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  1. Sorry about the long post, but the background is very important. My fiancee and I met online over 8 years ago, and were good friends. About 2 years ago when we started dating, and recently became engaged. He has a female friend who he's known about the same amount of time. The main difference is we are LDR while she is there with him. When our relationship changed from strictly friendship, the female friend reached out to me, and we started becoming good friends. We would all hang out together when I would visit, and she was very supportive of us getting together, actually encouraging us to take the next step. I thought this was going to be the start of a beautiful journey. Shortly after my fiancee and I became serious, I noticed that her tone with me drastically changed. She started telling me that everyone there thinks they are together/ should be together. She then asked me if it bothered me. I replied and said it didn't, and asked if there was any romantic history. She told me no. I let it go, and continued to work on our friendship. That's when things went downhill. She suddenly started posting tons of pictures of them together on social media, and making it a point to tell me that they were doing date like activities- going to movies, going out for drinks, etc. When my fiancee and I were on dates, she would blow up his phone, and insist that he needed to be there, saying she would kill herself if he didnt go. At one point she told me that she knows more about what's going on in his life than I do, and got very accusatory of my intentions. At one point I let her know that we have a strong relationship, and that what I talk about with him his private. We stopped talking shortly after. I have confronted my fiancee several times about how I felt that she had feelings for him. He confessed that at one point, she had written him a love letter, and confessed her feelings for him. He assured me that he never reciprocated those feelings, and they were strictly friends. I tried to be supportive of their friendship, but brought up concerns with him spending money on her, buying her Plan B pills after her random hookups, and taking her to nicer places than he took me. I set boundaries that I was comfortable with, and things seemed to be going well. Before he came out to visit last time, I reached out to her to try and rekindle our friendship. We had what I thought were great conversations, but she blocked me in every form later that night. On his visit, he proposed and I accepted. I asked him about his friend, and told him that she had blocked me. He confessed that she was the first person he told about his plans to propose, and that she didnt take it well. Fast forward a year. We are still engaged, and planning our future. She is still crossing boundaries. When I confront him, he jokes about it, asking if I still hate her, and making excuses for her behavior. I'm not comfortable with their friendship anymore, and I dont think it's my place to tell him they can't be friends. I dont want to be the jealous wife, but I also can't continue to be left out, always wondering if there is something more between them. What do I do?
  2. I' have this friend who is cheating on her fiancee.. who she met only 2 months ago ..everyday she tells me she is going to marry him because she has too but she is completely in love with the current boyfriend of hers of four years ......i am friends with her fiancee and his family aswell; things are really bad i dont know what to do because i told her many times to be honest with her fiancee but she always try to do the opposite she even told him she loves him which is a complete lie and i know it for sure is that she is marrying this guy for his money, He thinks she is this innocent girl who has never even thought of a guy let alone dating because thats what she has been telling him she has made comments to me in regards to his money that what if he has no money and she wants nothing less then a doctor i told her if she is so confused she should take some time to think about it and first end her relationship with the first one she says she will but goes behind my back and sees this guy again at the same time keep telling her new fiancee she loves him what do i do?? i m in the middle of this wicked game of hers....Did i mention her fiancee is my boss too...... PS...This is just a little glimps on what she has been up to .......
  3. So I have in the past been a very happy calm person but the last couple years have been different. I have progressively started to worry about things more and more whether it be about my fiancee or money or my job or my family. I can't turn my phone off because I am afraid someone will be hurt and need me. The other day I got upset because my fiancee didn't call me right when he went on lunch like he usually does. At first I was thinking maybe something bad happened to him, but then i started thinking thoughts about him possibly doing something that would hurt me. I don't remember the last time I have been relaxed and I am so tense that my back hurts all the time. It is ruining my relationship because I trust my fiancee but these crazy thoughts come in my head and I obsess and dwell on them until I get sick to my stomach. I am having panic attacks lately and I find it difficult to breathe often, especially with Christmas coming and being so worried about money. My fiancee is getting tired of me being upset and worried all the time, and so am I. I dont know what to do and I feel like I am going crazy or something. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone been through this kind of situation? Thank you.
  4. We has to get in future.. thats for sure because the family and relative circumtances.. but she said I need a after 3 years.. I dont want to give her time bcoz she didnt have any good explanations,,,Like i need to study and I need to do blah blah.. we loved each other alot but since 6 months she even dont allow me to touch her just disrespecting me and hurting me and I got so frustrated and I break up near whole family..and my brother tried to join us together after 3 days of breakup but she still gives me attitude and saying you pressure me and torchure me.. I dont know what to do.. I donr want to spy her that what she is doing and why she needs time even we both know that we need to live together in anyways..and now I am in NC with about 2 weeks but She even didnt ring the bell..PLEASE PLEASE SOME1 HELP ME OUT WITH THIS.. Thansk ~Sid...
  5. I been in relationship with my fiancee 3 years and past 6 months her attitude is changed with me..she use to call me and talk to me but now she even dont call me and I do everything to make her happy buy her gifts gold her room furnitures and tried everything to make her happy but she said you are showing me money and always reply with heart broken words..But now she is saying "I need a time" and "Let your love free it come back It meant to be"..I told her everything thing that I love her alot and sometime I also get angry when she behaves like this to me..I talked to her about future and she replies that I dont care about future i just care abt right now..and all my family members saying just give her time..and I really confuse what she is thinking about.. she usually says I need a time to study..which is not right answer.. and today its been 2 weeks we didnt talk and no communications,, I really love her SHOULD I GIVE HER TIME ?? PLEASE ANYBODY CAN HELP ME ON THIS..and why she is thinking like this [/b].. I am really in depress and also lost weight like crazy.. I WANT HER BACK I can do everyhting but cant be her just friend..
  6. Hi! I'm currently in an LDR and my financee just told me that she was held at knife-point and raped by some guy yesterday afternoon. She's a virgin and I was going to be her first, well and then she got raped. She think's I'm gonna leave her and she says, "if you want tobe with someone else, I understand" well I'm not gonna leave her or be with someone else, cuz we're gonna go thru this together and she's currently going thru a rape victims thought process, asking herself questions, feelings of anger, depression, etc. I too am affected by this and it hurts me to see her go thru this. I've suggested that she go to a rape crisis center or a rape counselor to talk to someone. I've also suggested that she talk to me also. (she's not much of an open person with others except for me). I love her so much and I want her to get better and I know it'll take a long time for her recovery, if she indeed recovers from this tragedy. I'll be there for her and right by her side thru this ordeal wanting to help her recover. Thanks for listening musicguy
  7. Hi All, I have a difficutly situation in my relationship with my Ex. I had been in true love with that girl but then, We had some conflicts and i wanted to breakup with her...but couldnt do so as she went to other Country. But before going,she called me at her home. I was unable to make it ,but then eventually i want to the airport to see her off,till then she had thought we had broke up but i never wasnted to make it like this,i wanted to let her know that i will not be able wait for her any more. But that was not the time to say all that,so i just said good Bye with my sad heart as i really loved her.She was crying,yet she said i am going to miss you. She went away and then i thought God has given me another chance of life and i thought to forget her no matter what it takes....Yet i missed her badly....but i thought make it my past.... And i was just over it, when last night i got her Email saying "I miss you too much..Y dont you contact me" And suddenly,the old memories went back,I cannot forget her now.....as i was truly in love with her..... Yet she is away with her Fiancee and i dont want to influence her life any more.... I am a Sincere man as far as that gilr is concerned....and i respect the love i had.....yet i i know she is going to get married to her fiancee as she told me and that was the point of conflict for me..... But that Email..... Its taking me back...She just wants to keep me as a friend..which i cannot be....i dont want to be like that..... I am confused...."SHOULD I reply to her".. First i thought i should not....but does that hurt her feelings?...as i just never want that... Please give me some Idea....How to Overcome this as i just wana see her happy and me going back to her life...willl not do good to both of us as i am not a man who likes to live with the mamories.. Please advise. Thanks in advance. Bye
  8. Hi all, i know i have left some messages on other posts here but now I need some help. My fiancee of nearly 5 years told me last week that she didnt love me anymore, and didnt want to be with me. I cant figure out why, only the week before she was always telling me how much she loved me and how looking forward to us getting our first home, getting married and having children. She has ripped my heart to shreds, i cant eat, i cant sleep, i dont know what to do. The only thing i can do is try and get on with life and not to let her see or hear about me being upset. Some days i am ok, but others like late yesterday i was at home on my own and it hit me i was on my own. Someone please give some advice on what to do now.
  9. Ok as some of you know I have been having troubles with my fiancee. Well she and I talked, and I asked her if she needed space, she said she did and that alot of it has to do with her family nagging her about her major in college. I still don't see how putting me on the back burner is ok even if that is the case I wish she had talked to me about it and I did try to communicate with her on many occasion. Ok.... the girl that I am some what smitten with is going to be at a party I am going to be at tonight. Actually she is coming to my room. How do I know if she is interested in me or not. I mean I hardly know her, but I have been interested in her since the first day I saw her. If I was not engaged I would have got to know her along time ago. I feel guilty having friends that are girls but I also know that if I do indeed get dumped I would like to have some idea of who I could have something with next. I have much love that has had to be bottled up inside this last year, it has had no where to go. I have been living as if I am single, what I mean by that is lonely in my room with nothing ever to do but wait for a phone call, I have been asked by over 7 people if me and my fiancee broke up. Should I try to throw hints to this other girl that I am interested just to see what happens? If anything I would really like to be her friend because she is very interesting. I do not have much exp. with hitting on girls.... I know many of my friends do things like offer a shoulder massage or they just do it without asking. I mean is the very fact that this girl who hardly knows me is coming to my room a sign that she might be interested? And don't worry I am not going to take advantage or anything like that if she is drunk. I know many college guys do that, I am not like that.
  10. zb

    help!!!

    ok... so I don't know if things are getting better with me or my fiancee or not.......we been together for 4 years but this last year it has been as if I am single because she is so busy with her society and college work......but like when she says she has to study or something I will find out from her the next day that she stayed up watching tv until 4 in the morning with her female friends in her dorm... why would she tell me she does not have time to do anything because of homework and then put the homework down anyways..... plus we went from spending every day together to spending maybe 4 or so hours a week. Our sex life has went from 1 or 2 times a week to maybe 1 or 2 times a month... and she just never seems to want to actually call me up to do anything unless she needs help on homework or knows that I need help on homework...... she did call once and awhile to go shopping, now that she has a car she does not do that. We still see each other each day but it is just a little bit of chat and a kiss.....(I instigate) infact I have to instigate everything......she is rarely the one to go for a kiss........ and she can be very cold shouldered in a fight. The problem is I am realizing that now when I am with her I notice how much she nags at me. and based off the other things I feel kind of used. There is also the fact that I am kinda interested in another girl, I do not want to throw 4 years aside because I got the hots for another girl but damn it is tempting. Should I sit my fiancee down and just tell her that i am loosing interest and that I am afraid that if we don't start spending time together I may not last much longer in the relationship? She is going to be just as busy next year with her society because she has a high up position, I will be graduated.... we are suppose to get an apartment this summer but then she will be in a single room during the school year so I may not see her as much or I might see her more since she will have her own room ...........I don't know what to do.... should I at least get friendy with the girl I am kind of interested in.......I think we could be really good friends if anything....... If I got dumped right now I hardly have any friends to turn to......and hardly any prospects for future relationships.......is it wrong to prepare the field just incase I do have to go back into it again?
  11. I’m getting married in a few months. I don’t want a bachelor party. My fiancée wants me to have one. I have no interest in one. First I don’t want strippers. My fiancée says she is cool with it. I’m not. She said she has told my best man that I don’t want them, but she said there is a possibility they could get one anyways. She knows I’m the person who would just leave if one shows up, but told me not to leave. My best man and most of my friends live out of state. I don’t want to travel back home for a bachelor party. I don’t want to drag her brother out there with me either. He wants to go. I honestly would rather save the money. My fiancée has a birthday coming up and I want to take her out of state (a different state) for a concert. It would cost some money that we are trying to save up for our wedding and honeymoon. I really don’t know how to say to my best man I don’t want one, or tell my fiancée. I have already told her that I don’t want one at all, but She basically told me I need to have one. I think they are buying the plane tickets soon, but I don’t want to go. I don’t want to disappoint my friends and fiancée but I just don’t want to. It’s my choice right?
  12. Hello everyone, I am here to tell my story and I am looking for some help. So, me and my fiancée have been together for 4.5 years. I am her first love and she is mine. She has never dated another guy before me, I just had a girl in highschool. We have always had the perfect relationship, no arguments, no moody behaviors. We have been through a lot. She is one year younger than me and after 1.5 years of dating I had to leave for the UK to study in the university. But we never broke up, we had a long distance relationship and it worked perfectly, we became even more inlove. The next year our dream came true and she came to study here as well and we moved in together. Obviously at the beginning we didn't know how to live with another person, but we managed pretty well. Everything was going great the first 1 year. Then we got really busy with university and work and the stress from it we just started spending less time together. She sometimes wanted my time but I couldn't give it to her. I regret this so badly... Anyways, we were still happy, going on holidays all the time, going out a lot. Then a couple of months ago when we were again busy and not spending that much time together she started chatting with a friend from work. She has never given me a reason to be jealous so I wasn't and I trusted her. But this kept on for too long and I decided to read her chats. Well she didn't cheat on me or anything but she started to develop a crush on him. She was telling him that she loves me so much and she hates herself for allowing her to have feelings for someone else because she never wants to leave me or hurt me. When I saw the messages I went to her work and spoke to them. She was so deeply sorry and begged for a chance, I told her that I would have never broken up with her because she hasn't cheated, I just needed time. On the second day I managed to kiss her and everything was more or less normal. But after that, the next 3 weeks were a nightmare, I was totally different person, I was getting angry at her all the time, not wanting to touch her or kiss her... Telling her that I don't trust her(which isn't true). I was just a different person. She told me a couple of times that she can't go on like this anymore but I didn't listen. Then one day when I was angry again she just removed her ring and said that it is over. But we still live in one room and she still hugs me every night and we communicate like friends. A couple of days later she said that she just needs time to decide whether breaking up was the right thing. I had time to realize my mistakes and she had time to realize hers but we are still not together. It has been almost 3 weeks sleeping next to her every night, wanting to have her, regretting miserably. We are perfect for each other with the same vision of the future. I don't know what to do, how to give her time but not lose her. In 3 weeks time I will leave for the summer, we will be seeing each other around every 2 weeks but will probably sleep in different rooms. We decided that whatever happens we will still live in the same house until we graduate. I don't know what to think and what to do. I know that she is the one, I want to make her believe that things will change. We have never ever had big arguments... Without her in the UK my life is pointless, she is all I have... She still says that she loves me but she doesn't know if we will be together. I know that I am young(22 and she is 21) but I never liked going out with different women. I believe that a man and woman should be together forever and love needs hard work. Any advice? Should I go no contact over the summer, should I still make her surprises, should I show her I love her... What should I do before the big conversation? Sorry about the messy writing. TLDR: My fiancée broke the engagement and said she needs time to decide what to do because we hurt each other. But we still live together, sleep together, chat like friends, go shopping etc.
  13. I am a arab girl who lives in europe now and i have been struggling for the last 3 years in a relationship. I dont know if all the realtions have to be this hard or just me...I have been insulted and boolied by my boyfriends family. In fact we were “ engaged“ for 2 months. They cane to our house and asked my hand that was 2 years ago. At that time I was still in my country and him already in europe. And had problems with visa.. he propsed to marry in Europe because he cant afford to make big wedding at the time and my family refused and said that there is no rush, I have to focus on my career and I will get visa sooner or later and when you are both ready you get married. They didnt want me to be a burden on my fiancee at that time he was student. His family did understand the whole thing like if we are not accepting because him... and specially his mother she was furious without a reason. Then I have had a short trip to europe and we me and my fiancee met with out telling anyone. His family thought that we got maried secretly.And here they became threatning me and told their son to quit me. He tried a lot to convince them, and he came home to talk to them and my family My parents were ok and wanted to clarify the misunderstood and his father was understanding too but his mom and sisters they were on fire! She called me many times to threten me then when I didnt pick up she sended me messages Then they hacked my social media accounts and knew that we still talk... and they began to threaten him too... we have all things about you too and if you dont quite here we will make a scandal! In that moment I told him to go and leave me alone I dont want these devils in my life. But he insisted to never leave me. Then after 2 months I got my visa and came here. Since that we see each other everyday. Our families think that it s over but itnst. It s even more! He is such caring and loving person and I cant imagine my life without him. What should I do. They are such evils that I cant imagine my self dealing with them again in my life. He is not talking to his familie now and so angry and keep proposing to me and I refuse and postpone it. He even boought a beautiful ring but I didnt accept it. I see them between us and this is making me crazy
  14. my fiancee and I been dating for 4 years. I was aware that he takes care of his baby momma but it didn't bother me as much as it did now. Since they have two children together I know it's normal . Now it's just too much, the mother barely work , she is lazy . My fiancee takes care of her completely pays for her house which is $1500 a month and all the utilities and food that you can think of. He pays for her insurance car and health. money if she needs to go shopping or buy something from the store. She is a 100% depending on him. he says he's been doing this for 17 years for her . No , his baby mom does not have any dissabilty . their youngest daughter is 7 and the mother is 37 years old. .. My fiancee and I work very hard 7 days a week and most times 12 hours shifts . I feel like I'm working to take care of his baby momma . A lot of women have children and still work. why can't she? not to mention the oldest is 16. I'm not sure I can do it. excuse my english since its not my first language what's your advice for someone In this situation ?
  15. Last night my fiancee told me that an ex boyfriend of hers, whom she is now friends with and speaks to about every 3 months or so, is staying over her apartment on Monday night. I have never heard of this guy until last night, I've known her for a year and a half. Her apartment is 270 square feet and is a studio with a bed loft, so she would be sleeping right above him,(there is no way to put that which doesn't sound perverse) as the loft is right over the sofa bed. The place is small, they would be falling all over each other. Anyway, I am freaking out because this feels like a breach of trust. They dated 10 years ago, so their relationshp isn't recent, and that's a plus. However, during the conversation, she told me they had dated for only like "30 seconds" 10 years ago. Ummm, 30 seconds turned out to be 8 months and they lived together for a large portion of that time. She broke up with him and has no feelings for him.(i don't question this part at all) This guy needs to sleep over in New York City because he has an early flight from JFK and doesn't want to have to travel all the way from Red Bank so early in the morning. I think that's a completely ridiculous reason. She says it's because he's poor and has no other friends in NYC. I also think that's ridiculous. Take a bus. Sleep on the street. Hitch hike. Whatever. I completely trust my fiancee and I don't think she's thinking about anything but helping a friend, but I don't trust this guy and I just don't like how this feels. Is a boundary being crossed? Am I overreacting by being pouty, jealous, fearful, and hurt? Any advice would help, I tried to put up all the pertinant information. Thanks very much. Sincerely, John
  16. I'm in a real tough situation and wanted some unbiased opinions. Me and my ex-fiancee (we've been together for 5 years) moved to Northern Virginia back in August for her teaching job. It was the first time we've lived together. While I've hated it down there, she hasn't minded it too much. We are both locked into contracts with the school districts and our lease isn't up until August. Anyway, the Thursday before Christmas we had a huge fight before we came back to our hometown for Christmas. It was a petty fight that just escalated into a huge issue. She told me she didn't want to see me for Christmas when we got home and I got stubborn and made her eat her words. Well, during the time we have been home, I've been miserable. After not seeing her for Christmas, I realize it was a total mistake and I miss her like crazy. I went out with my friends for 2 nights when we got home and completely didn't want to talk to her because of the fight. She called me late night to talk about Christmas presents for our families and I told her to take them back because I was still mad after telling me she didn't want to see me. This was her olive branch so to speak. Well, fast forward to New Years Eve and apparently she met someone new in the 9 days we were home. She said we are finished, but we still have to live together. I told her I just want a chance in the next 5 and a half months to see what happens with us. I love her a whole lot and it kills me that a petty fight escalated into hell. She said that anything is possible, but she's ready to move on. I'm devistated that she met someone new that quick. To top it all off, I proposed on New Years Day 2 years ago and it's hard not to be with her right now. I'm hoping that she's just talking mad right now and that when she sees me things clear up. This has been the longest we've never seen each other in 5 years and I hope something clicks when she sees me tomorrow. How can you live with an ex that you are crazy about? How can we co-exist? I'm going to see her tomorrow and I'm so nervous I can't stand it. Thanks for any help.
  17. ADVICE please!!! Calling all men!!! need your help!! I am embarrassed to ask this question despite my anonymity. Nakedness or darkness? I have had two children from first marriage. I am now engaged to a guy and I insist on never taking my shirt completely off without darkness in the room because my pregnancies made my once tiny tone belly look like a deflated balloon. I think it would be a turn off for my fiancee but I also worry that he gets turned off by my inability to be comfortable with my body. So given a choice of seeing a woman confident with herself and free to be sexually expessive and unihibited... or seeing a not so perfect body of the woman you love, which would it be? PS. woman out there; am I the only one with this hangup? HELP!! I think I'm frustrating him!! but I'm afraid he'll think I'm not so pretty anymore.
  18. here is the background... i am 21, my fiancee is 22. we have a 4 yr old son together. 3 months ago we moved down to alabama from northern michigan. we were staying with his brother... i left all my family up there, so to say the least after 5 weeks in alabama, i was wanting to go back home. i talked to him about this and he didn't want to go back, so he called his mother who lives in florida, and my son and i went to stay with her for a couple of weeks... my fiancee then came down to be with us, and i somehow let myself get talked into living down here in florida now. i am really not happy here and still want to move back to michigan to be with my family. i have discussed this with him numerous times, he will act like hes listening, then the next day it is like we did not even talk about it. i feel like i am stuck here. his mom will call, and tell him to apply for such and such a job and he will just do it.. he never tells her no, it is like her feelings come before mine. i love him to death we have been together for 7 years, but i do not know how to make him understand how miserable i am... i am VERY close to my family and being so far away from them is hurting me, i can't deal with just seeing them a couple of times a year. how do i make him understand? to see things from my point of veiw, he is used to seeing his family only a couple of times a year. i know he loves me, i just do not see it. i don't think i will be okay until i am back home... any advice will be greatly appreciated thanks, jessica
  19. hi there everyone well my long term girlfriend and current fiancee is a virgin, I have respected that aspect of her life for the duration of the relationship because its a beautiful thing, and I wish i would have done the same. We do engage in sexual activities, mostly she gives me hanjobs or blowjobs. I love going down on a woman, and I really wanna taste her sweet juices, but she is afraid that I would pop her cherry. My question is, can oral sex on a woman break her hymen? I mean with out the insertion of the tongue or anything. Also, if there are some people here that had a similar experience, can you please give me a few pointers on what to do in the bedroom, cause we are really running out of ideas (she is not into anal sex at all). thanks
  20. life. My fiancee and I have had a lot of problems physically and mentally throughout this first year of our relationship and we've managed to overcome them. We've also had numerous problems financially. Everyday seemed to be a fight to overcome one problem or another. Eventually things started going smoothly. Or were we just being lulled into a false sense of security? Recently I started organising the wedding (Civil Ceremony in England) for next July. I telephoned the Registrar's Office and came up against a problem straight away because she's Austrailian. I was told to contact the Immigration Office. They informed me she has to be in England 7 days as a resident before we can make an appointment to go infront of them to get permission. Even I have to show my passport and I'm a British Citizen and was born here! I then phoned the Registrar again and pleaded with them to keep us a slot for our wedding on 21st July. They agreed to write it in provisionally. I just get that problem solved and then there's another one 'thrown' at us. I've found 2 lumps in my left breast! The doctor's confirmed them and I have to go to the hospital 17th August for x-rays, scans, etc. They've told me I'll be there for 4 hours! I'm not going to tell my 2 younger sisters or Dad because my Mother died of cancer in November 2000. They didn't cope very well then and I know they'll be more of a hinderance than a help now. It's usually me who has to hold them together and I'm finding it hard enough to hold me together right now. My Fiancee lives in Austrailia and she feels like she's letting me down but she hasn't got the finances at her disposal to jump on a plane right now. She's supporting me as much as she can emotionally. She understands what I'm going through because she's been through the same procedures before. I wish she was here to hold my hand through the whole thing. I'm worried because I have Fibromyalgia Syndrome (she has too) and that makes pain 10x worse for me than a 'normal' woman. The women I know that have had biopsies have all said that the procedure was painful for them. If that is the case what is it going to be like for me when they stick the needle into 2 individual lumps in my breast? I'm frightened! The irony is that when I was young I wanted to be a boy. When puberty came I wanted my breasts removed. That continued for most of my life! Last year I had to decide whether I was bi, a lesbian or wanted to have an operation to change my gender. Eventually I realised I was a lesbian and fell in love with my fiancee. She loved me for who I am and unconditionally. It was then that I realised for the first time in my life I loved my own body. In just over a week there's a possibility I have to make a major decision involving my body. Haven't my fiancee and I been through enough already?
  21. Hi, Here is my situation. I have been with boyfriend for over a year. We really do love each other. We went through our share of ups and downs, but we always managed to stay together. Well back in December, he propsed to me and it caught me by such surprise. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but in time I decided to say yes. Now it comes to part where I have to tell my family. I love my family dearly, but they don' t think that he is good enough for me. I have two degrees (one is a doctorate) and he has none. He is also about 5 years younger than me. Another thing that is an obstacle is that he is white and I'm black. They feel like I should marry someone who is the same status, and preferably the same race. They worry about what society and other family members would say. They aslo worry that marriage will end up in divorce like many of the marriages in my family. I don't care what others would say because I'm not close them, but my immediate family means a lot to me. Even when I mention the possibility of getting engaged to him, they go into the whole thing about how I should see other options and that he isn't worth it. They still don;t know we are engaged. To make things a little more complicated. My fiancee wants me to live with him. However, my family want me to stay with them. Basically for the past few months. I've been trying to balance my time with both my fiancee and my family. It was easy at first because I was in school in the nest town over where my fiancee stayed, but it got harder because my family wanted me to home. This whole situation is putting a strain all of us. My fiance has been nothing but patient with me , and now he is getting very fustrated. I worry that he is going to just say forget it and dump me. My family has issues with me spending the night up there because it looks like i'm being "loose", and I can't tell tham why I'm doing it if me and him are just "dating". I feel like i'm pulled in all directions and my pressure has shot up really high and i can't seem to get it down on time to get this job I really want which is stressing me more. I want to make everyone happy, but all this sneaking around and secrets are making me sick. I'm 26 years old and I feel like I'm old enough to make my own choices. I just worry that my choice would break someones heart or even give someone heart trouble (my family has hypertension). Please help me.
  22. Ok here's the thing. I was engaged a while back for almost two years and one morning he just CALLED ME and dumped me, for no reason. Then started chasing after one of my friends. He claimed that he had gotten "bored with me". So of course I broke down. I mean he was my fiancee, so it's not strange to break down. I have depression now thanks to him But it's been nearly three years since and I still think about him occasionally. I loved him and I know I don't LOVE him anymore but I believe I still care about him. How can you care about someone who treated you so badly though. When we would be alone I would tell him I don't feel like fooling around but he would keep on anyways. When we were in his bed just laying there talking he would practically "take advantage of me" of course he didn't BEAT me while doing it but he would push when I said no a million times. I'm engaged to another guy now who treats me like an angel, he treats me better than any guy I have ever been with but for some reason I still think about my ex and it's killing me. My fiancee knows that I still think about him but he doesn't know about my dream the past few nights, the same dream. In the dream my fiancee was in the hospital and I went on a trip with my friends to calm down and stop worrying so much, my ex ended up going and somehow I fell back in love with him....I'm worried that if I tell my fiancee he'll take it the wrong way, hopefully it's not something to worry about but can someone help out or at least advise me a bit.
  23. Jorus Cbaoth

    unsure

    I have a buddy of mine who has a problem. He doesn't like the idea of telling people his problem over the internet so I said I'd do it to get some feedback. So his fiancee/wife of a couple years goes on myspace a lot (go figure). She had a past history of doing certain "things" at an early age (you get my drift), some alcohol problems etc, some verbal abuse from the family, essentially a rough childhood. She comes with a lot of emotional baggage. My buddy is a good guy. Hard worker, dependable, loyal quiet type. He was her first, and was raised in a clean Baptist childhood. They fell in love, got married, they fight alot but they're very happy together. Anyway, he finds out that she added this guy to her myspace. She had.. you know.. with him 2 years before they married, and he's a complete loser. He told her to cut all ties with him (he did this for her), and she refused. He feels betrayed and extremely awkward with her talking to him, she feels like she's being controlled. So, who does the compromising here? I would appreciate any input, it sucks seing my good friend so distressed. Much thanks, Jerome
  24. SO my fiancee and I are cooking dinner last night. I am right by his phone. He is receiving a pic message. I say "ohh, you got a pic from someone, can I see it?" He acts all private. I look and its a txt that says Thanx, yummy! from his "best friend" who is married and lives in CA. far away from us. I txt back w/o him knowing saying WHAT? She txtx him again with a picture of her punani. You know what I mean? Anyway, I freak out! He starts yelling at me that he has no privacy. I am pathetic. I control him by trying to know everything about his life. Nothing is just for him anymore. He called me dumb. He said--It's over! He said a lot of cutting horrible things to make me feel bad. He lied and said that he didn't know why she sent that to him. He can't control what is sent to him. He blows up and leaves. Well, he left his phone. So I see that he had sentg a pic of his * * * * to her. Who knows what other things were sent he had erased his sent txts. I txted her back and said--Hi, this is Heather. Do you really think this is appropriate? Of course she didn't respond. I left and stayed in a hotel. I am freaking out. I am supposed to marry this guy and he is doing this behind my back. I don't trust him. Or should I be okay with this!?!? I feel disgusted, embarrassed, sad, etc....HELP?
  25. First off, I want to explain, that I wasnt the best bf, I was crabby, unhappy about my body which I vented out. No excuses I should of never been like that, but in some way it felt like a mid life crisis. The good part of me is that I am a true romantic, and always showed her how much I loved her, she has a busy schedule with University then work right after, then studying after that.. She broke up with me on asked me to leave our house 2 weeks ago. This has been the hardest thing I have ever went through, I love her so much, and I am willing to change and be a happy person, good caring and repectiful. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago, and said she still loves me, and that she just needs time to her self to try and find that love again for me so I can move back. So as of now we are both single, and she tells me know even if we date others it might show us that were meant for each other, I am so scared of hearing that, honestly. I just want to concentrate on us, working things out, without the dating factor in the background. I am giving her her time, but i have noticed now she has made new girl friends, and she is going out to the bar every weekend now. I trust her, and yes she is single, but I just want my sweet girl back. I wanna move back home, and I wanna work things with us and make a beautiful life. She said if were meant to be .. we will end up together no matter what. But we all know sometimes in life that is not so. What can I do... to prove to her I want to change, that I want to be her man, we were suppused to get married this summer, but she called it off. All i wanna do is work things out with me and her, I know she is the one for me. I love her. Any suggestions, thank you all so much, I need so much support. Sincerly, Jason in Canada
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