ratherbesailing

Darkpumpkin - You are going to find a guy that loves even the psycho part of you. I know exactly how you feel at this point because I've been there as well, but once you finally let go of this guy, you are going to start meeting guys that make your ex look like a smuck and even if you aren't looking they are going to find you. Time will heal you and show you the brighter side of life.

Steve - I wish I was 17 again, but even at around 40 when I started dating the girlfriend I have now, it was only about 3 or 4 weeks before I woke up one morning and said to myself "holy ship, I know this feeling, I'm in love." I believe it can happen fast and it is more likely to happen when we aren't looking than when we are. Yes, falling in love can lead to hurt and pain but its worth every minute of it. At your age I'd say do everything possible not to get her pregnant till you guys are out of college and have steady jobs and some savings packed away. If she is already pregnant, the odds may be against you but who cares? You guys have a shot to make it work and raise a child in a happy home, just know that it will be so much harder than you can imagine. Finishing school will be hard but do it and go to college and make sure she goes too. It takes years to really get to know someone and how they handle things so realize it is going to take a lot of effort to stay together as you guys grow and change over the years. Agree right now that you know you will have problems in the future but that you will always talk about them and never resent each other for this pregnancy and don't let the what if's get you. I hope she isn't pregnant, but good luck either way.

cordell - One of the funny things about us guys is that when we feel we can't give a women what she wants or needs, we tend to pull back. It isn't that we don't love or that we want out, but if we don't feel like we are able to make our woman happy we don't have a clue how to act or what to do and we kind of give up inside. We are like puppies, we want to please. Could it be that you've asked for more than he can give at this point? If you have, he probably doesn't want to lose you but he's feeling helpless and hopeless and doesn't know what to do. We like to fix things and if we love something but it appears unfixable, we stick it in the basement or garage and hope someday we will be able to fix it. We hardly ever ask for help. Maybe he's stuck you in the basement hoping a way to pull it together will come in the future. Ask him if he feels like you want more than he can give and if he says yes, ask him if he's pulling back because of it.

Titan - Tough to take, I feel for you. I'm not sure there is much you can really say to her, she's probably been thinking about splitting for a while and I hate to say it but your chances may not be that good. What you can do is make some fast changes, let her see the improvements and act a little hard to get and show her you know how to have a good time without her. The one thing that will pull her back is her thinking she's losing you and your attention. Right now she knows she's got you waiting in the wings with a free hand to do anything. Let her see you like the freedom. Why the seven year engagement? That's a long time.

Boston - She probably didn't think of you that way originally but you put the idea in her head and now it sure sounds like she's thinking of you. As far as the stuck up attitude goes, that's a tough one and a put off for me, but maybe you should get to know her more before making a decision on that. Just keep an eye on it. Ask her out and see how it goes.

You've got to tell them both that you will never ever get together with either of them and then completely ignore them. If they think they've got a chance they will keep on trying. If you see them somewhere leave.

Wildorchid - Are you sure you are satisfied with him in all other areas? Is he really considerate everywhere else but in the bedroom or is he selfish all around? It just seems hard to believe that someone who is attentive in other ways would let you down when making love.

music soul - I'm a guy and I think he treated you horribly. There are nice guys out there that will be much more understanding and considerate. I don't think you are overreacting at all. I think you are right to distance yourself from him and please try not to let this experience affect your future relationships.

Phil - Some girls will understand and not be bothered, some will expect the world and be disappointed when you can't provide it. Plenty of each type of girl around. PS - it isn't much different when you are older and long out of school

Spawn - After my ex left I was absolutely amazed at how much better than her every woman I met seemed to be. I know nobody is perfect but when you fall into a rut for so long with one that is loaded with problems it makes the rest of them seem like angels. Try not to be afraid, there is someone else out there that is going to make you realize that your ex was a nut.

becky - There are plenty of guys out there that would never treat you this way.

I just measured the coffee can in my kitchen. It is 4 inches in diameter. Your boyfriend is huge! I think you might mean circumference(girth)? Try googling average penis size and you'll find this: So the average penis length is 6.16 inches. The average girth is 4.84 inches. More recent studies have produced the following results: A sample of 60 men studied by researchers at the University of California at San Francisco determined that the average size of their erect penises was 5.1 inches long and 4.9 inches in girth. A Brazilian urologist who measured 150 men reported that the average size of their erections was 5.7 inches long and 4.7 inches in girth.

teacup - If you belong to a church, especially a protestant church, the minister can give you some counseling free of charge and can certainly recommend an outside therapist. If you don't belong to a church, stop by one and make an appointment to talk to the minister. They are there to help people with their problems and I don't think it will matter if you are a regular. I don't know how religious you are but most ministers are going to be much more interested in helping address your real problems than trying to preach to you.

Heavensent - I'm sorry to say this but I think you had better give him a big apology and soon. You've both been through a lot and I'm very sorry for all you've been through but, if you love this guy, then that really isn't an excuse for how you treated him. It sounds like you: 1) badgered him at work all that day 2) accused him of cheating because he wanted to get a tan before the wedding 3) attacked him for being a pervert when all he did was bring in the mail 4) he asks why you are treating him this way and you give him back the ring and tell him you are leaving him a week and a half before the wedding, and you actually leave and you don't call to apologize, you make him call you. 5) you raised a bunch of red flags for him to see so he voices his concerns and says you've caused him to doubt the marriage, keep in mind you already left and gave him back the ring, and you just sit there when he tells you this and don't tell him that you don't want him to leave? I know you are hurting for lots of reasons but I think the fact that he remained supportive after all you put him through that day is amazing. You need to reassure him before the red flags you raised really do some damage. I'm only hearing the story from your side but I can still see why he acted the way he did. He's got to be hurt and I'm sure he is a bundle of mixed emotions over the abortion as well. Please be nice to him, don't make him do all the work to make this right.

Janim - You've got to be patient with guys and the way we voice our feelings. Give him some time to come up with the words and judge more by how he acts in the beginning. If he treats you like he cares then I'm sure he does. If you have plans for May, that's a pretty long term commitment for a guy so I think you're on the right track. Putting too much pressure on him to profess his love may scare him.

To me high maintenance is someone who you've got to constantly pump up their ego to the point that it is emotionally draining. Like DN said, she takes more than she gives emotionally. If it's the monetary thing, I'd just call them spoiled.

blueyes - Just don't fight with him. Sometimes my girlfriend seems to want to get into an argument but I won't fight. I'll talk rationally, but I refuse to fight. You won't always agree so just accept that. Has fighting ever really gotten you anything you wanted? Since you don't really have a problem with porn itself, why not rent a hot movie and see if you guys can't get into it together instead making an issue of the solo stuff? Try to mimic what the girls are doing on the screen. Guys like porn but it has nothing at all to do with how we feel about our girlfriends. If I'm not feeling sexual and I know my girlfriend is coming over, sometimes porn can help get my interest up. I'm a little more into erotic reading and not much into websites but everyone is different. Either way, what fantasy girl might get me aroused doesn't take a thing away from how I feel about the real woman next to me that I want to be with. I wish I could take this piece of advice myself, but how about going away together next weekend? Sometimes a change of scenery can spark things that just don't happen when you are in your routine.

workaholic - I hope you are old enough and I hope you have some feelings for this girl and she for you. If you are too young or you guys don't have feelings for each other, my advice is to wait and make the next time be with someone special. I hate to ask but are you usually hard when you are aroused? If not you might want to talk to a doctor. If you were drinking a lot or anything like that, that will make it more difficult to stay hard even if your brain is totally up for it. If you were nervous, that's going to have the same affect. If you were worried that someone might catch you, that's going to cause a problem to. If you are normally hard but just weren't this particular time when you were with this girl then it is just a mind thing and it happens to every single one of us at some point in our lives. Just putting the condom on can cool down the action enough to cause a problem and from what you describe it sounds like she wasn't wet enough to begin with. She was probably nervous too. I'd suggest the following. 1) don't worry about it there is nothing wrong with you or the position. 2) use your mouth on her first and make sure she's completely aroused and that she's plenty wet before you try to enter her. She's going to like the attention. Slide your fingers in a few times first to spread things around the opening a bit 3) buy a cheap dozen condoms and practice putting them on when you are alone so that it is natural enough and you don't have to really think about it when the time comes. 4) use a lubricated condom and open the wrapper and place the condom on top of the wrapper near the bed before you really get into it, one less thing to distract you at the time. 5) some people get more turned on if their partner puts the condom on them. You can decide whether this will help you or distract you more. 6) If she's willing, have her put her mouth on you before you put on the condom. That aught to firm things up and keep them there. 7) missionary is best for penetration, that's the best way to start even if you change after things are lubed up. 8) as guy's we get turned on by visual stuff. Bright lights off but a candle near the bed and watch her body, pay attention to her breasts and legs. The penetration is just part of the experience. If she's having trouble getting wet and really wants to have sex, KY advertises that warming massage gel/personal lubricant. If you work some of that around her with your fingers, inside and out and then wipe some on the tip of the condom you should be able to slide right in even if you aren't completely hard. Don't worry, when it all comes together, it will just get better and better. The real thing is actually better than that picture you have in your mind.

alomedia - I'm with the others. At least a couple of months down time is going to be best for you anyhow after being married for 7 years.

Music - It sounds like it is time to come clean and just lay the cards on the table. Just tell her straight out that you have feelings for her, then just listen to what she says. You may have to give her some time to let it sink in and take affect. I wouldn't ask her yet if she has feelings for you and I wouldn't even mention Kurtis' name, don't go negative. Unless you are getting some major signals that she wants the kiss, I'd give that a rest for a bit until you can tell she's receptive. The whole idea being that she may not be thinking of you that way, but if you just let her know you are and back off a little, she just might get the idea working in her head to the point that she does start thinking that way. I hope it works out and Kurtis has to just fade away into the sunset.

Dani - I am so sorry to hear that you are still hanging in limbo. It must be really hard. I have to believe he's telling you the truth because, as much as my ex was the one who left after cheating, she still went nuts when I started dating a few months after she left. It didn't make any sense, but it did affect her attitude as we were going through the divorce and attitude is everything in a divorce. Unfortunately there really isn't anything you can do, he's got to make the decision about what he's willing to risk. You've already talked to him and he wasn't willing to take the risk, so the message is pretty clear that he isn't available for the type of relationship that you want and deserve. You can either put your life on hold for him and try to accept things the way they are for now or you can cut your losses and move on. You sound like you really want to work this out so my suggestion would be to set a cut off date for yourself. If he can't involve you with his son by the time you've been with him for a year, then you will move on. I hate to admit this but my girlfriend is on her third extension of me setting deadlines for us to move forward. If I'd have followed through with my own advise I'd have moved on months ago. Now I'm tired and unhappy and trying to make my own decision on when enough is enough.

Music Freak - Tough spot you're in. Another option might be to wait until this thing with Kurtis blows over and then make your move when she might be a little more receptive. I agree with Ta Ree that this is either headed to you two dating or you two no longer being close friends. Being stuck in the current situation isn't something good for you anyhow. I hope it works out for you.

Hopeless - She needs time and space. Just try to be considerate of that. It may take months but she will eventually calm down if you stay out of her hair. It is hard when you share the same friends but try to avoid joining in the same group when she's around. Someday she'll eventually end up walking in on a circle with you and then you'll know it is okay. You are not going to be her friend for a long time and you are going to have to wait until she initiates the friendship. She's hurt and you have to earn her trust again.

darkpumpkin - I'm about 6' and my girlfriend is about 5' 3". I like that, I don't know exactly why, but somehow to me, short is sexy, more fragile, more feminine, even though that doesn't make much sense. I like blue eyes but my girl friends eyes are brown, go figure? I don't know, they say guys look for their mothers and women look for their dads. My mom was kind of short. I can't picture marrying her but maybe that's where it comes from. Plenty of taller girls have turned my head as well over the years, I was married to one for many years. She was a lot better at lifting the other end of a canoe and I don't remember ever thinking I wished I had married someone short. She didn't have blue eyes either. Bottom line is I don't know how I end up with the people I have and although I may have certain preferences, that hasn't dictated who I've ended up with. I want someone kind, honest and caring. How's that for a clear answer?

time2moveon - It sounds like he's a 16 year old boy and he's not anywhere near ready for the type of relationship that you may want from him. He may care about you as a friend or even feel guilty for breaking up with you but he's not showing any signs of wanting to get back together. I'd take his meaning literally, he knows he hurt you and was just making sure you are okay. It hurts, we've all been through breakups. The longer we hang on to what they say and what they mean by what they say, the harder and longer the pain lasts. If you can, try avoiding him for a while until you've had some time to get over the breakup.