wildorchid

Thanks everybody! I'm seriously considering everything and I suppose if I cannot resolve the issue, maybe it would be best to move on But I'm going to try a little longer before I make a decision. Yesterday, he knew that I was on a relationship forum as I had to use his internet since I don't have it at my house. Every time he would come over I would minimize the screen and told him that I wanted some privacy. He was concerned and wanted to talk about it right then. I wouldn't and just said he didn't have anything to worry about right now, I just wanted some advice and I would talk about it with him later when I thought it was a better time. So - later when the better time came I brought him out to the couch, straddled him, kissed him and told him how much I loved him and then talked to him about it again. I told him how his "oh God" comment when I wanted him to go down on me the other night really hurt my feelings because I feel he has no interest in trying to please me even though he wants me to always do it for him. He made a comment that maybe even if he did it I still wouldn't be satisfied, that maybe he wouldn't be good enough. I told him that one time when he did it he was actually really good! He said that I was just saying that to make him feel good - but I told him I was serious he really was good (it really was) and I wanted it more. The conversation went the best it ever has on this topic - he made a comment "it bothered you so much you felt you had to go on-line and talk about it" and I said yes it really was an issue for me. Then I told him that I really wished he would touch my body more during sex because I really enjoyed it and it made me feel good and sexy. Our conversation ended very affectionately and we were kissing and saying how much we loved each other (he needs a lot of reassurance.) We didn't have sex though last night because I had my son and after dinner and homeowrk and the bedtime routine we were both tired but now I am thinking that the issue may be a lack of confidence in his ability to please me - he does have self esteem issues - but the longer we have been together the better things are getting between us and the more comfortable he gets. In the beginning of our relationship he wouldn't undress in front of me or shower with me which I had never encountered before in a guy (they usually just let it all hang out in my experience). I didn't understand because he is VERY attractive and the best looking guy I've been with. He's comfortable now and doesn't want to shower WITHOUT me. I think also part of the problem may be me as his hesitance and seeming lack of enthusiasm and desire for sex in the beginning made ME uncomfortable and way more self-conscious about myself and the way I acted also changed and I started thinking more negatively about my looks and feeling way less confident... So then we were both having self-esteem/body image issues. Geez... I'm surprised we've made it this far sometimes with that combination! But we honestly really, really love each other and our relationship gets better all the time! He isn't selfish with me in other ways - he works out of his house (which he owns) but spends every night at my place because I have a son and an earlier schedule and it is for my convenience - he usually gets up a little after me, but will take my son to school any time I ask him (I don't ask him a lot - but if I want to go to work early or am running late...) - recently I was feeling really tired and was discouraged about getting behind on house chores and the next day when I came home from work I saw that he had done the dishes, cleaned the bathroom (scrubbed the toilet and everything)and bedroom, taken out the trash, etc. and since then he has been helping out more. He's left sweet little sticky notes on my mirrors several times for me to find when I get home from work... I do a lot of little things for him too - we are good to each other and i really don't want to be without him. I really hope that lack of self-confidence is the problem... Well, today is Valentine's Day and I am getting off early - so my plan is to go home, shower, put on some lingerie, get out some flavored lube (got the idea from another thread I was reading and thought maybe it would help) and see how things go... I'm typing a book... sorry. Wish me luck and thanks for the comments!

I have a very loving relationship with my boyfriend, we are together every night, are planning on moving in together soon and talk about marriage and having a family together. He is very loving and affectionate and I don't have any doubts that is is in love with me... but our sex is the most unsatisfying I've ever had. In the beggining my main concern was frequency, it seemed he wasn't interested very often. This has improved but I still have a problem with the quality. I've brought up the subject many times and the discussions don't really get anywhere and I feel like he thinks I'm being ridiculous to feel the way I do or to want things differently. I'll explain things a little bit... first of all there is rarely if any foreplay, he barely touches my body with his hands and most of the time my shirt doesn't even come off. He's never willingly just gone down on me or done something special or extra to please me. I have orgasms but it's always from me climbing on top and basically taking care of myself. On the other hand, I have always done what he likes and wants and go down on him probably 80% or more of the times we have sex. I have mentioned to him that I don't feel things are equal and that women like variety and other things too and I'd like him to do more for me like I do for him. I even bought him a book called "how to make love to a woman" that I'm positive he hasn't bothered to look at. I'm very clean and don't have an odor problem, I've asked him if he had negative experiences in the past and if that's why and he says no. The last time I pushed him down there, he said "Oh God" like it was such a chore for him to do that for me. I swear I can count the number of times in the past 8 months he has gone down on me on one hand. Everyone else I have been with loved doing more for me, touched me more, gave me oral and basically seemed to care a lot more about my satisfaction. Besides for the lack of oral, the way he doesn't touch me makes me feel kind of bad - like my body isn't sexy enough for him to want to put his hands on it. But I know that I am an attractive, fit person and other men have always made me feel very sexually attractive. My boyfriend wants me to come, he just doesn't want to do any work to get me there. I'm a very sexual person and while I realize there is much more to a relationship and I am satisfied in all other areas... I find myself gettng really upset when I think about our sex life. If we get married, I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I'm not all that pleased sexually. Because of not getting anywhere with discussions in the past, I am now uncomfortable with briging it up anymore and I wonder if it would even do any good. As much as a love him and want to be with him... I also don't want to feel this way anymore. Our sex reminds me of porn that basically caters to men and glorifies female servitude. It probably will help to mention that when I first was dating him I discovered on his computer the biggest porn collection I'd ever seen a guy have before. I also know he went 5 years without sex after his ex-fiance broke up with him. I have brought up also that I think he may have a porn problem that negatively affects our sex life but he tells me that he rarely even looks at it and when I told him how much it bothered me that he had so much he deleted his entire collection from his computer. I still think that so many years of relying on that for his self-gratification is probably the biggest issue here - but is there any way to work on it to make it better - is there anyway I can do or say things differently to get a little of what I want or is it a hopeless case? Any suggestions?