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About Me

  1. I'm a 28-year-old man. My future father-in-law wants to leave me with a legacy of his thriving business, but he wants something in return. Why does he want me to take on my fiancée's surname?
  2. I’m getting married in a few months. I don’t want a bachelor party. My fiancée wants me to have one. I have no interest in one. First I don’t want strippers. My fiancée says she is cool with it. I’m not. She said she has told my best man that I don’t want them, but she said there is a possibility they could get one anyways. She knows I’m the person who would just leave if one shows up, but told me not to leave. My best man and most of my friends live out of state. I don’t want to travel back home for a bachelor party. I don’t want to drag her brother out there with me either. He wants to go. I honestly would rather save the money. My fiancée has a birthday coming up and I want to take her out of state (a different state) for a concert. It would cost some money that we are trying to save up for our wedding and honeymoon. I really don’t know how to say to my best man I don’t want one, or tell my fiancée. I have already told her that I don’t want one at all, but She basically told me I need to have one. I think they are buying the plane tickets soon, but I don’t want to go. I don’t want to disappoint my friends and fiancée but I just don’t want to. It’s my choice right?
  3. Hello everyone, I am here to tell my story and I am looking for some help. So, me and my fiancée have been together for 4.5 years. I am her first love and she is mine. She has never dated another guy before me, I just had a girl in highschool. We have always had the perfect relationship, no arguments, no moody behaviors. We have been through a lot. She is one year younger than me and after 1.5 years of dating I had to leave for the UK to study in the university. But we never broke up, we had a long distance relationship and it worked perfectly, we became even more inlove. The next year our dream came true and she came to study here as well and we moved in together. Obviously at the beginning we didn't know how to live with another person, but we managed pretty well. Everything was going great the first 1 year. Then we got really busy with university and work and the stress from it we just started spending less time together. She sometimes wanted my time but I couldn't give it to her. I regret this so badly... Anyways, we were still happy, going on holidays all the time, going out a lot. Then a couple of months ago when we were again busy and not spending that much time together she started chatting with a friend from work. She has never given me a reason to be jealous so I wasn't and I trusted her. But this kept on for too long and I decided to read her chats. Well she didn't cheat on me or anything but she started to develop a crush on him. She was telling him that she loves me so much and she hates herself for allowing her to have feelings for someone else because she never wants to leave me or hurt me. When I saw the messages I went to her work and spoke to them. She was so deeply sorry and begged for a chance, I told her that I would have never broken up with her because she hasn't cheated, I just needed time. On the second day I managed to kiss her and everything was more or less normal. But after that, the next 3 weeks were a nightmare, I was totally different person, I was getting angry at her all the time, not wanting to touch her or kiss her... Telling her that I don't trust her(which isn't true). I was just a different person. She told me a couple of times that she can't go on like this anymore but I didn't listen. Then one day when I was angry again she just removed her ring and said that it is over. But we still live in one room and she still hugs me every night and we communicate like friends. A couple of days later she said that she just needs time to decide whether breaking up was the right thing. I had time to realize my mistakes and she had time to realize hers but we are still not together. It has been almost 3 weeks sleeping next to her every night, wanting to have her, regretting miserably. We are perfect for each other with the same vision of the future. I don't know what to do, how to give her time but not lose her. In 3 weeks time I will leave for the summer, we will be seeing each other around every 2 weeks but will probably sleep in different rooms. We decided that whatever happens we will still live in the same house until we graduate. I don't know what to think and what to do. I know that she is the one, I want to make her believe that things will change. We have never ever had big arguments... Without her in the UK my life is pointless, she is all I have... She still says that she loves me but she doesn't know if we will be together. I know that I am young(22 and she is 21) but I never liked going out with different women. I believe that a man and woman should be together forever and love needs hard work. Any advice? Should I go no contact over the summer, should I still make her surprises, should I show her I love her... What should I do before the big conversation? Sorry about the messy writing. TLDR: My fiancée broke the engagement and said she needs time to decide what to do because we hurt each other. But we still live together, sleep together, chat like friends, go shopping etc.
  4. Sorry about the long post, but the background is very important. My fiancee and I met online over 8 years ago, and were good friends. About 2 years ago when we started dating, and recently became engaged. He has a female friend who he's known about the same amount of time. The main difference is we are LDR while she is there with him. When our relationship changed from strictly friendship, the female friend reached out to me, and we started becoming good friends. We would all hang out together when I would visit, and she was very supportive of us getting together, actually encouraging us to take the next step. I thought this was going to be the start of a beautiful journey. Shortly after my fiancee and I became serious, I noticed that her tone with me drastically changed. She started telling me that everyone there thinks they are together/ should be together. She then asked me if it bothered me. I replied and said it didn't, and asked if there was any romantic history. She told me no. I let it go, and continued to work on our friendship. That's when things went downhill. She suddenly started posting tons of pictures of them together on social media, and making it a point to tell me that they were doing date like activities- going to movies, going out for drinks, etc. When my fiancee and I were on dates, she would blow up his phone, and insist that he needed to be there, saying she would kill herself if he didnt go. At one point she told me that she knows more about what's going on in his life than I do, and got very accusatory of my intentions. At one point I let her know that we have a strong relationship, and that what I talk about with him his private. We stopped talking shortly after. I have confronted my fiancee several times about how I felt that she had feelings for him. He confessed that at one point, she had written him a love letter, and confessed her feelings for him. He assured me that he never reciprocated those feelings, and they were strictly friends. I tried to be supportive of their friendship, but brought up concerns with him spending money on her, buying her Plan B pills after her random hookups, and taking her to nicer places than he took me. I set boundaries that I was comfortable with, and things seemed to be going well. Before he came out to visit last time, I reached out to her to try and rekindle our friendship. We had what I thought were great conversations, but she blocked me in every form later that night. On his visit, he proposed and I accepted. I asked him about his friend, and told him that she had blocked me. He confessed that she was the first person he told about his plans to propose, and that she didnt take it well. Fast forward a year. We are still engaged, and planning our future. She is still crossing boundaries. When I confront him, he jokes about it, asking if I still hate her, and making excuses for her behavior. I'm not comfortable with their friendship anymore, and I dont think it's my place to tell him they can't be friends. I dont want to be the jealous wife, but I also can't continue to be left out, always wondering if there is something more between them. What do I do?
  5. Many of these pages he probably liked a long time ago, he likes a ton of pages but many of them are sexy celebrities or semi celebrities. He's also in a group that is pretty much amateur porn/ random girls being sexy, he even showed me it once he says his friend created it and added him... but now it's bothering me. It is perfectly fair for me to ask him to not be in that group that I think? Partly it's because he's masturbating a lot, more than we have sex, and I would love more sex...I don't know why but I'm just trying to wait and see if it will change. Also he always says no when I ask if he watches porn. Yet he says I'm sexy and everything. So basically I feel very confused and of course need to talk to him...
  6. my fiancee and I been dating for 4 years. I was aware that he takes care of his baby momma but it didn't bother me as much as it did now. Since they have two children together I know it's normal . Now it's just too much, the mother barely work , she is lazy . My fiancee takes care of her completely pays for her house which is $1500 a month and all the utilities and food that you can think of. He pays for her insurance car and health. money if she needs to go shopping or buy something from the store. She is a 100% depending on him. he says he's been doing this for 17 years for her . No , his baby mom does not have any dissabilty . their youngest daughter is 7 and the mother is 37 years old. .. My fiancee and I work very hard 7 days a week and most times 12 hours shifts . I feel like I'm working to take care of his baby momma . A lot of women have children and still work. why can't she? not to mention the oldest is 16. I'm not sure I can do it. excuse my english since its not my first language what's your advice for someone In this situation ?
  7. I am a arab girl who lives in europe now and i have been struggling for the last 3 years in a relationship. I dont know if all the realtions have to be this hard or just me...I have been insulted and boolied by my boyfriends family. In fact we were “ engaged“ for 2 months. They cane to our house and asked my hand that was 2 years ago. At that time I was still in my country and him already in europe. And had problems with visa.. he propsed to marry in Europe because he cant afford to make big wedding at the time and my family refused and said that there is no rush, I have to focus on my career and I will get visa sooner or later and when you are both ready you get married. They didnt want me to be a burden on my fiancee at that time he was student. His family did understand the whole thing like if we are not accepting because him... and specially his mother she was furious without a reason. Then I have had a short trip to europe and we me and my fiancee met with out telling anyone. His family thought that we got maried secretly.And here they became threatning me and told their son to quit me. He tried a lot to convince them, and he came home to talk to them and my family My parents were ok and wanted to clarify the misunderstood and his father was understanding too but his mom and sisters they were on fire! She called me many times to threten me then when I didnt pick up she sended me messages Then they hacked my social media accounts and knew that we still talk... and they began to threaten him too... we have all things about you too and if you dont quite here we will make a scandal! In that moment I told him to go and leave me alone I dont want these devils in my life. But he insisted to never leave me. Then after 2 months I got my visa and came here. Since that we see each other everyday. Our families think that it s over but itnst. It s even more! He is such caring and loving person and I cant imagine my life without him. What should I do. They are such evils that I cant imagine my self dealing with them again in my life. He is not talking to his familie now and so angry and keep proposing to me and I refuse and postpone it. He even boought a beautiful ring but I didnt accept it. I see them between us and this is making me crazy
  8. My fiancée and I have been drifting apart since the birth of our 2nd son. She hasn't been interested in sex for as long as I can remember. I've tried to support her through a period of depression and really have been the model partner and dad. But tonight I've came home from a business trip and discovered that she is cyber sexing with a guy at work. I'm not sure if this started from a physical relationship. She doesn't know I know. I don't know what to do. I feel it's cheating. We had been discussing going to couples counselling but now I can't see a way past this. Help
  9. My fiancée gave away my cat today without asking how it would make me feel. I have a strong connection to our animals and I’ve been super upset about it all day. Is it wrong of me to be mad at him for giving him up without ever asking me how I felt??
  10. This is something that I need to try & get answers to, hence my post on here. Any help would be appreciated. I am 40, my now ex fiancée is 35, we were together for 5 years, engaged for 3 & we have a 2 year old together. We lived together. On February 5th this year, completely out of the blue to me, she told me that she didn’t think that we were working out & that her feelings for me had changed. This totally blindsided me, as I genuinely didn’t think that our relationship was bad, I mean we never argued or anything like that. I had noticed that prior to this happening, that she had been pretty much glued to her phone in the couple of months prior, but I didn’t say anything as I had no reason to not trust her. After she had said that, I was obviously stunned & asked her if we can talk about thing’s & see if they can be sorted out between us, but she just kept saying that there was nothing to talk about/sort out. This was horrible for me, as even 2 days prior to this happening, she was as normal, told me that she loved me etc. She would not look at me whilst I was asking her to at least talk about thing’s, just kept looking at the floor. She then asked if I could move out as she felt it was awkward & because of our baby, I agreed as I didn’t want there to be an atmosphere or anything like that for his sake. When I left our house, I had to move back to my parents otherwise I had knowhere else to go. Unfortunately, my parents stay at the other end of the street, so I cannot do out of sight, out of mind, I sometimes see her & her new guy & it is destroying me so much inside. I get anxious & upset. Anyway, since then, she has totally & utterly ignored me, I have NOT bombarded her with calls or messages, but even regarding questions about our baby boy, She has jjust totally ignored like I do not exist anymore. It hurts me a lot, especially when it was not an acrimonious break up. Around a week & a half later, she got with someone else & it still with him as I write this, he has pretty much moved into the house we shared & is there all the time. This is hurting me more than the actual break up. It’s like everything we had doesn’t mean anything to her at all. I have also since found out, that she already knew this guy prior to us breaking up. I also now believe that she was at the very minimum emotionally cheating on me prior to the relationship ending, it’s also possible that she was cheating physically with him, as she had went off sex with me a good 4-5 months prior to this happening & when I asked her if we were ever going to have sex again, she would just say that she was tired or say of course we are, yet we rarely did despite me trying everything to get us to. I never seen these as red flags, as I trusted her completely, I had no reason not to. I actually thought that we were alright, just going with the ebb & flow of life in general. I am currently up & down with my emotions & feelings, some days are really bad others are ok considering, but as said, it’s very hard when we stay in the same street. Please can someone help me out here? I am deeply lost without her & our baby boy in my life. I never thought for a second that she would hurt me or treat me like this. If I was a bad, horrible person towards her, I would understand better, but I was not at all. Help me please.
  11. I've been seeing him for 3 months. He's been open/honest, even when I don’t like what he’s saying. He told me up front, his relationship side is ‘under construction’ from being left by his fiancee b/c of his gambling addiction, which he is also currently coping with. He has also told me he’s cheated in every relationship he’s been in, which sparked major insecurity in me. That said, in these 3 months, he’s given me a code to come over to his house anytime I’m around, we’ve gone on a trip outside the country together, and we’ve been intimate. He’s introduced me to his friends - not officially as his girlfriend - but with the understanding that I’ll be around. I have a horrible habit of pushing people away with my negative attitude and poor choice of words at the wrong time. We got back from our trip and he told me he’d be very busy for a couple weeks as he preps for a promotion. As promised, I hadn’t heard from him as much as I would like. He reached out to me yesterday and I invited him to meetup. I ended up making a selfish joke that he’s never free to hang out with me. Hours later he responded telling me it’s the third time I’ve behaved in a way that makes him feel dishonest, not trusted, or not giving me enough when he hasn’t done anything to warrant that. Even worse, he didn’t get the promotion. I did apologize and ask to talk in person if he’s up for it. Now, Idk where we stand. Should I reach out reminding him I’m sorry he didn’t get the promo and apologize for my behavior? Or should I give him time to cool off? I’m horrible with timing and choice of words as I said.
  12. Hello, Me and my fiancee are in a relationship for over 3 years, we know each other for almost 7. We have been through quite a lot of challenges together in all these years, but in the last few months I feel things have changed for the bad. We are a biracial couple, and even if we are grown ups at 25 yo, our families have tried to keep us apart. Both our families never approved of our relation, due to (wrong) stereotypes judgement and different skin color. We kept our relation a secret as long as we could, but when our parents found out all the problems started...My fiancee was living by himself in a hostel room when we started dating, his family working in a different country, I was living with my parents and finishing my Bachelors exam. As soon as I passed my exam, I left my parents that were having arguments day and night about how wrong I chose my partner, I took my bags and left them. I was working 2 jobs for a while and my fiancee was getting his Bachelors too, but we lived together for 1 year in a hostel room, without anyone knowing. We had money from his parents that had no idea I was living with their son. Everything was pretty much good, we were poor but happy, but then we went for 2 weeks to visit his parents. I haven t traveled that much so I was very excited for that and I was really looking forward to meet his parents. I knew his mother would like a "good house wife" for her son, to know how to cook and clean, and that is exactly the kind of woman that I am. The problem was, his parents were very 2 faced with me....in my face they were very nice, warm and open, we would chit chat and joke around. When i'd leave the room, they would talk bad about me to my fiancee. After that vacation was over, his parents would call and tell my fiancee that i am not good enough for him, because I am from a different country so automatically I am a bad person... After we came back from that vacation, 2 weeks in which I didn't get to visit anything that I personally wanted, my fiancee has changed. We had fights about me changing my religion if I wanted to marry him, all of a sudden this topic came up, he was imposing for his parents to live with us after we get married. His mother doesn't like that I am a bit chubby, so now my fiancee actually said "i will not marry you until you get to 70 kg". It broke my heart, but i accepted...One day we had an argument and I busted out that I wanted juts us to live together after marriage and he said "there is no use to continue this relationship then" so I packed my bags and left him. When ever we argue, he is very apologetic when other people are looking, but when it's the 2 of us alone he males me feel like I am doing all the wrong. We somehow got over those arguments and time came that he graduated and had to leave the country. His permit was expiring very soon and he did;t had time to get a job. He also missed his admission to a Masters program. He was going to go to his parents for 1 year and then i was supposed to join him for Masters. i couldn't leave with him in the first place because we didn't had enough money, as my jobs were very underpaid, and his parents hated me so they wouldn't help us at all. I asked my fiancee to stay 1 year with me, and they we leave together, he refused. I asked him to get married in a small ceremony, he refused. He has spend 1 year jobless in another country, but having everything that he wanted,close to his parents, while I was completely alone in our hostel room, mopping floors for a living, even if I have a Bachelors in Engineering. I ve put my Masters studies on pause, I ve put my life on complete pause, left behind my parents and few friends for him to get on his path. in this time his parents got to him, and he actually was trying to push me away and hurt me behaving miserably because his mother was considering me a theat to her son;s diploma. we were sneaking around, speaking when we were alone, so no one would know. He was so afraid of his parents and worried about not getting his diploma that he chose to hurt me. I never forgave him for that. When he confessed what was happening behind my back, he also asked for me to wait until he graduated and got a job, so no one can say anything about us anymore. The job part is not going that good tho...I cannot come to his graduation because his parents hate me, his sister took out my picture from his wallet and threw it away... I ve reached the low point in which I am very worried about my future. I feel like I've completely lost myself in this relationship and I m worried about my life if we do indeed get married. There are many things I want, but my fiancee doesn't. I have sacrificed so very much for him, and for the marriage that I want with him and I am afraid that will simply not happen... I ve recently discovered I have health issues, from all the worries, sleepless nights, arguments that we have. I told him this is happening because he left and his mother is controlling him and then he lost it completely. He called me bad names and took his mother's defense immediately, we had a very huge argument in which I was pointed out to be the bad person...
  13. Hi eNotAlone I was in a relationship for 5 1/2 years, we had been living together for almost 2 years and we got engaged in August last year. In March, my (now ex) fiancee had some sort of a meltdown. We had a massive (and abusive) fight back in January which she claimed had affected her to feel that the relationship had past a point of no return. She was lacking direction in life in regards to her career as well as general unhappiness with being in a domestic relationship where she admitted she was not contributing enough to the household. She also suffers from mental illness which has been managed a lot better in recent times compared to at the start of our relationship. She wanted to go on a 'break', something that I didn't agree with but had no choice to accept. Shortly after, one night my mate wants to watch the basketball with me which she encourage me to do. During the evening I got a message from her saying she was going to go to her mum's house and spend time with her step-father. I got home at 11:30pm and she was not home which was surprising and she didn't return home until the next day. She came home and broke down, saying she went to her rockclimbing friend's house, had a little too much to drink and ended up kissing him. She claimed (still to this day) that because we were on a break, this wasn't cheating because we were on a break. We agreed that if we weren't together, she should move out (back to her mum's), we split the bank accounts, sorted out the bills. and become totally accountable for our own lives. This left me in a situation where I was responsible for paying the rent for a 2 bedroom apartment by myself (we signed a 12 month lease in February), and the cat we owned (which belonged to my ex's late step-dad's family) would stay with me and be my responsibility. I felt like I had no choices in how this played out. I have been deserted with an engagement ring that belongs to no one and I was coming home to an empty house (where she got to come her to her family). I started going to the gym, eating better and enjoying my time alone to watch sports, play games and spend time with people. During this time we were still in contact and she was regretful for how she managed the situation. Worth mentioning that during this time she went on an actual date with the rockclimber and she said that while it was nice, it was not relationship material. The reason we were still in contact was we've had an overseas trip booked since November for May which we were both determined to go on. A lot of people said I should not go, but I was determined to go on the holiday that I had spent thousands of dollars on. So we went. The holiday was like a rollercoaster, for the first bit we were good friends who got along well. Then there was an incident in a nightclub where she started hooking up with a guy when I was standing a foot away. I was angry about that because I felt like we were meant to be there as friends together and she ditched me to hook up with someone. After that I was upset for a few days, then we started getting close again, we were intimate a couple of times and acting like we were in a relationship again. Then towards the end of the holiday, I started thinking about my situation back home and I felt like I had to disconnect from this because nothing regarding our relationship would have been fixed. We got home, said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. I decided to go onto Plenty of Fish to see if I could meet women to go on date with. I feel emotionally available and happy with the way my life is after all the changes I made. I went on a date on Friday night and Sunday afternoon, both with very nice women who I had a great time talking to and both seem keen to meet again. Sunday night, I got a call from my ex. The phone call was basically her wanting to get back into a relationship with me. Her justification of this was that it was apparent we still loved each other based on the holiday we had and she didn't want to lose everything we built over the last 5.5 years. However I feel like none of the issues with our relationship had been sorted out. I am still somewhat resentful for her leaving me in the domestic situation I'm in and for her behaviour with other men. I lied to her when she asked whether I was going to start dating again because I didn't want to completely break her, and frankly it is none of her business what I do now that we are not together. She asked me if I still love her, and I couldn't give her an answer because when I think about that I am filled with thoughts of everything she has put me through over the last couple of months. So I told her no, I am not willing to get back into a relationship with her at this stage. This morning, I have been thinking about whether I had handled this the right way. Any input would be greatly appreciated and I'm happy to clarify any details I may have missed. Thanks in advance
  14. My daughter is 35 and has one son. She is engaged to a man who has two children, ages 6 and 10. Mind you, they are only engaged at this point and they have grandparents that live close by. I live over 3 hours away. I sent my grandson an Easter card with a check so my daughter could buy my grandson a nice outfit, a teddy bear, Easter goodies or whatever his heart desires. A week later, I receive a text from my daughter that my grandson and his fiancee's two children are selling raffle tickets at $5 for 5. She informed me, (she didn't ask me), that she hoped that I would buy all the raffle tickets from the kids to help support their school. That would come to $75. A few days later, I sent her money for only my grandson's raffle tickets and said nothing about buying for the girls. I received a text from her 2 days ago to let me know how much she appreciated the card and check which will help her buy a nice outfit for my grandson, then she added that the girls feelings were hurt that I did not send them a check as well and that in the future I need to include them. I have not responded to her request. I am rather confused. I am not a stingy person, but I am not sure I need to buy the girls anything as they are not even my step daughters. They have a father and grandparents, who I am sure would be more than happy to buy their raffle tickets and buy them an Easter outfit or Easter goodies. I need some help here....just what am I obligated to do for my daughter's fiancee's children??? And if I am not obligated to do anything, how do I let my daughter know this? Let me add here.....I am not working due to my health issues, so money is very limited. Would welcome your thoughts and insights.
  15. I really wasn't sure where to post this because there is more than one aspect. What's going on: Broke up with my fiancee of 8 yrs about a year ago and we still live together in separate bedrooms. She moved on and is now engaged to someone new whom she has introduced our children to but has never met me. He has never been to our house. It took me a long time to deal with my emotions and come to a point where I could move on myself. I had a lot of love for her. So I met someone through a dating site and went to meet her one night. As soon as I came home I was told that they would be moving out and that I would not be able to see our children anymore. I say our children because I have raised them and been in their lives since they were very little and I am the only father figure they have known. I'm not their biological father, so I could never have visitation rights if she decides to just not let me see them. This completely threw me into a panic and I spent a few hours trying to talk everything out with her. A few days later her brother stayed the night because he was drinking and couldn't drive home. She told me to just stay in her bed since she was out anyways. I figured no big deal so I did. She came back middle of the night and we ended up sleeping together for the first time in a year. It threw both of our emotions around and she expressed that is was the first time she had not been lonely and she realized that she still had feelings for me. I broke it off with the new person I was seeing and over the next few weeks I realized that it was only words and she continues to see her fiancee and became emotionless towards me again. It took some doing, but I finally got into a better emotional place. My biggest fear right now is that she can just take our kids out of my life. I feel like I have to make a choice of having s new relationship and losing them or stay single so I can be in their lives. A choice she doesn't have to make for herself. What will happen when she eventually gets married and moves away? I doubt her new husband would want me in their lives since I am not bio dad. I feel used and unhappy, and completely helpless. And to make matters worse she has convinced her fiancee that I am her brother and I am supposed to just keep my mouth shut and play along if I ever meet him. I just don't know what to do. I feel like either choice I make will hurt someone else, and I want more than anything to be in our kids lives.
  16. I signed up for the gym my fiancee had just recently signed up to so i could be with him. I had spent $200 to start and then $50 per month. Alot of money IMO but i did it so we could get fit together. I want to be fit for my wedding dress/day. He know this. anyways, not even two days goes by and he tells me his friends are gonna come. I get wanting to be with them but i couldve just gone to the gym with my girls elsewhere for only $22 a month.... So I got upset. Today he said hes made so many compromises with me .. so hes mad that they cant come. But then why did i spend that much for you to wanna do your own thing? He said his friends can help him but I wanted to reach our goals TOGETHER. He says im an idiot and to cancel my membership... and now im even more mad ... so am i wrong for getting mad? :/
  17. Hi I'm really trying to hold it together & be the better paerson & turn the other cheek.. But it is really getiing harder to do.. Allow me to explain please.. I have been with my fiancee for 3 years now, & I knew in the beginning he has a son. Considering I was rasied in a mix family & was taught if your wiht someone who has kids they are to be treated equal & treat them as you would your own...With that said I knew he has a son & in the beginning when he first mentioned his childs mother & their relationship, I was happy. Because if 2 people can come to a civil agreement & be friends while co parenting that's pretty amazing. So I went in with a positive attitude. & he had told me she had gotten along with his ex before me so there shouldn't be any issues....Well Tbh that didn't last very long.The first time hit the fan...see His son has some behavioral issues, which some i am familiar with because i have a son with behavioral issues so i thought cool i can relate to this boy...Which in turn my fiancee seen i knew how to handle & talk to a child like his so he asked for help & advice.. I felt very proud & welcomed.. & it didn't think to cross my mind to ask his mother first. opitmistic me thought she would probably be thankful..anyhoo, it didn't go over very well. she was offended & i didn't find out thru her i found out thru my fiance. well then there started to be issues with me watching him while my fiancee worked. which as a parent i can understand because she didn't know me. so yes i did offer to meet her or talk to her because i as a parent respected that..my fiancess answer was i trust you & she knows i would never put my son in danger she will be okay and if i remember right she didn't want to meet me...well then things calmed down. then i noticed how she texted him she would sound matter of fact or demanding not asking him to do things but like making them a request & like expecting him to follow thru & he tought to keep the peace he had to. I did't like it. I told him that is not right.. you 2 are no longer together, she has no right to treat you that way & i thought you all was friends? friends don't do that. you need to stand up for your self.. he wanted me to help him so i did well that didn't go over to well... she obviously knew he was gwtting help by his changing.. she started texting him things like "oh i forgot your home you cant talk to me" when ive never came between his communication with his sons mother i just wanted him to stand up for his self & the fact im his woman he doens't have to always hurry up & answer her to avoid making her mad unless it was an emergency about his son & that was for example... & it seemed the more i tried to help him stand up the harder & more she lashed out about me...then things calmed down again & mind you i had only really seen this woman 1 time in person & just said hi.other than that Nothing else...& I do know 1 of his first mistakes was going to her when he & I had our first big fight,..I felt it gave her more ammo so to speak with the way things was going with her & I had already looked up adivce & have Already done everything advised. I have let him handle her & not communicated with her except 1 time thru a letter....& I have kept my mputh shut when his son is around about her...& I have even ignore all her tactics to make me look bad weather it was the back ground check she had done on me then lied to his son & him about what was on it..I ignored the fact she told his son everything everytime she had an agrument with him which she shouldn't have done children do not need to knkow everything when their parents aruge.. now its going on 3 years & still this woman shuns me & tries to kep me out of the loop involving his son who i watch when we have him while my fiancee is at work. I really don't have much problems out of the boy, he actually tends to tell me the truth bout things instead of lying ot me like he does his mom or dad... I don't know what to do..hes been in trouble with the law now & with drugs hes 13 now & al i want to do is help him & get him on the right path..But now shes saying hes not supervised properly because he keeps getting into trouble here.. but if the boy wouldnt lie & steal from us he wouldn't get in trouble & he isn't my child so i cant dicipline him like i know he needs to be diciplined & i am not talking about spanking which at times he needs it.. but because of his mother i dont do it... what to do when oyu've done everything & this woman wil still not stop trying to throw curve balls int o my relationship with my fiancee...
  18. hello, I'm searching for advice on what to do about the communication issues my fiancée has. We have been together for about 5 years and he has always been unable to communicate to me in a healthy way about things I might do or not do that irritate or upset him. I just kind of let it be up until now but I can't let it go anymore. Since he doesn't tell me in the moment what he's mad about or whatever, he will just hold it in until I say something about him. Basically anytime I try to communicate with him he turns it into an argument about me and unloads 5 years worth of grievances. He says he never says anything about anything because he doesn't want to fight but him not talking to me doesn't work because it just ends with him tearing me down any time I try to say anything to him. I'm just about over it at this point. All I want is peace and he doesn't get that what he's doing is creating the exact opposite. How can I make him understand?
  19. Well my fiancee and I recently moved into my step mothers house. Everything was good until one day I came home from work and I had a weird feeling. I don't know why but I had a feeling that they had sex. My dad works out of town and it's just my step mother and the kids. My fiancee has never given me a reason to not trust him. I've been cheated on a lot in the past by my ex bf. I questioned both my step mother and fiancee about it and they said no. My step mother laughed when I asked her and said " eww. That is gross Ashley" my fiancee was calm and said he would never betray me like that. I let it go. Then I brought it up a month later and my fiancee and I got into a huge argument. He started crying really hard and said he would never hurt me like that and that he loves me so much. I've talked with my other family members and they said I should not worry because they do not think anything happened. I just don't know what to think. When I first told my step mom she also said " I wondered if you would think something like that" she knows that I have been cheated on before. Also she is 33 and my fiancee is 21. I just want to trust him andget past this. I'm tired of thinking they did something. Can you have a gut feeling and be wrong ?
  20. My approach to this issue - unless you know the fiancee is truly cheating, has a criminal record, has a drug or alcohol problem or is abusive to your friend AND your friend either doesn't know or is incapable of taking care of herself for some reason, you do not advise her against marrying the person. If she point blank asks, then yes, maybe you can tell her but in my experience most engaged people do not ask their friends whether they should marry the person - and if there were doubts during the dating phase you never hear about those doubts again once the ring is on -- with few exceptions. I'd be interested in hearing from people who gave unsolicited advice to a friend not to marry a particular person where there was no true abuse or any of the other issues I wrote above, but you just felt that she or he was making a terrible choice because of the person's personality/behavior and perhaps you felt strongly that it would get much worse once they were married. If you did give advice, was it a difficult decision to give the advice and what was the reaction?
  21. help! ages 32 & 31 I am in trouble here! I have been in a relationship with a woman from the middle east for about 2 years. She is a religious one I am not so much. Issues started when on her first birthday she flipped out that I only got her symphony tickets instead of something like an iPad. She loved classical music so I thought it was an awesome gift for a birthday but she really wanted a tangible item! She is on a student visa so it has been very tricky with feeling permanence with her. But I forgave her and months later I eventually got her the iPad. Then, she had to leave for the middle east to visit family. Told me she'd come back for my birthday, and my birthday came and she told me she was back in the country! She kept saying throughout the day she will be here in a few hours. I make plans for her and turns out to be a lie, and she keeps saying she hopes she can come soon, months pass. At this point I moved to where I always wanted to go. Its always been my dream and got a good job there. She comes back eventually and she meets up with me and stays for a while to write her thesis, finishing up her masters. All in all she has been a great woman, always loyal, by my side, always cooking out of this world meals. She has been making me a better person and, when she was here, she was supportive of most of my needs. (waiting for marriage for the big one). She finishes her master degree, and has a stipulation with her visa that she got a free masters, now she must live in her home country for 2 years before she could become a resident here. She left again for her country as her visa had expired. My plans were to save up some cash and go there and live out the two years. A summer passes and we make all these plans of living there. However, her dreams of a PhD scholarship were realized and she came back and had different plans! She got a scholarship so I've uprooted my dream thinking I was supporting her. However, I've come to find that she lied while she was away -- she told me she got a visitor visa as per my instructions, me still thinking that going to the middle east was our path. However, she obtained a school visa this whole time! Not only that, but she got it WAY earlier than when she told me -- and I knew something was up. Meanwhile during a two months time knowing she had a student visa she did not mention school once and continued with words of our plan to moving out to the middle east. She missed my birthday again as well as a wedding i wanted to bring her to. She claims her father was very ill and knew she wanted to stay but didn't want to upset me that she couldn't attend the wedding, hence the lie for the visa timing. Anyhow now I am in a very dangerous city in America now when I was in a paradise, to support her. I got a great job and a great house here, and I'm making a lot more money, but I cannot help think back to all these lies. I find out about these lies about when she got the visa and what type she got after I moved across the country to bring her to her school. When she senses I am upset with her she either love bombs me or sometimes screams and says nasty stuff. She is a lovely woman in every other way, I truly thought she could be the one! Now I am thinking of going back to my dream location and leaving her here. I feel bad for abandoning her here but I am not sure it is going to work anymore. I am considering of going back from where I came, with being on the hook for a year's worth of lease payments now. What I've wasted in coming here is equivalent to 10 years wage in her country and she doesn't seem to be phased about not making any changes in spending even while I was searching for a job. What are your thoughts? Am I overreacting or do you think this is how the future will be?
  22. Hi all, I'm engaged to the love of my life and we've been planning our wedding. Well, here's the problem. had an affair last summer with a woman who was in a miserable place at that time of her life. She had no money, no job and no home, so nothing at all. We met in a bar and I took her with me. At the time she was harassed by this old guy, so to start with, I only wanted to help her. I gave her not only money and a save place to stay but a bit of my love. I broke up with her, and only a few days ago I heard that she had committed suicide. Also, my fiancee found out about it and returned the engagement ring. Currently, we are on a relationship break, but she told that she was still considering a future for us. Please give advice how I can win back my (ex)fiancee! Thanks!
  23. Hi, i'm new to this forum,so i apologize if i'm breaking any rule or something, but i need help. I just had a figth with my fiancee (we are getting married in December yaii rigth?!) but since starting this mouth she's getting a little weird ¡n her behaviour it didn't bothers me much because righ now she is on vacations from her job (she is a teacher) and since i meet her like 8 years ago and even her family knows she is unbearable when she has nothing to do, recently i got a new job as a web developer , its my dream job i really love it making money making beautiful websites for the company clients, i'm in a 2 months test period (says my contract) so i'm kind of stressed out trying to make myself a good image in the company, working a lot skipping breaks sometimes, everything to show them i'm their guy so i have been working a lot since i complement my income doing freelace stuff, i happen to be working 12+ hours a day non stop i wake up at 5:00 am , make breakfast for me and for my fiancee rush to the office and get to my sit at 8:00 am and work till 12:00pm lunch time (sometimes i skipp that) till 5:00pm head home make dinner and my luch for next day ( yes fiancee doesn't cook for ) sometimes i ave to do laundry and then like at 9:00pm rush to my laptop and start working my freelance proyects, seriously i'm feeling like i'm going to die any minute. But fiancee has been feeling left out i already talked to her and that this job is important to me and we need the money i will make if i get this job rigth but she doesn't understand, so she have been appearing in the office at the moment i left and sometimes at my break times and its soo annoying bit its all a sing of her looking for time to spend with me, so today she told me how she feels and i asked her an apology and told her that she need to let me know when i'm working too much and if she wants too spend time with me please let me kow ind advance so i can make room to spend time with her, and she got offended for that , she thinks like she is an obstacle for me like she shouldn't ask me whrn she can or can't spend time with me, and i find this way of thinking very childish, come on we need the money and she kows it, she wants to send our kids to private schools and give them the best live can offer but she doesn't like me to work too much? She told me that this isn't what she spected when she commited to me like she doesn't wants me to spend time with her but also wants me to gain a lot of money also we are planning te wedding and then we are planning to leave our country (Venezuela the situation explains itself) and that requires A LOT OF MONEY. So i got angry and yelled at her about how stupid is that she feels that way about me asking her to tell me when she wants me to make room for her on my time and i really think it is is not that i don't love her everything i do is for her, why can she understand me? she doesn't even help me by cooking or making laundry or cleaning our house so i don't have to doit in the few free moments i get, tell me i'm the bad guy here? TL I work a lot, we need the money, fiancee feels left out for that, but doesn't help, appears at my office disrupting me and i told her she needs to let me know in advance when she can and can't come and she got mad at me. Hope you can help me guys.
  24. I posted last week about the situation with my fiancee. I ended up taking a weekend trip without her. I also cut off most contact between us after one of my family members agreed to look in on her. This was to help me get a little distance from her substance-abuse issues. The weekend had a salutary effect on my personal mental health. My fiancee (on the other hand) got a major psychological wallop, apparently. She felt sure that I was going to leave her, and she apparently spent some time reflecting on her own behavior. She said she wants to do AA, and maybe even go into an inpatient treatment program if her work schedule and/or insurance situation allow it. We'll see if she follows through. I'm slightly optimistic, but not holding my breath.
  25. Hello, i need some advice about my fiancee and me had huge fight few days ago but we are still talking and treathend break up eveeytime we fight. The fight was caused that i found out he secreetly met with woman he use to flirt with and some other x when he went home for the his grand mother funeral. All that people he ran to is his high school and neighbor at same time. I was mad after i knew it and he chooce not tell me because i have no cool with it. I felt betrayed, hurt when he promise he stopped talking to her. I have truat issues in him already and we are living together engage and have small baby.
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