tihash

My girlfriend recently told me that when she masturbated before she met me she thought of celebrities she had crushes on, and imagined she was having sex with them. She now claims she thinks of me during masturbation. I didn't know girls thought of celebrities when masturbating, and imagined having sex with them. Is this normal?

Thanks for all the advice. Like I said, both of us are happy with these rules, but we never discussed dancing in this context. These rules evolved over time as we both did things (not cheating or anything wrong) that unintentionally made the other feel slightly uncomfortable. We never wanted that to happen, and both were happy to come to this agreement. I am hoping she respectfully declines any invitations to dance from strangers, and was wondering if I would be out-of-line if I felt hurt if she did dance with strangers. She is there with her mom and dad, and she told me she knows only about 8 people there (family members) out of the 300+ guests. The reception is six hours long, and if you drink, you must stay until midnight to take a shuttle back to where the cars are parked at the church. I trust her, but my fear comes from the fact that in the past, and once in our relationship, she has drank so much she did not act herself and then had memory problems the next morning about what happened the night before. In fact, when it happened with me, what scared me is she forgot she has sex with me the night before. So, I think that is where the insecurities come from.

My girlfriend is atteding a cousin's wedding out of state. I was invited by her, but could not get off from work to go. I would have liked to have gone, and tried my best to get the time off but was simply turned down by my boss. My question: Should I feel upset if my gf slow dances with other men she just met at the wedding? (I have been with my gf for 6 months, and we established mutually acceptable and mutually desired boundaries early on: basically, we do not hang out with friends of the opposite sex without each other there, we do not go to bars or clubs without one another, and we do not think flirting with the opposite sex is ok. I know many people would think this is overboard, but both of us like it that way.) Thanks for your thoughts on this. I did not discuss this with her before hand, and assume she will be asked to dance repeatedly as it is a large wedding and most men consider her attractive.

Epilogue: We sat down and talked about it last night. Bottom line is she has no feelings for the model, she understands she needs to be careful about who her real friends are, and she volunteered to not speak to people anymore who are obviously only interested in hooking up with her. I didn't have to "lay down the law." She finally got it, and saw what I was trying to show her. She came to her own conclusions. She was visibly shaken when she got there (out of fear I would dump her), and after having our talk, I am willing to take a risk and trust her (even though I trust no one) because I think she is sincere and really does care. Nonetheless, I will still be a little cautious. After all, I have known her for 6 weeks, not 6 years. Thank you to everyone who helped me through this. God bless you all.

1. Zero. 2. See #1. 3. I don't know, but even if you were to gain weight, a very moderate cardio exercise program will keep it in check. Hope this helps.

I really appreciate you guys for helping me, and appreciate this forum. I think I would be much less threatened by this is if were some random guy at work who likes her (there are at least 5 by my count). But THIS is the guy she had a crush on forever. This is the guy who she said she would have dated if only he asked her before we met. This is the guy who won’t take no for an answer. This is the guy who she never spoke to before we started dating... He is not a pre-existing friend. This is all new. What I don’t get is ... Why would she want to be friends with him when she knows she was (is?) attracted to him, she knows he is attracted to her, and she knows I am uncomfortable with the whole situation? Isn’t that disrespectful, if nothing else? How can this new “friend” mean more to her than her boyfriend? I think as I type this out things are becoming more clear to me...

I talked to her about it at lunch over the phone. I started by asking if the "friend" in the parade was the model guy. It was. I told her I didn't want to have anything tarnish our first Valentine’s Day evening together, and wanted to share a concern I had with her on the phone before tonight. I did not come accross as jealous, needy, or insecure. I calmly explained I trust her, and I know she gets hit on a lot, and that does not bother me. What does concern me is when people like the male model keep making moves on her and she maintains a "friendship" with him. I told her i have seen things happen. I told her I have been "the other guy" a girl cheats on her bf with, and the other guy a girl dumps her bf for (both true, and I would never do that again). I told her i would never cheat on her (also absolutely true), and part of how i can ensure i wont is i wont put myself in a compromising situation. i told her she can have all the guy friends she wants. but when a guy friend asks her out, or makes a move on her, or anything like that, he ceases being her friend at that point. i told her she is somewhat gullible with men (she agreed) and doesnt even see it that way, but to take my word for it... If the guy wants to sleep with you, he is not truly interested in being your friend. She said something like yeah guys may hit on her, but they are still her friends... they know she would never do anything with them. dont worry... i wont cheat on you, not ever. She refused or could not comprehend how this is a concern to me. I told her i would see her tonight. I am seriously considering dumping her. I would never tell someone what they can and cannot do, or who they can or cannot be friends with. However, I was hoping she would volunteer to not actively be friends with people like the model who continuously keep asking her out, and say things like “Well, if things go south with your boyfriend, I’m always here.” That bothers me. Wouldn’t that bother you? Are these people really her friends if they won’t take “No” for an answer?

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I think I was unclear about one point... they do not work together. My gf is in a control room and the guy is an on-air model. Everyone there who does live TV get two, 2-hour breaks during the work day so they stay fresh and do not screw up live on TV. It is during these 2-hour breaks that he seeks her out, she puts down the book she is reading, and they talk. For how long, I do not know. But it is not a casual 20-second "Do you want to get coffee later" thing. I distinctly get the impression he is working on her, chatting her up, whatever you want to call it.

I met my new gf about 6 weeks ago. She is very attractive physically, and is 25. Apparently, until about 2 years ago, she was 60 pounds overweight. In her own words, she was "chubby" her whole life until 2 years ago. Now she is slender. She is constantly hit on by men. She is very, very attractive, and her self-esteem is just now catching up with her new good looks. After about 2 or 3 weeks of dating, she had a big talk with me about whether we were exclusive. She explained there is a guy she works with who is a male model (she works for a TV shopping channel) that she had a "crush" on for months. He never talked to her until then, when we had been dating a few weeks. He asked her out, and she said to me: "I didn't know what to say to him." She wanted to be exclusive with me, and I agreed. She even asked later that night, "What if the male model asks me out again?" I said, "Tell him you have a bf." She was so happy when I said that. Apparently, 2 days later, he asked her out again, this time to coffee after work. She told him No, but she did not tell him she had a bf. She just said No. I know all this because she casually mentioned it in conversation to me. She even added, "I told him No, but felt so bad." She then realized she had slipped up, and said something about how she really cares for me and wouldn't date anyone else. This bothered me, so the next time we were together in person, I told her it bothered me and told her why it bothered me. I gave her the option of going back to "just dating," and letting her date the male model or anyone else she wanted to to get it out of her system. No questions asked. We could still date casually, and see where it goes. She refused, and affirmed she wanted to be exclusive with me. This male model (whose name she has never told me, even though she calls all other friends and coworkers by their name when talking about them) apparently asked her out a third time a few days later. This is like 2 weeks ago. This time, she told him she had a bf. He didn't give up, and asked, "Ok, but are you happy with him?" She said yes. He also mentioned to her he was going to be in a parade on a float that we have locally in this area. My gf and I go to the parade last weekend. At one point, she asked me to stand in front of me so she could try to see her "friend from work" who was on a float in the parade. She never did find him at the parade. I thought about asking her if her "friend" was the male model, but didn't want to look jealous. That was a mistake, as it has been bothering me. This guy is not her friend; he wants to sleep with her. And she had a "crush" on him for months. She even once said it was too bad he didn't ask her out a couple of months ago before we met. I am concerned that they talk every day at work, and she is getting to know him more and more and one day will dump me for him. I was almost starting to fall in love with her, and obviously my concern over the male model is making me not trust her and have doubts. I want to ask her about it all, and I fear I am correct that they talk at work a lot and are "just friends." But I feel like it is emotional cheating, especially because she did not tell him she had a bf right away even after we decided to be exclusive, and the fact she admittedly is attracted to him and is getting to know him better and talking to him. I know I can't control who her friends are, but this guy never spoke a word to her until after we were dating, and now they are "friends." And he didn't back off once she turned him down a few times for dates. Advice please. I was hurt by lies and trust issues in my last relationship, and do not want to get hurt again.

Thank you to everyone for their replies. I am grateful that each of you, who never met me, would take a few minutes of your time to help. It is appreciated. To answer sorryjason’s questions, she left me for a few reasons, but she never could articulate them: she is from a small, rural town, and I think she had real problems living with me 3 hours away from home; she began pushing me to get married, but I was wanting her to commit to her leaving her home town and living with me permanently (me moving to where she is was not an option; I was the breadwinner in the relationship and have a good job in a suburban area that I could never get in the small town, PLUS over the years she would move in with me for 6 months then move back home, and then move back with me, etc... she couldn’t stay away from home); her sister made a series of bad mistakes (is on welfare, married a man who won’t work, keeps having kids even though she is broke, quits her job willy nilly) and my ex was in a co-dependant relationship with her, and would do things like give all her money to her sister and then not be able to pay her own bills as a result; and finally, she had issues keeping a job and staying focused, and for that reason I was holding off on proposing. The thing is, she had it inside her to be a responsible, committed person... but she could only keep it up for a few months at a time. I was hoping she would be able to be a “grown up” for at least a solid year, and then I would have felt safe committing to marriage. We met while I began grad school, and our lifestyles meshed well when we both were ‘kids.” After I graduated, got a real job, and moved away from the college town, things were different. My real issue now is: Why does it feel like I just got dumped? It has been almost a year, but discovering she is married has really thrown me for a loop. I thought the depression would go away after a day or two, but it is stronger than ever. I thought maybe it would be closure, knowing she is gone forever... But it is very sad nonetheless.

My Ex and I were together from 1/14/99 to 4/23/03. She dumped me. After 4 months of no contact, we began talking and got back together in late 2003. She moved out in December of last year, and dumped my just before Valentine's Day this year. Unlike the last break-up, we kinda kept talking this time. In July, she called me and told me out of the blue she was getting married in January. I didn't know she even had a new BF. The call came only 5 months after we broke up for the second and last time. For some reason, I looked up the EX's yahoo profile last week, and apparently she is already married. It was last updated in early October, and she was married by then. This really sucks, especially since the holidays have reignited some nostalgia in my mind. I still love her, but am not in love with her anymore. I guess I am still not close to being 100% over her. I was really shocked by how easily she moved on. I cant honestly say i wish her the best. I know that sounds awful, but it is true. As someone who hates letting go, I am offended that after 6 years with me, it took her only 5 months to find someone else and decide to get married. One year ago today she was living with me and all was well. Today, she has a different last name. To make matters weirder, her husband is 21. She is 29. I am 28. Here is an ironic twist. Last December, before the breakup, after forgetting to get me a birthday card, she went through all of 2006 and set up ecards. i hadn't gotten once since like the 4th of July, but got one from her for Thanksgiving. I opened it, which triggered I guess an auto email to her that I read it. Saturday, she sends this email to me: "i forgot that i had gone through the entire year and picked cards to be sent at later dates...i havent sent you anything and wont...please disregard anything else you receive in lieu of hallmark from me... thanks. p.s.- there is no reason to respond" After NC since July, I have to admit I was hurt by the curt and nasty tone of her email. I never hurt her, never cheated on her, and always loved and cared for her. I really wish when she thought of me she would have a smile on her face, especially after 6 years together.