've met his family and friends. and he always tells me that he loves me. i'm just really confused....helpppp.
  11. Ok so I hit a brick wall last night. I'm still really confused about this NC thing. May I ask what is the point? I contacted him and we had a talk. Finally after 2 months of him saying "I think this is what we need right now" I finally got "yes I want to be friends b/c we were together for so long but no I don't want to be with you anymore". So great now I can move on right?????? Well for me that will be hard but I refuse to let someone get me down. Should I start dating???? I don't want to think about him and I don't want to hurt so a rebound could be a good thing right???? Tell me, honestly what would be the best thing for me to do. It's so obvious that I love him and want him back. What must I don't to get over that???
  12. I'm Better Than This I dont deserve to be used, My hopes, my fears, you chose to abuse, I dont deserve the way things are, I could sit all night in this bar, All I ever wanted, was to be wanted back, But alas there was never any chance of that, And now I realise it's time to go, I'll trapse away through my minds snow, Wondering how things might have been different, If I was stronger, and not so belligerent, My head is small, my mind is closed, And yet from this my instinct arose, It knew it would happen, I knew what you wanted, So why oh why do I feel so stunted? All I can say is I'm better than this, My head knows that, and in that I can dismiss, The need to be near you, to feel bliss, So from now I'll go on, I'll feel no regret, Because you are the one I know I'll forget. I'm better than this, I'm better than you, I'm better than a rebound, I'm better than random sound, Goodbye to you, Because now we're done, I walk away in to a brighter sun A bit more rhyming than my usual style, but it's how I feel.
  13. Hey all! Its been over two months since me and my ex (dated for 5 years) broke up. When the whole thing started, she told me that she was seeing this guy from work, but only as a friend. Of course I was suspiscious as the breakup came totally out of the blue. Before that we were so happy together, and then one day she told me she thinks we should see other people. She kept insisting that this guy was just a friend and nothing more. But he did tell her he had feelings for her and asked her on a date a while back and she said no. Well in the last week or so, people have been telling me that they have seen her with him at the bars, and referred to him as her "boyfriend". This obviously leads me to believe that they saw something that would make them think that. I really started to heal well and she assured me that she would let me know if she started something with someone else. In reality though I had to find out for myself online when he posted a note on her wall saying how he was so glad to be with her and he was glad she was sitting on his lap when he wrote the message, and thanked her for being the best girlfriend ever. That was so hard to read and today I feel back at square one. I cant stop thinking about her and her new BF. I wish she would have told me 2 months ago and saved me a lot of emabrassment and pain. But anyway here is what I am wondering. Its obvious that this would be considered a rebound relationship. I was hoping to get some advice, stories, facts, anything that can help me understand why someone would start a relationship this quickly after dating someone for 5 years. I would appreciate some advice from both the men and the women. Women: if you've been in a rebound what did it accomplish, how long did it last, did you stay with him? Guys: Have you had an ex ina rebound, what were your thoughts, how did you cope? Things like that. I know there are plenty of people on here who have experienced this so I am looking to you for help!!! PLease let me know what rebound relationships amount to in the end? Do the ever actually work? Please help!! I started to heal the last week or so and have initiated strict NC, but today is her birthday and I cant stop thinking about her. I want so badly to send her a text wishing her a happy birthday. But I just dont know if it would help anything. I dont want to be rude or seem mean but i just dont see it benefiting me at all. so please some help on this would be great. Anything you can give would be great. Thanks a ton. This is really the only place I can go for advice right now and you guys are the best. Thanks
  14. Do you think that, either consciously or subconsciously, people look for the opposite traits in their next bf/gf? For instance if the ex was aloof and independent, would the next one tend to be more clingy and needy (I know those words "clingy" and "needy" connote very negative qualities so feel free to interpret them in a more neutral manner)?
  15. As i sit here ...reading the paper with a cup of D&D pondering past relationships. i wonder...what is the definition of a rebound relationship? How do you know when you are in one? How do you know when you are the rebounder or the reboundee? Is there a time frame inbetween relationships that should be given to prevent a "rebound"? According to Charlotte from Sex in the city... (an expert in her own right lol) it takes half the time of the total relationship to be "over it"... and according to Dr. Joy Brown you need to take 1 year of no relationships in order to heal from past relationships. I'm sure it's not so cut and dry. So as i sit here and ponder relationships...i wonder... How many were rebounds? how many were just relationships that didn't work and what do i need to do to stop/prevent the rebound cycle? opinons, suggestions, thoughts?
  16. How would you guys react to this? (BTW, Thanks to all of you for your support these past days, its meant the world to me) You are a female, who broke up with me 3 months ago primarily because we had been in a long distance relationship for three months before and it just got too hard. We had some problems in our relationship, but nothing that couldnt be fixed. For the three months that we had broken up, we talked every day on the phone and it was like nothing ever happened. There were a few conversations where you told me that I was your best friend but you no longer felt that lover connection. Two weeks ago you tell me that you are going to start dating someone else, an old friend/co-worker and you thought I should know. This got me very upset and I tell you that I have to get off the phone and hang up. Coincidentally, that week, I take a job position that will bring me back to the same city as you. One week later I call you back and we talk and I make it clear that I want you back and I am going to be moving back to your city. You say its too late, you dont want to go backwards with me. You have moved on and suggest I do the same. You ask me if it bothers me that you are dating someone else, I ask you if it is a rebound? You say it is not, you dont want to get into details but it is not a rebound. I tell you that I have to cut all contact with you to move on and get on with my life. You sound upset but you say that you understand. Almost two weeks go by and then you call me and leave a message about our mutual gym membership. I dont call you back, but you call again that night and I answer it. We have good conversation, catch up a bit, cry a bit, rehash some good times and some bad ones. I play the role of the optimist and you keep telling me ,"yeah but." You practically beg me to be your friend and tell me you really miss talking to me. I tell you I cant do it, I still have feelings for you and I am still attracted to you and it just isnt healthy for me. You ask me how long? I tell you that I just dont know. You ask me when I find someone else, then can we be friends, I again tell you I just dont know. You ask if you should refrain from calling me, and I tell you, yes please refrain. We both hang up very sadly. Ok, now to the present, that was two days ago. How do you react if I call you up and tell you this: "Look, I know you feel that things are meant to be or not to be, I just got a job back home, that seems like one check in the meant to be category. I am going to begin looking for a place to live, we were going to live together before I left and we went LDR. I want to try again. You know our problem was lack of time together and when we spent time with each other, things were great. I want to try it. I cant just be your friend, I love you and miss you and I want to share a life with you. I want to have an animal family with you . I want to protect you and comfort you and make you smile and make you crinkle your nose the way you do that drives me crazy. I want to build a life with you. I promise that I will not tell you this again, this is it for me. This will be the only letter from me. I want to put it all out there and tell you exacly how I feel. Love always, What do you guys think? What would you say, how would you feel if you got this letter? All comments are immensely appreciated.
  17. so me and my ex broke up around 4 months ago and it it wasnt a typical breakup. . .. she said she still wanted to marry me and that she knew we would end up together that she just need to fin out what she wants and if im the one. So she goes over to this guys house the next night with some friends . . . they have known each other maybe a month and were just acquaintances. they start hanging out and he puts a sexual move on her a week later and stuff happens.. . . .i try to get back together with her for about a month and she said shes not ready . . .so we talk for about 2 months and we both decide to not talk for a while . . .so we havent talked for almost 2 months . . .she has texted, emailed and left me voice mails about 5 or 6 times and i have not retuned any . . . she just says she wants to know how im doing and how my summers going and stuff. . . .so her and this guys have been dating for about 4 months now and she has told him b4 that she misses me and misses talking to me. . the bad part is that i know they guy she is dating and she knew i hated him b4 we broke up. . . we went to the same hs and we live in a small town so i have to hear about it all the time (which makes it worse). . .well i guess i need some advice about what the women think . . ...why does she keep trying to contact me . ..am i a bad person for not wanting to talk to her? . .. do u think its a rebound guy if she jumps back into something that fast.. . .she has admitted to me b4 that she hates to be alone and she did not deny that she only got with him because he was there.. .as you can probobly tell im not over her but i have decided not to go for a rebound and let my heart heal naturally because i heard it usually works out better if you do it the hard way. back when i was still talking to her she also always tried to avoid talking about it or showing any emotion. . . and she has called me crying saying she needs someone to talk to while she has been with him . .. i know they are still together so i will not talk to her why she is with him because of that fact that i have no respect for him . . . . making a move on a girl that is a week out of a 2 year relationship and a 3 year friendship is just sick to me . . . what does everything think? what do the women think is going on in her head and what do you think i should do? .. . she also sent me a text on our 2 year anniversary and it said "today was two years incase you forgot" . . what do you make of that?
  18. Hi Everyone.... So I need a little bit of advice. I used to post on this site when I was having issues with my ex. But those day "were" long gone until recently. I met the man of my dreams, or atleast I hoped he was the man of my dreams. We dated for about 6 months until he asked me to marry him. If I look back at the situation I tell myself that I was probably just feeling on the rebound from my ex. Well here is where I really need some advice. I feel like my fiance and I just dont get a long anymore. We are constantly fighting and its mainly because he is so anal about everything. It makes me feel like I cant do anything right for this man. He used to be so easy going and we used to not step on eachothers toes, but not I am so lazy and I dont want to take care of house chores at all because I feel like I cant do any of it the right way. Oh yeah to complicate things we bought a huge house and moved in together this January. So I need advice, we are on the outs right now about eachother I think it is coming to an end but I just dont know how to break it off and I dont know how to move out of this house. Please help.... I am welcome to any suggestions. Thanks
  19. It has been 4 months since a 19 month relationship ended with my ex (the last 10 months was LDR ~1200mi and the last 5 months of that 10 months was an 'open relationship' where we acted as bf/gf but were alowed to date/see others (I know, bad idea)). After breaking it off for good, she started seeing someone else immediately. That relationship lasted 3 months and ended 1 month ago. During the time she was with the other guy, we stayed in contact, mostly initiated by her. I professed my love in many ways during this time. When we talked I could sense there was still feelings there. About two weeks before she ended the relationship with the other guy (I did not know she was planning to do so) I decided to move back home, (for job reasons), but I will be honest and say that I thought that if I moved back home we would be able to rekindle our relationship. Two days before I left she called and asked if we could spend a day together when I came back. I thought she was going to say she was serious with the new guy and that the day would be a goodbye. When I returned she became more anxious about the meeting, and kept asking if I was seeing anyone else. When we met she was flirtatious and after a normal day together she told me she was going to break up with the other guy. She said she respected me a lot more for how I was when we were together, and that she thought about me a lot more than she admitted while she was with the other guy. She went through my wallet while I was with her (I allowed her to) and she found some scrap paper I had written thoughts about her on, and I snatched it away saying it was personal. She then went into tears saying "how can I trust you" so I showed it to her and then after asking her why it was such a big deal she said "because I will probably be with you". Foolishly, I let my hopes get up after that day and we hung out all that next week and I thought we were going to get back together. That was about the last I've seen of her. We have talked on the phone a few times since, me usually pushing as to why she said all that stuff but no actions to back it up initally. I invited her to my family vacation but she refused. I asked her about going with me on a road trip to California and she said she'd think about it. We have not even spoken by phone for three weeks, only exchanged emails about things that are basically favors me/my family is doing for her. Now, MY QUESTION: What do I do now? She wants to meet for lunch and talk but I am wary. This looks like a case where I was used as a rebound for her rebound. I feel I have gave almost all I can. I know the answer is NC. The thing is, I am considering another cross-country move and feel that if she let's me leave then I know its defenitely over. Stupidly, I gave her the security and assurance she needed that I would be around waiting for her after that meeting. What do you all think and advice as how to proceed? I am not interested in friends at this point, either working towards a relationship or 'goodbye' until I can read in the paper that she's getting married and not be bothered by it. Thank you all!
  20. Couple days ago I gave my ex a call and left a very brief message just saying hello and asking her to call me back(about 6 weeks post breakup). I was pleasantly surprised when she called me back about 20 minutes later and we spoke for a good 20 minutes. I am having trouble interpreting some of the things she said, and even the way she said them. Any input from you all would be wonderfull. I should add the fact that I believe(could be wrong) she recently had a fling lasting a couple weeks based on some things I have seen on facebook. It may not have even been much at all or her interest in this guy have been stronger than his in her. In any case I know that this fella has left town and will be in Europe for the next six months. After the breakup she saw me with a rebound girl who I had kinda dated before my ex and I got together and i know she was very upset about this. I feel like she may even be playing up what went on between her and this guy to get back at me for what she saw. i can't help scoping things out on facebook and i am pretty darn she does the same, but we never talk abotu what we see, and i acted oblivious to the possibility that she had a fling. When I called I asked how work was going and how her family was, that was straightforward. She was open with me and told me should would be going home next week, feeling glad to see her family because she has been hanging out with the same people she works with and that has gotten somewhat old (This potential fling is in that group). After 5 minutes or so I said "its good to hear you have been well, its been nice talking to you" in an effort to keep the convo short and sweet and to have me end it. She seemed to recognize this and interrupted me to ask how my new job has been, and did the same again later on in the convo with another question. I told her about that and she mentioned that she had run into a friend of mine (i did not know this) and he told her he and I were looking to get a place together. she asked where, and i am assuming she already knew that the new place would be in a city an hour away. i told her that it was there, but also that i was looking for places in the city i currently live in (a few blocks from my ex). i feel like she was digging for info to see where i would be moving to. does taht give anything away? Next she told me she had been with her close friend for a party for her friends last day of work, and that she had "thought of me" when she was there. basically i almost took a job in nyc doing similar work and she said she was glad that it didnt work out because she saw all those poeple were all about money and she knows thats not my character. then she added that she was sad for her friend because she heard rumblings at the party that the only reason her firend had gotten the job was because she was "beautiful". i agreed her friend was beautiful(was that wrong? i dint comment on my ex's looks) and that her friend should want to be in a place that shes appreciated for her merit....the rebound i had was gorgeous, and im wondering if my ex is perhaps saying this about her beautiful friend to make the point that she thinks she has more substance of personality than my rebound does. my ex is a very hard working and accomplsihed girl/ finally i said again it was nice talking to her and that it would be good to see her before she left for home, maybe grab some coffee or a bite to eat. she then told me a detailed story about a place she had recently been to. i suggested we take a ride down there and asked her when she was free, her reply is that she had to check her schedule. this sounds like a fishy answer, but she really does have a hectic job and i know she will have more to do if she is going away. i asked her to call me back and let me know and she agreed. i feel like her schedule response was a way to keep from answering the question right away because she wanted to give it some thought. so my questions are: if she wanted me out of the way and didnt have a sincere interest in how i have been, why would she call me back so soon and not wait a day or two to make a point? why would she try and keep the conversation going when i was winding it down on two occasions? why would she tell me that she ran into my friend and inquire where i would be living? why would she tell me she had thought of me (especially when this was during the time she potentially had a fling)? and finally, if she really didnt want to see me right now, wouldnt she have have straight up told me that? why would she tell me all about a restaurant she loves if she wanted to avoid seeing me? for now i am just sitting back and waiting to see what she will do...if i dont hear from her at all i feel thats immature, i will be perturbed but wont contact her and wont let her know i am until i hear from her. if she calls me and tells me she is too busy im not sure what to do. if she calls me back last minute before she leaves to meet up i feel like i will go ahead and do it. she goes to dinner with her friends every monday, the same group from work that this potential fling had been in, so i am concerned taht she might ask me to join them. what would that request say? most of all id like as much input about the hone conversation i had with her as possible, thanks!
  21. I have read all over this board about people who have been together for about as long as me and my ex, and many of them are still suffering after entire months, perhaps regressing after even up to a year. It has officially been a month since my breakup. There is still a LOT of aggression and anger there, but it seems the pain is getting more tolerable. Does anyone know of any studies done on mental blocks? After just one month of keeping up NC and forcing myself to accept I'm single, it seems that many of the memories that have been painful have become like a dream. Things that just happened ONE MONTH ago already seem like dreams, and many memories come and go in small chunks that I refuse to let myself think about. Even stuff from the beginning of the breakup is starting to get blurry, and I'm having trouble putting together an accurate timeline of the past three months. Things I've done in the past while I've actually struggled to remember if it was before or after the breakup. I hope this continues. It would be great if at least by Halloween I can develop a nearly complete mental block of the memories I have with her. Already I've even considered finding a new g/f, but the only thing holding me back is that I'm afraid of slipping into a rebound relationship and I don't want to risk hurting someone like that. My logic, however, is that a rebound relationship is meant to help get over the one that hurt you. I don't want to use someone like that; I just want to find someone who can care about me as much as I do them, and to have fun. The only difficulty is that I still have anger and depression bursts from the previous relationship, and I don't want to carry that into a fresh one.
  22. A few weeks after my breakup I hooked up with a girl (also a coworker). It ended up turning into a quasi-relationship where we'd spend a few nights each week hanging out, going places...the usual relationship stuff. It eventually became intimate. For her, it really grew and in retrospect, it was only for her because I was/am not ready to move on. So a word of caution to those rebounding: Take your time, find out who you are, and date yourself before anyone else. I now may have lost a good friend as well because she's hurt and feels as though I misled her. I was always upfront about my feelings but her's grew with time-mine didn't. Now I have to deal with more hurt.....
  23. So I posted yesterday about my rebound situation. Felt better about the whole thing this morning only to open up my email to find a looong letter from my ex. She said she had been wondering how I was doing, that this time of year reminded her of times spent with me, summary of what she's been doing, and ended saying she was thinking of me. I'm a bit floored, to say the least. Aside from a short bday email, I've maintained NC for 2 1/2 months. Thinking that she may just be having one of those days, I didn't respond. Wouldn't know what to say in the first place. So I come home from work and there's another email from her, this one a simple funny forward. What????? I have no idea what to think so I'm trying not to think at all. Part of me just wants to tell her to leave me alone, the other part is intrigued. What do you all think?
  24. I am very new to the rebound relationship. I've never had a rebound that I didn't marry the guy (my X hubby). So I don't know how to deal with flux of emotions and what I'm feeling or what I SHOULD be feeling/doing... I thought that it would be short lived and that eventually I'd be over it and move on. I seem to be wrong or something. The guy that essentially made me "wake up" and realize I needed to divorce has become incredibly important to me. I feel like he shouldn't be. He's not right for me. There was incredible chemistry and things were fun. Then, one day, he says things are too complicated and he's got excuses galore! I am having a terrible time letting go. It feels like he suddenly finds me repulsive... And he's as confusing as all heck! Last night as we're chatting in our usual "racy" fashion, and I asked if a BJ would be a good b-day present, to which he replies, "As long as it's not from you." OUCH!!! And seconds later I try to clarify saying, "So... you are no longer interested, is that right?" and he says, "Nope, you are not correct"... UGH! I am so confused. I thoght for sure that was it! That I was done. I can finally let go. And yet, I am still wishing to GOD that he would come after me... WHY can't I just let go? WHY is it soooooo important to me? Is this normal? Are rebounds usually THIS intense and confusing? Is anyone willing to share their experiences?
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