music_soul

Thank you Hope75 but no I can`t talk to my parents. I have an abusive father. And I mean both physical and emotional abuse. I guess my mom just lost her strengh. he hasen`t been giving me a nice time lately either. and all my life, or at leat ever since I remember. But I´ve always been able to cope with things, there have been some very rough times, but somehow I always managed. But it just broke me, and I am at a point where I really am at the end of my strengh. when I was still a child, I decided just to give up on live but due to some luck I am still here and I am glad I am still alive and this time I`m going to fight. I spoke to my one friend today and she wants to take me to a doctor now. It`s a really weird situation for me, but today was just the day I finally had to make a change

well now I managed to tell him that I don`t want to see him anymore. he nearly cried and everything, but well, he just doesn`t understand what he`s done to me. the last time i saw him he was really drunk and a good friend also told me that he`s doing drugs again. but i don`t really feel sorry for him anymore, or well, yes I do, but not that much because I just feel so horrible at the moment. I feel like I´m going crazy or something, I just can`t sleep anymore. This may sound stupid, but it`s areally big problem for me by now. I haven`t slept properly for about 2 weeks now, and if I ever get to sleep I have horrible nightmares. it`s 3 a.m. where I live and I have to get up in 3 hours but if I try to go to sleep now, I`ll really go insane because I can`t sleep before 5 a.m. anyway, but as soon as I go to bed I get really afraid (well, first the memory kept me awake, now I`m afraid of the nightmares) and I start crying and shaking. please help me I don`t know what to do it`s driving me mad, and I`m really worried,too because I have some important tests at school next week but I don`t even get to study, because I feel so horrible. I becoming to tired to learn, as I have a maximum of 1 or 2 hours sleep per night. But somehow not tired enough to sleep...and although I´m really tired I just can`t sit still or be quiet or learn or anything, I kind of have to keep moving all the time and it drives me mad if I`m alone!! Honestly, i can`t be alone for more than an hour. Then I just get completely restless and it drives me mad. But at the moment all I wanna do is sleep, but I can`t. I already spent an hour crying tonight and thats enough, I usually never cry. it`s just good to let it all out... all I wanted the last weeks was someone to talk to, so.. thank you!!

Hello everybody. Thanks a lot for being so kind, your comforting words really helped me. And believe me I`d really like to give him a good kick in the ***, but I can`t. It`s just that he`s been one of my very best friends for a year (before we started going out) and for some reason we`re trying to stay friends, he somehow still means something to me. Well, at the same time I don`t ever wanna see him again. But I just can`t leave him all on his own, he`s had a very difficult life, and just started to make something of it again, I don`t want to ruin anything for him. And he was also often the only person I could talk to, and who was there for me. But when we meet now (about 4 times since we broke up), I always get so sad and so angry and I so don`t wanna be there, but I just can`t leave him and that really scares me, beause I kind of feel like he could do anything to me and I still wouldn`t leave him. Let`s just say that ever since I can remember, I wasn`t really good at saying no, or putting a stop to people who don`t do me good, so I made it my number one rule to get rid of any guy who doesn`t treat me properly. I have always kept this rule, no matter how much it hurt, and this is the first time I can`t, and it really scares me! Plus he is the first guy I had sex with, and now I just feel such a hatred towards sex, and I so regret it, because I simply wasn`t ready to have sex yet, and now I feel like a * * * *, because it was so early in the "relationship", and I wanted to keep my virginity, I wanted to wait for the right guy, who I have strong feelings for and have a long and serious relationship with. But now...the memory of how I felt that night... hurts. But the present situation really scares me because I just don`t know myself nomore and I feel a little helpless, as I don`t seem to be able to control myself anymore. I`m sorry I wrote so much, so thanks for reading and...every advice is truly appreciated!

I managed not to cut myself for 3 months now, but now I have such a strong desire to do it...I have been behaving so stupid lately and did everything wrong. I hate myself, because I can`t get get the wish to cut out of my head. I feel like I have to punish myself...I know that`s wrong, but to be honest, that doesn`t help me much right now. I`m new on the forum and I never really had the chance to talk to somebody about it when I feel like this before...I don`t know what to do and I`d be really grateful for any kind of help. What do you guys do in these situations?

Hello everybody, last week I broke up with my boyfriend but he just doesn`t seem to understand my reasons. now I`m wonderin whether I`ve been overreacting or not and maybe somebody can help me because I`m rather confused at the moment. we only went out for about one and a half months, during which we had many problems, because of his jealousy and many other things and often he said or did things which truly shocked me and scared me, but the following is my biggest problem: From the very beginning on I kind of felt disrespected when it came to sex, because he didn`t really bother about what I wanted or felt ready for, but I talked to him about it and things got better, until we had sex for the first time. I was still a virgin and told him I wasn`t ready yet, but he ignored it completely and then I kind of played along because I felt I had to. a week later we had sex again but it was horrible because I had terrible pain. he wanted to sleep twice with me that night but for me it was so horrible that, the second time, i said NO, and tried to push him away and I kept saying no. after a while I only lay there nearly crying and screaming because of the pain, then I finally managed to push him away.he was a littled angry then, because he hadn`t ejaculated yet and then tried to get me to give him a blow-job, I told him I didn`t want to but he kept pushing down my head. a few days later I broke up with him but he doesn`t accept my reasons, but I wasn`t overreacting, or was I? I