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Juliana

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Juliana last won the day on January 5 2007

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About Juliana

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  1. I think he means that she may have Borderline Personality Disorder, and superficially, I agree that it's definitely possible from what is described. There is no medication for BPD. Personality disorders only respond to therapy and lifestyle change. Basically, she has to get real real healthy real real fast. Eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep and making sure that she has appropriate, constructive ways to express herself are important. The therapy of choice for Borderlines is Dialetic Behaviour Therapy. That is the one to pursue. However, I see that you are beginning to
  2. "Men can do horrible things to women somtimes, normally things just born out of inconsideration... but they normally have motive behind it." Or they think they do. You'd have to hear some of my stories; I'm not going to go into it, but I've had things done to me in the name of revenge, for imaginary affairs, for making more money than he did, for not paying attention to him when he wanted me to....revenge always has motive. What it doesn't have is self-control. Or, sanity.
  3. A friend of mine asked me before I went to France, which Paris was I looking for? And I immediately understood; I was looking for the medieval Paris. The places you will go to have history. You have to know not only where you are going, but when. The present? The past? If the past, where in the past? Or maybe you want the future, the hidden city that isn't present yet, but is there, even so. You don't have to stop working to devote a year to travel. I would continue working if you need the money to go. Sell-off sites are great for people who are free, single, and able to take a
  4. We can always regret what we do, and there are always opportunities to turn around and change things, to make different choices. But in general, it's best to move forward constructively, and accept what the other person has chosen.
  5. Look, there is no right response to this. She had a profile up that specified the exact opposite of what he was. Did he care? No. His first action was an insult: Contacting her when he knew that she didn't want his type. So she didn't answer. And his repsonse? To demand she answer. So she answered, and you all thought she was rude. I was very concerned that she wasn't rude enough. "Thank you" can be misinterpreted. "I'm sorry" can be misinterpreted. And his response to her "rude" response? To insult her. If someone contacts you and shows obvious disregard for who y
  6. Again, you have to realize that you have no control over someone else. If he is going to kill himself, I don't believe you can stop him. Therapists who work with personality-disordered patients accept going in that they will lose a certain number of their patients to suicide. They accept those losses as part of their human limitations. And that's what you have to do. I can't promise you that he won't kill himself if you do this or that; no one can. He has to find that faith to go on living himself. He has to find that courage to accept help himself. Of course, he is wrong; he is not e
  7. Everybody does this stuff. Call up and listen to the other person breathe. It's crazy, cause it hurts, but it's also good, because it's the big reality slap we all need sometimes: She's not with you. Check again: Nope, still not with you. It's hard. Don't be too critical of yourself. But it hurts like a sunnuvagun, so you might want to consider not doing it too much, because the pain of the reality check can actually push you back in your healing, and put you in "unhealthy places."
  8. I took a year off to go insane, basically. So yeah, people do that kind of thing -- a sabbatical. You want to take a sabbatical (rest period) to travel, I say go for it. If you check out sell-off sales you can get cheap flights anywhere. If you call up a courier service, they might hire you to courier stuff to remote places; you just have to come up with the return fare yourself. It's well worth doing. I enjoyed being crazy, but now I'm back to my real life...work, et al. Thing is, the life you come back to never seeems to be the life you left. In my case, it's much better, so I hi
  9. Everything you're feeling and thinking is part of the process of healing. Human beings simply cannot comprehend real evil; it's like trying to understand infinity. It's not something we can do. What we can do is understand that we have some (limited) control over what happens to us, and we do have absolute control over how we choose to respond -- whether we will choose to do evil in return, or to remain honest and true to ourselves, and do good. We still end up walking away knowing the world is full of incomprehensible evil, but we walk away with the potential to heal, rather than converte
  10. Maybe now that you're assured of your own success, you can turn around and be a friend to her, and remind her of her own dreams, instead of just watching her fall. Just a thought.
  11. "and yet we have millions of people who think, for example, that Celebrity Big Brother is entertainment." It's not ridiculous. I totally understand. Dwarf tossing. What's that all about? At least we don't have public hangings anymore. Things are looking up! Your intelligence is real, it is not impeded by your illness (although you personally are), and in pursuing the fulfillment of your intelligence, you will be improving the world for everyone. Genuinely intelligent people living their lives honestly are inspirational for everyone. Off you go.
  12. "In order to be happy, in order to free yourself from the things that get you down and horrible days you have when everyone gets you down, you should cultivate loving kindness to the world." True Buddhism isn't about being happy, it's about being liberated from the compulsion to react in any particular way to the events of one's life. Buddhism doesn't bring happiness; at least, it's not supposed to. It's supposed to bring the serenity of liberation from concern with the events of life. You won't be happy, you won't be sad; you won't "be" anything, because Buddhism does not recognize the
  13. I used to write poetry that was so angry, it made me sick to my stomach to read it afterward. Seriously. And then of course it wasn't "good enough." But I know the drill: I don't brush my teeth because I brush my teeth perfectly, or I'm the "best" at it. I brush my teeth because I want to stay healthy. So I write my crap poetry for the same reason; it gets out stuff I don't even know is there. I exercise for the same reason, clean my house, take vitamins, eat right, work, call my friends, for the same reason: All to keep my mind working. Because that's the way it is. Yes, you
  14. The first thing to do is to provide validation; acceptance of her version of events, without question. The point here is not to establish factually what went on, but to move her through the emotional process of overcoming the trauma. The second thing, provided on the heels of the first, is acceptance of her anger, her fear, the complete emotional spectrum that she is presenting. It's normal. Oftentimes people draw back from strong emotion or neediness; I don't know why. This is not a permanent state that she is going to be in, this is a transitional reaction. People who haven't gone thr
  15. It actually isn't about the sex, it's really about the intimacy. Everyone wants to feel that there is someone who values them so highly, their relationship is utterly unique and irreplacable. After all, guys don't worry that their girlfriend got raped -- they worry that she "wanted it." One is forgivable, the other not. If you don't care who your SO sleeps with, that's your emotional reality. Other people are different. The point of the relationship is to understand and honour the other person, insofar as your own values and personality allow that.
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