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Crazyaboutdogs

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  1. Crazyaboutdogs
    He seems to have anger management issues so you are better off without him. Understanding someone does not make you weak. You can still walk away even though you understand why people behave the way they do. Understanding someone helps you identify personality types and can help you spot red flags the next time around. It is about learning from your mistakes and also developing more compassion for others. The best lessons are learned by thinking, not by shrugging things off and putting blinders on. There is not just one way of thinking about things.
  2. Crazyaboutdogs
    She sounds really messed up and evaluating your relationship based on your last one. She should love you for who you are, not for the house you can provide.
  3. Crazyaboutdogs
    Beec, I am absolutely 100% with you on this. I think understanding people (be it your partner, your friend, your family members) and what is going on with them, helps to put perspective on situations and actions. Thinking in shades of gray allows you to better evaluate situations rather than having a knee jerk reaction that will do more harm than good or "cut of your nose to spite your face". Many years ago, someone once told me "Sometimes people don't mean to hurt you, it is usually their problem not yours". Kimber, it sounds to me like he is having a rough time and can't cope right now. I am a firm believer in always taking the high road, so if someone contacts you, you respond out of politeness. It is rude to ignore people even if they have done that to you. IF he contacts you, I would say yes, respond.....it is the nature of your response which will give him the message of whether or not you want anything more to do with him...in other words, if you give a very brief and business-like reply versus a bit longer, more personal reply.
  4. Crazyaboutdogs
    She really sounds spoiled and mean. If her ex was so great, why isn't she still with him? You need to put your foot down with her and not take this kind of abuse.
  5. Crazyaboutdogs
    Okay, yes, some people do say things they don't mean but I get the feeling she really did mean that. Her words show that she is quite materialistic and bases relationships on expensive gifts. Unfortunately she is not alone....many women are like that...I know several in just one small circle of friends. You have a right to feel upset for what she said and for looking at her in a different light. You want someone to love you for who you are, not what kind of gifts you buy. I am sure that things will settle down now that she has apologized but watch what she does because apologies mean nothing if her true nature is materialistic.
  6. Crazyaboutdogs
    I am assuming you got this email. I don't really know what she is referring to since I don't know your story. Obviously she is very hurt over something you have or have not done. It sounds like you kept something from her and she is totally devastated. Have you talked to her about it? She clearly feels very betrayed. The email shows that her heart is really ripped into shreds. If she is right about what you have done and you feel very remorseful, the only thing you can do is leave her a message about your feelings and then back off. If you feel you have done nothing wrong, then contacting her at this point won't help and it is best to leave it alone.
  7. Crazyaboutdogs
    I would say given that he said have a great trip and be safe, then it would be okay to send him a short email when you get back stating how your trip went and hope he is well. This way, it leaves the door open a crack for him to make any move if he wants to try again.
  8. Crazyaboutdogs
    No matter how much you try to rationalize that you are being good to your girlfriend by staying with her, you actually are not because your heart is elsewhere. If you were truly in love with your current girlfriend, your heart would only be with her and you would be staying with her because of her and who she is, not because you invested so much time with her and that if you leave her and try things out with your ex, you may land up with neither of them. You seem to be only thinking about what is in your best interests. Sure, your new girlfriend will be upset if you break up with her, but in time she will get over it and find someone who loves her and only her. To many women, emotional cheating is much more devastating than physical cheating that comes without emotional attachment. It would be devastating for her to find out that while you are with her, you are still pining for your ex. You did not take enough time to heal before embarking on this new relationship and now you are finding that out. Lots of people do the same thing...feel the need to embark on a rebound relationship before getting over their ex. I strongly suggest you break things off with your current girlfriend and either get together with your ex or take some time to figure yourself out. You owe it to your current girlfriend to not string her along and to be with her only if you are with her 150%.
  9. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sinead, time frame does not really have any bearing on whether or not two people get back together. In fact, the longer the better because then the person has had a lot of time to sit and reflect about things and really miss the other person. When people get back together soon after breaking off, it is a knee jerk reaction as opposed to a well-thought out, "gee this person really is for me". True, he may never want to get back with you, but on the other hand, you just never know what can happen in the future, just because it hasn't happened yet.
  10. Crazyaboutdogs
    Don't take the NC thing as the gospel truth and the be all and end. NC is great in some situations but not in others. It really should be on a case by case basis. In your situation, since he emailed you, you should email back, especially since you recognize that it was your behaviour which pushed him away. A nice thank you email and even a sentence about how you are sorry for the way you have behaved, might go a long way.
  11. Crazyaboutdogs
    If you would ultimately like to get back together with him, then I think you should talk to him, tell him that you realize that you have not behaved well and that you are truly sorry. Tell him that you really care about him and that you would like to give the relationship another go but realize he needs space right now and that you will give him the space he needs. This way you have made it clear that you are sorry, you would like to try again, but the ball is in his court for when or if he wants to try again.
  12. Crazyaboutdogs
    How old are the two of you? Why would his mother's objection be relevant? Perhaps you need this separation for him to realize that he does care about you enough to marry you. Sometimes you don't know what you want until it is gone. You need to live your life. No, you shouldn't move with him even if he changes his mind and says yes, he will consider marrying you. You wouldn't want to uproot your life only to find out he has changed his mind again.
  13. Crazyaboutdogs
    Well, that depends on the couple involved. It could be a few months or a year or whatever. Getting back together in two weeks would not be sufficient because the point of having the separation is for both parties to really reflect on what went on. Getting together too soon would be simply fear of being alone and losing something comfortable. A longer separation gives a chance for the situation to calm down and cooler, more rational heads to prevail.
  14. Crazyaboutdogs
    Oh wow! Everyone needs to chill! I am with renaissancewoman on this. Cooking dinner does not equal relationship and date. There is nothing magical about cooking dinner. Maybe they are just good friends. I have cooked dinner for a male friend and he has cooked dinner for me, yet there is absolutely nothing going on between us. Strictly platonic, never has been, never will be interest. If a guy wants to cheat or have a date, he will do it anyway, dinner or no dinner. Perhaps the older you get, the more you realize that a lot of what people consider "romantic" or "date stuff" is simply very much a cliche and doesn't necessarily mean anything. I wonder if it is the dinner thing that is bothering you or the fact that he is friends with this woman period.
  15. Crazyaboutdogs
    One of the things I have noticed from reading these boards (and from seeing similar behaviour from people I know), is that when one person in a relationship finally acknowledges that they had not treated their ex very well and wants to get back together and prove they have changed, they so desperately want to prove it that they think it should be done according to their time frame. Yet, in the end, that is more of the same kind of behaviour that drove the other person away in the first place....the need to always control the pace and dynamics of the relationship. As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day. It took a long time for a relationship to crash so why should it take no time at all to re-build. The injured party needs to set the pace because re-gaining trust is a process and can't be done immediately because the other person says they have changed. I knew someone who routinely treated her boyfriend like crap. One day he blurted out that he didn't trust her anymore. She was shocked and upset. After some reflection she understood why and said that she would change her ways. For a few days she was no longer hostile to him and was as sweet as pie. However, she couldn't understand that since she had made those changes, why couldn't he bring himself to trust her again (even though it had only been a few days of good behaviour). Well, she got fed up and within a week she was up to her old tricks again. Change has to be permanent and you can only tell that over time.
  16. Crazyaboutdogs
    I would have to respectfully disagree. Lots of people, for whatever reason, break up. If there is indeed passionate love, they find their way back to each other. Many couples have broken up and do get back together and get married. I have known plenty of couples who have done that. Sometimes a little time away from each other helps people see just how much they want that person in their life.
  17. Crazyaboutdogs
    I once had a mole removed from my back. It wasn't painful and I think the scar mostly went away.
  18. Crazyaboutdogs
    What is done is done and you can't change that. You can only learn from it. Lots of people do things they are not proud of but then turn themselves around and never repeat the behaviour. You have to put the feelings of shame and guilt aside, forgive yourself and move forwards. Don't let this eat up your life. This incident doesn't take away from all the wonderful things that you are.
  19. Crazyaboutdogs
    Every situation is different and you can't base what works for some as what will work for everyone. People break NC for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes breaking NC is a good thing, sometimes not. Nobody should feel bad about breaking NC. NC is not for everyone. NC doesn't necessarily help people heal because lots of people on this board have been in NC for a long time and haven't yet moved on. Healing is really a state of mind and NC may or may not help the healing process. What NC does is help you distance yourself from the other person so you can think of things without all of the emotion involved. Breaking NC should come more from a sense of inner peace than from an act of desparation and longing.
  20. Crazyaboutdogs
    You know what you did was wrong, that is why you are ashamed. To even communicate with him would be wrong and would lead you deeper and deeper into feelings of shame. With or without a man in your life, everyone's constant companion is themselves. If they can't live with themselves, life will be unbearable. You have done this once and are ashamed. Learn from this and don't repeat the mistake because you will constantly be living your life feeling ashamed. He is married and clearly has no integrity because he cheated on his wife. Tender and loving is not the way to describe what you two had...the two of you did not make love, the two of you had sex, plain and simple. Sex based on lust (at least on his part) and nothing more. Yes, he is clever enough to make it appear tender and loving, but that is outside show, it doesn't mean he felt that inside. You don't know how many other woman he is been with while being married. He could be quite clever and showing a "tender and loving" side to rope a woman. Do not keep in touch with this man even if he finds a way to contact you. If he contacts you, he is simply doing it for his ego and not for anything else.
  21. Crazyaboutdogs
    I think you need to take your whole relationship into consideration when you make a decision. Cheating being a dealbreaker may be right for some people or some situations but not for others. If she is truly remorseful, then you have a chance to rebuild the relationship...but she has to be truly remorseful. Some ideas to get yourself back on track would be to go backwards a bit in the relationship, back to when you were first dating and perhaps didn't see her as much. If you decide to stay with her, she has to get the clear sense that although you are together, what she did could never happen again. Getting back together is not carte blanche for her to cheat again. As for your "friend" I think you would also need to back off from that for a while until you are on more sure footing with yourself and your emotions. You may even choose not to continue that "friendship".
  22. Crazyaboutdogs
    Maybe it is time you talk to him about moving to where he wants to live so that he can get a job that will make him happy. I wonder if the fact that he was unemployed and now in a job that he doesn't like is what is contributing to his behaviour. Perhaps he is resentful that you don't want to leave and he is stuck because his work life is going nowhere and he would have a better chance providing for his family if you all moved to the city. It sounds to me that he has made a big sacrifice for you so that you will be content in your hometown, but it has cost him his self-esteem and sense of being able to provide for his family in a proper way. I think you really need to discuss moving. Moving is not all bleak for you. It can be really exciting as long as you make a plan for yourself as well. Don't just move for him, move for yourself, make plans for yourself so that you will have a full life in the new city. Sure, leaving family and friends is not easy, but maybe that will allow you to grow and expand your horizons. I think you really need to see things from his point of view as well and realize that he is probably acting out because of frustration and unhappiness. While that doesn't excuse his behaviour, it may help you to figure out a solution. Hounding him to spend more time with you is not going to solve anything. You need to solve the root of the problem.
  23. Crazyaboutdogs
    The fact that these feelings have been with you for a long time, even before your engagement says a lot. It seems to me that you got engaged and are getting married because it is the thing to do, you get along well, so may as well do it. Lots of people enter into marriages for that reason and they don't turn out because while they were fond of their partner and got along well with them, there was just not that real spark, the "I just can't picture my life without them" spark. Sure, you can have a strong friendship, even be sexually compatable, but you really need the feeling that comes way down deep inside of your heart. I am not talking about the butterflies, I am talking about this really strong sense that this person is for you. The fact that you have a lot of doubts suggests that you are not quite feeling that with this person. You really need to trust your instincts on this, because if you have been feeling this for a long time, there is a good reason.
  24. Crazyaboutdogs
    Sounds exactly like the guy who recently broke my heart into a million pieces.
  25. Crazyaboutdogs
    All you have to do is look at the many many posts by men on this forum and you will realize that men don't necessarily move on quicker than women. Missing an ex and moving on from an ex depends on a person's personality rather than on their gender.
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