doug

Was looking for some guidance on a situation which makes me very anxious. Each month I work 7 nights in a row, my girlfriend likes to go out and have a good time when I'm at work at the weekends. I do not have a problem with this. I do worry about her when she is out though because she usually has too much to drink ( and perhaps other things ) and seems totally unaware and out of control. I'm sitting at work doing a pretty responsible job which can be disasterous if I make one key stroke wrong. I feel absolutely terrified sometimes because I never know where she could be and what shes going to do next. In a word 'erratic'. I start worrying constantly at work. We have spoken about this and perhaps I don't choose my words very well sometimes and I come accross as possesive and jealous. I love her so much but I don't want to feel this anxious, any ideas ?

I really need advice now. Well just to cap off a crazy three months. I am now caught between two brilliant women. Just as quickly as I was dumped my situation has turned around and changed into the opposite with a twist. I previously mentioned the girl from the other week, well I found out yesterday that she liked me and we have been in contact all day...but on Saturday night I met someone I really like too - she is coming to visit me tonight. I dont double date people but I thought the first girl wasnt interested. Obviously i cant let either party know - this is a dangerous game. I suppose Im not really with any one of the two and I can maybe get to know them both before I decided. OMG this is so unbelievable..??? help...

Yo, hope your good my man ! Yeah its great you've got that buzz again finding someone new ! I know how you feel, i'm in a similar situ. I don't want to seem needy either. I thereforeeee think you should just continue as it is for a little while yet. Continue to have conversations on the phone and then you can kinda drop hints and she how she reacts. You will get far more from a telephone conversation than email. If this progresses then perhaps you could offer to meet up in person. Just a little patience friend.

I think you should cut off ties. It really is the only way to heal. Ive tried to remain in-contact and get on with my life after my recent breakup and it didnt get me anywhere fast. It was difficult to do NC after speaking to them after the breakup but day by day your urges will fade and you will begin to heal. 1. You think less about him 2. You'll start feeling attracted to others 3. You will have bad days, even months down the line. 4. You will feel more in control of your emotions Incidentally I slept with my ex after the breakup and it really screwed me up. I didn't even sleep that night. I knew that it was going to be the last time I would ever be intimate with her. Hope your experience wasnt as bad as mine ! lol Just try and weather this storm, things will get better in time....stay strong,stay positive and try and maintain control.

Yeah points taken, you really do not know what is going to happen unless you try. Heloladies, I agree you got to try many different people. Its the only way you will find someone who is compatible with you. Girl I met on Sat was a bit special though. I was going to ask my friend for her phone number tonight. I just found out that they had kinda been seein each other in the past. Incidentally he is not one of my close friends, but is brothers with my best friend ! Makes things complicated, I don't know if I would be into giving someone my ex's phone number ! She did come on to me though which is why I'm thinking what I'm thinking now. I dont want to cause friction between everyone so I think its best I leave this. If Im given the opportunity again to meet her in person I will try and see if shes interested. Thanks for your advice again everyone. You are all great ! peace out

Thanks for all your responses guys. Come to think of it, any relationship I have had in the past didn't require this much effort to initiate. So yeah I agree, you've got to leave it to chance. I do think you have got to put yourself out on the shelf though, which I have been doing. Problem is that I don't wanna hurt anyone by dating and dumping. Suppose if you wanna make an omlette you gotta break some shells though ! lol I met this amazing girl on Saturday though but I think I kinda blew it. Not by something I said but, without going into detail, I was taken aback that she liked me and I got abit nervous. Maybe this was a bi-product of my previous rejection. After I've said that though I do feel healed. I know this because I'm excited about meeting someone new. I wish my ex all the best. This all happened for a reason. Just wish I had made a move when I was even VERBALLY asked to on Saturday. She is a friend of a friend, I could ask for her phone number - suppose I've nothing to lose. I am a bit apprehensive though as I could have read this all wrong. Maybe she just wanted a bit of fun, I really dunno. Bozman : I rarely see my ex. To be honest I can't think about her. It takes time...'outta sight outta mind' policy has helped me.

Its been a while since my last post but basically its been 3 months since my breakup with my gf of 2 years. We also lived together which made things even more difficult. I've been to many dark places over the last three months. Faced my demons and learned about myself. Coping with being alone has been difficult though. Done about 4000 miles in my car since we split as I couldn't bear to be in the house on my own. I'm now a bit more comfortable with it but still have moments of pain. I feel like I am over my ex. Don't really think about her at all now. Just feel like she left me and I was forced to deal with all the consequences. I've travelled in the last 3 months on my own. Which was scary as it was thousands and thousands of miles from home. NC with everyone back home. But the expericence was worth it as its helped me feel more comfortable about being on my own. In converse to this I miss not having a gf. I've been involved with 5 other girls since then but nothing has really came of it. Am I trying to hard to replace my ex ? It would make me so happy to find someone that I really got on with. Anyway, suppose I just need to be patient.

What are you all about ? really. Did I ask you to read my previous posts ? I just wanted a 'high' level response, hence the high level questioning. If I wanted war and peace I would have given intricate details. Thanks for your response anyway.

To answer atomics question, yes I would go if she wasnt there. scorpio, without goin into too much detail, have many previous posts ! We were together 2 years, loved together for a year. She broke up with me because her feelings had changed and she wanted a perfect relationship. Its been almost 2 months since the split.

Well guys - me again. Need advice : Ive been invited to a night out that my ex will be attending next week. Should I go ? I feel better about things now I suppose. I just want to show her Im strong enough to handle this but on the other hand this could make me feel terrible. What do you think ?

Think I have finally let go aswell, what a relief ! I decided to try and capture what I went through tp get there though. Dont know if this helps but this was just my experience and my reactions ; I have to say though the last couple of days have been brilliant. Feel like my ships really turning around - my moment of clarity. If I could give advice to any of you guys, I would say ; 1. Go through the pain, try and control yourself and your emotions at that time. Very hard though....very hard. You may do a few things that you are not proud off, if you do dont be hard on yourself. Its very hard to REALLY take advice from link removed at this stage. You got to do what you gotta do; deal with it your own way. 2. You'll feel lonely, isolated, confused that you got to deal with all this crap. No hope. Friends / Family are just voices, you cant listen because you got this all playin on your mind. No escape and you cant run away from it. 3. Dont drink dudes, this will only accelerate the anxieties you want to illeviate. 4. Get busy. Be proud of yourself. Respect yourself. She/He was not worth going through points 1 and 2....again...and again - Chin Up ! 5. Get out the house (being in the house drove me mad - too many constant reminders !) Drive your car, take a walk. Do something that scares you that you always wanted to do. 6. RELAPSE - well it happens ! probably end up at point 1 and 2 again this time with fresh fuel for your overactive minds fire ! Guilt, regret perhaps some understanding sets in. Anxious ? Nervous ? No confidence ? Weak ? UNDERSTAND - the carpet has been hauled from under your feet. Your still in shock. This is your minds way of trying to comprehend the situation. Its normal to feel a whole range of intense and varying emotions. 7. Get yourself back on track, time heals so much. You start to get used to your new life, you climatise. Still hard though as you still have feelings for your ex. Pain will subside a little. 8. THIS WAS NOT ALL YOUR FAULT. Did your ex seem to get over all this quicker than you ? did they not seem to be in as much pain as you ? Well guys you didnt go to hell and back for nothing....your healing and understanding more about who you are as a person. Your ex only mearly moved out of a relationship for their own reasons. Their reflection period happens later down the line - perhaps when they are alone and they hit rock bottom. Most of us got to go through this. If you havent been rock bottom then good luck to you in the big wide world ! Its should be your goal to improve try not to feel sorry for yourself - you will snap out of this ! 9. TRANSITION PERIOD - I have just come out of this limbo 2 days ago. That was a strange place to be but again part of the healing process. Please friends dont be worried about being alone forever - you wont. You got to have hope though. Hope turns into dreams, dreams turn into goals, goals give you direction which inturn gives you the confidence to proceed. You'll attract so many people along the way and ultimately you'll be happy with your life. I WISH THIS FOR ALL OF YOU. 10. CLARITY - so what you made some mistakes. Think of these as learning opportunites. Dont concern yourself with their life. Is she/he happier with their new bf/gf - who cares. You can find your own happiness. On your own. You went through all this pain and now you can handle anything. You will feel better as each day passes - this is all a matter of time. Your relieved of this burden, a burden you could not control. manipulate or influence in your favour. You survived your breakup. Hears to the future.

thanks for the advice tears. I have to say though the last couple of days have been brilliant. Feel like my ships really turning around - my moment of clarity. If I could give advice to any of you guys, I would say ; 1. Go through the pain, try and control yourself and your emotions at that time. Very hard though....very hard. You may do a few things that you are not proud off, if you do dont be hard on yourself. Its very hard to REALLY take advice from link removed at this stage. You got to do what you gotta do; deal with it your own way. 2. You'll feel lonely, isolated, confused that you got to deal with all this crap. No hope. Friends / Family are just voices, you cant listen because you got this all playin on your mind. No escape and you cant run away from it. 3. Dont drink dudes, this will only accelerate the anxieties you want to illeviate. 4. Get busy. Be proud of yourself. Respect yourself. She/He was not worth going through points 1 and 2....again...and again - Chin Up ! 5. Get out the house (being in the house drove me mad - too many constant reminders !) Drive your car, take a walk. Do something that scares you that you always wanted to do. 6. RELAPSE - well it happens ! probably end up at point 1 and 2 again this time with fresh fuel for your overactive minds fire ! Guilt, regret perhaps some understanding sets in. Anxious ? Nervous ? No confidence ? Weak ? UNDERSTAND - the carpet has been hauled from under your feet. Your still in shock. This is your minds way of trying to comprehend the situation. Its normal to feel a whole range of intense and varying emotions. 7. Get yourself back on track, time heals so much. You start to get used to your new life, you climatise. Still hard though as you still have feelings for your ex. Pain will subside a little. 8. THIS WAS NOT ALL YOUR FAULT. Did your ex seem to get over all this quicker than you ? did they not seem to be in as much pain as you ? Well guys you didnt go to hell and back for nothing....your healing and understanding more about who you are as a person. Your ex only mearly moved out of a relationship for their own reasons. Their reflection period happens later down the line - perhaps when they are alone and they hit rock bottom. Most of us got to go through this. If you havent been rock bottom then good luck to you in the big wide world ! Its should be your goal to improve try not to feel sorry for yourself - you will snap out of this ! 9. TRANSITION PERIOD - I have just come out of this limbo 2 days ago. That was a strange place to be but again part of the healing process. Please friends dont be worried about being alone forever - you wont. You got to have hope though. Hope turns into dreams, dreams turn into goals, goals give you direction which inturn gives you the confidence to proceed. You'll attract so many people along the way and ultimately you'll be happy with your life. I WISH THIS FOR ALL OF YOU. 10. CLARITY - so what you made some mistakes. Think of these as learning opportunites. Dont concern yourself with their life. Is she/he happier with their new bf/gf - who cares. You can find your own happiness. On your own. You went through all this pain and now you can handle anything. You will feel better as each day passes - this is all a matter of time. Your relieved of this burden, a burden you could not control. manipulate or influence in your favour. You survived your breakup. Hears to the future. tears : If your bf is giving you anxiety attacks I think you should seriously consider your relationship. I know we put up with things in relationships but is this really making happy ?

Thanks to both of you for your comments. Yeah, i think i need to calm myself. I cant worry about things i cannot change (like my actions from the past) - I didnt even do anything that wrong, if it was wrong at all. I should just be myself and people should accept me for what I am. Hopefully I can leave a good impression but I know I cant be everyones cup of tea. Thats that i suppose. I think this breakup has made me insecure. Rio, as you say, I need to get on with my life and I agree, I suppose I would not be human if I never showed emotion. I just need to calm. Im thinking erratically and its not helping me, as you can see from my posts. NC is the only way for this to work for me. Trying to be friends is just not working for me. Holding onto hope is also destructive but hard to shake. Im all mixed up because Im still trying to be friends with someone when I still want a relationship. She doesnt want me. I just want to be civil about it. Man this is so hard!

My recent breakup with my ex gf has had a serious impact on me. I feel like I am no longer a human being. I have went from being happy with myself and my life to losing complete control of my emotions and feelings. I am being hard on myself perhaps but my imperfections have been amplified for all to see. I feel that I have to make changes and overcome any my issues. Now I feel guilty about things I did/said in the relationship and things that happened once it ended. I feel that I screwed things up real bad. I am now consumed with guilt. My problems lie with not wanting to put anyone out and trying to make people like me. ie I would rather have friends than enemies. Or if people dont like me they at least think Im a reasonable person. Which I think I am. In the relationship 99% of the time I think I made her happy we had a few arguments but I NEVER expect not to have a difference of opinion with my gf. I didnt think this was such a big deal. Both my ex and I attended a party after the breakup, went cool for a while even although I was cutting up inside. My friend who has been with me through all of this started an argument with my ex and her friend. Got a bit messy and it killed me that everyone fell out. I gret. I couldnt control my emotions. Prob made things worse. Got an email from my ex's friend today - she seems none to impressed with me. We used to be good friends. Couldnt she see that I was hurting ? Well now im a nervous wreck. I cant believe how I have fallen. I only ever wanted to do the right thing but in retrospect Ive handled this all the wrong way. I dont know what to do, I dont know where to go. Ive lost faith in my future and I feel vulnerable and open to anything else that can attack me just now. Anybody ever felt like this ?

Sorry to post AGAIN !, you guys must be gettin bored ! I feel better than I did yesterday even though my ex sent me a txt at 3am this morning. She must have been drunk ! Anyway had another flashback today and was wondering what you guys thought. I foolishly went to a party that my ex also attended after the breakup (mentioned in a previous post). I handled it well but my friend kind of took the law into his own hands and flew off the handle at my ex and her friends, who were all incidentally mutual friends. This really upset me because such a big fuss was made of it and I became visably upset at the party. Total nightmare. Now dont get me wrong I respect my friends loyalty and intentions but its kinda made things difficult. Im just of the opinion that I didnt want any and I mean any of this to happen. Its happened though and I suppose thats that. How do you think I should approach this ?