Deveryn

Hi everyone, my name is Michael and I've been having a dilemma in my head that I can't seem to work out without advice. A couple of weeks ago my girlfriend and I used to watch movies a lot, and she always used to call the guys "reallly hot" and sexy and say she'd run away with them if they came to our town... That used to irritate me but since it's just guys from the movies I just shrugged it off and laughed. I mean, every girl probably does that right? But then just a couple of days ago I was driving with her, and when we got up to a red light there was a guy in a parking lot close to us getting into his car. She looked over at him and practically drooled... she didn't take her eyes off of him and she said "Wow he's cute" and didn't look away until we had pulled away and he was completely out of sight, and then she said something like "Bye really cute guy I'll never be able to meet" Should I be ok with this? Is this a normal thing a girl would do and what would you guys say/do if this happened to you? (if your girlfriend or boyfriend did that) In my opinion thats a really mean thing to do to someone... even if it's partly as a joke, since she really did think the guy was cute/hot. Her sister was in the car with us and she looked at me in a way like "I wonder if he heard that", but my girlfriend didn't even act any differently. I just really need advice on this because it's been bugging me for a while... Thank you guys in advance. ](*,)

Well just as an update.... I've found out that she frequently takes calls from her ex's, one every few days she calls him... and one almost every day calls her. Today he even called her really early in the morning (she didn't answer, her phone was off)... Should I be ok with that?! Is this normal? Feels pretty crappy knowing that her ex is infatuated with her still (she's said he is), even though they live about 800 miles apart...

Thank you for your advice RayKay! I really need all the info I can get... all of my friends offline are actually friends of hers, so I really don't have anyone to talk to. I wonder that sometimes, if she's moved on from them... One time I asked her if she would be happier with Anthony (the ex she talks about the most, and with the highest regard) and she said she wouldn't and that she'd rather be with me.. I still don't understand why she talks of the things they did together like that though... If she's trying to get an ego or reassurance boost, would she get that from me showing signs of being competitive? I have interest in her past because the past is a large part of what makes us what we are today, but if I tried not to show interest in her ex's would that quell the boost to stop them from coming up? Thank you, I think this will be the first thing I try actually.

Hello everyone, my name is Deveryn and I'm at a loss as to what to think in this situation. I recently started dating this girl (last month) and things have been going just amazing, we get along perfectly and have a really great time together. We have the most open relationship one can hope for, in that we always talk about whats on our mind and what we're feeling at times, which is a great leap from the last few relationships I've been in.. and it's the same with her, her last relationship wasn't open at all. I don't really know whats appropriate to tell to someone you're dating about your past relationships... I mean, every single question she's asked I've answered, but I don't really bring any of it up outside of that, mostly because my past relationships have went realllly aweful . She has had good relationships in her past and she is the type of person who keeps her ex boyfriends as friends, which I'm ok with ofcourse but theres one thing that I don't know how to handle. The problem is I really don't know what to think when she constantly talks about them. Every single day they come up in a conversation, and every day she talks more and more about them. For instance, we could be just talking normally and she'll bring up something a boyfriend did for her in the past that was amazing to her... Is that normal? How should I take that? Even sometimes when the conversation is really personal, like I'll be kissing neck one time and I comment about how good her hair smells, she'll automatically say something along the lines of how her ex Anthony used to just push his head into her hair and smell it when they'd sit together.. Sometimes she has bad things to say, like that they would treat her bad, but most of the time its really amazing things... How should I take this? Right now I'm feeling pretty hurt and kinda feel like I've been punched every time she says things like that, but how could I possibly say anything? I mean, it's her past and I really....I really just don't know what to do. Please, someone help me

I'm what you would consider a loner. Most loners, like krissbrown said, could have went through hurt in past, or been raised to have a low self-esteem, afraid of people etc. For me, though, I just don't like to socialize with people and when they do come around I don't know exactly what to say, or what to contribute to the conversation. Thats probably why they say "yeah" a lot, because they don't know really what else to say. I do that. Sometimes when I'm not even shy around someone I still don't like to socialize.. I was born being quiet and to myself, which a lot of people are. Believe it or not, some of the nicest people on the planet are also the ones that keep to themselves. You'll never really know until you go up to them and be nice, and show that you care.

Hey all. My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 11 months and I'm a little worried about this recent argument we've been having.. We have a long-distance relationship and most of the time do just fine, but recently she has been going out with this guy as a friend fairly frequently (every other to every three days or so, spending most of the evening with him) which bothered me a lot because she is getting really close to him.. I expressed how I was feeling about it, and she started to lower the amount of time she was spending with him (it was getting to the point of almost every day and /all/ evening was spent with him) Today is when the piano fell on my head =( Well, she lives in this apartment that is too big for her and is high in cost to the point where she can live there but can't save for much of anything, and she's been talking of moving to another place.. Basically, if you haven't guessed already, she actually suggested moving in with this guy. She listed all the reasons it would be great, like 1) lots of extra money to save for when she takes trips to me 2) cable internet and tv so we can watch together 3) lots of good things about the apartment but doesn't seem to see what an effect this would have on us... She came to me to ask if it would be ok, and I honestly have NO idea what to say. I REALLY do not want her to move in with him, I don't think our relationship would last through that... so I told her, it would be incredibly hard to keep our relationship going if she was to do that. The next day I found out she actually had told him about the problems I've expressed with her hanging out with him so frequently! I was completely floored by this because I feel like she has broken my trust in telling him this..she's done this once in the past also, with another friend, telling them things I told her in private that obviously belong only between us. Can anyone please help me on this? Should I tell her to move there or stay? Is it wrong to have a huge problem with this? Would I be controlling if I said that it wouldn't be good for our relationship if she moved there? Please, please help me

I need help My girlfriend and I have been having small fights over this one big issue and today we had a huge fight where she ended up hanging up the phone. We've been fighting about an issue that started when she began to hang out with these two guy friends, who I view as disrespecting her and she doesn't. They have made comments about her being a "lazy * * *" and calling her their "dishwasher".They also commented about how they wondered what her breasts tasted like (as a joke, apparently). Yesterday I was on the phone with her and she was in the car with these two guys and one makes the comment about me saying "Mike needs to get off the phone now or else his mom will yell at him." to which she just said "That's not funny"...In my opinion, I don't think that would be enough to make the guy stop making disrespectful comments, but she said she "diffused it" and "dealt with it". (Later on she said she would've said more about it afterwards to him, but I don't remember her ever saying when..she took it to offense that I asked her if she would've dealt with it later since she thought of it as a trust issue..I had no idea she would've said anything later when the argument started) Today we got in a fight and I tried to tell her that I felt they were disrespecting her a lot, and that it was totally wrong of them to make those comments. She said the comments about her were all jokes, and that the one towards me "just needs to be let go". Do you think she handled it well? Should I just have let it go? I'm so confused =( I was so jumbled in my thoughts that she felt like I was "pushing her into a corner" by bringing this up, saying that I was accusing her of not handling it right, even though I only ment to say how it was disrespectful of him..without critisizing her. She said she would've "handled it" later but she feels I don't have enough trust in her. I am so lost Was I wrong to bring this up? Should I have let it go? Was it wrong for me to question whether or not she handled it right (even though I didn't even mean to, she just took it as that... ](*,) I probably didn't express my thoughts well enough) I'm sorry for the long post, it's probably hard to understand because my thoughts are racing a mile a minute right now, but I'm in desperate need of help.

Today I was on the phone with her while she was with her friends and I heard them make a comment that had my name in it then laugh. She said after a while "That's not funny, he is not." I asked what was happening and she said nothing. I asked again, saying I heard my name, and she said it was "diffused" and I didn't need to know. She later told me they had insulted me, making a comment about how much of a man I was. This is my last straw. Thank you all for all the help you've given me, if any of you have any comments on how to confront her or how to settle this, please let me know. I've gone to my limit, and I need to sit her down and talk and if this continues I think I need to just leave.

I've never talked to her face to face about this because we haven't had the chance to yet. The last time we were able to be together in person was Christmas, and it hadn't become a big problem yet. Although, during the time she was visiting, one of her male friends called several times when she was out here to check up, and gave her a guilt trip for "leaving them" during Christmas. She doesn't take it seriously but it bothers me that she would want someone around that would do that.. After Christmas, actually starting a few days before New Years this year, is when everything seemed to just start. For some reason typing this out makes me realize whats happening more than just bundled thoughts put together... ](*,) Thank all of you for your replies, they've really helped me organize things in my head and get a perspective on this that I couldn't have gotten alone. Now is the time for confrontation

Thank you for your reply. I've never been jealous with any girlfriend before, and my instincts do seem to be alerting me to something.. Atleast I can feel it in my gut that something is or will go wrong. It's hard to make any decision because I really love this woman, and the time we spend together is amazing.. Other than that, when she's off with her friends I always feel like I'm just watching a piano hovering over my head. I believe if we lived closer the situation wouldn't be any better because she'd still want to hang out with them, and sometimes she even says she feels like she "owes them" when they call for holidays or something (I have NO idea where she gets that from). A guy from her past who she despises because he pressured her in the past(she had no place to live and he let her stay with him but kept pressing sexual things, and eventually guilted her into a kiss) sent her a text message asking if she wanted to get together for new years and she seriously considered it.. she said she felt she owed him for some reason. She had gone to hang out with him once as friends when I was with her, on the phone at the time, saying she wanted to "settle things" even though all they did was watch a movie then she went home... Sorry for typing out what, now that I look over it, seems to be a small book. I truly appreciate any help I can get in this... Is there something about my mindset I should try to change? Is it normal to feel like I described in the first message? Sometimes the harder the problem gets, the harder it seems to come up with a question to get advice =( Again, thank you for your reply. Why is life so hard sometimes? =(

Hello, my name is Michael and I am in need of help. I am currently in a long-distance relationship, and I'm finding it hard to deal with some of the problems that are coming up based on the people (men) that she hangs out with. My girlfriend is the most amazing woman I have ever known, and she is my angel in every way. I love her, with all my heart. I find myself getting jealous at times because the only people she hangs out with is guys, and she hangs around them a lot., almost every other day and for many hours at a time. This normally wouldn't bother me, but they sometimes make comments about her body, or treat her with disrespect (which doesn't seem to bother her, but it sure bugs the hell out of me). For example, one time she was in the car with them and they were talking about chicken breasts (for cooking of some sort, I was on the phone at the time because we have cell phones that have unlimited minutes to eachother, so she just keeps me in her ear with a headpiece just so I can "be along" with the ride when she's out with them sometimes) she commented on having to buy some, but that she had two already (meaning her breasts) and one of the guys actually said "I wonder what those taste like" when I was right there on the phone. This bothered me for obvious reasons.. but she just kept saying it was a joke and defended him to no end. Both of the guys she hangs out with are on parol (one of which she has no idea why he was in prison, she says it's just not polite to ask) They (her guy friends) have also called her "their dishwasher" and said she needs to "get her lazy * * * off the couch" to do their dishes when she's over their house making them food. I found this incredibly disrespectful but she laughed and went on with hanging out with them that day. She's frequently gone over to this guys house and made him and his friend food, or went out to lunch with them and spent most of the day (she gets home from work at 6, then goes out and hangs out with them until 9 or so, then when it's just us on the phone she wants to go to bed almost instantly, claiming theres nothing we can do). I don't know if they're looking at her in a sexual way, but a lot of the time I hear "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" They swear, and use a lot of racist terms, which she disagrees with and dislikes but still hangs around with them. When she's in the kitchen cooking for them I sometimes hear that they're getting playful with her and get food on her nose or face.. I am lost at what to think about this. Please don't take this as a black-and-white thread asking whether or not I should leave her, but I'm lost when it comes to knowing what to do, or what to think for that matter, about this situation. I doubt she will ever cheat on me, but why do I keep getting those thoughts that she might be in my head? What should I think, what should I do? ](*,) Edit: While typing this thread I got a call from her, and instead of just going over to deliver something it turned into watching a movie, which turned into pizza, which turned into another movie, which turned into a total of 7-8 hours of being with them, even though it was supposed to just be a quick stop by. I am so incredibly lost.