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About Me

  1. I need some place to vent and I haven't done it in about 5 months, so to all of the people who feel like I do tell me what explinations do you have about why life sucks. I think it sucks because you are supposed to fit in a certian category or be an outcast. Finding love is about as easy for us as algebra to a 3 year old. There seems to be a lot more downs than ups. Now I can hear the none believers doubting me now. For example why is it you can have a nice attitude and smile everyday, and still be dateless, while the nastiest attitude having smuck who treats people like trash just has to have good looks and every "looks doesn't matter to me" liar just gravitate towards that kind of person. Why when somebody in your family dies 1 or 2 good things happen, and then the rest of the time 30 more bad things happen? How does that even out, and it be really insignificant; like you get shot and never walk again but look at the good side you just got court money ever though you can't walk and your probably going to have to spend most of it on your disability. Yeah ain't life grand. Now I'm probably going to hear from some obvious mug say "Life isn't fair" You have to live with it. All I can say to you is No s*** sherlock how did you manage to stumble on to the answer everybody already freaking knows.
  2. I'm looking for any previous or current litigation where a Plaintiff diagnosed with ADD/ADHD has filed a complaint of disability discrimination. Specifically, I'm interested in how the courts consider ADD/ADHD as a disability - where there has been recognition that the disorder can be an impairment to a major life function. I have filed such a discrimination complaint in the US District Court in Denver, Colorado. Any sharing of information would be appreciated. John W.
  3. Well it's something I enjoy but am not well suited for personality wise. My degree is in Housing Studies. I've applied for housing jobs through the county I only have my degree no experience. And having a disability turns off employers. I've worked in real estate tried to get back to it but feel it's too stressful financially. So gave up. I really fear losing my disability income because my hours sometimes go over at my chiropractor job so I may have started the ticket to work I don't know if once you start it it continues or starts and stops. So I feel at a loss on what to do. Finding a job in my field seems unlikely.
  4. I'm feeling quite angry and overwhelmed at the moment and really just need to vent. Hoping to maybe get some new perspectives on this because I'm feeling a bit emotional at the moment and not sure if I'm thinking clearly. So, for anyone that doesn't know me here, I'm a 34-year-old woman, I have a Certificate 4 in Mental Health, Diploma of Disability and a Bachelor of Psychology. I've done a fair bit of volunteering in the aged care, mental health and disability field. I have also been working in paid employment for five years mostly for not-for-profit welfare organisations with people with various disabilities and mental health issues. One thing that I really need to vent about is this volunteer work that I've been doing for 2+ years but I'm seriously thinking to quit it now. Back in 2015-2016 I think it was, I wanted to see if I'd like working in disability advocacy and took up a volunteer role to get a feel of it and experience. The volunteer role I've been doing is with a non profit advocacy agency where I keep in touch with a severely intellectually disabled older lady who can't speak. She lives in a residential facility and my job is basically to visit her every so often, call the staff on the phone, and to keep an eye on her general life, well being, treatment by staff, etc. And to speak on her behalf if any issues arise, such as mistreatment or abuse. Which has never happened so far so to be fair I haven't actually done anything like that. This volunteer role has no time limit and can be indefinite (i.e. forever) but also I'm pretty sure did not specify that "x amount" of months or years of commitment was expected. From the beginning of the volunteering, I never liked the volunteer co-ordinator who is managing me because I just had a bad vibe from her and found her fake and insincere. On top of that, the key support worker of the disabled lady in her residence and some other staff there always seemed to just want to use me to take the lady out for lunch, coffee and shopping because the lady is lonely and bored sitting at home and she absolutely loves going out. That is not my actual role though to be a social and activity buddy and my co-ordinator even acknowledged to me that the staff should not be doing that, but she never seemed to have said anything to them because they just keep doing it. I should mention though that this key worker is overall a nice man and the disabled lady very sweet and no bad behaviours at all, very happy person who always smiles and is easy to be around. After about 1.5 years of volunteering I will admit that I lost interest in it for the reasons I just mentioned. I guess I had a feeling the co-ordindator would be pushy so I didn't tell her anything and I sort of just avoided the disabled lady and didn't really see her for close to a year. I also avoided some of the co-oridnator's calls and messages. Finally I responded to her and I tried to tell her over a coffee meeting that I didn't want to do it anymore because I was busy with work and supporting my fiance who has very bad depression and anxiety also. The co-ordinator basically didn't want to hear it and didn't really act sympathetic but was quite manipulative. She was like: "I literally have nobody else to take your place, we have a very long wait list, she will have nobody. She needs you so much right now, she relies on you, etc, etc." I felt really pressured and manipulated into it so continued to do it. But I'm getting really fed up with it because the male key worker told me to visit the lady once a month and on a Saturday or Sunday and for all three of us to go out for four hours because that's the duration of his whole shift. He said not to come any other time because we can't go out. One time he said he'd pick me up in the work car but he was pretty late and I was just sitting around waiting for him. So all this was really eating into my free weekend time. Also the co-ordinator keeps harrassing me about re doing my police check and I gave her all the documents already except for one. I said I would get it verified and scanned when I can because I'm really busy working two jobs. However instead of waiting for me to get it to her, she proceeded to keep texting me about it three times. Anyway, now I texted her and said I want to talk and I'm not happy about what's going on. Post is getting long so will try to summarise about my jobs. So I've been in a job for just over two years in that same role with people with disabilities and mental health. I get paid well there and I like the clients but my shifts got significantly cut down and I also find my boss really unprofessional and inappropriate. By inappropriate I don't actually mean sexual but just not acting in ways appropriate to what a manager should act like. He basically never replies to any calls or messages and is totally AWOL. I don't work as part of a team but just remotely out in the community with the clients and I never get any staff training, meetings, no Christmas party. My boss has displayed some unprofessional behaviour too like when he went on a cruise in Fiji and he looked me up and contacted me on Facebook and asked me to do his work that he didn't do before he left because he had no phone reception on the ship. Anyway so I was a bit fed up and five months ago I started looking for a new job in the mental health and disability field. I applied only for jobs I truly wanted so not a huge amount, but decent number of jobs. A lot of them I didn't even get an interview and also got a few interviews but didn't get the job. Some of them also expected me to use my own car but I don't have a car. After 3-4 months of searching I ended up getting a job with a large country wide non-profit organisation. The job is only a casual relief/fill in worker in a residential house with people with reasonably severe mental health issues and intellectual disabilities. One person does have difficult behaviours. All the staff and manager there are nice and I'm fine with the clients too. But the money is not good and they also keep calling me too much to work and rostering me on some late nigh shifts and weekends. I'm still doing my other job too because I didn't know when they're gonna call me at the relief worker job so I needed to have some ongoing shifts as well. Anyway so now I'm feeling really tired and stressed and really disillusioned because I'm not enjoying the relief job. I'm just feeling so frustrated because I don't understand why with all my tertiary qualifications and experience I just can't find anything better than all this. Or am I maybe expecting too much because you can't find something perfect? Can anyone relate?
  5. My mother keeps saying she's thick. This isn't just a one off, said in jest, as in, "Oops, I've made a mistake, am I thick or what?" - she's very serious. It's mainly that she thinks she's thick because she says she can't spell. She can spell but like many of us, she occasionally gets some letters transposed or if it's an unfamiliar word, it may be wrong but it's nothing huge. I have to add here that it's her who is always making an issue of her spellings, it's not coming from anyone else. In addition to her spellings, whenever she wants to do something, for instance such as her wanting to download a free Sudoku program she'd read about in a reputable computer magazine. She's asked me to do it for her, suffixing her sentence with "... I can't do that because I'm thick." She's perfectly capable of doing this herself and she's downloaded things from the Internet before. I've refused to do it for her but, like on the other occasions, I've said I'll be there with her while she does it herself. Whenever she's said things like, "You're going to have to do that for me because I can't," or "I can't do that because I'm thick." I've encouraged her because I know she can do the task and I've said that she isn't thick. But this keeps happening with alarming frequency and I'm wondering if I should now start to change my response since what I'm saying is only serving to increase her claims. I've even wondered if I should actually agree with her and tell her to sort herself out! But that's not in my nature yet, I know Mum is perfectly able and capable. She has no obstacles such as disability, she's up to date with her visual prescription so there's no problems there. It's crossed my mind that she's trying to keep me 'emotionally close' although I'm not going anywhere or it's some form of attention seeking. She's only 55 by the way. I despair! She sounds like the pupils who I work with at school who give up on a task before even trying but they stop short of calling themselves thick. Any input will be gratefully received. Thank you
  6. Hey everyone, This may seem off-topic, but I was wondering if anyone else has a physical disability, and if so .. how does that affect your sex life? (In case you were wondering, I am asking because I have a physical disability...) Thanks!
  7. I've been on disability for mental health for two years now. I had a relapse a year ago. I need friends, I need a life and I'm having trouble rebuilding it. I know there's a lot I could google, but I'm very empty for need of venting. My best friend is so insensitive and short with me. He doesn't read me well. When I need someone to listen to me, all I have is my therapist but that's not fulfilling. I just need a friend. I'm not saying you should be my friend but is there a safe way on the internet to make friends? I know about meetup.com already and couldn't find anything local that I was interested in. I dont have many hobbies. Joining facebook groups led me to strange people (unless you can think of a good networking one.) I need to vent on a daily basis. Should I try the public journals here (if they still have) or just use this forum? Any advice helps.
  8. So I have an interview for a position I am familiar with, gave up trying to get experience in my degree field. It's an a/p position, billing specialist. Hope I get it and it will work around my disability! I said no to that subsidized place because she wasn't giving me info. on cost besides 30% of income, which was too much for that place. There's a 2 bedroom available now. So I am trying to get an application for the two bedroom subsidized unit. It's in a town I really like. Closer to more job opportunities. It's a place I am really excited about. My daughter turned 16 now. She is still working toward her drivers license.
  9. There is a strong possibility we are leaving our current posting within a year. It could be out of province. My husband and I discussed my staying behind with our son due to his disability payments. If we leave the province and then come back he would lose his disability payments and not be re enstated due to current political climate. It is not like we haven’t done the IR story before. We did it for 5 years before when my son was young. If we stay within Ontario then I will move with him. I was losing my noodle yesterday when I found out we were posting out in the “ nearish “ future. I just got a life together for ME that is not devoted 100% to other people. Hopefully, they would let him go IR. We really don’t want to be parted but it is the only financially fair thing for our son.
  10. And they talk about flexible hours so I am hoping they will work with me and my disability. However it's further from home so it would cost me more to work there gas wise. And they want more days a week, currently work 3 there I would work 4 or 5, depending how flexible they are. It's as a receptionist a/p, a/r person for a dealership. And it's still M-F so I like that. May have to move out of my service area and find an apartment near there if I get it. I know they can transfer services, my case manager told me. But apartments might be more expensive in the area too. Well first I have to get it, but I like to plan and it gets me to think about things more deeply.
  11. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my kids around here before but I've never gone into much detail. I have a 5yr old son and a 3yr old daughter. My kids are both awesome shorties (their nicknames, big shortie and little shortie). They are generally fun to be around, totally crazy, and make me smile everyday. My son can be a challenge though, and reading the articles that were on the front page the other day sorta brought all of it to the front of my mind again. See D has some sort of developmental disability. We have no exact diagnosis, despite the many docs he's seen. It's gone from PDD (pervasive developmental disorder) to outright autism, to his latest doc saying the autism diagnosis for him is bunk and that it's severe developmental dyspraxia with a speech delay and maybe some adhd thrown in. All I know is that he's been in special ed for over 2 years now and isn't making close to the progress that was projected when he started. He can talk, but not to the level that my 3yr old can (though she's a total chatterbox anyway), he can write his name, and he kicks my butt on any videogame we've played, heck I use him to figure out the puzzles that I can't. At the same time he hasn't been able to pottytrain, he can't understand almost any concept that isn't completely concrete (if I can show it to him he gets it, if it's something that can only be explained with words it's hopeless), he has trouble controlling any sort of impulse he gets, he's generally speaking way behind kids his age and even those a year or two younger. The thing is that I feel like I'm always dealing with two kids. There's the D I know, who when we are at home or just hanging out is a really cool kid. He sports a mohawk after begging for one and I probably have the only 5yr old who I can bribe with a promise of letting him wear the mohawk up. He loves to play drums and listen to music. He can be a handful and hard to control at times but it is my norm that he is like that and it's never so bad that I can't deal. In fact as he's gotten older he's become the more mellow of my two. Then there's the D who I deal with when talking to the school or his docs. The one who isn't meeting anyones expectations, the one who is broken and needs to be fixed. The one who I have no clue what will happen to him when he moves to his special ed kindergarten this year. The one who is defiant and hard to control because he doesn't do well in group settings and needs one-on-one attention but it's hard to get because apparently his disabilities don't quite warrant that. And then I cry, because this isn't what I pictured. And because I want everyone else to see the awesome kid that I see. But no one else sees that, they just see his disability. No one deals with him as closely as I do so they never seem to learn to really relate to him. Like how someone will ask him a question and he won't be able to answer (he has almost no grasp on answering why or how type questions) but I know how to word it in a way that he can. Or how he so badly wants to play with other kids on the playground but because he has trouble talking with them they run away or tell D to go away. Because of his lack of speech he can be hard to get to know. He seems standoffish because he can't interact well, but he loves hugs and playing pretend, he thinks it's hilarious if someone burps, if his sister is being a pest in the car he'll tell her to stop or that I'll turn the car around, he loves for me to snuggle him to sleep each night, and so many other things that you can't see unless you look past the lack of speech and impulse control to the kid who is really there. Then I cry because I don't know what to expect for him and I just want to keep him home with me and around people who do understand him. I worry everytime we get into a new situation because I know I'll have to explain and then people will treat him differently. Or I will just not be able to bring him along because no one will understand or even try too. I also cry because there are so many things I wish I could do with him but while he's the right age he's not emotionally or mentally able to do that stuff. And I worry about what will happen down the road? Will he really get past this like I keep being told or will he always be so far behind and never able to normally interact with society? I keep reading articles and books where parents learn to accept this and move on but I just have never been able too, not completely anyway. I mean when it's just D at home it's not even an issue. It's just everytime we have to go to yet another doc or another IEP meeting that these issues come up for me. I just want everyone to know the kid inside, the one who seems trapped by his lack of speech. I know that kid and he's awesome, but almost no one else does. And I hate that, I hate everything about it.
  12. Hi I'm a guy I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I'm nit the kind of person to come on a board like this and post my problems. but here I am. Ok here it is I have a disability I only have one eye and I'm kinda ugly. that makes getting a girl real hard. I'm 17 and I have never had a girlfriend. most of my best friends are online they all tell me the same thing oh your going to find a great girl someday and she will be so luck to be with you and all that. well what about all those people who grow up and die and never even find a girl to settle down with. what about them hu? I mean I'm sure some of them were told the same thing. of you will find a girl don't worry. But did they? no. so what makes me any different. oh well anyway I don't know what I'm going to do but I'll figure something out...I mean I'm a nice guy I'm not one of those Ass grabbers I treat girls with respect. there are girls that I really like and one that I like a lot but none of them ever like me the same way in return. well pleas feel free to reply say anything you want. if anyone knows the secret to finding the secret to what ever I am doing wrong please by all means tell me. Thanks.
  13. I came accross this article online and I think it makes some very good points: link removed With MySpace being so popular, many people don't think twice about what they put in their profiles. Employers & law enforcement are starting to search sites like MySpace. I recently had a problem with a family member who thought it was "cool" to post photos of himself drinking and smoking weed on MySpace. Even more recently, a "professional" person I have worked with in the disability field has a MySpace page with photos of himself drinking and with comments that degrade people with disabilities.... calling them "retards". We are still trying to figure out what to do about it at work. People really need to think twice about how they present themselves to the world. I hate to sound like a conservative old lady: But being half naked and portaying oneself as a party animal or drug/alcohol abuser is probably not a good idea. Neither is disclosing your favorite sexual positions.](*,) I'm astonished at how many people have MySpace accounts that do just that- and you can find them so easily by searching for their name and location. Don't put anything online which you would not want your boss to see, especially if your page is so easily found. I can't believe how many people have their first and last names on their MySpace, and want to advertise such things about themselves. BellaDonna
  14. I have this friend. He is a really sweet guy. I had been dating my current boyfriend for about a year or so before I met him. He always made it clear that if me and my boyfriend H, ever broke up, that he would want to date me. It gets sort of complicated in that he has muscular distrophy and is in a wheel chair and can't really leave the house, or if he does its pretty much only for drs appts and stuff... Well me and H decided to get married. I love him so much.. But now my friend is hurt and upset and really short tempered with me lately.. I know he liked me, but he has known for as long as I have known him that I am in a relationship and it even then was pretty serious. He keeps saying how depressed he is, that he will never find someone. No one wants to deal with his disability. That is totally not the case though.. If I had not been with H and in love with him, I might have ended up dating my friend.. He is so depressed though and no matter what I say its wrong.. He keeps saying he is sure now he will never get married and have a family and all that.. And I want to listen to him and help him all I can, but indirectly he keeps blaming me.. He has never said it right out, but certian comments makes me feel that way.. He really is a great guy, smart, cute, funny.. I know he could easily find a Gf if he didn't act like your dating his disability.. instead of him. It is a big complication and does effect his life a lot.. But he is a great guy. I just don't know what to say to make him know he is and that I can't be with him.. Not because of a disability, but because I love someone else. I have said it pretty much like that several times.. But always the same thing that he is going to be alone forever, no matter what.. And he always says if me and H break up he would love to date me.. I don't want him waiting around for me to end it with H because I am not going to. And I don't want to feel guilty, that he doesn't have anyone.. And I don't want my friend wishing I would break up with my bf all the time.. I just don't know what to say or do anymore..
  15. I have been with my boyfriend for six months now. We communicate pretty well, I think. We always talk our problems out. It's a long-distance relationship, so we have to trust each other a lot. One of his social activities is going to strip clubs with his buddies. It's really the only way that he can feel included by the guys (he has a disability, so it's been hard for him to make friends), so he doesn't want to jeopardize his "guy time" by saying no. I absolutely HATE the idea of him paying skanks to take their clothes off so he can oogle at their naked bodies. In my opinion the entire point of being in a relationship is to be committed to one woman. That includes saving anything sexual for HER! He says it's just a part of who he is, but I can't buy that excuse. It honestly really hurts me that he'd purposely go out and do something that he knows makes me feel unworthy and unwanted. He doesn't see it like that. What can I do to fix this problem?
  16. I met the guy in late November. He was my new neighbor. By late February we got married. It was quick but at the time it felt like the right thing to do. He’s 40 and I am 31. We got married before I let him move in because he had to pay 50% of his way, that was my rule, my morals. When I decided I wanted to married him he had a job, not full time but he worked a few days here and there under the table since he’s on disability. He was working for the landlords around the property, kinda like a handy man. They stopped using him since he kept calling in sick (I think he was not really sick but being lazy). So, I wouldn’t let him move in yet because his disability alone won’t pay half the bills. We were already married before he got fired. I am someone who needs my space, my time alone. I’m very independent with a great job and he’s very codependent. He had a key to MY place and would come and go as he pleased, even when I had he doors dead bolted he’d still try to get in. I told him he needed to stop doing that, to give me my space and that he doesn’t live there yet. He’d throw a hissy fit then agree and next thing you know he was doing it again as if I never asked him to stop. Finally a few months went by and he said he got a full time job under the table doin roofing. I thought that was great! So I decided it was time for him to move in, even though I was concerned about my space issues. He was already going into my place all day when I wasn’t home so might as well get half the bills paid out of it. Sure enough a few days after the move in the roofing guy no longer needed his help. I had a feeling he knew it wasn’t full time but just wanted to move in. He can only pay half the rent with his disability. I started learning he’s not really disabled but he fudged to get it. I pay all utilities, food and supply’s. I calculated that I pay about $500 more a month than he does. All he does is sit around, watch TV and smoke weed all day. He does help around like cleaning a little and dishes, but that’s almost like having a house wife. I’m sure you’re thinking (well he’s your husband and you should support him). I don’t see the marriage like he does. I don’t see it as “us” and “we” like he does. When I get home from work (I work in construction) I never get a moment to myself even though I ask him for some space. Before he moved in he said he’d give me space when needed and he’d go next door and hang out with his old roommates, no problem. Two days ago when I finally had enough and said I needed space he started crying and throwing a pitty party like a kid and said he didn’t want to go next door because its “icky”. He cried and cried and it repulsed me. I was so turned off and it made me want to repel him more. I had no idea things would turn out like this. A few months ago I was happy and in-love. My mind and heart took a 360 and now I just want to be alone. I don’t want to break up or necessarily divorce but I wish I could rewind time to before he moved in and set more boundaries as far as him just walking in my place. I don’t see the apartment as “our” apparent, I see it as mine and everything in it. Should I ask him to move back next door? I’m worried that would kill the entire relationship. He’s not on my lease. Is this something that will pass or get worse? Is he taking advantage of me because he knows I make way more money than him? Is it because when he lived next door he lived with 2 other guys and it was a mess and my place is very nice? Someone please tell me what to do, because I feel like I’m losing my mind.
  17. Hi guys, So this is a really big step for me... after having an initial consultation (or meeting, whatever the term) last May, I have finally got a call for an opening to see a psychologist at my school (I could have gone sooner actually, but scheduling difficulties over the summer, etc.) In any case, I know some of you know my rantings/difficulties last year. Thus far this year I have been able to manage my life (school, work, family, etc.) better because of a more manageable workload, but I still feel generally stressed. And when I told my best friend that I was thinking of dropping the appointment altogether she said I shouldn't... because what if the same issues come back, and keep re-appearing? I should learn to deal with them at some point. So I thought that was a good point and decided to go. That said, it has been hard for me to even get to this stage because I don't really know why I'm going. Everytime I think of what to say to the psychologist I draw a blank. So I'm going to create a mental checklist... of things I might bring up. I believe it's an hour appt. for now, but since I'm on the roster I could see him/her regularly in the future if need be I suppose. If anyone has any suggestions/thoughts on this, perhaps because you know me/my posts, or have been to a psychologist before and can lend some insight that would be greatly appreciated as well. Here are some potential issues: - I have an obsessive compulsive disorder. I've had it since I was around 11/12 years old (trichotillomania -- pull out my hair.) At the beginning of the year, from Sept -- end of Oct. I was actually doing very well with this, I think a more manageable life really helped me deal with this and my hair started to grow, now shoulder-length. But I notice when I am depressed/stressed I really start to pull... I used to pull for no reason I have a better control and am more aware of that now. But I still pull and my hair has become thinner in the last 2 weeks... so this is a continuous issue. I am also not sure exactly why I pull, I think it may be biological (i.e. chemical imbalance, I am pretty sure it's this) but I don't want to take meds. So...I don't know. Maybe coping strategies? I don't have much hope for this, I realize that it's mostly self-cure at this point as doctors don't know what causes it and remedies aren't known. - This leads to a greater issue: my anxiety. I do not have GAD (I don't believe) but I really feel a lot of anxiety in new situations. I also have a learning disability and apparently this contributes to it (one of the symptoms is extreme anxiety in novel situations..lol.) But I tend to feel things really deeply...I tend to overanalyze and that causes stress for me. Like today a small thing at work caused me to set my schedule back for 4 hrs. because I was deliberating how to problem-solve the situation and the emotional effects of it -- I felt really inadequate. - This leads to another point: Feeling of inadequacy. Perhaps because of my perfectionism, but I have a really low self-esteem at times. I used to be overweight. Now I am actually underweight but I still feel like I should be better... I constantly question my abilities, my appearance, my attractiveness, and there's a history for why this is... teasing when I was younger, introversion, my learning disability and prejudice by teachers because of it when I was younger... but always feeling above-average in intelligence at the same time. Then when I was in high school, I was moved to an enriched program and I was *so* confused, I didn't even know I had a learning disability, so my grades were all over the place. I was winning achievement awards at a provincial level and then failing subjects others thought were so easy....but this still strikes me. I still fail assignments and have fortunately learned to deal with it and not get too down on myself... but then I always think: why is this? Is it me, my innate intelligence, or what are the contributing factors? Why do I respond in such a way, etc... - Also, a practical problem: assignments take me forever. I am getting better at this but I can work for days on something and feel like I still don't know anything, I don't have the "true" understanding of something, I haven't come to the core of whatever I am studying. So I keep reading......for hours on end. It's like information overload. I don't sleep for days sometimes or eat. It's really not.. healthy. I hand in assignments months after the duedate because I feel I simply don't have enough information or enough perspective. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not processing the information correctly/analytically enough, BUT I have learned to deal with this better. But starting assignments is still SO difficult. I can stare at the screen for hours not knowing where to start, there's simply so many ideas......it seems so abstract but putting the abstract into a tangible form is so difficult for me. That's what it feels like. These are just some issues that first come to mind... if anyone wants to comment or add something, that would be cool. Otherwise it's just a personal checklist for myself so I am a bit more organized instead of just splurting out my personal history or something lol... Thanks, Lily
  18. The other day I went to my little girl's daycare centre. She is 2.5 and she is taking "playball" classes. They teach the little ones how to balance and handle all kinds of ball related activities. These activities teach them about taking turns, about teamwork, self discipline and lots of other good qualities. Anyway, they were doing a 3 session evaluation of the kids, and the teacher split them up in groups of 5. I was allowed to watch through a nearby window where the kids could not see me. The teacher would show the kids the activity, and then she would ask if anybody wanted to try it first. Being toddlers they all just looked at her, too scared to go first. She would then call on by name to see if they would go first, and my little Alexis with her extroverted personality (trait she got from her dad) goes first. I felt a little indignant after the 3rd or fourth time that they called her to do it first, since it is sometimes a bit difficult, although she always got it right….. Because the other kids had the benefit of watching this activity being done over and over before getting their turn, where she only got to see it once. But she was fine. However, what go to me is a little boy in her group, The teacher told me he's shy, He never made eye contact with anybody, would wonder off all the time, and had to be called back to sit. When called for his turn to do the activity, he would just stand there and no amount of coaxing or pleading would make him take part. The teacher would then loose interest and focus her attention on the next child. One activity was she would roll the ball and the toddler would have to run after it and stop it by placing two hands on it. The teacher rolled the ball, the little boy did not respond, and then she focused on the next child. While they were focused elsewhere, to my amazement I saw the little boy stroll to the ball and do the exercise. Nobody saw. This kept happening with a few exercises. My question: do you guys think he has a disorder of some kind, is he just shy, and will this go away by itself? I felt so sorry for this poor child. Just because he didn't respond as quick as the others, he was really not getting the kind of attention that he needed, instead of loud encouragement, and repetitive insistence, in my opinion he needed quiet loving guidance and gentle encouragement. It was very obvious that he could not focus on the activity at hand, but it was also very obvious that he knew exactly what was going on around him while seeming like he was not paying attention.
  19. Out of curiosity.... you go to a relationship site, put up an ad, and try to meet people. When would be a good time to reveal a disability? Too early, and you look vulnerable to the predator-types or you lose prospective mates who assume the wrong things. Too late and you look like you're hiding things. Any ideas? (not dating yet - but I am wondering about this)
  20. hey people, i am in my teen years, but i am mature and have had sexual intercourse and things related to this. it is all good and well but i am disabled and in a wheelchair. i have a problem called Athrogryposis this means (muscel disformatey) my boyfriend enjoys sex with me but i am starting to feel really down about it all, because he would like to explore new things and i would too, but things tend to go wrong a lot and thereforeeee kills the moment completley. and this is getting me depressed and loss of all self confidence, like when we have sex missionary everything is good and goes well but, on valentines day i went to his and his parents went out and he was kissing me on the couch and asked me up to his room so, yer we went to his room but obviously i cant just run up the stairs, i have to go hands and knees, and he was like removing my clothes ect... but it took a few mins to get up the stairs which made me feel worse, then when we got in his room i sat on his bed with him and it kicked off from there, he wanted me to strip but i can't do tht well so we agreed to make it fun and do each other so he took off my remainin layers, and i atempted to make me takin his off 'fun' if you could call it that, i can't really use my arms and shoulders so everything i done went wrong. he didn't mind but i did, i felt useless and horrible. he then wanted to change position while havin sex and that was a mess too, he ses he dont mind but i cnt take how usless and crap i feel, please help me feel better i'm crying out for help here, i feel sick when i look in the mirror i hate the way i am, how can he love me??? i can't do nothing proper/sexi/good x x
  21. Hi everyone, I'm sot of hoping someone can give me some prespective. I'm a girl with a physical disability, who has always excelled at everything. My life has been great up to this point. Sure, it was hard to accept in the beginning, but eventually I didn't give my disability the chance to limit my dreams. I recently got into my dream university, and everything was perfect. However, this being the first time living away from home, it has been a horrible experience. Getting around campus has been a real challenge, and I often found myself getting stressed and thus, sick. This brought about me missing classes and thus, getting behind. To sum it all, this has been the worst I've ever done in my academic career. In turn, my confidence is shattered, and I find myself wondering why I am even here. My career goals don't seem realistic anymore, because this year's marks are definitely not going to help me get there. I don't know what to do. I feel as if I should just give up. I find myself getting depressed and sort of giving up on things before I even try. Can anyone tell me how to get out of this phase of my life as the person I was once?
  22. Once again, not sure if this is the right section for this post. If not, feel free to move it. I don't post very often, but I feel like in a few places I've mentioned my family situation. I have a father who has multiple sclerosis (ms), he is now at a point where he can no longer walk at all. I have a brother who was diagnosed as high functioning autistic at the age of 5, I was 8 at the time he was diagnosed. My mother is the primary caregiver and breadwinner, so in this period of time where I'm finishing my graduate degree and working full time, I've moved home to try and help them out as much as possible. Admittedly, an added bonus has been no rent, but that's beside the point. I have no qualms about giving them my time, they're very understanding that I have my own life and goals. I think there was a time where I felt a certain amount of jealousy or just the overall feeling that the universe had screwed us, and I don't blame myself for having felt that way in the past. Luckily, I am able to find a sense of pride in helping them now. But in recent days, I have realized something. Following a failed relationship and a question as to why I'm so ready to relinquish authority to others, I have come to realize for a very long time, I have subtly believed that I too am developmentally delayed or will one day be disabled. For the sake of the conversation, I was tested multiple times after my brother was diagnosed with autism and it was determined that I was not. As far as MS goes, I've been told it's not genetic, though I don't claim to really be much of an expert in the subject. But when I think back on my life, I've started to see where part of me believed this. When I was younger and I would struggle with a class or a job, while I didn't make excuses to get out of having to do the work, a part of me simply believed the reason why I had trouble was because I had an undiagnosed delay. On the other end of things, there have been times where I feel I have to do as much as I can before I turn 45 (the age my father was when he was diagnosed) because I will also lose the ability to walk. I want to make one thing absolutely clear. I logically know this is not how disability works. I'm not looking for someone to convince me that I'm not developmentally delayed or that I will develop a disability at some point, I think I'm simply looking to see if anyone out there has ever dealt with this sort of feeling. I've tried multiple google searches on this but I don't think I'm choosing the right keywords. Has anyone else here who has provided caregiving or assistance to a sibling or parent ever dealt with this sort of thing? A subtle but present thought in the back of your head that you share or one day will share the disability? Thank you for your time.
  23. I was licensed in 2005-2006 but because of the divorce and other personal issues I let it drop off. I have a degree in housing studies, thinking of getting back into real estate. My psychiatrist says stick with disability and lay low in life, his nephew is a real estate agent and it's hard work. You don't want to risk losing disability because of the benefits. My therapist says give it a shot you'll only lose your disability if you become successful at it. My mom says stay on disability and get a part time job. To regain my license all I need to do is retake the exam and pass of course, and than complete the continued education courses which is why it dropped off I wasn't in a place I could do the continued ed courses, which are 30 hours of study, and of course get a broker who can hold my license for me. I already paid to take the exam, before I got all this advice. I planned to study for a few weeks and retake the exam. It's not refundable or transferable. Should I give it a shot or not? Whose advice should I listen to because I want to listen to my therapist. My mom is worried about me having another breakdown because things seemed to be going well for me than they suddenly weren't. I wasn't taking my meds I keep telling her, I was stressed financially. And than just started the downward spiral. I honestly don't want to live on disability the rest of my life. I'd rather be more successful and not need it. Sure I'm still working on being stable but that's a life long effort truly. My real concern is the benefits. When you are self-employed what do you do for benefits? I need my meds covered because they are what make it possible for me to work. My meds are about 2K a month without insurance.
  24. Hello, my boyfriend of 5 months has been talking about living together. Is it too early to do that? How long should I wait?
  25. .. I was having a discussion with a family friend I've known since I was young. She is a friend of my grandmother's. She started discussing about me looking into getting disability for myself, it kind of upset me that she would even bring it up. I explained to her that I didn't want to be labelled, like cool free money but if I have the ability to work and enjoy doing so why would I take an easy route. That's just not me.. I don't deny that something is wrong but we all have problems, I'm not losing my marbles it's not impacting me as a person. I would love some therapy just to explain what hell I've been through these last 28 years maybe some medicine to help me focus. I've endured a life worth of abuse and I think that has impacted me more than some "disability" No one understands the impact of being raised by a narcissist if they themselves have never endured it, my grandmother is a different person in public. No one gets to see the real monster she is behind closed doors. So it really struck me when she started discussing things that my grandmother tells me. Ive been thinking about it all day long honestly. The idea that people base me off of what an actual crazy person has told them and then discussing it with me or about me. Then I explained to her the amount of abuse and being held back I've endured she brings up my child's dad saying it was his fault and said let's be real "boys" hold us back. I'm like but I'm not even focused on men at this moment I'm looking to build up so I can get the hell out of this loop I'm stuck in. My family is so damn toxic as is , why would a practical stranger feel the need to discuss my life and what I need to do with it... I feel so judged and hated, yet misunderstood because no one gets to know the person I am. My grandma acts like she's living through me, I can't ever talk on my own or speak up for myself. She tells everyone my business These are all ploys to make herself look like the victim, then to everyone else I look like a spoiled brat but behind closed doors I'm called all types of ,es, fat, lowlife druggie when I don't even do drugs. She doesn't believe I can do anything for myself and ruined it for me the one time I did to prove I needed her. I hate narcissist, I hate the way they destroy people and their families. I'm fed tf up. Everyone treats me the same I can't wait for the day I can leave this state, some people's families aren't good for them and mine is a perfect example of that.
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