Titan4Life

It is possible, I changed, and I did it for myself, and I admit I wasnt the best fiancee, I never cheated at all, but I was grumpy, wasnt happy with life, looked at the bad side of everything, and was lazy. Very hard for me to come out and say it, but its true, it took me months working on it, I changed jobs, started being more active with my ex fiancee, going for walks, playing sports, and just being happy, and gracious of what i have, and about life. I find the little things in life add up at the end of the day, such as, now for example, I will clean her house, set candles up so when she comes home, everything is nice looking, Make supper and go for a walk after, or go play some basketball. People can change, not for anyone, but for themself, it has to come within and you need to make it for all the right reasons. I am living proof.

Well, I have been on this site, awhile back in the winter, and early spring, my ex fiancee and I are slowly getting back together, and she wants me back in her life now, but it seems like at her convience. Here is a short break down of what happened. Feb 10 / 2006 .. she broke up with me and wanted me to move out, March, she starts to go out and make new friends, going to the bar and drinking every weekend. She starts to make this new male friend, so I made a new female friend, her new boy toy doesnt wanna bother with her anymore, she begins to be super nice, I end it with this new female friend hoping things will work out now, a couple months go by, I am sleeping at my old place with her now, it seems everyday, feels like i am back home, I am making her meals, cleaning the house, being extra sweet, but I have a gut feeling something is still not right, her friend is getting married, now my ex fiancee doesnt wanna take me as her date to her friends wedding, cause it seems her friend doesnt like me, and also her old boy toy is in the group of friends and he will be at the wedding, i just feel really weird about this all, should I be feeling weird, or is it nothing to worry about. We sat down the other night, and talked about trust but, she is acting weird lately. What should I think and do?? I feel like a puppet... PLEASE.. help.. Jay

I am going through the exact same with my ex fiancee, we were suppose to get married this Aug 4th, and she said on Feb 10, she loves me but is not in love with me, wants us to be friends, and see other people (date) I was sooo in shock and lost, it was terrible, but its been a month now, and she acts like she wants me back, example, going out for lunch, going to (our home) well my old home, and watching a dvd, cuddling on the couch, she then tells me she cant sleep well at night cause I am not beside her, BUT she says she still needs time, and for me to keep hope cause she is.. i just wish I knew what she is thinking and if she really wants to have things work out like she says. If this was you, and you did that, would you think time would make you fall back in love? Or have stronger feelings, cause I am not there? ~ Jay

LOL big trouble!.. haha...but it helped us both, so they should only see it as that, it was a building block to get us strong. *hugs*!

Thats awsome, I should share what happened to me last night, I am keeping strict LC with my ex who dumped me, and I have not and will not call her now, she has been calling me pratically everynight or 2nd night, I think she is missing me cause she keeps saying it, but I am being a friend on the phone, maybe she realizes what she had.. and wants it back.. who knows.. all i now I take it 1 day at a time.. and so far its working great. Hehehe keep the faith alive! Cheers! Jay

Pikey .... .. *hugs* =]

^ Wow.. so you exaclty know what I am going through..your right..tho..sorry to hear about what happened to you also.. i know its tough.. keep strong too.

Honestly, thank you so much, and your right, keep it to short talk, and let her know that this is not affecting me, that I am ok, which I am. heheheee thanks!

Well, here goes what is happening.. ..Yesterday moved everything outta the place with my ex gf for 6 half years, we were engaged about to be married this Aug 4th. She is now confused, and wants to just be friends and date other people, i went through a month of the worst pain I have ever felt, for the past week now, I have become so strong, to the point that I am stupid strong. I thought contact would be ok as long as I stayed strong, and firm but fair. She knows I love her and want to be with her, but she still says she loves me, and cares for me.. she said she wants to explore, and as hard as it is to hear, I accept it. Back to yesterday, I moved the rest of my stuff out of our place, she still is going to live there. The night before she went out with a gf from work, and well with her boyfriend and his buddy, which I found out, my ex gave her phone number to her friend to give to this NEW guy. It bothers me, but i accept this. I have not had the best self esteem, dont ask me why, many people say I am a decent looking guy, but I still try to find that, even know I lost tons of weight, and have had a makeover, I still struggle, and I know time will be able to build that if I am not with her, I love this girl, but at the same time, I am learning it is like cancer, her not knowing what she wants, if she wants me or not, is eating away at me, and as hard as it sounds NC is going to have to be the only thing. (sorry for jumping all around with the story but I am kinda upset). We spent the day together yesterday, packing boxes and moving stuff for me, stuff was great, I felt like she truly had thoughts of wanting me in her life as a partner again.. BOY WAS I WRONG, just before I left the house, I gave her my keys to the house, which was the hardest thing to do, she cryed more then me, it was hard, so i left and that was it. I drove off, crying more then I have ever, driving away from my home, and her. I got to the new place and I felt better. I wondered how she was, so I called her 20 mins later, so to my surprise, she was ok, she said she felt better that i wasnt there, and she was ok. So.. i was kinda shocked and said well thats good and i will let you take a nap cause your tired. I went home, did some laundry, and watch the Oscars, it was around 10ish, and I was dozing off. The phone rings, and who is it... my ex crying, and acting depressed, saying Jay I still love you, and miss you, I miss your touch, cuddling, being in the same room. So I stayed strong, and felt good, I was like wow, she really does love me. So I reassured her that everything will be fine, and work out just fine. We talked about small talk and stuff that would make her happy, talk about the puppy we bought before xmas, she said even Vito the puppy was depressed, so I said i would take hime while she worked tonight from 5-9, so then she was getting tired so I let her go to bed, I said sweetdreams beautiful, just before we hung up. I went to bed smiling and happy. I woke up, and with my new look, (makeover) everybody, and i mean everybody noticed the new me, the guy with confidence, how i walked, how i carried myself, how i talked. They were all so happy, and kept telling me Jay you look so hot, that honestly brought me up to a feeling I have not felt in so long. That I was noticed. Today after work at 4:30pm, went over to the house to see her and Vito the puppy, well I noticed she took the remaining photos we had up down, and put them away, I knew that was a sign, but i played dumb. I went and gave her a hug, and she hugged me with so much meaning, it felt genuwine. But then I got weak for a second and said about last night, did you mean everything, and she said yes, but then she is like I need to be single right now, I cant and wont have a relationship. Soo that hurt, and i was bitter, and brought Vito to my parents house where they have 2 other Yorkies, so Vito could play with them and cheer up. So the sweet guy that I am does that. I also had a appt with the doctor for a followup, and told her i was doing fine, no more depression and sadness, only positive. BUT i told her I cant sleep at night so she gave me Lorazapam to help me get through the night, I wasnt waking up crying, but more thinking about life in general. Waking up at 4am and having to work a full day, is hard, so i needed some sleeping pills. She works at the pharmacy, and I went there to get the pills filled out, and get them so I could rest tonight, I was kinda bitter to her, and cold, which I regret, I am a bigger person then that. So i apologized and told her it was cause i was embaressed how i acted earlier at the house. She acted like it was nothing and brushed it off, which i found weird. Tonight I have to bring Vito back, and well, and going to be nice, but I am going to implement NC, i cant keep doing this to myself, wearing my heart on my sleeve, its only hurting me in the long run. I just want to find a girl out there who will treat me with the love I deserve, that I put out. I tend to be romantic, so for a girl to have the same, would be great. I just want to have that love with a woman. What should I say to her tonight when I see her? I dont know even how or what to say? Help? * she still wants to be my friend, and hang out, and talk on the phone, I know I could be able to do it, if I just had the thought of moving on, and the more i think about it, I feel like I am going to, no point waiting, cause it might happen, she might not want me back, and move on with whoever, and I will be stuck feeling rejected yet again, so I am going to explore my options, talk, meet new people. IF i have that in my head, I will be find around her and talking, cause I wont have that feeling of wanting her back, just being there as a friend, and if i find someone who makes me happy, she will miss out.*

Yes thats me, but I lost some weight cause of all that happened, and I got my hair colored, then higlighted, nice warm colors, plus I tan now, so needless to say, she noticed a huge difference in my self esteem, and cofidence. To anyone out there going through hard times, a makeover is worth it, I swear on it. Hehehehe

^ I think that is soo true, never let the ex know your hurting, best advice ever, .... sooo true!! I am doing that now. And it works, but I am not sad, I am happy. My makeover, went amazing by the way Nat, today was my first day back to work, and about 20 ladies in the office, went NUTS, and there saying Jay you look amazing, and you look so happy. Its a great feeling! Heheheeee Even trying to set me up, with different women from the office, but i was like wooo hold on to your saddle ladies, this cowboy is taking his time. LOL

I still have trouble sometimes durning the early hours of the morning, sometimes i wake up for 4am, or 5am, and just keep thinking, before i would cry not anymore, now I just am thinking about everything and anything, its annoying, since I gotta be up for 7am, and it drains me all day cause i am tired, but other then that the whole day I am fine, even going to bed.

^ Good idea..

Dont cry or beg, stay strong stick to being strong, cause the last thing you want is him feeling pity for you, show him your strong, I know its hard, but time heals. *hug* (Jay)

Dave, keep strong bro, I know exaclty how you feel, it was just yesterday, I realized, I cant control how she thinks, no matter how many sweets things I do, I am strong enough now, to be there to support her as a friend, and she knows I still care for her, and want her back. But if it is not meant to be, I thought to myself, why should i keep beating myself up over this, its getting old, and I need to make myself happy without her, before I can make anyone happy, I need to work on myself, being happy. And now she is kinda chasing after me, but I am sticking to my guns and not breaking done, and she repects that, and loves to see my strong, it might bring her back or it might not, but at least i am happy. Stay Strong Dave, we are all here for you. Jay