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Ms Omaniac

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  1. Ms Omaniac
    well...this is what i think. i might be way off here but im putting myself in her shoes and am telling you what i would want. if i was her...and i was crazy about you but you held back too much...i would still be crazy about you but try to ween myself off of you because i would feel like the relationship is too one-sided and that would scare me. mind you...i would still be crazy about you. if i finally broke up with you but couldnt manage to do nc so i keep calling, emailing, texting..etc...it means i cant get you outta my head despite how much i want to. if you put your cards out on the table and told me everything id finally wanted to hear...personally....i would DEFINITELY try to work things out with you. i might get slack for this because normally...when you end a relationship...you should try to move forward and not look back. that's thinking with your head. now thinking with your heart...that's much harder to do with clear logic. that's just my 2 cents.
  2. Ms Omaniac
    wow...im prob the wrong person to answer this but i figure i would just so that you can have a well-rounded set of answers. personally...if we clicked really well...i would want a phone call the next day. if he didnt call me the next day...id understand but try to hold back in liking him too much. but personally...if i felt like we clicked and he called the next day...it would reassure me we DID indeed click and it's not all in my head. he liked me as much as i liked him and wants to see me at our earliest convenience. even if it's just a call to say hi...im thinking about you...see you soon in a few days kinda thing. just to know im in their thoughts would totalllllly make my day. but if he called me in like 48 hours...id start to lose interest because id think...wow...i cant stop thinking about how great he was but i guess he isnt thinking the same about me.
  3. Ms Omaniac
    you know...i remember towards the end of my one awful relationship...we both did stupid petty things like that. when i told my therapist...she said sometimes people do that because they miss the other person in their life and want to talk to them but hate them or dislike them or cant stand them...so the only form of communication is to pick a fight. say anything...just to get any type of answer or response from the other person. she says they do that because any type of response...whether it be good or bad...shows that the other person must still mean something if they actually gave a response. the worst thing you could do to them in their eyes is to completely ignore them. this shows them that they are insignificant in their life now or that youre moving on without them. this makes them feel as lowly as possible. that's why the cliche "the best revenge is living well" is aptly applied here.
  4. Ms Omaniac
    i believe it happens to all of us. i know i did it more frequently than id like to admit. but the space gaps in between the breaking of nc got bigger and bigger. and after each contact attempt...i felt so stupid and hurt that it also made it more easier to do nc. it's ok, buddy....everyone goes through this and learns from it. youre just doing the learning curve when it comes to NC in broken relationships. just keep trying and try not to beat yourself up too badly about it.
  5. Ms Omaniac
    i found your letter to be very concise and unbelievably sweet. you have your valid points...that makes you look like your are trying to help her AND yourself. so it also looks like your act is not selfish whatsoever. you also ended it with your sweet petname to her and tried to keep it as lightly as possible despite the situation being as stressed as it is. i hope she grants you your wish and sees the letter for what it is...someone who is hurting but is trying to keep things light so that there is minimal pain involved. beautifully done....i guess let's just see how well both of you handle the situation. good luck.
  6. Ms Omaniac
    i understand you want NC...and you want as much support from your friend as possible. i also understand not wanting to know any details about your ex so that the healing process will be faster. but i also think...being that he is your friend and he wants to date your ex's friend and not your ex...that maybe that is a bit much. not that i dont blame you for trying to control your environment and to do as much damage control as possible. but you could set some ground rules without completely controlling the situation. you can insist on when he does date her...to not ever mention your name or your ex's name. that his relationship with this girl is JUST that...their relationship. also, you could say dont tell me details about your ex...even details about his current relationship. but i know i personally wouldnt like the situation at all but i would have to deal with it because i live in such a small, close-knit community that everyone knows everyone or is related to them. it's just something you have to deal with. - ivy
  7. Ms Omaniac
    well i hope he keeps trying. and i bet youre more emotional than normal because of your pregnancy. hang in there!!! when you do talk to him later...i hope you can get accross to him that because of his emotional infidelity...that youre more paranoid/anxious than normal. and that being pregnant...with your body changing and your hormones going crazy...doesnt help either. that you will need constant reassurances of his fidelity to you to make feel secure since now...he has made you an insecure mess. he needs to put his family first and be lucky that he hasnt lost it yet. good luck. he does at least seem to be trying which im pleased to hear. hope springs eternal. - ivy
  8. Ms Omaniac
    hang in there mw. and youre right....youre doing the right thing. your own advice is right on the dot. so about the most i can offer you is encouragement. ive been in a situation like yours...where i gave and gave and received little to none. i was even the one dumped in the end. i felt awful...like i was so worthless. it took a while also to shake those feelings. but when i was finally ready to date again...i finally found someone that is as nice to me as i am to them. and it's a great feeling....much better than i could have possibly imagined. what you reallllly need is to have time to yourself to heal properly...become an independent, happy person. and then find someone who will treat you with loving respect and care and is as attentive towards you as you are to them. you deserve much better than that and im glad youre not standing for it. ive learned the hard way that people will respect you as much as you respect yourself. and if you continue in your current relationship with this girl...you will be treated like a doormat. good luck and take care. - ivy
  9. Ms Omaniac
    that was a reallllly interesting read. thanks for posting it. i sent that in an email to a few friends of mine. i know of a few people who's marriage ended in divorce because of an online romance that was virtual...they never met but the betrayal was immense. i can understand that also. i feel like an emotional infidelity is harder to deal with than a sexual one...though both are absolutely awful. but i find it much more difficult to know their heart is being shared as opposed to their body. - ivy
  10. Ms Omaniac
    i agree...i believe he is embellishing ya'lls relationship to get sympathy outta this other girl. i think he craves the attention. he even told you it's hard when someone is throwing themselves at him. he sounds like he is being selfish and is enjoying all the attention this new person is giving him. i hope he realizes for both of ya'lls sake though that he is ruining his relationship with you. i, also, would be unbelievably insecure. i would not know when i could trust him and when i couldnt. you two need to go to counciling for your peace of mind and for him to see/hear the damage he is causing by his selfish acts. no one deserves to be treated like that and he needs to see that. how would he like it if you did that to him? he needs to empathize with you and realize his relationship with you is INDEED all he needs. also, personally, i find that emotional infidelity is much, much, MUCH more painful then sexual infidelity. i think giving/sharing your heart with another as opposed to your body does way more damage to me. - ivy
  11. Ms Omaniac
    I'm very sorry that this happened to you. this must do quite the number on your self-worth. i hate the feeling that i can be so easily replaced....been there. i hope you see this more though as her not wanting to be alone as opposed to taking this personally. what youre going through, to me, would be one of my hugest nightmares. it doesnt seem fair. but hopefully you'll be able to use this to try and get over her sooner. - ivy
  12. Ms Omaniac
    like the others...i agree that 4 months is a little premature. the only 2 cents that id like to add is that she IS pregnant. and pregnant women have a roller coaster of emotions. maybe she says stuff to you she doesnt mean...she's just going through some kind of chemical imbalance. some women also suffer from post partum depression...soooo even after the child is born...there may still be some problems. i suggest try to be understanding and maybe ask her about this. - ivy
  13. Ms Omaniac
    i too suffer from the same ailment. i make myself miserable...no one else does. this affects my relationships from my friends to my family to my boyfriend. i wish i could tell you how i finally got better. but i did. i suffered with it for years...even tried suicide and was institutionalized. i actually have small bouts every now and then...but at least it isnt constant like how you are describing. i feel like i'll never be 100% but the way i am now is finally livable because i do finally experience happiness again. the biggest help was finding a way to enjoy being alone and independent. easier said than done...took a lonnnnng while. but i love to shop and learn stuff about either psychology, biology or computers. and i love to listen to music and watch tv and being around my cats. i was on several diff types of meds also and saw a therapist. they did help some. i found reading about my ailment and talking with others made me feel like i wasnt alone on this. when i was instutionalized...i met a lot of people that had what i had...and some much worse. i felt grateful that my surroundings werent as difficult and was relieved to know that i wasnt the only one that found living a very difficult thing to do sometimes. hang in there. sometimes life does get better. mine did. im finally relieved that im here and not dead. - ivy
  14. Ms Omaniac
    personally...your ex prob thinks he is being a nice guy to continue talking to her. he reallllllly shouldnt. she is still reeling from the breakup and would jump at a chance to get back with him. ex's really shouldnt be friends until they both have properly healed and can handle being friends. - ivy
  15. Ms Omaniac
    personally...i wouldnt wait. you need to have more self-respect, sweetee. no one should make you wait on a MAYBE. if that's the case...she will continually walk all over you if you two do get back together. you need to be with someone that respects you and cares about you as much as you care about them. and that person would NOT string you along. - ivy
  16. Ms Omaniac
    personally i think NC will do you more good. your heart still is healing and it will never completely heal if he is still there. plus...you say he let you go too easy. well it will be much easier for him if youre still around...it's like having his cake and eating it too. he should miss you to realize how great you are indeed and what he is missing out on because of his choices. i personally tried to stay in touch with an ex that i still had feelings for. it was a disaster. he truly wanted to be friends and i was always hoping for so much more. it was a year of torture on my part. i couldnt get over him. he finally decided NC and i finally then began to start healing. i think you can stay friends with an ex when both of ya'll truly want to be friends and dont want anything else in the future. - ivy
  17. Ms Omaniac
    im sorry but i believe this person may have lost interest. i met my current bf from the internet and wild horses couldnt keep me from seeing him again or calling him. he is the bright spot in my busy day which is a day im never too busy to talk to him. - ivy
  18. Ms Omaniac
    yeah...actually i have an anxiety disorder. i know my thoughts are irrational and i make myself miserable and it affects my relationship with my current bf. lucky for me though...my bf is very understanding and that slowly makes me less anxious. when i start acting irrational...he calmly lets me know im not thinking straight and to take a breather and he leaves me be till i can clearly think straight. i have found that constant assurances and being understanding does a world of good to the point that i need it less and less because i trust in him and the relationship more and more. - ivy
  19. Ms Omaniac
    everytime i start to have doubts...it starts a snowball effect...and then next thing i know it...im miserable in a relationship that i should be happy with. that's me though...i have awful anxiety. im trying more and more to just enjoy the relationship and to try and not sweat the small stuff. unless the doubts are realllllly warranted...id try to not worry about them. - ivy
  20. Ms Omaniac
    i personally would not have any contact with this person. ive tried that before...kept in touch with an ex that was my whole heart. it was excrutiating to say the least. i couldnt get over him no matter how hard i tried. i kept trying to get him back also. when he finally decided NC..i finally started to get over him. that was at least what happened to me. im sure others could have been stronger and stayed...i was too weak and heartbroken to overcome that and lost a dear friend. - ivy
  21. Ms Omaniac
    ya know...the guy im dating kinda went through what you went through. he got out of a divorce and was pretty much in your shoes. he got separated late last year and his divorce was final in july. the way we met was that he had a personal ad up on yahoo stating he was looking for just friends. and frankly i was too...i didnt think i was ready for a relationship because i had just gotten out of one also. but my god did we click. weve been dating now for 4 months and we're sooo close now. we are both so happy. i know im glad i was there for him when he was sad and alone and i know he's glad he makes me so happy. i havent been this crazy about someone in years. sometimes...it just happens. - ivy
  22. Ms Omaniac
    hi yowser i just read both of your posts. god it was like reading the most awful part of my life. i went through almost exactly the same thing you went through years ago. like you...i was so depressed i couldnt stand it. i had to be institutionalized because i did try to commit suicide. every day was hard to bear...i hated going to sleep and i hated waking up...i hated going to work and i hated weekends. it felt like nothing in my life was great and that id never be happy again. i missed my ex tremendously even though towards the end of our relationship he was sooooo cruel and mean. that was eons ago and it feels like a different lifetime ago. there is hope and i hope you see that. i am sooooooo happy now with someone else. and i remember thinking years ago that id never love another but i was very wrong. what helps is nc and time and then HOPEFULLY meeting a great person that is as decent to you as you are to them. now i finally enjoy life and im glad i didnt die. and i finally am over my ex and want nothing to do with him. he did call again...eventually...but since im finally over him...i didnt talk to him. i...like you...was terrified and deeply saddened thinking he hated me for getting so psycho. now i could care less. ive never acted so irrationally...and i know now...my relationship with him towards the end was very toxic. i have never acted that way since. hang in there...life does get sunnier. - ivy
  23. Ms Omaniac
    anyone who strokes your face...yeah...they totallllly are interested. the only person's face i stroke is my bf. there is no other face i want to touch so yeah....TOTALLLY ask her out. - ivy
  24. Ms Omaniac
    hi catlover i TOTALLY understand what you mean. im the EXACT same way. it's not like my bf gives me any reason to doubt him. i just sleep better hearing him say nite. i get overly anxious if i dont. i would, though, TRY to resolve this. this is your issue. this is something that he is not responsible for but is nice enough to call you every nite to "tuck" you in. you should try and see it that way...that it is very pleasant when he does but not to make yourself so needy to make him feel obligated if he doesnt. - ivy
  25. Ms Omaniac
    i personally don't see the big deal in him borrowing your car. you two sound close enough that ya'll are a couple...and he prob feels comfortable enough to use your stuff because he has no problem sharing what he has of his with you. i guess if it realllly begins to bother you...you should ask him about it nicely why he borrows your car so much now. but i also would do it in a way to try and not make him feel like he is a burden or pain. you will hurt his feelings...and that in return...will make you feel bad. at least that is what i think. - ivy
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