brickchamp

Thanks a lot sumguy. Yes, a lot can happen in a year, and he could have already formed a new, serious relationship in that amount of time. It's just that we had this quick, passionate thing and it ended so badly because of the 3rd person. And the one I'm in love with is about to move and go through some big life changes. I just didn't want to force myself on him too soon. And I wanted to give him time to decide if he missed me and wanted me back, despite the complications. Maybe a year is too long though. I just don't want to scare him off. I wanted to give him AMPLE time to figure out his feelings for me. And I honestly hoped maybe by then, I wouldn't be interested anymore! Because if I do get in touch with him, there's a BIG possibility I'm going to get hurt again. But I can't stop thinking about him. And because of how he was threatened, and feels he can't talk to me, it plays tricks with my mind! He may really NOT want to talk to me, but in the back of my mind I think....what if he DOES and he feels like he CAN'T because he promised not to. The way he was looking at me last weekend....was how he used to look at me. It got me wondering. THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!! Thanks again.....

I've posted on the breaking up board, but this is about the *possibility* of getting back together. The person I was involved with ended things very abruptly with me 2 months ago - in a text. He wouldn't talk to me in person. I'd been involved with a good friend of his...but that relationship was terrible. Anyway, the friend caught wind that I was seeing this guy....and he got nervous, even though he said it didn't bother him, because he loved me SO much. Well, a couple of days later - boom, he says it's over. The one I was involved with previously threatened him in a serious way. Told him he better not ever contact me again ever. Because of work, I had to see the guy I'm in love with several times after the break up. I did my best just to ignore him. By this past weekend, he was staring at me a lot like he was trying to catch my eye....but the other guy was around so he never talked to me. He just looked. He's about to move, so I don't know if I'll EVER see him again now. Which I know is actually a blessing. To get to the point, we live in a pretty small town. I'm also planning to move away at some point, from this town and everyone in it. I'm wondering. If I still have strong feelings for him in a year or so, is it okay to contact him and say look, I've moved, you've moved....we don't have to worry about what anyone thinks....and just say I'd like to hang out or something. We were friends before all this happened, and I honestly miss him. And I get the vibe he is starting to regret ending it, but felt like he could do nothing about it.

Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill.... "No one loves you more than me, and no one ever will..."

I know exactly where you are coming from. I was broken up with unexpectedly on June 9th. I have gone through EVERY one of the feelings and questions you are going through now, and I still am, but to a lesser extent. I don't know when your split occurred, but you just have to give yourself time...and try to hang in there with NC. I did strict NC for over a month, but then lost it last week and texted a couple of times, with no response, and I felt so stupid. It's going to suck for you for awhile....but I was crying everyday for weeks, and I'm finally feeling human again. I saw my ex after he didn't respond to me, and I paid him no mind at all, which seemed to vex him. GOOD! And I'm getting on with my life. Try to stay busy, or get involved with some new interests. It's hard to imagine now, but eventually it WILL start to hurt less. I'm doing so much better it's unreal...with the occasional setback. When you start having all these questions, like I have, you have to FORCE the thoughts out of your mind, as hard as it may be. Good luck.

yes, but it is extremely unfulfilling because it is only a fantasy. i'm getting over that phase now, thank God!

Well, yeah, at that point, he obviously got to me. I instantly regretted the text. I had taken some sleeping pills too, which seems to take away my inhibitions....so that was bad. It was like I had no control over what I was doing! But he made me so mad. By the time the shock, and the pills, wore off, the next day, I felt strangely calm. That was the first time ever I felt like he had gone out of his way to hurt me...and it made me see him for REAL...and I did not like what I saw. So he really is losing his power over me. I know that if he ever tried to get me back, he couldn't...I'm not just saying that, I feel that way inside. I would never trust him with my heart again - ever. And don't worry, after this, there will be NO more texting slip ups....pills or no pills. Thanks......

Thanks for having my back buddies! I'm back home...I survived. I'm feeling fairly good too. Need2be, you said I should have texted him and called him an a** haha maybe that would have been better than what I actually did. I DID text him right after all his hollering about his girls. I know, don't yell at me people!! I was just in a rage. It couldn't be helped! Anyway, I said something about him calling his old GF, and I said that WE used to be friends, and didn't he miss talking to me AT ALL? No response as usual. He promised his friend he would never contact me in any way again...but I think my text made him feel bad...maybe. The next two days, I did something I'd not been able to do before EVER. I COMPLETELY ignored him. He's used to me watching him, looking at him, etc. like I have for years. This weekend, wherever he was, I looked the opposite way. But, ahem, I DO have exceptional peripheral vision. ha By yesterday, he was staring at me for LONG periods of time, like he was waiting for me to look over, which I never did! But as soon as his friend was around, he'd leave. He seemed quite agitated! GOOD! I know, I shouldn't even care if he was looking, or how he felt, if anything, but I don't care nearly as much, so that's good! Things are looking up I'm skipping the work thing this weekend...but then I'll have to go again in a couple of weeks...And I don't have the fear of being miserable all weekend anymore. He's losing his power over me finally! And it feels great.

Hey guys....just wanted to give all of my awesome ENA friends an update on my second meeting with my ex after the break up at a weekend work function. He's still pretty much avoiding me....no talking, some sly glances...but here's the kicker...last night in the hallway of our hotel, he was texting a girl blatantly...right in front of me...like so I would see! Then he started yelling out to his buddies about how he was drunk the night before, and called a "ton" of people, including one of his ex girlfriends...keep in mind, I had been in a relationship with his friend before...and his friend caught wind of it and this guy dumped me like BOOM! in a text, and told his friend he wouldn't talk to me ever again. I thought if he was around me, he'd crack, but I think he's scared of his friend...who is also on this trip. Very screwed up indeed. But the way he was so callous, obviously communicating with his new GF, and "bragging" about all the girls he'd called...the nerve to do this is front of me...Poor girl he's with now! So I think at this point, there's no way he could get me back even he wanted to. He disgusts me. He's just so cruel and stupid. But I'm almost glad this happened. It was going to take something like this to make me get over him. I'm not totally there, I'll admit, but I'm a heck of a lot closer today!!! What a JERK! Anyway, thanks for listening, and for always helping me trhough my various crises.

I have to spend another weekend around my ex. Oh boy. And I feel even more stupid than usual since I texted him yesterday after a month of NO CONTACT, with no reply. Oh well, I just have to muster ANY shred of dignity I have left! Last weekend totally sucked, but I vow to have some fun this weekend, and not sit alone and miserable in my hotel room! The hardest part is seeing him smiling and enjoying himself, and wondering how HE can be so happy when I still feel so bad. I'm taking my computer, because I have the feeling I'm going to need to talk to someone. Thanks to everyone who has been so great....

I'm sorry you are going through this painful situation. I too have been tempted to write a letter, but only because I got dumped in a text, and was never given a chance to talk to him face to face. So the letter would have been to tell him the things he wouldn't let me say. I would also have trouble being just friends with my ex. I couldn't handle hearing about anyone new in his life, or how great his life was without me. I think maybe hold off on the letter. You did the right thing, to post it here. Whatever you might want to say to HER, come here and say to US....just to get it off your chest. She definitely seems to want her space, and you should give it to her. I know you can't force these things. Give her some time to miss you. If she wants to be with you, she'll let you know. Best of luck to you....

It's valid for you to contact him and just settle when and where you'll meet, because he said you would talk. If he hadn't, I'd say don't contact him. I broke no contact for the first time in over a month yesterday, and I'm STILL kicking myself. I feel so foolish, because he didn't respond at all. I'm sorry you had the awkward meeting with his brother. I know you are so sick over this. I know you want to be stronger, so do we all. I lost all strength yesterday, and I had been doing so well. Not one text to him since the day he ended it. But I heard his voice on my work phone, and I crumbled. It's natural when you feel like the person you love is slipping away, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

I understand the pain you are going through. I know you must be dreading the meeting with him, but at least he wants to talk things over. Whichever way it goes, the fact that you will get some sort of explanation and/or closure will help you in the long run. My ex wouldn't let me talk to him or anything. He just ended it in a text. You don't want to do that, trust me, because then you'll drive yourself crazy wondering about all the whys and what-ifs. Or at least I have. I know that this is all you can think of. I can barely make myself focus on work and friends and family. It's natural, and it does hurt terribly. Just do what you need to do....cry, rest, talk to friends, whatever....I'd say try to take your mind off it, but I know that's impossible. Just prepare for the worst at the meeting...maybe it won't be as bad as you're expecting...maybe it will. Just have friends ready to support you, and of course talk to your friends here. This forum has helped me so much. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for the much needed hugs Annie! I am having to get ready for another weekend of seeing him, but I think my perspective will have changed, so MAYBE it won't be as hard. Like you said, this is not the one I'm meant to be with, and I really do need to try to make myself believe it, and get back to living! Thanks. I'll let you know how the weekend goes!

Hey aymee lee...I do have some great friends here, and you are welcome to crash our "party" anytime! Thanks for the encouragement. What you said makes sense. I sent him a nice text. How can he see something wrong in that? If he does, then he's the one with the problem. And YES, you better believe if I ever feel the urge to text him again, the silent treatment I received today will make me stop and think!! Thanks...

haha I don't know, sometimes I feel I am obsessed....just because he dominates my thoughts most of the day. So there. And he has ego to spare...so I'm sure it does give him a boost, and I HATE to give him that satisfaction....But I laughed at your scenario that potrays HIM as the weirdo! LOL Heck yes. It was a nice text, and if he read more into it, hey maybe HE'S nuts! hahah Too funny! Thanks! And I'll be taking your advice in regard to this weekend! I'm sure he'll act like a weirdo..hahah, so like you said, SO WHAT? NOT MY PROBLEM! haha