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About Me

  1. Hello, I have a crush on a coworker at the school I work at, which developed a few months ago. We both work together at the after school club and are a similar age (24). There's been some instances where I don't know if he likes me too or is just being friendly. He's French and moved here in October, and I've been helping him practice his English at work. Some kids at work said we're in love so planned our wedding and we got "married". I've often seen him looking at me and looks away when I catch him. He always makes jokes and laughs with me (again, probably just friendly but my crush brain wants to think otherwise haha). He told me that he always thinks about me when he sees / hears about a football player because we're from the same place. This is long but I'm just giving instances where I've wondered if he feels similarly.. He recently brought clothes shopping with him to work, and another colleague asked him why he had all of them and he said it was because he needed to impress me, then told me not to worry and that he was trying & getting there (said in French so might not translate the same). I know it was a joke but there was an annoying part of me that wondered if he meant it a little. He also repeats my name a lot to himself, e.g. after he's said hello to me he'll repeat it, or after someone else says my name he starts to repeat it to himself. An old friend of mine works at the school during the week and said she thinks he likes me. Not sure if that means anything but there we go 🙂 Sorry this is so long! But I'd appreciate any replies as I'm annoyed at myself for overthinking little things about our interactions haha.
  2. I don't understand. I am hurt, yes. Why do they do that? I don't understand men. I went and got involved emotionally. I have crushed on a man for awhile. It is a coworker. I know I sound like I'm 17. I'm not talking about overt flirting or anything. When we were in the office, I did catch a vibe, but I also got mixed signals...there seemed to be attraction, then not...I think all of us can relate to that. Things advanced. We started texting outside work. It turns out this "vibe" was accurate. I was pretty excited and happy about it. Yes, I know, work relationships are not the best idea. I have posted as much on many occasions on the board. I understand the risks. I think that given we are coworkers, I allowed myself to believe that this situation would not be a "player" situation and that crossing over that professional line meant this would be something that was more serious. It turned out to be about the same as many of my online dating experiences...lots of talk, not a lot of action. No meet, no text....I failed my own advice. I guess because I thought this situation was different. Why? Why do they do this? I am just so lost on this! Why do men pursue, make it seem like they want something serious, but they never have the time to actually meet? They talk a lot about meeting..."I can't wait until..." and the day never comes. Umm, a little hint, you actually have to meet in person if you want the kissing, touching, etc. He seemed interested in me genuinely. He seemed to want to pursue something serious, long-term. As we were texting, I couldn't nail him down on meeting. He accelerated to intimate discussion (nothing raunchy), and let's circle back to the above sentence -- we actually have to meet in person if we're going to kiss, touch, sex. The thing is, why pursue talking with me, pursue dating me, move into intimate discussions with me if you don't have the time and you are not available? WHY? Why?? What is going on? When I am interested in someone, I make the time. Maybe to a fault. I don't want to lose that momentum. These guys? They talk the talk and make it seem like they really like you, want to be with you, get to know you more...but they don't have the time. Too busy. Not available until "later", and when is "later?" "Later" never comes. Why do they do this? WHY?? Why do they actively pursue a relationship if they do not have time to actually pursue a relationship? Why aren't they more excited about getting together in person, like I am? So I'm hurt. I don't understand why this man actively pursued me, but he had no time. I don't understand why he moved into more intimate discussions when he didn't have the time to actually meet with me in person. I just don't get it. This post is a vent and not so much seeking advice, though I am happy hear your responses. I'm mostly kicking myself right now for not following my own advice and getting lost in the idea of a good relationship, thinking because we know each other in person, he wouldn't be a jerk. Maybe some men could chime in and tell me why you do this. Why do you pursue someone when you do not have the time?
  3. Some background : I moved to a new team within my firm itself 2 years back and she had recently joined the company. I was attracted to her the moment I laid my eyes on her (She's beautiful inside out). She complimented me on how quickly I understood things and got work done. We spoke about all topics under the sun and I sensed that she definitely found me interesting too. Our boss is a workaholic so he kept pushing us to get more work done from us than possible in a typical work day. I was the senior most person in the team after my boss. He often pressurized me to get work done from other teammates. (including her). After giving it a lot of thought, I decided that I have to chose between work and my attraction towards her. (I chose the former for obvious reasons). This meant that I had to cascade some of the pressure being put on me onto her. No one likes being pressurized to do more work than can be done in a day. This damaged any chance of us being friends or getting to know each other better. She knew that the pressure was coming from above but nevertheless, this damaged our work relationship to a great extent. We worked together for the first 5-6 months of joining the team and then moved onto different projects. Because of the initial hiccups, she chose to hang out with other coworkers. Being in the same team, we did speak and connect a lot in office and at office parties, lunches etc. This year, we were made to work together on another project by our boss. I decided that I am not going to make the same mistake and if my boss pressurizes me, I will tell him that it may not be feasible to do the work in the allotted time; however, this did not work out well for me and I had to give in to the pressure yet again. But this time around, I was kinder to her and made sure I don't be rude to her under pressure. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and was able to repair some of the damage that was done in the past. A couple of months back, it was only me and her in office and everyone else decided to work from home. This is the first time I got to hangout with her without anyone else from the team. That day, we went for lunch together. I apologized to her for pushing her through so much at work. It was a really heartfelt conversation that we had and at the end of the conversation, we decided that we both need to be a solid team, understand each other and bond in a way that our boss cannot pressurize the way he has been for the last few years. The present I have always been attracted to her but never told her because things would get awkward at work, specially if she did not reciprocate; however, there are moments during our work day when we are working on something together. There are times when we are sitting so close (mutually) that if we both move any closer, we might just end up kissing accidentally ;). During these times, I can't stop myself from turning my face, resting it on my palm and staring at her while she is explaining/talking to me. I am absolutely sure she has noticed me looking at her from so close but she has never moved away or stopped talking. With the slightest hint of discomfort, I would have stopped staring but I have not seen any discomfort from her whatsoever. She just quit the firm some days back and my boss told me about it immediately. I was really sad hearing this but at the same time, a bit relieved because it was very difficult to deal with this conflict of interest on a day to day basis. Being the senior member in the team, I was copied in her resignation email by my boss after she sent it out. I replied to her alone with just a few sad faces. She did not reply to that though. For the next few conversations, I did not bring up anything about her leaving because I know she is a very private kind of person and does not like discussing personal matters; however, one of the days, I decided to just ping her saying "I can't believe you are leaving. We started this team together :(". Ever since that day, we have had some really good, retrospective conversations over the phone and chat. (All friendly). I am thinking of speaking to her at the end of her last working day and telling her that I have always had a crush on her. But I am worried that if she took up a job next door (I haven't asked her where she is going to work next), things might get really awkward. I am also worried that she might tell some of the coworkers who are still with the firm and that could become even more embarrassing for me if she does not reciprocate the feelings. (I work in a big corporate with lots of policies so things like these don't happen much). We never really hung out outside of work or spoke outside of work so that is another factor stopping me from telling her that I have a crush on her. Of-course, another option is to just tell her that I would like to hangout sometime and maybe take it from there. Problem is, I am a shy guy so I may not be able to say any of the above! How do I go about this? :( PS : I am also putting together a small surprise video compilation for her where all the coworkers will say a few words about her. I'll also be adding photos from office events and parties to this video. Given the lockdown, we will not be able to have a farewell dinner for her so I thought of making it special for her by getting everyone to send short video clips to add to the farewell video. I mean, this is the best way I can let her know she is special ;) (Provided she knows it was my idea and not a collective idea)
  4. First, I'm new here. Thanks for letting that happen. Secondly, I'm a 53-year old male, separated/divorced over 4 years. Father of twin teens that are the air that I breathe. Marriage ended unexpectedly, still not sure I understand why she refused to even attempt to save it. But we remain as friends and coparent very well. I'm monogamous and have dated a few women but nothing beyond a few months. All my life I thought I knew what "love" was. And it's what I have always looked for. But between observations, discussions with others - friends, coworkers, etc. during my marriage, and especiallly since my marriage ended - today I had an epiphany. And I'd like your thoughts on it. I thought love was a feeling, an emotion, that started with attraction / chemistry and grew from there. I thought it was about two people admiring and caring for each other. One always wanting the best for the other and trying to provide it. Cheerleading and supporting each other, and providing (hopefully in the right way) constructive criticism. And I thought everything else in those two lives blossomed from that. But what I've seen and heard, and even what's been suggested (albeit indirectly)to me by several people is that RELATIONSHIPS between men and women are more transactional than emotional. Meaning: Women primarily want security and material desires met. No I don't mean carte blanche shopping every day. I mean "pay / help pay the bills, move me to where I've always dreamed of living, give me a comfortable life or better. In exchange for that I can tolerate sharing a bed and having sex with you". Men primarily want from women their meals cooked, house cleaned, sex, and if it happens, the woman to raise the kids. In exchange for that I can tolerate your bat- craziness (and other sexist things said about women). And perhaps those few extra pounds you will gain. This doesn't meet the "give and take" vision of relationships that I've had since I discovered girls. No, this sounds a lot like raw barter - for tat, quid pro quo, you scratch my back . . . . trade. Transactions. BUSINESS. The light finally got bright enough for me to take notice today, when a coworker said he'd offered is wife $100K just to leave and never return. Seems the bartering isn't working anymore so he offered a . . . . buy out. Another type of transaction. BUSINESS. I looked, and am again looking for my soulmate. My partner in LIFE, not in business. Someone who will do things for me because she loves me, not because it gives her the right to expect something in return. And I would do the same for her. I thought from THAT foundation, all the other stuff - dream houses, vacations, moving to that favorite place . . . one or both staring a company . . . .the building of a LIFE and realization of dreams - had a chance of happening. But increasingly people seem to believe that it's about finding someone you can tolerate enough to get from them the things you want or need for yourself. If that's really the way it is . . . color me single for the remainder of my days. I will not settle - and certainly not for THAT. Discuss.
  5. Hi, Female 25. I just started working a new job and training with my supervisor(he's 26). He helped me with everything and was pretty nice about everything. A week later, he started playing with my hair, putting hands around my waist to get around me, checking me out when I walk away, interlocked pinkies once and helped me out the minute I asked. We also used to text pretty much everyday, and they were pretty good conversations. So we went out for drinks one night after work. I blasted music in his car and he started tapping his fingers on my thigh to the beat of the music. When we got there, we had 1 drink at the table and talked, and then the second one, we went to sit at the pier and talked there. He payed for my drinks. Anyways we ended up talking on the pier till the restaurant closed and we got locked out. We eventually got out and he drove me home. After that, he went on vacation for 5 days, but did hug me and tell me to take care of the hotel before going on his trip. When he came back, I ended up working with him. My manager wanted to speak to him and they ended up talking in the back for like a good 30 minutes. When he came back, he became distant, rude, and mean. Then at the company holiday party, he was dancing near me the whole time, but I was just having fun and didn't even notice until later from a video that my coworker took. Also on New Years, he came into work as I was ending my shift and my friend was parked next to my car waiting for me to go out and celebrate the New Year with her, when she saw him park his car behind me and was looking at my car and inside my car. I still have no idea why. So he's just been really rude, mean and distant. Anytime I ask for help, he says "you should know this by now" and makes me feel incompetent and bad at my job. He helps all my coworkers easily, willing to help everyone. But when it comes to me, he's just a huge jerk at work. A couple of days ago, I got fed up and asked him to meet me after work. Pretty much the moment he came to meet me, told me he had a girlfriend and that she was expecting a call from him. I asked why he was being this way, he told me it was his way of ''teaching'' me to be good at my job. We hugged and I went home. The next day, he came in as I was leaving and didn't even acknowledge me at all. The day after, I had to ask for his help with something, and he again was reluctant to help and barely did help. So the point of this is, What happened from us being friendly and nice to each other to him turning into a complete ? Is there anyway I can make him stop being this way? Can we go back to being friendly? Please help!!! PLEASE BE NICE, IM ALREADY CONFUSSED
  6. my co worker and I spent the summer getting pretty close. Some of our coworkers think we’re dating, all of them think we like each other a lot - when he’s in the office he’s constantly at my desk, he even joined my sand volleyball team this summer. He’s always finding reasons to be at my desk or in the same places I am. Unfortunately, he put in his two weeks and is leaving our company. I don’t have the guts to ask him out (and that won’t change), but I have told him several times I don’t want him to leave and it’d be miserable if he left, he’s also told me he doesn’t want to leave bc he likes working here (but he has to). I’ve always gone by the rule of - if he wants to ask me out, he will. Am I wrong?
  7. My fiance and I were together for 14 years and broke up in January and I'm still not over it, so I'm moving 1000 miles away to Florida to "start a new life" and work and go to college and everything. In the back of my mind I feel like if I go so far away it will mean that there is no possibility of my ex ever coming back in the future, even though he's been dating his coworker since he left. He also told me not to go because I'd hate it and that's playing over and over in my mind. I'm having a really hard time with the anxiety of moving forward and starting over especially so far away. Any advice would be really helpful!
  8. The other day, out of the blue, my coworker/good friend who i have strong feelings for, got let go from our job at a luxury resort we work at up in the mountains just north of Phoenix. She lived there on property in housing and is not an Arizona local/native, so when she came to work here earlier this year, she came from Vegas, but shes very nomadic and has lived everywhere, she doesn't have an official home really. Colorado is a state that actually really has her heart. Anyways, after she messaged me that she was just fired while i was somewhere else on the property, and the message and my heart sunk. Not only was i devistated to see that message, i knew that her being fired meant she wasn't going to stick around in this state because Arizona isn't a really a state she loves despite having people in it that are important to her, me, my mother, some other coworkers, ect....though i truly became a main/close/best friend to her... I stopped what i was doing else where and immediately went to her housing to be there for her and see how she was doing since she was packing....she had tears in her eyes and was crying, and started venting to me....i told her how sorry i was and how messed up this was and how i didn't want her to leave....then it hit me....my feelings for her and how i've been so afraid to tell her all summer because i know shes been vocal to everyone about just wanting to remain single for now because of her last ex boyfriend, so i haven't known what to do with them....i stood there 20 minutes contemplating telling her, and i finally decided to tell her my feelings, i had to let her know before she left, and not via text message i told her i have something to tell, and i started crying myself...i told her that over these past few months i've had feelings for her and that its been so hard for me to tell you because of you wanting to remain single....she started tearing up and crying more, came over and hugged me and told me she was so sorry....i told her i just want her to be happy and that perhaps i just not to move on from it now....i told her i hope that it didn't make things weird for you and that i i didn't want me telling her to ruin our friendship potentially and she said "not at all, absolutely not"...and after that, i was just so relieved i finally told her and that she knew, despite everything else.... i helped her pack more and take her stuff to her car since no one else on property bothered to...we gave each other a hug at her car a few times, i told her i love her and she told me she loved me back, and she left...i was holding back tears the hold rest of the day at work she ended stay at mine and my mothers house for a few days after that before she headed back to vegas, which im extremely greatful i had a few more days with her...when she left my house the other day early morning, we hugged each other again at her car, and she told me not to worry, we'll see each other again very soon....she left, and i went back to bed and cried i miss her alot right now, we've talked a few times since she left a few days ago, both later that night and she messaged me yesterday morning wish me good luck for reopening day at work yesterday... my head has been all over the place not having her here...it wasn't a bad day yesterday at work in terms of the work day, it was just too weird and too sad not having her there on property, like i had a hole in my heart....the magic and love i had for this beautiful resort out in the mountains is just kind of fading now (and no, it's not just her that has made me love the place)
  9. I'm in love with my coworker. However, she has a boyfriend so I cant tell her. we've hung out alone together before and she definitely seems to enjoy being with me. and she talks to me about absolutely everything and we make good eye contact and I feel like have great chemistry, and she always looks directly at me when I'm driving. not only this, but shes in a terrible situation with her boyfriend. they live with his dad and just got an eviction notice and she says shes going to try to find an apartment with him, and I just dont see how it could possibly work...but I've been afraid to tell her how I feel both due to the bf, and because she isnt exactly in a great place right now.
  10. Long story short, I dated a coworker for around five months after she had called off a long-term relationship to be with me. We work close together at the office and had become friends who clearly had a crush on each other and then something more after the breakup, which was in part due to her feelings to myself. We had a whirlwind five months relationship where everything seemed so great and comfortable that against both of our better judgement, things went too fast and she nearly lived with me. Mind you, we never fought and when we discussed it she never said she needed space. We both fell in love quickly which is something I am not used to. Often I struggle when dating to find love and feel terrified to commit to a relationship. This time was a total 180 and I realized it when I noticed I enjoyed her company every day she was around, which admittedly was too much too fast. One day she got dinner and drinks at night on a weekend with another male coworker, alone. She had previously told me was just a friend and she is not sexually attracted to him, but it still rubbed me wrong to find out from her. I didn't want to have a fight or appear jealous but I did want to discuss it since I felt it would not be something tolerated well if the shoe was on the other foot and I went out for dinner and drinks with a female coworker alone on a weekend. Our discussion was tense but not hurtful and eventually I asked her if she loved me and wanted to be with me in a relationship; she responded by reassuring me that she loved me ... but felt immense guilt over the ending of her previous relationship and how fast she had moved on and wasn't in the right place to be in a relationship with someone. She had also lost many friends in the breakup who 'sided' with the guy and she expressed that when she's with me, she's in love - but when she's alone she feels she's lost a lot of herself and that her happiness is tied to me. We talked for a few hours; even joking and having a great time... but it was over nonetheless. I never got mad. I couldn't. I understood completely - I understand completely ... and since then I have been (for the first time in 34 years) incredibly crushed. That was a little over a month and a half ago and I have for the first time been dealing with the effects. I saw (see) her as literally the most beautiful person - both physically and emotionally - who I have dated and I am having a hard time getting over this. I removed all social media, don't text/call, etc. but what is killing me is that we work together and I see her in the office. A couple weeks ago she and I were leaving and I asked if she wanted to talk. We got into my car and we discussed the breakup; I understood again the reasoning and we both agreed it was weird to have a good thing end so abruptly rather than the usual slow breakdown that precedes a breakup. However, she needs her time and space. What didn't help was she had said that she is occasionally incredibly close to just calling me; suddenly I had hope again that soon we would be back together. A week later (last week) I saw she was going for long walks during break and texting/getting dinner with the other coworker (the friend) and I guess he keeps inviting her out to things with him. Even though they are just friends, the thought that she's doing the things I wanted to do with her with someone else is painful. I realized my hope was foolish, I'm torturing myself waiting, hoping she calls while she is healing and likely to move on soon. I talked to her that day privately and - while not a graceful as I wanted it to sound - I indicated that I need to stop seeing her every day and will be working out of a less-convenient office location (a bit more of a drive). Stupidly I also ended up rehashing a lot of our discussion the week prior and nearly came off as desperate. The discussion only lasted around thirty-minutes and before we parted ways we hugged and I told her I'm not normally like this with a breakup and she responded stating, "it's because you care" and I agreed. Anyways, that's where I'm at - and my heart is killing me because it feels like going "No Contact" is just the surefire way for me to snuff any embers left from our past and she'll move on; while I'll be stuck trying yet again to feel love in a string of bad or unexciting relationships as I have. I used to honestly think something was wrong with me; that I just couldn't feel "love" like everyone talked about and I've broken up with people because I knew it wasn't fair to be with them if I wasn't fully committed. Now I find someone I wanted to be fully committed to and even saw as my best friend.. and due to timing and pacing; I feel like I'm losing something I've waited and hoped for. Again, I understand her reasoning and I want nothing more than her to be happy and I know it means it is likely not with me because we messed up with the timing; but, I also am dealing with trying to accept that she is gone and moving on while I feel like I'm losing something I've waited for so long. I can't sit at the same office as her, I'll keep acting the fool if I have to see her each day but a seriously large part of me wants to try to rekindle by being there and that's the foolish part. That and the feeling I get when I see she's going out and it's not with me (let alone the feeling I have when I think of anyone else being with her romantically) is incredibly painful/irrational and also I worry will make me act/say something foolish to her. Anyways, any advise/insight would be appreciated ; again, despite many flings/relationships/etc. - I've never gone through this until now and Holy Hell, you all are not kidding about the pain, it's torture.
  11. Hi all, I started at my new company about 5 months ago. When I started my new job (which is completely different from any of the jobs I had before), there was another guy (same age as me) who was starting as well. The management assigned me the smallest portfolio and he was assigned quite a large one. The difference is I had a few weeks training whereas he had none because there's no one available to train him. He's just trying to figure this out himself or by asking questions to others. A few weeks ago, we got wind that there would be a new portfolio created as the company is setting up a new service. This new service would be the same as the services provided on the guy's portfolio, except for another type of clients thus requiring the set up of a new service line and portfolio. As I have a smaller portfolio than most, they assigned this new one to me as well. A few days ago, a girl who has a rather large portfolio asked me to be her back-up for when she's off. The management prompted her to designate me as her back-up although there is another person who worked on this portfolio as well who could have assisted. I understand that I have a smaller portfolio, so they are trying to fill in the gaps and utilize my capacity which is fine for me, obviously. However, this new guy that started at the same time I did keeps asking: 1. Why didn't they assign the new service portfolio to him as it is ultimately the same service as the one provided by his service line. 2. Why was I designated as the back-up for the other girl when there's someone else who could have assisted as she worked on that portfolio? To me, it's all about utilizing my capacity but he's questionning. Is he jealous or am I being a bit paranoid?
  12. Long story short I've been dating a guy in work for three months now. We both have strong feelings for each other but he said last week that he is too afraid of a relationship and getting hurt that he can't give me the committment I want (he told me these worries at the start) He is very conflicted over this as he wishes he wasn't afraid. We cried together for hours when having this whole conversation about committment. Another thing to note is that during the whole conversation we both said we still care for one another and things weren't left bitter or awkward between us. After the conversation we didn't explicitly say that we weren't seeing each other anymore. A few hours later I texted him saying we should get some breathing space and room to think and then talk in a few days. He agreed with this. Its coming up to 7 days later and he hasn't contacted me again (I refuse to text him first as he is the one with the issue). The problem I need most help with is that we have a meeting in work with 3 others on Monday and I really want to get out of it. The thought of it makes me so anxious and upset having to sit in a room with him while he hasn't even texted me since our conversation. But another part of me says I should walk into that room with confidence and be strong and show him what he's missing out on, a mature, strong and confident young woman. Should I go to the meeting or save myself the heartache?? Thanks so much
  13. There’s a guy I work with (we’ll call him Scott) who I’ve been interested in for a while, and I could tell he was also interested in me because I catch him looking at me a lot. We’ve never approached each other though because we’re both pretty shy. On Friday one of my coworkers invited me out for drinks after work with some of our other coworkers, including Scott. So of course I went. Everything started out fine.. we were all drinking and laughing and having a good time. When the person who was sitting next to me at our table went home, Scott came over and sat next to me and was holding my hand under the table. I was about 4 drinks in and should have stopped there, but I was still nervous so I kept drinking. After the others went home, Scott and I went back to my car, talked for a little while and started making out. I don’t remember much after that. The next morning I woke up in my bed and looked out the window at my driveway and saw my car wasn’t there. Apparently I took an Uber home. I checked my texts and saw that Scott had asked if I got home okay, and I had drunkenly replied that I did but still wanted to hang out with him more and asked if he wanted to go back out that same night, and if not we could go out some other time. He didn’t respond. I also saw that I had called him 4 times (ugh). Later in the day (Saturday) I texted him saying that I had a good time. He replied a couple minutes later saying “Yeah it was fun” but that was it and I haven’t heard from him since. Today is Sunday so it’s only been a couple days, but I’m worried that I was being an annoying clingy drunk and it turned him off. Is there any chance he might still be interested or did I blow it? What should I do? I’m dreading having to see him at work tomorrow. If he ignores me or avoids me I’ll be crushed.
  14. Guys how do you know when your husband talks too much about a coworker ? He's worked with her for 10 years and she is a real chatterbox by all accounts . I've met her a few times and she is really lovely, as is her husband. We are all a similar age. I've never really had concerns until recently as he brings her up 4/5 every day. We have both had babies in recent years and she is always talking about her babies, giving advice as hers as slightly older than ours . When husband talks about her in the evenings it's generally stories she tells him about her kids or advice she gives about them. Never really brings her up in any other context. He even admits himself that he's bringing her into conversation AGAIN before he mentions her. When he mentions her I just say to myself here we go again. I don't need to know what she does with her kids all the time. How would you feel about this ? Should I mention im uncomfortable with it? Could he be developing feelings ?
  15. I went out for drinks recently with a couple coworkers and encountered a weird situation with one of them. It was pretty late and we had all had a lot to drink at this point. I was sitting next to a guy I work with and was talking to him. I didn’t realize it but our legs were touching. Then I felt his hand on my knee and he was lightly rubbing my leg. I pulled my leg away and acted like nothing had happened and he didn’t touch me again. After I got home he messaged me and said he’s sorry if he made me uncomfortable. I think really highly of this guy and am attracted to him, but he has had a partner for about 3 years now so there’s no way I’d pursue anything with him. Is there any other way to interpret him putting his hand on my knee? I want to believe he is the kind of guy who wouldn’t make a move towards someone else while he’s in a relationship. I keep thinking about this moment and I feel so disappointed in him...what do you think he intended by it?
  16. Would you guys choose a job that is 15 min from where you live walking, but which is a new one, or another one where you feel more connected with people since you have been working there for one year and you have very good colleagues there, but which is 20 min by bus and which means that during the whole day you cannot get home during breaking hours? All the other conditions are the same. P.S consider that some relaxing at home is really important when working 8h + 2 breaking hours just like in both of these places.
  17. Before I begin, I know I'm a terrible person and I do not condone any of what I did. A few weeks back I was away on business, while away I met a new colleague, we connected really quickly and seemed to have a lot in common. The days were long so of an evening it was a relief to have a drink. Most of our other colleagues went off to bed early most nights, leaving him and I left until last orders at the bar. One night, he invited me back to his room to "raid the mini bar" as we hadn't finished drinking yet. I had assumed this was all innocent, we are complete opposites of eachother, he's long haired, tattoed, heavy metal lover, and I am a petite, blonde who loves star wars and crocheting. Anyway, after drinking another bottle of wine, he kissed me. I told him it was a terrible thing to do as we both were in relationships, I left the room and the next day we didn't discuss what happened. On our final night away, we resorted to the normal ritual of drinking the day away, this time more of our colleagues stayed out to drink. This is when I noticed him look across at me and gesture for me to come to bed. I stupidly did. I cant say I regret it, it was exciting and wild and we stayed up all night talking about everything, it sounds incredibly cliche but I have never connected with someone so quickly and had such intense feelings. He asked if we could put it all behind us and never discuss it with anyone. I agreed. After arriving home, I had been having doubts about my current relationship for months and this kind of iced the cake that I wasn't happy anymore. I ended things, I was honest about my reasons why and for what had happened while I was away. Back in work, things escalated. He told me how be felt so strongly towards me, how he couldn't go home and look at his partner. I discouraged his behaviour until he'd made some sort of decision about what he wanted. Flash forward, he confessed to his partner what happened and how he is in love with me, but he wants to stick at there relationship and try and make it work? Now, that's his choice and I am in no position to dispute it. The problem is that she's forced him to block me on all forms of social media, although we see eachother every day. He has kept me on Snapchat, in secret and has even admitted to unlocking me on social media to look at pictures of me. Work isn't awkward because i feel like I try to keep some sort of professionalism between us, but I am not convinced at his behaviour. The tension between us is so strong and I stay away from him as best as I can. I don't know what to do? I am not convinced he's made the best decision for himself and I don't want to be influencing him otherwise? I feel I've been used more than anything, although he disagrees when I try to address it? How does it sound to an outsider? I feel like I'm going crazy!
  18. basically i have a coworker who i have gotten close to and hang out with outside of work so i would consider her a friend. she knows that i was kind of interested in our other coworker. he's honestly kind of an f boy and will do subtle things like snapchat gym pics and rub my arm and shoulders. then also talk about how everyone wants to bang him. so this is honestly not so much about him, im so over wanting guys like him. its that she at first essentially said she doesnt want him so i can have him, which already rubbed me the wrong way bc our friendship was new and i was like woah what makes you think i would need you to bow out in order for me to be able to have him. hes not her type, and they barely talked so i brushed it off. but me and him became friends at the same time that her and i's friendship grew so naturally i brought them closer in friendship. before she honestly kind of avoided him and she told me it was on purpose since hes the type to think everyone wants him. i told her i knew she was probably doing that and i dont like giving him the satisfsction of flirting back either since its just a game to him. but when i said i feel like her avoiding him makes him more curious about her, her eyes kind of lit up. fast forward, we all went out to get a drink and he added us on insta. she then later initiated a group chat with him and i which i thought was kind of weird. like its always just work related jokes we send but if shes so uninterested in him why bother growing that relationship outside of work. then she was telling me she was joking with him about other coworkers. to me its annoying because i know how girls are and i feel like she's seeking him out just little bc of the fact that i liked him and him and i had a friendship first. im not trying to sound childish i just want to get this out bc i know im not making stuff up in my head and this is such a stupid problem that i wanna hear what other people think. idk if im painting the best picture just how shes doing it is in that super subtle competitive way that girls do. and im irritated that friends still are like this in their 20s.
  19. Hello everyone. First time posting here. Thanks for clicking and helping in any way you can. I'll go right into it. I need some advice. I'm currently working as a aviation industry and my girlfriend is having a hard time in accepting some of the norms in this career choice of mine. One of the biggest things we are fighting about right now is that she believes I should not be allowed to hang out with a group of people when there's a female involved. So basically I have to be with an all male group at all times. Before, she used to be okay with me hanging out with a group as long as there's a male included. Not just females. And now she changed and its basically a break up if I don't agree. I know being in a aviation industry already makes it complicated since I'm always on the go. Quick background, every time my crew and I finishes day of flying we usually end up in a "layover" in a hotel. It can range from somewhere between 11 hours to 30 hours. That could be a very long time if I chose to be alone or forced to be alone if agree to her demand. I usually just bring my laptop, watch Netflix, play video games. However I usually get invited out to have a drink or to have dinner in the lobby or nearby restaurants. And usually I'm the only male. Or there would be another male but he is either already making plans or made plans with the others. Am I supposed to be like "Hey man are you doing anything later tonight? Well I was wondering if you want to get drinks but don't tell the girls because I can only hang out with you". OR lets say a male coworker asks me to join him for dinner but didn't tell me he was bringing one of the girls. I show up and she's there, Am I supposed to leave and say "I'm sorry but I now have to skip dinner because now there's a female presence that I didn't know prior". She thinks that if I go out with a group, outside of work, I have more tendency to create a "connection". I tried telling her what is the difference when I can make a connection IF I REALLY WANTED TO, working together with my female coworkers on a 6-12 hour flight. If I really wanted to, I can make a connection anywhere and everywhere. She thinks its because at work we are required to be professional and that there is no way for me to make a connection, meanwhile I am thinking, that she developed feelings while at work and married her ex-husband from her prior job before. Please help. I just don't see the rationality into her demands. I could be working in this career for the rest of my life and I can't see myself saying no to every single invite to a group meal/drinks when there are females involved. If this is a problem, then I should also work at a almost ALL MALE industry. Thank you for your time.
  20. I need real life effective advice on how to get over a crush on my coworker... he is married and i know there is not future... but im so devastated and depressed... tell me anything to rid me of this
  21. So a few months ago we got a new hire at the store I work at. So far “Connie” has been doing a great job and I really enjoy working with her. (I’m also a girl btw). The times we work together we actually have a lot of fun. We joke, laugh and I get excited when I know we are scheduled together. We’re also the same age (early 20s) and share some common interests. I’m only there on the weekends though and I don’t get to see her as often so I would love to be friends outside of work with her but I’m not sure how. We talk about work a lot but I want to try to talk about other things but don’t want to come off as being too personal. Side note she just moved into town and she doesn’t know anyone outside the store so maybe that could be an angle I could use. Any tips? Thanks!
  22. This summer for the first time ever, I (20F) had someone who seemed genuinely interested in pursuing me. He (19M) was my coworker and this, combined with the fact that he was very flirty (gave me "player" vibes) made me hesitant to be involved with him in a romantic sense. After getting my number, he consistently texted me, complimenting my appearance, asking about my day/saying good morning, telling me about himself etc. Sometimes we would spent the whole day texting each other. As time went on, I began to grow fond of him (as a friend) and eventually began to really like him. It felt like he actually cared about me and saw me as special. I wasn't used to this at all and it felt really nice to have someone to talk to and laugh with, as I was pretty lonely. So I decided to give him a chance. Before doing so though, I let him know that I was going back to school after the summer was over (my school is about 45 minutes away but I don't come home much during the semester). I tried to use this as a last attempt to insist on being friends (I was a bit afraid of getting into something that would inevitably end), but he seemed okay with it, which made me think that he was still interested in continuing this after summer was over. [/indent] [/indent]Fast forward a week or two, he asked me to come over his house to hang out. I was extremely nervous, as we had never hung out outside of work yet and I didn't really want the first time hanging out to be at his house. I eventually agreed however and ended up having sex with him (lost my virginity). He had to go to a meeting afterwards so I left. I was a bit afraid after this because I thought that maybe this is all he had wanted, and that he wouldn't talk to me anymore. However, he texted me to check up on me and I felt reassured that he actually liked me. However, I did notice a change in behavior about a week or two after. All the affectionate texts and phone calls grew less and less and the mental/emotional interest turned mainly sexual. Now, I was definitely into him sexually as well, but I began to miss how it was when we first started talking. As the time came closer for me to leave, the texting and calling (affectionate or not) dropped dramatically. Now I did reach out and text and call him first a few times, but I still began to panic and feel very afraid that he was losing interest. We hooked up about 3 more times, and each time I felt so used afterwards, as he didn't seem attentive to my pleasure (think "pump and dump") and would be very distant after sex. I began to wonder what he was thinking about us and what it he considered our relationship to be, but I was too scared of rejection to ask and decided to say nothing. We barely communicated the week before I left and the last day I saw him at work, I left a goodbye letter in his bag. In the letter, I pretty much just said how great it was to have met him, how glad I was he was my first and how I would miss him. He responded the next day saying how sweet it was and that he hoped I "found my way" and that I was special. I was devastated, as his wording made me feel that we would never speak again. The next few days were incredibly hard, as I felt depressed and couldn't eat or get out of bed till late afternoon. 3 days later however, he called me to check up on me. This had not only surprised me, but made my sad feelings go away almost instantly. I began to have hope that maybe we would still talk. The phone call was very short, barely five minutes but it was enough to give me some hope. However, that hope was short-lived. Now I had just started school a few days ago and we haven't spoken since Monday. Based on watching his snapchat, it seems as if he has already began talking to someone else (it seemed like he was on a date). I feel like my chest is being ripped apart because I still think about him all the time and have feelings for him, but it seemed as if he moved on so fast and doesn't even care about me. I know we hadn't been talking for long (June to August) but I still feel so attached to him. I don't know how to go on. Any advice on how to cope is much appreciated. TL;DR Had a bit of a summer fling with a coworker. He was my first everything and I got attached. Had to go back to school and spoke to him a few days ago but it seems he has already found another girl based on his social media. Heartbroken and don't know how to cope, as I feel I can't focus on school.
  23. Hey guys need a bit of advice on how to move forward on a quite complex relationship break up. Pardon me for the wall of text. Last year I started seeing a 'coworker'. I quote that because we do not work directly together, but we see each other a lot at lunch times, staff meetings and social events related to common work friends. That's only when we are around since our jobs involve a lot of travelling, staying away from town for weeks. Things started well, we saw each other a lot, but at the same time we were both pretty relaxed about our relationship expectations. We had a deal where we would have a more classic 'girlfriend-boyfriend' relationship when we were both around, but we consented on seeing other people while away or having a 'special friend' coming over. When this happened (just a couple of times on each side) we just let each other know in a respectful way and went back to where we were. After about 5 months together she started to act colder. After a month being away, time in which I was the only one making an effort to keep contact through texting, she decided to break up. It's hard to know the real reasons since she was quite vague, but said she was just not in a right mind frame to continue a romantic relationship, and wished to keep a close friendship. At this point I was expecting something like this, so I tried to be as mature and understanding as possible, and agreed to let it go. As a condition, I only asked her to give me space (no contact for a while) and said maybe to a future friendship. After more than a month of not talking, we started doing friendly small talk around the office, which led 2-3 weeks after, to her asking me to get a drink together before she left town for a month. That went well, we had a 'safe' conversation and said bye to each other for a while. With my new friendly vision of her I went and dropped a text after a couple of weeks to see how she was going. Some days after she replied with a two-liner and after I tried to continue the conversation she never replied. For my surprise this made me feel really bad. I think I moved past the fact that we could not have a romantic relationship, but I still had an attraction for her, and feeling ignored brought back really intense feelings of rejection. At this point things got weird (at least from my perspective), we had really mild and awkward talks when we stumbled upon each other, since I was not sure if I had to treat her as every other coworker or as this closer friend. Until again, some weeks down the line she asked for another drink catch up. We did it and I felt like we were back again to the same point we were when we did our first catch up. However, next day things went back to being cold and weird, which was really disappointing. Recent trouble starts here. At a common friend's party, in which she did not approach me for hours, after I had one too many beers, I went to talk to her. Conversation turned into all the things we didn't tell each other after 4 months since the break up. She turned very defensive when I (probably mistakenly) asked her about what went wrong with our past relationship and told her I was not feeling too good about our current relationship. As she did not want to talk at that moment we left the discussion and I asked her through text to have a conversation. She spent 2 weeks to get back to me (which felt horrible) and 2 more to find time for a meetup. There I confronted her on how I was not doing alright with keeping no close contact except for these odd catch ups. She argued that she has this sort of relationship with many people, and rejected keeping more contact. I tried to be as sincere as possible and express how this new friendship didn't feel like one, since it seemed very one-sided. She has full power to decide when to see me and when to feel free to not even reply a text. Seeing that she was not offering any agreement, I told her I would prefer to leave things as colleagues, and leave social interaction in the office and the occasional socialising in a group environment. At this point she got visibly annoyed to the point she left angrily. This was 2 days ago. Yesterday we were both at a birthday party of a common colleague and out of pure confusion about how to react to her, things felt so awkward that in the split second we crossed eyes, we both looked away. We obviously didn't cross a word either. 'She didn't stick around for long, and after she left the party, I got a pretty nasty text from her blaming me about being a 'drama queen', 'making things awkward' and 'making it really clear how I did not want to be around her'. I was really confused about what did I do exactly, but still felt really bad, so I replied letting her know I was not aware of what exactly she was referring to, while apologising for making her feel bad. No reply from her. It's the day after and I really have no clue how to face this person next time we cross each other. Just writing it down now, everything feels like a bunch of really small stupid things blew up enormously. I think the same situation with someone I don't have to see often would have naturally fell into place by now, but the contact-no contact periods over such along stretch of time (5 months since the break up) are messing with my head. Any advice or opinion is welcome. She leaves for a couple of months in two weeks and I am confused on how to make things right. I really care about her, so I would still like to keep a quality friendship, but above all, if that's not possible, I want to find a way to not have bad blood between us and create drama around work. Eneko
  24. Hi there, thanks for reading. So this is something that has been weighing on my mind literally every day almost all day for months now, and I need advice from complete outsiders because it's not something I can talk to with many people other than my mom. I am recently married, last September, to a man that I *have* love for but am not *in* love with. We've gone thru some intense struggles and I think there is a codependency issue as we are not completely compatible, we have both acknowledged that, but we have such a history and are "comfortable" so we've stuck with each other. At the time getting married seemed right, especially after all the planning and money that went into it, and here we are 7 years deep with a giant question mark over our heads at times, and other times just going along and remaining sexually active, and romantic, etc. This is not the point of the post, but a background. We will be seeking therapy soon, but I'd rather comments on the forthcoming issue. There is a dude I work with that I do not know very well personally (...social media stalking has helped, ha), we are more acquaintances, have all the same work friends, etc., and I think I might be in love with him. I have literally never experienced the feeling that I feel when he is around me, not even close to it with my husband. I know this sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. He started working at our job last year and I was on long term leave, so I didn't get to know him, but I remember distinctly having a vivd elicit dream about him, not even really having met him, just knowing he was on my team at the company. The oddest thing, it was so satisfying and random, and it's been in my head ever since. Fast forward to now. It's been a handful of months that I've been back full time in the role, so we are around each other every day. There is a very distinct "vibe" I get whenever I am anywhere near him. One of those 'electric shock' things, like our souls match. He started making pointed eye contact with me a few months back and almost every single day, multiple times a day, we are catching each others' eyes and every time I get that jolt inside. It's so foreign to me because I have never felt that before. He isn't even someone I would typically see and think "oh heck yes, let me get with that." There's just something about him that is intoxicating to me, and I get the very distinct feeling he senses it too. He is a very social guy, but he very rarely talks to me. He will literally speak to everyone else in the room save for me, he avoids me but will showboat and banter with every single person around. But he is always somehow "around" me. Talking BS to my coworkers. I am decent at reading body language and if he is ever up talking to someone else his body is almost ALWAYS pointed straight at me even if the person he is talking to is next to him. He buffs up, and messes with his hair etc. I catch him looking all the time. When I pass him, the way he smiles at me takes my breath away, sounds cheesy, but it's like there's this roundness/softness or special kindness in his eyes that I haven't seen before and that I don't see him giving to anyone else. I have noticed he drops comments randomly around me when he is talking to other coworkers that are very sexual (when there was no need or call for it turning that way), he goes out of his way to be around the people who sit next to me and catch my eye. He has made comments relating to my interests that he wouldn't know about if he had not scoped my social media, and on multiple occasions he has sort of raised his voice mentioning them when in conversation with other people near me. I can't miss it. Towards the end of each day he gets up and walks the room almost aimlessly but it's clear he keeps trying to come my way but psychs himself out of saying a word. I try to avoid it sometimes but its like there is a freaking magnet between us. It's outrageously frustrating, because neither of us has the gall to really talk to the other. I might mention he has a girlfriend who works with us a floor up. She routinely comes down to speak to him and I notice his body language towards her is more like a "friend" but then again I'm not involved in the relationship so I can't say much. I just know my heart sinks when she is around, but I put it out of mind as I am also taken and I am not one to disrupt a relationship, his or mine, even though mine is super rocky. I don't know what to do or think. It feels like my gut or the universe or whatever keeps pulling me to him. It feels like in my subconscious there is a neon sign pointing at him saying "this one!" I keep saying in my head "just ignore it" but signs keep popping up, I see his make/model/car freaking EVERYWHERE and it reminds me of him. His name pops up literally everywhere, I'm not looking for it and it's in my freaking face so I can't ignore it. It just feels like one of those "meant to be" situations which is so foreign to me, because it's not something I have ever felt before. This random guy I work with, we are both taken, but there is something unmistakable about the connection between us. Lighting bolts, electric shock, whatever, that special feeling is what it is and I don't know what if anything I should do about it. I want to jump his bones and grab his shirt collar and kiss him almost every time I see him but I wouldn't ever do that out of respect for the fact we are both taken. We have similar interests from what I can tell and I guess maybe it's pheromones, or whatever, but it is so endlessly frustrating because I just want to be with him, the draw is literally erasing the things I tell myself to ignore in my brain, like an override. I feel happier than I think I ever have felt when he is around and we barely even talk HA. I've noticed a glow in myself when around him, and I see him smiling constantly when he is around me. What the heck do I do? Nothing and wait it out? Leave my current situation and hope for the best and that the universe works it out? I'm quiet on it for now, as I said I won't do anything to hurt or disrupt what is, but my heart strings pull me so freaking fervently to him it's hard to ignore. Has anyone else felt this? What did you do, if anything?? I don't want to destroy my marriage, although we are kind of already at a point of possible divorce, and I don't want to interrupt what's going on in his life by mentioning anything. Any advice appreciated. Thanks for getting this far.
  25. Do you think it is rude for a co-worker to ask to have some of your: snacks, candy, lunch, drink? Often times I have snacks, gum, food, and drinks at my desk. I also tend to eat lunch at my desk, and there is a little kitchenette near my office where I go to heat things up or prepare my food. It's really common for certain people to ask to have some of what I'm eating. "Oooh, can I have some of your orange?" "Can I have a piece of that?" "That looks good, did you make it? Can I have a taste?" Sometimes people will see a closed package of something on a shelf in my office or just sitting near me, and ask to have some. I always give it, because I can't think of a polite way to decline, but I personally think it's a bit rude. These people aren't my friends, we only ever talk about work or just the most generic of pleasantries like the weather and "do anything fun over the weekend?"-kinds of chit-chat. Once or twice, someone has come to ask me if I have any candy or something like that, and I have lied and said "no" because it was hidden in my desk and I didn't want to share it. And I felt super miserly about that but then also annoyed that I had to hide it and lie. I have shared in such an instance before, but it was with someone I liked a little more, and who was more social with me, not just when he wanted something. Most of the people I work with, they make more money than I do and they're superior in the hierarchy to my role. That shouldn't matter, I think it would still be rude even if it was the unpaid intern, but for some reason that does make it worse, because I think "Can't you buy your own snacks?" I made this thread because just now I had a pack of fig newtons on my desk with two cookies in it. I forgot lunch today and had these in my desk so it was just a snack. I'd taken a bite of one when someone I work for came to my desk to ask about a certain policy. Mid-answer, she interrupted me and muttered, "Can I have one of those?" It took my a second to realize what she was asking for. I took the uneaten cookie out and handed it to her, trying not to look shocked. What would you do, especially with repeat "beggars/moochers" (for lack of a better term)?
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