sonjam
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Everything posted by sonjam
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I am not attracted to my wife anymore.
sonjam replied to xtrips's topic in Marriage/Long Term Relationships
Well, the first step toward a better relationship, is to realise the mistakes you are making. The rest you should be able to rectify, if you are willing to really give it a go! The problem is, people think to be in a marraige is about the "feeling" you have for the other person, when in truth, it is almost like a "partnership" or business relationship. If you don't work on it, it will fail. I believe if you really try, and change a few things, (start with the things you do, and automatically the way she behaves will have to change) then it would spice life up a bit. People get so used to the way their partner act, that they have an automatic counteract. Because things always happen the same. You don't feel like it, she feels rejected and also does not respond etc etc. BUT if you change the initial way you act, and do something totally different, she will not be able to continue with her normal "counteract" and will actually have to start thinking about it, and find new ways. Do something different. How about getting home tonight and rubbing her feet. Not to get to sex, just an act of love. On other nights, pour her a bath, with bubbles the works. Still don't ask for sex, just an act of love. Find new and interesting topics to talk about with her, besides your relationhip. She might respond to you in ways you never imagined. If you light the spark in her again, IM SURE it will automatically ignite yours. And as a last resort, how about some therapy?? But first try to fix it yourself. Realising the problems, and the part you play in it compells you to act on it, and try and work things out, don't you agree? -
I vividly remember your whole story Strandy's mommy!! Any gosh, Im so glad things have worked out with the new guy!! (we knew it would). It's great to hear the "happy endings" every now and again, all the heartache and teardrops can get a bit heavy on the heart after awhile, and hearing the success story's is really encouraging! I wish you all the love and happiness you deserve for the future!
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Oh, millaj I can not even begin to think of the sorrow you carry with you in your heart. I will pray for you tonight, and I want to tell you how your poem touched my heart. Be strong, keep your faith, and I just know God will send you another little angel. Not to replace the first one, but to give you a new one, because he knows what a great mommy you would be one day. You are in my thoughts.
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yes, I agree don't push her, but how about going to see the same councillor, but alone? That way he will get both sides of the story, you have a right to state your feelings, as a marraige is a two way street. He will be better equipt to give advice to both of you, and he's obviously the person she is listening to. If it is really for the best for your marraige, then she might re-considder, but not by you telling her this. You gave her too much of a shock for that. How about trying that?
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You should be really glad he's changed so much!! Why does some girls think that if a guy is not overprotective of her, he does not care? Tell me, are you doing things on purpose to see if you can get him to react? If you are, then he's obviously not all that into you, and can see right through you, becouse if you cared about him, you would not do such things to try and get attention. My instinct says that he burned himself once before, and rather than being obsive about it, he withdraws. Im sure he cares about you, don't push it. The change in him is for the better, and some people after recovering from something like this so overboard to the one side(over protective), swings all the way to the other side (non-caring) and eventually finds the healthy middle way. I hope it will work out for your BF too!
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Not to sound too much like your spreadsheeting excuse of a husband, but how about sitting down, and writing the pro's and con's of staying. Im sure the negative things far outweigh the positive. Look on the bright side, you still have your health, and you don't sound like you have kids in the house. What is keeping you? Of course you will have to start over in a small appartment, but you can move closer to your family, have support, and feel the sun shining in your life again. All it is going to take from you is the big step - to leave. Don't spend you life in this rut. You owe it to yourself to have a good life, it is the only one you have!
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I would start off with asking something like, what are you wearing... and then the other party would reply, then (giggling), ask and what are you wearing under that? That should get the conversation going. If the other party is not really into it, or in the mood, they would obviously not be interested, or play along..... my 0.02cents.....hope it helps!
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Miya, your sis is in an abusive relationship, and that is a very difficult thing to get rid of. She's going to need all the help and support she can get, since guys like that treat woman VERY badly, and when the woman want to leave, they try ANYTHING to make them stop, but then if they stay, they just treat them badly again. I want to ask you to not put yourself first in this situation, don't worry about not seeing his family anymore, what you should be thinking of is how to help your sis. I dunno, but don't you think it might help just a little bit if you confided in your parents? They might not feel sorry for her, but rather help her, and support her. What do you think? Obviously this Jake is bad news, and your sis needs to get out of the relationship. If it means you will miss one year of Haloween, well, it's just once, and that could mean your sister will get back on her feet, and be happy again. That is not such a bad trade, is it?
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I agree with DN. She would not be getting married at all if you really were "the one". Anyway, you cannot possible know you want to spend the rest of your life with her after 6 short weeks, and her getting married to someone else. You also have no guarantee you will not be in the place her fiancee is in right now, being cheated on. Count your losses, and find someone available, honest and faithfull.
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Make sure this "cheating" you are reffering to did not only happen during the time you were appart. If it happened after you got back together, ditch him. But you were appart, and if it happened then, you have no leg to stand on. In that case give the guy a chance, and don't dismiss the fact that you dumped him first for someone else (blaming it on the family is a lame excuse).
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Im sorry, but I do believe in projection. Growing up, how did your dad treat his family, was he always around, interested in your activities, etc? It makes a huge difference in how you feel attracted to guys. Im talking about the "chemistry". YOu will always find chemistry in the relationships you are pre-disposed to. The "Platonic" and "boring" guys, ar more probably the good ones, you just have to work on the relationship first. Thing is, when you are in a relationship or meet a guy you don't feel the "chemistry" with, you are out of your debth, and don't know how to react, since it is not the way you grew up with or were taught to. You feel like a fish out of water. Eventually though, you start feeling comfortable in the relationship, an low and behold, the chemistry starts!! How about trying it the other way around for a change?
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If you are naturally irregular, then you might be a bit late, when I'm not on the pil my cycle is longer than the normal 28 days, so Im normally a week late. BUT you could be pregnant. Being nine days late, a home preg test kit will definitely pick it up. Do the test first thing in the morning for best results..
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I was wondering if you saw the movie by that name. I for one wish the breed of man depicted in that movie would die out. It's is the woman-hater (hitter) kind....
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Girl, take this as a lesson in life, learn from it, and move on. At campus be friendly, but not overly friendly. Guys hate girls running after them, especially after they rejected them, you are only going to cause him to redicule you in front of his friends. Take this like a big girl and move on.
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First of all, change your lock on the front door, and go back to sleeping in your bed. She is the one in control, and that is why you are scared she's going to take more things. You have to show strenth, and stand up for yourself. If she wants more things out the house, she will have to discuss it with you, and come to an agreement. I see a problem in the fact that you are so young, and have been together since a very early age. I guess she is trying to see what the rest of the world has to offer her. Making somoene come back to you if they are not in love with you anymore will never work, but it is very cruel of her to keep you hanging on the line while she figures it out. Sit down, decide what you are going to do with your life without her in it. Then take action. If and when she decides to come back, you will have to considder the option very carefully, and see if there is still space in your life for her. Don't let your life fall appart, it will only make it all the less appealing for her. It is a very hard thing to do, but you will have to take control of your life, and soon. Try the option of no debt, don't bet on her coming back to you. Good luck!
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Minty, this must be really hard for you and also for D. I guess hes a "spirited child". Little things you can do, is warn him, and prepare him well in advance for change. Kids like that feel very safe in their routine environment, and does not take well to change. Do sort of a little count down before going anywhere, or introducing net things to his environment. A friend of mine also have a little boy diagnosed with ADHD, and all sorts of problems. Hes been in a special school since he was small, he's gone for speech therapy, etc, she refuses to put him on medication, but prefers to take him for therapy, becouse as you can imagine, he's very frustrated, and thus very agresive. He's 11 now, and is turning into a bright young boy. He still struggles a bit, but not half as much as he used to. I guess what I want to tell you is don't give up. He is God's child as well as yours, and God has a path layed out for him. Everything will be ok.
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Why do you want to let go?
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and so Where do we go from here?
sonjam replied to blackberry's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
That's the spirit! -
and so Where do we go from here?
sonjam replied to blackberry's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
NO no no, don't write the e-mail. What is drawing her nearer to you is the fact that you are becoming independent, and strong. It intrigues her, and it obviously talks to her femal instincts of finding a good strong capable male. If you go and pour your guts out , you will shatter this new image of yourself, rather build on this. Be strong and independent, later when you have established either a new form of friendship, or a new relationship, you can let your guard down a bit, but you will never be the same person you were before, you are stronger now, better.... -
It's a simple thing - supply and demand. You produce, you ejac, and then you produce again. If you let a little more time inbetween, it will increase again. Stop obsessing about it, there is nothing wrong with you.
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Why don't you guys just give it a little more time, so you can grow in the newfound relationship, and she can make an informed decision. Moving back in, and then blaming you if things go wrong will not be a pleasant thing, so take it slow, date and when you both feel ready, move in together. She should not be asking, it is a decision you should take together.
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Why do you feel you have a problem with mastrubation? It is normal, trying to prevent yourself from doing it will only make you obsessed with it....
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You are truly complaining with a white bread under your arm - is a popular saying around here. It means you have everything, and yet you still complain. I don't need to tell you how 95 % of the women in this world would kill for what you have, and yet you are not happy. Let me say something about the ex. There is a reason why they call past loves EXES - it means it is past. If he's so perfect why is he the EX? It obviously did not work out a previous time, why would it work out now? This is a wild guess, but I think you may be suffering from an emotional problem. Some people grow up in a certain way, and then when they are in a different environment, they don't know how to deal with it, they simply feel like a fish out of water. They are uncomfortable, and don't know how to deal with it, because it is not something they have previously experienced. My suggestion to you: Before ruining your own life, that of your husband and children by making the wrong choices, how about a few sessions with a therapist? You know, they are wonderfull people, and they sometimes give you clarity on your situation, like no other people can. I don't know if you noticed, but on the 9th until about the 15th we will have two guest speakers on our site, to help people with their problems, if you can't afford a therapist, how about directing your problem to one of them, and see if they have any constructive feedback? All I want to tell you is be cautious, and think really long and hard before you make a move.
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neya, NC is in best in relationships where one partner can't let go of the relationship, and the other party is not interested anymore. The NC is used to put distance between the two, so the healing process can start. There is nothing wrong with being friends with an EX as long as BOTH agree that the relationship is over, and NEITHER has hope of re-kindling it. Sometimes people get along better as friends than as lovers, and if he needs you to be in his life, but ONLY as his friend, then you could add a lot of value to it. BUT then you should not be giving him ANY hope of getting back together, and you should not be talking about love and missing him. I you cant maintain a relationship like this, I suggest the NC route. It will break the ties, and eventually he will start picking up the pieces of his live, and get it all together again. He will stop putting the main focus on the past relationship, and start looking to the future.
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I can totally understand her need for a little space, to deal with things, the move the breakup and everything, but usually if you have someone you (love) you would much rather rely on that person to give you reassurance and support, rather than running away. A few days, yes, but a week and a half with no contact - I'm sorry to say, but I think she is stringing you along. It is not fair to have space, and then send the odd message to keep you interested, while she obviously doesn't know what it is she wants. If she wanted you, my friend, she would have been with you by now. Confront / Contact her if it is important enough, otherwise I suggest you go out and find the right person. You deserve more than just breadcrumbs