ratherbesailing

Hi Renaissance - First of all, short is sexy, forget what your mom says. As far as the friends boyfriend's cold phone call, some people get a little weird when they feel guilty about their own actions. My ex was always nastiest when she knew inside she was wrong about something. I've got to doubt that it is anything to do with you as a person, he just doesn't want to share your friend for the trip, he feels guilty and you're taking the brunt of it. You mention having trouble socializing in a crowd, join the club, it is a big one. I feel comfortable in small groups but put me in a crowd and I feel like a fish out of water, completely lost, even if some of them are good friends. You are obviously a good caring person and you will have new friends and lovers. If you have had an abortion and a breakup and your best friend is splitting town you have too much to deal with on your own, anyone would sink. You should probably consider some counseling and maybe even medication for a short period if this goes on for a long time. Get some outside help and you'll be fine.

Boricua - I'm 45 and I still remember what that felt like, especially saying goodbye on Sundays when we were together. It did feel like my heart was being torn from my chest. We were about 2 hours away from each other. I'd have to say give it some more time before you consider the transfer. It is good that you develop your own personal identities and although I can understand how 45 minutes seems like a long way for you now, it will get easier as you adapt more at school. Try to enjoy your time a school and do join some clubs and explore your interests, something hind sight tells me I should have done more of. Once you are out in the working world, there is precious little time for those activities. You have the rest of your lives to be together, enjoy a little space for now. I know I wouldn't have understood that when I was in school but I sure do now. Good luck

I don't mean to be too hard but I think that if you jump from one relationship to another you are always going to have problems and hurt the people you love in the process. If your marriage is that unbearable why do you think you waited until this other love was available to realize the problems and talk about divorce, especially when you have a son? Cheaters love to rewrite the history of their marriages so that they aren't the villians. If you wouldn't be willing to leave to be alone but need the excuse of leaving for a true love, I think you are going to end up hurting everyone around you including yourself. It doesn't sound like you are giving 100% to your family and marriage, you may be more responsible for the quality of your marriage than you think and your are liable to repeat those mistakes if you don't examine them now and you will most likely alienate your son at the same time. You will soon find out that a teenage son isn't going to understand. He's going to feel that you've left him and hurt his mother.

Hi shouse - When I ended up single at 38 I had two kids of my own and when I started dating I found I had nothing in common with women who didn't have kids. Two of my checklist items for a new girlfriend were someone who has kids and someone who knows what a bad relationship is so she could recognize a good one. The right guy will find you.

Igirl - You've got to read this book: Letting Go: A 12-Week Personal Action Program to Overcome a Broken Heart (Mass Market Paperback) by Tracy Cabot. You can get it on Amazon or the book store. You will soon realize that he was slime and that you deserve much better. You won't need revenge anyhow, he'll blow the new relationship to bits eventually without any help from you. Mean people don't change. I know it is hard now but it gets better. If you've gone through 6 months of it already you'll break through the other end soon. You aren't alone. There are enough mean people out there that millions of us have gone through beytral. You may not trust the same way or so completely again but perhaps we shouldn't. You'll have a better idea what to look for and stay away from next time.

Dani - He could also be trying to avoid a conflict with the ex for good reason. 5 months is a long time for you to have to wait since I'm sure you sincerely want to meet his son. How about a compromise where you and he arrange to bump into each other at the grocery store or something when his son is with him so you can at least say a quick hello, even if you aren't formally introduced as dad's new friend. My kids were a little older when my wife left (11 and 14). I waited a few months to start dating but after that my boys would answer the phone when women called and they never asked me who the call was from or why they were calling. I doubt his 5 year old son is going to start asking a bunch of questions if you meet him quickly somewhere. I hope it is all out in the open for you soon. You sound like you'd be a good friend to his son and one advantage divorced kids have is that they grow up to be more flexible because they do experience more change. Just a warning, when I started dating the woman I've been with for a few years now, her daughter could be quite nasty at times. Usually she would direct it at her mom when I was around but some of it would flow my way. 5 year olds are pretty adaptable and accepting but you might get a cold reaction from him in the beginning, just be patient.

Is he still co-habitating with his ex or has he out on his own for the few months of the separation? If he's been living with her through the "separation" then run away fast. If not, then he needs sex badly. Understand that before he gets there. It is natural way to recover. Have fun helping him. We may say we're not ready for a long term relationship but who really has any control over that? You need to guard you heart for a while but if you really like him and he's going out of his way to travel to you then have a good time until you guys figure the relationship out. Don't ask about long term again for a while. He won't be prepared to answer for a while and you'll just create a problem where one doesn't exist yet. I was on the rebound from a longer relationship and I started dating someone that I was interested in but thought it would only last a short time. I wasn't ready for long term either but we've been together for seven years now. Good luck.

Cityhunter, tough situation, you obviously want to be with this woman and it sounds like she's torn with her parents pushing her. Don't propose when under all this pressure, you'll regret it later. If you want her then take this cross country move away from her parents as an opportunity and move out near her school and keep her there away from her parents after she graduates. You two will love the freedom and can really get to know each other. Good luck.

I'd say wait a little while. If you are both college bound to different schools after high school and you both want to express that commitment while you are apart then I'd say talk about it and do it after graduation. Make sure you both agree, I don't think it should be a surprise so no one feels trapped. Good luck.

Luke, you'd be better off starting from scratch with someone else, this one doesn't know what she wants. If you can't do that, and she really wants to come back, tell her you love her and you want her to be happy so she needs to live/be alone or with her parents for a good couple of months to get her head straight without you or the ex. She's got to figure herself out before she can break this cycle. She needs to learn that she can survive without either of you before she can make a real commitment to what she wants. You can talk to her but no sex and no living together until her head's on straight and you know she's clean of the ex. Good luck

Brahman, I feel for you. My girlfriend is 50 and her friends still tell her not to move in without the ring. You can't blame her, she's been trained to think that way. Just explain to her that you don't doubt your commitment or hers but that you aren't as perfect as she thinks you are now and you want to make sure she's happy and can live comfortably with you with all your faults and quirks. Make sure she understands it is her feelings you are worried about, not just your own. Be compasionate but firm, women say they like a take charge kind of guy. There's no rush, tell her you want her to grow to know you, seven months isn't enough. Your love is great but it takes more than just love to make a happy marriage. I'll bet most divorced people were in love and probably still are. Having the same interests is great to but what I've found is most important is to find someone honest with integrity. Make sure she's not selfish and cares as much about your feelings as you do about her's. Someone like that will understand waiting. Make sure she's got a lid on her ego and doesn't feel that she's better or above other people. I didn't live with my first wife before we got married at 21 but I don't think it would have made a difference anyhow. We were in love and I had her up on a pedestal and couldn't see and didn't understand the things that were most important. The signs were all there, I just wasn't paying any attention to them. You have little control over who you fall in love with but character does matter so try to take off the blinders and really evaluate the woman you are considering marrying and how she treats her friends, your friends, siblings, parents, ex-boyfriends and even the people she doesn't like. She doesn't have to be perfect, no one is, but take some time to really get to know her in good times and bad. If you want to get her something for your anniversay, how about a hope chest? What ever happened to that symbol of intention before the final lifetime commitment of the ring. Get her a ring on your third anniversay after you've lived together for a year or two and really know what she's all about and after she's found out that you're not as perfect as she thinks you are now? Good luck