The Mask

Thanks for the advice but I dindn't asked for it I asked if it's normal the way I feel right now.

Technicly, I did..Because of my ego, and..My shyness..Well mainly because of shyness.. Look, I'm really sorry but I just don't want to talk about how we broke up..But in short, I really regret it..Truly regret it..

Hi all eNotAlone'rs! It's been a year since I last spoken to my ex..Maybe more maybe less time, I lost count.. Anyways some brief review of my problem : Been together for month, best friend since then for a year (with me madly in love with her) and now a year of NC.. Now I never ever gotten over her actually..Still 24\7 with her on my mind..But the last 2 maybe 3 weeks I'm in depression, I want to contact her but my ego is just way too high, I want to call her but at the same time I don't..I really just want to ask her how she's doing thats all.. Anyways, those 2-3 weeks have been hell for me..I get the same feeling after we broke up and when I begged her to come back to me (well,thats a different story). It hurts like hell as you probably know..But these feeling got stronger, I mean an year ago I would just feel my heart is about to explode, nowdays I feel the same but It's getting harder for me to breath..I get panic attacks and It's the first time I ever felt that way! I never had those feelings! I mean yeah, I get nervous from time to time but I never expiriensed the harden breathing thingy..And most certainly not panic attacks!! Now I'm not asking for advice on should I break NC or not, I'm asking this if this is normal..I mean it's been a year!

Veeery good Only that on your avatar it says ya lublu tibia but it's the same

Whoops,sorry...It's just your avatar is in Russian, It says "I love you" which you probably know thats in Russian "no I am not persian...I am actually persian So are you Persian or not lol?

As I mentioned erlier "food for thought", I mean what about the kind of situations when you are on NC and you have no idea of what they are thinking about?Maybe they are just like you "if he\she really wants me,he\she will call" So is NC worth it? I mean the long NC's out there like mine...almost a year of total NC,I have absolutley no idea what shes been up to..I still cant get over her..Recently though I'm thinking about her constantly..I can literaly feel my heart beat so damn hard! It hurt alot.. But I can't tell her that I love her..Because I'm just to proud..My ego is higher than the sun itself.. BTW I noticed that you're Russian looking at your avatar too Kak tam v Kanade?Ya tozhe dumau tuda uehat'..

Hey all I've been a member on this board for quite some time and thought to myself "I guess it's time for me to get useful for a change!" So the way I see it,NC is not allways good for some kind of people while it is a good thing for others(obviosly!),and here's why: 9'th grade When I sat there, in the classroom, I was starring at a girl, sitting in front of me. She was a so called "best friend" of mine. I starred at her for quite some time, at her silky hair, and wanted her to be mine.But she havent noticed my love for her, and I knew that. After class, she came to me and asked for my papers with homework so that she can copy them. I gave them to her. She said "thank you", and kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to tell her that I no longer wish to stay 'just friends' with her. I love her, but i'm too shy, and I don't know why. 10'th grade My phone rang, on the other side - it was she. She is crying, she tells me that her boyfriend broke her heart. She asks me to come over, because she doesn't want to be alone that night, and I came. When I sat on the couch,next to her, I was looking on her beautiful eyes, wishing, she would be mine. After 2 hours of watching a movie and 3 bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thank you" and kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to tell her that I no longer wish to stay 'just friends' with her. I love her, but i'm too shy, and I don't know why. Prom A day went by,then a week, then a month. In a blink of an eye it was allready prom. I watched, as her perfect body, similar to an angel, flew towards the stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine so badly. But she havent noticed my love for her, and I knew that. Before everybody went home, she came to me in her beautiful dress and started crying when I huged her. Then she put her head on my shoulder saying "You're my best friend in the whole world,thank you", and kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to tell her that I no longer wish to stay 'just friends' with her. I love her, but i'm too shy, and I don't know why. A few years later Now I sit here in a church. That girl is getting maried. I just saw her saying "I do" and entered her new life with another man. I wanted her to be mine. But she havent noticed my love for her, and I knew that. But before she left she came to me, and sayed - "You came!!!Thank you!!" and kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to tell her that I no longer wish to stay 'just friends' with her. I love her, but i'm too shy, and I don't know why. Funeral Years passed by. I looked at the cofin beneath me, in it was that girl, who has allways been my best friend. They were reading her diary, that she had at school years. And here's what she wrote: I looked at him, wishing, he would be mine, but he doesnt notice my love for him, and I know that. I wanted to tell him that I no longer wish to stay 'just friends' with him. I love him, but I'm too shy, and I don't know why. I wanted so badly for him to say, that he loves me!!! For hapiness one of them should have said only 3 words... Just a little food for thought..Think about it.. Ps. Sorry for my poor english..

Naw man,I'm not saying it's the reason I want to go there. I don't know the word for it but I'll try to explain : It's like from the movie Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Mans Chest when Jack Sparrow escaped from this island and he was angry so he was like where is that monkey?I want to shoot something." Lol it was the only explanation I could think of!

It sounds like you're disrespecting You all talk like I'm going to a war or something,well,maybe I am cuz in Israel it's war everyday.. I still have 2 years to think about it..Maybe I'll change my mind by the time I'll have to join the army..Maybe not,who knows..But thanks for the replies anyway

Myself! Army is going to make me a real man!Be useful for a change!Be someone! And do something that I can tell my grand grand children about. Even if I get killed, like it will matter to me..If not,I will be a better person than I am now.

Hi guys I live in Israel so here (I don't know how about other contries ) but here in 11'th grade you have to go for examinations,psychological,medical,personal status etc... Anyways I've been through that and I have 2 options,to go to combat unit (or whatever it's called) or be an electrician of choppers (It's my profesion that I'm studing at school)...So I was thinking to go to combat mainly because I want to forget about my ex which I havent spoken to in about a year..I just want to go to warfare and shoot some people...Just to get away from here and do something useful for a change..Mainly it's my personal ambitions to join some combat squad cuz I don't give a damn about my country which has never ever given me anything..But again,It's all about my ex (as allways) So what do you think? Should I be a "warior" or some mechanic in the army?

Yes,positive,I've gotten so much stronger since then..I think I can handle it better,way better..In fact,I'm not quite sure that I'll feel bad about it. Anyways I'll think about what people have said here..Maybe it's not the right time,maybe I should make some research about her,ask our mutual friends about her.

I just don't know what to do..Call her or just get on with my life with feeling that I never tried..

I'm confused

Yes but how can I move on without knowing for sure that nothing will get out of it?I think that i'ts the only way for really forget about her and move on.Because everyday I just hope that the phone will ring with her number on the screen! But when I'll know for sure that she doesnt want me then it will be clear to me that it's finally over and I can move on..It's been almost an year of total NC and I still feel the same and think about her every minute..It's hard.