neya

Well, the good news is that before I was posting about my ex who turned out to be a truly insane, unfaithful, drug using monster. Who, i also wasted about a year of my life on. But once the truth really hit me I got my phone number changed and moved on and feel wonderful. Here is the new problem. A good friend of mine and I are involved in an organization at school where we tutor hispanic people in english. And we are both fairly fluent in spanish. She has been dating a guy from mexico. I'm about her only friend that can be involved in that side of her life, because he speaks almost no english. I have been hangning out with her and one of his friends, Manuel. Manuel is a really nice guy. He is nice, he always helps people out, and is the type of guy who will treat a girl like a princess. He really likes me, and he told me about it. I told him i didn't know if i was ready for a realtionship quite yet, but I would like to get to know him better. And despite all his good qualities I haven't really been sure If i thought of him as anything more than a friend. Well, last night he finally made a move. We have kind of been dating for about 3 weeks now, but we have never kissed. Last night he walked me back to my car and he kissed me. And I felt nothing. I have only kissed one other person In my life, but that was something I definitely enjoyed. Last night I just wanted him to stop so I could leave. I feel terrible because he is a really nice guy, and he would be a million times better to me than my ex was. My one friend says maybe it's just because he was so nervous and I should give it more time. I'm afraid to do that, though, because if i still feel the same way I will hurt him more. I'm also afriad to say no, it's over, because what if i miss out on a good thing. But if there's no chemistry will it develop? I don't know what to do!

Can i ask what you did? I'm not trying to pry if it's too personal, it's just that i have an ex bf that is saying exact same things that you said in your post. But he did really horribe things to me, so i'm just wondering if the situation is any way similar. I would like to believe a person can change, but it's hard after certain things. Anyway, i'd be really interested in talking to you, and trying to give you any advice if i can. If you don't want to post personal message me.

Last semester ended on a very bad note. I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me, at the same exact time the two girls i thought my best friends stabbed me quite nastily in the back. All of the sudden i felt toally alone. Those three people had been my main focus and while I knew and was well aquainted with others, I had no close relationships. The one girl was my roomate. The situation was so bad I ended up going back home and commuting as i live about 20 minutes away from my school. Being with family helped, unfortunately, I didn't get to meet many people that way. I was crazy enough to give the boyfriend another chance. He had cheated on me with his gf of two years who was at school in NYC. He then decided i was the one and it was a huge mistake and he'd do whatever it took. So i believed him. Over the summer i worked very hard at the relationship. He didn't. He wanted me but he didn't change. He asked me to marry him, luckily i was at least smart enough to say that was completely crazy and i was not getting married at 19. I then found out they still talked. I don't know what else. Maybe he only just talked to her, but the lies are too many and i couldn't stand to live with anohter. We broke up a month ago. He left for grad school, so he's far away. I started back at college. It was surprisingly hard. I was looking forward to being back, but then i was flooded with memories. I don't have a single person i'm close with due the poor end of the previous year. I have lots of people i may say hello, how are you? to, but that's it. I'm trying really hard to cultivate friendships, and at least a appear like a happy confident person so i'm no lying my baggage on everyone, but i don't have a real friend, so it's been hard. I ended up talking to him again. Not on the phone, i refust to let contact get that close, but online. It's strange, because i just tell him everything about how i'm feeling. Normally, it's nothing to do with our relationship, just how alone i feel. He's about the only one i can lay that type of stuff on. He tries to be supportive and say i'll be ok. I'm wonderful, I'll meet someone. But then ther'e sthe time he begs for another chance. I know this is not right. When he just listens it's ok and makes me feel better. but when he starts to beg and plead it all comes back again and that's just a setback. I guess i also talk to him to get answers. How he could have a heart and do the things he did, that drives me crazy. I'm really struggling with how to deal with this. I know logically i'll find someone new, and better, but i was madly in love with him. I don't see me feeling quite like that ever again. Also, i still want answers. What does one do? does it just not matter one day? or is there some way to know. He says now he's sorry, i'm still the one, he'd give up grad school and come back and go to counseling with me, says he's in counseling at school now ect, but i refusue to fall for that. He had his chance, i couldn't live with myself if i let him hurt me again. But i guess a part of me wants to believe he'll learn and be a better person one day. Anyway, how do i cope with this need for answers and turning to him to talk to about school and the issues im having there. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreicates.

I was in a situation fairly similar to yours. I dated a guy for a few months, then found out after starting to see me he'd gotten back together with his ex who was out of state. It was really horrible and really devastating. I felt just like you did, I wanted to know why and I also missed him and still loved him. Unfortunately, he asked for a second chance and i gave it to him. The best thing this guy has done for you is probably refusing to see you or have anything to do with you. I choose with my heart not my head and it was the worst decision of my life. Yes people can change, but the past is a pretty good indicator of the future. I began checking emails and finding out he and the other girl still spoke. I don't know if it was just as friends or not, but the point is he promised me they were done. There ended up being an email exchange between me and her and it got pretty unpleasant. My guy went so far as to write and email as if it were from her and get her to send it to me. The past few weeks of my life have been a nightmare. I know you miss him now, but when you get over this you will be so glad when you meet someone who doesn't lie to you. I spent months of my life trying to work on a very flawed relationship, which is what you'd have if he wanted you back, to have it all fall apart. Trust me you don't want that. I also did a lot of things that were out of character for me, and I'm now ashamed of. But it helps me to think I would have never behaved in that way had he treated me with the respect I deserved. I hope this can help you a little.

I have just broken up with my boyfriend of 8 months. I'm having a really hard time understanding the situation. After recent events i really believe this person is a monster and i can't understand how he could seem so much like a wonderful guy and then turn out this way. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first date, my first love, everything. I fell head over heels in a very short time. This guy is a master manipulator. I'm a fairly insecure person, but not terribly weak, but he just knew exactly how to play me. Having ended the relationship i'm starting to see the full extent of it and it's horrifying. I lost my virginity to this guy, and i he never overtly pressured me into anything. It was all so subtle. But i had many standards and expectations that he subtly made me feel were stupid and i don't know how he did it, but after 6 weeks we were sleeping together. He cheated on me. But he's not just a normal player, at least he doesn't seem to be. He broke up with me, before i found out about the other girl. he wanted to keep me around as a friend, which meant using me still, just not giving me the title of girlfriend. When he got caught he "chose" me. He was so sorry and wanted to work it out. He was never really sorry though. The day i found out i confronted him. At that moment, there was not emotion in him at all. He was almost amused and smug. It was disgusting. When someone hurts you like that you want them to be sorry, so when we all the sudden was and wanted to make it up, i chose to ignore his prior attitude because it was so frightening. Over the summer, while we were trying to work it out, we had a very tough time. I just kept thinking it was because i was having trouble forgiving him. Now i know its that i sensed things weren't quite right. We'd fight and fight mainly it was me upset about things. He'd sit there and pretend to listen and then try and say what i wanted and pretend it never happened. He tried to convince me had changed. Every fight we had he would say, "look how i've changed, look what i've done for you." I was the person who was being selfish and stupid. He manipulated me into believing that every single time. By the end of the summer things were better, as in we weren't fighting, because he had me believing a lot of our problems were my fault and i needed to move on. Then i found out he was still talking to the other girl. I broke up with him instantly when i realized. I found out by viewing his phone record online. There were days when he'd called her 3 times a day. This is a little scary because she wasn't answering. He just kept calling and calling her. But i continued to let him manipulate me. At first i broke up with him and never wanted to talk to him again, and then a week later the situation had become we were broken up but he had me convinced he was willing to change. He offered not leave for grad school and stay and go to counseling with me. I refused this (he knew i'd refuse or he never would have offered) but said i really hoped he'd work on his problems. He said he was going to start therapy, he wanted to be able to show no matter if it took a year or more that i was the one for him. Do you know the lengths he was willing to go to try and make me believe he was gonna change? He supposedly was calling the other girl because he was worried about her. She has some serious emotional problems and is in therapy (i don't know if that's true it all comes from him). But, he calls me up and tells me the other girl contacted him. She wanted to know about me, after their conversation and hearing about me, she realized how much he loved me ect. Hearing this i found it really hard to believe. Then he tells me she offered to call me and say they hadn't been involved over the summer, but it was too hard, so she decided to email me instead. I get an email from her. Saying how he didn't lie about various things. But i had his email password without him knowing it, and i looked in his email. He has a message from her. It was most angry bitter thing i've read. He wrote that email to me from her. He convinced this poor other girl to lie for him to me, in order to help the situation with me, when she lost her relationship with him because of me. But she still did it. I just don't understand what i'm dealing with. How could he do this to her, and how could she do that for him? I got another email from "her" saying he had informed her i'd seen his email acct, so that must have taken the significance of her email away. She said she couldn't write it, it was too hard for her, so he did it and she sent it. Yet i know this email was a lie, because i have a message from her yelling at him for it. In this email "she" said that this guy never wanted to marry her, or have her move with him, these were all thigns she assumed. Well in her email to him it revealed to me this was a lie. She angrily told him, "i sent the email to her even though it's a lie, you did want to marry me and have me move with you, you said it yourself" Also, in the second email from her she revealed something else, she's been in bed crying since she found out we were still together. The two of them have been talking all summer. She knew when we got back togehter because of an email i send her, back in may. So this guy has been fooling her all summer. This girl just found out he was still with me, and still was able to manipulate her to lie to me for him. I"m just so sickened by all this. I've realized so many things. Just so many little lies, and disturbing instances in his behavior i tried to ignore. He really displays so many very disturbing traits. In ways he fits the profile of a sociopath almost perfectly. I also think he's a pathological liar. He's defiantely a person who could pass a lie detector test. I just makes me sick. I'm so glad i finally saw it all. Had i believed this email from her, i would have been thinking, oh wow, he was telling the truth to me all that time, too bad i doubted him. Just how do i cope with this. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so confused. He's a horrible person, who is willing to go to any lengths to get what he wants. He obviously was never "worried" about her. God knows why he was calling her 3 times a day but that's not the reason, not if he could convince her to do that email. Also, he's such a good actor. He took me out to dinner, to say a final goodbye, and cried at the table thinking about our first date. He knew the exact way to play me. He knew the way to get a second chance was to seem like he wanted to change so much, yet he never had any intention of this. When i initially discovered his cheating months ago, and he wanted another chance, one of the "sacrifices" he'd make was to change grad schools. He's going out of state but he had also been accepted to a school only 40 minutes away. He supposedly met with his advisor about changing schools. The closer school was not as good or highly ranked, but i was supposedly more important than what school he went to. Well, since had a stipend and what not, it was too late to change. Ive since discovered he never met with the advisor, but went out to luch with her. I'm just horrified by the lengths he was willing to go, the way he was able to lie, the ease with which he did it, his lack or remorse or guilt at anything. It's like he feels nothing. Yet I have a 3 page email from him listing all the ways in which i'm wonderful and how life will never be the same without me. What type of person is this? And how could the other girl do this. I know with out a doubt i'm beter off without him, but i'm just so horrified at what i failed to see for 8 months. It's driving me crazy, i can't sleep, i'm a mess whenever hte phone rings or i get a text message, because i told him to stop calling or sending messages, but he can't resist a little message here and there. I'm actually a little afraid of him realizing certain things. I think he has the capability to harm someone if he felt he had to. It's just that i have no proof, but i'm fairly certain he could be dangerous. I don't think he will ever do something to me, but i also don't think he's ever going to fully leave me alone. I was so trusting and naive. There were warning signs but hindsigh is 20/20. Even when i ended it though, i never imagined him to be capable of something like that email. How do i understand this? or what do i do to just stop trying to understand it? I mean, people treat other people badly, and people lie and cheat, but i've just never come accross anything like this anywhere but in a soap opera. It's so sick and i'm so confused. I know this is long, and i probably lost anyone who reads the whole thing, I would just appreciate input, especially because i haven't gotten many replies in the past. Thanks.

I at one point found myself in a situation similar to yours. I did not know i was the "other woman" as you do, but i was dating a guy who was in a long term relationship with a girl at grad school. He found me attractive and exciting. Told me how "irresistible i was." I felt he was perfect for me. After a short time i loved him desparately and would have done anything for him. He and i broke up, and i still didn't know i was the other woman. I had broken it off with him after hearing some rumors. Then i decided i was wrong and tried to win him back. He said no because he'd be graduating and leaving soon. My situation involves a lot more deception than yours does, but this guy used me the same way you're being used. After breaking up with me there would be short spells where it was as if nothing had changed. He was sweet and attentive. It wasn't all just physical either. I decided if he couldn't let me be his girlfriend there would be not physical connection. Still he begged me to keep talking to him and be his friend the same way this guy is talking to you. He wanted to be able and call me if he needed to and whenever he needed to. I know it's hard for you to see but it's best to get away now. You're already very emotionally involved, but don't let it go deeper, even if you don't think its possible, trust me it is. He is being selfish. You are miserable, you miss him, but yet he won't be with you. Also, he expects you to be there as his friend. As much as you love him you need to see how unfair this is to you. In ending my relationship one of the biggest problems i had was i couldn't seem to be angry at his guy. No matter what he did i still loved him so much i couldn't hold anything against him. But this is something you need to do. He is not being fair to you in anyway. If he truly loved you he would put you before himself. He would let you go and not ask anything more of you. By his actions he is hurting you, and he is aslo holding you back from moving on and finding hapiness. Because he obviously does not love you enough to give you that chance you need to find it in yourself to be angry at the way he is treating you and take that chance for yourself. No matter how scared and weak you feel you do have it in you. Another thing to think of. I don't mean to bash, but you do need to consider his actions and how they are affecting his family. Cheating is the ultimate form of selfishness. The guy i was involved with, his other gf found out by an email i sent to him. She then emailed me and all was revealed. Now, i was devasted at the lies. You aren't facing that, but think of his wife. My exes other gf is now so destraught she's in therapy and near suicidal. She's convinced her life is over. She still hasn't let go of him despite the fact he's lied and lied and turned her life upside down. No one deserves that, espeically not this guys wife and kids. If he's capable of putting his wife in kids in a position like that, he's capable of doing it to anyone. You need to get angry at his selfishness and realize you deserve more.

My boyfriend of 8 months and I just broke up about two weeks ago. I posted before our entire story, because despite the hell he put me through i wasn't certain. This is the short version of what he did for those who don't know, since the last post was incredibly long. I realize this post is really long too, but it has to be in order to properly describe the utter insanity of my life the last 2 weeks since we've broken up. If you have time please read this whole story, about a completely sick person. I met my bf my first semester of college. He was my first boyfriend and I was naive. I let myself fall in love very quickly. I didn't find out until much later that over Christmas break, 6 weeks after we'd started dating, he got back together with his ex gf who was at grad school in NYC. He and I broke up for several reasons in march, mainly he said it was because he was graduating. I fought his decision. At one point i sent him an email. She had his email password, and found out. She and I spoke once, then emailed back and forth several times. After all was said and done this guy came back to me, begging for another chance. The time at which he did so was a thursday that she came home, (she lives right by our college) and was there the whole weekend. Well by saturday I'd made the choice to give him another chance. Then the following week she sends me an email saying when she was home this guy was still saying all he dreamed of was their future, he wanted to marry her, he wanted her to move with him when he went to grad school. Well, I found out he'd seen her and not told me about it. He admitted to seeing her yes, but he said she was doing this to hurt me. To her I was the other woman and then he chose me. He saw her to explain things and now she was angry and wanted to hurt me. Anyway, i continued to give him chances. We spent this summer together, but i still had my doubts. I managed to see his phone bill online and see he had very frequently been calling her in the begging of the summer, lesser recently Ok, now for what he's done since our break up: So, my decision, though at first seemed hard now seems pretty obvious to me. I broke up with him. But, i guess i always had so much faith in this guy. And he's so good and manipulating things, he seemed so sorry, and his angle was that he knew how wrong he'd been, he was sorry. The lies he told he realized now hurt people more than the truth, but he had always felt that the truth would hurt people more. So he knew the errors of his ways ect, was going to get therapy, really wanted to change. Said i was the love of his life, he wanted to marry me, he'd never felt that for or said that to anyone else. He and i continued to talk. I really believed this bs. I hoped in a years time he really would have changed. Something happened yesterday to absolutely horrify and sicken me. I think the guy i fell in love with may be crazy, more than just a jerk. He called the other night, to say he'd talked to the other girl. Now his reason for continuing to talk to her behind my back was she has emotional issues and he was so worried about her ect. So now he said he wouldn't call her, but if she called he'd tell me all about it. Well, he had this whole conversation with her about me, that part of me was telling myself he made up. Supposedly she wanted to know how the two of us were different and why he'd chosen me. She realized how much he really loved me and the sacrifices he would make for me. Supposedly she even offered to call and say how they hadn't seen each other this summer. He told her calling wouldn't be a good idea. When he got to this point of the story, i said "why didn't you have her call me, if she offered to, why not get things cleared up?' I then said i feeared all of this conversation was a lie. He got so upset, he cried about how he was really telling the truth and i didn't believe him and he felt so horrible about himself. He said he'd ask her to call me. He called to tell me she didn't want to talk to me but would send me and email. Something about this email i got from her didn't ring true. I had his email password, i looked at his email acct. He had an email from her. She emailed him saying how she'd send the letter he'd written to me. She hated him for making her do it. Honesty didnt matter to him obviously as the whole thing was a lie, and he had asked her to marry him and move with him. Well this devasted me, but i quickly decided to tell him what i knew and cut all ties. So did through text messaging. I now have another email from "her." This says she didn't write the first one because it was too hard, so he did it for her and she sent. Now i believe this one is actually from her, but he told her what to write. There's a line in the email that she just recently found out we were still seeing each other and has spent every day in bed crying since. Now, I know what this guy did is probably like wow, what a jerk, just get away. But i'm actually scared of him. Just realizing how far he's willing to go, seeing what he would to do her when he supposedly is so worried about her problems, to manipulate me is disgusting, but it also gave me a lot of cause to really think. All through our relationship there are things, just subtle details, and instincts that I tried to ignore. I loved him, i didn't want him to be a bad person. I could waste much more of your time going through all these details, but that's not necessary. Just that now I see there's something missing from him. I guess you'd say his consience. He's one of those peopel who's generally well liked but also seems to have no close friends. He seems oddly distant to his very nice parents. I've never seen him show warmth to an animal. Though he insists he likes my younger siblings, i always go the distinct feeling he hated them, although he never showed any outward signs. The day I foudn out about him cheating, i confronted him. I don't think i ever felt more sickened by a human in my life in that moment. There was something terrifying about him. THere was no sorrow, or remosre, almost amusement about him. Afterwards he was all sorrow and regret asking for me back, but not at that initial moment. There also little things he's said to me. Talking to my mom and another friend that knows him, he was probably one of those children who tortured animals. Everything he ever told me was a lie. He said he would try and change grad schools and stay close. He apparently met with his advisor, but said it wasn't possible. Now i realize it was the weekend she was home and that they went out the lunch. I know this is long. Sorry about that. I'm just so sickened buy this guy. I'm also scared, I Don't really know what he's capable of. He can hide his anger well, but there are two times he got very angry at me, and i was frightened. The second time he went as far as the grab my arms very tightly. Also, before this happened the other day. We went out one more time to say goodbye to each other. He ended up surprising me and taking me to all these places. At dinner he started to cry at the table thinking about what he'd done. I realize this was all an act. But how can someone be such a good actor? I'm so completely horrified by him. He gave me such a beautiful day, and i believe it was so he could have sex with me one more time, which i was dumb enought to do. I just can't believe the lengths he could go to. Had i not seen her email to him, while he was at school the next year he would have frequently called me, spouting off the same garbage about me being the one, about missing me so much, and about really trying to change. To me he's acted completely devastated about our break up, but i'm quite sure now that no one who knows him has noticed a change. I'm sure his family couldn't tell there was anything wrong with him. He's sent me some texts i haven't responded to, but he goes on about how he hates himself. I'm sure hre feels nothing. Sorry, i'm just rambling now. There's so many other little things i could point out that now sicken me. I'm sure that one weekend he was with her begging her to consider marrying him, while at the same time saying he wanted me back. He actually at one point asked me to marry him. Thank god i was smart enough to say no. THis person has just done such awful things and I'm not sure how to cope with the fact I loved such a sick person for so long. Please, any advice will be much appreciated.

I was dating someone for about 8 months. I ended the relationship about 2 weeks ago. It wasn't the healthiest relationship. The guy cheated on me, and we were trying to work it out. He wanted to get much more serious but I just knew that he didn't have it in him to fully deal with the problems he had created in our relationship. I am completely sure of my decision and there is no question of me going back even though he's really desperate for another chance. The thing is he had another chance and didn't fufill all he promised. I'm not sure what to do about our relationship in the future though. I have made it really clear to him that under no circumstances do I want to go back to what we had. He is leaving soon to go to far away to grad school and is having a really hard time. Through his actions of the past months he's pushed away a lot of important people in his life. And he really has no one to talk to. When he leaves for school he's agreed with me he will start conseling. But he says, he would really like to be able to talk to me sometimes. I know that as a rule most people say when you break up it's best to have a clean break. But in this case is it wrong to still talk? I don't mean everyday, just an occasional conversation. I know i'm not changing my decision, and he'll be to far away to ever see. Yes I do miss him, but I know i'm going to be ok. He did some really bad things to me, but I do believe he's not a bad person. He made a lot of mistakes and he needs help, but I can't provide it anymore. But, I'd like to be around to see if he can overcome his problems and hopefully one day meet someone and make them really happy. I'd like to know something came of our experience. While talking to him makes me sad for what could've been, is this going to hold me back from moving on when i feel the ways i've just described? I also don't want to hold him back, though. So many people just say there's no way except for a clean break, I'm just trying to figure out if that's true in all cases.

I met my first boyfriend my first semester of college. The minute I saw him I just knew he was a person I wanted to know. I'd never dated in high school, because I'd always focused so much on school, and was very shy. I just felt comfortable around him. We started dating near thanksgiving. By dec. 3rd we said we were official boyfriend/girlfriend. We only live about 40 mins apart, so I didn't think winter break would present a problem. Well he was kinda distant at first, for the first 3 weeks of break he was really busy, and we rarely saw each other. He went to NYC to visit some friends. He came back and things were different. He was at my house every day. I never questioned why he never took me to his house to meet his family, because he was so willing to come see me. The semester started and things became a little shaky. He started wanting to hang out with friends more. We still saw each other, but i started to feel not as important to him. Then I heard the rumors. He was telling people I wasn't his gf. So I confronted him, he denied them, but I still broke up with him. I was so devastated though. And he begged for another chance, saying they weren't true, and he was really gonna miss me. A few days later, I caved. I said I didn't believe the rumors and wanted to work it out. He said, he thought this was probably best for now, because he was graduating and going far away to grad school, so this was best. I spent a month of my life desperate for him to change his mind. Then i got an email from a girl in nyc, saying she was or at least thought she was bill's gf. She had found out about me (i later found out it was through and email i sent him) and confronted him. He denied everything, but she didn't believe him. So, I emailed her back, saying she needed to speak with me. We talked and I told her everything. I found out how she lived right by us, but was going to grad schoo in NYC. They had taken a "break" but when she got home for christmas break they got back together. He came to see her on christmas break and also on spring break. I can't remember if she said it on the phone that day, but in one of her emails to me she mentioned that he'd asked her to move to his grad school with him, and talked about marriage. He came crawling back to me, and not to her, or so i thought. Saying he's made a terrible mistake, he just had been with her for so much longer he got really confused, and was afraid to give that up for something new and uncertain, but now he knew I was the one he wanted. He said all the things he would change. He would do anything, work as long as he had to to earn back my trust. He'd make me number one in his life. Make sure I knew his family and friends, and he'd always put me first. I took the chance. Since the end of april we've been trying to work it out. Things were so bad at first, because i was still in so much pain. We fought a lot. Little issues blew up because of the trauma of him cheating. He started getting really frustrated that I wouldn't grant more trust. I made it clear it had to be completley over with her. No talking or anything, I could stand that. He promised me they didn't even speak. We'd get into arguments because i'd question if she's tried to contact him. He told me i was being paranoid and would make me feel bad sometimes. Other times though, things were great. He introduced me to his family, and they were wonderful to me. He put me before his friends, and spend all his time with me. Not that we both gave up our friends, but he never just left me to go out to a bar or something. He included me with his friends in a lot of stuff. He told me in the middle of june he wanted to marry me. I said i was too young and we were to uncertain but he said he always feel that way and he'd wait til i was ready. Then things started to get better. I thought it was because I had really strated to forgive. The last 2 weeks of our relationship were just incredible. Then I saw on his cell phone she had called. It was just one call, but he hadn't told me. I hated myself for it, but i did quite a bit of snooping and saw his online phone bill. He'd been calling her all the time. In may there were days he called her three times a day. Most of them were calls that he just left a message. Sometimes there were calls after we'd spent an incredible day togehter and then he'd gone and called her i guess. It appears they only talked about once a week, but he still called her so much. In may he called at least once almost every day. In june the calls slackened off, but I don't know if she began calling him more. This was monday i discovered it and confronted him. He had gotten a job near my house, and always came over for lunch. When he got there I showed him my info. He got so mad at me, he screamed and yelled, and stormed out. Then he came back wanting to talk. His story is, they were together for over 2 yrs, he did not love her and want to be with her like he felt for me, but that they'd been best friends. She knew him better than anyone. He talked to her because he had trouble dealing with the situation. He had a lot of problems with it, but didn't want to talk to me because he didn't want to upset me. Unfortunatley, i wanted to talk about it with him and know his feelings, but he never told me. Also, he said he was worried about her. She wasn't a stable person. She had been in therapy and on medication before she found out about him cheating, and he was scared she wouldn't finish grad school, or her internship. He promises me that since she's been home from NYC he hasn't seen her. She wanted to go to the movies once but he said no. He begged me to believe him. He called me monday night hysterical. He said he'd back out of going to georgia tech even though he'd get in troubel for breaking the contract. He said he didn't care, he'd stay here with me. He never had bad intentions and it was only talking. That they'd actually been talking less and less and soon probably not at all. I said if i talked to her i'd probably find out that he still wanted her back and was telling her he wanted to marry her just like he was telling me. He said she coudn't handle it if i just called her up. But, he said he would talk to her and see if she could handle talking to me. I told him it wouldn't change my decision, that we were over. He said he still wanted me to know the truth. But this is the part i'm really struggling with. If she calls me, can i really believe her. If she's taken all this from so far, would she lie to me for him? also, maybe he's only saying he'll talk to her to manipulate me, and then just plans on saying she can't handle it. But i really want to believe him. Things are over, but i guess i still have this hope it wasn't all a lie, that he really was just talking. That's wrong because he did it behind my back, but i hope it's just that. I also am hoping it's only that, because i really hope he's not a total monster. He's just made some terrible deicisions and been really selfish, but that he does care about me. And if he cares about what he lost then he'll get help. I'd really like to think if i met him in a year he would't do this. I also hope he changes for the sake of anyone else that meets him. Also, is it is wrong to think after some time has gone by, i can call him when he's in atlanta to see how things are? He agreed to leave me alone, so i can get over this. At first he was calling me incessantly, but i begged him to stop, saying if he cared he'd stop making this hard. So he stopped, but he asked me two things. I told him i felt i really didn't know him that well. He asked me to consider writing him an email, explaining why i feel that way and what could have made me know him better. He said he just wanted to see, if i didn't want a response he would give one. He also told me he's really scared of going to atlanta and facing it, especially without having me. He asked me to call him if i wanted, after he's been there and i've had some time. Is that stupid? also, is it stupid to think he could get help in change? I just need someone to tell me i've done the right thing by ending it, because i still love him so much, and i also need someone to tell me if they think he can change or am i just completely crazy, and also what they think about talking in the future. I had so many hopes for us and a part of me still wants them to come true. So, if anyone can give me some advice, and if they read all this long story, thank you very much.