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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. After a second date with a girl we went back to my place. I was drunk and she agreed to kiss. It got pretty confusing not too long after, though, because as we were making out, she seemed to be enjoying it. So I (happily) continued, and she quietly said "no." I got really confused, but continued making out. We then paused but I talked her into making out again. She then kissed me and we started kissing again but also quietly said "no" every now and again, which continued to confuse me immensely. She then stopped again, mentioned she had a boyfriend and left my place. We went for a walk after but did not talk about the situation, and when talking along the way she seemed happy to be with me and there was no tension whatsoever, but when saying goodbye she offered me a handshake but I hugged her instead. In hindsight I should have apologized during our conversation but since there was no tension and she didn't seem upset with me or bring up the situation and my intentions, I thought everything was okay. I followed up the next morning by sending her a good morning text with a couple of love heart emoji's maybe as a way of letting her know I wasn't just looking for sex, she read it but didn't respond. I didn't get the chance to apologize and I didn't want to leave the situation up in the air, of course, so some days after, I sent her two messages days apart saying along the lines of "Are you okay?", she didn't respond. I'd never been in a situation like this before, and in the past when I'm with a girl, she either gave me clear signals to proceed or else clear signals to stop. I really wasn't sure how to handle it, and I think I made my first mistake there. I continued kissing her and talked her into kissing again after she stopped. I think that if I had a chance to do this again, I'd just stop and ask outright for clarity on the situation before I either proceeded or stopped, but I suppose hindsight is 20/20. Instead, I continued making out with her. Eventually I asked if she wanted to just make out (implying no sex) and she very emphatically said "NO!" After she didn't read or respond to my texts, I sent a text apologizing that I didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable but she never read it. I felt (and continue to feel) terrible about how badly I misread the situation. The conversation remained light the whole way before saying "good night." I started writing this post to ask the community if they feel there is any way to salvage the situation? I know I blew it since she ghosted me, but after a few months has past, maybe the unfavorable impression of how the night ended has subsided and she would be willing to hear or read my apology. Would it be better if I pick up the phone and call her to see whether she's interested in getting back to the way things were? In the meantime, I suppose I learned some lessons about making sure I'm reading the signals correctly, and asking for clarification when I get mixed messages. I suppose now the real reason I'm writing this up is just to get it off my chest, so that I can (hopefully) stop replaying my misstep in my head and just learn from my mistakes and move on. And if you're still reading at this point, I sincerely thank you for sticking with it! Now I just have to trust that things will work out however they're meant to, whether that means a reunion or that I'll never see this woman ever again.
  2. sensual, mystical girl your memory lingers in the embroidered fabric of dreams passionate images, warming words of love i awoke from death only to fall back asleep after a brief spell of ecstasy peculiar how a twist of fate brought us together: a simple exchange of words and advice, a short question leading to camaraderie among us a lost soul reaches out and opens trusting judgement and emotion like never before countless evenings exchanging thoughts and hope impatiently awaiting for replies i could not have imagined the hold of your incredible powers i was sure we would never part the vision of what could be, what should be growing and reaching towards the sun a second chance at what i had lost years prior a decade of struggle, words on paper, dreaming in black the realization of never again experiencing what i had wanted so badly caught again in between raindrops, footsteps merging at the fork in the road a delicate struggle to hold on forever tainted by truth once again, forever divided by miscalculation promises of obligations betrayed by smiling green eyes endless memories of bliss wiped away by the foolish movement of hands i dare to light the candle to forever carry in my heart the eternal thought of what could have been our dream together-love, free, proud and pure... i wish you would have meant it.
  3. Hey Everyone, I think this is my first post to this site, but for a while, I would come to this site and read all the different posts regarding break ups and second chances. Mine is a happy one because I did receive my second chance yesterday. I can only post my own experience, but I cannot guarantee the same will happen for you. I post this not because I wanted to, but because I thought it may help others see another perspective from someone who might be in the same position. I only wish you the best, and hopefully you'll find happiness again, with or without your SO. Background I had been with my girlfriend for close to 6 years. I'm 25 now, she's 23. We both loved each other. Of course you have the occasional fight here and there. I admit I had a lot of flaws in the relationship, the biggest getting mad sometimes over the littlest things. I never knew how much she was bothered by things because she kept it all inside. If I asked if things were ok, I was always lead on to believe everything was going great. She said this because she thought she could just brush it off, that it was just a little doubt. But bottle up little things more and more...and soon you have a big problem. But I was in the dark, and that is why my breakup was all the more a shocker, and most hurtful to me. Out of nowhere in July, she tells me she really needs time and space away from me...not a break...actual time and space for her to figure out things. Also heard the...it's not you it's me line. So we were breaking up. O man, that had to be the hardest thing to hear, and furthermore, the hardest thing I ever had to go through. Saying the hardest thing was an understatement. I mean, this is the person I really believed I could spend the rest of my life with. We sometimes talked about marriage...names for our kids. You know...all those things you do when you are in love. She was not only my gf, but my best friend. The one person who knew me the best, the person who has shared in my biggest accomplishments...was leaving me. She was my everything for the last 6 years, my true happiness. What was I to do? Actions Ok, name anything you could do to get someone back, I did it. I cried, begged, pleaded for just one more chance. Flowers, balloons, gifts...etc. Everything...I tried to do it. Tried to make her remember how happy she used to be with me, all our wonderful memories. Everything I did, why wasn't it working? You know, you can only cry so much, but after a while you come to realize nothing you're doing is going to change that person's mind. So this lasted for about a month. I finally came to realize something. Love. I know I loved her more than anything in this world. You have to really know what Love is to do what I did and be at peace with yourself. To Love someone does not mean you love them for what they can give you, but to love them unconditionally regardless what they can give to you. I knew in my heart I loved this girl so much that all I wanted was for her to be happy. I told her that as long as she was happy with her decision (1 month since we broke up), that I would take a step back and let her do her own thing. I made it perfectly clear that anytime she needed something from me, I would always be there for her. But instead of me crowding her space, I would finally limit my contact with her so she could really think what she wanted. That was definitely very hard to do, but you have to believe that you are doing one last thing for that person you love. You are giving her what she wants because you love her, and her happiness means everything to you. And if you're religious pray. I honestly and truthfully prayed every day...not only that we would end up together, but for her happiness even if it meant not being with me. Coping Ok, many people on here have a lot of good advice. But I'll tell you what worked for me. First, I limited contact with my ex. Many people say no contact works, but for some reason I chose limited contact. Limited contact for me meant occaisional chatting online, rarely talking on the phone, and not seeing each other in person. You just have to go with your gut instinct on what's best for your situation. Talk to your SO and see what's acceptable. For us, we were at least trying to be friends so some contact was ok. BUT, make it a point to talk nothing about the relationship. Keep things neutral all the way, and if you can't, it's time to end the conversation. Another big thing you need to do is occupy as much time of yours as you can. Do not think of just losing that person. (Yes, it is very very very difficult...but it's necessary to do in the healing process) What I did was start exercising a lot...just doing a lot of jogging. I got my body in shape...not that I was out of shape, but just losing the love handles from 6 years of not working out. It really helped me feel healthier, and it seems to relieve a lot of stress. By exercising, you do yourself a great service by getting healthier, looking better, and just occupying that precious time of yours. Also, hang out with true friends. True friends will talk to you and help you through your hard time, and give you encouragement and support. For me, I didn't have as much time to hang out with my friends because I would always spend most of my time with my gf. So it's nice to be with your friends and just hanging out. Another very important thing, you need to meet new people. Meet new people with the intention of just making a friend, unless you are really ready to start a new relationship. It's not fair for the new person if they really are into you, and you're not. If you really want your SO back...no rebounds! That is not a good idea. But make new friends like I did, and it really really helps get your mind thinking new things other than just your ex. My Second Chance Back to my story. So I started working on myself, realizing my problems in the relationship. At least now, I can honetly look at my faults in the realationship and learn from them. At the very least, I don't make these same mistakes going into a new relationship. I also started meeting new people and hanging out with them...and before you know it...life isn't so terrible anymore. You realize that you are a good person and it may well be possible to meet someone new you can connect with. So it has been 3 months now and I meet someone new I really enjoy spending time with. We're just friends and I don't do anything to jeopardize that, but it is nice having this new friend. So maybe 2 weeks later my ex finds out and seems to take notice I'm doing okay. She's happy for me. So say another 2 weeks go by...and then for the first time in a long time...I ask my ex if she wanted to go hang out. Wow, she wanted to! TOTALLY innocent...just to hang out as friends. We do...and then that night we start talking and we realize that we do still like each other. She says her wake up call was realizing she might have lost me...and she didn't want to. She says she is ready and is willing to give us another chance. I too. So a couple days later...and I'm getting the second chance I really thought I wouldn't get. (4 months have passed since breaking up) We plan on taking things slow...but it's a start and we're together again. A very nice start. =) !!! One thing that is very important if you plan on taking a second chance. I understand she left me. I also understand that she can do that again. But you have to make a decision if a second chance is worth getting burned again. You have to decide if you can forgive and forget...understanding you have to start with a clean slate. If you start with all your emotions lingering from the breakup, thinking of the breakup will consume you and make you paranoid, and I just don't think you are ready for that second chance. Make sure you are ready first...real ready to accept a second chance. That's what I had to really think about. I am at peace with myself to accept being hurt again...but at the same time I get back the possibility of feeling real happy again and to see if things work out...if she'll be my ONE. Again, this is a situation unique to me. I hope you have good fortunes with your SO to work things out. Goodluck to you and again, I hope you'll find happiness again...no wait...I know you'll find happiness again.
  4. Someone please read this be patient its loooong I met her in the 6th grade but starting in the 8th grade we started talking a lot more. My friends had told me that I shoul go out wit her, but I was not interested at all, mostly because of our friendshio and also becuase lots of people made fun of her because her breasts were not as big as the other girls. I guess I was an idiot back then, she was always hugging and holding me wherever we would go and I tried my best to keep our relationship one of freidns and nothing more. THis continued until 9th grade, there was this formal dance whre the girls invited the guys, she asked me but i said no because of family reasons. She did not look any further for another date. Well there was a blizzard and the dance got cancelled, it was the next week, i didnt really care because i was not going. The night before the dance i realized how much i would of wanted to go, but it was too late because she never got a dress, or payed for tickets and i never got a tuxedo. We talked for hours the night of the dance at home on AIM but i never mentioned how i felt. I still never have. Well the past summer (9th to 10th grade) we hung out a lot, i noticed i liked her a lot, but i was not so sure about her likeing me. Calling her up became very hard because i was scared of saying something sutpid to make her like me even less. Eventually i stopped calling altogether, probably because i started hanging out wit a different crowd, doing different things, but one night at a corner there were a lot of people, we were all talking and after 30 minutes or so, i saw her walking away and i thought to myslef why she would not say hi once during that past time. I hadnt seen her at all, i called her out and she immediately turned around and walked towards me where we talked a bit, wut surpirsed me most about that conversation is after that, she left her friends and started following me around with my friends. After about an hour that night, she said she had to go down the street to meet up with another friend but that she was scared of some guy saying something rude to her, and she asked me to join her, i said sure and i did. We ended up not finding her friend and just walking around talking about things laughing having a good time. She asked me to walk her home after that and I did, where she hugged me for the last time for a while.
  5. guys my ex girlfriend has started talkin 2 me on messanger. iv avoided all contact with her for 3 wks now and this is the first real opportunity shes had to talk to me for a while. word has gone round that im datin another girl so mayb shes interested in that. the thing is she never starts talkin to me? she broke up with me 3 months ago and came accross as really enjoyin her self. i still want a second chance with her so how shud i act to her?
  6. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me because he caught me talking to a male friend of mine over the phone at his house because I lived with him. The coversation that I was having was not just any regular conversation it was a sexual conversation I was talking like this because my friend is really conceited and he thinks he can get any girl he wants so I wanted to see how far he would play his games on me. My ex-boyfriend heard everything that me and my friend were saying, it sounded like I already had done stuff with the guy but I was just totally playing around. He doesn't believe me he thinks I cheated on him. Since we also started off at a bad start because I cheated on my past boyfriend for 6 years with this guy that I was with for 3 years so he thinks Im doing what we did before. But I did not cheat on him I may have dis-respected for talking like that but I never cheated on him, he doesn't believe me, I tried asking for a second chance he said no "never", he said that he can never trust me again and that even if we try things just wont work out because trust is gone. He even told me that he didn't love me anymore and I don't understand how someone can just stop loving you after 3 years of living together. Im really depressed I realized what I lost I don't know what to do I tried all I can to ask for a chance and it's a "no" I love him, it's been a month and it seems like he's getting on with his life fine without me from what Im hearing and it hurts, because I can't seem to move on just like that. PLEASE HELP I need some advice. Im on the lowest point of my life I can't do anything Im so depressed. What should I do?
  7. Hello. I had been dating my past boyfriend for a year. When we first got together, it had been brought to my attention that I looked like and shared many things in common with his ex-girlfriend of 5 years. They were a long distance relationship of 4 years and lived together for 1 due to college. She is currently married and pregnant. Our relationship was also a distance one for a year due to my last year in graduate school. In the beginning of our dating, he would often compare me to her-but would tell me that he knew there was a difference. I let this go for a while since I knew how important she was to his life, they have remained best friends. Three weeks ago he broke up with me because he said that there was "something missing" from the relationship and had been all along. He had been waiting for this thing to appear and it hadn't. I also got the infamous, "it's not you, it's me speech". He said that he wanted so badly for this to all work out. After weeks of discussion, he finally told me that what perhaps may have been the missing piece is that he expected me to be the ex or was looking for the same things in me because I reminded him of the ex... and that is why something was missing. Now I truly believe that he is holding himself back from our potential as a couple. The disturbing part to me is that he went on to say that we deserve a second chance, but not now-he doesn't have the effort. Translated means: I don't have the effort to be with you and I want to see other people because I am not sure if you are the one so we may never get this deserved second chance. Now, I have been beyond patient and understanding for the last year and did most of the work in the relationship (visits, etc). He wants friendship and I would like to continue to be his friend since we were friends for 2 years previous to dating. How do I get over the unfairness of what happened, the whole you reminded me of her aspect of this break up. I am having a hard time moving on from him because I feel so short changed and deserving of a second chance after giving so much. There is still lots of attraction and chemistry between us. I am just so confused and he is no help what so ever. What should I do to move on from this? There is so much more involved-but this is the major pieces. Thank you.
  8. I'm seeking advice but first some quick background. I'm in mid thirties and the one girl I should have never left tracked me down. Turns out we have both thought about one another a lot over the past seventeen years. Fate and destiny have given us a rare second chance and we are taking it…"she my density". She has aged very well and looks great although I don't recall the facial hair from our days of youth. How do I ask her to go about waxing or electrolysis to remove it? I love the women and want to avoid offending her. For what ever it's worth I have my backed waxed because women don't like back hair.
  9. Hi all, Is is possible to reconcile with your ex after years of being apart? Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. It has been three years since my ex and I have been separated and yet I still want him back in my life. The first year after the break up I was almost numb and enjoying a new found single life. But after that I have felt like something is missing in my life. I don't know I have also heard that it is perfectly normal to still have feelings for your first love. But for me I feel like I have lost my soul mate. I have dated other people after our break up, but it just isn't the same, I always feels as though something is missing, and then remember the past memories. Thank you for listening.
  10. well, it's official. after a 3 year relationship in which she always talked about "us' being together forever and 4 months after the breakup, it is over. the first 3 months of the breakup we saw each other as friends, this obviously didn't work because it hurt me so much emotionally. for the last month i initiated the no contact rule. she told me that there is a future for us but she just isn't ready for a relationship. we broke up because of the fact that we are both shy people and it is hard for us to talk with each other sometimes, and i also was a jealous person in the relationship.there were other reasons for the breakup too. both of us were the cause of it. after the break up i told her i'd work on those things but she won't give me a second chance, so i determined i must move on. if she really cared she'd give me a second chance. i told her i don't know what else to do for her (i did anything and everything for her) and she said she still wants to be friends. i told her "i don't know about that" because of the emotions i've been going through. i told her maybe i need to stop catering to her every need. because obviously i got hurt in the end. what hurts the most is i thought she was "the one" and now it will be that much harder to trust anyone. it just sucks because i loved her so much and now i'm lonely again.
  11. my boyfriend and i have been together for about 2 years. i care about him alot and i thought he cared about me to but i found out he kissed one of my friends i love him so much my mind says loose him but my heart says give him a second chance. he told me that it was a bad mistake and he was so sorry but i still dont' know what to do.. what do i do??
  12. hi, My name is Brook I'am 23 years old. About a year ago I started seeing a great guy. We dated for about 3 months and than he got scared. Telling me he didnt think he was "ready" for a relationship. He had his heart broken a couple years ago..........very badly. He has not had a serious relationship since. He has only gone on a handful of dates. Hes 26. Anyway I was falling for him. He broke my heart. We remained friendly and ended up being intimate a couple times a month "no strings". I wanted the "strings" hoping he would change his mind. I continued being intimate with him for at least 5 more months. Nothing changed. That ended about 3 months ago. Now I know for a fact he has not dated anyone since me. I have. I had been dating someone for about 2 months and it didnt work. This person knew my ex they were aquaitances. It had gotten back to me how much it bothered him to see me with another guy. We all live pretty close and go to pretty much the same bars and clubs. So running into him once a week was not a surprise. This last guy I was seeing just was not working. I have stopped seeing him a few weeks ago. I thought I was over my ex but I just saw him over the weekend. I went out with some girlfriends and went into the nightclub. I saw him right away and played it cool. I went over to the bar to get a drink and he came right over and said hello. Now he must have known I broke it off with the other guy because he hadnt come up to me the past couple times I saw him. He told me he always thought I was a great person and how pretty I was. All the feelings I had thought were gone came right back in that instant. I felt butterflies, my heart was racing. It was like it never ended. I asked him if I could kiss him and he said "if you want to" I did I kissed him for about a minute and than pulled away. He than told me his friends and him were not staying they were going to another club. I asked him if later we hang out. He told me to call him. So at about 130 am I called I got his voicemail. Not knowing if he wasnt answering on purpose or just not around I left a message saying that the kiss was a mistake and I was sorry. I lied I'm not sorry. I just wanted to say something because I felt stupid that he didnt answer his cell. Now I don't know what to do. All my friends say it is obvious by the way he came right over and his body language that he still cares for me. I'm still in love with him he brought it all back with just a few words. I don't know if I should call him in a few days or wait it out and see if he calls me. I don't want to miss having a second chance with this guy. Maybe he is ready maybe not. But I really don't have anything to lose. Any advice would be appreciated.
  13. My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me over 2 months ago. Her main reasons for doing so were because during our relationship I displayed a lot of emotional abuse towards her. Even though I believe she played a part in that, that isn't the issue now. I really want her back. For 2 months now, I have done a complete turnaround in my attitude towards her. I treat her like a queen. Call her, compliment her, do such sweet things for her, and respect her to the fullest. While I am being the perfect guy, she puts me down, and our future together. Every once in a while on the phone she tells me she doesn't think I can ever change my ways. She believes I will always be the mean guy she believes I always was. I think she just is afraid of giving me a second chance because she doesn't want to get hurt. A few weeks ago she said, "If I gave you another chance, you'd just be nice for 2 weeks, and then start being mean again...people like you don't change." But I love this girl so much, and I know if I can, I will marry her one day. She just doesn't believe I am for real, that I love her and will never hurt her, even though I have been smiling during the hurt she has been putting me through! I guess what I want to know is how can I show her I have changed? I have been so nice but it seems to backfire. Is it a matter of time? It's really hard to convice her. She cannot forget about my stupid mistakes. What can I do?
  14. My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me over 2 months ago. Her main reasons for doing so were because during our relationship I displayed a lot of emotional abuse towards her. Even though I believe she played a part in that, that isn't the issue now. I really want her back. For 2 months now, I have done a complete turnaround in my attitude towards her. I treat her like a queen. Call her, compliment her, do such sweet things for her, and respect her to the fullest. While I am being the perfect guy, she puts me down, degrades me, and never calls me. Every once in a while on the phone she tells me she doesn't think I can ever change my ways. She believes I will always be the mean guy she believes I always was. I think she just is afraid of giving me a second chance because she doesn't want to get hurt. She said the other day, "If I gave you another chance, you'd just be nice for 2 weeks, and then start being mean again...people like you don't change." But I love this girl so much, and I know if I can, I will marry her one day. She just doesn't believe I am for real, that I love her and will never hurt her, even though I have been smiling during the hurt she has been putting me through! I guess what I want to know is how can I show her I have changed? Is it a matter of time? It's really hard to convice her. What can I do?
  15. Hi all, Okay, abbreviating story (and using staccato sentences)... Long Distance Relationship. 3 Years - strong committment. I plan to go over to her country in the final year. I panic, and decide to take on major professional project before I go over (just to be ready in my career for the move). It takes much longer than expected. Communication between she and I breaks down. Eventually I get fed up with the long distance and the arguments and call a break. We keep in communication. Three months after break. I sleep with someone else. I hate it, makes my skin crawl. I call my ex-girl, tell her immediately (I could never lie to her), and tell her I want her back. After slow discussion, she tells me she moved on. We made a pact that if we ever did sleep with someone else, we would tell the other person immediately. I plan a trip to go see her. She e-mails me telling me not to come, that she's in love with someone else (its been four months total since I called the break). I agree to cancel trip and respect her wishes, even though I have doubts about what she says. Now, I wait. I had the opportunity to be with someone else, but I'm so guilt ridden over what I've done, and so much in love with my ex, that I make the decision to not pursue it. I want a second chance with my girlfriend. We havent had the opportunity to live a normal relationship yet (ie. minus the long distance, and when we have, for only six months at most - but those six months were heavenly). I ache for a second chance, and want to keep myself available in case she decides to come back. But honestly - for all the females out there, am I just being too optomistic - what would you do if you were in her shoes? I am not going to pursue anyone else, I just dont have the heart for it, and I am not interested in anyone else, but should I be so hopeful? I mean, if it were you - would there be any circumstances under which you would come back? This all sounds like I'm fishing for hope again, and I am, but I feel like our relationship hasnt been given a full chance yet. And I want to give it a shot. I know we'd have to start over again, but i just want to try - even if it doesnt work out. I plan to move to her country at the end of the year anyway - for me professionally. Admittedly a major part of that is still her, but I need to keep my intentions clear. Am I right to think she's rebounding? I am trying to respect her wishes. And the final truth is, I just want her to be happy. Even if its not with me - but I feel like we still have a shot somewhere.
  16. Hi all... I have another topic in "Breaking Up" but this is a different issue. I don't know whether I should give my GF a second chance. I'm 26, she's 24. We've been together almost 5 years and lived together for 4 and half years. She's Italian and every summer visits Italy for a couple of months. I'm the only sexual relationship she's had. Over the last year our sex life suffered through external problems (Mainly health worries for her) we had no control over. This summer she met a guy she likes. She told me she wanted a break for the summer. She put me in a no win position...give me this break or we're through. Obviously I was devastated. For a whole week she was a cold and callous. She ignored me, didn't answer my messages or calls and just went off with this guy. They didn't sleep together but she spent loads of time in his hotel room kissing and getting intimate...just touching she says. She just completely disregarded us and our years together and was majorly selfish. So...I dumped her. I said I never want to see her again and I wasn't interested in trying again. Now...she's calling me constantly trying to persuade me to take her back and give her another chance. Yesterday for example, she called me 30 times. I just ignored every call. I answered her emails in the same way - no chance. It's over. It kills me to ignore her because I still love her and do want her back. I feel uneasy though for the following reasons. 1. She says that because of the sex problem she lost some feelings for me. She needs to see me again to see if she can recapture the sexual connection. 2. She's still in contact with this guy via email. She says that if we get back together she'll stop the contact. She also repeatedly states she has no feelings for him. If that's the case and she really wants us to try again why is she still in contact with him? She must realise this can cause a problem! Am I overreacting on this issue? Is it normal for her to stay in contact with the guy she cheated on me with even though she wants us to get back together?! 3. She keeps saying that she feels lost and "shocked" at how she acted. She says it wasn't her. She was just vulnerable and confused about her feelings. 4. I can't get the images of her with another guy out of my head. This is really holding me back. I could deal with casual kissing caused by being drunk or something. She went way too far. She was naked in bed with this guy. Is it really possible to forget the intimacy she shared with another guy and move on? 5. How can I trust her again? She told me during this period that she wishes she'd just hid it till September. That way she could have told me to my face and could have hugged me to make me suffer less (!). If she was willing to hide it before she got caught out then what would stop her doing the same thing again in the future. She is a wonderful girl and I do love her. I just don't know whether giving her a second chance is the right thing to do. She says the only problem we need to solve is the sex thing. She was on the pill until she went back to Italy and that seriously dampened her sex drive. As soon as she came off it her sex drive went through the roof. Of course, she was in Italy when this happened. She could have realised that this combined with certain other external factors (Death in the family, Final year exam stress, ongoing health problems etc) were the cause for us not having sex. She didn't wait to give it a chance though...she just moved onto the first guy she could find it seems. She says I'm perfect for her and she can't imagine her life without me and she's not ready to give up on us yet. I want to take her back I just don't know if I should! I just replied to an email she sent me saying that I can't see how we can get back together because of trust issues and the fact I can't seem to move past her intimacy with another guy. I told her I really need to feel that she's 100% committed and passionate about us getting together again. If I persist with this stance am I in danger of driving her away? Any thoughts? Is our relationship doomed or can it actually work again despite the betrayal?
  17. Hi All! After reading so much about doing NC, how many of you had an ex come back to you after they've seen that you've become a different, albeit, happier person again after they've been out of your life for a while or a long time? I'm asking because my friend, Julie, is going thru this. We were out recently and we saw her ex at a lounge we like to go to. She has not seen this guy or talked to him in five years. She was totally lost for a while after they broke up. She did all the pining and whining and crying when they broke up, but then she finally employed the NC method and she got him out of her system for good. She's a much better person and a lot of fun to be around. When we saw her ex, it was a big surprise to both of us. She knew that she would never hear from him again and she had totally moved on. Anyway, they hugged like old friends when they saw each other and we all talked for a long time that night. Anyway, she called me the other day and said that he'd been in contact with her. They did exhange phone numbers, but she said she never had intentions of really calling. She just did it as a polite gesture. This is true. She has a nice guy that she is seeing. And she talks about Dave constantly! Anyway, Julie said that her ex, Paul, has called her once a day since she's seen him. She said the conversations are light and very on the surface, but she can tell that there are some other things he wants to say, but she quickly tells him that she needs to go or that she's busy. I told her not to be surprised if he suggests that they talk serious at some point. But she says that she is totally over Paul and that things would never be the same between them, so she could care less about their past. But I think whatever he wants to say to her, is piquing her curiosity, at least mine anyway! She said that she doesn't mind being friends with him, though. But that's it. She LOVES her Dave! I'll have to keep everyone posted on this "developing story," but has some thing like this ever happened to anyone here? Let's talk! Tribecagirl
  18. My ex finally returned my phone call and has agreed to meet with me next week. I have not seen him in 3 months and have only spoken to him twice since the break up so there has been plenty of NC and time to heal. Of course like most of you I am hopng that at some point in time there may be a reconciliation. If nothing less I think it will provide closure but as I said I would prefer a second chance. What is the best way for me to handle this so it might lead in the direction I am hoping?
  19. The Monster Inside All those times I made our failure To succeed in love your fault it was mine All those I shunned as heartless All along the fault was mine I committed upon you the worst imaginable I abandoned you and made you to be in the wrong Somehow drawing a sick twisted pleasure from your pain I could not control the monster inside Sadly you were not the only one Not the first nor the last To feel the pain only I would inflict With my cold cruel means I let anger cost me my first chance to be human And let pride cost me my precious second chance I scorned others when the fault was in fact mine But now I see the monster inside I want to cage this monster and lock it away But fear that once he is gone nothing will remain This body will be but an empty shell Of what was once inside I am at a loss for how to accomplish my task To continue to let him loose would do innumerable harm To those innocents who do not deserve that pain But to end it with finality would do much the same My Angel of Epiphany has shown me that I am the monster inside
  20. I need help with a situation... *** came by to see me she wanted to talk to me. *** wants me back big time,she was crying and practically begging for me to take her back she said she is sorry for ever hurting me or cheating on me and that she wants a life with me.She gave me a ring..(I don't know) why couldnt she have woken up before this? She said the person she was who was drunk and using drugs and hit me no longer exists she said she has smartend up and is working hard at her job now not slacking off and calling out.she has not been clubbing or drinking heavly in 3 weeks (I was able to confirm this through someone else as well,so that is true) Before hand when she first got to my house I offered her a glass of wine (it took her the enitre visit to drink the wine) the old her would have drank the entire bottle with me and still be looking for more to drink.I don't know,maybe she has changed for the better and is a new person.But how can I be sure? do I take that risk and be with the ony person I have ever loved or do I just go on with my life an live it and she lives hers.I do still love her deeply and that is why this is so hard for me. I seriously don't know what to do.I should just say and be done with her ..but why is that proving to be so hard?](*,) She wants me to spend Christmas Eve at her apartment and Christmas with her.She said she is ready to commit to me fully. grrrrr ...why does life have to be like this so hard? I have so many conflicting thoughts about this. Can somone change for the better on their own? I wanted to see thoes changes long ago,now she seems to be doing it on her own. I am perplexed about this whole thing I am beside myself with without answers... and wondering if this is a miricle or just a trick to get me with her again..will history repeat itself if I go back with her or can and will it be diffrent? The only think I am asking is if you are starting to see proof that someone is making the effort to turn their life around and that you really feel they are being sincere with you would you give them another chance? Thanks
  21. Im sorry this is so long.. It all started two days ago when I finally decided to stop calling (chasing) him like so many of you on here suggested. He would always act cold and annoyed when we would speak on the phone before, and yet when he called me as soon as that night, there was a different tone to his voice, softer, happier. So after the night that I decided to stop calling him, after we hung up I felt better about myself, about the relationship, about my choices. The next day (day before yesterday), I again did not call him/contact him once, and was discouraged, depressed and desperate again, because he wasn't calling me. I was falling back into the same pain that had been killing me since the ordeal started. I once again felt I HAD to call him, had to chase him, but I went on here instead and spoke to friends, and at around 11:30 PM he called me. I could tell he wondered why I hadnt called him all day, and again he sounded calm and happier. Then, out of the blue, he asked me "so what are we doing this weekend?", which caught me completely off guard, since a few days before when I was begging him to see me he told me not to pressure him, that he didnt know, that he would see me when he felt like it and i was making it worse. So in a state of shock I said I don't know but i want to figure things out before we do anything, which I think discouraged him and he hung up to take a shower. He called me before he went to sleep last night about and hour later and I told him this weekend sounded great, and goodnight. Well, yesterday rolls along, and im expecting the same thing, no calls until late etc... when all of a sudden, ten minutes after I get out of work he calls me and asks me if I would please see him today, and I said I would, but that I had to go home and do some things first. So we agreed, talked about some light things, and we hung up. On my way there I was so nervous, I didnt know what to expect, what to say, what to do, but I decided to let him call the shots, HE wanted to SEE me, so its up to him, I want going to push anything, I was fine waiting until the weekend. So I get there, we hug, and we act like friends for about the first hour. Then we ate, and he said "lets talk". So we did, and im not going to get into details because this post is long enough but we basically asked each other what bothered us each about each other/the relationship that caused us to fight all the time, and we apologized to each other and promised to try as hard as we could to stop the things that turned our little disagreements into huge, painful arguments. We promised to treat each other better and speak more respectfully towards each other even though we were upset. We figured out a lot of things last night, and we decided to give it another shot. I am praying that this time we can really be happy, like we were in the beggining, that we can enjoy being with each other, that this will never happen again. And I know its going to be a long road, and I don't know what it will bring, but no one ever does. We are taking a chance, and if in the end, it dosent work out, althouh it would kill me, I will know that we gave it our best shot, and I will be satisfied. This experience has made me grow as a person and taught me that not everything is in my control. That sacrifice and self-respect can make a world of difference and that good people can lift you up and guide you when you cant do it yourself. Thank you all for the amazing advice you have given me on here. You have no idea the impact your advice has made on me and my relationship. When this all first started I was so lost, so empty, and so desperate... and slowly, day by day, all of your kind words and good advice (although "tough love" at times) lifted me up more and more. I thought I would never be able to get through this and come out a better person, more mature, and more prepared for what life hands me, and yet I have with your help and the help of those close to me. All of you are wonderful people and life will bring you all the happiness that you deserve, whether it is with the person you were with or someone who will make your life so much better than you ever thought it could be. It's still going to be a long road to getting things back to, no better than how they used to be in my relationship, and I know I still need support to gt through it. I will still be on here every day to help you all, to help myself learn from you all, and to give of myself like you all did to me. I wish you all the very best, don't settle for anything else. Thank you especially to: sillygurl, LostAngel, Lealing, Viper62382, mysteriousGIRL, lozic21, rose2summer, robowarrior, jman311, loveisaparadox, dogheadma, shelly7, Irishman, menotyou, candy604 you all made a world of difference...I can only hope i can do the same for all of you
  22. My heart is hurting beyond words So much so that I cannot feel Cut my skin open with swords To let the center spill out of the peel I can never be loved for I am tainted, No one will see beyond what I did, No more the beauty you had painted, Accepting that loving me you forbid. I cannot blame you for how you think, I was a fool to believe in second chances, I will pray for you, a pretty lady in pink, For you to love and give your romances. Love S
  23. This is a bit of a 'pep talk' I penned to myself when I was feeling weak. I was considering all sorts of actions to re-appear in my ex's life and to be honest, I needed a kick in the 'A' to snap me out of it. When I tell people that they need to get a little angry, rather than be submissive - this is what I mean. Step back, and see the situation for what it is, not what you *want* it to be. I hope this helps someone....it helped me, and I'm now back on track Rant: My ex dumped ME without a second thought, she didn't want to 'work on things' for a few weeks despite her feelings having seemingly changed so suddenly She knows how much fun we have together, how much her friends like me, how good I treat her. She knows that I am good for her...and most importantly - she knew all that, YET she still let me go without a second thought. SO, why the f*** should I be planning ANY sort of action to get her back? Why should I be drafting emails to ask her to meet up? Why should I be planning to appear at her work to remind her of what I'm like? Why should *I* be making ANY effort at all? Quite simply - I shouldn't. I didn't put a foot wrong in the relationship...so what exactly am I trying to prove? She's had the best of me, and she threw it away. Why should I feel like I have to make amends for something? Amends for what? For being too good to her? F*** that. This shouldn't be my battle to fight...I shouldn't have to prove to her that I deserve a second chance, she should be fighting to prove to me that SHE deserves one. Having looked back at what we had - if she doesn't miss it and want it back without any 'prompting' from me, then is she really worth the effort? Is it worth the risk of making myself look submissive and clingy? Is it worth the risk of having my heart ripped out...when there is absolutely NO need to put myself at risk again in the first place? Shouldn't *I* be the one that decides whether I want to give her a second chance? So why should I feel like it is up to ME to ask if SHE wants to try again? This should be MY decision, and I'll be damned if I'm going to give her a chance to make it again. Do I want to lose my self respect? No f*****g chance.
  24. Question - If you are possibly wanting to get back with an ex for a second shot one day, would it be better (considering they are the one who broke up with you) for you to: 1) Go NC (no contact) 2) go LC (light contact) 3) Be friends
  25. Well, he asked me stay and wants us together. He sees how I feel ignored, and would feel the same way if I was not available to him when he wanted to spend time. He wants us to begin looking for land, not just me. He said he sees where I would feel he is uninterested based on his lack of response to any land suggestions, and he is sorry. He wants us to have a home together. AND most importantly, when he is working out of town he will devote Thurs. evenings to the boys (since that is the only night they really get to see him) and he wants to devote all of Saturday and Saturday evenings to me and us.
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