Ms Omaniac

I had an ex that told me that and then TOTALLLLY meant it. he was very over me. but then i told another ex that...and after 1.5 years...wished desperately i had him back. he didnt take me back...not that i blame him. totally my fault...i didnt appreciate him.

I think it's not a red flag. i can understand him being frustrated for the umpteenth time that he isnt cheating on you and that he loves you and cares about you yet you continually question it. and then even you say you question him and get in huge fights. that gets old. but youre overly emotional with the stress of your upcoming marriage and your recent abortion. talk to him and tell him that...that youre sorry but you cant help feeling this way and to please try and be understanding. im sure youre hurting him but im positive you really really REALLY hurting too. he is trying to be there for you....you can tell. i think you have a fantastic guy. i think even though you keep blowing up...he tries to factor in why you are and stays despite the fact youre making him question why he's with you. but the fact he does stay shows he does love you and care about you. try not to question it so much. ive left a relationship because of that. it gets reallllly frustrating and old after a while and i dont have the strength to continually swear up and down im true and faithful.

dn has a good point. there is a quote from that book "he's not that into you" that reminds of DN's post. summarized it basically said "there is some girl out there that is glad you and your crappy ex didnt make it." and that's true (not that im saying your ex is crappy...that's just the quote) im very glad my bf and his ex...who treated him awfully...didnt work out and that he finally had the strength to move on. i am very devoted to him and appreciate him and im glad he finally had the strength to try and date again.

hi merickso doing the NC is really what's best for you right now. i guess you know that...little messages can bring on big setbacks...even if they were meant as nicely/innocently as possible. and youre right...it's hard to see your ex moving on with her life. BUT that's the reason she left...she needs to find herself. hopefully she'll be able to soon. once she does...then she can again re-evaulate what she wants in this life and who she wants in it. so for all you know...the faster she finds herself...the faster she will come to the realization that you two should be together. it's not much hope. but the only way also she'll miss you is if you arent there. she has to look back fondly on you and miss you. so while she is trying to find herself...you need to become more independent and find yourself. truth of the matter is..if she IS going to want you back...she is going to want you back with you being healthy mentally. if she goes back to you and youre a mess...that is more of a reason to let you go because she'll feel guilty youre like that or she'll reason that she needs someone that is where she is at mentally. keep posting on here to vent. take care of yourself above all.

it's easy for me and my partner to keep things interesting because we have so much in common. we watch movies together, play games, cooking and ALWAYS talk. he's the easiest person to talk to and i love listening to any stories he has to share. we also both have interests that the other dont know much about so we get to expose each other to new things. he showed me the botanical gardens the other day. that was such fun...walking around, holding hands, talking and making jokes. we also keep the bedroom acts always changing. we dont do the same things/positions every time. also, sometimes there's music or low lighting.

Carnelian Im actually glad you chose to not delete your posts. I really do like seeing a wide range of opinions. it's interesting to see also how one bad act can really scar a person and change their attitudes and views. it's also nice to see when someone like you realize you spoke too soon and realize why you were so harsh about it. it's a learning experience for you to see your reaction and a learning experience from someone like me to see that you have had a couple of hard knocks from a situation like that...and to not prejudge you so harshly. i actually agree with you to an extent. you SHOULD be able to trust your partner. but when your partner's actions become more questionable...that's when the awful insecurities start and you have to start thinking if this relationship is still the same and if it's still as rewarding.

i understand parkersoups. i first found this site when i was just dying from an ex cheating on me and then dumping me. this site was unbelievably helpful. i got fantastic advice and stories of their experiences. it really did make me feel not alone. and now that im in a healthy, happy, fantastic relationship...i still come here almost everyday to listen to others and try and give any encouragement or help if i can. this is a very rewarding site and very helpful. some of these people have such huge hearts and give such great, succint and accurate advice. i hope your NC keeps making you stronger and stronger. hang in there.

Carnelian i agree with you in the sense you should be able to trust your partner. and they should trust you. and if they are living with the opposite sex...that also is understandable that they have the ability to control themselves. i actually lived with my best friend for 2 years no problemo. but i also believe that Deveryn has reason to be upset because it appears that his gf and this other guy have something that is being developed that looks fishy. she is giving him more and more reasons to make him insecure and it's not right. the way you treat someone that you like and someone that is your friend are different. it sounds like this "friend" is slowly gaining ground that once belonged to soley Dev. that would make ANYONE insecure. and then they want to live together? the temptation to me would be too great and the feelings between those two would get more and more intense. i dont see any good coming of it.

i would have a huuuuge problem with that. i understand having close male friends. my best friend in the world is male. but one thing that is VERY obvious is that we are just friends. not a single guy ive dated ever got the vibe that we could be a couple. but youre getting strange vibes. and your gut/instincts are telling you something is fishy. and to me...it sounds fishy. i surely dont hang out every few days with my best friend...we talk or email. but the constant hanging around...noooo. that sounds like she is beginning to need him more because she's with him more. and that to me is a huge red flag. i also think she might be falling for this guy or this guy is falling for her or both. the fact they confide a lot in each other...not good. my ex left me for a girl that started out just friends for them. and they kept getting closer and closer till he finally cheated on me and then left me for her.

try to stop drinking sweetee. when im depressed...i would also start drinking. but ive found that when i do that...i get sooooooooo much more emotional. and my healing slows down drastically. the days go by fast but it's not like i heal so much faster. try and shower up. get dressed. go out. but TAKE CARE OF YOU.

i HOPE you wouldnt tell her to not drink a little socially. i mean if it's excessive...yeah...id mention something. but if it's just casual and you want her to quit...that's a bit much. that sounds kinda controlling. just try and not let it bother you. but telling her to not do it because you dont like it sounds kinda harsh. i know i would stop drinking if it was excessive. but if it was a small amount..id be offended since im doing it to enjoy myself and have a good time.

well youre doing much better than i'd be doing so kudos to you. i dont think i started laughing after my breakup for months. im glad to hear youre able to smile. you'll soon see the ups and downs start spreading further and further apart. next thing you know it...you havent had a down in like weeks. then the next thing you know it...you dont miss the person and youre finally over them. "soon soon soon." that's my mantra. haha.

to help prevent UTI's because of sex you really should pee BEFORE sex and AFTER. also cranberry juice does help. uti's also are more painful and noticeable right before and during your period. if youve had a uti when youre off your period and then had one during your period...you'll know what i mean. MUCH more painful. i had the same problem as you. i first got that when i first started having sex. what was happening was i wasnt peeing before sex so there was urine in a small amount in my urethra. enough to where i could hold it and NOT have to pee kinda thing. once you start to have sex...especially people who havent had sex or havent had sex in a while so your vaginal canal is somewhat tighter...the penis starts rubbing the canal and the urethra is like right there becoming somewhat irritated. so i started to get uti's in the beginning. another thing...once youve had 1 uti...there's like a 90% chance you'll get another one within 6 months. so for you to get another immediately isnt weird or uncommon. i stopped getting uti's...but i'll get them every once in a while when the sex is rougher than normal. also..i had started to get uti's with my new bf in the beginning because his penis was considerably thicker than my last bf's and the sex was also considerably harder and longer. my canal wasnt prepared for that in beginning you could say. cranberry juice helps also so yes...drink that. hope this helps out some.

hey vicki soooooooo sorry sweetee you are going through immense heart ache. im glad youre a christian and would never take your life because i know this has to be a huge test for you. suicide is definitely not the answer....even though you may see no relief in site any time soon...believe me...time WILL help you eventually to get over him. it might not be today or tomorrow but very very soon. i was like you once. i was devastated the love of my life didnt love me anymore. i felt like i was doomed to never experience happiness again. i thought id never laugh again. i was terrified he'd forget me and find someone new. i couldnt imagine a life without him so if i couldnt have him...i just couldnt bear the thought of me still existing. i also remember hating to go to work and i hated coming home. i hated nights when i had to try and go to sleep and i hated waking up in the morning. i hated weekends because i had nothing to do. it was a very zombie-like existence because nothing made me happy. and i saw no relief in sight. and i was instituionalized because i finally did one night just give up. what happened was i got a call. someone answered in a reallllly low voice. i couldnt tell who it was. but he said "i love you" and i started crying because i thought my ex finally realized he DID care about me. after being relieved and asking him how he was...it was then i realized it wasnt him. it was some random guy prank calling me and he started to masterbate over the phone. i was devastated to say the least. i went from sad to UNBELIVABLY happy to feeling like an idiot. i just couldnt take the roller coaster ride and i took every pill i could find. i woke up in the hospital after they pumped my stomach. from what i understand...that is painful and one of the worst experiences in one's life. i was lucky in the sense i took so many...i was out the whole time they did that so i dont remember a thing. i was instituionalized after that. i was still miserable after that. and for quite some time. i remember constantly having suicidal thoughts. but then after some time...i realized i thought about him less and less. i eventually began dating. i started to FINALLY take care of myself. i started to exercise and finally start taking control of my life. like you...i missed WEEEKS of work because of depression. i couldnt get out of bed. well my work finally started to get better. he was affecting my life FINALLY less and less. NOWWWW im very happy. i have a new life. im much healthier both physically and mentally. i have a new bf that i am crazy about. i remember after my ex...i thought id never be able to experience love again because i felt like i was so broken inside that i wouldnt have the ability. and i didnt at first. but now i finally do. i also felt like i could never ever get over my ex because i loved him so much. that also finally faded. now i dont think twice about him. his spell and curse has finally been lifted from me. i remember wishing and wishing and wishing i was dead. i am soooooo glad now im not. im a much stronger person. this experience made me stronger also. so there is hope. trust me. i know your ex says your high strung. i guess i could be called that too. but i cant help being so sensitive and emotional. but it's who i am. ive also tried to calm down on that but sometimes in the middle of it...it's very hard to. i hope you get better soon. i really do. keep posting on here. there are a lot of people out here that knows your pain and feels for you. we're hear to listen. take care of yourself. hang in there kiddo...

oh sweetee hugs: im soooooo sorry youre going through so much pain. it's so hard to be where you are. a lot of us on here have already gone through that and feel like we barely made it alive...but at the same time...because of it...made us soooo much stronger. but when i was in the situation youre in...it was the worst pain id ever been through. like you...we broke up...but then kept seeing each other and sleeping with each other. that was until he dumped me for someone else because...as he said...we werent together. it was awful. i felt soooo used. i was still seeing him in hopes we'd get back together. i was doing ok again because he was in my life and to me...it felt like old times. but it wasnt. and in their mind...they felt like they should be absolved of any guilt because they told us that we were no longer exclusive because they didnt know what they wanted. the lesson i learned from that is if they break up...DO NC. if they come back because they are confused...TOO BAD. when they are confused and they keep you there...youre almost like a prisoner there waiting for THEM to make up their minds. never ever again. unless i know for sure what the relationship is...i dont stick around and hope for the best. i have found out...you give someone an inch and they take a mile totally disregarding your feelings and are selfishly concerned for only theirs. hang in there. post on the board to vent. take care of yourself.

hey pete well i am veryyyyyyyyy glad you are getting to see her in this light. she deserves whatever she sowed. she was awful to you despite how nice you'd been and she had to learn the hard way that not ever guy out there will treat her as nicely as you did. i hope you end up finding someone that treats you right and respects you. try and see that ...yeah...youre a one in a million guy and that she was lucky to have met someone as decent as you. not all guys are as great as you. and i KNOOOW there are also a lot of awful, gold digging, heartless females out there. but like you...not all females are awful creatures. so try not to lose hope. i also used to feel that all guys were complete jerks. but i have found out there are a few guys out there with a good, decent heart and im fortunate enough to be dating one. i surely dont take advantage of that and know i have a great guy and treat him as such. soooooooo there are other females out there that will realize how great you are. dont lose hope on all of us!

maybe if you tell her that she needs to do this for HER and she needs to get stronger and quit the bad stuff...she might see your wisdom and do it on her own. i hope so...but i also know the realization isnt always so sunny. one of my best friends was a drug addict and his gf was a drug addict. they got married and had kids. he wanted to sober up because he didnt want his kids to see the drugs and wanted a better life for them. problem was...his wife didnt. she tried to for him but she was doing it...like your gf...for the wrong reasons. they ended up getting a divorce and she is now dating yet another drug user. it's also like alcoholics really do well with other alcoholics. they put up with each other's lifestyle because that is THEIR lifestyle. but if you know you need to stop it...then the only way for you to IS to cut out all that bad stuff from your life. you dont need it near you to get better. that kind of temptation is NOT healthy. what you are doing is really what's for the best. i hope your gf realizes this before it's too late. but if she doesnt...at least you will be able to find a decent, SOBER gf in this life that you will be happy with. take care.

hey chrisser ive actually seen what is happening to you a lot to people that...at one point in their lives they hook up with a mate and both of you share a bad, BAD habit. and then when one wants to clean up their act...they REALLLLY need their significant other to also because they just cant be around that bad stuff anymore. sooo this puts the other party in a predicament. they know the stuff is bad and is only giving it up because they dont want to lose their significant other. but if that person wouldnt insist on it...they would continue with their bad habit/lifestyle. the reason this is a huge problem is because she is giving up her lifestyle for YOU and not her. it's like when i was chubby...once i started to date someone...i started to lose weight for the person i was dating and not me. and anytime i got in a fight or the relationship didnt work out...i would gain the weight back because i didnt do it for the right reasons. you two are constantly going to have this problem until she wants to clean up her act FOR HER. if she keeps doing it for you...anytime you two fight or dont work out...her bad lifestyle will be there to cheer her up and help her get over the pain ya'lls relationship is doing to her at the moment. personally...i would tell her i care about her...have feelings for her...but she needs to clean up her act on her own. this will make HER stronger and not so dependent on you for her happiness. hang in there. take care. by the way...i commend you on trying to straighten up your life and be strong by insisting that junk not be around you. good for you. i know this might sound..well..corny...but im very proud of you. it takes a very strong person to first realize they have a problem and then even stronger to insist & fight to overcome it.

oh jj i hope youre ok. i hope this isnt too soon for you or set you back. youre so sweet and still so sensitive to her. i hope youre okkkk. both of you are going through a rough transition with this. youre going to be playing back a lot of scenes in your head and over anaylyze them. try not to. take care. hang in there and keep us posted on how youre doing. we all worry about ya

tryyyyyyyyy to not answer his calls. you dont want to lose or jeopardize the relationship youre in now also. he sounds like a great guy and if he knew your ex wanted to pursue something later with you...it might make me feel bad that why are you talking to him about things like that. forget him and move on. he will, if he hasnt already, realize that he lost someone that was great. his loss. just dont give him the satisfaction that he bothers you.

yes annie...thank god too. it was reallllllllllllllllly my fault too. i had never been drunk like EVER and im 33. i have really bad insomnia and i found out that drinking puts you to sleep so i became an alcoholic drunk like overnight. he didnt like how i was drinking every day and having black outs every day. and he was right...i wasnt myself. so as quickly as i became addicted to alcohol...i also dropped it cold turkey. sucks though because the insomnia is back full force.

hey dako i was like you....i didnt think i would even keep my ad up long. but then i met someone rather quickly and we've been together ever since (7.5 months). it has been the best relationship ive ever been in and im SOOOOOOOOO glad i had the courage to put myself out there. very not like me at all. good luck.

im terribly sorry for you loss. i lost a friend to a bar fight several years ago. i hadnt seen him in years but oh my god did that hurt. he was my first close friend that died. i cried literally everyday for a year. i understand that frustration that goes with losing someone that you thought so highly of and you didnt get the chance to say anything nice to them before they left so abruptly. im glad you get the opportunity to give something to the daughter. that sounds very healing. i hope you have friends near you that you can vent to. that also helped. i know there's nothing they can really do...but just someone listening to your frustration with a sympathetic ear does help. hang in there avman. take care.

ya know...i was like you. im not good at meeting people or going up to them to start talking. which is why the like last few boyfriends ive had...ive met through the internet. a few were from chatrooms id frequent and we would start talking in IMs...and then eventually would meet. the last and most current *wonderful* bf i have...i met through yahoo personals. he's fantastic. im sooooooo glad i actually made a personal and put myself out there. soooo...if talking to people intimidates you....try the internet?

hurry up and curb him so that you can hurry up and find someone that will treat you right. dont waste anymore time. the person you should be with is out there.