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  1. hi this isn’t exactly relationship advice but i don't know where else to post this and don’t know what else to do. so i work at a country club and a few weeks ago a new banquet captain was hired. and over the short amount of time he’s been here he’s put his hands on multiple of the women employees (some underage, including myself). usually he’ll touch or grab our waists or just our backs, he’s put his hands on my face before too. it makes us all feel really uncomfortable and multiple of us have told him to stop before, which he hasn’t. he also calls us all sweetheart, baby, cutie, etc. he’s also straight up told me i was cute before and told me i was being seductive to him when i told him to “come here” in the most normal way possible. i’m 16, he’s 30. this is just everything that has happened to me so far and i couldn’t even tell you all the things he’s said or done to the other girls in the workplace, some as young as 15. but, what my main concern and breaking point really is is that he said racist things to one of the black employees, calling him a “colored person”. i only found this out today but apparently this took place only a few days after this guy started. this is everything that has happened in a matter of about 3 weeks and i’ve gotten to the point where i don’t want to work with him anymore because he disgusts me in every way possible and makes me feel extremely uncomfortable to be around. i like my job and all of my other coworkers besides him so i don’t want to quit but i don’t know what to do. do i try reporting him to the general manager? what do i even say and how do i put it into words? i just want him out of this place because its making my job an uncomfortable environment, and not just for me. i don’t know if they would be hesitant to fire him since he is the banquet captain.
  2. I wrote to my old coworker crush who's resigning. I worked with him off and on since 2008 but haven't seen him in almost 2 years because his client base never recovered from the pandemic. In 2012 we had a mutual crush that I couldn't act on (wasn't single then). There were a ton of things that made his obvious but I want to keep this short. 2013 I transferred departments. Our goodbye convo was really sweet. I got layed off and came back right before covid. We had a nice long catch up convo and one awkward (almost crashed into him) run-in. Sadly our schedules never lined up again after covid hit. My crush still came back full force. I think he felt an attraction at least, because he seemed a little giddy towards me during our last interaction. I made my email extremely professional in case there's 0 interest but hoped my "keep in touch" would be enough of a hint if he is. It might have been TOO professional?: "Hi ______, I enjoyed working with you all these years so it's sad to see you go. I know I haven't worked with you much in recent years, but you were one of the first people I met at (company) when I started as a case worker years ago. Thanks for being a support during some of my more challenging cases way back in the day. I wish you the best and good luck. Feel free to keep in touch. (Auto email signature<-- with my cell # slipped into it. Not sure if he noticed that) He responded: "Garfish99, Greetings. It was so lovely to hear from you and thanks for the kind words. I remember meeting you and our early conversations as I was impressed with your intelligence and understanding of the work we do. I am working a lot for CBA along with XYX, LMN, RSHM, and RST so our paths may (hopefully) cross again. Best wishes, [Coworker] Does "we'll cross paths (hopefully)" mean he thinks he's closed a chapter on me or do you think my email was just too dry/professional for him to get my hint? The way he added (hopefully) made me think there's some lingering feelings. I'm just wondering if it would be a terrible idea to reply something like "I was wondering if you'd be up staying in touch? Here is my number. If that's not something you're comfortable doing, I would not be offended. (My draft is lame and obviously needs a lot of work) Thoughts?
  3. Sorry if this is long but there is a lot to digest here. Little back story I work at an IT company in a sales management position and the female in question is a customer service rep on my team. I am 33 and single. We have been working together for about 3 years and until about 6 months ago we had a normal work relationship. We were friendly with each other but I couldnt tell you one thing about her and I didnt have any sort of feelings. Back about 6 months ago we started to become very close with each other at work. It is to the point that despite the fact that we work on opposite ends of our office floor she is constantly coming over to my desk to talk to me whether it is personal related or business related. However the business related questions are so simple she could easily call me on my phone or email me but she ALWAYS does it in person. We have gotten to the point at work that everyone is convinced there is something going on between us when there really is not. We do flirt with each other all day but in a completely non sexual sort of way, making fun of each other, laughing together, and generally just spending a large portion of the work day hanging out. We also have a weekly "date night" where one of us will cook a homeade meal for the other and bring it in on a Friday and we will sit together and have a "date". I have now developed strong feelings for this woman and according to everyone else at work it is obvious she has feelings for me based off of her interactions with me and the way we interact with each other. Here is where the story takes a turn, this girl has a boyfriend that works in HR at the company, and he just started working here about a year ago. They have been dating for almost 3 years total. So I am in a tough position where I cannot really reveal to this girl how I truly feel, but it is more than obvious that we both have strong feelings for each other. I am not really sure what to do, I know revealing my feelings to her is probably off the table because of the boyfriend etc, but at the same time I have completely fallen for this girl. Anyone have any idea what to do next in this tricky position? We also never talk about her relationship and she used to up until recently, now whenever she talks or tells stories its like her boyfriend doesnt exist, its like she has flipped a switch with me where she will not talk about him or anything they do anymore. I have never seen this guy in person as he works at our corporate headquarter office, so I am not sure he even realizes what is going on.
  4. Hello, I have a crush on a coworker at the school I work at, which developed a few months ago. We both work together at the after school club and are a similar age (24). There's been some instances where I don't know if he likes me too or is just being friendly. He's French and moved here in October, and I've been helping him practice his English at work. Some kids at work said we're in love so planned our wedding and we got "married". I've often seen him looking at me and looks away when I catch him. He always makes jokes and laughs with me (again, probably just friendly but my crush brain wants to think otherwise haha). He told me that he always thinks about me when he sees / hears about a football player because we're from the same place. This is long but I'm just giving instances where I've wondered if he feels similarly.. He recently brought clothes shopping with him to work, and another colleague asked him why he had all of them and he said it was because he needed to impress me, then told me not to worry and that he was trying & getting there (said in French so might not translate the same). I know it was a joke but there was an annoying part of me that wondered if he meant it a little. He also repeats my name a lot to himself, e.g. after he's said hello to me he'll repeat it, or after someone else says my name he starts to repeat it to himself. An old friend of mine works at the school during the week and said she thinks he likes me. Not sure if that means anything but there we go 🙂 Sorry this is so long! But I'd appreciate any replies as I'm annoyed at myself for overthinking little things about our interactions haha.
  5. I don't understand. I am hurt, yes. Why do they do that? I don't understand men. I went and got involved emotionally. I have crushed on a man for awhile. It is a coworker. I know I sound like I'm 17. I'm not talking about overt flirting or anything. When we were in the office, I did catch a vibe, but I also got mixed signals...there seemed to be attraction, then not...I think all of us can relate to that. Things advanced. We started texting outside work. It turns out this "vibe" was accurate. I was pretty excited and happy about it. Yes, I know, work relationships are not the best idea. I have posted as much on many occasions on the board. I understand the risks. I think that given we are coworkers, I allowed myself to believe that this situation would not be a "player" situation and that crossing over that professional line meant this would be something that was more serious. It turned out to be about the same as many of my online dating experiences...lots of talk, not a lot of action. No meet, no text....I failed my own advice. I guess because I thought this situation was different. Why? Why do they do this? I am just so lost on this! Why do men pursue, make it seem like they want something serious, but they never have the time to actually meet? They talk a lot about meeting..."I can't wait until..." and the day never comes. Umm, a little hint, you actually have to meet in person if you want the kissing, touching, etc. He seemed interested in me genuinely. He seemed to want to pursue something serious, long-term. As we were texting, I couldn't nail him down on meeting. He accelerated to intimate discussion (nothing raunchy), and let's circle back to the above sentence -- we actually have to meet in person if we're going to kiss, touch, sex. The thing is, why pursue talking with me, pursue dating me, move into intimate discussions with me if you don't have the time and you are not available? WHY? Why?? What is going on? When I am interested in someone, I make the time. Maybe to a fault. I don't want to lose that momentum. These guys? They talk the talk and make it seem like they really like you, want to be with you, get to know you more...but they don't have the time. Too busy. Not available until "later", and when is "later?" "Later" never comes. Why do they do this? WHY?? Why do they actively pursue a relationship if they do not have time to actually pursue a relationship? Why aren't they more excited about getting together in person, like I am? So I'm hurt. I don't understand why this man actively pursued me, but he had no time. I don't understand why he moved into more intimate discussions when he didn't have the time to actually meet with me in person. I just don't get it. This post is a vent and not so much seeking advice, though I am happy hear your responses. I'm mostly kicking myself right now for not following my own advice and getting lost in the idea of a good relationship, thinking because we know each other in person, he wouldn't be a jerk. Maybe some men could chime in and tell me why you do this. Why do you pursue someone when you do not have the time?
  6. Some background : I moved to a new team within my firm itself 2 years back and she had recently joined the company. I was attracted to her the moment I laid my eyes on her (She's beautiful inside out). She complimented me on how quickly I understood things and got work done. We spoke about all topics under the sun and I sensed that she definitely found me interesting too. Our boss is a workaholic so he kept pushing us to get more work done from us than possible in a typical work day. I was the senior most person in the team after my boss. He often pressurized me to get work done from other teammates. (including her). After giving it a lot of thought, I decided that I have to chose between work and my attraction towards her. (I chose the former for obvious reasons). This meant that I had to cascade some of the pressure being put on me onto her. No one likes being pressurized to do more work than can be done in a day. This damaged any chance of us being friends or getting to know each other better. She knew that the pressure was coming from above but nevertheless, this damaged our work relationship to a great extent. We worked together for the first 5-6 months of joining the team and then moved onto different projects. Because of the initial hiccups, she chose to hang out with other coworkers. Being in the same team, we did speak and connect a lot in office and at office parties, lunches etc. This year, we were made to work together on another project by our boss. I decided that I am not going to make the same mistake and if my boss pressurizes me, I will tell him that it may not be feasible to do the work in the allotted time; however, this did not work out well for me and I had to give in to the pressure yet again. But this time around, I was kinder to her and made sure I don't be rude to her under pressure. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and was able to repair some of the damage that was done in the past. A couple of months back, it was only me and her in office and everyone else decided to work from home. This is the first time I got to hangout with her without anyone else from the team. That day, we went for lunch together. I apologized to her for pushing her through so much at work. It was a really heartfelt conversation that we had and at the end of the conversation, we decided that we both need to be a solid team, understand each other and bond in a way that our boss cannot pressurize the way he has been for the last few years. The present I have always been attracted to her but never told her because things would get awkward at work, specially if she did not reciprocate; however, there are moments during our work day when we are working on something together. There are times when we are sitting so close (mutually) that if we both move any closer, we might just end up kissing accidentally ;). During these times, I can't stop myself from turning my face, resting it on my palm and staring at her while she is explaining/talking to me. I am absolutely sure she has noticed me looking at her from so close but she has never moved away or stopped talking. With the slightest hint of discomfort, I would have stopped staring but I have not seen any discomfort from her whatsoever. She just quit the firm some days back and my boss told me about it immediately. I was really sad hearing this but at the same time, a bit relieved because it was very difficult to deal with this conflict of interest on a day to day basis. Being the senior member in the team, I was copied in her resignation email by my boss after she sent it out. I replied to her alone with just a few sad faces. She did not reply to that though. For the next few conversations, I did not bring up anything about her leaving because I know she is a very private kind of person and does not like discussing personal matters; however, one of the days, I decided to just ping her saying "I can't believe you are leaving. We started this team together :(". Ever since that day, we have had some really good, retrospective conversations over the phone and chat. (All friendly). I am thinking of speaking to her at the end of her last working day and telling her that I have always had a crush on her. But I am worried that if she took up a job next door (I haven't asked her where she is going to work next), things might get really awkward. I am also worried that she might tell some of the coworkers who are still with the firm and that could become even more embarrassing for me if she does not reciprocate the feelings. (I work in a big corporate with lots of policies so things like these don't happen much). We never really hung out outside of work or spoke outside of work so that is another factor stopping me from telling her that I have a crush on her. Of-course, another option is to just tell her that I would like to hangout sometime and maybe take it from there. Problem is, I am a shy guy so I may not be able to say any of the above! How do I go about this? :( PS : I am also putting together a small surprise video compilation for her where all the coworkers will say a few words about her. I'll also be adding photos from office events and parties to this video. Given the lockdown, we will not be able to have a farewell dinner for her so I thought of making it special for her by getting everyone to send short video clips to add to the farewell video. I mean, this is the best way I can let her know she is special ;) (Provided she knows it was my idea and not a collective idea)
  7. First, I'm new here. Thanks for letting that happen. Secondly, I'm a 53-year old male, separated/divorced over 4 years. Father of twin teens that are the air that I breathe. Marriage ended unexpectedly, still not sure I understand why she refused to even attempt to save it. But we remain as friends and coparent very well. I'm monogamous and have dated a few women but nothing beyond a few months. All my life I thought I knew what "love" was. And it's what I have always looked for. But between observations, discussions with others - friends, coworkers, etc. during my marriage, and especiallly since my marriage ended - today I had an epiphany. And I'd like your thoughts on it. I thought love was a feeling, an emotion, that started with attraction / chemistry and grew from there. I thought it was about two people admiring and caring for each other. One always wanting the best for the other and trying to provide it. Cheerleading and supporting each other, and providing (hopefully in the right way) constructive criticism. And I thought everything else in those two lives blossomed from that. But what I've seen and heard, and even what's been suggested (albeit indirectly)to me by several people is that RELATIONSHIPS between men and women are more transactional than emotional. Meaning: Women primarily want security and material desires met. No I don't mean carte blanche shopping every day. I mean "pay / help pay the bills, move me to where I've always dreamed of living, give me a comfortable life or better. In exchange for that I can tolerate sharing a bed and having sex with you". Men primarily want from women their meals cooked, house cleaned, sex, and if it happens, the woman to raise the kids. In exchange for that I can tolerate your bat- craziness (and other sexist things said about women). And perhaps those few extra pounds you will gain. This doesn't meet the "give and take" vision of relationships that I've had since I discovered girls. No, this sounds a lot like raw barter - for tat, quid pro quo, you scratch my back . . . . trade. Transactions. BUSINESS. The light finally got bright enough for me to take notice today, when a coworker said he'd offered is wife $100K just to leave and never return. Seems the bartering isn't working anymore so he offered a . . . . buy out. Another type of transaction. BUSINESS. I looked, and am again looking for my soulmate. My partner in LIFE, not in business. Someone who will do things for me because she loves me, not because it gives her the right to expect something in return. And I would do the same for her. I thought from THAT foundation, all the other stuff - dream houses, vacations, moving to that favorite place . . . one or both staring a company . . . .the building of a LIFE and realization of dreams - had a chance of happening. But increasingly people seem to believe that it's about finding someone you can tolerate enough to get from them the things you want or need for yourself. If that's really the way it is . . . color me single for the remainder of my days. I will not settle - and certainly not for THAT. Discuss.
  8. Hi, Female 25. I just started working a new job and training with my supervisor(he's 26). He helped me with everything and was pretty nice about everything. A week later, he started playing with my hair, putting hands around my waist to get around me, checking me out when I walk away, interlocked pinkies once and helped me out the minute I asked. We also used to text pretty much everyday, and they were pretty good conversations. So we went out for drinks one night after work. I blasted music in his car and he started tapping his fingers on my thigh to the beat of the music. When we got there, we had 1 drink at the table and talked, and then the second one, we went to sit at the pier and talked there. He payed for my drinks. Anyways we ended up talking on the pier till the restaurant closed and we got locked out. We eventually got out and he drove me home. After that, he went on vacation for 5 days, but did hug me and tell me to take care of the hotel before going on his trip. When he came back, I ended up working with him. My manager wanted to speak to him and they ended up talking in the back for like a good 30 minutes. When he came back, he became distant, rude, and mean. Then at the company holiday party, he was dancing near me the whole time, but I was just having fun and didn't even notice until later from a video that my coworker took. Also on New Years, he came into work as I was ending my shift and my friend was parked next to my car waiting for me to go out and celebrate the New Year with her, when she saw him park his car behind me and was looking at my car and inside my car. I still have no idea why. So he's just been really rude, mean and distant. Anytime I ask for help, he says "you should know this by now" and makes me feel incompetent and bad at my job. He helps all my coworkers easily, willing to help everyone. But when it comes to me, he's just a huge jerk at work. A couple of days ago, I got fed up and asked him to meet me after work. Pretty much the moment he came to meet me, told me he had a girlfriend and that she was expecting a call from him. I asked why he was being this way, he told me it was his way of ''teaching'' me to be good at my job. We hugged and I went home. The next day, he came in as I was leaving and didn't even acknowledge me at all. The day after, I had to ask for his help with something, and he again was reluctant to help and barely did help. So the point of this is, What happened from us being friendly and nice to each other to him turning into a complete ? Is there anyway I can make him stop being this way? Can we go back to being friendly? Please help!!! PLEASE BE NICE, IM ALREADY CONFUSSED
  9. my co worker and I spent the summer getting pretty close. Some of our coworkers think we’re dating, all of them think we like each other a lot - when he’s in the office he’s constantly at my desk, he even joined my sand volleyball team this summer. He’s always finding reasons to be at my desk or in the same places I am. Unfortunately, he put in his two weeks and is leaving our company. I don’t have the guts to ask him out (and that won’t change), but I have told him several times I don’t want him to leave and it’d be miserable if he left, he’s also told me he doesn’t want to leave bc he likes working here (but he has to). I’ve always gone by the rule of - if he wants to ask me out, he will. Am I wrong?
  10. My fiance and I were together for 14 years and broke up in January and I'm still not over it, so I'm moving 1000 miles away to Florida to "start a new life" and work and go to college and everything. In the back of my mind I feel like if I go so far away it will mean that there is no possibility of my ex ever coming back in the future, even though he's been dating his coworker since he left. He also told me not to go because I'd hate it and that's playing over and over in my mind. I'm having a really hard time with the anxiety of moving forward and starting over especially so far away. Any advice would be really helpful!
  11. The other day, out of the blue, my coworker/good friend who i have strong feelings for, got let go from our job at a luxury resort we work at up in the mountains just north of Phoenix. She lived there on property in housing and is not an Arizona local/native, so when she came to work here earlier this year, she came from Vegas, but shes very nomadic and has lived everywhere, she doesn't have an official home really. Colorado is a state that actually really has her heart. Anyways, after she messaged me that she was just fired while i was somewhere else on the property, and the message and my heart sunk. Not only was i devistated to see that message, i knew that her being fired meant she wasn't going to stick around in this state because Arizona isn't a really a state she loves despite having people in it that are important to her, me, my mother, some other coworkers, ect....though i truly became a main/close/best friend to her... I stopped what i was doing else where and immediately went to her housing to be there for her and see how she was doing since she was packing....she had tears in her eyes and was crying, and started venting to me....i told her how sorry i was and how messed up this was and how i didn't want her to leave....then it hit me....my feelings for her and how i've been so afraid to tell her all summer because i know shes been vocal to everyone about just wanting to remain single for now because of her last ex boyfriend, so i haven't known what to do with them....i stood there 20 minutes contemplating telling her, and i finally decided to tell her my feelings, i had to let her know before she left, and not via text message i told her i have something to tell, and i started crying myself...i told her that over these past few months i've had feelings for her and that its been so hard for me to tell you because of you wanting to remain single....she started tearing up and crying more, came over and hugged me and told me she was so sorry....i told her i just want her to be happy and that perhaps i just not to move on from it now....i told her i hope that it didn't make things weird for you and that i i didn't want me telling her to ruin our friendship potentially and she said "not at all, absolutely not"...and after that, i was just so relieved i finally told her and that she knew, despite everything else.... i helped her pack more and take her stuff to her car since no one else on property bothered to...we gave each other a hug at her car a few times, i told her i love her and she told me she loved me back, and she left...i was holding back tears the hold rest of the day at work she ended stay at mine and my mothers house for a few days after that before she headed back to vegas, which im extremely greatful i had a few more days with her...when she left my house the other day early morning, we hugged each other again at her car, and she told me not to worry, we'll see each other again very soon....she left, and i went back to bed and cried i miss her alot right now, we've talked a few times since she left a few days ago, both later that night and she messaged me yesterday morning wish me good luck for reopening day at work yesterday... my head has been all over the place not having her here...it wasn't a bad day yesterday at work in terms of the work day, it was just too weird and too sad not having her there on property, like i had a hole in my heart....the magic and love i had for this beautiful resort out in the mountains is just kind of fading now (and no, it's not just her that has made me love the place)
  12. I'm in love with my coworker. However, she has a boyfriend so I cant tell her. we've hung out alone together before and she definitely seems to enjoy being with me. and she talks to me about absolutely everything and we make good eye contact and I feel like have great chemistry, and she always looks directly at me when I'm driving. not only this, but shes in a terrible situation with her boyfriend. they live with his dad and just got an eviction notice and she says shes going to try to find an apartment with him, and I just dont see how it could possibly work...but I've been afraid to tell her how I feel both due to the bf, and because she isnt exactly in a great place right now.
  13. Long story short, I dated a coworker for around five months after she had called off a long-term relationship to be with me. We work close together at the office and had become friends who clearly had a crush on each other and then something more after the breakup, which was in part due to her feelings to myself. We had a whirlwind five months relationship where everything seemed so great and comfortable that against both of our better judgement, things went too fast and she nearly lived with me. Mind you, we never fought and when we discussed it she never said she needed space. We both fell in love quickly which is something I am not used to. Often I struggle when dating to find love and feel terrified to commit to a relationship. This time was a total 180 and I realized it when I noticed I enjoyed her company every day she was around, which admittedly was too much too fast. One day she got dinner and drinks at night on a weekend with another male coworker, alone. She had previously told me was just a friend and she is not sexually attracted to him, but it still rubbed me wrong to find out from her. I didn't want to have a fight or appear jealous but I did want to discuss it since I felt it would not be something tolerated well if the shoe was on the other foot and I went out for dinner and drinks with a female coworker alone on a weekend. Our discussion was tense but not hurtful and eventually I asked her if she loved me and wanted to be with me in a relationship; she responded by reassuring me that she loved me ... but felt immense guilt over the ending of her previous relationship and how fast she had moved on and wasn't in the right place to be in a relationship with someone. She had also lost many friends in the breakup who 'sided' with the guy and she expressed that when she's with me, she's in love - but when she's alone she feels she's lost a lot of herself and that her happiness is tied to me. We talked for a few hours; even joking and having a great time... but it was over nonetheless. I never got mad. I couldn't. I understood completely - I understand completely ... and since then I have been (for the first time in 34 years) incredibly crushed. That was a little over a month and a half ago and I have for the first time been dealing with the effects. I saw (see) her as literally the most beautiful person - both physically and emotionally - who I have dated and I am having a hard time getting over this. I removed all social media, don't text/call, etc. but what is killing me is that we work together and I see her in the office. A couple weeks ago she and I were leaving and I asked if she wanted to talk. We got into my car and we discussed the breakup; I understood again the reasoning and we both agreed it was weird to have a good thing end so abruptly rather than the usual slow breakdown that precedes a breakup. However, she needs her time and space. What didn't help was she had said that she is occasionally incredibly close to just calling me; suddenly I had hope again that soon we would be back together. A week later (last week) I saw she was going for long walks during break and texting/getting dinner with the other coworker (the friend) and I guess he keeps inviting her out to things with him. Even though they are just friends, the thought that she's doing the things I wanted to do with her with someone else is painful. I realized my hope was foolish, I'm torturing myself waiting, hoping she calls while she is healing and likely to move on soon. I talked to her that day privately and - while not a graceful as I wanted it to sound - I indicated that I need to stop seeing her every day and will be working out of a less-convenient office location (a bit more of a drive). Stupidly I also ended up rehashing a lot of our discussion the week prior and nearly came off as desperate. The discussion only lasted around thirty-minutes and before we parted ways we hugged and I told her I'm not normally like this with a breakup and she responded stating, "it's because you care" and I agreed. Anyways, that's where I'm at - and my heart is killing me because it feels like going "No Contact" is just the surefire way for me to snuff any embers left from our past and she'll move on; while I'll be stuck trying yet again to feel love in a string of bad or unexciting relationships as I have. I used to honestly think something was wrong with me; that I just couldn't feel "love" like everyone talked about and I've broken up with people because I knew it wasn't fair to be with them if I wasn't fully committed. Now I find someone I wanted to be fully committed to and even saw as my best friend.. and due to timing and pacing; I feel like I'm losing something I've waited and hoped for. Again, I understand her reasoning and I want nothing more than her to be happy and I know it means it is likely not with me because we messed up with the timing; but, I also am dealing with trying to accept that she is gone and moving on while I feel like I'm losing something I've waited for so long. I can't sit at the same office as her, I'll keep acting the fool if I have to see her each day but a seriously large part of me wants to try to rekindle by being there and that's the foolish part. That and the feeling I get when I see she's going out and it's not with me (let alone the feeling I have when I think of anyone else being with her romantically) is incredibly painful/irrational and also I worry will make me act/say something foolish to her. Anyways, any advise/insight would be appreciated ; again, despite many flings/relationships/etc. - I've never gone through this until now and Holy Hell, you all are not kidding about the pain, it's torture.
  14. Hi all, I started at my new company about 5 months ago. When I started my new job (which is completely different from any of the jobs I had before), there was another guy (same age as me) who was starting as well. The management assigned me the smallest portfolio and he was assigned quite a large one. The difference is I had a few weeks training whereas he had none because there's no one available to train him. He's just trying to figure this out himself or by asking questions to others. A few weeks ago, we got wind that there would be a new portfolio created as the company is setting up a new service. This new service would be the same as the services provided on the guy's portfolio, except for another type of clients thus requiring the set up of a new service line and portfolio. As I have a smaller portfolio than most, they assigned this new one to me as well. A few days ago, a girl who has a rather large portfolio asked me to be her back-up for when she's off. The management prompted her to designate me as her back-up although there is another person who worked on this portfolio as well who could have assisted. I understand that I have a smaller portfolio, so they are trying to fill in the gaps and utilize my capacity which is fine for me, obviously. However, this new guy that started at the same time I did keeps asking: 1. Why didn't they assign the new service portfolio to him as it is ultimately the same service as the one provided by his service line. 2. Why was I designated as the back-up for the other girl when there's someone else who could have assisted as she worked on that portfolio? To me, it's all about utilizing my capacity but he's questionning. Is he jealous or am I being a bit paranoid?
  15. Me nd my partner have been together for 4 years and live together - he work s and I am in my final semester of university.. My boyfriend and I have not been gettng along properly for about 10 months and he always seemed very distant and distressed.. I thought he may be with someone else but he always denied it.. Anyway 2 days a go I found a letter in word too a work colleague taht I awlways had suspicions of. It was stating his undying love for her - and stating about all teh things he loved about her and even ssaid he was in love with her. He even dedicateda song too her..I was fumng as you can imagine - trashed teh house and moved out - I saw him in his lunch break and he said he doesnt knwo whetehr he loves her and jsut stormed out in tears saying he couldnt deal with this. Anwyay I just left and I am at a friends house now.. He kept calling sayign we needed too talk and that he doesnt love his work colleague and needed too see me. I was very distant and didnt even want too talk to him. Until I heard he spoke too my dad and dad told me he is an idiot but he does love me and when he got home sitting in teh empty flat he realised he had really really really hurt me.. He wouldnt stop calling so he cam e round too my friends and thsi is what happened: J came round yesterday and told me that I dont have too believe him or not but he does NOT love this woman or is in love with her. He admits he had feelings for her...He said that he has been going though dperession and not really knowing what it was- crying in his work loo's and stuff. He said even though this does not excuse for what has happened this is what is goign on. He called his doctor yesterday and they admitted him too a therapist straight away - saying he is mentally unstable. he said that he needs too do this on his own - all his debts and finances and sort out his head. I said that I iwl never move back there and he agreed that he thinks we need our own space. He just kept apologising. As ffor the letter he stated that he knows the letter sounded in depth. He didnt send it too her and said that he just typed it out- he said that he feels he was using teh situation of her being a shoulder for him too cry on and he thought it was turniogn into something serious. But after he had read thorugh it again it seemed stupid and pathetic. He said that he has not been feelign right in his self for months maybe a year. He said that he is really sorry for teh pain he has put me through. That whatever happens he cares for me and if it wasnt for me he wouldnt be where he is right now..! HE CLAIMS THEY NEVER SLEPT TOGETHER!! The long and short of it is that he wants us too stay close and maybe when he is in therapy and getting better we can meet up on a date once in a while ans start over- but he said that it is my choice and I need too do what makes me happy..but living apart will be the best thing for us...(which i have always thought).. Right now I feel drained. I am not goign too call him as I need time too get a place of my own and get uni started up. I would prefer too wait until thsi is sorted b4 anything. The thing is I do love him 4 years is a very long time...i think i will find it very hard too trust him ever and he would have too do watever it takes for me too trust him again...i will make him pay... it has been a crazy few days... bUT i just wanted too hear some opinions. everyone is really great on here and this is the hardest thing in my life apart form my amputation and I just need sound opinions- and whether I am goign along teh right path - one day at a time...
  16. I'm new here (been reading for a long time, only just registered) I'm a female and I work in a nearly all male environment and get on well with everyone. I've got a couple of good friends there whom I speak to a lot because I sit next to them all day. About 2 months ago a new guy started and I helped train him. He seemed nice enough and we got on fine. I noticed over the last month he has become more friendly/bold with me i.e touching my shoulders as he walks past, poking me in my side and even making snide and childish comments about my male colleagues. He makes jokes about them as though they fancy me and saying that they want to kiss me and that they stare at me (now, I'm not even interested in any of them so why would he say this? I'm not a flirty type of person, I just act myself and am friendly with people). I noticed him the other day purposefully place himself between me and a workmate - almost like trying to split us up! He also asks a lot of questions about a particular workmate who I know well but nothing has ever gone on between us, we just get on as friends. The thing is that I've seen him playing around with another female when I'm nearby (I just pretend I don't notice and carry on doing my work as I don't have time for games). Anyway, we were talking on MSN (I've moved to another department so can't talk to him face-to-face that much) and after he tried to make out that one of my colleagues fancied me, he then admitted that he likes me and even said he loves me (I hope this was just a joke cos he hardly knows me!) I asked if he likes the other girl and he was like "What? Er NO!" so do you think his flirting with her was a way to try and get me to notice him? I do quite like him and he has a wicked sense of humour which I like but do you think he is likely to be a bit overly jealous if I were to go out with him? I'm quite independent and don't like clingyness from anyone and I was wondering if him being snide about my workmates is a red flag. Thanks for reading and I'd appreciate any advice.
  17. These are two things that I just found. I like them both, and I thought I would share them with you. Attitude The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude of life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church or a home. The remarkable thing is we have choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way, We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... -Charles Swindoll- Just For Today... Just for today--I will live through the next twelve hours and not try to tackle all of life's problems at once. Just for today--I will imporve my mind. I will learn something useful. I will read something that requires thought and concentration. Just for today--I will be agreeable. I will look my best, speak in a well-modulated voice, be courteous and considerate. Just for today--I will not find fault with my friend, relative, or colleague. I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself. Just for today--I will do a good turn and keep it a secret. Just for today--I will have a program. I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two enemies--hurry and indecision. Just for today--I will do two things I don't want to do, just because I need the discipline. Just for today--I will believe in myself. I will give my best to the world and feel confident that the world will give it's best to me. Hope you like them. under*
  18. Okay the guy I actually am attracted to tends to ignore me most of the time and flirts with other girls in front of me. He'll buy me a drink, listen in on my conversations, look me in the eyes, yet flirt obnoxiously other girls. Does he want me to go away? Is he pissed because other guys are giving me attention so he's flirting to get back at me. WHAT???? Okay here's a more detailed explaination. I went to the bar to see the band. He was working in the restaurant. His coworkers told him I was there and he came up to bar area. He then began flirting with a coworker, butt pats, various flirtatious type touching and ultimately he picked her up and like twirled her around! That is when I walked out and left. During the time his stuff was happening. A guy from the band came down during break and was talking with me, semi flirting (arm touching), etc. There was also an older guy who bought me and a friend a drink, kept complimenting me, asked me to dance, etc. Then he got really bold which creaped me out, but I had to sober up before I could leave. So that's why I wonder if he was just pissed and getting back at me, or if he really just wants me to go away.
  19. Quick question / discussion...is masturbation considered a sin or wrongdoing in the religion of Christianity?? Got inot a big debate over this question with a colleague...thanx
  20. a friend of mine started dating her colleague a month ago. they work closely together in the same dept. of a large architectural firm - pulling long work hours & weekends at times. she had left her boyfriend for this co-worker, & moved in w/ him. so far they've been keeping a low profile at work about their relationship, although some other colleagues already suspect. they met when he joined the company 3 months ago. do you guys think this is a good idea? i would certainly like to hear your comments.
  21. well.....my question actually says it all, but let me tell you my problem... I have a boyfriend. About a month ago, i found a new part time job. The job is nice and so are my coworkers........One of my coworker, he is a male about my age, is very friendly with me..... he knows i have a boyfriend.... ...but he thinks i am a great person and he wants to be my friend........a best friend......First i though he was flirting with me...but a few weeks ago he asked you want to be my friend"... and i said sure, why not......but now i don't feel comfortable about this friendship.....and is not about sexual heeling or anything else, we don't have anything between us....but i've never believed in a friendship between male and female......Now , my new friend always with me around lunch break, now he calls me on my cell phone and invites to a double date (i, my bf, him and his new girl that he just picked up). He doesn't have a girlfriend. ....He invites me to the movies, to his party even with my bf.....but i always say no, cause im not comfortable with that........i haven't told my boyfriend about my new friend, cause i think he won't like it.....well, i tried to imagine myself on his place and i don't like it either.......I just don't believe in frienship between male and female.......i always think that there is something more that he wants from me.....or when he calls me i try to hide it from my boyfriend.......once he even called me on sunday at 10 a.m. , when i was sleeping with my bf, and asked which color t-shirt whould he buy, because he is at the mall right now and can't decide...........i want to end this relationship...i dont' know if i am right or wrong but i'm not comfortable with that......How can i do that? and should i do that? Or do you believe in friendship between male and female??
  22. Ok, here is the deal. I found out my bf had asked a co-worker of mine who sits next to me everyday in the office, to kiss him repeatedly. He said it almost happened one time, but they never did. They talked through email when I couldn't see the screen of course, and even met on breaks and lunch times when bf was "here to see me" on my breaks that were right before hers. Finally my coworker is the one who came clean and told me about it. It has upset me a great deal as my bf said that he just was emailing her to be friends with her and that she was a nice person to have as a friend. He promised me he was not attracted to her. I told my coworker that I would confront my bf. I did. He came clean with everything, including things my coworker failed to tell me. He thought I was only mad at him, and I corrected him and told him no I was mad at both of them and had the right to be. He has apologized to me and so has the co-worker. He states he still wants to be with me and that he made the biggest mistake ever and wants me back. He said he almost lost the one thing and person in his life that has ever made sense to him. I told him he should never have forgotten that to the point of even attempting to get her to kiss him. How does one forgive someone when this has happened? They never kissed, never went OUT, but they met up several times and discussed the "if's" and "possibilities" of them, if I were not in the picture. How is this not supposed to hurt me? How am I supposed to forgive someone who I gave my entire heart to, when I know he had hurt me this bad already once before. How can I know and trust him when he says he will never EVER do it again, as he put it? Thanks. I really need help.
  23. I am going on 20 years old and have NEVER had a real relationship. I've posted before about my coworker that I fell in love with, but that it going nowhere and I am absolutely sick of holding on!! I met someone recently and got her phone number, but just can't seem to get conversation started and not a whole lot of chances to be alone with her. I bump into her quite frequently around where I met her. And I get the feeling that I shouldn't even try, b/c she doesn't even act like she wants to talk to me!! most of the people that are around me seem so happy and I just feel like I'm destined to be without a hand to hold, or kisses, or sweet phone calls or ANYTHING!! The girl that told me that she liked me dumped me right after I fell for her, then I saw a beautiful girl(WITHOUT A BOYFRIEND), got the courage to ask her to do something, and got the digits! Why isn't it going anywhere? I've been told by quite a few girls I work with that I'm gonna charm someone so bad, or that I'm a great catch, and that I'm gonna find someone that will care about me. It would just be nice if the girl that I just met would be like,"Why haven't you called me, lately?" or "When are we gonna do something?" b/c I have called her and tried to get her to go somewhere with me, but it never works out. I would be dumbfounded if coworker came back to me....and happy. If that ain't going to happen why won't the person I put effort into give me results? Why did I even bother?
  24. Okay here goes. I started working at my current office a year ago, There is a cute guy who works there. I am attracted to him. I have asked him to drinks which he refused and then to a another work function which he initally accepted then turned down - his only reason being he had to be "fair" whatever that means. We flirt and play mind games / tease each other constantly. He is sort of seeing someone and I know I sound like a moron but I still like the fool. He is always interested in the details of my life and seems to get jealous when I got out with other guys. If I joke around with other colleagues he is always suspiciously curious and practically told me he has not made friends with me on purpose. This hurts. how on earth do I deal with it and let him go? We get along SO well - I have never met anyone who is so much like me and makes me laugh so much - we eat lunch together every day and I live for the moments when we get to talk. I know he is attracted to me which makes the situation so much worse. He keeps telling me how he can't be friends with a work aquaintance. *sigh* I wanted to leave my job as it was hurting so much but I dont really want to be the one to run away.
  25. Is this normal. Last year I started a new job, the happiest person in the world. I got to know a fellow colleague, a female. I wasn't attracted to her at all, but as time went on, I found I could talk to her, I still wasn't attracted to her. After Xmas, she told me I was a really funny person, and she had been looking forward to seeing me. I still wasn't attracted to her! At the end of our works course (in January) she seemed to get upset and asked me for a hug as we wouldn't see each other for 10 weeks, I gave her a hug, and my phone no. I still wasn't attracted to her. After 10 weeks, we saw each other again, she said something along the lines of 'you are the nicest colleague I have met'. I still wasn't attracted to her! but I did like to talk to her. So here I am now, in July, I have met up with her on a course in June, we all went out together in June on a works do. I have now realised this woman is an absolute Gem. She has been split from her boyfriend since March, I have found the woman I was not attracted to at all, has become the biggest crush in my life EVER. I am constantly thinking about her daily, we were talking on the phone last week, and she said I sounded down, so I told her why, I was attracted to her. she sent me a message back saying we would always be friends etc, I have since met her and we have talked. The problem is I have a partner and 6 year old son. I feel I am going thru a mid life crisis, but I just cannot get this woman who meant NOTHING to me last year out of my head. It has got to the point where it is destroying my life, is this normal. I am convinced this woman feels the same but will not reveal it as I am attached. P.S., it would take a lot for me to walk out on my partner, as I love her. Is this normal. Advice please.
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