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ratherbesailing

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Everything posted by ratherbesailing

  1. ratherbesailing
    Octopus - I know you are hurt that he broke up with you but it sounds like he's been honest and hasn't been mean about it. I assume that you are trying to get him to change his mind and stay with you since you are in the getting back together section of the forum so I don't think playing games with him is a good idea. That won't endear him to you. Just be honest. Tell him you aren't sure what to do so you think it might be better if you didn't come home this weekend and that you are thinking of moving out sooner rather than later. Tell him you'll try to talk to him the next weekend about when you should move and let him ponder that for another week and wait to see how he responds. Try not to get your hopes up. Trust me, I know how hard it is to love someone who has decided that they aren't in love with you.
  2. ratherbesailing
    Meeky - Run!
  3. ratherbesailing
    Toolate - I'm not sure there is anything you can do except decide how long you are willing to put your own life on hold for him with no commitment. I'd suggest you just set a date, maybe three months from now, and if he hasn't moved back and he hasn't invited you to move down there(or you don't want to go if he has), then I think you are just going to have to move on. Stick to the date, don't let this drag on. Please don't get your hopes up, he's made it clear that he doesn't want to put your life on hold and that probably means he has no intention of putting his life on hold while he's down South. It sounds like he's been pretty honest with you that he doesn't see a future for himself in Boston and you don't mention anything about him urging you to move South with him. As much as this will hurt, I'd have to assume he doesn't see a future with you either. On the flip side, he has exhibited some pretty controlling behavior. It sounds like you've stood up to him when he does this, but it isn't a good sign for someone that you want to have a longterm relationship with. Are you sure you don't want to take this opportunity to find someone else who would treat you more fairly?
  4. ratherbesailing
    Good luck, I wish you well in your future relationships
  5. ratherbesailing
    I new a girl in college who's hair was about 25% grey. I thought she looked kind of hot.
  6. ratherbesailing
    Taffy - Good luck today. I wish I could say that I've never shown up on the wrong day for an appointment but I have.
  7. ratherbesailing
    Coffin - If you read a bunch of posts on this site you will see a pretty clear message that you have to have no contact with your ex in order to start healing. It is going to hurt for a while no matter what you do but if you've got him living at your place and you keep talking to him you are going to hurt for a long long time. This guy isn't good for you, take control, kick him out and don't accept any calls from him. By all means get some counseling. You will soon realize that this guy really has nothing meaningful and that you are the one that was too good for him.
  8. ratherbesailing
    Lizzy - Good girl, I'm proud of you.
  9. ratherbesailing
    Don't worry so much. He's a guy and we really don't need to talk anyhow. Just try to plan something that you both will be actively involved with. Don't go to a movie, that's like be alone together. Bowling would be great if it isn't too corny for you. With something like that you at least have the score and silly things that happen to talk about. Something active. Afterwards back to your house to do something you both need to participate in like a board game or maybe plan something you can cook together. Good luck
  10. ratherbesailing
    Sparkler - Are you sure you mean forgive? Forgive is for things someone has done to hurt you and he hasn't done anything like that. I'm guessing what you are really asking is how do I look beyond some things he has done in his past that you don't agree with. And maybe another question you have is how do you become comfortable with the fact that your boyfriend has more experience than you? Those are both legitimate questions. My girlfriend did something in her past, long before me, that I strongly disapprove of and I admit it is always kind of lurking out there in the back of my mind. I may always wish it hadn't happened but I can't change it and the only time I've ever talked about it was to let her know that I knew that it happened. I may have passed judgement in my mind but I have never criticised her for it. She's made it clear to me that she regrets what she did so she doesn't need me calling her on it. So how do you get over it? You just have to weigh what you get on a scale. Would you want to give him up for what he did in his past even though he has grown beyond such things? Or would you rather give him the boot because of his past and find someone either without such transgressions or someone who isn't as honest so you don't know about them? Just decide you've got a keeper. As the time goes by the transgressions of his past will become less and less important. You can't keep criticising him for past events. Sooner or later he's going to decide that he'd rather have someone who doesn't make him feel guilty for his past and accepts him for what he is, then you will be the one who loses. Let him know that the problem is really yours, not his, and that you are sorry that he ever felt he had to appologize. Tell him you know he is a good person.
  11. ratherbesailing
    Dako - Go to the personals on link removed and check out the singles within 25 miles of your town. I think you'll be surprised. Read the personals in the paper. Baby steps. I wish they wouldn't wreck our lives. There aught to be some easy way for them to leave their marriages without screwing up our lives so much in the process.
  12. ratherbesailing
    Hey Dako - I was with my ex-wife for 20 years (including the dating part). When we got divorced I had no idea how to date and it was scary as heck. I kept going to the parties solo and felt just like you. My first date was a blind date set up by a friend. There I am waiting in the lobby of the restaurant for someone who I had no idea what she even looked like. I was scared to death. Turns out she was scared to. As long as you are interested in Isabella Rosellini you aren't dead yet. In fact, even in your self loathing state, you are a valuable commodity and you don't even know it. I never tell anyone but I'll share it with you. I answered a few personal ads in the paper (before on-line dating got big) just to find out what a date was all about now a days. I'm glad I did. It was scary but fun, kind of like riding a roller coaster. I met a few nice women, only one that I was really interested in and she was the only one that I even kissed, but they were all very interesting experiences and made me feel good about myself while I got my feet a little wet. Go get your feet wet! You don't have to fall in love or be involved with them sexually, just meet some women and talk to them. Baby steps.
  13. ratherbesailing
    After my mom passed away my dad started communicating with his old flame from high school. My dad is in his 70's. She even came up from another state with her husband and he showed them around his area. They write letters on occasion and every once in a while my dad writes something stupid and she doesn't respond for months but eventually he'll get another letter like nothing had happened. It seems to work for them. I have an old crush from high school that lives locally. I love bumping into her but out of respect for her husband and my girlfriend I don't initiate any contact and I still feel guilty. On the other hand, I have a female friend that I never had romantic interest in that I stay in contact with even though my girlfriend would rather I didn't and I don't feel guilty about that at all. If it seems like I am working toward a point, I'm not so sure that I am but here's my logic. If my old high school crush and I were single at the same time I'd be interested, so in that case, I'd feel too guilty to keep in deliberate contact. It would just seem disrespectful to my girlfriend and to her husband and I wouldn't want my girlfriend to do that to me. The friend who has always just been a friend, will always be a friend and I believe my girlfriend has to accept that. If she had a close male friend that she hadn't been involved with, I would probably rather she didn't keep in contact, but I would accept it. As a fellow conservative Christian we have to live by the do unto others as you would have them do unto you code. What exactly are your feelings for your ex and would you want your wife to be in contact with one of her ex's that she was involved with for three years? I would guess that the answer to those questions will locate the source of the guilty feelings.
  14. ratherbesailing
    sukerbut - I'll bet deep down inside she really doesn't know why her feelings for you changed. What she gives you for reasons now may have nothing to do with what really happened. The bottom line is that she clearly seems to have moved on and we can't have you driving yourself nuts trying to figure out why. You need to stop talking to her and asking her what happened. It is going to hurt for some time but the sooner you break contact, the sooner you will start to heal.
  15. ratherbesailing
    ladybuggirl - I have a friend in your exact situation. She's been trying to keep the marriage together but it isn't working. She just doesn't trust him anymore.
  16. ratherbesailing
    Confused - Maybe your dad is heartless and immature. Maybe your dad was just reacting in the heat of the argument and doesn't really mean what he said. Maybe he feels like you expect he's going to put her out just because you don't want her there. What he said was mean but the only answer is going to be to talk to him when the gf isn't around. Tell him that you don't expect him to kick her out but that you are upset about how she talks about your mom and that it needs to stop. It isn't going to be easy but the three of you need to work things out if you are going to live together. I wish she was someone you liked but you can't pick his girlfriends anymore than you would want him to pick your boyfriends. Don't let the problem get any bigger, talk to him and if that doesn't work you are going to have to confront her and let her know that you aren't going to tolerate her speaking badly about your mother. Good luck, I hope someday you and she get along better.
  17. ratherbesailing
    Fender - Find another girl, this one's not into you. Forget about her cash (nothing comes without strings) and your pills. Anyway I could talk you into not using drugs?
  18. ratherbesailing
    Kile - If only it were so simple to actually be able to switch off the available for love button. Somewhere out there right now there is a terrific girl that's making her way through the curves and bumps that life gives her and you two will run head on into each other and you aren't going to have any choice brother, your heart will fall in love again whether you want it to or not.
  19. ratherbesailing
    Hi Taffy - Anxiety and depression are hard to live with because our minds see danger in places where there isn't any but it seems so real. I think you already know that there is nothing to fear in going to your session today, perhaps you could just keep repeating that to yourself. If you like decaf coffee or tea bring one with you and focus on the smell and taste while you are on your way and waiting. Stay away from all caffeine at anytime of day or night. Caffeine is like a trigger for anxiety, especially if you aren't sleeping. If you have a walkman, listen to some classical music in the waiting room. Try to get there no more than 5 minutes early so you aren't sitting around for a long time waiting. Make sure you are excersizing, that helps get the chemicals out of your body that the anxiety releases. Good luck today.
  20. ratherbesailing
    Sorry Kile, we all screw up in our relationships at times and it is very frustrating trying to maintain a relationship long distance. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you will get another shot. If not with her, then someone else will eventually catch your interest whether you are looking or not. Good luck
  21. ratherbesailing
    Yep, absolutely let a friend pick it up for you. Sorry your relationship didn't work out but I'm sure you are destined for bigger and better things. Good luck.
  22. ratherbesailing
    Sam - She wants you, call her today if you want but waiting till tomorrow might be a little more cool. Just don't wait more than a couple of days or she won't believe you are interested.
  23. ratherbesailing
    Rippedapart - I wanted desparately to keep my marriage together when my ex finally admitted to having an affair but she was a real mess and her head was somewhere else. She wasn't thinking of the kids or the commitment of marriage. She was gone and didn't even resemble the girl I thought I married years ago. Maybe if I had given her a year or two to figure herself out we could have reconnected but when I realized I was the only one who cared about the marriage I found I needed to get out and move on and give what was left of my energy to my sons. My parents weren't divorced but I hate the word divorce, I hate the thought of my kids growing up in that situation, I hate the whole idea of it and I'm uncertain how god considers my situation. I never thought I'd end up divorced but one person can't keep a marriage together by themselves, at least I couldn't.
  24. ratherbesailing
    Amore - I'm sorry that he broke up with you. If it isn't working out, try not to cling to the hope that it will. I still think he's too immature for the type of relationship that you want to have. We all know it isn't easy, hang in there.
  25. ratherbesailing
    Charlotte - I still think you should talk to your friend's mom about all of it, just keep her in the loop even if nothing is done right away. I'm sorry your mom isn't treating you fairly. I hope it all works out for you.
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