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enolaton

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  1. Hi all - Last I left off, my ex of almost one and half years told me she had decided to start dating a mutual friend of ours. Yes... it is conceivable that I am still talking to her after all this time. Like clockwork, she still calls every 2-3 weeks to "catch-up". Now, I have absolutely no idea whether or not she is still seeing this friend of ours, but either way, I still get the calls. We keep the conversations light and friendly. Nothing more, nothing less. About a week ago, I was at the movies with some other mutual friends of ours when she called twice in the span of 5 minutes. After getting out of the movie, I called her back. She sounded upset and wanted to talk to me about something, but refused to speak knowing I was with our friends. I called her back when we got back to their house and I had a little more privacy, but she still declined to talk to me. I told her I would call her back the next day, as it seemed she was upset about some personal problem. The next day, when I called her back, she started to argue with me, asking why I had returned her phone call when I was with friends. She refused to talk to me about her original reason for calling. We started to argue, at which point she got really angry, and told me she didn't think this "friendship" was working out, and she hung up. Five minuter later, I received two text messages, and then she phoned me. She was more calm and as in the previous phone call, announced to me that she HAS in fact changed as a person, and continued to talk as if she didn't just end our "friendship". Now, don't get me wrong... I have been out on dates, though nothing special at the moment, and have moved on with life. I'm working on myself and my career now with no intentions of slowing down. Yet, I do still care for her, and if there's anything I can do, I did't want her to be upset. I decided to be the "nice" guy, and call her back. Now, if she's with someone... why is she still calling me to catch-up most of the time, and now, all of a sudden, talk to me about a personal problem? Wouldn't she just talk to him? Am I just being used? At the same time, it seems she can't let go of this so-called friendship. Am I just a shoulder to cry on, or is she holding onto me until she sees we can get a long? I did make her feel better, and the following day we spoke again, and had the best conversation about nothing in particular, that we've had since the break-up. It was truly a pleasure. Any ideas as to her reasoning behind these phone calls? We've come this far. Is this normal behavior for a dumper after all this time?
  2. Hey guys... Happy Holidays to all... I'm back... again... and it involves the same ex. Nothing really new has happened. However, I am still in the same circumstances. Much better since last Christmas, but still finding myself wanting to be with her. She is dating someone else now... a mutual friend of ours. Like clockwork though, we still speak once every 1-2 weeks just to catch up. Every now and then, the thought of having another "talk" with her to tell her how I still feel about her crosses my mind. I fully admit to making a lot of mistakes in our relationship, and I feel I have matured much since she broke up with me over a year ago. I'm not taking ALL the blame, mind you, but I realize my mistakes nonetheless. She never asks to see me, but she will call me just to catch up. I was just wondering if anyone has ever had a talk with an ex that lead to a second chance. I've seen other women, but I realize that I still love my ex. I just want to give it one last final shot, but I stop when I realize it probably won't do any good. That's why I'm here. To get all of your opinions. Is it worth giving one last talk? I want to show her I am no longer the man that she broke up with... but the man I outta be. After all this time, will it sway her in any way?
  3. Hey bigthings.... I wouldn't blantly come out and say that you've changed. If you're actually up to seeing her... show her with actions, not with words. That is, if it's wise to even respond to her in the first place. Also, if you're OK with speaking to her, not to be a downer, but just becuase she said she wants "chill" time, doesn't mean she'll stick to her word. If she doesn't... are you OK with that. Guard your heart man. Overall, if you do wish to respond... keep it short and sweet like your first e-mail, and leave the plan-making to her.
  4. Thanks Midgi. I appreciate you looking out for me. I must admit that I'm somewhat scared I will never find anyone like her, just becuase I haven't up until this point. I don't even see the purpose of our current relationship... Is this what she wanted? For her to call me every couple of weeks just to see how my life is going? What's the point? Obviously, it does agitate me to some degree. Sure, I do wish we were together again, but I'm not going to fall apart becuase we're not. But, why catch up with each other every couple of weeks? Does this make sense to anyone? I mean, it's been over a year since the break-up? Honestly, does anyone have any insight? Has anyone done this, or had this done to them by an ex?
  5. Hey Midgi... good to hear from you too. Yea, I am doing better, hope you're doing well too. Does anyone have some insight to my questions in the original post?
  6. Hey guys, I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. I haven't posted much in a while, but I've been lurking around. Last I left off, my ex had broken up with me about a year before and she announced to me over the phone that she would be dating a mutual friend of ours that I had always suspected liked her. I was naturally hurt by this, and finally decided to cut all contact with her. She was upset and cried, but I did what was best for me. I explained to her that I don't think we should ever be friends. Fast forward a little over 2 months and she calls me. She had attempted to message me before that, but I didn't respond. She left me a message that lead me to the assumption that something was wrong with her sister, and of course, I returned her phone call to make sure everything was OK. It turns out, her sister was fine, and it was just a ploy to get me to talk to her. She came up with some excuse that she thought I just needed time away from her, and that eventually we could be friends (mind you, as many of you might remember from my previous posts, she has maintained her want to be my friend for over the past year we've been broken up). She had a boyfriend after me and they broke up, and now she is dating a mutual friend, but still wanted to be friends with me. I declined, and she cried and was very upset. We ended the conversation. I sat on it for a week, and realized that as much as I love her and at times wished we were back together, being her friend just wouldn't effect me the same anymore. I called her back, and told her that I changed my mind. This was about a month or so ago. She has kept her word. We talk every now and then, and I'm fine with it. I'm even seeing someone else too. We don't talk about each other's romantic lives, but overall, conversations go well. I don't really call her that much, and she expresses that she wished I called her more. Last night, I found out from another mutual friend of ours, that she is still "dating" this guy, but as far as I know, they are still both single. Is this common? Do people, or friends for that matter, date several months before they get together officially? Or, is 4-5 months of just dating a little out of the ordinary? Other than that, I just thought I'd update you guys. To this day, her want to remain friends still puzzles me, but I don't really analyze it too much anymore. Does this seem odd to anyone else? She doesn't affect me the same way anymore, as long as she's happy. Personally, I just continue to move on with my life and enjoy it...
  7. Sofia, I recently had MY ex use something serious that was happening to her family as a ploy to try to re-enter my life. You know what? It worked... I think regardless of our situations and the factors that lead to them... if you're not a heartless person (which I'm sure you're not ) and you care for your ex, then it is human nature to be there for them. I would try my best to defend my heart, go on with my life (as others have already suggested), but also be there for him... It's a hard balance, but I'm sure you'll figure it out.
  8. I'm not looking for anything to work. It's truly now for reconciliation. I just want to make her happy. For anyone who's followed my threads, they know I've struggled with being friends with the ex since the day of the break-up. After 3 months of NC, she calls me STILL wanting to be friends. She's maintained so for over a year now, never letting up. She seems to need me, and I want to be there for her, but at what price and sacrifice of my own happiness?
  9. Has anyone ever sacrificed their own happiness, so to speak, for the happiness of someone they loved deeply (namely an ex)?
  10. Hey Mavis... You give some pretty sound advice, and I appreciate your attention to my thread. This "saga" has unfortunately been going on for over a year now. I'm taking it all into consideration...
  11. Thanks Keefy... If there's one thing I know for sure, not matter how selfish she may be through her actions, she obviously cares about me. Weird though, at the beginning when I had asked for a second chance, her reasoning was that she doesn't want to risk getting hurt again if things don't work out. However, when we spoke two days ago, she said she would rather be hurt as long as we were friends and talking... It does matter to me though... has she maintained her want to be my friend because even though she has seen other people, she's been lonely, and likes to know there is someone to talk to that knows her well.... or, does she still have some feelings for me, but will not admit them? That perhaps, the only way to see if we've matured and learned from our mistakes is to be friends first, becuase she would never jump straight back into a relationship with me. Personally, I wouldn't be against a second chance...
  12. Thank you to everyone for your advice. I should've posted this sooner but, I already decided to call her back, and did so yesterday. Of course, the news about her sister was just a ploy. She was really just calling to see if we can be friends.... AGAIN! Her reasoning was that last time we spoke, she got the impression that I just needed time and space, and that one day we would be friends. I even recall that conversation, and she told me that if I ever change my mind "days, months or even years from now", she would want to be friends with me when I finally called her. Meanwhile, it took her less than 3 months, and SHE was calling me!!! We spoke for a while, even though I tried to cut it short, and we just went over the same things again. Too much was said to go into, but I did ask her how long she was thinking of calling me, and she told me for a long time now. I also asked her, that even after a year, and all that has happened, why she maintains the want to be my friend so damn badly (she was even crying on the phone yesterday). She responded that we were together for 3 years, and that we were best friends, and we care about each other, so why can't we be friends. It's like I expected it when I called her, but at the same time, I was in disbelief that she was calling to ask to be friends again. I told her if I wasn't good enough to be her boyfriend, why am I good enough to be her friend. None of this make sense. In the end, she said she understood, and she would never contact me again. I'm, of course, pondering having her in my life again. I haven't even been really effected by our conversation yesterday. For now though, we said our goodbyes...
  13. OK, for those who don't know, there was an earthquake in Hawaii. As far as they know, no one was killed. That's where my ex's sister is on her honeymoon, and that's what she was trying to tell me when she messaged me and then called me. I just found out this morning. Here's my dilemma: On the one hand, after almost 3 months of NC, and me telling her that I wouldn't be friends, what makes her think that I will be her shoulder to cry on concerning this situation. What if she is using it to wiggle her way back into my life as friends. I can't handle that. On the other hand, I was close with her and her family at one time, and it shows a real lack of compassion as a human being if I don't call her back to ask about her sister. Any ideas as to why she is doing this? Should I call her back? Can I just call her back, find out about her sister, and do my best to cut the conversation short if she attempts to "small-talk"?
  14. Normally, I don't go on Instant Messenger that often, especially since the ex sent a simple "hey" message to me almost a month ago, to which I did not respond. However, today, I was out for the entire day, and had left my Instant Messenger on WITH an away message. I come home to a message from the ex from 4 hours before with another one-liner. Just to fill you guys in, her sister JUST got married. So, the ex's message was in reference to her sister and where she currently is on her honeymoon. After ALL this time, what would make her think I gave a crap??? So, whatever, I left it alone, she had already signed off, and I wasn't planning on contacting her or reading too much into it. Not 20 minutes later (great timing!), she calls me (for the first time in almost 3 months). I didn't recognize the number at first, because I had deleted her number from my phone. I, of course, did not answer it. Now, normally, she would leave me some immature message stating something to effect of: "Well, I guess you don't wanna to talk to me, so I just won't call you anymore", as she has done in the past when I've attempted to ignore her phone calls. Instead, she left no message at all. I am "talking" with another woman as of right now, though I highly doubt anything serious will develop. And, I'm sure the ex would have left a message had it been important, but this is really starting to bug me. Why is she doing this again... only she knows. I refuse to play these games though... Any ideas as to why she may be doing this? Can someone STILL be so thick-headedness to think I want to be friends after I told her that's not what I wanted? Advice... comments???
  15. I was in the same situation at you T... My ex broke up with me a year ago. I was on/off NC, but it was only causing more hurt. Throughout that time, she maintained her want to remain friends. I finally realized I just couldn't do it anymore. She cried, as it obviously still hurts her even to this day. But, you and I have to do what is best for us now. It's been 2 months of NC, and I don't regret my decision ONE BIT. She even messaged me a couple weeks ago, and I didn't respond. I don't know yet what her intentions of messaging me were, but I know that unless she is banging down my door, begging me back, it's NC ALL THE WAY. You made the right decision. You have all the support you need right here...
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